as- KING Day 783

In working with children, I realize how much that absorbent ability, as the child, does not have boundaries. Meaning that absorbent ability takes in what is around it, and becomes it. There is no separation. Yet, this is and what would be the very nature of our natural absorbent ability! We learn to define the qualities we absorb over time and define ourselves as that, when that is really a process of clarifying what we are seeing and what we are being, as a expression in a relationship. I say relationship because I am here, on a physical planet, moving in a relationship with all that is here, composing an expression as the whole as the physical as this earth, as creation. 

I can get caught up in my review of the reflection of what I have taken in as a value within the process of defining who and what I am as a physical form on a physical planet. I can forget what iI am and take the resonant ‘ copy’ as what I absorbed as a form, and make that larger than life. Then I become a con-sciouness of separation.  Amazing how our schools are this manifest, showing ourselves to ourselves as how we are allowing informing as separation from the practical reality. And we do this with words, mis-using sound, to create more and accumulating consciousness’s of separation. An instored/in-spired/in- layered/in-storied set body of information. Can we ask ourselves why we can’t remember what we did last year? If we are following a resonant construct of limited - information,  as a set body of information, how can we be present realizing the reality around us, in ways that do not cause conflict with the physical reality? Our actions do not fit into that reality, the one we absorbed that created a picture that then, through allowance, became larger than life!  

This begs the question, as as-KING, as self reflection with regard for what and who we are as physical beings on a physical PLAN-it,  where there is a at-most-fear,  why such a thing as shaking within ourselves exists? Is it possible that the sha- KING is countering a set body of resonant information? One moves against acceptances and allowances, as a resonant construction, when one QUEST- ions with as-KING ? Meaning, when one reviews one’s reality outside of that set body of resonant belief, as limited information, where one no longer is using that natural absorbent ability that can have no boundaries, as the process of understanding this reality, that is a natural action and is how we expand and realize who and what we are here? 

Within me, I can, in this moment, sense a righteousness. Meaning, my manner of wondering why we cannot see this, is in itself colored as being righteous. As always a truth is present, yet when made larger that life, it can lead to righteousness. Which is doing the same as what I speak of, making something larger than the practical. 

I can realize how stagnant I am from my own acceptance and separation from processing what is here, from reading what is here. In so many ways, it really is to get my processing speeds moving, meaning to realize what I am allowing as what I have absorbed without principle, and at the same time, reconnecting to having a real relationship with the physical reality around me. It is to become a master of who and what I am, to ground myself in this reality, a physical reality here.

That righteousness is a form of wanting to fix things, as rebalance things. It is wanting to have things move suddenly, which is an expectation. Then, that expectation is not lived out, and a reassessment takes place, which is a process. Yet, being present in this reality, within the realization of the principle of life, as being as doing no harm, is not yet lived with that natural absorbent ability in every moment, as this is the only real choice. In this, there is realizing in every moment, wth every breath, that there are no problems and only solutions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not recognize moving into righteousness, as the colors, as the hyperbolized value judgements, rushing within me,  as an accepted and allowed practice of and as a false morality, that when and as I move against my own acceptances and allowances, I begin to shake, revealing my acceptances and allowances to myself, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move as an idea, as an expectation , instead of slowing down and breathing, cross referencing here, assessing here, investigating here, to listen to here, to as-KING here, to ensure a stable and steady balance, within regarding and respecting all things, as who and what I am here, as life, that is physical in manifestation as creation, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow down and realize, see, and understand every movement within and as me, as a intellectual set body of information, believed to make me superior, as a more, within a survival game, not realizing how I work as life, and rushing to win, to conquer, when I am here, inherently able to absorb the form and movement as expression of what is here as the physical, to become aware of, as myself, to define me, within relationships of all that is here,  and the balance of and as what does no harm, taking that which is good, leading to a living breathing, changing, expression of life in FORMation here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move, to self direct as a set body of information, from and as a consciousness of separation instead of  moving from the heart of me, as life. 

When and as I find myself moving into conflict as resistance,/rejection/reaction, I stop and I breath, and I embrace with as-KING  to ground myself here, to assess and investigate, to balance and realize  the practical in the moment, the simple ordinary, the hum --bell expression within realizing a principle of recognizing and respecting living reality as the expression of life, composed of relationships of and as working/breathing/living in harmonious balance, that moves with ease, as there is no rush, there is here, where the value is being life. 

The distraction of the #obstructionist Day 779

Usually, in the morning I wake up and something comes forward within me. This morning, subsequent to talking to someone the day before about learning, what came up is how what we inform ourselves, as what we allow to be placed within ourselves and comes to automate the body. Much like a vaccine is supposed to automatically protect us from a potential pathogen. 

We supposed a future event, and we supposed how something works, and we rush to prevent that event, or look for another way to inform us. Schools as they are now formed, are meant to prepare us for the ‘ real’ world ( of adults).  We go to memorize a form, as a scaffold, of information to ‘ ready’ us for the ‘ real world.’ How can integrating a set body of information, without real experience, lend real knowing? 

Juxtapose this to ‘ forms’ that have come to me in conversations as “ I can’t meditate,” or “ I tried to learn a musical instrument, but I just could not get it.”  Both of these responses show a lack of real self discipline, or, a loss of an ability to FOCUS. How is what is natural come to be believed as something impossible? 

What is it that distracts one from focusing? What is it that distracts one from what we do every day, as focus on something? Why is it that we cannot focus on something that is right here, right in front of us? Could it have to do with forcing something into us, as information without real living practical application? 

We understand that when we practice something, it begins to move with more ease, as automate, meaning, we do not have to “think” about it as much, meaning we do not have to focus on the movement as much because our ability in focusing on it, allows it to be so well known that we can move through it much faster. Our ability to process the form increases in tandem with our ability to place our presence within something. This would mean that we direct what we focus on, and that what we focus on integrates and expedites with recognition within and as our ability to move through it. 

This begs the question as to what we are informing our children as, as memorizing information in a box, in a school? Considering the compounding out of synch behaviors in so many children, can we not realize that a lack of real focus ability is and can only be a consequence of misinforming ourselves? Have you ever really slowed down to LOOK at an autistic child.

Would someone who was mis-informed, become increasingly frustrated to the degree that their lack of effective in - formation causes a reaction of violence/ resistance/ lack of ease, as what frustration is, because what has become to be automated does not allow real self direction in reality? And would a child by the time they are in their late twenties realize that a quarter of their life has passed - because they do have awareness - and that they have no real self control because the information they absorbed is not effective in tandem with their physical dysfunction that in itself is a mis-use of self as life as a starting point absorbed by body in reflecting this same state from one’s environment, that they become so angry, so frustrated there is nothing else but to express complete and udder con- fusion of their lack, because they are a CON- fusion of information that is not lending effective focus and self directive capacity leading to a real effective self creation?  If one really LOOKS is this not what one would see, or realize on some level? We are the most effective machines that can sense this, which reveals great capacity. By and as our real natures, we do want to sort this out, just as, as children, we move to sort, to understand, to absorb and frame, to desire to participate. These drives are natural. We know them. We can forgive what hinders this real nature. 

As well, why are we not using the function of the physical body, as that very thing informed, the way the body was meant to be, as processing viruses and bacteria through the lens of itself, as the layers of the body that “ read” and process what is physically here? Why are we forcing such, directly into the body, like a short cut, without realizing and respecting the functioning of the “ real world” as the physical world that we are supposedly “ preparing” out bodies for? 

Supposedly, the system makes of each a commodity, based on potential growth and “ creation” as a being on earth, via trading one’s projected potential and worth as a sum of money, as being one’s “ account” from which one borrows. Overall, this means that a financial system does the same, a future projection, as an entity, as a structure, assuming the life of one, for gain, of which one has no control, as one borrows on potential and pays back more than what one borrowed, causing a game of musical chairs where inevitably one does not find a seat as one has no control over one’s potential having abdicated it to some authority as a belief that one is not enough, yet that ‘ not enough’ is the false morality accepted and allowed, only seen through a rejection of reality, as the physical and real landscape called life in what it must be, which is creation, as what the physical world is. 

All of the above are scaffolds as forms, working to suppress and control each and every one. This can only have the authority we give it. If comes back to each not realizing effective use of what self as within and as how the physical world works and is the means to learn to express the life that is one. If one cannot master one’s focus, and one’s body is trying to move backwards in a way, against it own natural ability to process, and one is in a construct where the monetary digits of one’s “ creative worth’ are all forms of con-fusing who and what one is, and one does not realize this, as one is so distracted from a lack of real and equal structural awareness to the physical as mis-informed theory ONLY without practical application, where is the beingness of ourselves going to end up?  What is cognitive dissonance? 

Human beings are happy when they really know something. There is a calm sense of expression, and within that, a more clear way forward to the next step. When we really know something, we are no longer thinking, as nothing was ever done through thinking about it, it is, when effective, done with really KNOWING something, that ability to be the master of one’s self, and place one’s presence in something within an effective self direction of one’s presence into the real and living thing as the physical form. 

Thus, when we tell ourselves that “ we cannot do something,” as understand and KNOW something, within effective self direction, we are revealing ourselves to ourselves, as having lost an ability to focus effectively.  And, since we inform as automate what we practice, the lack of focus would mean that there are resonant forms within us, we follow, that are distracting us from real and effective and natural focus on reality. 

Within all of this, what would the proverbial “ eye of the needle’ really mean?  What would it mean when someone says “ we should be able to hear the grass grow” ? It would mean that who and what we really are, is the capacity to KNOW, to really sense, to really see what is that “ reality’ we are supposedly prepared for as adults! 

Therefor, hope without action is meaningless, faith without command is pointless, and knowledge and information without the experience of practical application is useless. Each without living awareness in practical application, is the outcome of a mis-informed set body of information, and a informed inner resonant scaffold that is mis-using the presence that is the means of focusing on the small, the large, and the relationships between physical things as expressions as life that are who and what we are, that are all of the same substance, that are all here in plain sight. 

The way to real happiness, is to focus on the physical, to the degree that one would understand that one could with steady and consistent practice, build a stable ability to place one’s presence into the form and function of that instrument, to effectively build the ability to be in union with that instrument, just as one did with one’s body before all the information of and as the dogma of religion and politics were absorbed as the limited forms of belief, from an environment where the human beings were already a construct of mis-information! ( which reveals to us the great sensibility that is inherent our capacity! ) 

We have to ask ourselves what we see when we have someone standing in front of us that we realize has a huge emotional firewall around them. We have to ask ourselves why there exists any form of conflict within all of this? As the resistance to becoming one with an instrument is a reflection of one’s natural ability not being in effective movement and focus. And, this means that one has lost control of one’s natural ability to be and do so. It means that one is not focused HERE. It means that what one ‘ thinks’ one knows, is distracting one from real presence in reality.  One’s within, is not equal to the without. One’s resonant information, is followed ABOVE what is real, as that instrument, as the grass growing. When one finds one’s self shaking, as a reaction to something - perhaps another form of resonant information- it means that one is reacting in the same expression as flight and fight mode within not realizing that one’s resonant information is being questioned or believed to be in threat where one is stuck in one’s resonant idol of information. That reaction, as resistance, is but a smaller form of that autistic child who has by the time they are in their late twenties, the same form of violence as frustration in not being able to move effectively in this “ reality” that we are supposed to be “ prepared for” within our present educational system. 

It is a math of inequality. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself  to abdicate my own and natural self responsibility as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand this life, this reality, this physical expression of life, here, in plain sight.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to do the real math of and as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I react, as shake within and as my body, I am revealing myself to myself, within and as not being in synch with who and what  I am as a physical being, as realizing all things in expression are relationships of and as values, composing life, as all that is, that is here, and would by design be physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand within and as me, as resistance to here, being a separation of and as limited values, as a picture, as sound components as words, allowed and accepted by me,in myself not realizing that all is me, here, of and as the same substance of and as what becomes expression in formation, here, as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and stand equal and one to and with what is here all around me, as a living relationship in and of and as expressing life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and stand with to correct what friction and conflict I allow within me, that has a nature of a subtle to greater movement of shaking, as behaviors of wanting to run away, or wanting to push against, or wanting to deny, or wanting to gain something, based on my own inner ideological idol of information , resonant and separate, moving more slowly, though appearing to move fast, as the story of information I accepted in separation from being in practical application with what is real and what is all around me, is a limited story line that I can move through as a construct with seeming speed, just as I am able once I really know an instrument, for example, as I gain mastery I can move with more ease within that form, so does my imagination of limited information as a construct of values of and as limited relationships charged with values and of and as a state of not really knowing something, and thus causing and living a dis-ease manifest in the very movements of and as my body, of which is now in extreme behaviors of separation existent in increasing degrees as the children with autism, that reflect lesser extremes of the same behaviors, in the world around me, and thus I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand my own separation from being present and equal to here, that which I am able to be, as the capacity towards separation can also be the capacity towards equality and oneness with what is real, as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that when and as I find myself complaining, I am not being present and in relation to what is real as the physical world here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that movements within and as me as muscle tensions are myself living the information I accepted and allowed to define me, that does not automate my presence, into being at ease and in communication with and as what is here, that is the same as me, as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and stand with, inequality and oneness, what is here, and resisting this within and as ignoring what is right in front of me, here, as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that  within and as my separation I am quite literally watching a shadow world in and as my mind, where the knowledge and information I accepted and allowed is within my physical body, in the very muscles as these muscles are what tense up, as restrict as the information I accepted and allowed as me, does not fit, is not equal to, what is real, as the physical, and when and as I focus on this limited resonant construct I lose all real focus on this reality, and move to force my resonant belief system onto this reality, to survive, in self interest, and in some place within myself, I realize what it is that I am doing, and the real shame within and as me, is this realization that I see, realize and understand what it is that I am allowing, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all my resistance in and as my behaviors of in effect self hate, as they are myself in resistance to life as the physical as the practical here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that, for example, when I do not recognize a person I have known more from a distance, and upon meeting them up close without recognition, I am revealing myself to myself as living within set planes of time, as value judgements indicating a separation from being in awareness as being present, in this physical and practical reality here, as this is life, as this is creation here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to trust myself, within and as realizing to some extent what I was seeing within my autistic nephew, before Desteni, where I asked the question through describing what I was seeing within him, that he looked like he was completely out of synch in some way, like a mix up of all the anxieties within my family, thus, I can see, realize and understand what is here as the separation from who and what we really are as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I resist something, within and as seeing here, sensing something is out of tune, to stop and NOT ONLY define, and realize separation within and as my secret self, but to bring this forward and speak up, to speak out, beyond reactions as all reactions are the process of sorting things out, and are but a slow processing as a dimension of a sequence of belief, as a timed event, in a world of and as no time, as the physical as being present, and to see realize and understand by degree as the small ignored as the practical, to bring things back down into focus here, to rebuild presence in equality and oneness with and as what is real here, as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my nephew, in his teens when visiting walks around in his own world, having conversations with himself, as so many of us do, within and as not being present here, within and as not realizing that nothing was ever solved within thinking, but in practical application here, in respect of what is real as this ‘ reality’ we are ostensibly taught to function within and as as the ‘ good’ promoted by the present school design, which is a format that though touting a good, is acting in building a separation from this reality, and the means to cause separation as manipulation of information which if accepted is the responsibility of and as being in self abdication of and as self as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abdicate myself as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to investigate all forms as all actions from an authority as a system of men, that is a consequence of myself not being in self responsibility of and as who and what I am as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that consequence of my own lack of real presence in this reality, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to be present here, in this reality.

When and as I find myself resisting, within and as being tense, as opposed to being in focus, where I know and feel more stable, as a state we all know, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down and I realize a living relationship as who and what I am to this reality here, as the physical.

When and as I find myself believing that being here means a loss of something, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, equal and one to who and what I am, as a living relationship, as relating to what is here, in practical applicative terms to practice rebuilding the substance in and as who and what I am as life, to see directly here, to create equality and oneness in presence of this reality here.

When and as I find myself moving into anxiety, I stop and I breath and I assess and investigate the emotional pulls as the polarities within and as me as beliefs, opinions and ideas, and I forgive what is a hyper inflated value judgement to ground myself here, equal and one within and as breath, to here, to creation that is life in formation.

When and as I find myself acting in self interest, as not considering all things I stop and I breath and I ground myself here, in the physical to respect life.

When and as I find myself moving into self pity, I slow down, I stop and I breath, and I assess myself as the focus of what I am allowing within and as projections, resistances and self imaginations to realize consequential protections and defenses as reactions of and as fear, moving into judgement, as disempowerment, as hate, a actions of blame and spite towards others and against self, into my own constructed sense of and as feeling overwhelmed and a belief in the impossible when I am possible as the ability to transform and change in a moment to not act  in self interest, as an act of separation from this living reality that is physical, to instead realize practical applications in thought word and deed in accord with this reality as creation as the physical here.

When and as I find myself reacting within and as believing something to be impossible, I stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand how my own separations are a busyness in a narrow value judgement, as words moving nowhere, to see, realize and understand that patterns of value judgements of and as protection and defense, as a shadow world of a personification of limited values, here, I stop and I breath, and I realize the pulling of the strings of value judgements as a means of manipulation with few words, probably at a sixth grade level - so to speak- as separation is composed of limitation, thus to speak to the limited construct and lend real structure to and towards bringing hyperinflation as ideas, beliefs and opinions, back down to earth, as this is the ‘ zone of proximal development “ of and as separation from self as life, here, thus to speak to that, which means to manipulate, and yet in the order of what is best for all, here, to begin to journey to reverse life, into equality and oneness here. 

Day 627 The Fabric of My Persona

The Fabric of My Persona

I had an experience yesterday where I was alone with a human being playing a role in our society.  As I stood there talking with him, I could see some fears coming up in relation to my role towards his role. That uncertainty , like a fly buzzing around behind my head. I slowed down and went into the basics; I had been asked what I did.  The basics; myself in another life stood before me.

I notice often how we breath, our breath never really at ease. For me, this is an indication to slow way down, within and without. Slowing down the words and getting real simple. Often the words I speak, becoming metaphor, an indirect way. Given the limited time, it is to just stick to this, as it is not offensive or confronting. Yet, it can give a structure easy to hold, planting a seed.

In all of this, on reflection later, I realize as I looked at myself slowing down, how much effort within myself is used to maintain a persona. The rushing it involves. The act of slowing down, and moving into the basics, allows a respect of the persona, and a non-threatening calm. This that is used to separate, can be used to ground. Is this taking that which is good and does no harm?

Is this slowing down a ‘ novel’ experience, because of having spent so much effort and time using my awareness to build and  maintain a persona to survive?  That personification building and maintaining exhausting. This seemingly ‘ novel’ experience an ease that was always there and was more normal, so a double edged surprise? By this I mean, this is a discovery, so it is something new, and yet, it is what is normal. So, within the new, is the realization that the persona was one caught in a drama that had no reality, it was a storm in separation from what was natural, which was being equal to the practice of living in a physical reality.

Overall, this is not having had enough information about what we are here, in total. A loss of a sense of reality. In effect we are not grounded here, and it is being grounded here, that is that which brings ease. The dis-ease is being caught in the projection only. Thus, the compounded problems around us, are the effects of the effort to build a persona to survive without considering the practical application of living a physical life.  

Day 493 One seemingly little thought. Looking up to father.

What is one seemingly little thought?

In looking at what comes up within points of pain within my physical body, I came to a memory of myself looking up to my father.

The value within the memory, and as a entity as a personification that I hold, is of my father being a source of stability from the eyes of myself as a young child. In all there is no good or bad about this, but it is an association that when made as a singular thought without the development within understanding a common sense of physical form and function, as practical reality,  creates a more than as a value that I project outside of myself.

So, that one thought, the one little thing, there behind other memories, was like a small seed that grew and grew, inflamed by myself because I accepted and allowed it, and followed this same inflammation of value within peers and media until it grew into a value to follow at the exclusion of common sense development.

This appears to me at the moment as such an insidious development, because the initial thought is so small, and yet grows so big over a period of time to become an energetic storm because an awareness of a physical context is not realized as the real sustaining value - which ultimately only self can be responsible for, even with a systemic design that aids and abets this value system that is in separation from common sense, as this allows the smoke and mirrors show of inequality and separation from life which is what inequality as our monetary system is and does, the outward manifestation of the separation from a common sense and thus, respect for our physical life, our planet, the very life of each of us, this that we enjoy more than any other, this that is a vehicle to be forgiving of ourselves as life. This is the single most enjoyable thing to be. It is what the trees do, the soils, the air, the water.

So, within this thought, as this memory, there was my father, to whom, as a child, I placed stability, capability, comfort, awe. And, yes, the capacity from my child’s eyes is cool, but it is the being of this, even if it is an idea projected onto another, that is something existent here, which means seeing that “ stance” as being self stable, capable, directive here. Instead of objectifying this, to realize that the awe of this is to be life as this, to stand here, stable, capable, directive as a physical being. Instead, we are taught to admire the father/man/object instead of the expression, and within this the physical form expressing here as being the value in total.

I had to move through all the drama built from this beginning thought, down to this one moment - and there may be more! One little thought, seemingly hard to catch because it is so small. Physically, that one little thought build a weight that can move up and down within, somehow settling in my heart, and here, in anxiety I begin to feel as though I cannot breath. It is myself that accepted this, it is myself that follows a belief instead of common sense, it is myself that causes the accumulated pain of my own separation, I build my own burdens, instead of remaining here, equal and one , in and as breath, being life, which means being forgiving, as self, realizing that value is life. Which means, open transparent communication with all men, plants, animals, everything, which means looking here and using common sense as what does no harm and supports all life absolutely. The elite need to realize this, as this is the only solution. That comfortable lifestyle can be experienced no matter where one goes if the total fabric of the physical world be respected and cared for, which means unequal distribution of resources must come to an end, and all labor respected and taught understanding with the value being life, and the common sense ability that is the nature of self as the life within to be equal in understanding the physical world.

Within this, I can see where this happens in so many ways: a boy towards a mother, sister, aunt etc. etc.. Or,  girl with any adult that becomes the dominant caretaker in one’s early life, which we can see in how people tend to need a certain figure in their lives or they feel something is missing. For my husband, he always like the company of men, like he was looking for that male companion, where he was comfortable with certain communication and support from a male. and I understand he had been very close to his father. There is nothing “ wrong” with this, it is a good in itself, but it is limiting, because the environment is limited, because an object becomes a venue, instead of the use of common sense and a realization that the need has nothing to do with the object and everything to do with self being directive within self as the thing sought after. The lack is a belief, and a projection of that value onto another instead of standing equal and one to the value and then using self to sense practical measurable physical reality to direct.

We can say that intellectually, many of us understand this, but we do not realize how much our emotional reactions are in fact based on such thoughts. These thoughts impulsed into us over and over again for generations not only by family, but what is generated by media, and the years of peers doing the same, and this accumulation happening all around us incessantly. This  limited scenario is also what we fall back on when we fear our survival, because when that fear of financial security comes in, we fall back on the protection and defense mechanisms as what we were taught as a unit of measure, and this is the value system that began with those little thoughts that so many have spent so many years trying to correct, only to use them again when under extreme survival duress, and/or fear of losing one’s social group in fear of being alone without any interaction with other men, or fear of being considered to not be a nice person, because one is not responding in socially accepted compassion for what we have all allowed. This just, in the end perpetuates the problem, this initial mis-understanding with common sense. We know that we move against common sense, and yet when someone does stand as this, it demands that we look at our actions, and it has become socially accepted that our limitations need sympathy and time to correct, so we give into them, which continues the separation. And money also allows this continued limitation, So, in the end it is all of us doing this.

Yet, this is obviously unsustainable. It ignores, in favor of a feeling or belief one has within, the actual real physical world without. So, in choosing one’s emotion within over the real world without, animals, plants, children, earth suffers. So, what is more important, that feeling, that emotion, or life? The consideration of other’s basic needs to live in dignity or that emotion based on a thought that projected a polarized comparative value separating into an inwardly occupying divisive insight onto something outside of self, as a more than with self as a less than from a starting point of being a tiny vulnerable human baby, that in reality is a value that can stand as that projection as what self is as life, here?

Within this, if someone suggests that self cannot stand in common sense, and understand here, that this is perhaps being arrogant, and ends the conversation at this point, it means here to slow down, to communicate, to walk what is directive within self honesty as common sense, to realize that that which was projected onto the “ father” as the figure is the capacity of self as life.

So, my objectifications of values into projections must be taken back into myself, and stood equal and one to and focused as a directive that realizes that the physical world is real, and as such something to be respected as life, which means that I must give as I would like to receive, as what is here is me, equal and one. 

Within this I sense a resistance as though this is arrogance. How odd. And then this fear that being this will mean that I will become alone and that the changes within standing as this, will mean a loss, but the alternative as limitation is not a choice. And that people who are reactive are in essence bullying their limitations of which one must speak up about, even if the bullying continues - and lack of communication is a form of bullying! 

I mean, just look at the rhythm of our media, it exists as “ short attention span” sound bites of information. The very rhythm and meter of it is limited. Is this what we want? How many of us realize that humans are not the measure of their capacity to sense more consequence? And are we, even at our best, in full potential? No.

This is what became of me as I polarized myself into projecting values onto things outside of me, and denied myself equality to and as life, here, and instead became limited values within and as energy as beliefs, opinions and ideas as limitations to define me. This is where the memory of the thought, that one little thought accumulated and build a concrete ideological memory that began to direct me around seven years of age, and created myself as a mind consciousness system in separation from life, from my own gift of and as life, this ability to be here.

It is time to clean all of this up. There is no one to blame, they are all dead anyway. lol. And, self justification only perpetuates the cycle. So, the only choice is to get ourselves in the order of the gift of life, our sensibility as our common sense, equal and one to and as the physical world here.

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• Day 490 Our soldiers that are the living dead. They are us, we are them.

Day 53 Rejection and expectation are Image Nation

Day 53 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that I have been rejected by friends, by people that I have known throughout my life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  feel that I have too much to do.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  feel bitter within the very muscles of my face, the raw red devil of my self behind the mask of a human face, to believe that no one listens to me, to not realize that the present system of profit, accepted and allowed by the human, as it is what is within each of us, as fear defended as ego in fear of loss, that the very being of ourselves as this is so entrenched that each of us can no longer hear, can no longer see that all perceived hurts and losses are the “what is due” allowance of non self direction as life, of clinging to directives from without, of believing something of ourselves can be lost, of expecting something without to take care of us, when it is only ourselves as life that is the care built right in, a perfect instrument of life, rejected, thus all rejection is self rejection, where the solution is to self realize self as life and forgive the accepted and allowed resonances of blame, spite, justification, excuse,  and to clean this up within to begin the walk of cleaning up this system on earth that does not care for, hear, see, sense, what this earth is, as what this earth gives, the gift of life, as this is the value.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to save the world, without realizing that until all ability to stand through a constriction of dis-ease within my self is steady and constant, where I carry no blame, no shame, no excuse, no justification, no spite to and towards anything of this world as this world is me, the same.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel it is impossible to reach people, as I feel it is impossible to reach myself, all an illusion, as what this means is that I am stagnant within blame, spite, excuse, shame, humiliation, self judgement, and within this I hear only this cry as the mind that has embedded itself into my physical so long was my cry of self pity, that I can no longer hear my self as life to the point where I am separate from myself as a turning from myself the embrace of myself as what I am, dis-allowing this self embrace as life, here, constant, steady, where self embrace is.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame people as system for not hearing myself here, when it is me that is not hearing what is here, it is myself not hearing, as I am moving as ego, as energy wanting to win something.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that all the people who turned from me were turning towards what they believed would be of support to them within a system where money determines existence instead of the value as what is here being life, and within this life is not granted expression and development but the following of what is offered within presented lack to create fear where all are indentured to subservience to systems of limited design, drugs that do not cure, to animals in confinement and suffering, to education systems that place children in a chair for hours taking in information without any practical inclusive use of their gift as a human physical body, to sense, to see, to experience physically this world, where the very soils of this earth lose what allows the soil to breath - clean water, microorganisms, decaying plant matter, air, all working in tandem to support life, where the outflow of this is a sound on this earth in constant broadcast which must be heard and faced and realized as needing to change to end the grind of useless inactive life expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  blame others for wanting to survive.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  place blame onto myself and any other, when all there is , is to remain here in breath as myself , to walk the clean up of this earth, which means the clean up of my self of resonances of blame, spite, excuse,  accusation, insecurity, superiority, more than, less than, dreaming, imagining, all a reality separate from what is physically here as the gift as a tool of expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I have ever been hurt by another, that I have ever been rejected by another, that I needed to add on a persona presentation to fit into the group separate from common sense of what is practical in this physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to defend in the face of opposition instead of standing in common sense whether heard or not heard, where if spite and accusation is response than it is simply that common sense is effective and the mind resists, as it is not the label of gain sought but the constant as common sense as what is best for all that is passed on, until it is done, as what is best for all will not manifest until it is passed on, thus what is best for all is all that is to be voiced, as I as life cannot be life until what is best for all is manifest on this earth, thus does the orchestration of what is best for all begin, the voice in the darkness of that which is best for all as this is here, as this is what the human wants, as the life that is here must itself create, and thus is the voice, yet weak and small, beginning to speak as life, where this voice will only manifest through speaking and living this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize, every time I doubt, that this doubt is the cause of what is on this earth, that this doubt is separation from life, as this doubt will generate fear as it is in opposition to life, just as when I face opposition and doubt, where I fear separation from what is before me, not looking at what is before me and in common sense using the principle of what is best for all, where the conflict is in itself in separation from agreement and action as what is best for all, and it must be known that there are no choices but what is best for all.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see realize and understand that should I look, I will find a hole within my heart, a hole self created and accepted and allowed as I have become stagnant within my self in abdication of life, where this hole lies the whole of life, when this hole is the path to the whole, the being of myself as one and equal to life, this embrace of giving, this heart I am lead to believe is fixed/cured with chemicals within a system of profit that needs followers to allow leaders as profiteers who themselves are not life, as they are as tied to me as I am to them as I accept and allow a system ignorant of the giving abundance of earth, the physical,  a cure that has not in fact been found as the form allowed and accepted on earth is tantamount as the present destruction of earth reveals, as disease can only be cured by self thus must laws be passed to force the opposite as though words are abused/used to guard falsity when such structures need not exist as the earth is here giving freely without signature, as signature is a creation of man in separation, having lost a sense of the whole, and thus attempting to fill in the lost hole of self with structures that have no substance and must be printed endlessly to survive.

I commit myself to breath, to breathing to pushing through resistances.

I commit myself to slowing down my breath and giving response only within a steady calm breath.

I commit myself to  realizing that all anger is based on a belief as an expectation of a persona based on accepted societal values and structures that are inadequate in allowing self direction and thus self discovery of this physical world and the expression of self as life, within this the letting go of the anger as persona management is a habitual justification accepted and allowed as what is real, yet absent in awareness of this earth and self as a directive as life.

I commit myself to remaining within breath in the face of expectations that are themselves in separation from life,

I commit myself to breathing through anxiety, as anxiety is based on expectation within habitual personnel developed in separation from life as a starting point.

I commit myself to walking as self as life, as realizing this physical world as what is real and one and equal to myself here, where there need be no anger as the physical is the embrace of life.

I commit myself to speak up about the atrocity of the abuse of earth existent as the present money system of profit where money accumulation is valued more than life, and within this, denies the equality and oneness of men - and all subject to men’s imposition - to this physical world of substance, that which in fact is the expression of life, here.

I commit myself to realize expectation is a mind dream, and thus a separation from what is physically here.

I commit myself to realize that, as a child, many expectations were driven into myself, leading to a separation from the physical world and a search to fulfil and complement imposed expectations

 instead of developing self direction, equality, expression in and as the physical world.

Life Review

Energy and money

Day 50 Woe/Owe

Day 50 Woe/Owe

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  feel I owe and within this create my own woe.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as woe.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to be the emotion of woe.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe in this emotion of woe where I owe a correction to something or someone, where in being this owe/woe I am in fact no longer allowing my self as life, here, as owe and woe are based on past events, and I allow the past, I allow judgement and excuse and belief and opinion as what I have learned as the persona, the stopping of a continuum as myself as life, here, one and equal, in and as lie instead of life, where I lie within and as the past and stop myself from existing here based on morality of adherence, adding to here, accepted behaviors that maintain a fixed regimen of roles to support the survival of specific structures taught and accepted to uphold the mold within a system of profit.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that the behavioral mold of myself as persona, a collection of storied events from my past, that I have allowed to define myself here, behaviors recited through the cry of blame and shame, fear and loss, desire for gain and meaning in a world where life is not considered, where what is paramount is profit to buy defense through objects of definition that clutter life and limit  an expanding continuum of self expression as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear loss, as nothing can be lost, only the burdens removed as stagnant idea, belief and opinion, to realize these defenses held are a stubborn resistance to self as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I am of no name, and of all names.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize meaning is within no meaning, as life is the value, as having the meaning, so no meaning need be sought as it is here as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see and realize that what is owed is to relinquish woe, as loss is the illusion, as it is the belief in loss that is the separtion from allowing self as life to continue.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that validation from without can exist in a world of fear, as this earth, where the game is survival as this is the sight of fear in separation and fear of self as life, thus can I only become self trust as life within the principle of oneness in equality, as what is best for all, is giving as one would like to receive to stop the madness, as anger, as fear, as what exists on this earth within a system that is the structure of survival and competition as what this earth has freely given is imprisoned within a system of inequality, such riding on a belief of lack as this continues a fear of no gain, no life, a perpetual motion, of infinite design.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I have been hurt when the hurt is the separation from my self as life, into a persona, as the dramatics of a character, as this is what is learned and accepted by each and every human on this earth in separation from earth, from the physical world whose image and likeness is to give as you would like to receive, thus was it I, as each and every one of us, who accepted and allowed the models of profit instead of the model of life as what supports myself here, the physical world.

I commit my self to realizing that I am responsible for myself only in being my self as life, as I cannot be the life for another, as the other is life and must be life for themselves, where I, in being my self here as what I am as life, is the directive to realize the emotions, thought and feelings of others is themselves caught in self seeking definition, as though a definition defines, looking for a constant when the constant is being life itself, as self.

I commit my self to believing I carry the burdens of others, as I cannot carry what is accepted and allowed and carried by another, especially since the burden is a separation of self in an infinite loop.

I commit myself  to remaining here in breath, to realize my own separations into and as fear.

The infinity secret, consciousness  as the light and the dark.