Day 697 The separation from existence in the resistances to the real story.

The separation from existence in the resistances to the real story.

I can see when I resist. I can see this because I fear telling the real story, and instead I hold onto the lie. I know when I lie because I resist the real story. I see this when I react, whenI suppress expression as a movement when I fear losing a friend, or losing a job, or losing being accepted by a group of friends. My motivations as what I allow to direct me, in every move I make, reveal what I resist, and where I fear being clear. This absence of ease, and the tension of fear are me knowing where I am not telling the real story.

Yesterday I was with a friend and we sat for a moment looking at the roaring ocean, A man came and stood on the hill in front of my car, becoming a part of what was in the previous moment only a view of the ocean. My friend became annoyed and started to complain about that man having to stand right there in that moment.

This man moved away, and another man came and stood in the same spot. My friend suddenly said. ‘ Huh, I was so annoyed by that other man, and yet this man is not bothering me at all”

This friend of mine has had a stroke and is now trying to reclaim movement in the half of his body that has become paralyzed from the stroke. I have to ask myself why we begin to self monitor when something has gotten to the point of devastation in our lives. Why do we begin to look at our reactions to things, our lie-by-omission stories within, that are filled with resistances about and towards things in the world around us that are the same ‘ dust’ as us. 

This moment  revealed that we are aware of our resistances. It shows how our resistances to things - and ideas can be things -  we can realize in the very movement within ourselves.  We reject things, we push them in the form of blame and spite, our voices laced with irritation and anger, onto objects around us.  This act, of sound, really has only the power we give to it. It cannot touch us, unless we accept it. At times, we can use this, accept such dramas to detract attention away from ourselves, or into another subject. We use this to wind a way towards our own justifications for doing the same. It happens in many measures, with many colors of emotion. The shades of grey of spite and blame; an act of labeling without realizing the real potential within everyone. This means being a mis-use of a capacity to absorb measure and create with it. 

We spend our lives in such bubbles of ignorance until what we resisted accumulates and effects our bodies and the world around us, as a lack of our real potential is a kind of extinction of life. This is hidden in plain sight in our behaviors, as what we blame and spite, because projections of ideas about things onto others, objects and things is us resisting what is real as the physical world around us. We can realize this in those moments we spite and blame. This is not taking responsibility for one’s self, and being here, accepting the life around us that is what it is in plain sight.

Given that the math of what we accumulate within, effects what comes after, as the biblical math explains, what we allow as a sound within ourselves, lacking in real substance, as it is a house divided against itself,  what we believe and what we sound as a measure, as a belief, opinion or idea, if it is of resistance, it accumulated within us, and is passed down. From generation to generation we sound forward our self interest, effecting those to come. Because generation is what is generated/voiced/accepted, we give this to our children in the genes. If there is an order lacking in self responsibility, our children inherit our resistances. Or, our children inherit our lack of self monitoring, the degree of which is equal to the degree of spite and blame, as projecting name calling and label making about things and others. 

This can accumulate into dyslexia, and compound into ADD and ADHD, and autism. The drugs to control this, cannot remove this, and can even compound it some more, yet in the end this is what has been accepted and allowed. We can all see this, we all know this. It does and can get to the point of running on empty.  It can reverse itself, revoice itself, as each of us as well.  And it is done in the same manner as my friend. We ask ourselves through questioning our reactions to things, realizing where we resist. We realize the metaphysical resistances to and towards the things in our world within ourselves.  We forgive them, we use the gift of sound, the gift of life, and we sound anew what we are within ourselves. We do this before that stroke, we do this before our children bear the consequence of what we sounded. And why, because blaming a child for not seeing directly, is not an act of seeing directly, it is more of the same that has a consequence of paralyzing the within, the body, that then has a long road to recovery.

It is time to discover ourselves as life. To discover through questioning our allowances. This is gifting ourselves self responsibility, to be able to stand in every moment, never carrying a lie, and standing equal and one to the potential of life within ourselves. Remember, we see what we do, we know- so great is our capacity to sense the world around us.

Day 486 Is our ability to sense the fabric of here suppressed? How do we read?

Sight reading (Photo credit: discopalace)

We need to read much faster, process at our natural ability to process just as I could read musical notes at seventeen, so should I have read words to see and realize the patterns of the words, the form of them just as I noticed forms of music, so I can see that lack of development that is going on, and realize that the inability of people to read must be designed to be such, because it is known and practiced differently in other areas of development. We are distracted from the very fabric of here, through impulse of limited design. Really an avoidance tactic within each that has manifested without.

And I have not wanted to say this because of fear that this will be considered some kind of conspiracy, but the fact is, is that humans can process symbols at greater speeds than the majority are taught to process them at. So, this really is a crime against life. A form of suppression is to slow down conceptual ability and occupy with less dimension, we call this being superficial. A facade of limited parts.

I would not consider myself as more intelligent than another, and not stupid either, because when I have taken the time to learn something eventually I learn it, because that’s what a human can do!

Thus, the ability of men to read is deliberately being diminished. Just look at what we are  capable of seeing when we look, we look out at nature and we can see the shapes of the world and we can process this, and we can learn to read this, the ability of us, just as with animals is to see what is before us, we just need to look.

So, we have a society that feeds numerous images at us. If we look at the content of these images we can see that they are very very very limited, and that there is all this drama around them in the form of music and the rhythm at which the images flash, all of this a stimulation. How is this done, with tempo, with colors, with music, and buried within all this fan fare is a very limited set of signs as pictures. So one could say that the language presented, if we see pictures as language - in some respect a compound one- our language has become of few symbols and though the speed appears to present more, the content is less.

If we had the time to stand back we would see the patterns and how these patterns begin to turn us into automatons of limited knowledge and information.

And yet, by the time I was seventeen I could sight read many many many notes at a time, and within this read tempo and texture as adding percussive elements, and see rise and fall of phrase and as such shape. And even here, I started later than many, those who started at two years of age who could do what I did at seventeen at say seven. Which means that so many are denied this capacity, and as we see in our schools and what media impulses, what exists is actually purposely slowing us down and at the same time rushing in a limited dialogue, and all in self interest. The problem here is that we are all allowing this, we know something is amiss, we are not stupid, we are stupefied by our own accepted volition.

Time to wake up and become life.

Economically, we are all caught in survival, this thus, must change. Support a Living Income Guarantee so we can all stop, forgive our separation and begin an organized process of walking ourselves into our full capacity as humans beings on a physical planet. 

Day 71 Life or sympathetic longing-for ? memory. You decide.

Day 71 Life or sympathetic longing-for ? memory. You decide.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want a family

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have these feelings of longing to have a family.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that I am somehow missing something because I do not have this system perfect picture presentation of having a family, with a nice house and a green lawn, and two cats, and a dog, and children in the yard.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this is my mind with a picture presentation of what a family consists of and exists as, and if I look closely at this I realize it is not what is real that having a family in this world is filled with stress and worry about money.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that this desire for a family is based on an idea and nothing else, as there are many ways to live in this world and having a  system picture perfect family is not the only way in which to live.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that this idea of a family is based on my past, where, in worry about my future and an aspect of facing change, I project images of this past into and as my future , taking moments from the past connected to emotional and feeling energies and project them to imagine what my future will be and become, not realizing that I am existing as a limited idea of what is real, a partial idea of what is reality and that there is much more to reality than this limited design of existence picture, and that in the process of existing in and as my mind - which many of us are not even aware of because this has become habit- I am not present here, one and equal with the physical, where in allowing mind imaginings, I actually separate myself from what is here and miss out on the gift of life that is here as this physical world that which supports me as life, which if one starts to think about this, is like not having lived.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that in wanting the image in and as my mind, I am judging everything that is of life that is here , that is what supports me, because it is not fitting what I have in my mind.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this picture in my mind is one dimensional and superficial and has no physical sensations in and as common sense, it is in fact all an alternate reality “dreamscape,” I have been existing as my whole life, as the children begin to have this already in the third grade, and thus have a hard time reading which the system has labeled as ADD and ADHD and then makes a profit selling ritalin , where it is known that these psychotrophic drugs merely suppress the allowed separations from life which must eventually come out, and will just put off the problem to another day, and meanwhile the child is not learning to be here and solve problems and be self directive.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to  realize that this memory I have of sunlight coming into a room and shining on a wood floor with a child crawling across the floor is from my past, where there is a feeling memory of being at peace, safe and secure with my child as a baby, where what is attached to this memory is this feeling of security and peace, and within my present environment I face changes and thus in fear of change, I imagine a time of peace and security.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that within this there is a longing, and this longing has no clear definition, thus in actual fact it is an alternate reality mirage, where here in this actual physical world I fear facing the future, where I exist in a system that does not support me as life, yet I am on a planet, a physical world that is the actual real source of support as what i am here, and this actual self within this real tangible physical world has given me  life unconditionally, and yet the system that is here has placed labels of ownership all over this physical world, and placed images all over this physical world as what I should be and exist as, which as we can see what mind images do, is myself being owned which I accepted and allowed, all of which I support through participation and acceptance and allowance and all because I fear standing up as my self as life, directing myself as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand what has been accepted and allowed on this earth that is in fact an atrocity.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that living within and as memories is disrespecting the gift given which is this physical world, a world that gives of itself freely, and thus  ownership and control of resource distribution by a few in the guise of developing a nation, is an absolute crime against life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my desire to have a family is actually insane, because i have had a family, and what am I supposed to do, long for a family for the rest of my life?

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that having a family within this present system is actually like being grounded for twenty years.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that I can’t remember every moment I spent raising my children, so where was I?

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that I have already figured out that I have been in my mind imagining a past memory as I face a change in my future, and thus, was I doing this in the past and this is why I can’t remember every moment of my time spent raising my children?

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I have probably spent much of my life in and as my mind, not being present here, one and equal to this forgiving physical world, where I must ask myself where I had been, and what “being in mind images” is in fact? where I can’t even remember what mind imaginings I was existing as that occupied me to the point where I can’t remember every moment of raising my children, so where was I, and have I lived a life in fact?

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that I can’t remember my life in detail, the mind imaginings and the actual physical reality in absolute detail, thus I have not in fact lived, I have allowed and accepted myself to exist as a mirage, and just as a mirage my life has been spent in illusion and as existing as this it is no wonder there is no explanation within this system to explain the existence of suicide.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to ask myself,  what might I have accomplished if I had been here in every moment?

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not ask myself why the human is existing as this?

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to wonder if this is happening to the children who are labeled as ADHD and ADD, and maybe if I ask one of them what they did yesterday, I will find that they will either tell me a story of what DID NOT happen, or they will not remember, and thus I will see realize and understand that the children of this world are already, at a tender young age not in fact present , one and equal to this physical world, this world, this earth that gives to support life unconditionally, and yet some believe they can own what is here, and thus rape what sustains from under the feet of men and animals and plants.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that I am one and equal to what is here, to all that is of this earth, this that supports myself, even as I exist in separation from this earth in a mirage where I can’t even remember the details of my life, and actually only have limited memories that have emotional and feeling attachments in which  I wallow and thus, I am not here, and thus I have not lived with what is real, this physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that something has been lost because I no longer have the picture perfect image of a family, a wife with a husband, beginning to walk into their so called “golden years.”

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that it is not that having a family is right or wrong, it is that the family as it exists , exists as an idea of fitting an image, which is a directive from without, and the self as life is ignored, and the family as it exists in a system of inequality and belief in ownership of natural supportive resources causes a struggle to survive and for most of this earth a life of struggle to even have the basic necessities of life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there is no security until all are secure, and that real security on this earth means that I would not exist as hanging onto memories of a moment of supposed “feeling of security” as security would be a given and thus life would begin, where every moment lived would be remembered as it would be a moment of actual life, one and equal to this physical world and thus not a forgotten existence as a mirage as existing as imagination and memory is an existence of dissipation ( dis apply ing self in common sense of this physical world ) .

I commit myself to becoming one and equal to this physical world through writing, self forgiveness, and corrective application, where I become the living word, the same today, as yesterday and tomorrow, where I transcend through the eye of the needle .

I commit myself to realizing that anything promoted within a system of inequality, as what is so evident on this earth, cannot be trusted and that it is not the ingredients that are “bad or good” but a system that pits good against bad in order to profit, and thus does not support equality, where all that is of this earth is realized as the value, the value as life as what  it is.

I commit myself to realizing my memories of my past are singular and if I  really look at them they are just this - an image with an emotional/feeling attachment, where the emotions are the devil and the feelings are the angel, a distorting mirage in separation from what is real, this physical world, and that this “distorting mirage” is a cognitive dissonance  into and as polarities as more than and less than, all of which I have accepted and allowed , and what is used by a system of inequality that exists as a fear of loss, as the singularity of less than made huge causes instability  and a separation from what is supportive, and thus has the human become a zombie worshipping a false god - a god and a devil - where the two together are the original choice as one that is the separation as life from itself as equal and one as the substance of life in self direction and not a voice in the head pondering like the swing of a pendulum from one pole to the next.

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to Life

Earth's Journey to Life

Day 69 Unworthiness as reaction to Irritation

Day 69 Unworthiness as reaction to Irritation

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become reactive to irritation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take confusion and irritation, as cognitive dissonance personally.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to irritation and cognitive dissonance, where I looked only at the emotion of this behavior/response and reacted instead of realizing irritation as cognitive dissonance, where, as the word suggests, there existed a misunderstanding or deconstruction of belief, opinion and idea, and within this the irritation had only to do with a process of realignment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become reactive to discord, irritation, cognitive dissonance, to the point where all I looked at was the emotion and not the words being spoken and within this direct myself as what is best for all, meaning giving what was actually happening a directive within the principle of what is best for all: within this it is easy to see that a child does not have the verbal capacity and development to be able to realize that adult irritation is a limited mind in cognitive dissonance existing within values indoctrinated to survive within a system of inequality, a system of profit, which has been going on for generations.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become submissive within this, in self pity, that I had done something wrong, not realizing that I was creating a belief within myself that I was unworthy and unheard, when in fact all that existed, as indicated by irritation, was a cognitive dissonance that simply required a common sense directive within what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that all that was needed was to stop and breath, look in common sense of what is best for all, and use the capacity of myself here, as a human being, to realize a directive that is within the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to  realize that, as a child, I was not trained to do this, and instead taught the roles of a woman, to be submissive and to develop myself in accordance with what enabled my survival within a system of limited design to support a system of money usage for profit for a few instead of money/resource usage that support the value of life as this physical world as what is real.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that irritation is cognitive dissonance, and thus a moment where the mind must review what has been accepted and allowed as belief, opinion and idea, and deconstruct to include a new view point and that this can cause a moment of  disassociation from accepted and allowed patterns, where, within this, a direction can be given that is within the principle of “giving as you would like to receive” instead of what serves a profit based system that has caused an existence on this earth where many lack the basic necessities to live a life in dignity, thus is causing irritation  a natural consequence of changing the habits and beliefs that support a system of inequality, a system that is showing the human how ineffective it is in supporting life, with the amount of abuse to animal, plant, soil and human, manifesting as the rapid depletion of earth’s resources and unacceptable living conditions on earth at this time.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that I developed my own feelings and emotions of unworthiness, begun in childhood as I was not taught to direct myself within the principle of what is best for all, or taught that as a human I am capable of being trained to use my human physical body, to work in tandem with this physical world and develop myself in ways yet unknown with a system that dis-allows human development in favor of preparing humans through family, education ,media, to serve a system of profit for the few, evident in the frustrated behaviors manifesting on earth at this time, where people are killing their children, eating other humans, where soldiers are committing suicide and children are being bombed by remote control to allow a few to have control of earth’s resources, resources given unconditionally by this physical world to support life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that this pattern I have accepted and allowed is in this moment constricting my lower back and causing constriction to flow down into my legs as I fear speaking within and as my writing that I am somehow not speaking clearly enough, where I spin around in and as my mind looking for a way out and cannot find one, as my mind operates in singularities and cannot see what is best for all, which means I have become that which I fear.

I commit myself to breathing, to stopping the allowance of myself into and as fear.

I commit myself to realizing that fear is an energetic possession within my human physical body as myself in separation from myself where the only choice is to breath and direct myself within the principle of what is best for all.

I commit myself to realizing all images in and as my mind are showing me how I have separated from myself and thus are not real, only energetic possessions I am allowing to draw my attention away from what is physically here and real.

I commit myself to revealing that this is what is happening to our children where we label this as ADD and ADHD, where parents of these children take schools to court to demand a private/special education not realizing that it is the parent that has developed this very inability to focus on what is actually here as what the child exists as, and therefor in taking the schools to court, are the parents abdicating their responsibility and wanting a system - the very accepted and allowed system that is one and equal to the cause of the lack of focus in the human- to take responsibility for their child.

I commit myself to not allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am unworthy, and realizing that reacting to irritation and discord necessitates a corrective action within utilizing the principle of what is best for all, where practice in giving direction instead of allowing reactions as defense, spite, blame, insecurity, wanting to win,  and fear of loss are not an action of resolution to and towards the principle of what is best for all, the principle of giving as one would like to receive.

I commit myself to revealing that the method of operation within this present system, through media, family and education, suggests that the human is programmable, and thus the human is able to realize that this present system of inequality is not the natural state of life, as it needs constant broadcast to perpetuate it’s propagated desires, wants and needs, to support the few, and thus can this world be changed to a world that supports life, a heaven on earth.