Day 491 Walking the process of the pain into a lightness of being. DIP Journey to life.

Pains come up with becoming equal as in walking the journey to life, the journey back in equality and oneness to and with the physical. These pains appear suddenly, feeling like needles are ripping through the flesh of the physical body that we humans have ignored, separated ourselves from as we choose the limitations of belief, opinion and idea, as a mind consciousness system. This is why our bodies stiffen with age and we do not notice because we are living in our minds as projections of ideological belief. When we choose to realize that what exists as what we are and as what this allows on this earth, there is no other choice but to stop and look and change the present system on this earth. To do this, the one thing we all seem to avoid, which is self responsibility, is what is needed. It must be walked. The gift of life as the physical is what we must accept and become equal and one to. This is the only way to life. This means no blame and no spite can exist within as a movement of each of us. And no one can do this for us. We each must do this for ourselves. Ironically, this means accepting the gift of life, here.

So, I was “ going into” with all the concentration and focus I am able to be at present, a pain that appeared in my stomach area. Very small needle like burning. As I focused on this, suddenly it appeared as a unfolding of a clear fabric like substance, which then turned into like a glass platform, this huge triangular geometric shape opening at the end of this image, this form. Then an image, a memory. I was in middle school standing in the orchestra room, looking over at my ex-”best friend” sitting with her “ new group.” The emotion game like a puff of smoke and it moved into a projection as a personification of myself, like this was a part of the presence of me. What was behind this, in a way, was more of an awareness of the whole situation, where i could see that my ex-friend’s choice had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with her own decisions. At the same time, I realized that I had been doing the same thing in many ways, gathering data of this human social construct and weighing and measuring what directions to take within it. And that everyone was doing this. This was like seeing many leaves move on a tree, like seeing all the interactions at once. Within this the realization that my friend had not “ rejected” me, she was as I, as all of us, looking for what would support our survival, what would make us “ more,” what would lead to what would hide our insecurities and/or increase what we believed had value.

Suddenly, what I had believed, was not the whole story. It was only a part, and that part was from my own sense of pride. As we mature as adults, we realize these things were mis takes. But unless we self forgive them, speaking this, the resonance of it does not suddenly disappear. 

The another pain came, this time in my foot, and it was myself, younger, standing at a ballet bar, in a leotard, raising my leg. And there it was, a thought, the thought was, “ I am special.” This was not so much directed at another, it was from a joy of the structure I was learning, but the thought was that ‘I” was special. Seemingly innocent but self centered. And yet, here as well, to see what else, as the good behind the limiting thought that existed, as this memory opened, but that one thought was done in self interest, and this was what was made huge and became a part of the personification of myself, as I see this, the presence of this is a part of what is projected as an entity of myself. One aspect made huge in a moment of self interest, where behind it is the life and the value. The self interest need not exist. and within this I suppose there is more layered within. It would make sense, why we have been told not to judge, because such moments of judgements are separations from what is the value, which is to realize that the value is life, in each breathe here, where there is no need for self interest as a more than. And in many ways, we are taught this within our society - which means what we are taught leads to our demise. I mean, I had heard said that many precocious children stop expanding as their early promise when the reach their mid twenties. Is it that the collective positive reinforcement becomes the reinforcement of limitation as self aggrandizement?

I could see where this one thought done with what would be considered an innocent pride could lead to eventually believing myself to have been hurt when my friend changed her game plan in middle school. My reaction was based on a feeling of pride. I clearly had no understanding of how I was composed, and yet, I did if I had simply made the choice to look at the whole context of how others moved around me. Instead I allowed my own emotional storm as a fear of loss consume me.

Now, after this another memory game, it was of myself standing in defiance, arms crossed. I was going to prove my worth, that I was more than the choice my friend had made. I ended up taking a route that in the end kept me very busy, and I never had to do with my ex-friend again. But my impetus was as a reaction, and based in self interest and insecurity as I had denied self awareness within common sense, i followed and reacted to ideas of loss instead. I directed from a starting point as an idea that ignored the behaviors of humans within the physical world around me. And, everyone was moving into ideas of what was more within such a limited context, everyone acting in self interest, a blindness to reality. All looking for definition and hiding emotional insecurities that existed because of the separation! That is just insane. it is true that we argue our own limitations. I believe that the boy in the story The Tin Drum screamed because he simply imitated the behaviors of men, the constant scream of limitation.

What desteni talks about we all know we are doing. We can see the memories that have accumulated, and the cries of them trying to show us our own limitation. They are layered, and they grow and spread through our physical bodies, tearing at our flesh, but we do not hear them, even as we age and become stiff, unable to flex our backs. Wanting to sleep as the weight of our separation bears down with each passing year.

With self forgiveness, writing and self corrective application, just as Bernard Poolman revealed, as the separations are self forgiven, a lite-ness comes, a lessening of the burden of the judgements of the need to fear, of the need to vent. That initial spot on my stomach became lighter, of less weight. As I self forgive these memories I become lighter, more flexible. It is the most amazing feeling. It is an incredible relief.  So, you see, the choice of self forgiveness, writing and corrective application within walking the desteni I process is a gift to self of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have allowed myself to believe that my friend had rejected me.

i forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to look beyond my own limitations as judgements as mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to look at my friend and with spite and blame become an accusation as a judgement that she hurt me in leaving me to become part of another group.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel hurt.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel humiliated.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel inferior, in and as judging the the new group as being mature and sophisticated.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel inferior to this new group, because they were all turning into young women and I was not.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my friend was changing physiologically and wanted to be with others within the same experience, which I probably would have done as well given the values of the present accepted and allowed system as men on earth, thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have blamed my friend for rejecting me, and within this judging her group as stuck up.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to others without seeing realizing and understanding changes and what is a good within and as wanting to explore new situations , even though within the limited platform accepted and allowed by men that ignores the development of self as life in common sense where there is really no choice but the choice of what is best for all, which means being aware of physical existence.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see to the whole as the movement of men as mind consciousness systems in separation and as such hiding accepted limitations as the consequence of lack of common sense and to see realize and understand that within this, this separation is unacceptable, but also to realize that i was the same and as this made judgements and reacted to this limitation instead of taking the time to look at the whole as this and to realize the only solution was to remain as myself in common sense which is myself being empathetic and realizing that there is no such thing as being rejected as I am here able to stand in common sense and realize that I as life  can either choose to move as what is best for all and allow myself as life to exist, or believe that the self interested actions of others define me.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that it was I who judged myself as being rejected, and within this it was myself who was in fact the one rejecting within and as separating myself from common sense, here.

When and as I find myself beginning to judge the actions of another, I stop and I breath and I walk in their shoes and realize that more than likely, within the present accepted and allowed system I would make the same choice, and even within this, to realize the choices of others does not define who and what I am as it is what I project onto others  that I allow to become a limited definition of what i experience in the absence of respecting myself as life.

When and as I find myself judging another for the choices they make I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I see realize and understand that IN realizing with empathy and compassion, as in using my heart, myself as hearth, as earth I can slow myself down and realize in common sense the whole, and see, realize and understand I can choose judgement as hurt or I can stop and breath and use the ability of myself as heart to common sense the whole and place and move within and as what is best for all, which is myself as the lightness of being here, realizing that the value is being here, one and equal to life, giving as I would like to receive, and in this instance, realizing that my friend was simply choosing what fit the experiences she was walking in the moment and that right there before me an experience that lead to myself becoming more aware within a certain context.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an idea as a thought within and as me as pride, to be proud of myself for what i have achieved and within this to not have realized that what was the value was there behind the thought as the realization that it was the structure that as in self development as a physical being that was the value.

i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that I am special.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i was special.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from being equal and one in common sense of the whole and to accept a thought as myself as being special to become more than the actual physical context as an expression in and as life here.

When and as I find myself within and as a persona, as an entity life presence as pride, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I bring myself back into and as common sense as the heart of me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a reaction as a belief that i need to prove my worth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe myself inferior to another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to then create a fantasy that I am superior to another and as this to criticize the action of another which is myself acting in protection and self defense based on a fear of loss and within this to believe that this defines me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to the choices of another within limited insight.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that within the play-outs in middle school the experiences probably would not have changed, but within them myself as less reactive and more aware as what I was as how I was within being more aware of the whole as I was capable of as common sense.

Thus when and as I find myself reacting emotionally I stop and I breath and I check my thoughts and my judgements and I slow myself down and use my heart, myself as earth, as the physical and I see, realize and understand the whole in and as looking at the whole context of here which at the moment is men in separation within a system that is the consequence of separation into a knowledge of good and evil which is judgement as separation from common sense of the whole and thus as such lacking practical application within understanding and respecting the value being life here, thus, I slow myself down and choose what is best for all, here.

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Day 316 What are memories? What is consciousness? A bubble of separation?

When I react to what is said about another within and as being a judgement, as in not looking at the details of what is here becoming equal and one to them, without making any assumptions or value judgement, looking at the values for what they are and the forms of what is here, how disconnected humans are from what is happening to life on this planet, life that is the same in all of us here, all being everything, it is easier to see how reaction is a blind spot, where all one exists as is separation from actual physical reality.
All justifications are in fact self interest in not wanting to look, in not wanting to see, in not picking self up and becoming life of absolute compassion, looking at as manyconsequences as one is able to grasp, through investigation. This done within asking questions, until a point is reached where a realization exists that any suffering is self in a state of disease, as self as life cannot be here as life, until all life is here, as life, meaning self directive. Self directive means no judgement, no sense of one thing as being more than another, and is anything realizing that an emotional reaction is a disconnect from self direction, which is a disconnect from life here.
I looked at someone today and said to them, “You are a resonant being” and they laughed. Then i asked them if they had any memories, and what memories were, how were they held onto, what would this quality be. So, the fact that we have memories means we are able to resonate with imagery, and imagery can have values attached to it. Ever heard of the word “ nostalgia”? And would the emotions and feelings attached to memories not be considered “good or bad”? And would not soldiers suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome be the effects of horrific experiences/memories caused by war? This is to say a memory is a resonance within us. And depending on the memory, there is a value of good energy or bad energy, thus the memory can have a value as positive or negative.
Then, to take this even further, why would a memory be needed that triggers either a good nostalgic feeling or a bad traumatic feeling? And why have such an occupation as self as life here on earth? Is this necessary and does this allow one to actually be here, I mean why wallow in a “good” memory when one could be here actually being such an experience as what one lives in every moment, meaning directing oneself here on earth without the need for a postcard as a resonance from the past? And why would a trauma exist with energetic emotions of fear and terror? What would create such a thing, especially knowing that memory exists! And if that memory is one that is unbearable, why has it not been seen in common sense that the action that created the memory is an unbearable state of being, and therefor unacceptable, why program such? And if such programming exists, what would happen if the absence of traumatic program were the presence of all of us?
Are our memories showing us where we have run to values, and as such removed ourselves from here, as what exists on earth is an actual removal from looking at here, because for each of us, we would not want the atrocities that exist to happen to us; can’t imagine any of us wanting a child born with horrible deformities such as the ones caused by depleted uranium used in the Irag war. Not one of us able to read this blog would want this, so how and why do we allow this to exist? And would not images of such haunt us? And would this not then be a memory, a resonance as a picture made of wavelengths and vibes and pixels embedded within our flesh, and if this is what happens to the human, then would it not be for the human to ensure that such does not exist on earth, so that what is here is cared for and “clean” of any potential resonance that causes trauma and/or a reaction of disgust/shame/horror/pain/disbelief, and many more?
Even if we wanted to hide from this, and believe that such should not be posted on FB, then can this be a solution? I mean, such abuse exists and it is not going to go away.What if it is like the debt that just gets bigger and bigger and bigger, that is the outcome of usury, that which we were warned against and Jesus was “shut up” for exposing - and others as well?
If the human body is seen as a machine, one that holds resonances, and is given the gift of life but abuses this, all consequence of accepted and allowed actions that are not supportive of life - something that can in no way go unnoticed because it is not in ACCORD with life, , because the separation from what supports all life remains resonant within because it was an action that had not considered all life, then what would remain that shows the separation? Would it be memories that are values of supposed “good” and what then would happen as well, as this is how the machine works, memories of “bad” events are also embedded, as this was the actions allowed on earth, and as the actions this is what is mirrored within? So, what we are, is what we become within, what we allow on earth is what we become within. What we create as the voice on earth, as the actions we allow, is what we become, what we mirror within.

We can run and hide from this, we can run and hide in the good memories, but eventually there is no escape, because meanwhile, the physical world has not reached an expression where what becomes resonant within as the human has no polarity of a good or a bad, and there would be no need to have a memory to be something pulled up to entertain oneself, because here, as the physical world would be absolutely fulfilling in and as existing one and equal to and as life. There would not even be the need for a separate “heaven”, or an alternate reality, because here, would be the sounding of life, absolutely, no need for a re-sound, or even if there were such a thing, it would be as what memory is, a map of what is here, to then be used to perhaps help learn to be here, equal and one to and as the physical, all life equal here, within and without, above and below.
The can be no escape from this. If we take the time to look at this, it makes so much sense, it can be no other way.
Thus, the present system without, is a reflection of the system we have allowed within. it is a system of abdication., it is a system where we believe that a value makes us, defines us, but this cannot be, because this is just a state of being, it is not being the action of being, accepting self as experiencing life, so because we feared losing one “state” we held onto this, and within this became an action of self interest in relation to a value, thus dividing life into fixed states, so to speak, and no longer moving as life.
This is judgement, believing one thing to be more than another. A me-more eeeeeee ride. The starting point of fear of loss, as a negative, moving into a justification to create a happiness, and thus a positive “idea” around the me-more eeeeeeee joy ride, in separation from equality and oneness to and as life, here.
So, the hierarchy on earth is a reflection of this separation, and we are all grabbing resources to allow a few to have more, and others to have nothing, and in our fear of loss we are destroying this earth, as we grab resource in self interest, so we can pass our limited values down generation after generation, as we have come to believe that these limited values define us, and that these values have some kind of meaning, and that all our knowledge and information is taken in in separation from life, because it is used in justifying the more than, the state of ourselves holding a value instead of life being the value, where the expressions of life and all the relationships of expression, the ways of expression as the forms of expression, as what is here on earth, being the experience of being as the value and learning to realize this totally as self, to move as this, to be one with this, thus there would be no death. There would be transformation, expansion in awareness.

This makes so much sense with what has been said to us, as the words of Christ, which were so impressive they could not be denied, a religion was built around them. And then this religion, built by men in separation from life, was used to limit and control, so that some hierarchy could exist dimensionally, this unseen by the eyes of men. A whole existence in separation from life. A system we have all accepted and allowed in abdication of life. Our memories showing us how we are not equal to life. Our memories our idol worship, as consciousness, as mind, as image made huge, a resonance into and as energy, as the division of values made more than and less than, stagnant, unmoving, and thus destructive and devolving instead of living. Earth is showing us our separation and thus abuse we allow on earth, the consequence of our accepted and allowed separation. Memories as collections of thoughts singularly lived again and again compound into emotions and feelings, the consequence of perpetual separation from life, from the giving of ourselves as life equal and one within and as what is best for all as the actual physical world.
Thus the systemic inequality, as profit, this belief system placed next to the principle of the understanding and need to do what is best for all, is the limiting “spoke in the wheel that is life,” remove this, and give as one would like to receive, and life can begin, and the resonance of what we are, will equalize itself to and as life, being here, as it is only here that we can actually be, no need to move and wallow in memory, because here, will be life, and the word will become the living word.
A system of profit, of division into more than and less than, a starting point of a fear of loss, because of a separation from life, cannot work and this, evident with what exists on earth, which, in America, is hidden from view, because if Americans would take the time to look, instead of so much denial - which is really just fear of loss - what would be lost would be realized for the limitation that it is - would mean the end of the very need to deny. Life, real living would have no need to deny, would not have the need to tout transparency as a presentation, the presentation of which admits the existence of non-transparency.
A lie has no other option but to scream its existence, to place what hides around it . So, there is no way out. Humpty Dumpty fell and shattered because he built a wall from which to fall, thus Humpty Dumpty created his own skyfall. lol
Individually we are in pieces and collectively we are in pieces. These pieces must come together within and without. This is done alone and all-one together within respecting life, here, so that life can begin.

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