Day 336 Rammed Earth House

The rammed earth house

One way of building a home is to take the soil directly from the site and pound it into forms that when removed leave behind a wall. This is a building material right under our feet, and it does not require as many trees to be cut down and moved great distances. This method of building has been in existence for thousands of years. Parts of the Great Wall of China were evidently built this way, and remain standing to this day.

The walls of a rammed earth house can be two feet thick, creating what is called a “ Thermal Mass” that collects heat during the day and releases it at night. These homes areenergy efficient using anywhere from 1/2 the heating costs to a 1/3 less in heating costs. They are also acoustically pleasant, fire resistant, insect resistant, and have longevity, and probably less toxic than many modern building materials. Also, one can build this one’s self.

The rammed earth wall is very much like a concrete wall, except that they are made from pounding earth down until the dull thud of pounding the earth begins to ring, then one knows the earth has been pounded down. What is produced is something like the sediment that creates limestone on a river bed.

There are so many ways to do things on this earth, ways that work well with the different environments. Ways that can support the human on earth, simple ways to provide homes for all, and the materials are right here and freely given. Thus, why are there so many without homes, when this is a basic need for men? There really is no excuse for any human not to have shelter and food and self development, as this is what we are, here as life. It is time to realize that this earth provides to support life and the materials are right here under our feet. It is time to take our heads out of the clouds and look down, at what is under our feet, and realize this is the ground, as earth, that supports us as life, and it is in being the haptic beings that we are, that allows real happiness to exist on earth. All humans are capable, with education that leads to understanding what is here and that we are the creators of our world and spending our time here on earth to realize life is the value. Anything that does not allow this is a crime against life.

Take yourself as life back, stand up and support a system that develops life on earth, that takes what we are as the dirt of this earth and creates a home as earth, that takes care and respects life. It is up to us to create heaven on earth. Would you really want it any other way? This is the gift of life, for you. Accept the gift of life, join desteni and support a system that supports life, Equal Money.

Day 251 Thoughts within Self abdication Care actor

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must give attention to the present structure of society within care for one human being more than another.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that being a mother is how I must present myself where my attentions are on taking care of a house, and mychildren only, and within this what is happening in the world, as in understanding the structures of this world as the monetary system and how this effects what is presented within the health system, and the education system are not of my concern, not seeing realizing and understanding that the very existent structures within this world will determine the outcomes of my children and my home, thus within and as caring for what is within my immediate environment is determined by the very structures of what man has built.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in all common sense to have a thought that I am a mother only, or a widow only and within this to believe that my concerns within my role abdicate any responsibility within investigation into and as how this world functions as systems, is myself accepting limitations with and as myself as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in thinking only about my immediate concerns without understanding what man has created and investigating the total ways and means the present system functions, what directive capacity really exists within and as me?
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize what my thoughts are attentions to.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I look to my thoughts and try to understand the totality of this system, by investigating how money moves in this world, how investing works, how usury works, where money is spent within the government budget, why there are people who do not have a roof over their head, instead of making judgements based on the cultural beliefs in which I live, within religion and spirituality, within class and nationality, all of this in tandem within how money moves and distributes life supporting resources, how these resources are processed, to see, realize and understand what is in fact here as a movement of what is here, where as I investigate I will begin to see that many of the ways things are organized on this earth are not what is best for all, and that there is no common sense within and as this.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stop and to see, how my thoughts are all within limited attentions, and should I begin to investigate, I will find it difficult to take in some of the forms of the existent structures, which is something to be curious about in and as itself, because I am life, and thus why would it be that I cannot grasp life, here with ease, especially since children can learn so quickly?
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that if I am wanting to save someone or something, this in itself indicates that life is not being supported on this planet, as when there is ease, things move smoothly and this is not what exists on this earth.
I forgive myself for not seeing, realizing and understanding, through standing back and realizing how my thoughts are products of a system that supports inequality, thus myself in separation from understanding what is here as life, where I would be able to understand how separate i have become from life, simply by going and doing some manual task that I have never ever attempted before, like building some steps - for instance- it would mean I would have to slow down and use my common sense, to slowly walk through what needs to be done, but instead I would stop and think “ this is a man’s job” or “ I cannot handle a circular saw” or “ I can’t see and understand the simple zigzag shape of a board cut out to fit steps, when this shape and this saw and this step are simple fucking shapes and if I can’t LOOK and understand this then it is obvious that how I exist and what I allow has become extremely limited, and within this realize this is the mind as consciousness accepting limited beliefs based on social dictates accepted and allowed without common sense.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I meet someone from what is labeled as a “lower level of society” to realize that, just as I might not be able to walk through the steps of building a set of steps, such humans have never walked through within self direction within specific understanding and realization of what it means to take care of self, a state of ease and self direction has never existed for them, which means the present systems are not in fact taking care of life on this earth, as in not developing common sense, and if anything, such present systems are dependent on lack of common sense behaviors as they have been built around them, and even here, the same behaviors of what is essentially an inability to see, in common sense -what is physically here as life and how it functions - supports the outflows of non-seeing and does not look at the cause of lack, the cause of an inability to move self effectively in and as what self is which is life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that what i have been taught within class and culture is how to avoid such scenarios, where people have lesser ability to direct themselves as life, as their attentions are disturbed through a desperate attempt at survival, where the question needs to be asked, what came first the chicken or the egg?
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that playing the savior in a bubble, without realizing the totality of the system as its very structure is what needs to change, is futile and will just create a feel good moment, like a hallmark moment, which is just a feeling and obviously such hallmark moments are sold as cards, and have been going on for a long time, even down to the commercials talking about the “oh so good” efforts of this charity or than charity, where I watch this on a tube and feel good for a moment, not seeing realizing and understanding that this is entertainment, within and as a energetic feeling, and this is all it is, thus it has no real value, as it does nothing to change this world in such a way that such presentations of “ we are so good and doing so much” need not exist.

I commit myself to seeing , realizing and understanding that my thoughts, as consciousness, are of limited value, as they actually justify suffering, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that suffering in any form is not and cannot be life, as suffering is suffering and not self directing self, with ease, in and as life here, thus is it my responsibility in and as life, to investigate this present system that is a creation of men, to understand what I allow to exist in and as thoughts as consciousness of attention on objectification of compound ideals only, without consideration of what is equal and one as what is here , as the physical, which is the substance of life.
I commit myself to see, realize and understand that unless a system exists that allows life to support itself as life, to develop itself as life, what exists is denial of life, and the outflow of this is suffering, which is not life, as suffering is suffering and not life expressing itself as life, here.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that when I have a difficult time seeing what is here in common sense, as believing I cannot understand the monetary system - for example- where i might believe “ it is too difficult and complicated” I must stop, breath and slow myself down to walk in specificity the structure of the system, to see, realize and understand what this structure consists of and what it allows within its movement, and that there is no excuse as to why this cannot be done, which begs the question as to what the thought of this is in fact, and to realize this is an accepted an allowed limitation as a belief taught should I return to what i learned within and as belief from parents, society, and education, by others limited in thought, word and deed as the behaviors of belief accepted and allowed that are really judgements as avoiding looking at what exists as what is created by men on this earth, where the resources can only create a value that sustains life through the use of many many hands of men, and thus no one man has developed what is here, and to place such development into a figure as one man, is to create an illusion that does not in common sense look at the totality of how this physical world works in fact, as well, where it can be clearly seen that a thought of “ So and so, having been a great man who built America” for example, holds no common sense of this physical existence, as one man only has two hands and cannot build what is presently in America, as one man cannot live that long, thus the presentation of a story about one man having built America means that in common sense this is about the control of money that one man had, and since money has become god, the man with the control of the money is the idol created in having taken the values created with life sustaining resources and gathered this in having placed this value into/onto a piece of paper and then gathered as much of this as possible and distributed this to direct the hands of men in his own aggrandizement and self interest without consideration for life, where life is the value, and not the imaginary and illusive value placed on one object, as one man being some kind of creator, as what is here was created by the hands of all men.
I commit myself to realizing how illusory the stories behind presented idols are in fact and that such stories , as what is taught within family, education, society, withhold common sense of this physical world and how this functions, where the starting point of all of this is one and the same, each and every human being, fearing to be self responsible as life in common sense, where the present system is simply a reflection of self abdicating self as life, consciousness, as thoughts, emotions and feelings simply a un-substantive/energetic product of this separation from self direction within each and every one of us, consciousness, a collection of limited beliefs, opinions and ideas, based on false idols, as values limited of the specific real eyesing of how this physical world in fact functions, where stories on “ one man nation builders” is an example of a thought of no common sense within the practical aspects of this actual physical world.

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Day 208 Fluctuating vertigo

Ladder, Vertigo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was up on a ladder today and suddenly had vertigo whereas one moment before I did not, and had no qualms about being up high on a ladder.
I had had this the days before, and had spoken some SF on the point, and a memory from high school where I experienced a man falling onto his head onto cement. Today I remembered a story about a relative that died falling off a ladder. It was cool, because when I started this project the vertigo was much more intense, and though it returned today, I “caught it”, and the duration of the experience, as mind, was not as overwhelming.
So I will walk some more self forgiveness on this point, and tomorrow see what happens. I have to say, I am not sure what triggered this, but perhaps it will come up.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suddenly get nervous about being up on a ladder, and within this losing all sense of the physical space I am in.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have had the thought that I wished i had someone there to help me with this one corner of the house.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that it was at this moment of “wishing” that the vertigo suddenly appeared.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I also had the thought that I was close to the edge of the house, and the end of the deck and the ground below the deck i judged as being far away, despite the fact that I had taken careful steps to secure the ladder, and had even been up to this corner of the house before, and everything had been fine and secure, thus there was no call to worry about distances and then to go into self pity about “having to take care of this ‘ all by myself.”
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that at this point images came up of a story I had been told about a relative that had died from falling off a ladder.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have imagined myself falling off the ladder, where within this image I hear the sound of the head of this man I saw falling off a ladder as it thumped onto the ground with a cracking sound, thus the story and the sound of a cracking skull came up as i began to fear my own death through falling off of a ladder.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a memory of myself, just having gotten off the subway, as I travelled home from school, and began the two block walk home, to have come upon a man falling through the air and landing on his head on the cement sidewalk, where it all happened so fast, and that sound was so loud I gasped for air and was shocked that this man had somehow just fallen off this ladder.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have felt some guilt about this, believing this to be my fault, as i have another memory of a friend suddenly falling while i was walking along a sidewalk with her, holding her hand when she suddenly fell and hit her head on the sidewalk, and had to go and have stitches and her parents blamed me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have had this physical sinking feeling as I was moving into vertigo, much like the sinking feeling I had when I experienced the man falling off the ladder onto the sidewalk on my way home from school.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I had this same sinking feeling when my friend’s parents blamed me for their daughter having fallen on the sidewalk.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from myself into and as fear of falling off a ladder based on memories from my past in and as my mind, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I was on a ladder that I had carefully secured myself, and climbed up many times in the last days, and had no problems being up on the ladder, thus to suddenly have vertigo was a clear indication that I had gone into my mind, as I confused the situation with ideas, opinions and beliefs, in and asemotions , feelings and thoughts, instead of remaining physically present in common sense of what was real within that moment.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge the ground being far away as scary, especially since I have to legs and two arms, that are perfectly capable of climbing a ladder, and two eyes with which to see what I am doing.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I notice this pattern of clenching my inner thighs, as my legs together whenever I become tense.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I found myself doing this very same thing tonight driving home in my car, which is something I will have to look into.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have this reaction, in and as my mind, as a seemingly distant “back chat” where i begin to pity myself, as in wanting someone there to help, or assist, even when doing this ‘job” needs only myself, as I have had others help and found this unnecessary.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I become uncertain about what I am doing, I begin to wish for help, then go into self pity about not having help, and separate myself from what I am physically doing and lose my own practical physical, here, sense of space.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to tense up the moment i become uncertain, especially through my legs, where, within this, I become heavy in how i experience myself, and actually dealing with what I am doing physically becomes harder.

The moment I become uncertain, be it within what I am doing as in making a decision, or an evaluation within possibility based on the physical situation and within both go into fear, and thus separation, diminishing my common sense of reality, I stop and I breath and I bring myself back to physicality.
I commit myself to, when I have to make a decision, and become uncertain, to stop and to breath, and to go over what I have physically decided to walk in detail to stabilize myself here instead of allowing myself to separate into and as uncertainty where I sidestep into self judgement based on societal values of myself as a womanforgetting my self awareness equal and one to this actual physical world, which is to say, I remove myself from “here’ into and as belief, opinion and idea and the ensuing emotions composed of such thoughts as judgements done over a period of many years of training to believe such self definitions lacking a self honest development of myself in totality in common sense of what is real, this actual physical world.

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Day 77 Taking care alone, a labor of self pity

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to begin to have a thought that I am all alone when I have a project that involves labor around my home.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow myself to become a belief that I am the character of the woman alone when I have to do physical labor on my house, and within this I start to pity myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe, in and as a thought, that doing physical labor on my house without another person here is difficult, where I judge the practical walking through of what needs to be done as being difficult, where the task is not difficult, it is simply a series of steps that need to be organized and assembled.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a care actor of self pity, my self giving a care to what is believed to be “how things should be,” instead of being here, realizing this physical world, as this is what is real and not an imposed idea of limited elements being “needed” to  get things done..

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as a care actor, giving care to,  feeling that I am alone, when I am here with this physical world, taking care of my physical existence, which needs no additional energetic emotional characters but only common sense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that being alone and caring for my home must fit the image and likeness of the current system on earth, where I am missing all the characters considered to be the norm in relation to myself being a woman.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that it is this mind dictating how the character of myself here should, or should not be that is the drama in and as my mind.

I commit myself to realizing every moment I separate from here, into and as a thought based on a belief, externally dictated, internally allowed and accepted, internally believed,  evident within and as my thoughts,  that add a believed and accepted and allowed care, to what is actually physically present and here.

I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding the characters I need within myself to have an image and likeness of having more than what is actually here, not realizing that, in this drama, I am actually here and able to direct myself here as life, in oneness and equality.

I commit myself to exposing how my focus on the following of  my thoughts  is an accepted and allowed belief that I am in lack.

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Day 29: Family is home.

My family is here, mother’s day, mother and sister came, sons are home. All in one day. My self, I become so aware of trying to communicate and remain here with ease and I find my self  trying to bridge a gap away from creating more patterns of separation, to not react but to direct, through not reacting. Meanwhile, this sense of being depressed comes, where as heaviness comes that is my self not expressing my self, as though this is not allowed. So, it is just trying to not become this, to use common sense to be here with what is real and to realize that this is all I can do, is be here and not allow any emotions and feelings and thoughts of judgement that are past on perceptions of inferiority and superiority to be real, to not measure and compare, as this is only the mind in separation from my self as being an expression of life, to realizing that all that is here is my self in another life, and thus one and equal to me here. So I breath. Even though I may not know where to go in common sense, hanging onto a more than or less than belief is simply not an option. It is more of, “ not going there into judgement,”  as though this “tiger” must be tamed and realized.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that there is a personality of my self that is all that there is, and that this is what is real.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to take the conversation, the small talk about how and why things are, what they are, and how they move, from family members as something to combat, or feel inferior to, or take as a threat, or react to, or judge as a waste of time.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to want effects as reactions and responses from family members.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to feel I am in a state of simply not allowing any emotional reactions to come up as this is my self as my mind and thus my self existing in my past, based on memories that are self judgements of more than and less than, inferiority and superiority.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to at times speak to validate my self,  which is my self validating a personality as an idea based on my past.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that at the moment it is enough to simply not be a reaction,to not take things personally and to stand up from this habit of taking things personally.

I commit my self to not taking things personally.

I commit my self to breathing through any reactions and to stand here without allowing my self to react to what is said by others within my world at the moment.

I commit my self to remaining here in breath, to being gentle with my self and facing what I allow my self to exist as emotionally and to realize this is based on ideas of more than and less than, and thus not what is real, not what is directive as what is best for all, to clean up what has existed as relationships separate from the principle of what is best for all, here.

I commit my self to remaining calm and directed with my self, to bring everything back to self, and directing my self from the principle of oneness in equality, to what is best for all, as I remain and move in and as breath while my sons are here for the next few days.

I commit my self to not becoming sad about what has been accepted and allowed within the role of my self as a mother within a system of profit, of all the beliefs and ideas that has been the movement of my self within a role geared towards the support of survival, competition and thus comparison leading to fragmented personality development and not an awareness of what has been allowed on this earth and thus a lack of awareness of my self as life, and the self that is what is my sons as themselves as life, where this sadness is not a solution and must be forgiven as the only choice is to realize what has been accepted and allowed, to forgive, and to correct within the principle of what is best for all is best for self.

I commit my self to not allowing my self to seek a positive experience where i am validated within the choices I make, and to use such desires to reveal my own separations of believing something is lost, or can be lost, and to direct my self not as mind, but through breathing and remaining here, where just as I continue to breath life into and as my human physical body, so will I breath life into what is here, through remaining within breath before speaking, as the only response is as what is best for all.