The pressure of thin-king on the heart Day 774

What does it mean to stand as a word that is grounded and aware of itself, in relation to considering all things?

How does on have  a command as a faith in who and what one is as a starting point as what is constant and here, in all ways?

At present, I feel like I am perpetually on the verge of getting sick. As though there is a war within me, where I move into fear, as a belief that things are impossible, and yet, sense that going there is not the place to go. I look at what I am allowing and remember the practical, having more of a command in who and what I am, as a respect of the practical as a real relationship and respect of the physical being real faith.

Somehow, bringing segmented things here, as parts of realization within the patterns of forms around me, is a way to make what is seemingly metaphysical more a reality of and as how the physical works, and how separation into ego is reflected in the segments of processes and things around me. It is like bringing a story here, and making it practical and obvious, making it acceptable.

It is making what is ignored big and making the means of ignorance small. A kind of reversal, a reversing.  And it means remaining steady within this.

It is changing the image of perception, reducing what is inflamed, and deflating it, via bringing segments of recognition together as creating a ordinariness as a sequence of steps that show the illusion of conscious projections resisting the practical, and how an absence of realizing the practical is the problem that reveals the solution.

I am , in real time, procrastinating within and as my annual spring task of washing all the windows of my house. It is a simple thing. It takes a persistence as a measure that is annual, nothing more , nothing less. And yet, I find myself hesitating. In some ways this is happening in my world at the moment. 

It is a reflection as a hesitation of being and living and moving as the process of de-segmenting what is fractionalized that is the hyperbolized values that must be segmented into a practice that grounds in being focused in this reality- seeing with clear eyes, how a separation consciousness is something that can be grounded into actions and expressions that realize an intimacy that is self empowering in creating real and effective awareness of and as self direction that is sustainable and constant. 

To use parables, the residual dust on my windows, need not be made larger than life, just as I self realize the segments of recognition need not be made as separate as they may seem, as they can be brought together to make the imaginary less a separation from the practical and more in-line with an awareness of what it means to create stable and present focus on what is real, as this physical reality.  

It is really a matter of remaining in the practical, recognizing my own projections into value judgements. What appears to easy and so habituated to move into, is a separation from the practical consciousness that only the self, as me, accepted and allowed, and not what is here and what I would really want, as the tension as the focus onto a form of blame, that is myself hating myself for not having remained within who and what I am as life, which is realizing the substance of life, that is me, that is all around me here. 

That spin, of limited values - it is like it creates this vortex of and as another plain of existence, that is an inversion of myself away from being here, being present. It is, also, that I realize when I am doing this. We all realize we are doing this. Meanwhile what is real is right here, to be discovered as being equal to what creates, here.

Somehow, this all moves around as the heart, which would fit within what we have been told, as to realize what when we are present here, taking in what is here, without judgement, and with realizing presence in form and function, and resolving it, as being living solutions that move in ways that allow no harm, as taking what is good and transforming it into a change that is best for all. It is like there is an author as a dictate, pressing down from my mind, composed of a limited morality that is built of polarized values, instead of giving as I would receive, which is what is best for myself. Reminds me of hearing a really clear performance, where the presence in the notes as the space was so ‘ fulfilled’ that every relationship as connection was solid, making a sound that was really clear and tight- as I wold say it. And, with no ‘ manner’ attached. I have probably heard that once in my life - to that degree anyway! 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move into resistance, to move into not seeing realizing and understanding that resistance is rejection, is denial, is protection and self defense, within and as an idea of a loss as who and what I have allowed myself to be in separation from the reality of who and what I am which is physical, as the physical is what withstands the test of time, and what is therefor creation manifest, in expression of and as life. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that that which is desired to be owned, done with slight-of-hand as paper castles of legal manpulations, that mirror the same as what I have accepted and allowed within in and as me, and which reveal that what is moved to grab as physical resources, makes plain that what is real is the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not look here, to not realize the depth of the dearth of my own accepted and allowed rejection of myself as life here, and the degree of separation into polarized values as judgements as dogma as belief, creating imaginations metaphysical, and the implications thereof that have caused harm towards life, must be reversed with awareness and practical application as that which respects all things here, to birth life on earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not take back the joy of being life, meaning to be present in consideration of all things here, and to within this practice recognizing my own cognitive dissonance - self accepted and created- as I was the child that was not born with religion and political dogma, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how much the very movements of and as me, reveal to me, my own ignorance of this reality.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stand one and equal to what is in plain sight, and what is the means of life as the physical here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become in recognition of the movements within and as me, as tension and conflict, confusion and fear, to see realize and under this stand as myself moving in self interest, instead of remaining grounded within and as the fullness of life all around me that is physical and present and always in plain sight here.

When and as I find myself tensing up, within and as me, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I see realize and cross reference, in practical step by step application to realize the beliefs, ideas, and opinions as thought, pushing down on my heart, where I create a kind of vortex, of blame and spite, protection and defense, in fear of punishment as a belief in survival, to reverse this, through self forgiveness and practical application of and as real focus on what is here, as the physical.

When and as I find myself tensing up, as pressure of and as thoughts, onto my chest area, leading to and manifest as the down turning of the sides of my mouth, I stop, I breath, I assess, as investigate what I am accepting and allowing within and as me, to reform, to focus here, and reverse, as verse, within and as me as a focus, with practical applications, what is best for all, as this is what is best for life.

When and as I find myself tensing up, as creating an entity of separation, a fragment of reality, as a value judgement, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I ground myself in calm, to asses, in breath to realize in practice a con-science of and as the tech of who and what I am, an awareness of all things, to realize what is a movement of and as what is best for all, to listen to the physical, here.

When and as I find myself looking within and as me, as the ideas, beliefs and opinions I have allowed to habituate within and as me as an imagined dogma, creating by design a limitation, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand the practice of presence in this reality, as respecting all things, opening my heart to here, to become steady in expressing myself as life, as who and what I am here.

More on Bringing it Back to Self Day 737

Bringing it back to self.

I am looking at the means justifying the ends. Reviewing this.

I realize that what I aggrandize, as make huge, like an elephant in the room, is what I attend to, as focus on. Is this in self interest, as a relationship of protecting what I define myself within as who I am?

It can be such a narrow focus on a few values, where at the exclusion of all things, as a cross reference, I am lost in a tunnel vision of my own command, my own imagination, my ownership of perspective, my owned borders. Self selected programming. A lie-by-omission.

Within doom and gloom, or, worst case scenarios, I realize this is the choice, because it is always a choice, I can take an extreme, create a fantasy as a hypothetical, as hyperbole, and believe that this is the center of this universe, forgetting all that is me, practically as I am physical first and foremost- my resource -  and project this onto everything, thereby believing that what I compose in my imagination is real. I become my own constructed illusion. And, I forget who I really am, I no longer ‘ know thy self’ and as a consequence am in a distraction, a business of limited insight. 

This causes conflict with my real self. This manifests as friction, or a clash with reality. This separation is colored by a belief that I am a superman, and why does no one else see this? I ask myself in my ego, my idealistic self.

I abandoned my own self worth, as me, as all of me, as the organism that allows me expression. When I am calm and problem solve, with effective actions, my whole temper is more insightful and connected to reality. I quantify greater measures of information,  and move with greater practicality, instead of projecting a myopic story of blame as only seeing a default, often something unkempt that I fear becoming. I end up using fantasy, as a worst case scenario to justify rejecting something instead of realizing what is an innate capacity to compose. Meaning, an innate capacity to see correction via problem solving within practical outlined steps of what builds a constancy that does no harm. This means standing up through my own mental projections and grounding myself in this reality. I mean, in all common sense, what are the elements of a garden growing? The simplicity is astounding and very cool. 

I am looking at the idea - because this is words on a page- of ‘ know thyself.’  I will place this next to the idea of a superman, so-called ‘ master of industry.’  Knowing self is powerful, it is knowing who and what one is, which is to acknowledge the physical world, and the practical steps necessary in real time, within completing a task. This would lead to effective action, and thus success, especially in a world where so many do not reference themselves because of a distraction into a heaven ideal. And yet, to know thyself means being practical, leading to becoming super effective. Somehow, becoming super effective has been made fantasy as the idea of a superman, which technological media can make appear to be real, causing a imaginative picture show of the possibility of great feats in physical time. Here, one is caught in a distraction so easy to quickly play out in the imagination getting a sense of being good, a chemical high and nothing else. Thus, a myopic focus, that happens in a quantum moment, becoming every moment. This is a de-manning ( demon) of self, sending a tie-me/ time dream elevated up there in the mind, un grounding the presence in reality. Thus, the equation of a truth, to pull one in, and a dream to tie one down in a fantasy that by design is a separation from real power, as that simple act of knowing the real score as self as a physical self, where things get done in real space.  The imaginative hyperbole is used after a truthful statement filled with promise, draws one in. This weakens the heart, or the essence of self. It is an imperfect practice of and as the instrument of life as the physical self.

So-called ‘ masters of industry’ simply practice real organization of the organ as the physical, meaning the resources of this earth, into industry, meaning they order the physical and real organ. Yet, unless they do so, ensuring no harm to any living thing, they too are not completely grounded in reality.  All the degrees of separation as each human as the degree of separation from practical physical reality,  can cause a competition that consists of following a dream that has been allowed to be larger-than-life as a focus that is different yet same, by subtle degree , as that equation of a truth coupled with a fantasy. That fantasy composed of inflamed values that are actions of excluding practical values that exist in balance in physical symbiotic nature, this earth. Even this earth at the moment, is less than its potential, as the very waters of existence are not evenly distributed in a balanced and effective act of sustaining what is here. Have a look, do we not use water to balance temperature, is this means not constructed? Yet, this may be too big of a jump, myself using hyperbole that may have some truth.  I am the product of such a system, I have to practice being simple and stop the holywood game within me. 

We may organize something in our daily lives. For example, I may, and have done this, rearrange my furniture after living in a home for a while. One day, I assess my home and have a ‘ vision’ of  changing the furniture arrangement. I assess it, imagine it ( okay- and correct use of the imagination) and move to physically rearrange. I may even change up the idea, and change the change as I move through the practical action of my idea/image. Afterwards, I stand and look at my re-creation and have a sense of satisfaction of ‘ pride’ in my capacity to do, even when on a simple scale such as this. I have become a ‘ master’ of my own industry within the dimensions of where I am at. I can enjoy this moment, without aggrandizing it, using it to make myself ‘ more’ than another, etc.. It is a simple act that I took to improve the space in which I live. 

In another dimension, I may have decided to take care of what I have as refurbish it, rearrange it to allow an environment of greater ease, as a solution, instead of going out and purchasing a whole new set of furniture because I have an idea that this is a solution, and because, to some degree, all-new-things, is somehow more fashionable, as it would be, in a consumerist society. I have had a sense that simply caring for what I have and rearranging it, is somehow counter intuitive to supporting this society. Thus, my pride as the simple self action, is colored with some guilt, a strange mix within me. Yet, that is the point of the ‘ superman’ layered story of colored, or polarized values, as such things so readily happen within me.  I forget enjoyment of the simple action of organizing as being present with what is here.  That pull into an extreme, as using a value judgement formulated without regard for effective and harmless actions that are enjoying a moment only, are impulsing me away from practicality and respect for the physical world that functions in simple terms. This pull into an idea of value, in my imagination, can go both ways, into a negative self definition or a positive self definition, either/or not realizing the simple enjoyment of organizing an organism as the physical. This physical being the means of everything I am.  Hard to see such simplicity with an overblown imagination moving counter to an innate ability to be the practice of  common sense. 

Thus, our ‘ masters of industry’ simply have a greater focus on the practical, and some can say, the means to move things around in the greater whole, which is why, resource acquisition is what our labor supports, even in giving to a church, that very standard of distracting through inner scaffolding, or scripting of information towards a belief in some greater life after this real life, this physical life, a life that would be creation, because being physical is creation manifest.  The thing we put energy into, as fighting, for resource, is revelatory of what is most real, as the physical. The time we spend as ideas, as stories of information in our imaginations, a quick and fast moving story where we live success in an instant, creating a false pride, is a mis-use of ourselves as life. It is that what we are, is so out of balance, and so habituated, the means using pieces of who and what we are, is so right in front of us, we will be astounded that we never saw this. Hopefully, it will happen before it is too late. There is a point of no return, a cancel of real life, as what cancer is and does.  

The solution is to breath, to slow way down and begin to see the patterns of deception, the patterns of de-ce-ption, the patterns of imagination superimposed on reality as an inner scaffold of ideas that is a bias made of aggrandized values in both directions, the bad and the good, as the negative that moves into a positive - the positive being a double consistently-practiced negative which is a giving up of self into the imagination. With moving focus into breathing, one begins to build a greater sense of self in relation to the whole of this reality. Then, is the work that turns into play, as sorting this all out and birthing self back into what is more natural, reordering the self, re-organizing the self - back into, and away from a scattered through a lie-by-omission self smothered in imagination as a false script filled with truths and colored with extremes - equal and one to what is the real universe, as the physical, where real creation happens. 

Real mastery is the realization that there are no masters, and there are no slaves. Real mastery respects all things, taking that which is good and does no harm. This is done right here, in the moment.  Use your imagination correctly, imagine walking down any street, through any wood, over any bridge, and having the space to admire this creation being in an effective and supportive and expansive order, where all children can walk wherever they want, without fear and with an open mind, learning to create, taking that which is good and does no harm. Is this not what we all want. Listen for it, it is there, it is under the illusion, and it is what we all desire. Slow down and breath. No one can do this, it takes all of us. The means is within us, each and every one. All the kings men, and all the king’s horses cannot put us back together again, What is cool is that it is natural for us to do this. 

Day 284 The Story of Inequality, No sustainability

http://www.outlookindia.com/article.aspx?280234
Is is an interesting thing to realize that there are times when I was calm, and did not let the politics of greed bother me. I remained calm as though I could see a pattern that would eventually end, as there was no sustenance within the game being played.
I suppose I saw this within the politics of an orchestral group. And this existed within what was needed to hold oneself steady, that which had to be learned , or rather simply followed, as one had been burned to many times within becoming fearful.
Sometimes I would lead a section. And inevitably there came competition to usurp my spot. Sometimes I fell because I allowed this to get to me. Other times the whine of the competitor drove the administration and the conductor to give in, just to stop the incessant complaint.
But what would happen, is the complainer had no sustaining ability, the learning to complain had taken all sustenance out, the character had been set, and the desire to win had taken over. So, once something was won, off they went to another battle. And I was put back where i was, until the next aggressor came along. It took time for me to learn this.
The really nasty ones, who also eventually left- much like the stories of the kings and queens of medieval court- sought to eliminate, to remove the face of their desired place. Sometimes I was removed, only to sort out my own feelings of having lost something. I was not raised to be aggressive. And in the course of watching such, knew this was not an option I wanted to emulate. Yet, those times I came to believe myself inferior, I lost my own directive capacity and fell.
And this is not to say that i am better because I was not raised to be aggressive, it is just what was. There are moments when I digress and think that maybe it would have been better, but this pondering is crying over spilt milk, and there is no point in this. It is not what would sort out the existence of competition that is not supportive of life, the expression of life here on earth, meaning the absence of a need to eliminate, or abuse, or smother another voice.
I learned to remain calm in the face of the loud aggressive screaming for dominance, and waited to allow the drama to play out, as the actor of this proved to lack staying power, as is the nature of the breeding of such behavior. Similar to the aggression for power on earth, in the end there will be no staying power with men, unless they realize this is not how life can sustain itself on earth. It simply will not work, and it is not working. It is destructive, and the destruction from this is happening all over the globe. Support is sustaining, not the seeking of power. And the plants and the animals and the soils and people on earth are not being sustained, they are being moved around for power and supposed profit of more than, an illusion, as the value is life, is being, is interacting with this physical world, learning to express in and as the very substance of life, here.
So, I am reading this article today about what is happening in India with the grab of privatization of resources, where a few get a piece of paper saying they own something freely given by earth, and ignore all life in an effort to reap their supposed rewards, and to play dress up with a value given to blingy possessions, meanwhile there has been noeducation as to how to be life, to move as life, here, to transcend death, in becoming equal and one to and as life here. Whole peoples are moved off of vast stretches of land and armies are called in to stop the protest of these people who are forced to live in poverty. Is it any wonder why the poor continue protest, what else do they have, there are no other options for them really. And the media does what a purple pro does best, give the dispossessed a new perception label and tout it all over the media until it is believed. Thus do the poor who have had everything taken from them become, in this case, Maoist Gorillas. I mean really. This is as bad as the worst cartoon ever created. In fact it is a cartoon. Unfortunately, it is, as is a cartoon, an imagery so devoid of any depth of reality, with the promotion of stereotypes of good and bad, it is no wonder that few have considered how married the good and the bad are, as the two in totality being the problem, that this is really the play of inequality existent on earth that is the problem. The good and the bad, the more than and the less than, is a drama of inequality, endlessly running on screens all over the world, and so caught up in this drama is the human, that they cannot see this for what it is. We are being banged over the head with what we are allowing, and still we cannot see it. Incredible. The polarity game of inequality, the source of all stories, and no one sees that it is one entity so caught up in itself that it realizes its own destruction NOT. The snake eating its own tale/tail.

Mankind is the story of inequality. It is the story of destruction, it is the story of what not to allow. It is the story of dis-ease. It is the story of the separation from life.

Will there come a day, when children born on earth are told the story of man existing in inequality? That the monster under the bed was simply a belief made so huge as inequality that life was lost.

You decide.

Day 253 Imagination Dimension Abdication Character

Imagination Dimension Abdication Character
When teaching children to play the violin, I would notice a change in focus, where self direction and attention were strong, in that things moved with more ease and immediate recognition.
I remember one girl, who was beginning to develop this, it was strong within her. And then in the next lesson she arrived wearing a dainty handbag/purse. I think the strap was a gold colored chain. I knew it was over, I had seen this before. The transition. The girly world had caught her attention, and unless the parents made note of this, she was going to fade and never return. Which is what happened. And it is hard to watch.
It is not that wanting to be a girl is bad, it is that this consumes and other areas are left behind. If it does not fit the picture, as what our society promotes, as personification of women, then it is more than likely left behind. The bling, the seeming enchanting image of the princess, the woman, is taken on with gusto, at the exclusion of all else.
What are our children focusing themselves into and as, within such limited designs? And is the personifications promoted within the figurines, as the very toys of play in childhood the beginning of such limited focus? What is promoted is a boy within war games and financial games, and with women the princess waiting for the knight, even the knight beneath the beast, where continues kindness and compassion and service to the beast will eventually bring out the man, the real man, and then the maiden will be saved. And the journey of putting up with the beast is commended. It seems an abuse coupled with a truth in some way, I mean abuse is abuse, let’s not elaborate it, justify it with with a patience in of supposed “good behavior.”
This is where the principle of oneness and equality comes in. What is best for all is best for all, period. There are no if’s, and’s, or but’s, period.
Spending time respecting anything else is really saying it is okay to follow through with a tantrum in self interest, and the tantrum is not being what is best for all. Any justifications to the contrary need be looked at immediately and simply stopped. Practice makes perfect. Digression is digression is digression. Let’s start calling a spade a spade, and not molly coddle the tantrums of our illusions.
A little girl of twelve or thirteen, suddenly taking the play of dress up out into the world, at the exclusion of everything else is limited. There is no way around this.
And we wonder why our children lack the kind of focus that brings success for all children within learning to use language and simple arithmetic in our schools. Could it be the very way in which what we have made huge, that is limited by design, what we uphold as personifications of self within education and media and family generational character values? These are a focusing onto something, and not the practice of self direction within a purpose that considers all life, and self as the same substance as life, as what is here. This is limited consideration, and even here, not everyone has the financial means to even live out what is the proposal of this monetary system, as what it promotes ( which collectively we all allow), thus presenting the unattainable for many. And what kind of behaviors would this create? Frustration? Dismay? Anger?
And then, ways and means of profiting on this inevitable lack are created. Prisons, where the prisoner of turned into a commodity for someone’s pension and another’s dividend. Instead of looking at the causation, what is looked at is how to profit from the consequence of this lack of development. Remember, let’s call a spade a spade. No tantrum of justification here, no sticky spinning of a spider web of protection against not looking at that spade as being a spade. Unerring humility in remaining steadfast within the principle of what is best for all, in thought, word and deed, with every breath is the only solution. Anything else is an imagination within self abdication, where the self abdication is protection and defense of the limited values learned as what has been accepted and allowed on this earth, as a tantrum of not wanting to look at the fact that a spade is a spade. The behavior of irritation is a behavior of not looking. The behavior of anger is not looking. The behavior of lust is not looking. The behavior of fear is not looking. Looking and focusing on here, moves with ease. Just as these children who had begun to focus from within, which is visible in a movement within playing the violin, with ease, where one small direction given in detail was more often than not immediately grasped, as though the focus was one and the same as an awareness of an ability to see the notes, and the physical body, and the sound being produced. Interesting, that with the very sound it was immediately noticeable how focused the child was.
And if this is visible as what I have noticed, then would not this be true with all people in all situations? And even within this, I am sure I lack awareness as to the extent within which this is possible. But the other way, the handbag on the shoulder ONLY presentation, is limited. It is a copy cat existence serving a profit system that promotes limited personifications to control ownership of the human in self interest. And we are all playing along unless we stop and realize what is best for all is best for self, as self is part of an organism called earth, and thus, would not self, allowed to be what self is as life, then find a place within this organism? I mean, nature is now coming up with super viruses to balance the earth out and rid itself of what is destructive, so this organism knows what is best for itself, and what the human is practicing and allowing on earth is not what is best for this planet. The human is not aware of itself as life, is not focused as itself as life, is not listening, is not looking, is only pretending within a superimposed dream of limited design.
So, within this, within myself, what imaginations have I accepted and allowed to distract the focus of myself here? Where am I not sounding myself clearly as life, where am I in separation from myself as life, where the very sound i make comes out thin and unfocused?
Where is my behavior not clear and steady, here and focused, without fear and doubt?
What commercial bling do I allow to distract me?
What is it within my own desires, wants and needs, are based on beliefs that really do not serve the purpose of what is best for all?
What do I fear in standing in common sense as what is best for all?
And in this day and age on earth, is there any more time to wait patiently for the beast to “get over it” ? No.
Anything that takes self away form focusing on what is here, in common sense is unacceptable.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the thoughts reeling around, in and as my mind, are one and the same as what is promoted through education, media and the limited values within family as survival tactics, where not all are to be seen as good or bad, as some are of a truth yet coupled with ignorance of what is here on earth in totality.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that as within so without, where what reels in and as my mind, is as much a halographic as the halographic images presented within television, media, societal behaviors, educational systemic inability to focus the human into and as being specific and clear within an understanding of self able to focus self as life and direct self as life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not look in detail as to how the mind works and how the present system on earth functions, to see, realize and understand the structure and form of what has been accepted and allowed by men on this earth, to understand that what is here is a tiered organization of values in separation from what is equal and one, in and as what all existent is as the very substance of, which is life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that emotions and feelings are a construct of accumulated beliefs that originate from a fear of standing as self as life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have emotions of self pity as I compare myself to what is presented as the “perfect” feminine form, fearing that I will not be able to survive unless I become this, and/or within this , to seek another value to become the support of myself here, such as believing that becoming an intellectual will bring survival success, which I then parade through purchasing my own comfort and security without standing up and realizing that all on this earth is the same as myself and thus why are not all existing within comfort and ease within and as self expression in and as life?
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how I have abdicated myself as life, into and as thinking only of my own survival without realizing that self interest within my own survival can never be stable, as there can be no stability or real life expression until all life on earth, as a single organism, is stable and supported within and as the value being life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to displace myself into and as limited personifications in oder to survive instead of asking myself the question as to why such projection exist instead of remaining here equal and one with what is physically here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that even within realizing I am play acting in order to survive, the guilt and shame within this, this that i hide and run from, is a separation from directing myself as what is best for all, as self direction as self as life, is this, and exists in and as a state of ease, thus, it is for myself to forgive myself for the “milk I have spilled” as guilt and shame and to stand and become life and to realign myself as life, equal and one, which means existing within and as what is best for all in humility, with no desire for gain and at the moment, a careful common sensical self direction within what is best for all, as at present the current system does not support life, and thus must the current system be stood up within and directed within what is best for all.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how the mind in fact functions on a quantum level, where the mind takes pictures laced with what is presented, and what is presented serves an agenda in self interested survival only with an ignorance of what is the source and substance of what is here as this physical world, equal and one in all existent which is life, where television commercials distort reality in favor of a limited viewpoint and thus draw attention to an agenda in self interest for the support of a few, where television could be used to bring life, as the human, back to self as life, here, thus it is not what is here as it is how what is here is used in self interest, thus is a limited design presented in ignorance of the totality of life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my own guilt and shame within and as fear of standing as myself as life, will take some practice as I have not been taught to move as myself as life , here, having taken on the present limited system of values, and attempted to use this for my own survival, and when it worked I was feeling better than those around me, and when it did not work, I went into self pity, shame, spite and blame, anger and fear, and thus only went from one polarityto another in separation from focusing on what is actually physically here in and as life, as I allowed myself to exist as mind only.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to have realized the halo-graphic spinning of thoughts in and as my mind, as being of limited values, and in paying attention/obeisance to this, I was in fact fearing to stand as myself as life, here, to focus myself in and as life here.
I forgive myself myself for allowing and accepting myself to have feared standing as myself as life, in fear of losing friends, losing family, losing survival - as in having money, losing security and comfort ( which in common sense at the moment, to not realize that not having money means I will be unable to stand within this system to make a change- thus it is to use what i am here within common sense to be directed within and as what is best for all as creating a system that supports all life - so that life can begin), losing some idea of myself as a “face value” only, and within this to see that that which stands the test of time, meaning that which is constant and stable, is myself as life, where the irony is that that which I fear is that which is eternal.

I commit myself to, when and as I sense a heaviness in and as emotion and feeling, to stop and to breath, and to bring myself here, to look at the details of what is physically here, and to direct myself within and as moving within the principle of what is best for all.
I commit myself to , when and as I imagine being criticized as I had been as a child, to stop and to breath, and to see, realize and understand how the mind works, and how this present system of inequality functions, to no longer allow myself to participate within a self destructive belief within an endgame emotion, and to forgive the limitation as such a belief of less than, and to direct myself in common sense of what is physically here.
I commit myself to seeing  , realizing and understanding that within myself within self abdication, I exist within shame based on beliefs and ideas that are a endgame, which is a belief within a fear/survival mind set, as existing within fear/survival all that is seen is death, and thus a lack of understanding of the substance of life, of a real faith in life, where being here equal and one as life means respecting life as the physical, and any and all transformations inherent within and as life, as such transformations would be done in awareness as life would not deny itself awareness, as the nature of life would be full participation and full potential reached, and thus what is here, within destruction of this earth is not life, as suicide is not life, dis-ease is not life, life would expression.
I commit myself to no longer fear the presentation of a judgment, an endgame, a limitation, an aspect made huge, as what I was led to believe as a definition of myself as a child and as a woman, a mother, a widow, as the personalities of my own warped reality, which I accepted and allowed in self abdication as life within a fear/survival system, to see, realize and understand the petrification of life here on earth by men, in thought, word and deed as belief, opinion and idea, in media and education, in gender play and culture formation and to stop and to breath and to stand within the principle of oneness and equality, here, and within this to direct myself within what is best for all.
I commit myself to, when and as I abdicate my self as life into such an allowance of myself as shame, blame or spite, to see, realize and understand in what way, as my thoughts, words and deeds, as direction and reaction, from my self or - as what is me without- to realize what values are made huge within utilizing contextual social values as a support in self interest within what is taught as a means of survival within behavior, to not take it personally, but to realize such self interested within a fear/survival system behavioral teachings/tactics and to take this back to self and realign within and as what is best for all, as this is the choice, the only choice, in and as support of all life in consideration as equal and one to and as myself here to be eternally in support of life, where life is the value, equal and one as what I am.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that to abdicate myself as life is to allow ideas, opinions and beliefs supporting constructs of more than and less than, as limited values placed in a system where man is a more-than in relation to this earth, where divisions within this separation continue such more- than scenarios, as societal behaviors within class, gender, race, culture, on which taboos of moving beyond proper behaviors are accepted and allowed, to see, realize and understand that many of the reactive fears within and as my imagination journeys of impending doom and gloom have no real basis within and as being able to support all life, consider all life, as life being the value, and that such emotional/feeling storms as a collection of thoughts based on beliefs, opinions and ideas are fearing the survival suit of taught behaviors in separation from life, from equality and oneness in and as life, here, where the mind as an image tool has been used by each individually to hide from facing self as life, and in replication of this inner allowance by men, into and as a system without that repeats what is held as what self believes self is, as personification, as a warped reality of values, divided and separated and limited and them blanketed onto and as all men, accepted and allowed by men, this construct a nature of more than and less than, which is the behavior of mankind on an organism of life, as earth, where man is in total separation from this earth as a manifestation of life, here.

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Day 235 Thought Dimension / Victim Character

Victim Character
Thought dimension

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an image in and as my mind of myself standing and looking at an group, as my best friend sitting with another group of girls.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a past memory as a thought as myself standing at a distance from a group.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an image, as a judgement as a thought, of myself being separate from a group.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself as less because a friend had decided to enter into another group, taking this as a rejection and believing myself to have been unjustly cast aside and made a victim of competitive social norms I believed I lacked.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have wanted to hide how I felt, by competing with my abandoned friend to prove myself more than, not stopping and equalizing myself to the situation and what was happening within the physical world within a system of competitive survival and physical growth changes among peers..

Within this, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become more selective in my friendships, having judged the group my friend was drawn to as less than myself, to then make myself seem more than through assigning limited class and cultural values to the situation to hide the initial negative judgement in fear of loss.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this, I began to scan groups of people, looking for those groups and individuals that appeared to compliment myself, not seeing realizing and understanding that within this, I began to align myself within moral judgements of right and wrong, more and less, thereby creating borders and separations between that which was same within human beings, that we are all as one as equal as life, where life is the value.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within my own childhood, the behaviors of my parents were in fear of loss, and the promotion of competitive values determined within the generative past and culture as to what would be of value within being a part of a group that had control and power and thus an ability to remain secure within a system of inequality, where money - as the outward manifestation of more than and less than- determines what values create a “more than” scenario, all of which is a mind consciousness system, as measure only, lacking perception of the value - as what is same- being life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have feared facing the frustrated behaviors of parents obsessed within their own survival, not seeing realizing and understanding how such behaviors existed as only fearing loss as my parents faced the same fears, and within this, I reacted to their fears with a sense that I lacked worth, which was myself existing in self judgement within ignorance of awareness of how my mind, as thoughts, emotions and feelings functioned as polarities of myself in separation from oneness in equality as life into judgement of more than and less than.

And thus, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that by the time I got to middle school, I had already developed a resonance of fear, accepted a resonance of fear of loss, as this was what I had accepted and allowed as a child facing the culture of separation from life, at home, into and as mind, as energy, as consciousness, having not understood the worry about money and position of my parents, and taking their behaviors personally as myself having caused problems or lackingsolutions, where I then became the same and passed this onto my children, instead of realizing the value being life, and directing self within what is best for all, while realizing the present system is an outward manifestation of what the human, as consciousness, has imposed on freely giving life as earth, and thus, even within self honesty as life, this present system must be stood up within, just as self must stand up and face accepted and allowed separations of more than and less than, to change self to move as a starting point of self realization as life, as this is the value, here.

Within all this, I see, realize and understand that a group is needed to change what exists as a system of inequality and disregard of life, as the mind as consciousness, not hereing a common sense of life as the common denominator of all existent on earth, to no longer allow myself to exist as a fear of loss, to see through all the storms as separations as what consciousness is into more than and less than value judgements, where such separations are the loss of self as life, and to become steadfast within myself in alignment of myself as life, and then to stand with a group to create a change to a system of equality, a system that realizes the value is life, and thus what must be changed is to align money to be what supports life in equality, as the value is life.

I commit myself to, when and as an image comes up, as a thought, as a judgement, to stop and to breath, and to write out the image/thought dimension, to then walk through the practical steps of facing accepted and allowed separations into more than and less than to being myself back to myself as life, equal and one as the physical.

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