Saturday, August 11, 2012

Day 115 Letting it go.


I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how I was seeking a positive experience in and as energy, I was seeking what I labeled as comfort, as being in a nice place, a nice positive place where I attach a positive experience within the negative judgements I have of the world, from which I want escape in not facing what has been accepted and allowed here, as the very non problem solving of ourselves in fear of our own accepted and allowed system creation of inequality, where the starting point was a void lacking common sense of all that is here that is life, that is us one and equal, which have been made so separate that we have aggrandized the separation and believe ourselves as man superior, which in wanting to be superior we are in fact admitting our fear, within this wanting to be more than another instead of becoming one and equal. Thus superiority is actual fear, as it is pushing away what is believed to be inferior as some kind of infection, when the infection will not go away, as the infection is the cause of the drive into some supposed “superior” stance, and within this the infection is not considered and taken care of, only pushed away and thus ignored. Problem not solved, only shoved under the rug, a line drawn through it, covering it and creating a layer as a platform, which is separation. Separation is not solution, it is an act of masking, like placing masking tape over something. The tape and the thing being masked IS STILL THERE and it is not going away, and it is us, all of us. It is a hiding. The  superior stance must get bigger and bigger to hide the tape that hides the infection ( perceived) as the “infection” grows with the superiority “stance” and so the separation grow and grow, and become this huge mass, like a tumor until one cannot deny what is happening, as all that is left, which must be faced is the original infection covered with so many layers of decor to hide what was never faced. And so the tower falls. All the “babel” to hide the infection topples the picture show of justification, inevitable, as all that one has become in allowing the superiority stance to exist is a consumer of what is here to feed the hiding as separation from the original infection of running from the inferior, the judgement, the inception of the in-fear-ior, in fear I (hear/here)or ( ohr- ear in German).
And our emotions and feelings show us, compounds of thought, relationships, where we are judging and believing and accepting and allowing ourselves to exist as that original separation into and as a judgement as the infection of fear from which we run into and as standing on the masking mark we created to hide from not facing the fear and realizing it is not real, and only a separation.
Within this, the only solution is to walk back through all the layers of our own layers of masking tape, remove them, and face the original separation into and as inferior and superior. We have ourselves as common sense to see this, to stop this, to get back to the starting infection of separation into and as more than and less than. I forgive myself for what I have accepted and allowed, by self forgiving the layers of expression, which as they are in separation and divided, are of energy and not self as sound expression as life here as this is the source and thus the sense, as the commonality of the substance of what we are all, as what is the equality that we are, able to be existent on this earth as common sense, as the organism of life that we are.
A “god” would give this, would share this, be this, allow this, as this is the gift of life here. It makes absolute common sense. We are all equal, and it is only belief that is the idea of something being greater than another, and it is a system of inequality, as profit, that allows some development and others not. A structure creating lack, where on this earth the “lack” is HUGE and growing every day until it all topples and falls under the weight of its own babel of separation supporting ideas of grandeur, all in separation of life, an infection of belief hiding a fear.
As the money has come to represent the “positive” and the real life, the physical, has come to represent the “negative” the lack of development as the physical grows ( disease) and the build up of money for the few grows, the system will tumble, as the superior is masking what grows with and as it, the inferior as the physical in lack. The tower will fall as the ones with the money babel away in superiority standing on soap boxes/platforms masking the infection of fear, used to maintain the illusion and separation from life manifest as energy, this which cannot stand as it is in separation from life.
TIme to clean all of this up.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing my own inferiority.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to accept inferiority, which means I ran from problem solving, I did not use myself as life, in common sense to communicate a solution within what is best for all, and instead separated myself from life, from what is real this physical world, and thus I self created my own lack of expression in and as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that all projections I have created in and as myself, as the roles and personas,and characters I accepted and allowed to stand as me, instead of as myself as life, one and equal to life of which this physical world is, in an effort to survive within a system of inequality that is a system of separation from equality and thus a system of inferiority and superiority that creates lack for this physical world, and the accumulation of seeming abundance in the form of money for a few who hide from equality as the value as what is the same within each of us that is life, the illusion is superiority.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand all the characters I exist as that can be heard as they are the thought of myself within the desire to be superior and/or the belief that I am inferior, when this is looking at my own accepted and allowed separations and not what is actually physically here, which is myself as myself being within and as common sense as the realization that I am life and that this is the value as what is here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I am emotional, I am not actually physically here, I am within a desire in and as wanting something, where the being as the wanting of something is myself in separation from life here, as what is real is that everything is here and thus the solution is here right in front of us as life, so, what is here that is creating abuse and lack can be solved into and as what supports life, it is only up to us, as man, to stand up and allow what is here, that is being masked by a stance of superiority and inferiority which is a state of separation, that exists as energy and not the constant in and as life as sound/substance of life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not have seen realized and understood that yesterday when I was working with my son, I had to yell at him because a chain saw was going and making a lot of noise, and he stopped and threw a tantrum because I yelled at him and it scared him, and he went into a big emotional storm about how I scared him, and I could not react to this, and he could not “here”, hear me, as he was already within a storm of emotion as fear within the scenario, thus we had to separate, as I also knew he was busy writing a very large paper for his work and was already stressed and in fear of this, which is unacceptable, yet the storm has risen and thus needed to subside. And within this I realize that my starting point with the total action had not been worked out in common sense, so I had to let this go for the moment, yet with the words spoken by my son I could hear the whole litany of his fear and my own which is why I had not started the whole event within common sense. This was not the fault of the woman/man as object but the action with the man and the woman in totality, thus this will have to be walked again within common sense as the very expression of what existed was not clear, and within this any action of blame is pointless, as this is not solution as the means to develop understanding within the whole action required within the event. And within this, for any person to blame another, or to want to abdicate responsibility to and towards anything that exists on this earth, is an act of separation from life, the only “action” available as support, as what one would like to receive, is to move within and as common sense, as equality, all else is separation from life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have felt shame for what i had accepted and allowed to be developed as my son, within and as an emotional tantrum of blame, where this is also of no common sense solution, the allowance must be realized, forgiven and directed within solution as what is best for all, as giving what one would like to receive as what is best for all, meaning to be no act of blame, but to be the voice within and as common sense in directing within a solution that is best for all.
I forgive myself for having allowed myself to want to escape from facing my own fears as what I have accepted and allowed, as there is a lot of existential separation existent within the present survival/profit based system of inequality where many react within and as their very accepted and allowed separations into and as energy as emotion and feelings, where they fear losing money and what positions that exist within receiving this money to survive, and thus the actions of spite and blame and hiding exist, which are unacceptable and destructive of life, where they agree that this system must change yet do not see that they are the ones, the collection of those fearing change and thus are the cause, as all must stand up within this system, thus waiting for someone else is an act of blame and spite, where verbally it is acknowledged yet no action is taken and this is the only way out, for all within this system to stand and change this system to a system that supports all life, as life is the value.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how the only solution is to walk the change from existing within separation in and as inferiority and superiority into and as equality utilizing common sense, as what is best for all is best for self, as that any judgement and spite and blame and bullying action cannot touch me unless I accept and allow this, as this is energy and thus inconstant and unstable and has not real ground on which to stand and thus is nothing to fear, as it is fear, as it is separation from what is real, the value that is here, that is life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that common sense as self as life is not something to suddenly find and exist as, it is to be realized constantly as self here in every breath , in every moment,  as we have stood within inequality in and as a belief within and as separation from what is real, as life, it will take time to remain constant as being life where taking all that has been allowed in separation back to self and realizing self as life here, as the manifestation of the principle of oneness in equality, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the multiple characters I exist as in an effort to survive, in separation from myself, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I was taught to exist within these characters to ensure the survival of myself and my family through my parents as this is the heritage, the heretics in separation from life value within and as abdication of self as life in fear of standing as life, choosing relationships to define self instead of realizing self as life, as all as one as equal.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see the character I existed as, as guilt, for having allowed and accepted the behaviors existent within and as  my son.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as the emotion of sadness to and towards my son, as the reactive behavior in and as fear manifest as a tantrum of same “cry” as blame and spite in lack of self as life within and as common sense as solution within the given scenario in which this played out.
I forgive myself for having allowed and accepted a thought of anger to and towards my son, as a character righteous and reactive to behaviors, the being and having of self within and as blame and spite as reaction instead of breathing in and being one with breath, here in common sense within a developing understanding of how the human works as mind within thoughts, emotions and feelings being the signifiers of separation from common sense, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have believed that since I was a woman it would be better for my manly son to have held the chain saw, which was my self existing as the character of the woman and not using my common sense, walking the task slowly, which was a task I had spent time working through and thus I was more prepared to face the job, but I allowed and accepted a belief that it should be done by a man and not myself, as I feared the machine, which is silly because I take care of my own lawnmower etc.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have become the character of disgust at the actions of my son, where this was really disgust with myself for not having been self responsible, and also realized within this that my son is stressed and thus inclined to being emotional, and thus asking him to help me was like asking a preoccupation as action to step out of character where there has not been practice within this, yet, this must be done, avoidance is not a solution on another level as well.
Within this, I  forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become the character of futility, where I judge there being a “right” moment and a “wrong” moment, as there is only here, and thus no right or wrong moment within and as interacting in common sense of what is here and what existentially exists within the present system.
I forgive myself for allowing and and accepting myself to have existed as the character of the woman alone needing help, believing, within and as an act of self pity, that being alone , here within my existential responsibilities that something is missing, when life is here, and all that is needed is right here, and that there is actually no reason why my son cannot become involved within the requirements in taking care of this place on which I exist at the moment, thus I am not actually alone, it is just an idea in and as my mind that does fits what is propagated as the picture perfect idea of a social structure based on opinions supporting separation from self as life, and supporting a system of inequality by forcing limited expressions as to how life should look, be, present itself in and as.


I commit myself to realizing all moments where I begin to move myself into and as energy as response, as outplay, as emotion and feeling, based on ideas, beliefs and opinions, manifest as characters and personas, as my survival suit, learned in childhood from parents of like suit, where I am actually “following suit” in separation from life, into seeing only what supports a system of inequality as what I have accepted and allowed where I believe myself to be inferior and or superior as I have accepted such definitions of myself through accepting and allowing labels instead of moving myself within and as the life that I am, that which is the substance of what is here, as what supports me, as what I consume in separation from equality as this, as I have learned label instead of self direction as life, as I have made the mind as map maker, as memory holder my directive and not the substance of myself as life, that which is able to exist in oneness and equality as the value is this.
I commit myself to no longer allow the separations of myself into and as energetic reaction as my personality, my survival suit in self interest that was not taught to look at the whole, to see the physical as what is real, and to instead read a screen of memories from a halo around my eyes, that which is held in high esteem in the paintings of out churches and past that actually is a separation into and as a belief that there is something superior beyond this existence when this is in itself a separation from what is physically here, as the substance as life, as this is made a religion, to actually separate and divide us from actually being life here, where should we become one and equal to this physical world we would transcend death and thus realize ourselves as life, as this is the power, as this is what is real, thus is religion an act of separation from life, utilized to create lack within this physical world, to allow a few to create a piece of paper where the resources of this earth are divided unequally creating “more” for a few, thus  commit myself to removing this halo of separation, as a survival suit, a separation, a distraction from life, through the desteni i process, to self forgive this screen that separates and constricts myself into burning and consuming my human physical body into ash and a non-transcendent-of-life death and to correct the being of myself here into and as oneness in equality with the physical, the real tool of life expression, through writing all of this out, to place what I have accepted and allowed into and as words to see, realize and understand what I have allowed in separation from myself as life.
I commit myself to becoming a respect for life, through realizing what i have accepted and allowed in and as my mind, as my thoughts, emotions and feelings, and to no longer allow these to surface as the personality and character of myself to no longer allow this to be what i am here, as I continue to self correct through scripting myself as life, in oneness and equality here, to bring all the pieces of myself back to self to enable myself to stand as life.
I commit myself to realizing there is nothing to fear but fear itself.
I commit myself to no longer connecting fear to what is the directive within and as me here.
I commit myself to, no matter what, allowing the curtains of the mind to be what directs me here, as I remain here, within and as breath.
I commit myself to standing up within the systems of separation, to being the separations into what is directive within what is best for all here.
I commit myself to letting go what rises up within and as me as emotions , thoughts and feelings that are not to fear but to see as an act of separation from myself as life, where I breath, bring this all back to self and let it go.

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