Day 524 Leaving a dog to starve and the American Congress. Time for a change.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2584432/Pet-dog-starved-death-horrific-conditions-trainee-lawyer-specialising-medical-negligence-locked-animal-kitchen-week-went-work.html

Okay, this story really got to me. I wanted to go into statements like “ she should he imprisoned for life.” Or “ she should be tied on a chain and left, without food, I mean she is certainly fat enough.” So, really nasty statements like this. I could even go on. There is no excuse for a grown woman, who holds a degree, to have allowed an animal to suffer like this. 

But, what does this do? Nothing. Does this solve the problem? No. Yet, how could this woman not realize that her dog was trapped on a leash in a kitchen? Why could she not call someone and simply say, look would you go and take this dog? Or, even let the dog go outside, where at least it had some chance of care. No, she left the dog tied up in her ktichen and went and stayed with her mother, for a week. Where else, are we humans so blind to common sense?

Are we blind to an American Congress that earns 174,000$ a year, plus expenses ( and so many being millionaires) while only working 113 days in 2014 while 1/2 of all Americans earn only 25,000$. Obviously, our American Congress is as ignorant, and as blind, and as disrespectful of life as this woman who left a dog to die in her kitchen and went to stay with her mother for a week.

American waters are being polluted, our children are dying from cancers at rates higher than  20 years earlier ( though this has been denied once stated) . The sperm count in our males is down and hidden by changing the accepted ratio of healthy sperm to unviable sperm as a norm. What is the difference here? There is no difference. Both are negligence and abuse of life, a delusional hoping what is inconvenient will somehow go away. It does not just go away, it suffers, horribly.

Such is not the behavior of a leader. I mean look, do you think that this woman is a leader, someone to give responsibility to in any way? Why are we allowing millionaires in a profit based system to make decisions for us, when it is very obvious that the decisions being made are shutting a door on life and walking away? Even actively killing children for self interested gain?

I think it is time to take collective control of our freely given natural resources, and our banks - as Iceland did- and create an economy that respects and cares for the ecology in ways that do no harm, and  as such gives everyone what is needed to live in dignity.

What imaginations would have a woman fear a dog that she had put on a leash? What would become so huge within that she could not face her dog and allow it to die of starvation, a horrible death? What is in her mind has nothing to do with practical physical reality, and our own disbelief tells us that this is so. 

What beliefs are in the minds, the very self direction within making decisions , of our congress men. I mean can they actually really believe that they are somehow different from another man? I mean, just because you can read and write, and do simple math ( because I can’t seriously believe that our congressmen are very good at math) does not mean that a lack of such training ( and it is training - even though most know that when you cut an apple in half you have two halves)  makes one man suffer less than another when not having any food, or any water, or shelter. What we are as humans is a fabric of cells and water, and many other substances. We are organic bodies that require certain things to maintain what we are as this. In this we are all the same. Even dogs and plants and everything of the earth are this. Anything else is a value judgement in accord of a comparison based on a decision to aggrandize one thing over another, and then tout that as being greater, in the face of what is right in front of us, that this earth works because of the different interactions of elements and plants, and animals and their functions. The very fabric of what is here is what holds this together. Thus, the ideas of one thing being more than another and the addictions to these things that are impulsed to be more than another instead of realizing what is here as being functional, is the delusion of men.

So, how does one solve delusion? It is simple, just come back down to earth - if we bring our mental delusions back down to earth, and equalize them to realizing that they are just parts made bigger than life itself, then our little very abusive and destructive humpty-dumpty world will be put back together. So, our little “ heavens” of delusion, that are energetic because they are of lesser dimension and as such a separate reality that must be constantly charged through validation in a game of good verses bad,  must stop. They are meaningless.

So, when someone comes and says “ I can’t” or ‘ I don’t like…” or “ but it is dirty” or “ they have no talent” or “ she is stupid” or “ I can’t bear to take care and face my dog” then know it is not the dog, it is not the other person, it is you, you are lost in your energetic mind of limited values, and that this is a complete lack of responsibility to life. You have in essence rejected life. It is that simple. Why should another suffer because of your separation from life?

It is time to realize what you have accepted and allowed as belief that separates you from life.

Walk the desteni I process lite. Know what you have composed yourself as that is not equal to life.

Listen to the interviews on Eqafe.com to understand your separtion. begin the journey to life to bring an end to others suffering because we work so hard at being ignorant.

Day 491 Walking the process of the pain into a lightness of being. DIP Journey to life.

Pains come up with becoming equal as in walking the journey to life, the journey back in equality and oneness to and with the physical. These pains appear suddenly, feeling like needles are ripping through the flesh of the physical body that we humans have ignored, separated ourselves from as we choose the limitations of belief, opinion and idea, as a mind consciousness system. This is why our bodies stiffen with age and we do not notice because we are living in our minds as projections of ideological belief. When we choose to realize that what exists as what we are and as what this allows on this earth, there is no other choice but to stop and look and change the present system on this earth. To do this, the one thing we all seem to avoid, which is self responsibility, is what is needed. It must be walked. The gift of life as the physical is what we must accept and become equal and one to. This is the only way to life. This means no blame and no spite can exist within as a movement of each of us. And no one can do this for us. We each must do this for ourselves. Ironically, this means accepting the gift of life, here.

So, I was “ going into” with all the concentration and focus I am able to be at present, a pain that appeared in my stomach area. Very small needle like burning. As I focused on this, suddenly it appeared as a unfolding of a clear fabric like substance, which then turned into like a glass platform, this huge triangular geometric shape opening at the end of this image, this form. Then an image, a memory. I was in middle school standing in the orchestra room, looking over at my ex-”best friend” sitting with her “ new group.” The emotion game like a puff of smoke and it moved into a projection as a personification of myself, like this was a part of the presence of me. What was behind this, in a way, was more of an awareness of the whole situation, where i could see that my ex-friend’s choice had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with her own decisions. At the same time, I realized that I had been doing the same thing in many ways, gathering data of this human social construct and weighing and measuring what directions to take within it. And that everyone was doing this. This was like seeing many leaves move on a tree, like seeing all the interactions at once. Within this the realization that my friend had not “ rejected” me, she was as I, as all of us, looking for what would support our survival, what would make us “ more,” what would lead to what would hide our insecurities and/or increase what we believed had value.

Suddenly, what I had believed, was not the whole story. It was only a part, and that part was from my own sense of pride. As we mature as adults, we realize these things were mis takes. But unless we self forgive them, speaking this, the resonance of it does not suddenly disappear. 

The another pain came, this time in my foot, and it was myself, younger, standing at a ballet bar, in a leotard, raising my leg. And there it was, a thought, the thought was, “ I am special.” This was not so much directed at another, it was from a joy of the structure I was learning, but the thought was that ‘I” was special. Seemingly innocent but self centered. And yet, here as well, to see what else, as the good behind the limiting thought that existed, as this memory opened, but that one thought was done in self interest, and this was what was made huge and became a part of the personification of myself, as I see this, the presence of this is a part of what is projected as an entity of myself. One aspect made huge in a moment of self interest, where behind it is the life and the value. The self interest need not exist. and within this I suppose there is more layered within. It would make sense, why we have been told not to judge, because such moments of judgements are separations from what is the value, which is to realize that the value is life, in each breathe here, where there is no need for self interest as a more than. And in many ways, we are taught this within our society - which means what we are taught leads to our demise. I mean, I had heard said that many precocious children stop expanding as their early promise when the reach their mid twenties. Is it that the collective positive reinforcement becomes the reinforcement of limitation as self aggrandizement?

I could see where this one thought done with what would be considered an innocent pride could lead to eventually believing myself to have been hurt when my friend changed her game plan in middle school. My reaction was based on a feeling of pride. I clearly had no understanding of how I was composed, and yet, I did if I had simply made the choice to look at the whole context of how others moved around me. Instead I allowed my own emotional storm as a fear of loss consume me.

Now, after this another memory game, it was of myself standing in defiance, arms crossed. I was going to prove my worth, that I was more than the choice my friend had made. I ended up taking a route that in the end kept me very busy, and I never had to do with my ex-friend again. But my impetus was as a reaction, and based in self interest and insecurity as I had denied self awareness within common sense, i followed and reacted to ideas of loss instead. I directed from a starting point as an idea that ignored the behaviors of humans within the physical world around me. And, everyone was moving into ideas of what was more within such a limited context, everyone acting in self interest, a blindness to reality. All looking for definition and hiding emotional insecurities that existed because of the separation! That is just insane. it is true that we argue our own limitations. I believe that the boy in the story The Tin Drum screamed because he simply imitated the behaviors of men, the constant scream of limitation.

What desteni talks about we all know we are doing. We can see the memories that have accumulated, and the cries of them trying to show us our own limitation. They are layered, and they grow and spread through our physical bodies, tearing at our flesh, but we do not hear them, even as we age and become stiff, unable to flex our backs. Wanting to sleep as the weight of our separation bears down with each passing year.

With self forgiveness, writing and self corrective application, just as Bernard Poolman revealed, as the separations are self forgiven, a lite-ness comes, a lessening of the burden of the judgements of the need to fear, of the need to vent. That initial spot on my stomach became lighter, of less weight. As I self forgive these memories I become lighter, more flexible. It is the most amazing feeling. It is an incredible relief.  So, you see, the choice of self forgiveness, writing and corrective application within walking the desteni I process is a gift to self of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have allowed myself to believe that my friend had rejected me.

i forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to look beyond my own limitations as judgements as mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to look at my friend and with spite and blame become an accusation as a judgement that she hurt me in leaving me to become part of another group.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel hurt.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel humiliated.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel inferior, in and as judging the the new group as being mature and sophisticated.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel inferior to this new group, because they were all turning into young women and I was not.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my friend was changing physiologically and wanted to be with others within the same experience, which I probably would have done as well given the values of the present accepted and allowed system as men on earth, thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have blamed my friend for rejecting me, and within this judging her group as stuck up.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to others without seeing realizing and understanding changes and what is a good within and as wanting to explore new situations , even though within the limited platform accepted and allowed by men that ignores the development of self as life in common sense where there is really no choice but the choice of what is best for all, which means being aware of physical existence.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see to the whole as the movement of men as mind consciousness systems in separation and as such hiding accepted limitations as the consequence of lack of common sense and to see realize and understand that within this, this separation is unacceptable, but also to realize that i was the same and as this made judgements and reacted to this limitation instead of taking the time to look at the whole as this and to realize the only solution was to remain as myself in common sense which is myself being empathetic and realizing that there is no such thing as being rejected as I am here able to stand in common sense and realize that I as life  can either choose to move as what is best for all and allow myself as life to exist, or believe that the self interested actions of others define me.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that it was I who judged myself as being rejected, and within this it was myself who was in fact the one rejecting within and as separating myself from common sense, here.

When and as I find myself beginning to judge the actions of another, I stop and I breath and I walk in their shoes and realize that more than likely, within the present accepted and allowed system I would make the same choice, and even within this, to realize the choices of others does not define who and what I am as it is what I project onto others  that I allow to become a limited definition of what i experience in the absence of respecting myself as life.

When and as I find myself judging another for the choices they make I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I see realize and understand that IN realizing with empathy and compassion, as in using my heart, myself as hearth, as earth I can slow myself down and realize in common sense the whole, and see, realize and understand I can choose judgement as hurt or I can stop and breath and use the ability of myself as heart to common sense the whole and place and move within and as what is best for all, which is myself as the lightness of being here, realizing that the value is being here, one and equal to life, giving as I would like to receive, and in this instance, realizing that my friend was simply choosing what fit the experiences she was walking in the moment and that right there before me an experience that lead to myself becoming more aware within a certain context.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an idea as a thought within and as me as pride, to be proud of myself for what i have achieved and within this to not have realized that what was the value was there behind the thought as the realization that it was the structure that as in self development as a physical being that was the value.

i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that I am special.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i was special.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from being equal and one in common sense of the whole and to accept a thought as myself as being special to become more than the actual physical context as an expression in and as life here.

When and as I find myself within and as a persona, as an entity life presence as pride, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I bring myself back into and as common sense as the heart of me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a reaction as a belief that i need to prove my worth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe myself inferior to another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to then create a fantasy that I am superior to another and as this to criticize the action of another which is myself acting in protection and self defense based on a fear of loss and within this to believe that this defines me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to the choices of another within limited insight.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that within the play-outs in middle school the experiences probably would not have changed, but within them myself as less reactive and more aware as what I was as how I was within being more aware of the whole as I was capable of as common sense.

Thus when and as I find myself reacting emotionally I stop and I breath and I check my thoughts and my judgements and I slow myself down and use my heart, myself as earth, as the physical and I see, realize and understand the whole in and as looking at the whole context of here which at the moment is men in separation within a system that is the consequence of separation into a knowledge of good and evil which is judgement as separation from common sense of the whole and thus as such lacking practical application within understanding and respecting the value being life here, thus, I slow myself down and choose what is best for all, here.

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Day 249 - 250 Fear Dimension Self abdication character

Fear Dimension : Self Abdication Character
When I talk with another, I chose my words carefully, and often there is back chat, judgement of the other, based on class values, family values, cultural values. The idea comes to mind that being helpful is the directive, but also to realize that sometimes giving help means one is pulled off the table - so to speak, so it means being careful within giving help. Yet, one must communicate, and within this realize when something was not made clear enough, within self, or within the choice of words for another. In the process be willing to face back lash, and frustration, within reaching equal understanding within terms used and relationships made within the context of expression in the moment, especially in the realization that small degrees of difference in class and values, as how we live at the moment, are not really understood in the heat of reaction within self judgement. Defensive remarks on my part, indicate a lack of clarity, and within this to realize that I am entering into becoming fearful where what needs be done, is sometimes to just admit this, to calm the waters, and then move into restatement and thus understanding.
There are those times when, within conversation, things end on a note of “winning” as in a statement is made thus a belief that because a singular statement has been made, there is no further to go. And yet, often this is not the case, what has happened is a step within clarification only, there remains a string of consequences still to be walked. And , yet, even here, a micro step has been walked, and that is all, no fanfare of glory accompaniment, it is what it is.
The principle of what is best for all, as common sense of what exists on earth, is the directive. As what is best for all manifested as a system will create equality, sustainability and stability, and thus to see this on a micro scale within behavior, there is no need to control, or win, or fear, as a respect for life, as life is the only choice.
The nature of consciousness if to defend limitations, and to become bullish within this. This happens in protection and defense and as the expression of the person, crying what isbullying within as the fear of loss based on limited self development within awareness of what self is as mind, and the perceptive lack of seeing life for what it is as the physical, as emotional and feeling polarities of separation will the expression of the person in their separation from equality, from stability. Thus the expression of consciousness is the system without, where the role play taught supports this inequality, and the behaviors within as this whole system teaches ignorance, suppression and a deliberate loss of common sense of the whole.
I think if a picture I saw on FB today, where a person is taking a picture of a cow being slaughtered and another cow is there baying at the person taking the picture. The caption is the voice of the cow baying - so to speak- where the cow is importuning the photographer to help him, begging him to save him ( the cow) from becoming what he is watching. This is how out of touch the human is from life, as consciousness. I can imagine the back lash as mind if I spoke up about this. Such backlash is always emotional, either lifeless with indifference, or emotional - as energetic reaction- with guilt, both lack compassion as life.
Real hurt is a suppression of life. An inability to exist within common sense. Is this why we have so many adults in complaint in this world, and in physical lack, as what exists is the hurt of suppression as life, as the bullying system as consciousness began on day one within the home by parents existing within what has become as the within on the without as the present system of inequality, as profit for a few who are the most aggressive bullies, as the ones who went with the suppression of common sense as life, justaccepting in the realization that there appeared to be no way out? is this what is meant by the “weak shall inherit the earth”? And who are the weak in this system? Is it man? Is it certain members of men? I don’t think so, I think it is that cow that is the weak, it is the animals and the plants> Men are so used to thinking only in “manly” terms that the idea the collectively some men will remain is the illusion, the weak are the animals, and they as nature, which is what and who has been weakened, will be what remains.
I look back at my behaviors. I had a roommate in NewYork tell me one day - as this comes up- that I appeared to not mind to be alone. I looked at him and thought, really, am I this, but then I thought about it and i did not mind being alone.
I would escape from the world, needing time alone, and I would say to myself it was to clear myself up, meaning, it was not that I disliked people it was just that i needed a break from them.
Then I think of having fevers as a child, wanting it to go away, and curling up in a ball until it passed and within this becoming really silent within, as somehow this made the process of the fever move faster. I don’t like to be pampered when I am sick, I just want to curl up in a ball and become really quiet.
The point is that here need be no hurt, and thus no controls within the principle of what is best for all, as directive. This stabilizes, this sustains self, this is equality as life here, and as life there is the capacity to move equal and one as self as life in commonsense of what is best for all, as life has the ability to investigate and see itself, and when a mis take is made, it is to simply smile as life and realize self expanding in under standing life, which is to have the capacity to under stand self and express self as life. no suppression needed, no hurt necessary, no desire for control.
This is to capitalize on this gift of the physical as life, to become one and equal to and as life, in common sense with this physical world, as it is life, equal and one as myself here. When this is within, as what i am, this will become what is without. As this present system of capital division into more and less, is abusing and hurting life, as the cow is so clearly expressing, those that are the weak within this system that is criminal towards life.
So, my self abdication is a fear of being hurt, of being slaughtered, as myself as life. So, I suppress myself in fear of the bullying paddle and the back lash of the parasite of consciousness, a judging mind made huge into beliefs, opinions and ideas of more than and less than, creating such a state of insanity, as fear , that alternate realities of salvation are imagined to hide form the pain of the suppression of self as life within, as this parasite as consciousness consumes the human flesh to keep the televised superstition as imagined nations running as seeming entertainment as a picture show of fairy tale fantasy, the story presented the dialogue of how such separation exists as judgements of less than and more than, the good and the bad. Step back and breath, and the shadow of this hallowed existence can be seen. If we look to our flesh and this earth, it is obvious that the physical is being consumed.
Yes, I can become the slaughtered cow, and or the cow that is next in line, yet as life I will remain, but the method of transformation of life here within this present system is not one to be retold or have any pride for, as it is abusive of this gift, and we have wrapped this gift up within a system of inequality that is best forgotten of cleaned up and aligned within the realization that being life is the value. Obviously, the human has not become self responsible as life, and it is time to become this within myself and to stand and support a system that reflect self responsibility within respect for life, as life on this planet.

Thus, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I can be hurt, that i can be bullied.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being hurt.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abdicate myself as life, into and as a fear that i can be hurt.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that what happened to me as a child can happen to me here, as an adult.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear, to become a past memory as a definition of what i am here, as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must suppress myself as a means of protection and defense, to shut myself down and hide within myself to silence the back lash, and the bulling voice of belief, opinion and idea of limited values, of more than and less than energetic expression in separation from life, where I exist as the suppression of the principle of oneness in equality, this a common sense as life, here, voiced and self directed within self honesty as what is best for all is best for self.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow the habit of suppression in and as fear of hurt which then becomes guilt, self hate, and shame, voiced as spite and blame in hiding the suppression as the choice self as life has made.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear voicing what I see within and as realeyes within and as catering to social norms taught as a belief that I will hurt someone’s feelings/emotions, which are a composite of accepted and allowed beliefs, opinions and ideas valuing traditions become assumptions without the use of common sense investigation of what is real, as how such traditions have become imbedded as culture, and thus a culture of fear, suppression and such beliefs as “hurting someone’s feelings.”
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that feelings and emotions can be hurt, which is myself not looking at the emotion and the feeling in common sense to realize the belief behind the emotion and the feeling to see, realize and understand that such belief is based on a fear of loss, which is to say a loss through fear, where fear is separation from self as life, meaning a separation from self realeyesing equality and oneness with and as what is physically here as being equal and one as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand within and as each and every breath, within and as the principle of oneness and equality, the simplicity of realizing that fear is a separation from life, and thus a self abdication of self as life, where if self is life here as the physical, then obviously self has total and absolute ability within and as being, living, existing within common sense of what is here as the physical.
I commit myself to, with and as every breath, to remain here within and as the actual real text as the physical, to see, realize and understand common sense, and within this to investigate present existential structures denying the basic needs of what is supportive of this physical world as life, where life is the value.
I commit myself to stop and to breath, and to see, realize and understand that I as life, can stop and can breath, and can slow myself down and apply, instead of abdicate, myself as life, here, as equality and oneness with and as life, here, harbors no hurt, as it is directive, and brings imagination and illusion back down to earth, through directive application with the text of life as this actual, real, physical world, the gift to birth self as life, equal and one into and as the physical.
I commit myself to slowing myself down, in and as breath, to see realize and understand the movement of emotions and feelings moving up into my chest, as compoundedthoughts based on generational traditions composed into and as beliefs, opinions and idea in separation from real eyeseeing what is here in common sense as the physical world, as the mind consists of images/pictures/thoughts/ imaginations, where if an image in separation of life , as mind, is made what is real, can the illusion be controlled and used tomanipulate the movement of men within this physical world, which is what paper money is, a picture representation of the real resources of this world and the value within the use of freely given resources used to support life, thus are such characters developed as a singular man being the developer of a nation, when this is obviously an illusion, as it was the hands of men that built a nation using freely given resources, yet what was presented was one as an image superimposed through media and story, an image made huge in separation from what actually physically created what exists, which is all men, which can be realized though the presentation of an idea as a superhero, which in fact does not exist, and has never built anything, where what the supposed singular - as one man- nation builders were really just a type of administrator of the flow of resource via a picture as a piece of paper given a value, thus what actually physically exists is other than the illusion/idea presented as history, which should really be called ustory, manstory.
i commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that my thoughts, emotions and feelings are a warped reality of want, need and desire, as limited values made huge to serve a more than and a less than in separation from reality, thus I skim though life chasing limitations of my own common sense of all life, and thus do I miss the expression of myself as life, where my development has been to follow illusion as parts made huge, and the behavior of blame and spite, of self pity and longing, when my illusions are not met, as they cannot be met and sustained as they are in ignorance of equality and oneness in and as life, here.
I commit myself to no longer allowing and accepting myself to fear losing my own accepted and allowed illusions, as thought, emotion and feeling based on limited desire , want and need, to realize what is sought in common sense is myself as life, and thus is my longing myself seeking life away from the howling storm of emotion, thought and feeling.
I commit myself to no longer abdicate myself as life through looking at what practically exists here, to face what images appear in and as my mind, based on my past of which they are composed as judgements ignorant of physical reality, an image in separation from common sense and thus infearior to life.

Desteni

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Day 52 Opposition

I was in a store today to buy a product i have bought many times. The sales people denied this product ever being there, and said there was not even a slot for this product. For a moment I went into fear, as thought there was something wrong with me, maybe I was in the wrong place, even thought I had empty product bottles at home. I realize at this moment how the mind can lead one to doubt, everyone around you saying something does not exist and you know it does.

This has happened to me before, and I go into confusion.  Absolute fear/doubt.

Interesting, I play the damsel in distress, as one of my first memories of interacting with my father. I keep thinking that I had been scared by something, an object - like a snapping turtle in the yard or something - yet here, this fear has to do with feeling like I am not relating to the people around me, they are saying the opposite of what I am saying in the face of my own certainty, where I know it is just a misunderstanding. These sales people would instantly recognize what I was talking about if they saw this product, as it has been in this store. Of this I am certain. I did not become frustrated, I realized I had to show them, and in that moment I could not, but this would be cleared so I let it go.

In high school there was a state test I had to pass in tenth grade to graduate. I passed. The next year they said I had to take this again. I wondered. Junior year the NYC school system said I had to take this test again. I did not. I dod not go. I did not want to beef up the numbers for the NYC public schools, this was hiding what was really going on in the schools - not that my act did anything because it did not- but the fear I experienced in not taking the test, where my friends were saying I was going to get into trouble ( which was true, but that I was one, it did nothing and I did not face trouble) was strong, that same fear, that shaking in not following. This was the same feeling that came up when the store sales people were telling me I was mistaken and that the product I wanted had never been in this store.

Intense pain within the side of my left ribcage as I write this!

Is this pride that I did not take this test, or is this standing towards, opposition without righteous reaction, where it is not the opposition but the reaction to opposition as in standing firm in opposition, calmly and humbly, without self pity in believing myself to be misunderstood. Such opposition need not have any emotion.

Not taking the test in high school did nothing, and even a group would have caused problems, or simply been dismissed that year, and the entire system that supports the manipulation of test scores must be looked at and stopped.

Restating that a product did exist and proving this in the immediate face of opposition, even when looking in the computer, was not going to change the moment, these sales people needed to see the product, of which I had an empty bottle at home, so I would bring this in, or they would realize at another time, suddenly, what I was talking about.

So within standing up to opposition, it is simply to review what I know express this and clear up the misunderstanding, any emotion or “wanting to win’ is not going to work.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear opposition.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that the sales people were probably in fear of making a mistake.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that I can look at what is here and explain myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear opposing others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to at times go into frustration and anger as reaction to such situations, as I believe what I am saying is obvious, when as what the people around me are within, wether they have never thought about what exists and only fear not being agreeable or really, within a moment have become completely blank about something, where anger and righteous fear will not remember that person to what is physically real, where anger will only breed more frustration and righteousness instead of clarity.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to realize that standing within stubborn persistence is also not a solution, as though my stubborn emotion of persistence has some magical quality, where what is needed is actual proof, and this within the given moment is not readily available and thus within my self I must simply stop until evidence is available.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within opposition.

I commit my self to breathing, to standing and stopping within a situation of opposition , where I look at what is common sensibly here and review what I am within opposition.

I commit my self to trusting my self in the face of opposition, to stand in common sense, with humility and care, as there are times when I believe I “know” when in fact I will not.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting myself to resist writing this, as I am becoming very tired, and want to shut my eyes and go to sleep.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am tired.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel lethargic and to think about doing something else at this moment.

i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see opposition as criticism of myself instead of looking at what exists in common sense and placing myself in the moment, within slowing down my breath, to place mywelf within breath and remaining here - interesting that I wrote mywelf which is mywealth?

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize my wealth is myself within breath in common sense, saying no to the mind entering a gloom and doom and fear stance of self doubt instead of using the tools of breath and grounding myself within the wealth of myself as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize with every breath that what is real is myself within breath in the physical, that this is being and not an idea in my mind that presents a fear of loss thought and emotion and feeling as being separate from opposition, when I am not separate from opposition,, opposition is another insight that will become agreement or reveal to myself insight lacked, where any emotion is separation as emotion cannot be directive as it is separation from the whole and unstable in nature.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see opposition as a burden.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow opposition to become a burden, where opposition means denying another when in fact opposition is merely looking at what is here , in and as breath, and using common sense, and thus facing opposition is neither a burden or a threat of loss.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that should i not agree with opposition something will be lost.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that life is an expression, and thus, believing what is here to be in opposition is not to realize the ability of life, within and without to transcend accepted and allowed limited beliefs, opinions and ideas as what has been accepted and allowed.

I commit myself to breath, to the wealth of this physical world as my human physical body in breath.

I commit myself to  seeing opposition as one and equal to me.

I commit myself to stop myself from placing opposition as a burden to myself.

I commit myself to realizing the substance of life, built of clay is able to transform.

I commit myself to realizing that this ability to see opposition in transformation to agreement as all as one as equal will bring about heaven on earth.

i commit myself to practicing equality and oneness in and as breath to equalize myself with life, this physical world and to enable others to be the value, life, through supporting a system that supports all life, an equal money system, to change opposition from conflict to transformation.

I commit myself for realizing confusion is a personality of fear of loss, of belief in loss, which cannot exist as I am in fact life here one an equal to all that exists.

Breath

Wanting to be agreeable is an addiction, is sex the same?

Day 19: My Legs and Hip Pains- What I have accepted and allowed.

Day 19: My legs and hip pains= what I have accepted and allowed.

Here I attempt to write as the movement of my self as the reading of my self as what I have accepted and allowed as my self as energy and to not simply recite what has been learned as what I am by what i learned/accepted/lived within how I was taught/lived in and as my life, where at this point the voices and desires and wants and needs of my self are with in a pattern of emotion and feeling here in every moment as what I am in separation of my self as life and unless i begin to match these separations in this moment as the image of my self as what I believe I am, as the label of my self and slow down into breath and forgive in detail as what I am here in totality that is causing constriction showing me where I refuse to grab this searation by the fucking balls and bring this back to self humbly and gently to turn and face this storm of energy that a will only seek and explosion in and as positive energy, a high that leads to dissipation, this not wanting to die as this is all I have known, here, to this I must turn, breath an awareness of my self into as what is and cannot satisfy me and is only self punishment as separation is self punishment  and fear of self becoming self as life, to stop the bullshit once and for all of life denial, to give up the cry of fear allowing the vulnerable existence of my self to stand  and become a perpetual state of transformation as life in expression as life, directed by life, as life is what is best for self is best for all.

I forgive my self for allowing  and accepting my self to believe that i must objectify directions and file them away for reference in stead of realizing the very sound of my self as life here, strong and directive as this is what life is and to become this, start from this point and not use an idea of what this in fact means.

I forgive my self for  not allowing and accepting my to stop weighing ideas of who I am to fit into what I do, to maintain a persona to be understood within the society in which i live and instead to face what is here as here as self as life breathing through constriction and clinging to ideas of self, as how i look, as how i should appear, as how I respond to what has been repeated to me as words by relatives and friends and society, that I need the support of a man, the imagery of a man by my side in order to be accepted and listened to as a woman, where the fear of not being this is my self allowing a conditioned existence separate from my self as life, as I am life and thus unconditionable in needing something as object as image as beliefs to create as my self' as an image as a presentation in order to express and interact with life here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to listen to the voice as belief in and as my mind that dictates a lack in accordance with defined and designed relationships, as ideas, opinions and presentations as a woman being next to and in service to the mind of a man, where having lived this service to and as the mind of a man, self sublimates self as life and that of the man, as the support of a man as his personality is the support of the insecurities of said man, and the continuance of the man in separation of himself, that which he seeks above all else yet also, as a man, believes is answered and found through the support of a woman, when in fact such a scenario of the impossible dream, as this man must stand as himself, removing the ideas and beliefs as imagery, just as I must, and self direct as life, must find his own spark as life and stand vulnerable as that, thus in believing this resonance as what has been taught I become separate from my self and disallow what is best for all and thus best for my self and the other point in the relationship that in totality is separation from self , as this relation is clung to as it is a limitation inconsiderate of the whole and unaware of itself as life , as this life being able to self direct from a point of clarity as self' as life, no longer shackled to separation where objects of guidance are created that are of eternal separation and not self facing self as what is actually eternal, this nothing that is everything, this nothing that does not judge, this no thing of need for support, this place of forgiving as self to life where fear does not exist.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that my accepted and allowed separations are the hooks of my mind , clinging to energy, believing energy to be real when this energy is actual dissipation and the real sense of falling, where as the self as life in humility is self breathing, where the very constrictions and non awarenesses of my self within and as breath show me the very limiting factors of the power of my self as life, where this self is muddied and held within a fuzzy logic unable to accept and allow breath as the constriction  is a firebrand of self separation  that I am in shame of believe is a punishment for what I have accepted and allowed, yet this must be brought back to self and cleaned up, deconstructed as this will life not/knot into and as eternal separation and a state of want need and desire for like minded clutching and sustenance to support this separation, where this separation will consume itself in energetic union believing this to sustain self when this is actually an ecstasy of death, where in reality this is a death of the separation of what self has accepted and allowed and thus not real, a suicide of self, as it is self in dissipation and not self in self direction as life as what is self, as this life being what is best for self is life and eternal.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see, realize that this consequential play out of self in and as energy leads to death, where as this present system exists, everything is placed to lead to this development and death into and as energy for all and everything on this planet, as this is the fire of hell and not the expression of life, manifest in extreme playouts of constricting and disallowing of natural physical expression of plant , animal, and human, and especially children, where many female children are orphaned and spend days bound in chairs as there is not effort to care for these children, no effete to respect them as life and offer them self development and direction as life, where, as I learned in Romania, much of the financial support for the orphaned children of this country was taken by officials and workers to support their own children, and thus the babies grew without stimulation of any kind, in a pen as a crib, completely undeveloped, as this is what we all accept and allow on this planet in our ignorance of how this system works within a system of profit that is ONLY the manifestation of a game of survival and competition for life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that I am this, I have accepted and allowed these same behaviors in and as my self as i have accepted and allowed the very roles of family, to consider only my immediate family, and within that place my self into support for other family members who themselves have accepted and allowed consideration of themselves as the very substance of life one and equal to all that is here, and that it is only this system of inequality that creates lack, evident within a belief of supply and demand, where in common fucking sense it is known what is needed to support life here, where within even this realization it is blatantly obvious that consumerism does not consider or provide for life, but supports and feeds the energetic desires of men, the energy that is of separation and thus the endless pursuit of  being in and as a substance of stability and constancy, yet consumerism promotes separation by feeling the desires of separation knowing that these desires are never, cannot ever be quenched and thus an endless source of profit.

I forgive my self  for allowing and accepting my self to not recognize the physical movement of a child bound into a pod chair , a movement of 'swaying" to be as my self where I sway as I am in waiting to discover self, not realizing that I am in fact being the experience of waiting and not licking my self up and directing my self here fro fear of making a mistake as this has never been done and the idea of standing alone, an illusion, is what is believed, signifying there remains a fear of death and loss.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear standing alone, to believe that I am standing alone.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize the illusion in and as my mind that letting go of ideas and opinions and images of how i must present my self as the image and likeness of the consumerist ads, is really the road to the death and loss of my self as life, that the leading into energetic experiences as ideals propagated by these ads is eventual un-fulfillment and death of self, where self is so busy dying that there is no life ever having been lived.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to become emotional , here in this moment about all of this.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not watch the self satisfaction of my self as placing words here without any living word substance as real understood power of self in and as common sense, an illusion of knowing can present itself as a seemingly "calm" knowing, but really a rigid obsessive compulsive adherence to a belief in being structurally detailed, where this becomes what is real, yet lack a real directive capacity if scrutinized.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to go into future scenarios where I imagine what my future will be where this very experience of my self is my self in worry and fear of the future, and thus I stop my self and I breath and I look at the beliefs  and I forgive them, and return to my self here, with what is physically here and i realize I can only walk within this physical world step by step, so there is no need to dream of a future as what is here within this moment can only be walked as what is physical here, and that there space to be in common sense of what is here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that the pain in my legs, especially this incredibly hard seeming rod in my left leg, will take time to deconstruct, as I have not allowed the breath as my self to be here in this leg, placing life as awareness into this leg, where this leg has only, in my ignorance of what I have accepted and allowed,  taken the brand as the fire, as the separation as the grid of what I have accepted and allowed as belief , opinion and idea according to what is  directives within a system of inequality where I suppressed life and thus the life of my self went to sleep and it is as though my leg does not want to wake up, so compressed that it is painful to breath life back into and as this leg, yet this must be done as there is no other choice.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not see realize and thus stop through utilizing my breath, to see what I have accepted and allowed in self/life separation the judgements of what I should appear as, what my faults are within non compliance of complete and total image replication of my self , o so I believe, as woman in relation to a man, as home in relation to successful money acquisition to have the picture perfect in-mage and likeness of 

a sales catalogue home,  to believe my self lacking in ability, as in performance in word and deed where I have no real idea of what this lack of really means as I have never stood as my self and walked thus do I criticize my self for something I have never actually even been shown to be, so I criticize my self for something never attempted and thus I am merely criticizing something I know nothing about as I never applied common sense and got to actually experience that which I am just as label of lack as! Insanity.

I forgive my self  for allowing and accepting my self to  not realize that I am my own judge and juror, for my self as life, when in common sense all I have done is imitate images and never directed my self as life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear that I will cause harm to life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that the common sense of me as life, in and as breath will cause harm to life should I speak up within remaining in and as breath, as what is this commonsense of my self as breath will no longer participate in supporting an idea as image that fits into the consumerist model of existence.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am unworthy of life, that this that is the power of me as life, as self is not wanted, when in fact this is my mind messing with me, as this means the death of the mind, the stilling of separation and division into and as energy, the fear of loss of my own accepted and allowed addictions as mind.

I commit my self to breath, I breath, I breath, I breath, into my leg, I bring my self back to life, I stop the fire brand of my mind.

I commit my self to stopping reactions of "this is too hard,"  " I am unworthy," " I just want this to stop," and I breath, knowing the intensity of this is the point where this will soon dissipate as it is indicative of the death of energy seeking an illusion this this is All that is what I exist as.

I commit my self to breath, I stop this depressing sense, feeling of hopelessness as this cannot be life, as this is an illusion as all I have ever known and not myself here that is life, where feelings of unworthiness are a dis-respect of life as what I am, and if I look, I would this on no one, not anyone I know, thus this is an illusion as just as I would not want this for anyone, in common sense it is not something to be thus this feeling of unworthiness makes no sense.

I commit my self to breath, to becoming one and equal to breath, to earth, to heart, all one and the same in construction as what i am here as life.

I commit my self to breath, to breathing and realizing all constrictions and fears and depression as not what is real and only an illusion, where this is the falling of my self into and as separation, and as I breath I will walk with more and more certainty as I am on a journey to life as there is no other choice but this.

Self Perfection Products

Time to clean up this earth.

Will this be your life?

Giving up is "not who you are."