Day 689 Looking at the word " Star"

Within defining the word star, looking at the math of the emotions and feelings that are an aggrandizement of a value, I realize, based on my own childhood, how much I can inflate something, creating an entity that I fear seeing beyond or hide behind, creating an inflated value of a good and a bad.  I am not seeing the practical math of form in physical existence. I am renting a value, that becomes a weakness that I practice  in protection and defense, an entity that must be grounded in practical reality.  After all does not a seed begin with a single movement? And do we not learn something through starting with a single movement?

What do I mean by all this?

As a child, I remember not wanting to look at my parents. As that child I have memories of always looking up, looking up towards a big person, a person I did not want to see. I would look with fear, I would resist looking.

Later, as I grew and was a little bigger, I remember turning to look and see, I remember the word “ I care” within myself. And so I became a person who cares, as though this enabled me to look. yet I looked with a energetic polarity, meaning, I looked to take care of the person. As though I could see the division from something and the behaviors in front of that blocking the person. I could see the behaviors as projections, a maze to work through. Unfortunately, I got lost in the game, and began a persona of using information to make me more, when the limitations were screamed at me, like a protection and defense I had not the means to move through yet, I could not do the math to move through this. I could not communicate the words, the measures, the math.  I created my own limitations in protection and defense.

 I remember reading the “ TIN DRUM” when I was twelve, not having any understanding of the context of war. What fascinated me was a child screaming without end. I remember carrying this book around with me, totally engrossed in reading the descriptions of the child screaming. I carried it in cars with me, where parent’s friends were amazed that I, a twelve year old was reading this book.

Obviously, I was searching for something. Perhaps I hoped at the time that somehow the scream would reach through something, would cut through what I had not defined, and remained from my past, as a memory of some entity larger than myself, in front of me, that I could not name.

Sound and words and math. It is all the same, words are measure, they are sound, they are an ordered breath. A scream is a unstructured sound, one of pure frustration and fear. It is not being able to accept what is here, and yet not having the structural means to find a way out of the smoke and mirrors show that is a kind of  hued man in separation from being grounded in the real measure of physical reality.

Now, comes the definition of the word ‘ star’ and I realize that just as I reacted to my parents as something scary, as something larger than myself, so are the ‘ stars’ of the media presented through a ubiquitous presence on a screen, in lights, and larger than life, on movie screens, always bigger than a real human. One focused on a picture in a box, where the lack of peripheral view created a space where that person became larger than physical reality, a context out of whack with real living.

Visual imagery composed of lights, like a ghost. This ghost on reality through the mechanism of lights in boxes and screens, that narrowed the focus and imprinted values, creating neurological pathways that held stories  ( storied/structured/layered intel) completely out of measure with practical reality.

If I return myself to the ground, and I were in a crowd of say 10,000 people, and someone stood on a soap box without the artistry of lights and micro phones to make-larger-than-life a person, how many people could actually be reached?  How could one really be a ‘ star’ in the modern sense?  If one looked around one, the real fabric would be others, the same as myself. Hence the whole idea of a person being a star, a larger than life entity, is an illusion of artifice.

Even in the story telling of pre-tech times, the values of developed people were made larger than life through story, repeated again and again. Entertainment that divided one from being practical and from remembering how things are built through practice and development, through walking the measure yet using the same means! I mean,  telling a story is walking a measure, it is in the end all the same. It is a math, one that the one’s-who-play-god use to control. A control that is a math that we accept and allow unless we begin to use that natural ability to accept one order of a math, and start using that ability to assess and investigate everything that is placed before us; the media, what information is sent through our schools, the values absorbed from our parents, the traditions followed that began from a practice developed over time in a more agricultural time. We have forgotten the math that built what and who we are, we have forgotten to see the math that is here, within each, and without as the measure of all things, to see what does no harm and what takes that which is good.

This is why, all research makes it clear that the more we read, the more we begin to see the patterns and realize that math, and begin to process what is the false math, done through limitation, a lie-by-omission, a not-the-whole-story, memorized- me memorialized!. When we move into the world and we run into mis-takes, we want to move into blame instead of correcting ourselves.  Blame is actually harder to be, than sorting things out. The ghost in the machine appears to be real. 

And so, our greatest strength becomes our greatest weakness. We become an imperfect measure, and we blame anything that does not fit into that measure. We are separated from the real richness of life as the physical. Yet, this ability to assess, to sense space and time, the fabric of the physical and the unequal measure sounded is the real capacity of what informs our greatest weakness.

We have as each accepted a math that in inferior to life. We are here, to make the choice to accept life or dissipate as easily as that projected light image. That image is believed to be more than life. It is called a personality. It is when you say something like “ I am more than her”or when you believe that your friend is less than you. It is when you believe that you must compete with your neighbor. It is when you look down on another human being, or animal, or politician. It is when you pay those taxes that are you paying homage to a false god, because you have allowed a system where someone that moves digits and numbers around on paper is more than a farmer. It is when you do not investigate the real math. It is when you do not realize that vaccines have never worked, from the beginning. It is when you don’t realize that our schools by design are not meant to teach you to be your real potential. It is when a parent places a child in front of a television, having forgotten who they are, because the seeds of information as taken in by the physical by the previous generation, seed the form of the tree that is to come. Each subsequent generation assaulted without and within by information that is by nature meant to distract you from who you really are. Yet, it is accepted and allowed, absorbed within and without.  A seed that cannot be thrown away, as there is a baby within that body of water/information. It can only be transformed back into focusing on what is real, the physical, seeing directly the separation and what is real. Our children are our greatest assets and yet they are the poorest amongst us!

A real star is a body in equilibrium with life. A  real star is cognizant of the math of life, of the very fabric ‘s composition. It is built of cells, joining together. A star is built of hydrogen and helium. These are cells, joined together. This is the real math,  not a grid line.  After all, hydro is water, and ‘ gen’ is information. Hence stars are the same as us, water in formation.  After all we are 70% water. We are coupled with oxygen as how the cells exist on earth. So ask yourself what you are resonating today, is it that which considers all things, taking that which is good and does no harm?  Are you in respect of the physical?

In order for me to really see the stars that are a part of the fabric of this world that is an information of cells and atoms, that is also me, as the same stuff, I must use my greatest strength to focus on the richness of this life that is physical in expression, as this is what is real.

Day 542 Self forgiveness on looking for a purpose.

I had a long talk with a woman today. It was fun, because she had realized that the people in her world, were not using their common sense. She could see this all around her, and that herself trying to resolve this all the time was pointless, meaning she had to be true to herself. This was common sense. She had to let go of guilt, of believing she was bad because she was no longer supporting others in ways that she had her whole life. It was time to do what was best for her. And if others did not like this, then tough.

This does not mean she shut people out, it just means that she communicated, but when the communication as what she attempted to say in common sense, was not what was wanted, and the other reacted, she simply walked away.

I was with others last night, it being Easter. And at one point I noticed I reacted because the response was contrary to what I wanted to express. I slowed down and allowed the other to speak, afterwards, simply because of the rhythm of the evening, I did not take what was said and follow through. But this happens, so I just let it go.

I am dealing with what I call a point of being responsible. Meaning simply being within practical reality, where I do not need to coerce, as what is practical and functional, is right here. It needs no justification. It simply means to walk how here, as this physical existence works - of which the only solution is to do what is best for all, and that this is what is best for self.

I notice a resistance to this, as though failure to convey this, will show up in failure. That consequences down the line will be because there is still a pull to want to fit in. But fitting in is an illusion, because I am here on a mechanistic world, that is an order that allowed life to exist.

So, nature is a naturally organizing system, it is the idea of more, that separates men from what enables life, which is the physical world.

If this very simple realization becomes the understanding of men, this whole world will change very fast. Somehow, that which is simple is lost, and the discord of beliefs of more and less, complicate, and it is this complication that is causing the loss of common sense. Everyone is lost in their own self interest, their inner rest of ideas that have been made more than the life that is here around us.

So, in having this idea, that I have to succeed, I begin to race and become moralistic, within wanting to explain reality. I had wanted to explain that one way was more than the way this other person believed was okay.

Really, there was nothing right or wrong about what was stated. The structure as the belief, was not good or bad, it was how this is realized practically at the moment within a system that in total is in separation from common sense.

That I tell myself that I am not responsible for others, means that I still feel responsible, because I am at war within myself about this. I cannot be here if I am still feeling that I need some validation from others, that there is something I am supposed to do, which I now realize has been a thought that I have had in life. This thought that “ there is something I am supposed to do.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that “ there is something I am supposed to do.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is a problem, and within this to have this thought that “ there is something I am supposed to do.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that having a belief, as a thought, that “ there is something I am supposed to do” is myself believing that i am special, in some way, that I have some purpose, where if I look at this, this idea of a purpose, is ambiguous, and has no real grounding here with reality, it is something, like a ghostly entity that i have as mind  about reality, and as this, I allow myself to chase a metaphysical idea about having a purpose, instead of realizing myself equal and one to and as , with here, reality, standing in common sense as what I am as a human being, here, and as such, this, simply, is my “ purpose.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a memory of myself believing that there is something I am supposed to understand, something that I am supposed to grasp and understand, as myself as a child, talking and interacting with adults.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine if I could just get the point, as what is being said to me in the past as my childhood then I would understand the purpose being taught to me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become anxious within and as this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have this slight movement within and as me, this anxiety, where I believe that there is some purpose, something that I must understand as a belief that I don;t understand, and as such am not seeing the purpose which is overall not real, and I keep trying to make this separation as an idea, real, when this remains here as an idea within and as me, because it really has no substance, and as such no place to go, because it has no connection, no reality to it, because it is in separation from practical reality, as being here, equal and one, with and as what i am as the form of me, as a man on earth, reveals the purpose of myself as life formation, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to sense the measure of myself here, as this, as within this I divide the very focus of me, as the substance of me, as the common sense of me, into an image that has no real definition or ability to sustain, because it cannot, because what is real, is that which is physically manifest , which is the physical world, as this is the gift of creation, the form of life, which is to include all life, where life is the value, and work with this as the very fabric of what enables life to be, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not look here, and see that this thought - has no bearing on life other than separation leading to destruction if made more real than the physical - and it is just this a thought that hovers, here, endlessly, because it is in separation, is not equal to me as life, connected to reality as the physical, the way and means of being in life expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is some purpose I must seek and find, when I cannot move, unless i am here, as the physical is what gives purpose,as the physical is life, thus, I can only be the purpose of life, in equality and oneness with and as the physical world here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the back chat within this context of this thought, “ it must be here”, “ if I can only see the purpose of myself,” “ if I only understood more than I would find my purpose,” not seeing realizing and understanding that this purpose seeking is just this, purpose seeking, and as such my mind traveling in some alternate reality, and not myself here, equal and one with and as the physical which is how and what i am here, able to be and express myself as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that somehow, i missed the train, because this question in and as my mind that is myself wondering around life “ Hans guck in die Luft” is a state of being that is in separation from practical common sense reality of what it means to exist in expression as life, as life must have form to be in expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to then, at times become the thought - as I attempt to create an ideological “ purpose” to believe that no one understands me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have backchat that no one understands me, which within this voice in and as my mind, this back chat, is myself allowing myself to spin around in an idea of needing a purpose and as such believing that if I had a purpose, then I would be successful or have meaning, all of this, a separation from practical common sense reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as anxiety within and as this, as though I may be less than, because I have not discovered some purpose, and that others may find out and realize that I have no purpose, to which I blame myself because I did not, for example, “ work hard “ enough to have found my purpose.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that somehow I did not work hard enough to “ find my purpose.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be this belief, creating a physical anxiety  that “ If only - then - I could find my purpose, everything would be fine.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that if I have not found myself “ purpose” I will have failed at life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a feeling of shame, at this thought about purpose, where i believe that I failed life, because I did not find my purpose.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to hide, based on this idea, as this thought “ that i had to find my purpose.”

I forgive myself for allowing and and accepting myself to believe that my purpose if to “ save the world,” which is to exist as a belief that the world needs to be saved and that somehow my purpose is to be this, when this is the separation, in and as an idea in and as my mind, that is the being of myself moving away from common sense, which is to be equal and one to and as the physical as the physical is the purpose of life in expression.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this belief in purpose, is myself allowing myself to become anxious, feeling heavy and crestfallen as I judge myself having failed my purpose, which is overall the illusion and as this illusion as belief, myself in separation from what is right here in front of me, which is life in expression as an order, within and as what works information, which is the physical, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, conversely  fear not having a purpose.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that allowing myself to exist as this idea of purpose, as this thought that “ if only I could find my purpose, or the purpose of life,” I am ignoring what is right here in front of me, hidden behind my own self interest of wanting more than what is here in common sense as physical reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become physically crest fallen, in and as an idea that I have not found my “ purpose.”

When and as I find myself tensing up within conversations, and or community, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see , realize and understand that this physical sense of my “ crest” falling, is myself reacting based on a belief, and as such, myself not being equal and one, in common sense of physical reality.

When and as I find myself having a thought about “ purpose,” I stop and I breath and i bring myself here, and I see, realize and understand that the purpose of life is simply right here, as the physical, information as life, as the order and structure of the physical is the gift of life, here.

When and as I find myself becoming anxious, in and as my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I bring myself here, equal and one with and as the physical to see , realize and understand that the purpose is life, here.

When and as I find myself believing that there is a “ more” than, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that if I am occupied as mind as a thought that “ I must have a purpose” that I am no longer, here, focused, equal and one, with and as the physical.