Day 289 Fear of speaking Reaction dimension cont.

Fear of Speaking Reaction Dimension cont.
I was talking with someone and I went into a reaction with them. I had asked them a simple question and they reacted, then I reacted. I was in essence aggravated that they reacted, becoming accusatory without addressing what was asked, as addressing what was asked was not something wanting to be faced, it meant looking at what had beenaccepted and allowed, it meant then standing up and realizing what is here. So many times I have had such behaviors thrown at me, they are a bully in self defense, projecting indignation, which is what i become and am, I have set the tone and I am getting what I am “setting” within myself, a behavior I have allowed to become a habit, infearior to what is here, in fear because I cannot describe what is here, the space as the movement is not part of the vocabulary, the understanding of what is here is not realized, off goes a sense of vertigo, a physical sense of vertigo, and the means of sensing this is shut down, as judgement as mind has set in. There is no starting point of equality with me, I am too busy being angry, being infearior, being in fear, all behaviors of lack in common sense of here, all behaviors of running away from self as life, all behaviors of not wanting to give up the ghost of the machine, a belief that someone else will solve, an idea that somehow -as if my magic- things will work themselves out, an opinion that humans cannotchange things because of “ this being the way it is” or that a limited “nature” is in fact nature - this in itself ignoring that what is labeled as nature is life, and the life of the human is such despite the fact that children are not born with religion and speech and will imitate their environment, as is known with children raised in the wild by animals, known as feral children. There are so many strings of excuses and all of them the voice of denial, an excuse having no direction as it is an end game, a lack of conception, an expression of limited sense, thus it is just the voice of mimicking a dictate - like what a machine does, a machine is produced to perform a certain action, thus the giving up to a limited idea that things cannot change/transform/realize is a belief as a recitation of doctrine and thus a program, meanwhile what is fueling the voice of this? We are humans fueling the voice of this, and since we cannot replicate what we are - given what we do build as machines- how can we allow others to decide for us when they obviously have no real understanding of life? So, why do we have a system that is deciding that money determines who lives and who dies, within a lack of understanding this physical human body? Thus none of us is greater than, more than this actual physical world, and it is by far the greater, and we are taking this physical world and deciding who gets sustenance from it, we are deciding to take from it without consideration of life as this physical world. Instead of working with this physical world, we are working against it, we work against that to which we are inferior, while this physical world reveals itself, as we can know how t works, it is forgiving and revealing and transparent, we know what pollutes the waters, we know what causes dis-ease in cows, we know that we can work with the sun, etc. and yet we ignore this for the continuation of a profit based system. We know that usury does not work, Christ made this obvious , and even Hitler proved that getting rid of debt supported the people, and yet the presentation of Hitler is only of obviously unacceptable reactive behaviors  - not to say that it was a perfect system and a solution, but that the part as usury does not work, it creates economic slavery. Slavery is abuse, it is not developing/supporting life in all, as one as life, as equal. By focusing on what was bad ONLY and not looking at the parts that worked, as what was good, and having others in our world blow up the "bad" ONLY and bully this onto existence, is the development of confusion, of emotional reactions, unsupportive of life.
We/I have allowed the ghost of the machine to become god, and it is all illusion, as belief, opinion and idea, I am, when I become emotional, reacting to an illusion, the illusion built of a collection of ideas that are a limited composition of what is here, this is why it is seemingly confusing to realize self as life, because the elements of this composition are of life, they are simply broken into bits/bites, so I feel like I am attacking life, yet this is not the case. Break life into bits, spread this around, divide it between peoples as limited values made huge ( and notice I use the same practice as language LIMITED values) where the value is a part of life, thus not to be denied, yet when held onto as the only value, and made a dictate within the tool of the mind as imag-iner/image maker, then trying to suggest that this is something to “give up” is seen as a threat and ignorance, when what is trying to be said is that this is simply out of context of this actual physical world, meaning it is something that cannot be lost as it is here and can be lived and does not need to be placed within a tradition as a culture, as it is a part of this physical world. So, taking values out of context, as here, and carrying them around and defining oneself as them is warping reality, is distorting here, like magnification does, it distorts reality, it is like looking at another dimension that is here, yet within looking through the shaft of the lens of the magnification one is “distorting reality” - so to speak. And this is what the media is doing by plastering pictures of 15 - and even younger - girls/children all over the streets with pixels that create pictures and songs of “love”, this a separation from being in equality to what is real here. I mean taking a cow and forcing something other than what that cow is geared to eat, is going to make that cow sick, or that chicken sick if that chicken is forced to physically grow in distorted and warped ways in ignorance of the physical world, a world we cannot create as the knowledge and information we exist as. We are inferior to the physical world, and yet we act as though we are superior, and this, even if it were the other way- is inequality to life, as it is all life, here.
So what we have programed the mind to be, is a distortion of reality, and a few are profiting from this, as they themselves are a program of distortion. Thus must we for give ourselves back to this physical world in commons sense of what is best for all, as what is best for this physical world is best for us as we are one and equal in and as this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to speak in and as self interest infearior to here, to realizing and moving and living equal and one, in and as common sense of what is real as this actual physical world and how it exists, to see, realize and understand that the present system of inequality is an abusive distortion of reality, where the mind as image tool is made reality as this is a means of control in and as a separation from life, as being inferior to and as life as what we are here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become reactive to behaviors of life here, that are in separation of common sense of what is physically here, where the present system is a ghost as a machine of magnifying parts of this physical existence, that are of value, yet when placed conceptually out of context and followed as dictates the living existence of the human is no longer equal and one to and as life, in common sense of this actual physical world, this mind greater than physical existence a separation from a relationship of equality, meaning realizing here as the physical being equal and one, this equality being equal to and as life, here, as equality and oneness, in believing no one thing to be more than another, is the expression of and as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself not to see, realize and understand my own behaviors of separation from and as life, with and as every breath I take, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself not to see, realize and understand behaviors of separation within and without, where facing the fear as separation as survival management is lack of direction as life regulation in common sense of being one and equal to and as the physical world as earth, this separation manifest as emotions, thoughtsand feelings as energy polarized through judgements of more than and less than beliefs, opinions and ideas, that are fear of loss, leading to justification as positive feelings of pride, righteousness, needs used to define a positive state that is short lived indicating the lack of substance and sustain ability in expression of self as life, as such short lived desires lack an absolute purpose in and as the principle of what is best for all, as the being of self in separation from what is best for all is to be separate from the nature of life as being life absolutely, in totality, here, absolutely self honest, absolutely self directed, absolutely at ease, where the speaking of self is equal and one to and as here, as what is best for all can only be seen in common sense, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that a system of separation in and as bureaucracies determining life based on statistics on a piece of paper, within a system of profit, is the same structure without as the mind has become as the human within, where dictates are followed that try and fit a profit for the few onto reality, the physical warped into a an expression of profit as being a belief that parts of this physical world are of a more than, this being a god personification that by nature is a separation from equality and oneness as self as life, as the very substance that is equal and one in all that is here as earth, as this is life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the physical world as earth is the gift of life, here as all that is here is the very fabric in and as life, thus, blaming and spiting what is here is an act of ignorance, of protest for how here exists and thus a separation of self realizing self as the directive capacity in and as life, which means realignment into equality with this physical world, as this physical world being used to support all life in equality and oneness here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself as life, with every word I speak, to remain equal and one to fear within and without, to direct within and as what is best for all, without reaction as blame and spite, and to realize such behaviors within and to stop and to breath and to bring myself back to a state of ease, where nothing is taken personally, which everyone of us has experienced at one time or another in our lives, thus it is a question to ask oneself, “ why did I not react “that time” yet, i reacted “ this time?”
I commit myself to realize that I can slow myself down and recognize my own separations with and as every breath, at least to realize when I am allowing and accepting behaviors of separation in and as an emotional storm as energy as this being the signature of separation from myself as life, based on my past, enacting a projection of loss into the future, which means I have become inequality to and as life, and have no substantive ability to direct myself within and as self honesty.
I commit myself to breathing, and to walking the steps to equalize myself to and as life, to develop my own physical common sense in and as life, here which takes myself breathing and slowing down to become aware of the space here as life, every inch, every detail, which will take a process, as this has not been what was taught, as the very fabric of myself as life, is able to sense the very fabric of life here as the physical, in all common sense, as what real supposed god would have it any other way as life is the value.

Day 199 The ghost in the machine

I notice a character come up yesterday, making huge and being ghost like, an energetic expression of this failure belief, stuck in thoughts that there is no chance to “get through” to another, where I get stuck in this and go into bitterness and self blame, neither of which have anything to do with looking at what is here, realizing what is here, seeing the whole of what is here, as I stop within this emotion, as though emotion is a plug, a stop, a judgement, fixed, non moving, This seems to be a dominant issue with me. Even within the last days I realized that in baby pictures of myself I did not smile, and this was a comment often made about me in contrast to my twin sister, who was all smile in every baby picture.
A friend stopped by and was emotional about a change coming in their life. I realized they had built where they are in “doing the right thing “ in relation to their family situation. In relations with family.
We are all stuck within relations to family. This present system of inequality takes us into situations where we remain locked within family, to care for them, to needmoney for this, and then we remain so stuck in this and making a change where we realize our relationship obligations, built to ensure survival as being a support group. Again, it is not that this is good or bad, it is the forced use of this to define who we are. Think of a eulogy at a funeral; “ he was a good father, who went out and worked hard in his life to support his family, he was kind and gentle, always willing to listen. He loved gardening later in life, and grew many vegetables” or something life this. A funeral speech is about the past and what the person did, all wrapped up in a pretty picture. We hold memories more dear than life, and most of the time when we talk about this world and what is going on in our lives, it is a complaint about the system, as what “so and so did” or what is happening within the movement or non movement as this present system. Yet, when we talk about memories - or old times it is really the same. Only complaining about what exists and escaping into another “good” time. Nostalgia as entertainment. If we are running around complaining and alternately being nostalgic, the negative and the positive, all being of self in distance to what is actually here, really stopping and looking at the form of the structure of the present system and the consequences there of. I mean why are we being, and or needing, nostalgia? And why are we distancing ourselves from not looking at the totality of the present monetary system when we have even one complaint? This is why the parts are not Bad or good as themselves, being a good father is not bad, it is being this without realizing the totality of this system, it is making the fears of survival huge, it is making fear huge and hiding it behind limited personifications. Just look at the limited characters in movies and media expressing sex and power play, but no real expression, as varied as what exists within a handful of soil. One could say it is the lack of variation that is becoming the death of life.
Both things are based on a fear of a loss of self, one monetarily and the other for an idea of a “better time” or an e-motion - as a feeling of some kind of meaning as idea that in contrast to the more negative emotion seems like a relief - and it is really just a memory, like we are placated by a ghost of the past, and that ghost of the past as memory, is based on an idea of something “good”in relation to what is here that is frustrating. Like a movie within a movie within a movie, where each consecutive movie/story is watered down to a more limited picture; this being a propagated inner division of self as insight, and the layers of this consume until one dies looking like a dried up piece of dead skin. Which is in effect what happens to the human. And it is happening to the earth too.
This is why there can only be here, as here is what exists can be seen, the actual structure of this present monetary system, here is where self expresses self, interacts and deals with. Complaining is looking at a part only, the immediate one that is scared being here and able to take care of oneself as life, where the immediate person or “law” determines movement. This physical world is the real movie - so to speak- it is the gift of physical play. The mind is the separation, is the illusion and it has become so big, we believe it to be real.
Is the past going to change this system? The form of the present system is here, and it is not supporting life. Addiction to the past as memories as nostalgia is not going to see HERE. The morality of supporting family only is not going to see here.
So this character that game up, this ghost like presence as an emotion, based on past events of belief that some kind of failure existed, and if I look these failures are based on self interest, as an idea of wanting to win- even within being a savior - as in believing something was lost in translation, meaning communication, where I feel bitter that I was not understood, and if I look within this ghost and the story it cries it is lost in a little tiny “pixilated” judgement, which is why it is so thin and ghost like. It must be brought back to self to look at what is here and to see the total consequences of this system and realize that one can move, in and as a physical being here, direction as in looking at what is here can exist. Thus investigating this system and how it functions can exist. That drama on television will exite frustration and then get nostalgic in terms of a feel good seeming resolution, but it is only a ghost life movement of resolution and not an actual physical structure of resolution in totality. It is like candy for the mind, moving from the negative as emotion to the positive as feeling. All within a morality in separation from this actual physical world. Why would a system of inequality present anything on a television that would actually stop frustrations and abuse on this earth? Or even show what is happening? It would not.
The people carry the debt and the risk, the private sector gets the profits. Insanity. And war, a tool of conflict and friction creation is a supposed economic mover. Yes, in relation to allowing a private sector conquest and control resource, and placing the burden on the non owners as the people.
This ghost of mine is a storm in a teacup, and war on earth is the storm on this earth, this grabbing /raping of resource where self as life is not faced as what is real, and physically here, able to learn and understand this physical world, able to share what is here to support life. It really is such a “thin” thing to walk through and understand, it is only the fears made huge that seem real, but they are not.
So, with my ghost friend I must realize that it is the servant to this system of inequality that limits insight into and as life, as what I have accepted and allowed in fear of loss without any real development within understanding here in totality, where as a child what surrounded me was the same, and thus there was no place to go but into the storm. to take on the ghost of a morality in separation from realizing this physical world is real, that life is the value and that inequality with life as the value is built of ideas, opinions and beliefs in service to ignorance of life, these ideas being that one “cell” as one human can control this physical world, where in fact it is a collection of cells that built the structure of this physical world, and it is these cells that work in tandem that create this actual physical world. Thus there is no more than and less than, there is only here, where not one part rules, as all parts are simply an expression of themselves as life, as a form of life.
So my little “friend” as my ghost, as my demon, carrying self pitying emotions and placating feelings which are from the same starting point of separation must “grow up” into the tree of life as myself as the physical to be here , brought back to here, as self here, to realize life here. Breathing, in and as this physical body, to remain here.
This is my within separation from what is actually physically here, my own survival persona, and the present system of war as economic motivator is this without. There is no need for war, for destruction between the cells of this earth as the human, it is unnecessary and unacceptable, what is here is to support life, to allow life. This war driven economy is not based on what earth is as an eco system of life, sharing, working together, realizing all cells are equal in that they are life, and that in order for this earth to function all must work/be/express as what they are, and in being this, life will be supported. The answer, in all simplicity is right in front of us as what we are.
Forgiveness of this character of futility will follow.

Desteni

Equal Money

Eqafe  

Free Eqafe Interviews

Journey To Life

Heaven's Journey To Life

Creation's Journey To Life

Earth's Journey To Life

Documentaries

Day 128 Wanting to belong.

Day 128 The character of wanting to belong

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to belong to anther person

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to belong

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be in longing

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the stories and images of the mind are a line of separation in that they are of wanting to belong to something in a belief that one is lost, one is in separation from being, as one is not being, one is being a longing for in and as the dream as the pictures in and as the mind.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the limitations of the mind, as beliefs, opinions and ideas, a construction of singularities, is the divider into a partial existence where a sense of what one belongs to, the physical, is separated and thus the illusion of separation is all that the action of the mind, as image, is, made so huge within a system of conditioning fear, as inequality, as survival and competition, that what is created is combat instead of oneness and equality to what it is that we are as who we are, where the separation is into a fantasy as mind as imagery and not a sense of what is actually physically here, thus the illusion is of needing to belong, as we are here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting to see, realize and understand that I came into this earth, as a child all ready to belong to this physical world and yet the directives that were taught were of separation into and as ideas, beliefs and opinions that separated instead of directed myself into and as myself as all as one as equal, as awareness of life, that which I am, and thus that which I am one and equal to.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the dream of longing is just that, a dream, an alternate reality, a separation, used within a profit based system to divide and conquer life so that a few may live their dreams in comfort while another third of this world starves and another third barely has enough to sustain themselves and exist in a state of physical diminishment all of which is a crime and ignorance of life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that should I walk the desteni i process, I will begin to see, realize and understand that the imagery in and as the mind, of a desire to belong, an imposed want, I will realize that I am humpty dumpty and it is only I who can put the pieces back together again, the am I aware that I have created myself in pieces and am separate from the whole as myself as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I am a beggar of my own doing, in allowing and accepting the images of the mind as what is real, and thus become a beggar in a world of abundance, where this longing is the illusion as what is here is life as the substance of what I am, and thus I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in separation and thus only need forgive myself back to myself as life, as what is here, as what is real.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that thoughts, emotions and feelings are my separation and not my directive as life, and thus, must I speak the words of forgiveness and self correct what I have accepted and allowed, to realign myself back to myself as life, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand , that I am here.

I commit myself to breath.

I commit myself to realize my separations are nothing to fear, as they are myself here.

I commit myself to removing my survival suit composed of thoughts, emotions and feelings, a suit unnecessary, a suit that is the construction into and as separation from myself as life, and to bring all of my emotions, thought and feelings back to myself, to actually stand naked as life, here, one and equal to life as what I am here, as what life is, within the principle in alignment with life, the principle of “give as you would like to receive.”

I commit myself to becoming a reed sounding life, the principle of oneness in equality, here.

Related articles

• Day 125 Hiding from Contradiction
• Day 101 The character of the dreamer.
• Day 116 this is myself in and as hope and not life.

Day 123 Addiction as Behavior

Our behavior can take and idea and place a belief that a certain behavior is the solution to resolve what we are feeling/behaving.

In essence this is not looking at the feeling or emotion, this is feeding the feeling or emotion, into a believed “plug” as a behavior that is how this behavior is mitigated.

This can create behavioral patterns.

Why would a pattern exist? Why have a pattern? A pattern would assume a repetition, a repetition would mean something is repeated and thus not/never resolved. 

We know our cows are dying after about 4 years in these factory farms, and we know they can live, and do live longer lives when not placed in these conditions. So, why do we allow this? why do we accept what we are allowing and accepting, as humans, being and having, when it is not what is healthy for the cow, and not healthy for us? We know that ecoli becomes abundant in cows in factory farms - unless one does not research and read and find out what is here that tells us why what is here is happening, and or take the words of another who has investments in not revealing the totality of a situation. Might have to change and that is scary for the one invested, but healthy for everyone else. The flaw of a profit based system with secondary representation. The two do not work together within a law that says a corporation must make a profit. It will lead to Peter taking from Paul, which is exactly what is happening. Africa is a good example, and John Perkins explains how this is done in one stage in his telling of himself being an economic hit man.

It is how countries like Greece are turned into concession stands, to ensure Peter perpetually takes from Paul. Behavior, we the human have accepted and allowed.

As the debt grows so will the abuse, as we, the human will this in not realizing the placement of survival within a system of money representing resource, governed by secondary voicing and decision making within a law that a corp. must make a profit. One can only take everything, after a while, and divide it endlessly to create perpetual profit making, where the same governors can then ensure that they have a bigger piece of the pie.

If you were one of the governors in such a system, you would do the same. If one cannot beat them, then join them, to survive. Then spew a belief that the thing that supports the behavior of this that it cannot change. Placate within another learned pattern of behavior, give something when the not-haves become restless, or say you do not understand why they are bearing arms. Because they want to survive. This was said in some article, so blatantly stupid. And this was a head of a company. Incredible.

It has been going on for so long, even those who are reaping from such benefit are ignorant of their own behavioral patterns. Thus has we, along the way cultivated ignorance.

On a micro level the same thing happens. I have some myself. I tend to, when I am upset, want to run to a male. I know my father took more care of us as small children, as my mother preferred older “people,” she did not like changing the diapers etc. Supposedly, I can’t remember this, just a couple of images, but I remember the stories about this.

So, when I am upset, I tend to want the “ear” of a man. Now, this is a behavioral pattern, an addiction to a one way only behavior, what I must have when I am being within a certain emotions of feeling, or what I am accepting and allowing myself to be and have as what I am here as an expression within my environment.

I know women who will go to other women. I actually don;t generally do this, not to say I have never done this, but, here another pattern I have comes up, with women I tend to listen to them, or - on a side- compete with them. Here I am finding this list can go on and on…. Thus, I am a walking behavioral pattern. Which begs the question, when am I real? when am I actually here in practical expression with what is here and not a re-action as a pattern as a perpetual motion of sameness that is obviously something unsolved?

In school are we taught to see patterns and then understand why the pattern exists, or do we just see the pattern. I know in math, in elementary school, seeing the patterns within the numbers is not even developed. I spent some time with a class for about three weeks and had them skip count as practice every day. Then we practiced some form. At the end when we tested their improvement was 60% greater than the other classes. And I was shunned. Because, the principle had to deal with the patterns of fear as jealousy that a new teacher had achieved more than the old teachers. I had stepped outside of a pattern, my being and having was not of an accepted and believed pattern. And the people reacting could not even see their own acceptance of this pattern in their behavior. And all the principle would see was the behavior coming at her, and she did not want to make decisions and deal with it. And no one asked me what I did to do this. I was just playing with trying to add a spatial depth to what was being taught. I even went and asked a local man who was a math person with a degree from MIT if this was an effective approach and he said yes, he even said there was not enough of this being done in the schools. So, we can see how we the human, are so caught up in our behaviors, we no longer see our own patterns and even run from our patterns without looking at what we are doing. We choose to placate the behavior instead of realizing the behavior is the cause of the lack, and the solution to the “lack” is right in front of us. But that governor, wants taking from Peter to pay Paul to continue, so they have a vested interest in maintaining ignorance and thus abuse - as with the cow- and so, we the human are the cause of the flood of abuse that exists on this planet through our ignorant acceptance of behavioral patterns. Interesting that the word be-ha-vioral, like being viral, like being a virus. We are the cause of our own viruses, just as the confined cows are developing viruses and bacterias that are not resolved as they would naturally in nature, and have become so strong they end up in bean sprouts, where we the human, actually believe that the bean sprout is the cause, as we no longer have any perceptual depth. A product of not seeing consequences, not seeing that the perpetuation as a pattern of behavior.

Back to my own accepted and allowed patterns. 

So, If I have been developed to be a certain kind of magnification I would only be able to see through a certain lens - so to speak. If I cannot see at other magnifications, I would not see what exists. Seeing patterns, realizing patterns of like this. standing back and seeing the whole is a “certain magnification.” So, if we are taught to only see certain magnifications than we will not be able to see our own patterns. But there are ways to adjust our means and ways of perception, and one is walking the desteni I process, because ‘turning that dial” of magnfication , a SET  magnification, will cause resistance, and tiredness and friction and emotional outbursts as oneself is having to change a pattern, an entrenched ( for profit) pattern. Imagine having to physically change a trench dug on this earth, it would take an effort to change this, and on the inside, as the patterns of behavior accepted and allowed by the human, within, are not different. At first glance, as we/you/I am it is very easy to think that you are not this, but take a closer look because this exists on this earth as the human, if it did not then this world would not exist as a flood of abuse because what exists would have been looked at and changed, meaning “looking and reading what is physically and actually here and what is actually happening and existing, would not be what it is. Know thyself. I suggest to walk the Desteni I Process, because seeing you own patterns yourself is not so easy, it takes the reflection of others to change that lens that has been set on one point of a dial.

So, if I run to a certain being and having to express what I am being and having as emotion and feeling, then I am within an addiction, I want the addition of a dictation to my experience here as my self, of what is not resolved, and instead of looking at the cause of the behavior, I am trying to find a platform to play out the behavior only. I am not being self responsible and realizing why this pattern is ( and even that it is) happening again and again. In fact, I will receive a badge as a label of “being” a certain character/personality, like, “ she needs a man to talk to.”

or “she likes men” or “she needs a father figure.” This is a behavioral pattern.

But what of the issue as cause with reaction of wanting a set audience?

Why do I need this? I actually do not need this, I just believe I need this.

In believing I need this I place a secondary picture on top of the issue and chase the picture as idea, belief or opinion, instead of looking at the issue, like I have been trained to be the secondary reaction instead the the primary resolution, a solution as myself, in other words. And the present system does not allow primary solution, as this would mean realizing the greed and abuse that exist are in fact unacceptable and lacking in and common sense, and that change is possible.

My own reactions as patterns of behavior are where I have not looked at my own fears, not stood up and faced what is here, what is real, where I have not been self responsible, where I am choosing ignorance and responding as what is best for all, as I would also have to face where I abdicated self responsibility as life as the nature of myself as life for self interest in fear of losing something I believed to be real, or believed defined myself here, a relationship in separation from what is best for all as relationships made in separation of what is best for all create abuse, and the abuse will not go away, and will only compound as it is irresolute of what is best for all and thus does not support life. This is a monster , and it follows us around until we take it back to self and realize our separations as abuse of life, where we as life, are what is best for all, thus there was never any need for separation, and thus there is no need for suffering, even if being told that there is a purpose to suffering as god’s will, does not give it sense, as one cannot sense if one is in dis-ease, as it takes self as life, in and as ease to be here, as this is ease.

So, my mother was here, giving all the labels as beliefs, as to what my behaviors are etc. I am following a guru, I am not longer her daughter, meaning i belong to her and i am her daughter and I need to respect this! Meanwhile she cannot explain anything about what i am doing, not one word. The secondary ideas as beliefs and opinions taught are all that I am being told. Generalizations that bear no witness to what is actually being said. How can I become angry towards words being spoken that show no witness, and are only generalization and thus patterns of belief, that are judgements that - once again- bear no witness? I can’t.

Yet, within and as me, a fear was there, not so strong. This was the mother that used a paddle on me as a child, and a fear of this paddle was ingrained and thus I accepted the patterns to survive the paddle. A fucking paddle. Which is probably how she in her turn accepted the magnification required to survive, the sins of the fathers.

Curious how intrenched our separations as behaviors are so magnified, it has to be taught, as a young child does not have then, thus the paddle. I have turned the dial, and the reaction within a belief is not as strong, yet there is more turning to do. Turning the dial will mean losing relationships of separation from what is real, life here. Thus what is lost appears as loss, but what is gained is an awareness of life. In the beginning is desteni it was said that all will be lost yet everything will be gained. The abuse that exists on this earth needs to be lost, as it is not a gain, and this is what is being said, to not realize this is criminal, as this is un-acceptable what exists.

After this outburst, I wished, desired, etc. to have a man to talk to, but I stopped myself, as this was my self wanting support within what I was accepting and allowing as my own habituated behaviors, my being and having within relationships that were in separation from what was here based on a history of separation where what was best for all, as myself as life, was not allowed to speak, and paddled into secondary relationships. But now it is time to stand up as myself as life, as what is best for all, as there is no other solution but to face my own at most fear/personality/character.

Bring yourself back to life. Lose everything to gain everything.

Desteni I Process

Equal Money

Self Perfection Products that are Free