Day 469 The EXIT ment of fantasy.

I have been awake for a couple of hours, and I begin to notice that there are moments where I go into a fantasy composed of past events coupled with ideas as what would create a norm, as the values within our present system, because these are the stories I accepted that I build on as my soul/sole construct, as the social construct in which I spent my first seven years of life, one that has been built and touted for generations, this our present media ensures/maintains in the self interest of the product behind the presentation, because this is impulsing behaviors through belief, opinion and idea, with pictures and music and words. A tapestry of tools building an inner world, a collection of dimensions brought forward and played with to construct a following. And yet, this that is built is not equal in understanding to this physical earth, had it been, then there would not be starvation, deforestation, desertification, cancer, disease, animal abuse, substance abuse within and without. This meaning, the pollution of water and air, pollution of the human, plant an animal inner worlds: were we within, equal to the physical, in respect, there would be no abuse on earth. So what man has created, as the present system, is in separation from reality, from the physical, and thus, is in a lesser order of the use of the physical world.The consequence of this is a separation from an awareness, a connection to life, and as this a loss of depth perception that is a loss of connection, a loss of flexibility, changeability, a lightness of being that when suggested as such cannot be readily grasped as a movement, so accustomed have we become to the chaos and weight of friction and conflict, of stress. As such we have externalized that which is of no judgement and uses music and words and pictures to generate emotions and feelings into some order that is a very limited order, and yet, we see these tools created by machines generating these emotions, to which we all react and even call a “ Hallmark” moment. Within this we can directly see how our emotions and feelings are of no real substance, because they can be created with sound and color by a machine. And yet they are real? Can that emotion generated by a machine, feed the animals, or us? No. They really have no meaning, none. And, yet, this is what we are allowing to be impulsed within us?

I notice as I allow myself to go into imagination, that I am no longer present here. And within this that I miss here, I fragment myself from here, I allow myself to lie within fantasy based on limited dimension: my data as mind, as memory, is limited. And since I know there is electrical currents within my physical body, somehow, these pictures, as these memories, are held in place, my own personal halo in accord with the beliefs, opinions and ideas, that serve a system of self interest. So, this all started with me, as I accepted this and allowed this, and within this, as I look at the world and my own relationships, the disconnect can only be because I am not equal to what is real, as the physical. The confusion, as the lack of communication between people, is that these electric halos are not in sinc with one another, and each believes their halo is what is real, is what will enable their success - either through compliance or what to reject, both acts of separation because the halo is taken to be more than physical reality on which it is built.

If I slow down and look I will inevitably see that my mind as memory is my separation, and is a separation that is a collection of pictures that are based on ideas, beliefs, and opinions of a good hiding a bad, the bad being the judgement and the good being the justification for the judgement, a fragment of the initial separation as in wanting some idea to be more than being here, equal to physical reality.

And then, it is like a sadness as in not wanting to give this up, because it has been used - and taught- as how I survive. But this sadness is really like a deconstruction only, like letting go of a friend, but realizing this is not really a friend, it is only a comfort that in the end is not a real comfort as it is a comfort that allowed oneself to match a rhythm of a small group within a bubble, that in itself is a separation from physical reality. Is there a point within an addiction that letting go of the addiction is only difficult because the change requires an effort to rebuild and the grooves of self have built something that maybe worked in one immediate moment but have proven to not work within the test of time?

To slow down to such an extent, using breath, to see how often I cling to the past to use to build an idyllic future in the halo-graphic mind of memory using limited values is the separation from myself as life, equality to here as the physical world. Our pictures tell us what we are doing on so many levels, and because we are not here, we misread them, projecting our halo values onto them, our soul constructs, our sold selves to a secondary as an interpretation of reality as a judgement of one thing being more than another of which our media decides for us, this done by others who profit in their own self interest, identical in total separation but built of minutely changed measure of value and opportunity with a little more discipline. And this,  instead of seeing our equality, and enjoying the different manifestations of this orchestra of life as the physical. I accepted the supposed goods being sold, and these goods were in the house of my upbringing, so I used them to build my own separation, continuing a collective separation that now has a consequential outflow of abusing what is real, as the physical world, deciding that the within was more than the without of which the two are equal or life would not exist. And, the outcome of this is that life will not exist which if we take the time to look, we will see happening all over this planet, this physical universe.

This means I have to stop and realize my own separations, readable as energetic movements within myself, coming up as emotions and feelings from my solar plexus, the collection of my own thoughts and the generations before me that were of the same separation, and my thoughts that are where I make one thing a good and another a bad, this thought voice a judgement direct and indirect, projecting blame instead of being responsible here in common sense, this being the use of myself as life, as this that built the halo, all of which is my own compilation of my own accepted separation from myself as life, here.

So, I slow down to realize every movement within myself, to realize the story of my separation, and to forgive this back to common sense so that I am here, equal and one with and as the physical world, as this is me and I am it because all of it is life, not just parts. I walk through the self corrective scripts I have written to ground myself here, back to common sense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the weight of protection and defense as in not looking here, as in taking a value, a fraction of existence, as a color, an idea about something and using this as a support, creating an idol, that creates a friction within and as me that I use to hold myself up, with such effort that the burden of this weighs me down and the outward manifestation of this, takes the very substance of me as life away until I begin to so subtly  shake, this eventually diminishing my human physical body, my gift of life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that all the times I became emotional in protection and self defense, that I was defending a lesser god as an idea, belief and/or opinion, and as this I was pushing away my own equality as life, my own solution right in front of me as the gift of life is here, as that which sustains me which I have rejected in favor of choosing a limitation because I feared what was really easier had I accepted and allowed it to simply be.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize this movement to define myself as an idea, opinion and belief as myself losing sight of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the anger, as reaction, as resistance, as a damning of myself as life, self created, self sustained, has become a habit that only I can forgive.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that change is impossible, when in fact this that I have allowed is no different to a child throwing a tantrum, it can be stopped from one moment to the next, it is that easy, but when in the storm, self created, self blinding, that thin veil is only made big because it is all that I accept and look at.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this inner accepted and allowed friction and conflict has no real substance, because it is not equal and one to life, and as this not equal and one to life as solution, as life is always forgiving as what one would like to receive, which is life, absolutely.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the joy of life is in giving absolutely.

Day 336 Rammed Earth House

The rammed earth house

One way of building a home is to take the soil directly from the site and pound it into forms that when removed leave behind a wall. This is a building material right under our feet, and it does not require as many trees to be cut down and moved great distances. This method of building has been in existence for thousands of years. Parts of the Great Wall of China were evidently built this way, and remain standing to this day.

The walls of a rammed earth house can be two feet thick, creating what is called a “ Thermal Mass” that collects heat during the day and releases it at night. These homes areenergy efficient using anywhere from 1/2 the heating costs to a 1/3 less in heating costs. They are also acoustically pleasant, fire resistant, insect resistant, and have longevity, and probably less toxic than many modern building materials. Also, one can build this one’s self.

The rammed earth wall is very much like a concrete wall, except that they are made from pounding earth down until the dull thud of pounding the earth begins to ring, then one knows the earth has been pounded down. What is produced is something like the sediment that creates limestone on a river bed.

There are so many ways to do things on this earth, ways that work well with the different environments. Ways that can support the human on earth, simple ways to provide homes for all, and the materials are right here and freely given. Thus, why are there so many without homes, when this is a basic need for men? There really is no excuse for any human not to have shelter and food and self development, as this is what we are, here as life. It is time to realize that this earth provides to support life and the materials are right here under our feet. It is time to take our heads out of the clouds and look down, at what is under our feet, and realize this is the ground, as earth, that supports us as life, and it is in being the haptic beings that we are, that allows real happiness to exist on earth. All humans are capable, with education that leads to understanding what is here and that we are the creators of our world and spending our time here on earth to realize life is the value. Anything that does not allow this is a crime against life.

Take yourself as life back, stand up and support a system that develops life on earth, that takes what we are as the dirt of this earth and creates a home as earth, that takes care and respects life. It is up to us to create heaven on earth. Would you really want it any other way? This is the gift of life, for you. Accept the gift of life, join desteni and support a system that supports life, Equal Money.

Day 92 The I am trapped character

Day 93 The I am trapped character

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be the I feel trapped, with no way out character.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is no way out and that I am trapped.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to focus on an idea that I am trapped, that I can no longer see the solution that is right here in front of me, which is, and can be, only one step, and thus this feeling that I am trapped is my self, as well, wanting expectations to all be automatically filled and completed.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within a system of survival and competition, debt is used to keep an individual trapped into fearing change, as change might mean a loss of money and income with which to sustain oneself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that without change there is no self development.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that this character of belief that I am trapped, is accepting and allowing conditions and limitations in fearing loss of what is believed to be good and bad in and as how I live and where I live.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that my mind runs through possible scenarios of change, and eliminated changes that do not fit the picture of what is easy, what is known, what is acceptable according to a family belief system.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that, like in the movie “ the Cube” there are many characters that are trapped within this cube and yet only one gets out, the supposed “idiot.”

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the trap is my belief , opinion and idea in and as my mind based on the morality of my past.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that I am only trapped if I accept and allow perpetual ideas as control of outcome, where I am so busy eliminating what is not known and thus comfortable that I resist seeing anything that is outside of my own conditioning.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that my trap is self created.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that patterns of my conditioning is what I am holding onto and thus creating a trap in and as the movement of myself here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that my trap is essentially a fear of change.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a thought that a way out of this trap is impossible.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this trap I believe I am within is myself not wanting to let go of the past.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this trap I believe I am within is my self fearing making changes for which I will be judged as less than.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that in taking the steps necessary to change, to walk out of this accepted and allowed and believed “trap” I will lose friends and will eventually be told. “I told you so.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the future, the unknown, which is not unknown, it is the illusion that things will be different outside of the trap of my own beliefs.

I forgive myself for allowing the voice of the character that says, “ I can't go on” to be the directive of myself, instead of realizing that the only choice is the voice of principle, as what is best for all is best for self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the voice of spite, denigrating an object or another outside of myself as the cause of my trap, which can only be what traps if I accept and allow it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the desire to blame, to justify my own trap, and my own belief – in separation from what is real as this physical world – where I allow an opinion to be the ammunition to remain within my trap, to defend not having to change and let go of comfortable behaviors.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to petrify into and as accusation as an excuse to not look beyond my own limitations, my own trap, my own accepted and allowed care actor  of personal beliefs, opinions and ideas, an illusion to step beyond to become equal to what is real, this physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the confines of my trap are what I know, and thus leaving my trap may cause the end of my own survival and lead to a failure, where it is the trap, as accepted beliefs, ideas and opinions that have lead to myself  being caught within a trap, and thus in believing myself to be in a trap, and yet not wanting to let go of what brought me into this trap, is what I fear losing, and in all common sense I am actually clinging to the bars of my own created cage, fearing to lose that which is the trap.

I commit myself to no longer see the walls of my own trap.

I commit myself to realizing that my trap is my self carrying the burden of my past as memorabilia to attempt to carry with me.

I commit myself to realizing that my trap is my social conditioning, my cultural conditioning, and my personality conditioning based on accepted and allowed beliefs of what I am from childhood in relation to values that are not the value of life.

I commit myself to realizing that this physical world as life is the value, and not a picture and idea of how things should be according to family, class, society, personal beliefs, opinions and ideas.

I commit myself to realize that the fears within and as myself have no value as life, and within this that the fears of others have no value as life as they are the walls of the trap which I believe will send me falling, yet when I look at where I will fall to, there is nothing there, just an idea of fuzzy logic and no clarity.

I commit myself to realizing that the voice in and as my mind, the voice that says, 'you can't do that' is the very wall creating the trap.

i commit myself to realizing that the veil of friction and con-flict are the illusion of loss and not what is physically real here.

I commit myself to communicating within friction and conflict as the fear that is the veil of illusion, a shower of seeming vertigo, where as I breath I realize that my feet have never left the ground as I am here, as I am life, as I am oneness in equality one and equal as the physical , here.