Day 190 A System of Fuzzy Logic

What happens when I allow myself to serve the needs of another as a learned behavior, where I allow myself to become a relationship to another as ensuring their supposed comfort, as in allowing my own common sense to become secondary, or associate myself relative to that other person, meaning I am worth less, as the state of the other is the value instead of the value being here, one and equal to all that is here as life?
What barriers to I build in relation to this? What common sense do I withhold within myself in awareness of what is real here, to serve this? Is it just that common sense does not fit into expectations within an accepted morality? Is it that common sense denies platforms of validating experiences? And would I not be placing myself into a need to validate myself, where I feel that this is improper and then silently bask in sorrow as I have gone into a polarity of more than and less than within social constructs of behavior?
In many ways this focus on the state of the other is a desire for control within survival, as this is all that was perceived by myself to work with as how to exist within this survival based system of inequality, and also to use knowledge and information to “even the scales” as in taking a stand of lack and believing myself to be more in holding the sorrow to elevate the other, which is admitting to and accepting existential fear and instead of facing the fear trying to placate this fear, like running away from the fear, like resisting common sense.
So, it is like fearing being common sense. Is common sense what is taught to us? No. Common sense would mean learning about what is actually here. This is fear of being self as life, here. it is fear of communicating common sense. And this must stop with myself , here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I accept and allow myself to fear common sense in and as life , here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to serve the personification of another in fear of judgement and isolation.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the reactions of another to the point where I have even lied to not face the reactions of another for fear of punishment should I be self honest, which ends up being more detrimental to myself and others within my environment and thus is not worth it.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have feared performing in common sense where I actually remember holding myself back because I believed that should I really go for it, it would be too much and too exposing and thus I had a voice in and as my mind tell me - one time when I performed- that I should not do this as I would be attacked - which I have written about before - and i see, realize and understand that this ended up creating a performance of constriction and self insecurity, as in not using common sense there was no real substance with which to express.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear common sense as though something will be lost, when the opposite is what is real as there is no choice but to exist within common sense.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting this feeling of sorrow to pour down my back physically within myself as thought that something may be lost should i exist within common sense, a fuzzy logic masking a fear of loss as an idea, belief, or opinion.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become like a paper dress up doll, where I copy and paste the behaviors in and as the role of the woman, taking on the sorrow, through accepting a less than stand of myself in and as admitting to existential sorrow through believing I need to support the other within the other remaining within and as a state of ease, thus existing as a polarity of more than and less than, creating a lack of common sense of what is actually physically here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in not standing fast within and as common sense, I create the very insecurity felt within and as myself here, and the insecurity within another, the very thing wanting to be avoided, being what manifests.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that a separation from common sense, is what role play, as female and male, creates, thus that which is run to is that which creates the insecurity, as though the belief in the role as support is actually what creates the problem of separation and lack of communication.

I commit myself to breathing, to realizing what is the trigger into and as this association in focus to the emotions and feelings of another, which is going into control, and going into a believed self preservation instead of remaining here in common sense in and as life.
I commit myself to not see, realize and understand that self honesty can only exist within and as common sense of what is actually physically here, thus when and as I feel myself going into a sorrow, as a less than, as a sense of duty to ensure a perceived state of ease in another, I am in separation from common sense, and am allowing and accepting a belief that another must be made to remain happy, which admits to a state of “unhappy” as the potential, where this actually creates a relationship in separation from common sense, here and is not supportive of what is actually here.
I commit myself to see, realize and understand that the only real support and the only real communication available is with what is actually physically here, as the alternative in and as wanting to control the state of another is in separation from here, and a practice that continues a non-substantive energetic based existence.
I commit myself to remaining within and as common sense of what is here, breathing, and no longer allowing myself to fear the judgements of others, as I am sure they will come in and as reaction to common sense,.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing, and understanding the common sense of oneness in equality through stopping and breathing when and as I notice a judgement from within or from without, directly or indirectly, as such is a fear of loss, illusory as nothing can be lost as life, where a judgement is a fear of loss, and or protection for a few, both an ignorance of the totality of what is here.
I commit myself to remaining here in common sense and to no longer fear the verbal backlash of the mind, as it is only the voice of experience based on a past within what was learned and passed down within a system of fuzzy logic and separation from life.

Day 161 Imagination of Childhood Event

Day 161 Self Forgiveness on Imagination based on emotional outplays of a memory from childhood.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear speaking, to fear creating and causing confusion, to have made this moment of confusion a nature as an object as a persona of what it is that I am based on the developmental existence of what is before me, as my parents within a system of inequality and as inequality as what the word implies, a separation from life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not face this storm of confusion, in the realization that this is not what I am as life unless I allow and accept this as a definitive of what I am here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear this definitive, to allow this definitive to become huge, creating an idea that overwhelms and separates, in and as energy as this is a separation from being one and equal as life here, as solution, as a living word is a directive word, as life in equality is absolute within a nature of being forgiving in and as expressing life, that which surrounds as nature here on earth that is forgiving without judgement and without any signature of ownership as what is the value is being life in expression.
I forgive myself for building imaginary scenarios of wanting escape from facing this confusion, where I desire to be saved from my own accepted and allowed confusion, where the role of the damsel in distress is taken on as a female, a story taken from tribal roles and placed into religious scenarios where the salvation becomes an invisible god and is no longer the tribal warrior but the white knight serving an imaginary god.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, instead of facing my confusion, as myself as a child having no understanding and development opportunities within understanding myself as life surrounded by adults of same development conveying all that they are as a product of a same system of separation from life, to allowing myself to become a character of wanting to run away and avoiding any scenario where I am asked to speak, and thus becoming a musician so I did not have to deal with speaking, as music was a way to not have to speak and use words, and thus a way to avoid becoming confused and facing the spite, blame, reactionary expression in and as energetic outplays of limited belief, opinion and idea, in and as ego, irritated by questions it cannot answer as the ego of self is a separation from life, as it is an energetic drama, energy game in separation from life fearing loss of what is the very thing that enslaves, a personification of values believed to allow self survival within an accepted system of inequality known as capitalism, where money determines who lives and who dies, and is used by a few to live this same life of separation in comfort while others live a life in extreme rapid physical diminishment and suffering.
I forgive myself for judging myself as being confused, where the drama lived is myself believing myself to be a cause of irritation when I speak, a difficult character when speaking, a person that does not have the capacity to understand.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have limited opportunities to speak, to learn to speak because I feared speaking.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have another memory come up in relation to this, where I had written a play to a fairy tale, and during the performance my castchanged the story line and my teacher came to me and yelled at me and I became the same confusion and could not answer to her, as I did not have an understanding of how the human as ego is the cause of the behaviors of characters of energetic games as persona that are a separation of life into and as fear of loss of self as life in fear that something other will become more than self, where self must not allow a more than self scenario as this leads to potential situations where there is the threat, in seeming to be less than, of survival.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I as a child, had not direction, through, within having the means and ways of being one and equal to the forgiving nature of life, to walk through what was not under-stood, one and equal to, as myself as life, and was taught to be in service to separations as what energy is, that are as a separation of limited design and thus negligent of supporting what is in fact what is real, which is this physical world as the manifestation of life, seen in that this earth givesfreely, where it is man as ego, within a system of survival where money determines who lives and who dies, that is the ignorance, accepted and allowed , created by those who accept, which is man, through rejecting equality and oneness as the gift that is the substance of what is here that is life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame myself, to be and become self blame, and self judgement, when and as I become confused, believing myself to be a source of irritation , impossibility and difficulty as what I am within not supporting ego, where I then become an ego of wanting to win in relation to the lack of understanding that is ego as man, through lack of oneness and equality with self as life as solution as man existent from self as life as the starting point of valuing life as what all that is of this earth consists of and exists as.
I commit myself to walking into the energy drama as mind of irritation, judgement as impossibility and difficulty , to becoming one and equal to this, and utilizing the principle of what is best for all, to directing through a fear of loss, and or a desire for gain, these energetic sensations of diminishment in fear of loss, and excitement in potential of gain, and bringing myself back here utilizing breath to equalize myself within myself as life, and within researching the very structure of the present capitalistic system of inequality, to within this speak in common sense of what is best for all.
I commit myself to realizing that behaviors of judgement, within and without, that are creating a belief that objects of irritation exist as the cause of demise as belief of , being difficult and impossible, is simply a behavior in and as fear of loss and desire of want, limited in development of the nature of life, of self as life, of this nature of life forgiving of itself, as how this earth is, these created objects being a cause of frustration, are a lack of self having the ability to direct self as life, as what exists is fear of loss and fear of death, an illusion made huge through how money determines life, and an idea of some invisible “more than” world, or “hand”, as a “determining object” that is the illusion and the separation from self as life, self as life able to direct as life, one and equal as what all that is here consists and exists in and as.

I commit myself to realizing that I can read words over and over again, but within myself these words must be physically realized, as what I have accepted and allowed within and thus without, as the human, and as myself individually, where to realize this as what I am allowing within I must breath, slow myself down and see the drama existent within, as myself asmind ONLY, other wise I cannot see this, as the mind is too busy being the characters of separation as the behaviors of ego, where I believe that I am always “right” and the other - be it object, animal, plant, collective entity such as government or supposed “god”, is “wrong”, not seeing realizing and understanding that I am the creator of these objects through a focus as mind where I spite through blame and label as what judgement is in fact, as the cause of my own demise.
Within this, being passively accepting of this, or aggressively enacting such behaviors , I an one side of the same coin, in that I am allowing this, unless I stop and I breath, and I direct within solution with every step and every breath, what is best for all, as what will support all life on this planet, where I realize that ego is separation from life, a cry of fear of loss and fear of death, where myself as life is not expressing itself as life, equal and one to and as life here, this cry creating objects to cling to as the ego is the subject of fear, in separation of self as life as being forgiving of self as life, this self forgiving being the nature of solution and thus direction as life, this gift of being and giving equal and one as the package of what self is here as life, complete and whole, as the gift.
I commit myself to realizing that when and as I become confusion, I am allowing and accepting myself to be and become a character of ignorance, and thus create my own being ignored as I accept and allow ignorance of life, here.
I commit myself to realizing, with and as the tools of, breathing, writing, corrective application, slowing myself down to pick up and utilize these tools with every breath, that the solution, as the substance of life is the solvent to and towards earth becoming life, where earth is one and equal to heaven, as heaven on earth, as walking through confusion and all cries of separation as ego, as the actions of ego, as desire for gain within fear of loss as the illusion, as judgement manifest as blame and spite, these energetic allowances that are non-directive and supportive solutions that develop awareness of self forgiving self as life as they are the acts that separate from being equal and one to how nature is on earth, the freely given support and substance of life, here.

To Continue with Back Chat, Reactions and Physical Behaviors.

The creation of the mind.

Life Review series, to realize separation and the consequences thereof.

The practical solution Equal Money

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey To Life

Earth's Journey To Life

A playlist of documentaries

Pinterest list of articles  and videos on out current environment