Day 116 this is myself in and as hope and not life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as the desire to have a partner within existence.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel sad that I do not match the picture as an idea in and as another, where the idea as idol as image is  not real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to connect self intimacy with an image as what my parents lived as what I watched as a child, the intimacy between then, which they fought about, as this intimacy was lost and perpetually sought to relive, where there was no real intimacy in and as life, just a struggle to relive this again and again, each blaming the other for the lack of this, not seeing , realizing and understanding that a system of inequality breeds stress and abuse to separate through an existence of pressured survival.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being intimate with myself, to believe that self intimacy is somehow “not right” where if I am intimate with myself as life, I am thus intimate with life, here, being one and equal with myself as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I do not know what self intimacy is in fact, when I am life, and thus this is here, as me, one an equal to me, where I stop looking at the screen of the mind and become one and equal to myself as life here, that which is here, that which is the directive here, as me, so obvious in its common sense that there is no death to fear as death is life, as death cannot exist without life, thus death is life., where death is only “death” as we know it as we die without self intimacy as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to self realize my own separations as my "following" self, which I must bring back to myself here, equalize to myself as life, back into and as life, to never allow such separation to exist again.

I forgive myself for  allowing and accepting myself to have the presence as an image of a man and a woman coupled together in intimacy, which is not an image as what is found in hard core porn where the man pumps, but an image of simple standing torso union, with hands held close within the chest area as a symbol of intimacy without heavy rough fucking.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not remember when I was at an in-laws house and there was a new drawing on the wall of two people within the pose described above and I kept staring at this picture and wondering why such an image had suddenly appeared on the wall of this home, when I later found out the man had placed this as he was having an affair with another woman and eventually divorced his wife as he ran to what he was idolizing within and as his mind as his affair that was for him the image and supposed likeness of real intimacy, yet it was not, as obviously he had attached this to another woman, and not his wife, where the object as another woman created the intimacy and not the person as the looker who had followed an idea as what was real, as image as presence of feeling as idea.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that i had a woman friend who talked about men all the time and where my son said to me last night that he had seen this study where there was an analysis done of the types of conversation women had within scripts and that ALL of them were about men, where within this, one of my complaints about my woman friend at the time was that all she did was talk about men, where when she became angry with me about business ideas and walked away I was glad because I no longer wanted to more-often-than-not about men

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I have accepted and allowed myself to be programmed with this image and likeness as idea, as fairy tale, where there is only deliberation within and as this image and not self directive, self intimacy with myself in and as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my parents were as this image, and sometimes still are and thus this is held as special and what one strives for, yet the time between these moments is of constant arguing and accusation, and such statements as “that is the way he is,” or “ a man has a fragile ego,” or women that I see within my environment that fear financially being without a partner as they have income, yet a secondary income makes life easier, where I see these woman actually doing all the house cleaning and all the cooking and thus are consumed by this, while the man struts around with his supposed fragile ego, where it is not the existential placement of a man and a woman, or a woman and a woman, or a man and a man, that is “wrong” it is the expression of life in need within the interaction that is not supportive of what it actually means to exist on this physical world as it exists, where a system of unequal life support and ego development is the separation from life, from self intimacy as life, and thus what is real, here is not faced, and what is lived is ideas and the burdens of these ideas weighing one down like a chariot of characters in separation dragged behind oneself as a shadow existence.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize the undercurrent of this in and as me, like the currents in the ocean where deep down in the bottom of the ocean are currents that move so slowly they carry within them remnants of the past, unseen by us as they are buried in parts way down at the bottom of the layers and perceived as a presence as a sense un labeled within words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize how programmed i am, from my childhood, by the drama as what my parents lived where I had no understanding of what I was reading in and as this world, as the likeness I was as myself on the inside as what was happening on the outside, where there were no lessons on what I was in and as substance, and the lessons taught were of idea, belief and opinions, secondary compounded existential entities of desire wnat and need, that did not explain the reasons for the desire, want and need, an indication that something was somehow missing as why was there desire, want and need? This being an indication that there was a lack within and as the world, as this is running to a need and not self as life creating and expressing life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to have realized that this need was an indication of lack.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize I am this same thing, as I am being need, and thus in an endless deliberation in and as my mind within the separations existent in being a deliberation as this is being in need and not myself being deliberate in and as directing myself within self intimacy as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to deliberate instead of being deliberate within and as myself as life here, within the principle of oneness in equality.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to let this deliberation go and become here  with what is real as myself as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see the slow current as moving picture as presence as past event as what I believe I must emulate as being special.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that perhaps I tried to be this with my father, as a child, and was rejected because I did not understand the placement of this, as I imitated, and instead of it all being explained I was pushed away and then became angry and humiliated because i blamed myself for not having created the image of what I saw in my world around me, when I had no understanding of this image and all the things around this, which is not to say that I wanted this, as I did not understand what I wanted I simply imitated my world, and this was not understood as what I am as an organic robot, thus I am blamed for the actions of myself as imitation with the adult understanding how the human physical body as life and energy  actually works, where the beliefs as ideas and cultural taboos are a reaction as good and bad, and how life interacts is not explained, just punished for not instantly knowing taboos that are in and as themselves constrictions of life and not directive and not understood, thus children are not understood as life here, as how we are as humans and how we function, where it is automatically expected for us to learn and understand the compounded taboos as culture beliefs that are in themselves not understood as to how and why they were created. And we wonder why our children are reactive and fearful? We are not teaching them how this world works, and a system of inequality would not want this taught, as this would mean that inequality would no longer exist, and the few would lose the control of having more, when they actually have nothing as they themselves are not life, they are as separate from life as the rest, and only have comfort within this existence, with no expression of themselves as life, as life cannot be lived until everything on this planet is in expression as life, as this planet is an organism of parts and the human has separated himself from this.

I commit myself to becoming deliberate within and as common sense of this physical world.

I commit myself to stopping myself from hoping and wishing and wanting, creating a well of my own separation from playing as life with what is here, as this is the gift of life here.

I commit myself to being deliberate in and as taking the characters of my separation and bringing them back to myself to become self intimate with myself as life here.

I commit myself to becoming intimate with as as me, as life, as self, here

I commit myself to the deliberate being as myself within the principle of oneness in equality to play with myself as life, to stand and to show others the value is life, and that this is to play with self as life as learning to become self intimate, self directed, self honest, where a dream as a screen in and as the mind, as the halo of separation, as a “hollow existence” is realized for the separations that it is, as it is a scrap book of the past and not what is here.

I commit myself to realizing my own imitations based on knowledge and information and not based on understanding this physical world in fact.

I commit myself  to being deliberate within asking questions until how this physical world actually works is understood, revealing all fuzzy logic as this is unacceptable.

I commit myself to realizing that in order to clean up and organize this world to allow all that is here to self realize what this physical world is in common sense, so that the human as follow becomes self directed within self intimacy in self honest understanding of how this physical world functions, where anything else than the expression of this, until it is understood, is  realized as a crime against life, thus there is no excuse to not be specific in how this world works.

I commit myself to supporting the awareness within children of the gamut as sound as words as vocabulary to understand the images in and as their minds that they imitate to see the total consequence of imagery within and as how this physical world functions, so that the children can become self directed within self intimacy as being self honest within the principle of realizing they are life, have been given the gift of life and thus are able to express themselves as life and that this is the value and that this world must realize this and create/support a system that supports life, as what they are, as what all is, until it is done.

I commit myself to teaching the children to stand up for life, to support that which cares for all life as one and equal to it, as themselves beginning with an equal money system, to teach the children to play with the gamut of sound as language, here on this earth, within as as what they are within the principle of what is best for all is best for self, as giving as one would like to receive.

I commit myself to realizing that the value is interaction as life, here and not the seeking of validation, as this is myself in and as hope and not life.

It is time to remove religion and politics, to administer money as earth supportive resource in common sense equally, to admit that the only choice is to support the value of life.