Day 654 Returning to Common Sense.

Returning to common sense.

Last night, as I was driving back from a second presentation for the week, I wanted to go into all manner of self doubt and give up. The problem is that the drama within and as me, had no common sense. This was myself looking at lack, instead of the very measure of the world around me. I had to stop, as I do so often these days, in terms of the beliefs, opinions and ideas that swim around in my mind, as what my own mindfulness is, filled with a measure that categorizes things within values of more than and less than, ignoring the practical right in front of me. I live on and as a physical beingness, and this physical world has an order of creation, built of parts, as cells, and probably even smaller particles. And these parts, collectively form me, here. It is a magnificent thing for sure. 

And yet, here I am imagining all manner of doom and gloom situations that bear no witness to this practical living measure. Instead, I am in an imaginative construction of limited ideas, made larger than the life around me, the physical life around me. I have accepted and allowed what is usurious as a verb, and pyramidal as a form, composed of limited values that are metaphysical, because they are not in common sense of this physical means of expression, which would be to include all life!

Within this limited construction lived in an imaginative state, I have become a mind consciousness and not a life consciousness. I have allowed a bubble of limitation to define who and what I am.

And, because I learn through spaced repetition, I become what I believe as a measure, I program myself with a metaphysical ideology, that does not fit into what I am, causing a dis-ease within my physical self and with the world around me, hence instead of seeing directly here, I end up in my car, driving down the road, imagining a lack, believing my inner measure to be true, and everyone else’s measure to be  the fault in comparison to my own. Yet, right here, right in that moment, is the obvious answer, I am in separation from common sense, and that common sense is right here in front of me, all the time, has always been! Thus, it is only me who can be the blame, because I accepted it, I allowed it. I am the cause of my own separation and I am the only one that can change this lesser measure that is chaotic because it does not fit into reality, as the physical. I am the cause of friction as the conflict within composed of self pity, and spite towards the world around me. I am focused within a construct of lack. I have, because I learn through spaced repetition, accepted limited measures about reality, again and again until I have believed them to be true. Hence when I race as my own measure of expectation, and that expectation is not lived exactly as my inner picture show stories, I crash. 

As I drove, I stopped. The blame and spite in my mind, sometimes blaming  a lack without, and/or a lack within, judging another and/or myself as not being enough, has nothing to do with using common sense, realizing that we all are doing this, and grounding what is always right here, as the solution of bringing everything back down to earth, as in moving into a common sense measure with the means of myself being here, which is the physical world. The means of this is always the simple. And that simple is always right here in front of me, it has to be, or the ubiquitous media shower of a ‘ good’ that is a false positive would not be so effective in causing a metaphysical society in separation from earth as mankind! 

That ever present and constant media uses a spaced measure of constant remeasure to ensure common sense is not used, to distract one from what is real, as the physical world that is creation information. LOL, the media uses a limited information and repeats it again and again, to induce, or divide the within measure of each person from what is real, the physical world that is creation information.

Someone said to me this week, as I brought up what is called the ‘ harem effect’ that this was only showing the preference of a person. Yes, this is true, yet it is that preference when used to define a person, as a set of values preferred, that the rest of the many wonderful values as qualities of the physical world are ignored, hence an expansion within one’s awareness of the qualities of the world around us, are denied, as those limited values that are not bad values, are chased to serve one’s personification of oneself. That personification when made larger than the physical is a limitation. If one decides to be that measure, because it is a measure, that is cool, yet remember that one is ‘ trying something out’ and within this to respect all other measure as being of equal value, where not one is more than another. And remember that if one remains within one measure, it can become an illusion of truth, which leads to becoming stagnant, where that truth becomes a comfort, and change appears to cause a death of one’s habit or measure which appears to be uncomfortable, and is really only un- com-forting one’s value system composed of qualities in a moment. Thus, it is as though one took on some values in a moment, and within that forgot, or dismembered one’s self from everything else in this physical world. If one remembered this, then change would be a transformation instead of a death. 

Yet all of this shows how much we are creators!  If we look at how fluid children are, how they absorb and change and develop, we can understand that this is our real nature, to be able to change and take in form and function! Our within is really just like water, we can take on the form of the world around us, and come up with new ways of doing things! In all common sense, this is how men, as their real nature, can come up with new ways of doing things that improve our understanding of the means of living as the physical world around us. And, this is when we are most happy, because we are using all of ourselves to sense the world around us! This is the gift of life, within and as us. This is the instrument of the physical world as us, moving in fluid constancy as change with creation as the physical world as life information!

It is only because we have allowed ourselves to believe an inner measure for a moment to be more than the world around us, as the physical, that we have become stagnant and interior to life. We are living in fear, we are allowing a false evidence to appear real! And that false evidence is composed of qualities that are inflated values ignoring all values as being a part of life! It is really very simple. Hence, spiting and blaming another’s value system which is self blaming and spiting self’s value system because it is all composed of values existent within the physical, is really only a paranormal event in one’s mind and not an act of respect for life. It is not self being self as life, it is a disconnect from one’s real nature, which is fluid and changeable like water.

So, as I sat in my car, I realized that all the fear moving through me in the form of believing in a lack and blaming that lack, within and without, and realizing that the expectations I held based on limited values that missed a common sense of reality and the separation that exists as the minds of men, I have to slow down, and realize the hue on men, is a measure of limited values believed to be more than reality, that have become one’s greatest weakness as false evidence appearing real, a meta-physical construction of values that are great strengths because they are aspects of reality, as the only thing that is real, is the physical world as this is life information.

The warning here, is that the imposition of a false god, as a limited meta-physical construction of beliefs, opinions and ideas, to define one’s self, perpetually made larger than life, will destroy life, render it shattered because that imposition of lack, does not fit into creation, cannot and will not. As life takes that which is good and does no harm. Unless each man, removes the hue of self interest, and respects the physical world, which means working with the physical in ways that do no harm, using one’s real nature that is fluid like water and considering all things, within each moment, the physical world will shatter and disintegrate, as we see happening all around us, especially in the state of health of our trees. We are, if we continue to allow hierarchy, destroying this earth and creation, we are destroying the means to being life in expression, as nature is the product of what works in the physical, as what works in the physical is what fits in symbiotic ways.

We have one chance, one life, we can realize equality, as everything being us in another form/life, or we can stagnate in a mind consciousness that is a limitation forgetful of the real creation as the physical world guiding us towards what works as in what does no harm, taking that which is good as this is the action of respecting all things.

Day 622 Am I the automation of my beliefs, opinions and ideas? Do I i consider all life?

So often I notice that I fear telling the truth, the real common sense measure of this physical real world where I live my life.. In little things even, as though making things clear  is somehow ‘ bad” or ‘ offensive’. Really a form of insanity on a practical physical world. If I want to get something done, I have to walk the practical measure of what it means, step by step to get that thing done. If I want to learn to play the violin, I have to become aware of the from of it, the mechanics of it. I mean, is this not how we learn to drive a car? Is this not how we learn to wash our clothes? Is this not how we learn to cook?

If I am driving down a road, and I see a scruffy looking dog who appears disoriented, is it not to do what I would want done for me were I the flesh and blood that is the same as me, as that dog? Is not a dog formed of cells and water and fats and minerals just as I am? How is it that men have ignored what is a starting point that is the same in all physical life? How is it that men, as all of us,  realize we must walk the steps to move our bodies into a washroom, turn on the hot water, pick up the bar of soap, move our arms in an up and down motion, as in walking the order of what it means to clean our bodies, and yet, not see, realize and understand that everything that happens on this earth is because the steps to order outcomes must be walked to complete a movement as what and how life works in a physical form?

How is it that we do not see and realize the obvious outcome of paying interest on money borrowed means moving the principle from the source as the labor and the material value. like a drain, into those lending with interest? How is it that we do not realize that this by design is a pyramid scheme that requires endless growth on a finite planet that can sustain itself if what is taken out circulates back, to once again transform into what should create value for the betterment of life?

That dog on the side of the road, had to walk, move though, situations, as measure of experience and exposure to come to exist in the lack that it is experiencing the measure of.

How is it that we cannot realize that the so-called veil, is that our inner experience is not equal to practical reality when we ignore that dog? How is it that we cannot see that we are not seeing this reality directly, when we ignore so many things that exist that are unacceptable all around us?

How is it that we ignore poverty and men who resort to crime and end up in prison, when so many of us, especially the middle class realize that we must educate our children through exposing them to opportunities in self development, as self refinement in inner measure, and yet, ignore that this is the way and the means to prevent lack in men? Saying ‘ I know” and then not acting upon this, is as negligent as being that cause directly of situations of lack, in any living form on this earth. They are no different.

As far as myself fearing to tell the truth, to look here, to realize that physical movements happened that lead to what exits here. There is no invisible hand, there is no iron fist, there is the reality of the measure of here as the physical. Our metaphysical metaphors are the signifiers of our ignorance and the sound of justification in our words. We are mis-using the gift of sound, distorting out communication. 

Today,, when I spoke up about something, I noticed this inability to look without, as I only looked at the words I spoke to stand stable in the form I wanted to convey, so concentrated on my words was I, to hold them, that little of me sensed the space and time of the world around me. It was just a moment, thus, I realized this on reflection in the next moment.

This is not something new to me. And yet, I know I am capable of this, after all playing in a group requires listening to the parts and the whole, which means I have the ability to sense the parts and the whole.  We all do, otherwise we would not be able to drive our cars. How far can we go if we realize real equality means focusing here, in total, our withins being equal to our withouts? Respecting what is here as this physical world that reaches its full potential when no lack is allowed?

What I repeat becomes me, it accumulates and then becomes a habit within me. If I judge, and then compare, where one thing is more than another, I become the state of ‘ measuring” that state of being, and I walk around in that measure, that act of comparison- based on ideas that I already habituated as something to define me. When I reject what does not suit my habit, my state of measure repeated until automated, just like being addicted to porn, I become a walking projection of that, and see only what supports that projection that ignores what is real, right here in front of me, what respects and enjoys differences, learns and expands in awareness from them. I become a persona of what I accept and allow. Through repetition I program what I am. If the measure is not a practice of equal consideration of the means of my being here, then I become unequal to the life that is this physical world.

If I see directly here, and absorb what is the movement and function and measure of something and take it for what it is without value judgements, then I am more grounded here, and more aware, and more able to direct myself in ways that consider things and receive them to realize actions that do no harm. This is really what my physical body is the means to be and do.

If my inner measure as my beliefs and ideas repeated and habituated are not what is aware of here, my within ordered to assess the without, then there builds a weight within me, a heaviness that cannot fit into directives that lack consequences I must eventually face and realign. 

All of this means that I am just like a computer, my memory can fill up, and that what my memory is, the measure of it, if it is not clear in seeing reality directly,  I cannot process the information of my living here, and have many miss-takes that end up not fulfilling the real sensory potential of myself, and because of this, I create my own insecurity and have a hard time being truthful, because I have become the habit of my separation as the measure I repeated and programmed into me. 

If I punish myself, or what ever measure is here, as in resisting mis-measure,  I am not standing with what is real;  the only solution is to stand as what is real here, being directive within this. To realize, within each moment, that I create who and what I am within what I accept and allow. And, that in every moment I can ground myself here. And no matter what, remain present despite what ever habituated memory validates its measure within or without as behaviors, which must need be done because this is not being aligned within to the without as the means of living, the physical, this that is always right here, present, life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear to be truthful.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing the measure as belief, opinion and idea within and without, as this is a measure of equal-standing phy-si-cal life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, for example, to judge myself as being more based on what model of car I drive, or on how my appearance is received within a system that is the accumulation of limited measures of values  causing an inner attention to comparison in the order of that limited value instead of, as in these instances, being thankful for having a car, and or respecting having clothing and the ability to have clean hair, taking care of the body, and instead of being comparison with an end judgement of distain, to avoid, to instead assess and direct in ways that do no harm, realizing that each has the capacity to investigate and reorder through being practical here, with the aid of the physical showing the way in every moment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being the practice of common sense of reality as what I am the perfect form as physical living to be and to do.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to listen to hear the form within of another, and within this to allow self discovery, and self awareness, and to realize that in remaining focused here, in physical life, as life would be an information,  being truthful as in being self honest, is being equal to the measure of practical reality, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be oblivious to the practice of physical living here, the means and way of being life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that being in creation, means to walk the measure of the practice of physical living here.

When and as If ind myself resisting here, as in behaviors of rejection or resistance, i stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I ground myself as in equalize myself to the measure of reality, and I assess what I am allowing and accepting as a measure as the experience I have labeled in judgement as my past, as a belief about here, and I move into and as, in thought word and deed that which respects and considers  all life, as the physical form here that is the means of my existence, to see, realize and understand what is best for all.

When and as I find myself feeling overwhelmed within and as bringing myself back down to earth, as in conveying the practice of living on a physical planet, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I assess and investigate what is here, right in front of me, becoming the moment of here, as it is here that I can equalize myself back into being life.

When and as I find myself reacting to belief, opinion and idea, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand that such is a measure of under-standing that must self realize and have the space and time to reground, thus reaction in terms of such defining me,  exists only if I accept and allow it, as I am life, the means to ‘ turn the tide,’ the form of my accepted and allowed belief, to slow way down and sense what is the directive as the practical steps, as the practice of living in consideration of all things as me, as I am here.

When and as I sense a weight as a movement as something that does not fit into here, as a sense of feeling overwhelmed, or anxious, of fearful, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I take the time and space to investigate myself equal and one to and with life here, as this I slow down and take in the information in front of me, assess and ground myself here in thought, word and deed.

Day 558 Moving " upon" the section of a group.

In looking at words and what memories come up, a thought and memory came up with the word ‘ upon,”  which means to be “connected with.” I read this word as up on, and then I was in a memory of sitting in an orchestra section and having the thought “ Move up on.” It was the idea that I had to move up, move forward, move upon the seating placements in front of me. That being forward had more value than where I was. The motivation to be more than what I was within a picture of one thing being more than another and defining me.

Such a movement is not good or bad, but being the motivation to appear to be more was a distraction from being what I was , where I was, and giving my attention to what I was doing. Having a thought, a judgement, was myself as mind paying attention to an idea within a structural belief of hierarchy, and not myself seeing the whole and the parts, realizing that in space and time, there really is no difference. And, to know, that when a section leader plays really loud as a means to leading, it is really annoying, because the sound of the group, the section, should be balanced, where it sounds as though it is one, all as one. So, each part is really equal, and it is only the illusion of one seat, placement being more than another.

This is also me competing, believing that I must compete to prove myself, where the proof of being present, in this scenario, is to perform in a way that joins each seat with the other so that the sound is stable, able to be heard and balanced, so the section can respond to the other sections of the group and as such, hear all the interplay, which is what is fun in playing anyway!

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought ‘ I have to move upon”, as up-on the front of the section, becoming connected to the front of the section.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that being up on the front lines gives me greater value than being behind on the section in seating placement.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to connect “ upon” with a personal value of myself in relation to society.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine myself being of greater value were I to be upon the front lines of the orchestral section.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define value with my placement in a group, meaning I have more value if I am on the front lines of the group.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to distract myself from paying attention to the whole in and as thinking that I would have more value on the “ front lines” of a group.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define upon within the measure of where i am from a limited perspective in and as being placed in a spot, in a group.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from where i am, to imagining where I should, or could, or would be, and what that imaginative idea would create as a value of what I would be defined as in separation from myself here, being equal and one to and as what I am doing and where I am here as being the value of life as what is real, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become such a thought as “ I have to move upon” to prove my self worth, and as this meta-physical idea, separate myself from seeing directly here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how this one thought creates a sinking feeling from my head into my chest, where I become a self judgement of being this thought, that I am less than because of my position, and within this, creating a heavy feeling, occupying myself with an idea of more than and less than, and limiting my ability to grow and expand in awareness as my attention is on idea, instead of a focus of equal measure to and as practical reality, as it is only here than I can change, see, and equalize myself to practical actions that enable me to reach the full expression of and as myself as life, here.

When and as I find myself having a thought such as “ I have to move upon,” I stop and I breath, and I realize what values I am accepting and allowing to determine a definition of myself as a more than and/or a less than, and I slow down, and I see, realize and understand that the value is life, and that i am here, and that I can only move myself from here, from where i am, and that it is only from here, that I can hear what is here, as an idea in and as my mind, is just this, an idea, and not what gives me life, and enables me to direct and move, as i am here as a physical beingness, the way and the means of and as life, thus, what is real, where growth happens in thought word and deed is paying attention to here, to the physical.

When and as I find myself becoming an idea, as a thought, I stop and I breath, and I bring myself here, equal and one, breathing, to be in common sense of practical reality, looking at what steps I can take in one moment that direct me to the next step as this is the way and the means of life, as life in expression, as, in all common sense, life will.

When and as I find myself becoming an emotion of believing myself to be less than, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I forgive the memory, as the thought, as the emotion being the accumulation of and as such thought, and I bring myself back to practical reality, to realize a common sense measure as the physical, and I become the principle of what is best for all, as that which does no harm and takes that which is good, to see realize and understand myself as life, here, equal and one.

Day 550 The storied existence of the NOW and the presence of HERE.

I am looking at the word “ now.” It means to be a historical story as a point that is a sequence of events built from a past.  This means that one is in a state that is of a story of a series of events. If I allow myself to be defined as this, then I am not here, I am a “ now” instead of a here. And as this, I take events within a bordered historical reference and define myself as this. One can do this in a moment, to clarify a sequence, but to define as this only is to become a program of and as this. Would this not slow perception down, if one were this only, as a definition? And, would not what was not included, what did not maintain this story, be rejected? And then would this “ now” separate one from here, from aligning oneself here?

So, to exist as a repetition of the past, is to become a limited self definition, which so many of us do when we talk about what school we went to, and what area we came from, or what the history of our family was, or how much money we have or do not have, and /or what we missed or lack based on our economic opportunity- because it takes money in this system to develop oneself - which begs the question as to why we allow lack! Would we not be programming ourselves in allowing a past sequence of events to define us and as such justify why we are what we are? This is in essence programming because it is a state of being that is reciting a sequence of events, which is essentially reciting our past program of events. And as this, we are not looking at the form and structure of here objectively, which means we are busy with story as past, and not realizing the patterns as our story, bringing them here, and seeing the structural whole systemically that is creating the consequences we recite as our stories!

So, in essence we are programming ourselves instead of being objective about the subject of our lives as what the systemic form subjects us to in terms of access to development. And we know how a human is developed to reach their full potential, and we know that many potentials do not fit into the economic model that believes some are more than others, which is another storied belief system held in place by the individual programs of story based on ignorance of the limitations of being a now past. Now, a program of such self limitation holds in place a system of judgement called hierarchy using money, which is wealth from freely given resources to maintain story that is in separation from practical physical reality. The program of hierarchy takes a lot of effort to maintain itself, because it is counter to practical reality, to being here, in common sense of what enables such programming, which is the physical.

In the “ now” programming, conception is lost, because the conception of self as mind, is of a sequence of events, instead of a conceptual development of physical reality, on which the “ now” exists.  To move from a limited conception to a direct seeing conception will appear to be a loss, when it is a loss that removes a storied, programmed inner picture show built of value judgements based on past story in a system of inequality built from a storied in-separation of common sense of the whole presence. Here presence - as inclusion of practical reality allows self to gain an awareness of a living breathing, creation of life information, which is life expression, here. So, it is to say this change is a loss of belief, that is a gain of life. The gain is to be on the cutting edge of creation. Creation would be sound, using all of the physical to balance and ensure that all forms are moving in ways that do no harm. This is something we have never experienced, so we do not know what life is because we have been so busy, for eons, telling stories because we have allowed ourselves to program ourselves as a story of value/ self definitions and then move into comparison of story being competition, instead of enjoyment of expression, realizing that all expression is in many ways discovery and being here, in common sense of practical physical reality. So every expression, every form is a gift to understand creation, and as such the enjoyment of being life, here. The real “ story” is the physical. If we can read this, and make this our story, then one would exist as a multisensory living direct seeing expression equal and one to the story of life as the actual real physical here. So, how do you define yourself?

This is why, our words must become living words, instead of storied/programmed limitations of self validation infearior to life. Real validation is to cross reference with the physical, with every breath, to enable equality and oneness with and as life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become frustrated at the storied past of another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to another’s story, another’s self perpetuating program as a sequence of events believed to define, and within this to reject listening, where it is listening that allows me to see the patterns of limitations, and the opportunity to walk such limitation into equal and one understanding of practical physical reality here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that walking through a  limited storied existence is burdensome, which is myself fearing that such a program will infect me, but the solution is to give as I would like to receive which is to walk limitation into a self discovery of equality and oneness to practical physical reality, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to resistance to simple definition of words, for example, where a response is that a word is known, and within this, the subject immediately changed to avoid being clear within a measure  as a movement that appears to be a slowing down, when such slowing down is building an ease as a foundation that is equal and one with and as a measure of practical physical reality here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want a quick fix, and within this to not see realize and understand that I allow myself to become an agenda and as such a storied existence, instead of taking the time to use a limitation being a believed program of and as a means to be life, which it cannot, thus such separation can end the race as time, and begin the journey to equality and oneness to and as life here, by walking the measure of becoming the living word, learning to read practical reality, to become a reed of and as life here, sounding equal and one to and as life, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how limited values are elongated in space and time and storied, repeated again and again, which in many ways is an emotional storm that cannot withstand the test of time, and as such peaks and dies, and which cannot define me unless I accept and allow this paranormal movement of this energy instead of sound equality, this paranormal that is a ghost/projected shadow in the machine of a human allowing and accepting a self definition based on past events, such events at present being a consequence of the accumulation of such behavior that has now manifested into a system held in place by such actions having automated genetically, as memory can be passed down generationally, like a pollution of story that was never cleaned up which means aligned to practical common sense of physical reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear standing equal and one to a program of limitation, which can only define me if I accept and allow this to do so.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the physical as life information, is here, like a cradle, as a sound information, gifting practical reality as the physical sound formation of an as life, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my emotions and feelings are the accumulation of the thoughts that are a measure of a part of existence, a part of a quality of the physical, which i accumulate and allow to build a self definition because I fear being equal and one with and as life, the physical, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that there is nothing to lose and everything to gain, in letting go of an automated self definition as a storied past, as the now, because the physical is here, with every step I take, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the mind as a thought is a part of reality, not good or bad, just an aspect, a quality of and as the formation of the physical expression in and as life here, one that can change with every breath, but when the imagination is made larger than life and the thought allowed to define self, limitation sets in as the part is accepted and allowed to define, and the gift of life that is the physical mechanism becomes less than the imagination.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this I project onto others what does not support the state of being of myself as an imaginative part only, becoming blame and spite as my accepted and allowed behavior, which is to spite myself as life, as I exist as a default as mind, as memory instead of equality and oneness to and as life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I blame the poor because the poor reveal to myself the parts I take to create a self definition that I then impose on the world around me to accept or else have no chance at survival, seeing realizing and understanding within this, that in order for my self justification to be real, what reveals my limitation must be removed, which overall is a crime against life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that systemically the order, the measure of the world system, is the image and likeness of what i allow within and as me as a storied existence that is my imagination built of limited parts that I have accepted and allowed to define me, where I allow the destruction of whole countries to turn resources into commodities to maintain the ghost in the machine as my personification that is composed of parts creating a limited design as a system from a starting point of self allowing inferiority to and as what i am as a physical being in creation which would be the way and the means of life, thus by my very accepted and allowed  limited storied existence as mind imagination made larger than life, known as ego, ordered as class, nationality, money acquisition,  belief, experience, idea opinion,  I fade into white as age and consume the very flesh formation of expression as life as the physical, so I allow the destruction of life on earth in not being equal and one to and as the physical world here.

When and as I have a thought, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I see realize and understand that within this I  can stand in common sense of practical physical reality, which is the means and expression in and as life, here.

When and as I find myself in thought, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I see realize and understand that such thoughts i have allowed and accepted to define me, as a thought can be a positive value that I believe is what I am, or a negative value as an emotion that I have allowed to define me as a good or a bad, all based on a past within a system manifest of same action accumulated over time, but which began with self, and as such must be equalized back into practical physical reality as this is the way and the means of life.

When and as I find myself becoming emotional, or excited as a feeling, i stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I see realize and understand how I have defined myself as idea, belief or opinion, because of experiences of a past within a system that is an automated manifestation of separation from equality and oneness to and as life here.

When and as I find myself fearing for my survival, I stop and I breath and I see, realize and understand that money is flowing in the form or usury, which is to take parts of qualities of life as resources and to move them through limited pathways to support a self definition that is a composition of belief based on an imagination that is in separation from common sense of practical reality, where whole nations are destroyed to turn water - for example- into a commodity to usuriously pre-empt a common sense local use of that resource that could organize the local, regional, national, physical earth in ways that create a self directed order that respects and maintains the physical life that is there directly on the ground, which would be a system of stewardship of earth, which is to exist as a state of being, equal and one to and as the life that is the physical, as this is the way and the means of and as the expression of life information.

When and as I find myself judging, as being in a state of story as a self definition as a mental “ now”, I stop and I breath and I see realize and understand that I have become a parasitical energetic flame of limited parts that consume the flesh as the formation of life as what allows me to exist as the gift of life, here, and I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, to stand equal and one to the parts as values of good and bad, as my accepted and allowed self definition, and I see realize and understand this usurious ghost in the machine as my personification that is myself existing as a paranormal event, and I bring myself here, to become equal and one in measure of common sense with and as the means of life, which is the physical world, to stand as what I am as the presence and substance of and as life, equalizing myself into practical reality, standing in common sense with and as the substance of the physical here to become of sound mind which is myself in equality and oneness to bearth myself into the physical as this is the way and the means of life here.

When and as I find myself becoming an emotional/feeling reaction, I stop and I breath, and I see what I reject and what I impose to define me, as thoughts, in protection and self defense of myself as an imagination which is a mis-use of the tool of imagination, as this is a paranormal event I am accepting and allowing creating an elongation of limited measure separating myself from a direct seeing conception of physical reality and as such a loss of common sense, and I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I bring the parts as self definitions back to self, to align in common sense to equality and oneness to and as life, here.

Day 538 Self Forgiveness Arguing Limitations

 Yesterday I had a lot of back chat coming up. I would notice this and then find myself in another scenario, an imagination in my mind. Each time, I was like a victim, but arguing, as in justifying my stance. It went from explaining things to a family member, which I forgave and then stopped, only to find the same thing happening about a disagreement with a neighbor.  I forgave this, and then I went into a “ what if” scenario. By the evening, I began to notice this pattern within myself, myself the victim and the world needing something explained. 

At the moment I have some decisions to make that are taking some time. And, I am learning how to speak with others in ways that I have not directed myself within using a specific kind of structure. Within this, what is interesting is that my music background keeps popping up. I begin to see everything like a movement. Like a multidimensional movement, and then I want to explain all of this. But there, within this, remains this defensive approach, as my patterns are showing me, my starting point is from myself believing i am a victim, which means I am not standing equal to what I am presenting, because there remains this sense of not being understood, or being a victim, which also means that I feel inferior, incapable, which in turn means that I believe I hold something superior. The polarity game spinning around as an argument, imagination in and as my mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to come from a starting point as a belief that i am a victim.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am not understood.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear that I am not understood.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as an idea that i am not understood.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am not understood based on a past, where, perhaps this is from when I was a child and did not have the vocabulary, the inner measure as the words to explain myself in ways that were clear, and even if I did, as I was a child, that perhaps the adults would not have heard me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want another to stand equal to me in understanding as a starting point, instead of standing equal and one to and as the words and measure of description that I am communicating.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use communication from a starting point of accusation, in a protection and defense manner, which make the matter that I am focused on a point of fear with an imagination of  an idea as a gain, and as such a fear of loss, of failure, instead of  common sense , here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that it takes time to reform and transform misinformation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into self blame, when and as I have not had an outcome that matched an expectation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, within this, carry the past with me, and fear an outcome that does not meet the expectations I expect.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to then go into a self expectation that impossibility exists.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that the misinformation of judgement within and as me, which I have accepted and allowed, is too much, is too deep, is a lot, that it is impossible for me to ever clear this up.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am mis-understood.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel like I have been saying something, over and over again for two years, and it appears that i can get no one to hear me, and that the fault of this is that I have too much cognitive dissonance that it is impossible for me to be able to reach others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe , within this, that I am a hopeless case, as others have come and are in the leadership position, because I could not speak in ways that allowed others to be equal in understanding.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  feel so confused, because I had stood in front of a group of children and thought to change the very fabric of their understanding, and what I walked with them had an immense effect, to such a degree that the reactions of the adults was one of silence, and here I am having moved into more understanding of this, and still, I have not been able to reach anyone, even when I practiced what i preach - so to speak, with positive results.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel like I stand in from of a mass of movement, and still I am not heard, within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have such a thought.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel frustrated when I do not even get some kind of response from another, and to have the thought that this is what is happening.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand within this that I can only be here, that a cup is a cup, and a word is a measure of here, and that this is the value of the word, in that it is a unit of measure of here, as it can really be nothing other than this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the emotional/feeling movement within and as me, is myself not being equal and one here, as I can only address what is the state of measure, within and without here, and that it takes time to balance out misinformation which means walking this in thought word and deed again and again until it is done.

When and as I find myself becoming uncertain, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that the fabric as the world around me, and the movement as mind as men, gives its separation away as the words spoken, and as such can be realigned in common sense of what has been accepted and allowed, in a world where men exist as energy as idea , impulsed for generations within a system of each human abdicating the within as life into limited measures of awareness of space and time, and as such creating a separation from functioning in equality with practical reality,  as the starting point was an idea of a more than, where the memory within and as the inner structure of the human, is a me sure as a me more, as a value judgement of the within picture being more real that the without reality that is what allows that within to exist, thus it is for me to stand here, within and as what is best for all, as this is what is best for self, and to see, realize and understand that in arguing my limitations, I am, as a whole, not standing equal and one here.

Day 493 One seemingly little thought. Looking up to father.

What is one seemingly little thought?

In looking at what comes up within points of pain within my physical body, I came to a memory of myself looking up to my father.

The value within the memory, and as a entity as a personification that I hold, is of my father being a source of stability from the eyes of myself as a young child. In all there is no good or bad about this, but it is an association that when made as a singular thought without the development within understanding a common sense of physical form and function, as practical reality,  creates a more than as a value that I project outside of myself.

So, that one thought, the one little thing, there behind other memories, was like a small seed that grew and grew, inflamed by myself because I accepted and allowed it, and followed this same inflammation of value within peers and media until it grew into a value to follow at the exclusion of common sense development.

This appears to me at the moment as such an insidious development, because the initial thought is so small, and yet grows so big over a period of time to become an energetic storm because an awareness of a physical context is not realized as the real sustaining value - which ultimately only self can be responsible for, even with a systemic design that aids and abets this value system that is in separation from common sense, as this allows the smoke and mirrors show of inequality and separation from life which is what inequality as our monetary system is and does, the outward manifestation of the separation from a common sense and thus, respect for our physical life, our planet, the very life of each of us, this that we enjoy more than any other, this that is a vehicle to be forgiving of ourselves as life. This is the single most enjoyable thing to be. It is what the trees do, the soils, the air, the water.

So, within this thought, as this memory, there was my father, to whom, as a child, I placed stability, capability, comfort, awe. And, yes, the capacity from my child’s eyes is cool, but it is the being of this, even if it is an idea projected onto another, that is something existent here, which means seeing that “ stance” as being self stable, capable, directive here. Instead of objectifying this, to realize that the awe of this is to be life as this, to stand here, stable, capable, directive as a physical being. Instead, we are taught to admire the father/man/object instead of the expression, and within this the physical form expressing here as being the value in total.

I had to move through all the drama built from this beginning thought, down to this one moment - and there may be more! One little thought, seemingly hard to catch because it is so small. Physically, that one little thought build a weight that can move up and down within, somehow settling in my heart, and here, in anxiety I begin to feel as though I cannot breath. It is myself that accepted this, it is myself that follows a belief instead of common sense, it is myself that causes the accumulated pain of my own separation, I build my own burdens, instead of remaining here, equal and one , in and as breath, being life, which means being forgiving, as self, realizing that value is life. Which means, open transparent communication with all men, plants, animals, everything, which means looking here and using common sense as what does no harm and supports all life absolutely. The elite need to realize this, as this is the only solution. That comfortable lifestyle can be experienced no matter where one goes if the total fabric of the physical world be respected and cared for, which means unequal distribution of resources must come to an end, and all labor respected and taught understanding with the value being life, and the common sense ability that is the nature of self as the life within to be equal in understanding the physical world.

Within this, I can see where this happens in so many ways: a boy towards a mother, sister, aunt etc. etc.. Or,  girl with any adult that becomes the dominant caretaker in one’s early life, which we can see in how people tend to need a certain figure in their lives or they feel something is missing. For my husband, he always like the company of men, like he was looking for that male companion, where he was comfortable with certain communication and support from a male. and I understand he had been very close to his father. There is nothing “ wrong” with this, it is a good in itself, but it is limiting, because the environment is limited, because an object becomes a venue, instead of the use of common sense and a realization that the need has nothing to do with the object and everything to do with self being directive within self as the thing sought after. The lack is a belief, and a projection of that value onto another instead of standing equal and one to the value and then using self to sense practical measurable physical reality to direct.

We can say that intellectually, many of us understand this, but we do not realize how much our emotional reactions are in fact based on such thoughts. These thoughts impulsed into us over and over again for generations not only by family, but what is generated by media, and the years of peers doing the same, and this accumulation happening all around us incessantly. This  limited scenario is also what we fall back on when we fear our survival, because when that fear of financial security comes in, we fall back on the protection and defense mechanisms as what we were taught as a unit of measure, and this is the value system that began with those little thoughts that so many have spent so many years trying to correct, only to use them again when under extreme survival duress, and/or fear of losing one’s social group in fear of being alone without any interaction with other men, or fear of being considered to not be a nice person, because one is not responding in socially accepted compassion for what we have all allowed. This just, in the end perpetuates the problem, this initial mis-understanding with common sense. We know that we move against common sense, and yet when someone does stand as this, it demands that we look at our actions, and it has become socially accepted that our limitations need sympathy and time to correct, so we give into them, which continues the separation. And money also allows this continued limitation, So, in the end it is all of us doing this.

Yet, this is obviously unsustainable. It ignores, in favor of a feeling or belief one has within, the actual real physical world without. So, in choosing one’s emotion within over the real world without, animals, plants, children, earth suffers. So, what is more important, that feeling, that emotion, or life? The consideration of other’s basic needs to live in dignity or that emotion based on a thought that projected a polarized comparative value separating into an inwardly occupying divisive insight onto something outside of self, as a more than with self as a less than from a starting point of being a tiny vulnerable human baby, that in reality is a value that can stand as that projection as what self is as life, here?

Within this, if someone suggests that self cannot stand in common sense, and understand here, that this is perhaps being arrogant, and ends the conversation at this point, it means here to slow down, to communicate, to walk what is directive within self honesty as common sense, to realize that that which was projected onto the “ father” as the figure is the capacity of self as life.

So, my objectifications of values into projections must be taken back into myself, and stood equal and one to and focused as a directive that realizes that the physical world is real, and as such something to be respected as life, which means that I must give as I would like to receive, as what is here is me, equal and one. 

Within this I sense a resistance as though this is arrogance. How odd. And then this fear that being this will mean that I will become alone and that the changes within standing as this, will mean a loss, but the alternative as limitation is not a choice. And that people who are reactive are in essence bullying their limitations of which one must speak up about, even if the bullying continues - and lack of communication is a form of bullying! 

I mean, just look at the rhythm of our media, it exists as “ short attention span” sound bites of information. The very rhythm and meter of it is limited. Is this what we want? How many of us realize that humans are not the measure of their capacity to sense more consequence? And are we, even at our best, in full potential? No.

This is what became of me as I polarized myself into projecting values onto things outside of me, and denied myself equality to and as life, here, and instead became limited values within and as energy as beliefs, opinions and ideas as limitations to define me. This is where the memory of the thought, that one little thought accumulated and build a concrete ideological memory that began to direct me around seven years of age, and created myself as a mind consciousness system in separation from life, from my own gift of and as life, this ability to be here.

It is time to clean all of this up. There is no one to blame, they are all dead anyway. lol. And, self justification only perpetuates the cycle. So, the only choice is to get ourselves in the order of the gift of life, our sensibility as our common sense, equal and one to and as the physical world here.

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Day 487 Self Forgiveness on Thinking. What is thought?

Sometimes I allow myself , when moving through a point to procrastinate. It is that I am allowing the point to be HUGE and it is not.Once moving through a point, there is a sense of “ duh” so I realize that I am making it difficult. I can’t blame anyone but myself.

Today I asked myself. “ why did I need to think?” How could I see if I were thinking when perception is simply looking? How could I take in what was around me if I were thinking? Taking something in, in totality, needs only that focus, and anything distracting from that would diminish that process of taking something in. So, taking something in would need to come from silence, from nothing.

What  relief in a way, to not have to think, to not have to be prepared in some way to take something in. Thus, to really “see” would mean to come from a state of nothing, which means no thinking while looking. Thinking would, from a scientific standpoint, mean there is static within self as the movement of thinking, disrupting what was being taken in.

Note, that this does not mean, especially from where we have allowed ourselves to be, that we do not need to practice looking.

Ironically, we have televisions all around us telling us what to value, what to accept, what to think about. Which means that there is a lot of static around us, to disrupt looking. If we think of ourselves as a substance that would life , then a moment of silence may actually cause a moment of real seeing. In a hierarchy that would not be cool, because it would disrupt this.

But it is us, all of us that is allowing this constant thinking, this constant “ thinging” around us. Is this because we are afraid to see, we are afraid of the silence? And, this silence is how to see because it is nothing/no thing, which means clearing the mind to take in that which is something - as an expression in totality.

I mean, just look at how a piece of music can rapidly change a mood, disperse a hang-up on an emotion and alter the listener’s state. So, an emotion can change. Well, if one became silent in the face of emotion, would this be like starting again, in a moment, to register what is here from nothing, to stabilize in seeing, to clear the emotion,, and as this to correct what caused the emotion, to realize what would start again as a correction to a state of seeing, a state of ease, without the chaos, the static of thinking as holding a belief as an emotion? Is this not the way to correct an emotion to forgive that emotion back to ease, which is back to participation within self direction and self honesty with the life around us?

Any of us can realize that we cannot participate in our day, when we are hung up on an emotion. or over excited, such always leads to “ missed moments” and we regret that we were being so emotional. This especially happens within relationships. We later regret what was said and done and realize that we were selfish with our emotions and did not slow down and take the time to equalize in understanding with the other, and solve what was causing the conflict.

Our media uses this to distract from what is happening with political decisions, as we are all caught up in some soap opera of judgements, the workings of self interest are moving behind this curtain of emotional drama. So, those workings in self interest can say to all of us, we hid nothing, it was right here in plain day, in plain sight - lol and we were all in drama sight/emotional judgement sight - a thin veil really, so we cannot blame the system. As within so without. We cannot ask the system to change, because it is us. The many that can somewhat read, must change this, which means anyone on the internet. 

Thus, in so many ways, what desteni is saying we all know. We are just being that person within that storm of emotion, not having gotten to the other side, slowing ourselves down, to equalize in understanding to bring ourselves out of the static and correct to understanding where the discord stops and the ease within the communication within the relationship returns, the silence, where two people ( in this example) feel at ease with one another. And that is probably the most fun one can have, that ease with another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take thinking seriously.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to thinking within, and without seriously, as in believing that what another thinks defines me, or is the end all be all of what I am or what is real as what is here as life as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I think I am creating something, thus I forgive what I think as defining me until I can slow myself down to the point where I am ease within and as myself within becoming silent as in having no thought, as this is myself here, able to take in without expectation, without judgement, without fear and as such this is myself able to take in what is here in totality as thinking would limit my perception to accept what is here in totality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that taking in the words of someone, accepting the words of others where such words cause a movement within and as me, as thought would mean that correction has not been reached as in understanding to the point of being at ease, thus within this, to not allow another to speak or answer, to discuss and resolve is a crime against life, a from of bullying in self interest.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to with every breath, to slow myself down and look without thought to see what is here in totality, to thus not react to what comes to me in the form of value judgement - as in comparison, fear of loss, desire for gain - as such within and as me, is not myself able to see in totality from a point of silence , from which I can only make a decision about what is best for all, because I must slow down and look, sense what is here in order to be able to direct myself within respect for all life, for all that is here as including the physical world as being as much life as what we humans have been lead to believe, accepted, as the mind, an alternate reality as being more than the physical, and within this to realize that what is the truth is hidden right in front of us,  thus I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become silent within and as me, as a state of ease, to realize that all things here must be sensed when directing myself here, which is to begin from a starting point of respect for everything that is here as me as life, because it is everything that is that one something that allows me to be an expression as life, here, thus it is for me to silence myself as nothing to see everything and to respect all that enables me to be here as something.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that something outside of me has caused me to have lost something, when all I need do, is silence myself and breath and accept all things, including the physical, to bring myself into directing myself within and as what is best for all here, this which would allow a state of ease as life, as myself to be, and as such, if created for all one earth would allow life to begin within and as realizing that it is ourselves as being something from nothing that is expression of life which cannot exist as long as the static - so to speak- of judgement exists as thinking, because thinking is being stuck reading a picture as a secondary image taken of here, and cannot be the total sensing of the formation of life as the physical which must be done in every moment from silence, as such we cannot fathom because we are all so caught up with the something as the clutter as mind and so addicted to this, as ourselves fearing to simply not fear loss. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I can lose something. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I am an emotion as a fear of loss, I am not one and equal to myself at ease, in silence, myself being here and as such equal to everything, which includes the actual physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i need to think.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a thought

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my thought must be in accord with what is best for all, for the silence and ease of myself as life to exist, here, as this is myself from nothing to something as everything, of which I can only be as, as the part that i am here as existence for which I am thankful for all the other parts, as without the other parts that are me as life here, I would not be the part as me , here, as the composition of the parts create the whole, and as this, this is the real roller coaster - so to speak - as the joy of life, which is each part working together as the whole, in equality and oneness here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have separated myself from life into and as thought here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i have been hurt, mistreated and unloved, as idea within and as me, as this is the same that I have been given, which is idea of more than and less than, this pain as me is myself having accepted judgement, as this is myself having moved as fear of loss, of which I denied myself, myself as life, having not silenced myself as mind, to  move from a point of silence, a point of ease, to accept all things and respect all things and direct myself in consideration of all things to direct myself here in equality and oneness, meaning realizing the physical world is all things too.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to reject the physical as being less than what is in and as my mind as thought. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that I was taught as a child, to give as I would like to receive, and as such, when I began to judge the physical I was not in effect giving as I would like to receive because I was rejecting the physical world in all its expression and allowing one thing to be more than another, instead of looking at everything as the physical and realizing that the value was life, where not one physical thing was more than another.

Thus, ‘When and as I  find myself full of thought, and thus in separation from here, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see , realize and understand that unless as mind I am silent, as in being equal to the starting point of here, I am no longer in sense without judgement.

When and as I find myself believing that I am more than or less than another I see, realize and understand that  I  am not moving here within and as solution as that which is best for all here.

When and as I find myself feeling overwhelmed, I stop and I breath and I walk myself through the belief that what is here is too much, or too difficult to walk through and I see realize and understand that I can only walk one thing at a time, and that allowing the focus of myself onto the knowledge and information only , in and as my mind, I am distracting myself from being in common sense, walking practical steps as how being physical means and does,  and I put myself back on track, through realizing equality and oneness with and as the physical , here.