Sunday, January 20, 2013

Day 262 Fear of speaking : Thought Dimension

Fear of speaking thought dimension
If I am creating a idol, meaning having an idea outside of myself that I believe will define what it is that I am here, I separate myself into a part and become the “ not having of that part” that I then as mind create an image of, a compound of, as I take a picture to signify what part I believe I need to express my self, something I believe I need to simply be. This is the creation of myself being inferior, lacking in some ability, capacity. I am in essence separating from the source of creation directly, constricting within myself to project outside of myself what I believe I need to be. I am taking the value of life and dividing it and separating it into parts, spreading the substance of myself all over the place into one big picture show. A personality of energy.
And all the time I am here. I can only be here.
I feel like a child, I am that child so frustrated, so confused, to uncertain, not understanding, or maybe at one point understanding and nothing is working, I cannot speak to all the parts, I cannot pull them all together. What child could do this in a world of adults all so separate from themselves in chasing ideas, beliefs and opinions? So to protect myself from the walking movie makers in my childhood world, I find a cloak, I project a persona to survive. Same thing , different angle. What started out as survival became a like practice that in itself was still consuming flesh, as it used the substance of my human physical body to exist as a shield or as a means of communication/interaction in a world of walking projections. Non-directive zombies in separation from self direction as life. In separation from primary source, using secondary sources, and then accumulating secondary sources for expression.
Then all this projected part as a thing believed to be needed becomes “isms” , knowledge and information, divided, and refracted endlessly creating a soup of chains of the same endlessly recycled, and all of it was ill use of resource to begin with, as it was not here, self directed, equal and one as life. It is like the substance is here and cannot be lost, thus does not need to be grabbed onto and filed away for future reference, as it is here in all ways, always. It is primary and the nature of it moves as what is best for all, unless divided. Thus, we are the creators of our own demise, our own dispersement into billions of pixels blown out of proportion and projected at vast distances in separation from ourselves, taking so much effort to maintain, the flesh turns to a colorless ashy empty sack of no substance, as we gave it all away to ideas , beliefs and opinions of more than and less than a double of energy, limited. We refracted ourselves into oblivion. Definitely a fucked up scenario.
And what is here on earth is a reflection of this misuse of self as life, and other life suffers in each of us being negligent of ourselves as life. We are not allowing life to express itself, with every thought, word and deed that is based on idea and not the principle of what is best for all, the very manifestation of life as the physical, here, the gift to allow us to find ourselves as life.
How do you tell someone their chasing a carrot on a string? Which is myself being the same, chasing a carrot on a string. lol
I feel like the children I work with in reading, having to bring them here. I am here constantly breathing, bringing myself back here. All I have learned is to follow beliefs, opinions and ideas, and not directed myself here, as life. Always wanting something outside of myself to take the responsibility for myself as life. A CONsumerist society ready and willing to use this in self interest - a mere reflection of what each of us allows in self abdication as life. This is really rejecting the gift of life. Insanity. And all the disease in the west is the consequence. Wake up - there is no way out but to become yourself as life, here.
Most of this is characters as what I am supposed to be within a cultural tradition. So, busy with these ideas that being here in common sense is forgotten. I am projecting outward what I believe will fulfill me, and what is fulfilling is being here, focusing here, directing myself here in common sense, realizing what is the structure of the present system, created in the image of mankind in separation of itself as life. What is really an archaic ignorance of what science has discovered about this planet that indicates that nature operates symbiotically and that disruption of this has massive consequences. This in itself indicating that humans have created a consumerist, profit based hierarchy on earth that ignores how the physical world functions, in self interest before common sense of what is physically right in front of us. Nature does not exist within a superficial and limited monoculture. And yet, man is trying to stamp this on earth, force this.
So, not being able to speak is thinking that some form of knowledge and information is needed, an imitation of what is acceptable, when it is simply being here, seeing what is here (ear-hear) for what it is. At present it is a system of war, of creating conflict for profit, using fear to create friction and uncertainty, all the present systems that we have allowed; religions teach us to follow some higher guidance - a separation, governments tell us they are caring for us while the governors own more, health systems that will lose need if ease is before disease, without usury/slavery there cannot be more debt than money. Thus this system cannot work. If one has more than another, that will build a hierarchy of more than and less than which naturally breeds in self interest before life. This will not work, The moment a relative value is used to support, as an idea, a belief , or an opinion, there is division, thus only absolute value can be used when making decisions, and the absolute value here on earth is life. This is what is here, this is what is same. One entity being a more than value is a belief, an opinion , or an idea. Such judgement is separation from this substance. Period.

Fearing to speak is fearing to look, is not pulling all this together, to see these separations and then standing here. Obviously, unacceptable. The illusion must be given up. Humpty-Dumpty must be brought back together again. A refracted life is a life being lost in a hall of mirrors. This is not life. Thus a so called “heaven” must be more of the same, because the hall of mirrors must be realized. There is no escape, like the only way out is to remove the mirrors, as they are just smoke screens anyway. An avoidance tactic using the positive, which is just more of the negative that caused the consequence of separation, the consequence of rejecting self as life, which is rejecting life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that if I speak up in common sense I will be rejected, which is actually myself showing myself what I amaccepting and allowing , which is myself rejecting myself as life. lol
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that what is considered a ‘positive thought/statement/reply” is in fact what has been taught by a system that is the epitome of an abdication of life, as the reflection of what humanity has allowed individually, which is self abdication of life, thus the only way back is for each to stand and become self responsible as life, and to stand in organizing this world into a system that supports life, all life, absolutely, which means supporting a system of equality, to remove all hierarchies of division, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I cannot speak, I am within and as my own house of mirrors in separation from common sense here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I am existing as belief that i cannot speak I have abdicated myself as life, have allowed myself to exist within and as my mind.
When and as I begin to believe that I cannot speak, I stop and I breath, until I am stable here in and as breath, I realize that I am attempting to use the mind only in search of a response as what has been taught within this present system where there is not taught any understanding as to how the mind in fact works.
I commit myself to slowing myself down, breathing, speaking self forgiveness, and corrective application to bring myself back to here, to focus here, in common sense to see, realize and understand what it is that I am resisting giving up as an idea of what I am that i fear losing, as I have allowed myself to define myself through projecting a want, need and desire, separate from me as who I am as life, here.
I commit myself slowing myself down when and as I have a thought that also contains an idea that what I think cannot be said as it is socially unacceptable.
I commit myself to breathing, to slowing myself down and realizing that the only choice is to face and walk through what resistances come up as fear, to practice this until I am here, focused here, in common sense of what physically exists and directing within the principle of what is best for all.

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