Day 312 Extreme Shock and Trauma: Accidents, Disease, Mental DisOrder

This then brings in the Next Level of Shock, which are: Accidents, Disease, Mental Disorder and Events that Cause Trauma – bringing a Sudden Stop the Consciousness-Illusion. When this Happens, a Chance exist that the Being may become Aware – but because everyone around a Being is Still Trapped in their Consciousness-Illusion: they will do their Utmost to Convince the one in Shock, that the Shock wasn’t Real. And so, Most even with a Great Traumatic Shock – will eventually Return to the Consciousness-Illusion. 
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/03/day-320-awareness-and-conception-in.html

Extreme Shock and Trauma
Bernard Poolman has talked about extreme shock and trauma being a trigger/catalyst for seeing more than consciousness. Well, in my case this is basically what happened.
I found my husband hanging by his neck in the attic of our Zurich apartment building in the Spring of 2000.
We were a normal middle class family, two healthy boys who did well in school,our marriage was not one of argument,we did not drink much, we enjoyed skiing - would ski all day when we skied. We loved to walk and be out in nature. We had friends and dinner parties, swam in the Zurich See. My husband had been going to France on the weekends to fly Ultra-light planes, as he had been a hand glider and loved to fly.
As I understood it, he was the head of the design unit for the renovation of the Zurich Airport, purportedly the biggest project ever in Switzerland at that time. His company had paid for him to take a very expensive managerial course. He also was working with Siemann’s and would fly to England to interact with an engineer, who was English. This engineer would also come to Zurich and stay with us in our apartment. It was a nice apartment, because there were always bird sounds, we were so close to the Zurich See.
I moved back to the states. It must have been about 5 or six weeks after the suicide that my sister “dragged” me out to socialize with the summer crowd at a local restaurant. There I sat at the table with about six or seven other people, all of whom I knew for many years. I was basically numb, like being in a state of nothing. In fact I felt nothing, it was as though everything was nothing. Nothing mattered, nothing, nothing, nothing, all was nothing.
Suddenly, every single person at that table had a bubble around them. Their eyes were not here, they were on the screen in front of their eyes. The big tree that was a part of the patio of this restaurant was blowing in the wind, like a giant stream it seemed, like it was in a stream - come to think of it. Anyway, not one single person at that table was really listening to anyone else. NO one was listening to anyone else. All anyone was doing was trying to ( and I am going to describe it as I saw it at that time) force/pull/divert/get attention onto, themselves. It was like they wanted to prove something, and all that mattered was taking anything, using any word, direct everything to and towards themselves to prove, to win, to substantiate themselves. it was like they were hungry for this and nothing else mattered. And there were like, these stream things moving from their eyes out and then back again - which I think one of the quantum mind interviews on Eqafe describe perfectly as how it was.
Mean while, I am sitting there thinking, what the fuck is that! What is going on, oh my god, what is that, no one is listening to anyone else!!!!! Silence. Okay.
I think at that point i snapped back into nothingness, silence, numbness. I forgot about this but other things started to happen, I started to have some problems with people sometimes. And I started to do odd things like just stop and look at another person, and I would just see them being obsessed with their own story.
I also did not want to talk too much. But this is a state of shock.
About a year later, I was doing my student teaching. I had just taught a lesson on some math process to a fourth grade class. Now, I had anxiety that I was not good enough to teach these children. I actually had thoughts of, how can I do this, I could not save/stop what happened to my husband.
So, I had just finished teaching this lesson, had practiced some of the process with the students and was handing this over for them to do on their own. So, I was standing back and watching the group work quietly on their own. One of the boys looked up from his desk and stared in front of him - like he was “staring a hole in the wall” as the saying goes. ( I mean why so we do this? And why does this have a “name”?) Suddenly, above his head was a metallic looking ball, and it was spinning around. This boy was erratic in his behavior, he could read at a higher level than anyone in the class, and he could figure out math problems that as far as I was concerned, he had not been taught. I knew his parents, they owned a fast food restaurant. Okay, what was that? is what I thought, I actually looked at this thing, and could see it had impressed lines around it, like the stitches on a baseball , it was this deep grey color with a hint of bronze coloring and it spun, like those typewriter balls on electric type writers. Back and forth, changing direction. Can you imagine suddenly seeing something like this? What would you do, it is not like I was sick, I was functioning, eating, doing, living, taking care of children, going to school, just normal like anyone else, and this very strange stuff was happening.
Now something like this had happened in my twenties, and I had seen a bubble like thing around something. I had searched for someone else describing such a thing, but found nothing. The next time I was in New York City I went to that big esoteric book store Samual Weiser? I think it was called, and started to look for someone or something describing a bubble around “things”. This time I found something, it was in a Colin Wilson book, the supposed “great sceptic” where a man who had moved into a house had encountered a “man”, as I remember this, that was a “bear” and he began to speak with this entity. Anyway, he. the man that had this encounter, described a bubble being around this entity. That was the only description I found in twenty odd years until I found desteni.
What I saw as a bubble like facade as the “screen” people were “reading” happened in the summer of 2000. I did not find desteni until 2009. I found them when I had gotten to a point where I did not know where to look anymore, nothing made sense, and something was wrong, in a moment of “ four sheets to the wind” I reached out and asked a question, and desteni answered.
The first video was of Veno in Sunette’s body talking about the mind consciousness system. I think this was the second time in my life that I went into shock, someone was talking about bubbles being round people, about a system in the mind, an inter-dimensional system that limited, that was like a retainment of self abdication as life, manifest as fear, as separation from self as life, which would fit with what I saw, as everyone at that table trying desperately, aggressively, obsessively, trying to get all attention onto them as ideas, and opinions and beliefs to prove that they were “right” that their way was THE WAY, and all of it was a self hiding from facing self as life, here.
What I felt as I saw this, as I moved from seeing this to myself in that moment in 2000, was that I was way, way, way down at the end of some really really long tunnel, so far away, so small, so diminished, so timy, and that whole tunnel before me was my separation from life, that somehow this HUGE thing was a storm so great, that reaching here, as in reaching those around me was a divide. But what I remember from this, was how buried I was within this.
So, yes there are bubbles around all of us, even those no longer in the physical existence as a person in a body, in a physical form. If I can see this so can you. If I look back, I realize that the times these things have happened I was very quiet - so to speak- and evidently this is a trait in another branch of my family history, so I am not “special” within this, as this is something that has been realized here, as part of the story of here. I had a great Aunt, who told me one time that I was like the Riotte family, who were half Mayan, so is this an echo of how the MAyans did what they did, in becoming very quiet, they listened and within this learned to see what is here making a lot of noise right in front of them as their fear and desire to be more than, contained in a bubble?

Everything is here, what we are is in all the stories and words we speak, we have simply separated everything into a quantum structure that evaluates into more and less without application into and as realizing that everything has a value, and that not one value is more than another and in this process we are in separation from life, from being one and equal with and as the sound of life as the substance of life.

Become equal and one to and as LIFE DIP Lite

Day 56 My Husband lit himself on fire /hung himself . Suicide

Day 56 My Husband lit himself on fire /hung himself . Suicide

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not see realize and understand how stressful a system of survival is, where money determines who lives and who dies, determines if my children will have a decent education, will determine where I live, the state of my health and the existence of life on earth in totality, where I as the human, am responsible for the state of existence on earth as it is the hands of men who have built and accepted  and allowed this world as it is to exist, where no god is coming to save us, now or in some after life, as what is real is this physical world, and as this is what is real, as we have not transcended death and no one has seen the supposed make believe after world, this earth is reality and thus is heaven for the human to create, as no real “god” would want his children’s hands held, would instead want his children to learn to stand, to learn to walk, to learn to breath as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that incessant worry and thinking about money and organizing it, and getting it, and maintaining existence for my children within a system that has made money what is god, as money determines life, where banks are allowed to charge countries high interest overblown loans that cannot possibly be paid back, knowing full well that the bank is turning the resources of these countries - which includes human labor-  into economically indentured servitude where the profits are collected by the few based on a signature on a piece of paper which is in contradiction to this physical world, a planet that gives unconditionally as no label as to who owns what has been placed by nature onto any resource that exists on this earth, thus ownership is created by man, enabling a few to profit and cloister the freely given resources of this earth to benefit only a small portion of the life existent on this earth, enslaving the rest to a petty game of survival where no life is developed, evident in the fact that there is no transcendence of death, and only the worship/warship of an imaginary friend/god promising some image of an afterlife that no one has ever seen.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there comes a point where a person is so filled with frustration and hate and suppression of self as life that that person can no longer take the inner pressure and fear and will decide to release himself/herself from the pain caused by the accumulation of stress and worry and self judgement - as the system promotes that if one does not work one cannot make a living, even though there are billions starving who cannot work as the resource beneath their feet is so easily taken out while supposed charity support is so difficult to get into areas where such starvation exists which if looked at in common sense makes no sense, as obviously if man can fly to the moon man can feed this world and support life, but the few allowed and accepted to own resource must perpetuate the game in order to maintain a status above the rest and cannot allow the full development of the human as the human would then realize equality and oneness, that the physical is what is real and not what is taught as what is broadcast upon this earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not not see realize and understand that what is broadcast on this earth will remain resonantly within and as my human physical body as my body is 70% water and this will take a picture - so to speak- of what is here, and this will remain with me and become the “sound” of me, where what is broadcast drives me to believe that success is driving a fancy car, or having an attractive woman, or owning the biggest house, or achieving the greatest power and stature in this physical world, where there is no principle behind the gaining of such things, and no real self directive substantial living that is my self the human able to transcend death, and within this what I am taught to chase is not real, only the creation of a picture in the image and likeness of the very pictures presented by current advertising, which is paid for by those who have a signature on a piece of paper that states ownership on a planet where the earth gives freely.

i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize, see and understand, that humans sitting around on couches watching television is not life, and is the image and likeness of zombies.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand, that teen agers drinking themselves into  speaking in slurred tongues is not that child being an expression of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that an octogenarian sitting around in a vegetative state is not life, and this state is no way to end a life, and is the indication of a life that has not been lived but merely diminished, the opposite of life blooming to meet death in full awareness and transcendence.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that a man hanging himself in an attic, or lighting himself on fire is a loud and clear statement that something is out of LIFE order on this planet.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that when I am sitting in front of some shrink and they are telling me that “it is not my fault” and I become confused and have both thoughts of “yes, somehow it is my fault, and no if i were to hang myself then it would not be anyone’s fault but my own” and somehow the two cannot be reconciled yet both are somehow real, and if I look at this world in totality I will see, realize and understand that I a human as a collective have abdicated my self responsibility, as what has been told to the human to exist as, to love your neighbor as yourself, has not in fact been lived on this planet, and thus the crime of such behaviors as lighting oneself on fire and hanging oneself in an attic is indeed the fault of an allowed and accepted system that does not support life, but only support the profits made by endlessly divided freely given earth resource into a system of separation where money represents resource and is then given ownership as control to a very limited number of people, who then desire to remain on the top where all benefit of ownership and control allow a comfortable slow diminishing life experience instead of a pressure, starvation, disease, existence of a more painful and quick not transcending of death life.

I commit myself to understanding that suicide on this earth is an atrocity, that suicide is unacceptable and not and expression of life, thus, that suicide exists on this planet is a clear and loud scream that what the human is is not life, period.

I commit myself to understanding how the IMF/banking, economic hit-men, advertising, education, the change of a child able to rabidly learn to a child as adult that can no longer learn a new language with ease can be what the human as child into adult becomes, on this earth.

I commit myself to realize the lethargy and tiredness I feel when I come home from work is due to lack of proper nutrition, emotionally resonant beliefs, opinions and ideas that have never been resolved to allow me as the human to direct myself one and equal to life are caused - and are what as been accepted and allowed by every single human being on this earth-  by self abdication of self responsibility as life within, and the acceptance of a monetary system without that does not support life, but instead has turned money into what determines the state of life in this planet, an earth that gives unconditionally and in effect cannot be owned unless the human accepts and allows this.

I commit myself to realizing that there is no excuse that the resources of this earth be used to support all life, no matter what, and within this that each and every thought, emotion and feeling existent within myself that does not support this, is a reflection of where I myself have abdicated myself as an expression of what i am, which is life, where as life I am in fact one and equal to all that exists.

I commit myself to asking myself why I am not aware of all that exists on this earth, that I should be able to trade places with anything on this planet and be ensured of no matter where i am or what i am that I am an expression of life, and not a death of no awareness at death, of no transcendence at death, as this is a clear indication that I am in fact not life.

I commit myself to realizing that I am bitter , that I realize somehow that I have not lived, and that I blame this world, I blame objects and systems of no real name or objective clarity should i stop and really look at where and on what I place blame, that the blame I place is on in fact a system, and that this system is in fact a collection of humans, thus is the blame myself as I am a human, a part of an accepted and allowed system that does not support life, that takes what is freely given by this earth and uses money to divide this life sustaining resource to benefit only a few, causing stress and starvation for others, when what is here can support all life.

I commit myself to forgive all emotions and thoughts and feelings imbedded within, to begin the process of cleaning up a system of inequality on this earth that in fact does not support life so that the children to come will blossom as life and not as a future man lighting himself on fire, or hanging himself in an attic.

Life Review: Know thyself

The Soul of Money

Day 40 A state of ease.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to believe that a state of ease is dependent on being with another person.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that, for instance , when I am walking with my dog and she is looking up to me and wagging her tail and I begin to laugh, this is being at ease.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that being at ease if contingent on being with another person, as is the morality taught within the roles dictated by the systems of relationships within this world imposed on a earth that gives with ease, unconditionally.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that I am the cause of my own tension and dis-ease as I follow a mind consciousness system of energy where I believe that ease is contingent on specific wants, needs and desires fulfilled.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see, realize and understand that as life I am a state of ease, where I exist in a physical world that gives unconditionally to allow my self to exist as life in a state of ease, where is it only I as a human abdicating my self as life that is the existence of my self in a state away from a state of ease.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe the images in and as my mind as being a sought after state of ease, when it is these pictures that are the cause of disease, as these pictures are a belief that a state of ease is separate from my self, where my self as life is ease as I become one and equal to all that is here as all that is here is of life as my self is of life, and thus it is my responsibility as life that is here, that I an able to exist in a state of ease as what I am.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that the present debt system of money, where money determines of I live or if I die, perpetuates a state of dis-ease, creating stress and thus a more acidic environment within my human physical body where I then allow organisms within my human physical body to thrive that cause disease.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that I fear for my own survival and within this I become competition and within this am constantly comparing and judging in order to ensure my own survival.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that my self as being in a state of ease is allowing my self to be life, and thus express life here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not see, realize and understand that this society created by the human is not supportive of the human being at ease with themselves, as the amount of disease in America clearly indicates what has been accepted and allowed as the very structure of the present money system is not causing ease within this country of the world.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that I am the cause of my own disease, as I am constantly comparing my self to what is around me as though I am busy maintaining my position within the hierarchy of a system that demands that I have money in order to survive, a system that places ownership of unconditionally given life sustaining resources within the control of a few, who themselves are trying to survive, which is actually causing stress and dis-ease on this planet, a planet that provides what is needed for the human to exist in ease, to realize a heaven on earth and the ease of self as life giving as one would like to receive and that this is what all humans would enjoy being given the chance.

I commit my self to, within my self realize that the state of my self as life, in a state of self acceptance, self responsibility, self honesty is my self becoming unconditionally giving as that which this earth is, is my self in a state of ease, where I would be the same today, tomorrow and yesterday, which would be unchangeable as I would be  in a state of ease. , and thus not chasing and competing for my own survival.

I commit my self to stopping the wants, needs and desires of the mind, as these are the separations of my self into worry, and fear, away from my self moving as my self as life, being at ease with my self here, able to enjoy what is here as life, within and without.

I commit my self to being aware of my breath in every moment where my breath will remain constant, deep comfortable and at ease, one and equal to my self here as life, where I realize that my breath indicates the presence of my self here, where I am more able to make decisions than I would be if I allow my self to become anxious, fearful and wanting something outside of my self to determine the ability of my self to be in a state of ease.

I commit my self to  exposing how a system of debt causes anxiety and stress, as in order to live, money must come in to pay for my existence, where all around me is an earth that gives unconditionally and in abundance, thus money is not real, but has been accepted and allowed in and as the mind,, collectively by the human, to be the only expression of man, as the very nature of man, where man, if he would look at this world, is able to realize that this world is not supporting life and that is is the system that is the cause of disease on this planet.