A mis-use of pride- something to sort out! Day 729

One thing I notice within myself, in terms of processing my own storied information, biased and based on not having enough information, and/or not listening and looking at the practical, as myself as a living being that is physical, is how much I resisted problem solving. Meaning, the lack of looking and listening, as a consequence by default of justifying not having taken the time to sort things out, as to really know the ‘ score’ of practical reality. This in itself is like an entity of self pity within- a thing that can accumulate in the back of a person.

I have a memory, of myself, walking down a New York city street, as a teenager, and wondering what was in the back’s of people. At this time in my life, I was beginning to see the realities of this world, especially from being exposed to the modeling industry as I had sisters involved in this industry. I was watching my peers move towards their ideas of entering this world too. I could cite many examples; seeing my friends moving from one group to another, changing their dress codes etc. all to fit into an idea of what it meant to ‘ grow up’ and leave something that was unique within them behind. Such a change is stark when it involves moving into playing the modeling game.

Another area was music. I would perform on the street for a teenage discretionary income. It was much more lucrative then working a minimum wage job. One winter, I worked at the huge Macy’s department store on 34th street. I encountered fathers bringing in their children, asking them to put on one of the coats and to then walk out. The child crying when the coat was taken, the father inflated and little, conflicted in getting caught, not getting his daughter the coat, and she being a witness to this.  I encountered the boss, verbally reprimanding me when her boyfriend would come in at the end of the shift and spend all his time talking to the teenage girl- the new and younger woman on the floor ( which was me). In this I was trapped, there was no where to go. I even realized that I was moved at the whim of the boss, to be placed in the most demanding situations. When it was slow, I was on the floor, cleaning up the children’s cloths on the down time, when it was busy, I was on the register. I suppose I would do the same thing, were I the boss, because it allows the boss to watch over the operations of the whole- yet at the time, I thought I was being punished! lol

In terms of street performing, it had its dangers, yet they were manageable, it was more a taboo, seemingly too loose and independent for my friends as we grew older. That minimum wage job, an entry level job, was more safe. Even on a bad day on the street, for a couple of hours, the wages were better than two hours in a store.

I remember one time, taking some of my mother’s paintings to a street fair. I sold two of them. Two out of three is not bad. It was a risk. I remember feeling like I was doing something under the societal rules, yet could not see NOT doing it at the same time.

Two things are coming up within me in relation to these memories coming up. One is how much my own limitations, in terms of what structures I should move  as within my society to get things done, and how limiting such ideas about such things are, based on real experience. That thing, in the backs of the people that I sensed in the midst of other activities in my life, during childhood, as in a sense, myself seeing what was happening around me, as limited ideologies of should’s and should not’s compounding as a moral imagery within people, walking as personifications of such, creating firewalls of belief within them. A heavyness that lacks movement and settles within, separating awareness from real living movement, as those practical things one can do that are always here. It is only belief and a fear of things that limits.

In so many ways, people really do want to help other people. People also can become intensely jealous of others. I define jealousy as feeling lousy, because that person, for example, is performing out there on the street and they ( the jealous) are not. It is a kind of reflective exposure to one’s own lack. Some rejoice and enjoy, others draw back in shame. The resisting states of being, a fear of facing reality, the practical, the simple steps necessary to get things done. 

At the moment, I have a friend I met as an adult, with whom I had a ‘ falling out’ come back into my life. They are interested in something I am doing. They have run a large business and done extremely well, affording them freedom that most of us only wish for. They have had the best education many only dream of. Within all of this, I am meeting intense reactions within what I am doing,  that they have become interested in. There are times, I just watch, slow down and listen to a tirade- of which I feel I am not allowed to possess. Time frames in regard to such reactions, I have learned do not exist. My moments though small, are huge, yet within a math, this would be the outcome. The only math is their math- their belief system of what is proper. Some of it worth assessing, carefully, to clear things up. And just as we practice new formulas, to incorporate them to the point of using them without thinking about them, applying them directly, in a moment, such things take time. It is much like we have been told; walking through a valley of good’s and bad’s, biases created from learning things in a context away from practical realty- that place/space where we live and see and interact  directly, employing all of our senses- this being a more natural and fast way to learn. Memorizing things in separation from here, is slow, and a means of control. When we can start to realize this, we can change this world in probably less than a decade. That is how well we as human beings can absorb information, this inFORM being the physical reality around us.

I was told at some point to use my past, and I have not done this as much as I could. Using my past, has a point of shame for me, because I have learned that pride is a false promise. It was at a point where I had enough experience to realize that pride in itself, was a false promise ( forgetting that the means to the end is the joy). This point a moment where I made the choice to not take something as a point of gain, in terms of being more than another, as defining myself as that, I chose to forgo the bling of a trophy of more, and instead realize that the magic was in the doing, in living the means, where the goal was important as more a completion of developing understanding.  As a dveelopment of understanding sustained and self emwpoered one’s focus and thus, capacity here. That understanding one’s greatest asset- the gift that keeps on giving, and therefor benefitting everyone. 

Now that I am older, or have spent a greater number of years as a physical beingness on a physical planet. I notice how so many of my friends, and people near the same age as myself, are losing spatial skills to greater and greater degrees. This is that thing in the back, taking over. This is that limiting set of beliefs, informing the machine. This is those beliefs of ‘ more’ that limit practical actions. This is the mind con-sciousness within all of us, as an abdication of reality. one can sense this, in the loss of spatial ability. This is a loss of focus to what is real, the physical. It is a self that cannot move through the  eye-of-the-needle.  This is self in separation from self, and instead a construct of ideas, beliefs and opinions, an inner math of bias, moving as waves of energy through one, so consuming, one forgets to breath. It is visible. If a high school student can sense this, it is visible, it is knowable, and with refocus, it can be deconstructed and changed.  THis is what it means to ebcome a master of self. No one can do this for self, but self.

I notice this in my friend. They are losing skills they had. And yet, they understand on some level that something is out of whack.

What I notice about myself, is a fear of facing a limited morality, of doing the math, despite having practiced this, and moving with greater ease in relation to calling things out by name, by measure, and standing within that. It remains with a color of losing something, even though within focusing in reality, as the practical, and understanding what a more perfect practice builds, as a more direct seeing that has a quality of something powerful and eternal, I still feel that I am cycling within something. 

At the moment, the answer that I have for myself, is that building community is spreading awareness, and that practical tools to balance out that heavy thing in the backs of men, are here. If this were easy, and I looked for quick fixes, I would, in essence, never learn to play this instrument of life, that is me here. The means is the end. To face the storm, alone, means to do the math, to leave this earth, without leaving, as in, to stand within equality and oneness with what is best for all.  That is priceless, and it is a joy too, within the present system, give thanks in directing one’s labor to and towards what enables one to become clear within, to no longer fear ‘ doing things on-the-streets/ within-the-river-banks’ of life, called earth. The momentum has to be built and lived, moving the storms and rip-currents of belief into seeing, realizing and understanding that the physical is the means to the end as life, and that the value is being here, creating. I can, take the inflammation of bias, and ground it into the physical text of real living, where what is natural, as spatial skills, are grounded in reality, never to be lost and instead to improve with the number of years one has on this earth. A master of something showed me how great the gentle is and does, as it is this part of self, that, like water, can sense the smallest of things. Those smallest-of-things are the means to ensure that there is no accumulation of heavyness in the backs of men. 

Day 672 Why am I here?

I am dealing with the system at the moment. Sometimes I feel as though I am on a slippery slope as I talk with other people. I have to remind myself why I am here. I have to remind myself what the manifested and/or manufactured behaviors are of a cracked and crumbling belief system filled  with polarities that are like a Humpty Dumpty self, a scattered self.  A self so caught up in chaos that what happens is a protection and defense of limitation voicing spite and blame’s, rejection and resistance , like a spin around in a value that is no longer aware that this is in fact what is happening. 

In such a situation, there is no time for reaction, there is not time to become angry, or sad, or to point out the fault only, and by this I mean the resistance ( this word having the word ‘rest’ within it- meaning where one rests in a belief that is an emotional polarity, a value judgement) made larger than life, a kind of stagnant state of being.  This only inflates that value judgement and I get caught in having to sort that value judgement out.  It is like pulling on stings with no reaction,  and with only solution. I cannot look at time in some respects because the very rhythm in the moment can make such appear to be an endless measure of the same. This in itself is an illusion, because the practice of being solution in every moment can accumulate and build a presence that begins to move as this, gaining momentum and moving with greater ease as this is applied.  A memory would not be able to see this, as a memory is only a measure in a moment. one would have to use a sense of registering many memories to realize a change. And, memories are another form of information/measure/data.

It is such a calming thing to realize this. Yet within me, there remains a sense of fear, the voices of ‘ what if “ lingering within and as me from a past of not having realized this. And yet, it is also like playing in tune, meaning that which is the sound that is the harmony that lends directions is there and can be the constant, because it is clear.

Within this I ask myself ‘ Why am I here?’  I am here to be present within how this all works, I am here to be present with creation, which is physical. I am here to be present and equal to what sustains, to what allows constancy , to what supports all things realizing the value is being here, where the sound of all the sounds around me allow each part to remain in balance, which is similar to remaining in tune- and this is ways that reflect what is around me to ensure what does no harm and what gives direction within the ever present solution to and towards this quality of making the choice to do no harm- which is the same as saying to realize the value of all things as the physical is life information. It is here,  right here in front of me, and it is the means of remaining constant within every moment I take being grounded and considering a move that harms nothing. It is what I am as an expression of life, it is the means of my being.

I use the metaphor of Humpty Dumpty these days as a crutch in a moment, because it allows me to realize that I may in a way, bring back the scattered measure of parts and placing them in the practical. Any moment of reaction to such only substantiates that separation, that scattered self. As I have had others remind myself of my own polarized value judgements, grounding myself in reality once again, and then sensing the separation I accepted and allowed, I can say that this is what I would want for myself, thus this is what anyone would want.

It is cool because it is like a gentle drive within and as me,  especially as I realize that no measure need define who and what I am here, as there is only here in this moment and that the why of me, is simply being here, in life expression, respecting all that is here because this reflects myself as what I am as life to me. Without this, I cannot express the greatness of being life information.  Without the world around me, would I have any definition at all? No, all that is, is an expression in form, hence all that is shows me to myself.

I feel like a joy within this, something that has been suppressed for so long  it in some ways wants to burst from my chest. And in the company of this is a sense that this is okay. Let it be.

I am not here to survive, that is the illusion. I am here to be. The why of myself being here is to understand the formation of life and to move with and as it, to sense and to enjoy what I am, which is a physical information of all that builds the physical world that is creation in expression. The physical is the nothing in formation.  Thus, I could say, ‘ god’ is a breath in form, hence I am the composition of that form where that form is “ god’ hence I am the beginning and the end, the alpha and the omega, as what is real is the physical.  What is in my mind, is simply a reflection of that, thus what is in my mind is a reflection of ideas about the physical, what is in my mind is secondary to reality.  Reacting to beliefs, opinions and ideas, is essentially reacting to a ghost in the machine that is the body that is a man hued with value judgements that have no equality to the physical. 

Why am I here? To participate in life, to be equal and one to the physical world as this is what is real.

Day 661 Moving into reaction instead of solution.

Moving into reaction instead of solution.

Yesterday I met someone while out in my world and had a conversation where  I talked about some behaviors with a certain person in relation to dealing with someone we both knew.

After the conversation, as I walked in the market, I suddenly had a movement within me that was heavy. It moved down from the top of me head, into my solar plexus. There in the supermarket, I had to slow way down and breath, as in that moment it became difficult to walk. Meanwhile, within remaining in breath, I realized that I had become a measure within as a belief, or played out a habit that I did not catch, I did not align into what is best for all.

Looking back, I realize I had allowed myself to move into fear. I had allowed myself to see doom and gloom within a situation instead of moving into solution that brought the reward of moving within the relationships around me with ease.

The situation was one where I had spoken with a person many times, agreed upon an arrangement, and that person would come back some time later and change her mind. I would then build an acceptable agreement, only to have the same thing happen again. I could feel myself starting to react. I felt like I was in a game that went nowhere.

When I met this other friend in the market, I started to question her about this other person, and she agreed with my assessment. She even asked the same question. Thus, there I stood as a reaction, becoming a blame, and moving from being directive to becoming someone who labeled something as being limiting. There is nothing necessarily wrong with this, as assessing behaviors is not a bad, and cross referencing is not bad. It was the fear I had there in the back of my mind, of a potential for a loss of opportunity, and the movement into feeling unworthy as being the cause of the ‘ wall’ in front of me. 

My assessment of this person may be correct, and may also need, at the same time, additional respect as to what is the starting point of their responses.  Yet this does not define who and what I am in terms of my worth as this is an idea within myself, and has nothing to do with directing myself here.  I can only be here, unless I believe that what is in my temple as that which is formed within me as idea, belief or opinion, which is a form of usury.  If I believe what I am formed as within, as my imagination only,  I am usurious of life around me as the physical world, because instead of remaining here in common sense, as respect of the physical, valuing all life, I am believing a measure within me and imposing this onto reality- I am selling my soul- my inner creation, instead of respecting the means of that soul, the physical. Hence my inner measure which is composing a picture show, is in total separation from reality and the consequence of this will all ways be a limitation, and that limitation because it has no real grounding, will cause insecurity, anxiety and fear. I will not see clearly here. I will cause friction with reality, I will not fit into living, I will not fit into creation. I will become stagnant. I will lose opportunity. I will separation from life. I will it. I allow it. I accept it. What is of the temple within, must be equal to the temple without as the physical. All things must be respected, everything. 

Thus, within this situation, I had to slow way down. I had to see, realize and understand where I was taking things personally, as potentially defining me as having no worth. This is myself believing that how I defined myself was more than reality, and that this was potentially going to be lost, ignored, or discredited. Non of this has anything to do with reality, with being here as a physical beingness.

Perhaps there is reason within this woman’s choices. That is okay. Perhaps there is overprotection going on within this person. That is okay, caution is necessary. Yet, within myself this behavior is just this, a measure of belief, and not one that determines who and what I am here. I either meet with the person I wanted to see, or I do not. Either way, I am here, living.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a reaction and then to move into managing my own reaction, instead of remaining here, assessing and doing that which is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become frustrated when I believe I have resolved an issue only to have that issue come up again and again, despite working through ideas and believing, and even at times, moving into superiority, in relation to a disagreement between two parties.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have wanted agreement, without slowing down to realize the perspective of others, in more detail around me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow a measure, as a perspective that had nothing to do with me, define who and what I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as my own self interest, without slowing down and assessing a situation and the reactions as the behaviors of others, to a greater degree, to find solutions that moved with more equity than reaction.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is something wrong with me,  which was myself being what I was projecting onto the person and their behaviors around me, thus was I being what I criticized and not moving into understanding and solutions that created the reward of living with ease, here, on this physical planet.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that self interest, I accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush in my own self interest, despite having taken time to assess, as the behaviors around me revealed that more assessment was needed, or to consider the interest of another, within their comfort zones, and to ease this, within and as a understanding of how a mind consciousness moves, as this is what I would have wanted for self, and within this, the way and the means to remove resistances, as in building trust, which takes time.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that something can be lost, as within this, when and as I react within an idea that something is lost, I am not moving in consideration of all things, and building an understanding that lends self direction.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to blame instead of continuing to understand until all things are clear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become annoyed, when and as I find myself having to reassess something and remain within and as what is trustworthy, as in never needing to lie, as myself as a directive principle in and as life, takes that which is good, in measure and builds what imparts a sense of ease, which is sharing a presence that solves instead of resists.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become lost within a limited measure of belief, opinion and idea within and as what I have accepted and allowed as a version of reality in the temple of my mind, a mind consciousness in separation from the means of life, of respecting all things, including the physical as the physical is life information, as the physical is the potential of life information.

When and as I find myself reacting, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I assess what I speak, to ensure that my words move from problem to solution to reward.

When and as I find myself polarizing a value, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I assess if I am within reaction to a problem, or moving instead into solution of a problem.

When and as I find myself moving into fear, as in imagining a doom and gloom scenario of loss, or lack of communication, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down until I am here, grounded, and can direct in ways that are not myself manipulating in self interest in protection and self defense based on an idea within and as the temple of a mind consciousness of limited values that I have accepted and allowed to define me instead of remaining grounded in life, the physical.

When and as I find myself becoming ashamed of what I have accepted and allowed, as a mind consciousness of belief, opinion and idea in limitation, ignoring what is real as the physical life information around me, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize that remaining in shame is not grounding myself here, in a practice of respecting all things as the physical.

When and as I find myself calling something by name, which may happen, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that I can only ground myself into speaking what moves from problem into solution in stable ways that lead to rewards for all concerned as much as I am able, here, in this moment here.

When and as I find myself allowing a situation to define who and what I am, I see, realize and understand that this is information I accepted and allowed based on a past, where I acted in the self interest as a mind consciousness in separation from respect for all things.

When and as I find myself seeking validation from another, I stop and I breath, and I realize my starting point as being one of self interest or assessment into perspective as a cross reference and within this I allow no blame and spite , I slow down and move within and as what is solution in terms of what is best for all, here.

When and as I find myself moving into guilt for not having slowed down and investigated further, beyond reaction, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I, instead of resisting in self interest, I place myself in the other’s shoes for a moment, and accept the perspective to realize solutions that lead to what is best for all here.

Day 658 Ideas need not define me, because what I am before ideas is physical.

I realize in so many ways how the habit of fear, of not looking here, can cause myself to want to hide or rush an idea into a situation. And all the while, that which is needed to solve problems is practical and measurable, right in front of me.

The other day, in a presentation, I slowed way down, breathed, and instead of rushing to reform I stopped and looked at the inform I allowed and the inform of those I presented to. I realize I had time and space.  It is like listening to a piece of music, the difference in not judging this.  I allowed the other person to complete their train of thought, to where it simply stopped, as I could see they began to answer their own question. 

This was a moment where I realized that nothing can define me but what I accept and allow, and how much ideas can drive one to the extend that an ideology is pushed without regard for all things, meaning to work with what is here, and to reform into building a focus that has responsibility in every moment. In this, any friction is getting stuck on a lack, where the limited form can be directed into what finds solutions, as what can lend ease to a situation.

I have allowed blame and spite to be the behavior of myself, instead of allowing assessment of reality, to gift myself self responsibility. Self responsibility is what each seeks, as in the desire to push one’s information out is a desire to respond, yet somehow the desire to participate has separated from real responsibility, which is to consider all things and take that which does no harm. To cause harm is to destroy a means of being responsible in a seemingly odd twist. One is chasing an ideological form without cross reference to reality. We have been told not to follow false idols, and a false idol reveals itself in actions that cause behaviors of harm in mankind.

Where does truth hide when idea is made greater than reality? Right here. If we look at the media at present, it is touting blame and spite onto a people who have fled a country that no longer has a infrastructure to support them, only to turn and propagate a fear of the same people under the guise of their religion. This is a stew of ideas and beliefs and opinions, streaming though a ubiquitous media owned by a few, in self interest, that is an idea that has no relevance to what it means to live. All those refugees are people, just like you and me, and they, just like you and me, want to feed their families and take care of their children, they want to enjoy life, they want to live. Anyway, the story makes no sense, as who would decide to get on a very thin boat and risk death unless the situation was extremely desperate? I mean, when Americans decide to help in this country, class barriers are forgotten, as well as religious differences, even species differences are forgotten because we will help animals - and they have no religion. 

Our media is buzzing with fear mongering, again and again. And, our congress in American, is passing ‘ mandates’ in the interest of the means of wealth accumulation and suppression of self responsibility in each, despite many standing up and pointing out problems with accepted practices in this age of information readily available on the internet. It is like the information of innovation and lack in current accepted practices is right here. Instead of using common sense, on the ground, we are the good students of imagination only, following information without question, as we accepted a schooling system that by design took us away from reality and forced information into a memory. We are zombified by information, accepted as a truth, despite the outcomes of lack surrounding us in every way. I mean just look at the health of Americans, and our children, we are not healthy and it is getting worse, despite what the media touts.

There are many in my world that say they can see this, and yet believe there is nothing they can do. And meanwhile, many jobs are tied to this system of dis-ease maintenance. So, in reality, there is no one holding this in place but each and every one of us, waiting for someone else to solve the problem, when is is only each of us that can solve this problem.

We can start by investigating our own accepted and allowed beliefs, opinions an ideas, and investigating the real measure of what supports us and what supports the men as the human refugees that no longer have homes because it has been bombed into a state of rubble. These men, these humans, are at the point where they simply want what we all fear losing, which is a stable shelter, clean water, nutritious food and an education.  A system that respects life is necessary in all measure, which means each must stand up and respect what it means to be a physical beingness.

As children we are not born with language and culture, this is what is impulsed afterwards. Hence we are all the same, it is only what measure of belief, opinion and idea that we believe defines us, that we learn, that causes discord and strife. What we are first is a form as a man/being on earth. The rest is a collection of values about life, based on an experience one was exposed to, like carrying information about how to live that can change from one climate to another, from one moment to another.  In this sense, religion is to justify not wanting to change, to project a blame onto something else, because a man has chosen an idea about something to define him, instead of realizing that what a man is, is a form that has two arms, a torso, a head, and two legs that are perfect mechanisms to interact on this earth, create things, build things, working with nature. And that men have the ability to assess the nature of the environment and understand it. Somewhere along the way, ideas became greater than reality, and the few who forced their ideas over others, in the temples of their minds as their memories, forced others to pay them to follow their memories, their measures of belief, opinion and idea! Within this, the followers accepted and allowed this despite the harm it has done and continues to do to so many living things on this earth. Our responsibility is to life on earth, to become what sustains and respects all life.

The things dividing us, are ideas made larger than reality, as the physical. That physical world, is the truth hidden right in front of us. As our refugees make clear, it is not ideas that sustain us, it is food, shelter, clean water and an education that equalizes us to being at ease on this physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become an idea before respect for life, as physical in form.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe the measure in and as the thoughts, ideas and opinions, within and as mu mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that one value is more than another, and within this, to not see realize and understand that a value is a value, and has a name that fits into physical living, as in practicing being life, and respecting all things, taking that which is good and does no harm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place idea before life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not ground myself equal and one to the physical world, in thought word and deed in every moment of breath here, to see realize and understand that what ideas exist within and as my mind are just this, ideas, beliefs and opinions in and a s my mind, where I can slow own and cross reference the physical reality to ground ideas, beliefs and opinions in measure to a practice of physical living that causes no harm.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that self direction as mind, as idea only is energetic,  as this is the measure of that idea inflated and made larger than life, separating presence into an inferior state of being.

When and as I find myself ungrounded in reality, as in losing a sense of being self responsible with ease, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I cross reference my within to the without, my above as an accepted mind consciousness, to the below, to investigate and assess and consider all things as all things are me in another life, until I am calm, serene, at ease, to ensure in thought word and deed that which takes that which is good and does no harm, applying the golden rule to give as I would receive, and to build a world that is what is best for self, as this is what is best for all.

When and as I find myself having a shallow breath, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, and I assess all things, taking that which is good, in this physical manifestation of life as life would, to ensure that no harm is done to plant, animal or man, to stand in responsibility with and as all life, to become equal and one with life as the physical, as this is the eye of the needle, the gift to birth myself in equality and oneness with life.

Day 654 Returning to Common Sense.

Returning to common sense.

Last night, as I was driving back from a second presentation for the week, I wanted to go into all manner of self doubt and give up. The problem is that the drama within and as me, had no common sense. This was myself looking at lack, instead of the very measure of the world around me. I had to stop, as I do so often these days, in terms of the beliefs, opinions and ideas that swim around in my mind, as what my own mindfulness is, filled with a measure that categorizes things within values of more than and less than, ignoring the practical right in front of me. I live on and as a physical beingness, and this physical world has an order of creation, built of parts, as cells, and probably even smaller particles. And these parts, collectively form me, here. It is a magnificent thing for sure. 

And yet, here I am imagining all manner of doom and gloom situations that bear no witness to this practical living measure. Instead, I am in an imaginative construction of limited ideas, made larger than the life around me, the physical life around me. I have accepted and allowed what is usurious as a verb, and pyramidal as a form, composed of limited values that are metaphysical, because they are not in common sense of this physical means of expression, which would be to include all life!

Within this limited construction lived in an imaginative state, I have become a mind consciousness and not a life consciousness. I have allowed a bubble of limitation to define who and what I am.

And, because I learn through spaced repetition, I become what I believe as a measure, I program myself with a metaphysical ideology, that does not fit into what I am, causing a dis-ease within my physical self and with the world around me, hence instead of seeing directly here, I end up in my car, driving down the road, imagining a lack, believing my inner measure to be true, and everyone else’s measure to be  the fault in comparison to my own. Yet, right here, right in that moment, is the obvious answer, I am in separation from common sense, and that common sense is right here in front of me, all the time, has always been! Thus, it is only me who can be the blame, because I accepted it, I allowed it. I am the cause of my own separation and I am the only one that can change this lesser measure that is chaotic because it does not fit into reality, as the physical. I am the cause of friction as the conflict within composed of self pity, and spite towards the world around me. I am focused within a construct of lack. I have, because I learn through spaced repetition, accepted limited measures about reality, again and again until I have believed them to be true. Hence when I race as my own measure of expectation, and that expectation is not lived exactly as my inner picture show stories, I crash. 

As I drove, I stopped. The blame and spite in my mind, sometimes blaming  a lack without, and/or a lack within, judging another and/or myself as not being enough, has nothing to do with using common sense, realizing that we all are doing this, and grounding what is always right here, as the solution of bringing everything back down to earth, as in moving into a common sense measure with the means of myself being here, which is the physical world. The means of this is always the simple. And that simple is always right here in front of me, it has to be, or the ubiquitous media shower of a ‘ good’ that is a false positive would not be so effective in causing a metaphysical society in separation from earth as mankind! 

That ever present and constant media uses a spaced measure of constant remeasure to ensure common sense is not used, to distract one from what is real, as the physical world that is creation information. LOL, the media uses a limited information and repeats it again and again, to induce, or divide the within measure of each person from what is real, the physical world that is creation information.

Someone said to me this week, as I brought up what is called the ‘ harem effect’ that this was only showing the preference of a person. Yes, this is true, yet it is that preference when used to define a person, as a set of values preferred, that the rest of the many wonderful values as qualities of the physical world are ignored, hence an expansion within one’s awareness of the qualities of the world around us, are denied, as those limited values that are not bad values, are chased to serve one’s personification of oneself. That personification when made larger than the physical is a limitation. If one decides to be that measure, because it is a measure, that is cool, yet remember that one is ‘ trying something out’ and within this to respect all other measure as being of equal value, where not one is more than another. And remember that if one remains within one measure, it can become an illusion of truth, which leads to becoming stagnant, where that truth becomes a comfort, and change appears to cause a death of one’s habit or measure which appears to be uncomfortable, and is really only un- com-forting one’s value system composed of qualities in a moment. Thus, it is as though one took on some values in a moment, and within that forgot, or dismembered one’s self from everything else in this physical world. If one remembered this, then change would be a transformation instead of a death. 

Yet all of this shows how much we are creators!  If we look at how fluid children are, how they absorb and change and develop, we can understand that this is our real nature, to be able to change and take in form and function! Our within is really just like water, we can take on the form of the world around us, and come up with new ways of doing things! In all common sense, this is how men, as their real nature, can come up with new ways of doing things that improve our understanding of the means of living as the physical world around us. And, this is when we are most happy, because we are using all of ourselves to sense the world around us! This is the gift of life, within and as us. This is the instrument of the physical world as us, moving in fluid constancy as change with creation as the physical world as life information!

It is only because we have allowed ourselves to believe an inner measure for a moment to be more than the world around us, as the physical, that we have become stagnant and interior to life. We are living in fear, we are allowing a false evidence to appear real! And that false evidence is composed of qualities that are inflated values ignoring all values as being a part of life! It is really very simple. Hence, spiting and blaming another’s value system which is self blaming and spiting self’s value system because it is all composed of values existent within the physical, is really only a paranormal event in one’s mind and not an act of respect for life. It is not self being self as life, it is a disconnect from one’s real nature, which is fluid and changeable like water.

So, as I sat in my car, I realized that all the fear moving through me in the form of believing in a lack and blaming that lack, within and without, and realizing that the expectations I held based on limited values that missed a common sense of reality and the separation that exists as the minds of men, I have to slow down, and realize the hue on men, is a measure of limited values believed to be more than reality, that have become one’s greatest weakness as false evidence appearing real, a meta-physical construction of values that are great strengths because they are aspects of reality, as the only thing that is real, is the physical world as this is life information.

The warning here, is that the imposition of a false god, as a limited meta-physical construction of beliefs, opinions and ideas, to define one’s self, perpetually made larger than life, will destroy life, render it shattered because that imposition of lack, does not fit into creation, cannot and will not. As life takes that which is good and does no harm. Unless each man, removes the hue of self interest, and respects the physical world, which means working with the physical in ways that do no harm, using one’s real nature that is fluid like water and considering all things, within each moment, the physical world will shatter and disintegrate, as we see happening all around us, especially in the state of health of our trees. We are, if we continue to allow hierarchy, destroying this earth and creation, we are destroying the means to being life in expression, as nature is the product of what works in the physical, as what works in the physical is what fits in symbiotic ways.

We have one chance, one life, we can realize equality, as everything being us in another form/life, or we can stagnate in a mind consciousness that is a limitation forgetful of the real creation as the physical world guiding us towards what works as in what does no harm, taking that which is good as this is the action of respecting all things.

Day 624 my imaginative perceptive lens of values separating me from the practice of living a physical life.

I had a dream last night where I was kissing someone while here were people all around me. Lately, I have been asking myself how I can connect with people more than I am currently able. In this journey to life, I slow down and look at how I moved myself, what thoughts directed me, that I had impulsed into my physical behavior, and what in turn came to create my personality. This is what I repeated, that because of the way I learn, through spaced repetition, became what I interpreted around me to define me, using a set of values that bordered my existence as my experience, limiting me from connecting. The paranormal fantasy of the imagination, in turn, shows the value system imagery to create the way for me to move forward with the information impulsed into it again and again. I think of the media and how ‘ love’ is impulsed, intimacy being something connected to a relationship more than other kinds of intimacy. I mean, I live here, and am intimate with all life, it is not a one-size-fits-all state of being. When I look at the physical as what I am here, and the same that surrounds me, it is all physical, thus, when I am not of this imagination only, I can become intimate with life, because what surrounds me, is me. The physical world is life, it is creation. The ideological dividends and borders held in check through a systemic design, are the dividing means to occupy attention from what is real, as some wanted to play god, and accumulate wealth to control, instead of realizing the value is being life as the physical. As a matter of course, if we realized the value was life and that life was physical, and became intimate with the physical before imagination, we could order this world into heaven on earth in a short period of time.

If I become intimate with the measure of my own separation into my metaphysical imagination and can share this, then I can use my separation to describe indirectly how I lost self-intimacy with life, with the physical, and connect to this life around me, within my relationships. It is like I share the reflection of the means of my separation.

My dream is an example of how my imagination uses values as what I have accepted to define connection within a very narrow focus, the details of which give no real directive in practice within connection, with being intimate with this reality. The units of measure are of values, limited ones, ones that take a life time to correct, but a short period of time to impulse, so great is our ability as physical beings to take in information. If the information impulsed is of limited measure, creating a warped value system, because the units are not necessarily ‘ bad’ it creates a lack in perception. With investigation of life, as one lives and has to opportunity beyond say sitting in a classroom taking in knowledge and information without practical application or exposure to language, then the opportunity to expand is extremely limited, and since the first years of life are when this ability is most open, before the imagination accumulated enough in-formation to become the play out as the imagination that begins to direct,  the separation because of existing in a situation where thinking and imagining only dominates, this becomes paramount, this whole existing in imagination over reality, this physical world in which one lives. Here, that absorbent ability is mal-formed and causes mis-takes because it has little or very very limited time spent investigating the very means of existence, which is the physical. This is why punishment of lack is a crime, because it is not the action of grounding one’s awareness back into the practical application that gives a directive to the physical, spatially, directives that support what is best for that form as a man. And, ironically, this is why in the special needs community, the practice is to create interventions that ground the child back into the physical. To which I ask myself, in this moment, ‘ will measures of grounding in this community, or are these measures enough to counter the world around the child that are the means of separation from being grounded in thought, word and deed? Probably not. We become, instead, a snake eating its own tale/tail ( imagination that is of a measure of values as some parts made greater than others- the cause of separation from being grounded and stable here).

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place one value in this physical reality as being more than another, and by value here I mean a quality, a measure, a form.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have not seen realized and understood how  what I made a value greater than another value, quality, measure, become what defined me as what I brought forward as imagination causing and accepting a very limited construct as my belief system, separating myself into a intimacy as self that was of a measure that stagnated my own connection to and as life as what I am here as a physical being.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become limited information.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from life,

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel shame for what I have accepted and allowed, as shame is regret, and is still an idea within and as me, thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be shamed of my separation, to let this go and to realize the only choice is to focus myself here, equal and one to and as the physical as this is life information, and within this to investigate this reality, to self empower the gift of life that is me as my common sense to ground myself equal and one here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how the separation in and as me, starts in the family, as the parents are of the same separation and as this, became the measure of myself, where this overall is to forgive, and to investigate myself back into and equal with, this physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become inferior to life, to use limited values to define who and what I am here, to become the memory of and as this, layered within the waters of my physical body, creating directives that cannot transpose into being life, as practicing respecting physical reality this separation causing mis-takes that accumulate in my flesh that are too big to order into direct seeing and interacting with the practice of what it means to be a physical life information, here and that become a memory occupying myself as my little heaven,  that is really just shadows on the wall of and as my mind, that veil said to need to be removed in some cultures on earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize and see, the composition of what 

I  have accepted and allowed, as my imagination, and that this is not what is real, and a limited system of values all charged with emotion and feeling, where what I reject persists because this is what I am not accepting as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that at present my own intimacy as imagination is the picture show of my value accumulation, as what I believe will allow me to survive in a system created by many men that at present is an extension of what I have accepted and allowed within and as me, a system that over all does not value the physical, which means does not value life, as ideas, beliefs and opinions are made greater than the practice of respectful living.

When and as I find myself lacking in the ability to connect with others, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I forgive in spoken word what I have accepted and allowed as value judgements in self interest in fear of losing my own imagination as what I have focused on as being more than life here, and what I believe defines me, and I assess, as investigate what is here, and move in tandem with that which does no harm and takes that which is good as this is what sustains physical reality, the means of myself as life information here.

When and as I find myself  fearing the reaction of limitation as an imagination of some values made huge and other values rejected in fear of losing one value over another, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I assess what is here, to practice assessing what is here, to practice being flexible and changeable as myself as common sense, to become what can face the unexpected here, as in taking in what is here as the physical to enable myself to direct in ways that do no harm, and realize my own investigative powers with and in every moment here.

Day 622 Am I the automation of my beliefs, opinions and ideas? Do I i consider all life?

So often I notice that I fear telling the truth, the real common sense measure of this physical real world where I live my life.. In little things even, as though making things clear  is somehow ‘ bad” or ‘ offensive’. Really a form of insanity on a practical physical world. If I want to get something done, I have to walk the practical measure of what it means, step by step to get that thing done. If I want to learn to play the violin, I have to become aware of the from of it, the mechanics of it. I mean, is this not how we learn to drive a car? Is this not how we learn to wash our clothes? Is this not how we learn to cook?

If I am driving down a road, and I see a scruffy looking dog who appears disoriented, is it not to do what I would want done for me were I the flesh and blood that is the same as me, as that dog? Is not a dog formed of cells and water and fats and minerals just as I am? How is it that men have ignored what is a starting point that is the same in all physical life? How is it that men, as all of us,  realize we must walk the steps to move our bodies into a washroom, turn on the hot water, pick up the bar of soap, move our arms in an up and down motion, as in walking the order of what it means to clean our bodies, and yet, not see, realize and understand that everything that happens on this earth is because the steps to order outcomes must be walked to complete a movement as what and how life works in a physical form?

How is it that we do not see and realize the obvious outcome of paying interest on money borrowed means moving the principle from the source as the labor and the material value. like a drain, into those lending with interest? How is it that we do not realize that this by design is a pyramid scheme that requires endless growth on a finite planet that can sustain itself if what is taken out circulates back, to once again transform into what should create value for the betterment of life?

That dog on the side of the road, had to walk, move though, situations, as measure of experience and exposure to come to exist in the lack that it is experiencing the measure of.

How is it that we cannot realize that the so-called veil, is that our inner experience is not equal to practical reality when we ignore that dog? How is it that we cannot see that we are not seeing this reality directly, when we ignore so many things that exist that are unacceptable all around us?

How is it that we ignore poverty and men who resort to crime and end up in prison, when so many of us, especially the middle class realize that we must educate our children through exposing them to opportunities in self development, as self refinement in inner measure, and yet, ignore that this is the way and the means to prevent lack in men? Saying ‘ I know” and then not acting upon this, is as negligent as being that cause directly of situations of lack, in any living form on this earth. They are no different.

As far as myself fearing to tell the truth, to look here, to realize that physical movements happened that lead to what exits here. There is no invisible hand, there is no iron fist, there is the reality of the measure of here as the physical. Our metaphysical metaphors are the signifiers of our ignorance and the sound of justification in our words. We are mis-using the gift of sound, distorting out communication. 

Today,, when I spoke up about something, I noticed this inability to look without, as I only looked at the words I spoke to stand stable in the form I wanted to convey, so concentrated on my words was I, to hold them, that little of me sensed the space and time of the world around me. It was just a moment, thus, I realized this on reflection in the next moment.

This is not something new to me. And yet, I know I am capable of this, after all playing in a group requires listening to the parts and the whole, which means I have the ability to sense the parts and the whole.  We all do, otherwise we would not be able to drive our cars. How far can we go if we realize real equality means focusing here, in total, our withins being equal to our withouts? Respecting what is here as this physical world that reaches its full potential when no lack is allowed?

What I repeat becomes me, it accumulates and then becomes a habit within me. If I judge, and then compare, where one thing is more than another, I become the state of ‘ measuring” that state of being, and I walk around in that measure, that act of comparison- based on ideas that I already habituated as something to define me. When I reject what does not suit my habit, my state of measure repeated until automated, just like being addicted to porn, I become a walking projection of that, and see only what supports that projection that ignores what is real, right here in front of me, what respects and enjoys differences, learns and expands in awareness from them. I become a persona of what I accept and allow. Through repetition I program what I am. If the measure is not a practice of equal consideration of the means of my being here, then I become unequal to the life that is this physical world.

If I see directly here, and absorb what is the movement and function and measure of something and take it for what it is without value judgements, then I am more grounded here, and more aware, and more able to direct myself in ways that consider things and receive them to realize actions that do no harm. This is really what my physical body is the means to be and do.

If my inner measure as my beliefs and ideas repeated and habituated are not what is aware of here, my within ordered to assess the without, then there builds a weight within me, a heaviness that cannot fit into directives that lack consequences I must eventually face and realign. 

All of this means that I am just like a computer, my memory can fill up, and that what my memory is, the measure of it, if it is not clear in seeing reality directly,  I cannot process the information of my living here, and have many miss-takes that end up not fulfilling the real sensory potential of myself, and because of this, I create my own insecurity and have a hard time being truthful, because I have become the habit of my separation as the measure I repeated and programmed into me. 

If I punish myself, or what ever measure is here, as in resisting mis-measure,  I am not standing with what is real;  the only solution is to stand as what is real here, being directive within this. To realize, within each moment, that I create who and what I am within what I accept and allow. And, that in every moment I can ground myself here. And no matter what, remain present despite what ever habituated memory validates its measure within or without as behaviors, which must need be done because this is not being aligned within to the without as the means of living, the physical, this that is always right here, present, life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear to be truthful.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing the measure as belief, opinion and idea within and without, as this is a measure of equal-standing phy-si-cal life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, for example, to judge myself as being more based on what model of car I drive, or on how my appearance is received within a system that is the accumulation of limited measures of values  causing an inner attention to comparison in the order of that limited value instead of, as in these instances, being thankful for having a car, and or respecting having clothing and the ability to have clean hair, taking care of the body, and instead of being comparison with an end judgement of distain, to avoid, to instead assess and direct in ways that do no harm, realizing that each has the capacity to investigate and reorder through being practical here, with the aid of the physical showing the way in every moment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being the practice of common sense of reality as what I am the perfect form as physical living to be and to do.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to listen to hear the form within of another, and within this to allow self discovery, and self awareness, and to realize that in remaining focused here, in physical life, as life would be an information,  being truthful as in being self honest, is being equal to the measure of practical reality, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be oblivious to the practice of physical living here, the means and way of being life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that being in creation, means to walk the measure of the practice of physical living here.

When and as If ind myself resisting here, as in behaviors of rejection or resistance, i stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I ground myself as in equalize myself to the measure of reality, and I assess what I am allowing and accepting as a measure as the experience I have labeled in judgement as my past, as a belief about here, and I move into and as, in thought word and deed that which respects and considers  all life, as the physical form here that is the means of my existence, to see, realize and understand what is best for all.

When and as I find myself feeling overwhelmed within and as bringing myself back down to earth, as in conveying the practice of living on a physical planet, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I assess and investigate what is here, right in front of me, becoming the moment of here, as it is here that I can equalize myself back into being life.

When and as I find myself reacting to belief, opinion and idea, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand that such is a measure of under-standing that must self realize and have the space and time to reground, thus reaction in terms of such defining me,  exists only if I accept and allow it, as I am life, the means to ‘ turn the tide,’ the form of my accepted and allowed belief, to slow way down and sense what is the directive as the practical steps, as the practice of living in consideration of all things as me, as I am here.

When and as I sense a weight as a movement as something that does not fit into here, as a sense of feeling overwhelmed, or anxious, of fearful, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I take the time and space to investigate myself equal and one to and with life here, as this I slow down and take in the information in front of me, assess and ground myself here in thought, word and deed.

Day 469 The EXIT ment of fantasy.

I have been awake for a couple of hours, and I begin to notice that there are moments where I go into a fantasy composed of past events coupled with ideas as what would create a norm, as the values within our present system, because these are the stories I accepted that I build on as my soul/sole construct, as the social construct in which I spent my first seven years of life, one that has been built and touted for generations, this our present media ensures/maintains in the self interest of the product behind the presentation, because this is impulsing behaviors through belief, opinion and idea, with pictures and music and words. A tapestry of tools building an inner world, a collection of dimensions brought forward and played with to construct a following. And yet, this that is built is not equal in understanding to this physical earth, had it been, then there would not be starvation, deforestation, desertification, cancer, disease, animal abuse, substance abuse within and without. This meaning, the pollution of water and air, pollution of the human, plant an animal inner worlds: were we within, equal to the physical, in respect, there would be no abuse on earth. So what man has created, as the present system, is in separation from reality, from the physical, and thus, is in a lesser order of the use of the physical world.The consequence of this is a separation from an awareness, a connection to life, and as this a loss of depth perception that is a loss of connection, a loss of flexibility, changeability, a lightness of being that when suggested as such cannot be readily grasped as a movement, so accustomed have we become to the chaos and weight of friction and conflict, of stress. As such we have externalized that which is of no judgement and uses music and words and pictures to generate emotions and feelings into some order that is a very limited order, and yet, we see these tools created by machines generating these emotions, to which we all react and even call a “ Hallmark” moment. Within this we can directly see how our emotions and feelings are of no real substance, because they can be created with sound and color by a machine. And yet they are real? Can that emotion generated by a machine, feed the animals, or us? No. They really have no meaning, none. And, yet, this is what we are allowing to be impulsed within us?

I notice as I allow myself to go into imagination, that I am no longer present here. And within this that I miss here, I fragment myself from here, I allow myself to lie within fantasy based on limited dimension: my data as mind, as memory, is limited. And since I know there is electrical currents within my physical body, somehow, these pictures, as these memories, are held in place, my own personal halo in accord with the beliefs, opinions and ideas, that serve a system of self interest. So, this all started with me, as I accepted this and allowed this, and within this, as I look at the world and my own relationships, the disconnect can only be because I am not equal to what is real, as the physical. The confusion, as the lack of communication between people, is that these electric halos are not in sinc with one another, and each believes their halo is what is real, is what will enable their success - either through compliance or what to reject, both acts of separation because the halo is taken to be more than physical reality on which it is built.

If I slow down and look I will inevitably see that my mind as memory is my separation, and is a separation that is a collection of pictures that are based on ideas, beliefs, and opinions of a good hiding a bad, the bad being the judgement and the good being the justification for the judgement, a fragment of the initial separation as in wanting some idea to be more than being here, equal to physical reality.

And then, it is like a sadness as in not wanting to give this up, because it has been used - and taught- as how I survive. But this sadness is really like a deconstruction only, like letting go of a friend, but realizing this is not really a friend, it is only a comfort that in the end is not a real comfort as it is a comfort that allowed oneself to match a rhythm of a small group within a bubble, that in itself is a separation from physical reality. Is there a point within an addiction that letting go of the addiction is only difficult because the change requires an effort to rebuild and the grooves of self have built something that maybe worked in one immediate moment but have proven to not work within the test of time?

To slow down to such an extent, using breath, to see how often I cling to the past to use to build an idyllic future in the halo-graphic mind of memory using limited values is the separation from myself as life, equality to here as the physical world. Our pictures tell us what we are doing on so many levels, and because we are not here, we misread them, projecting our halo values onto them, our soul constructs, our sold selves to a secondary as an interpretation of reality as a judgement of one thing being more than another of which our media decides for us, this done by others who profit in their own self interest, identical in total separation but built of minutely changed measure of value and opportunity with a little more discipline. And this,  instead of seeing our equality, and enjoying the different manifestations of this orchestra of life as the physical. I accepted the supposed goods being sold, and these goods were in the house of my upbringing, so I used them to build my own separation, continuing a collective separation that now has a consequential outflow of abusing what is real, as the physical world, deciding that the within was more than the without of which the two are equal or life would not exist. And, the outcome of this is that life will not exist which if we take the time to look, we will see happening all over this planet, this physical universe.

This means I have to stop and realize my own separations, readable as energetic movements within myself, coming up as emotions and feelings from my solar plexus, the collection of my own thoughts and the generations before me that were of the same separation, and my thoughts that are where I make one thing a good and another a bad, this thought voice a judgement direct and indirect, projecting blame instead of being responsible here in common sense, this being the use of myself as life, as this that built the halo, all of which is my own compilation of my own accepted separation from myself as life, here.

So, I slow down to realize every movement within myself, to realize the story of my separation, and to forgive this back to common sense so that I am here, equal and one with and as the physical world, as this is me and I am it because all of it is life, not just parts. I walk through the self corrective scripts I have written to ground myself here, back to common sense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the weight of protection and defense as in not looking here, as in taking a value, a fraction of existence, as a color, an idea about something and using this as a support, creating an idol, that creates a friction within and as me that I use to hold myself up, with such effort that the burden of this weighs me down and the outward manifestation of this, takes the very substance of me as life away until I begin to so subtly  shake, this eventually diminishing my human physical body, my gift of life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that all the times I became emotional in protection and self defense, that I was defending a lesser god as an idea, belief and/or opinion, and as this I was pushing away my own equality as life, my own solution right in front of me as the gift of life is here, as that which sustains me which I have rejected in favor of choosing a limitation because I feared what was really easier had I accepted and allowed it to simply be.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize this movement to define myself as an idea, opinion and belief as myself losing sight of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the anger, as reaction, as resistance, as a damning of myself as life, self created, self sustained, has become a habit that only I can forgive.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that change is impossible, when in fact this that I have allowed is no different to a child throwing a tantrum, it can be stopped from one moment to the next, it is that easy, but when in the storm, self created, self blinding, that thin veil is only made big because it is all that I accept and look at.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this inner accepted and allowed friction and conflict has no real substance, because it is not equal and one to life, and as this not equal and one to life as solution, as life is always forgiving as what one would like to receive, which is life, absolutely.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the joy of life is in giving absolutely.