Day 87 War King/Working/We R King

I  was reading today and I had a reaction to the word working. Much like a romantic relationship, my working relationship, as in my character, or my cast of characters, I become nasty. I attack and threaten, and blame and spite and judge and fear, and retaliate. I have schadenfreude, I  seek justice, I reminisce over believed injustices. I am a hissing, spiting, blaming, snaky snake. You name it, it goes through my mind. I become the king of war, I am a war king in and as my mind. The face I present is of congeniality, of kindness, of  wanting to be good, and wanting my good noticed. But in fact, in and as my mind I believe myself to be at war. I want to survive, and I fear not surviving, I fear being considered less than, I fear saying one word that will create loss of face, loss of position, loss of status, loss of respect. I am in constant battle, strategizing for the security of my position on the front.

It is a cry of righteousness.

I was talking with someone about sales. And they responded to me emotionally, as though I did not understand. I just stopped and listened. Even within my fear of being judged as incapable, I decided to listen, even through their emotions. Perhaps they had a point. At this moment, I realized that even their emotion within their explanation did not matter, and neither did mine. What mattered was listening. Just let it all go and listen. Somehow the battle did not matter, it was the soil under my feet, that which was real, and the storm of emotion trampling the ground did not need stimulus.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that my approach to working is similar, if not the same, in and as mind, as my self within a relationship with another person.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I can get so lost in judging and blaming and spiting, in and as the desire to survive that I can no longer see the forest through the trees.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be the character at war with this world, where I allow myself to spite and to blame, to justify and to want justice, to denigrate and call names, to not listen as I desire to press my perspective/point of view.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that my righteousness is myself in battle, where I am angry, frustrated and trying to counteract a fear of potential loss, or my position of a desire for gain.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  be a character of combat, a soldier fighting for my life within a system of inequality, where if I do not maintain my position, right here where I am, I might lose what I have gained, and thus I perceive myself  as stable because I am here and in one piece.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that  what I fear is the loss of myself, and that if I lose my job, I will not survive.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine ill will towards another, as to realize that most of the time, I am not spiting another, and it is only when I feel stressed and uncertain that I become this way.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that when working I fear I will make a mistake and end up losing my position, thus any emotion as a belief in a threat is an attack on where I am positioned and within this I am not looking here in common sense, but am lost in a mountain of fear, where there is only breath to walk me through so that I may continue to see the forest through the trees.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my fear of attack is not different than that of the attacker, as they are me and I am them, as we are all war kings within a system of inequality, that is the present profit based system on this earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I fear being hurt, that I fear that what I believe myself to be, as what I am will be rejected and thus will i hurt, as though myself not being accepted will become meaningless, just as if I were to lose a leg, or an arm, or my breast, or my nose, when all the while, it is the war within survival, a game of elimination, as the illumination of myself as ego and not myself as life here, the very substance that is what it is that I am, unable to be as ideas, and beliefs of what it is that I am, as an idea as what will enable me to survive within a system of profit is all that will be lost, where were I to just stop and listen, I would see realize and understand that it is this system of profit that has built my self into and as a SURE MAN tank competing and fighting, shooting blame and spite in order to survive within a system of inequality where only one can be king on the hill of a pyramid based system, a hierarchy, imposed on soil that gives unconditionally,  where in fact a war king can be the nature under the pyramid as what earth is as WE R KING as life when we , as all of earth is supported and cared for unconditionally as all as one as equal, where this war king is working for the death of itself as life as what it is is not worth living as the action of war is in separation from life here and the hurt is the longing for self as life to be and become self as life, one and equal where we r king as we are life, as all a one as equal.

I commit myself to stopping this war king in and as my mind, and to stand in and as breath, one and equal to breath, until my fear of loss is able to be faced and forgiven, and myself able to see, realize and understand that in a profit based system, keeping the majority in fear is a tactic of control, as a profit based system is a war, creating a survival  based system as our present existence.

I commit myself to no longer allowing this character wanting to survive, where my own survival is tantamount.

I commit myself to realizing that my spite, blame and justification of myself  is myself within a fear of loss.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to use my common sense, to realize that the present war king environment does not support the collective existence of earth, where we R King, as united within the principle of oneness in equality, we, as collectively are the king when we realize our equality with all life.

I commit myself to realizing that all thoughts, emotions and feelings are the illness of myself as the separation of myself into and as a war king  in separation from the unconditional image and likeness of oneness and equality as what is real as earth where in oneness and equality as the principle of what is best for all, as in loving my neighbor as myself  is what rains on earth is a life where we - as all that is here- R king as the core-of-us as life, here.

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The Soul of  Money

Love is only me

Day 73 The valley of the shadow of death. Emotions and feelings.

 Day 73 The valley of the shadow of death. Emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that emotions are “storms in a teacup” and thus, show me where I am throwing a tantrum and wanting something I believe will solve all the worlds problems when in fact I am existing in and as my mind within a singularity that if I were to get everything my emotional and feeling tantrums desired I would soon find that the gain was short lived and thus nothing of any real value.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to emotions and feelings, where if I were to really look at emotions and feelings I would see that when a person is lost within an emotion or feeling it tends to go on and on and on, and the person tends to stay within an emotion and feeling without resolution, and just as I do this as I spin something around in my mind endlessly, I end up nowhere, which is to say, now here, caught in the now of the emotion which is to say I end up nowhere.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stop and look at what emotions and feelings I am existing as, that are actually like being in a state of vertigo, and unless I pick myself up and direct myself I will be ineffective, and that every time I attempt to pick myself up from within an emotion I notice this feeling of fear and dread, like an ominous presence.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that on some level I am actually totally disgusted with myself for having allowed and accepted myself to become and be emotions and feelings and that I did this to get along, to join the group, to survive.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that there are behaviors in men that are unacceptable, and thus to label such behaviors without solution is meaningless, which the human seems to do, to label and then feel grand because a name has been given, when this is an action that does not move beyond a singularity.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that much of what goes on  in the human is giving everything a name and stopping at that, and were we to realize this, as perhaps this is what a false idol is, humanity might actually have learned to see consequence as having more revelation that the object.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that a movement as an action as what a human does that is inconsiderate of life is known as this, and thus there is no reason why there are people on this earth that are starving and being used as sex objects.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that emotions and feelings are my attachments to what I fear losing, and that what I fear losing is an illusion, as what life is is self direction as life, and the things around me that I believe I need to survive/sustain my physical, are all in fact given unconditionally by this earth, thus all the constructs of this world, that do not support this physical world are in fact a crime of life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that all emotions and feelings are a fear of myself directing myself as life , here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand  that the human gives conditionally, and not as self as life, because if the human gave unconditionally, then there would exist no fear of loss, that daughter and that son would be able to express without need for societal protections, without fear of abuse, without  fear of evil as Christ said, “ though I walk in the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil.”

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that it will take a majority, which is little more than half of the people who actually get up and vote, which is not that many in relations to the population, to walk together through the valley of the shadow of death fearing no evil - as this is what the emotions and feelings as storms in teacups actually are - to change this world system to one that supports life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that to change this world into one where every son and every daughter no longer has to walk on an earth that exists as the valley of the shadow of death, is the implementation of an equal money system, to walk of the process to bring heaven to earth. so that life can begin.

Thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as emotions and feelings in separation from myself as life, as allowing and accepting myself as life is to be the principle of oneness in equality, as giving as you would life to receive, where the shadows are but storms in teacups.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that emotions and feelings are self in separation from life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that what is here, this physical world is what is real.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that catering to the emotions and feelings of others, without direction, as they are me and I am them, is to continue the existence of earth as the valley of the shadow of death, which is what much of earth presently exists as.

I commit myself to practicing being directive and forgiving myself to life, to being here, in and as breath.

I commit myself to, when I face an energetic emotion or feeling and any thought that comes up, to forgive myself to life, to the directive of what is best for all, to face the shadows as they are but shadows of life and not myself as life within and as the directive principle of what is best for all, which is my self as life, one and equal.

I commit myself to realizing that there is nothing to lose,  there is not right or wrong, there is only what is best for all, and any excuse is an emotion and or a feeling in separation from life in and as a belief that something can be lost, where the shadows of this earth, as emotions and feelings, are the product of the fires of self separation from life; as within so without - thus is the abuse of this physical world the screams of hell as this physical world burns, consumed through the following by the human of the illusory projections of an invisible god and an invisible hand.

7 Year Journey to Life

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Day 53 Rejection and expectation are Image Nation

Day 53 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that I have been rejected by friends, by people that I have known throughout my life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  feel that I have too much to do.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  feel bitter within the very muscles of my face, the raw red devil of my self behind the mask of a human face, to believe that no one listens to me, to not realize that the present system of profit, accepted and allowed by the human, as it is what is within each of us, as fear defended as ego in fear of loss, that the very being of ourselves as this is so entrenched that each of us can no longer hear, can no longer see that all perceived hurts and losses are the “what is due” allowance of non self direction as life, of clinging to directives from without, of believing something of ourselves can be lost, of expecting something without to take care of us, when it is only ourselves as life that is the care built right in, a perfect instrument of life, rejected, thus all rejection is self rejection, where the solution is to self realize self as life and forgive the accepted and allowed resonances of blame, spite, justification, excuse,  and to clean this up within to begin the walk of cleaning up this system on earth that does not care for, hear, see, sense, what this earth is, as what this earth gives, the gift of life, as this is the value.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to save the world, without realizing that until all ability to stand through a constriction of dis-ease within my self is steady and constant, where I carry no blame, no shame, no excuse, no justification, no spite to and towards anything of this world as this world is me, the same.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel it is impossible to reach people, as I feel it is impossible to reach myself, all an illusion, as what this means is that I am stagnant within blame, spite, excuse, shame, humiliation, self judgement, and within this I hear only this cry as the mind that has embedded itself into my physical so long was my cry of self pity, that I can no longer hear my self as life to the point where I am separate from myself as a turning from myself the embrace of myself as what I am, dis-allowing this self embrace as life, here, constant, steady, where self embrace is.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame people as system for not hearing myself here, when it is me that is not hearing what is here, it is myself not hearing, as I am moving as ego, as energy wanting to win something.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that all the people who turned from me were turning towards what they believed would be of support to them within a system where money determines existence instead of the value as what is here being life, and within this life is not granted expression and development but the following of what is offered within presented lack to create fear where all are indentured to subservience to systems of limited design, drugs that do not cure, to animals in confinement and suffering, to education systems that place children in a chair for hours taking in information without any practical inclusive use of their gift as a human physical body, to sense, to see, to experience physically this world, where the very soils of this earth lose what allows the soil to breath - clean water, microorganisms, decaying plant matter, air, all working in tandem to support life, where the outflow of this is a sound on this earth in constant broadcast which must be heard and faced and realized as needing to change to end the grind of useless inactive life expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  blame others for wanting to survive.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  place blame onto myself and any other, when all there is , is to remain here in breath as myself , to walk the clean up of this earth, which means the clean up of my self of resonances of blame, spite, excuse,  accusation, insecurity, superiority, more than, less than, dreaming, imagining, all a reality separate from what is physically here as the gift as a tool of expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I have ever been hurt by another, that I have ever been rejected by another, that I needed to add on a persona presentation to fit into the group separate from common sense of what is practical in this physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to defend in the face of opposition instead of standing in common sense whether heard or not heard, where if spite and accusation is response than it is simply that common sense is effective and the mind resists, as it is not the label of gain sought but the constant as common sense as what is best for all that is passed on, until it is done, as what is best for all will not manifest until it is passed on, thus what is best for all is all that is to be voiced, as I as life cannot be life until what is best for all is manifest on this earth, thus does the orchestration of what is best for all begin, the voice in the darkness of that which is best for all as this is here, as this is what the human wants, as the life that is here must itself create, and thus is the voice, yet weak and small, beginning to speak as life, where this voice will only manifest through speaking and living this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize, every time I doubt, that this doubt is the cause of what is on this earth, that this doubt is separation from life, as this doubt will generate fear as it is in opposition to life, just as when I face opposition and doubt, where I fear separation from what is before me, not looking at what is before me and in common sense using the principle of what is best for all, where the conflict is in itself in separation from agreement and action as what is best for all, and it must be known that there are no choices but what is best for all.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see realize and understand that should I look, I will find a hole within my heart, a hole self created and accepted and allowed as I have become stagnant within my self in abdication of life, where this hole lies the whole of life, when this hole is the path to the whole, the being of myself as one and equal to life, this embrace of giving, this heart I am lead to believe is fixed/cured with chemicals within a system of profit that needs followers to allow leaders as profiteers who themselves are not life, as they are as tied to me as I am to them as I accept and allow a system ignorant of the giving abundance of earth, the physical,  a cure that has not in fact been found as the form allowed and accepted on earth is tantamount as the present destruction of earth reveals, as disease can only be cured by self thus must laws be passed to force the opposite as though words are abused/used to guard falsity when such structures need not exist as the earth is here giving freely without signature, as signature is a creation of man in separation, having lost a sense of the whole, and thus attempting to fill in the lost hole of self with structures that have no substance and must be printed endlessly to survive.

I commit myself to breath, to breathing to pushing through resistances.

I commit myself to slowing down my breath and giving response only within a steady calm breath.

I commit myself to  realizing that all anger is based on a belief as an expectation of a persona based on accepted societal values and structures that are inadequate in allowing self direction and thus self discovery of this physical world and the expression of self as life, within this the letting go of the anger as persona management is a habitual justification accepted and allowed as what is real, yet absent in awareness of this earth and self as a directive as life.

I commit myself to remaining within breath in the face of expectations that are themselves in separation from life,

I commit myself to breathing through anxiety, as anxiety is based on expectation within habitual personnel developed in separation from life as a starting point.

I commit myself to walking as self as life, as realizing this physical world as what is real and one and equal to myself here, where there need be no anger as the physical is the embrace of life.

I commit myself to speak up about the atrocity of the abuse of earth existent as the present money system of profit where money accumulation is valued more than life, and within this, denies the equality and oneness of men - and all subject to men’s imposition - to this physical world of substance, that which in fact is the expression of life, here.

I commit myself to realize expectation is a mind dream, and thus a separation from what is physically here.

I commit myself to realize that, as a child, many expectations were driven into myself, leading to a separation from the physical world and a search to fulfil and complement imposed expectations

 instead of developing self direction, equality, expression in and as the physical world.

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