Day 818 Everything is a system. What is regret, pressure, and " no-force" ?

The issue of regret comes up at times. Yet, regret like procrastination is a distraction if held onto for too long. This becomes a self definition that is about the past, being projected in front of one, consuming the attention of one, that in itself once reviewed, remediated and corrected in terms of what would change a similar outcome in one’s actions, can become in itself a means to realize a state of separation from living. Living means to be here, because this physical creation is what is real, is what remains, is what continues beyond the self. The physical is creation manifest, it shows what works and what does not work. Therefore, attention is here. Doing things manifests here, as the physical. Is it not ironic that religion suggests, because that is all it can do, that there is something more? Being the suggestion of a more, without practical physical, directing focus HERE, is an illusion. One has become a relationship, a relating, to an idea created as built as imaged within. The perfect storm of control. We are happy when we are focused, completely, and doing. This has a movement of problem solving, as one is focused here. Not the best thing to promote if one wants control, or wants to play a god, or guru, or statism. This game is ultimately an illusion. 

Lately, I have had the idea swirling around within me, that instead of having what we call religion, as churches, the form of the state will become a replacement religion. This will be some invisible hand, fist, entity, that passes down determinations that the state workers will then relay, taking no responsibility for a compliance lacking in common sense of living physical reality because some guru/god/invisible-hand voice from some far off “ state” passed a set of words on a page that must be followed, and it is not my fault as I make sure all the lines on a piece of paper are properly filled in. This, a focus in a petrie-dish office distant from what is living. The goal to generate income for that pension, despite the consequences on the ground.  This, overall, an imposed entity construction determining outcomes that someone else somewhere else must change. All the while, this whole thing is made up of people. It is the collective in compliance without common sense that holds such things in place. And, as in Detroit, it can all be taken away, in a moment.  This is the hard way. It need not be this way.  When realized, the regret at following without practical investigation of the “ rulings” as measures embraced and “ handed” down via anonymous notes as words-on-a-page ONLY from a air-conditioned office ( telling in itself , remember petrie-dish environments) is not real living, and will lead to regret, potentially colored with a self pity of and as “ I did what I was told.” If we, each one, wake up, this would not exist, this compliance without investigation. And it need not exist, as I have found that often such words as “ may” are in the documents, meaning it is not suggested that one HAS to follow the dictates of the state. I saw such in the State educational words; basically, the townships can do what ever they want. Of course, the funding may not come through unless one uses the guidelines. If we look, that which is funded, is most probably not what is best. It is similar to the devil smiling. One must be given choice, because that places liability on the bottom, but the caveat is that to get this, which is an “ order” promoted/suggested ONLY, one must comply with the offerings. If one is not in a mode of common sense, and self responsibility, the storm of suggestion appears to be a more. That “ more” though coupled with “ good,” is the illusion that when followed, will lead one down the road of regret. That regret can then become a further distraction from stepping into common sense, the place of real doing, of making the choice to be self responsible, to develop awareness and presence, the kind that lend a direct focus on reality, where things get done, where one finds instead of anxiety, real happiness. This is the place where one discovers a sensibility to create. This is where one really lives, here. Let’s call it here ness, which sounds like hear-ness. This, would engage all the senses. I wonder if one could say that when all the senses are properly engaged, if that “ heart” opens up and begins to flow? Is this that has been hidden in plain sight all along, as simple as the physical body being in a synchronicity of focused engagement that opens up that heart - which spells “ earth.”? Is this simplicity and as such release, in contrast to the emotional/feeling storm of ideas, beliefs, and opinions, as a resonant construct within, something that was always here outside of the anxiety of chaos held in place through this absence of proper use of the physical manifestation of one’s self as life here? I mean, there is nothing wrong with chaos, it is simply a moment of deconstruction and reconstruction, that when done properly, would express a graceful transformation!  As humanity, we have rebuilding to do.

Obviously, perhaps, there are some so far down a rabbit whole of constructed division from real presence, that to justify that means to define the whole through that extreme, is more of the same game. In reality, -most likely, percentage wise - a greater number would choose to change into being present and focusing here, being real as a doing that will lead to happiness. The test of worst case scenario being made larger than life, is a part of an inner resonant storm of ideas. beliefs, and opinions, and will be projected by the “ state” of who stands to lose such ideas, beliefs, and opinions holding a currency of more for them at the expense of life. We are happy when we are focused and creating, and unhappy when we are not. Survival is a game of surreptitious vivacity, or superstitious seeming vivaciousness that is like a bling of a more, when that is the means of separation from being present, utilizing one’s common sense, which is sensing here. If we are able to read resonant shadows, our sensibilities must be so incredibly awesome, it is a wonder we do not realize that the full employment of them would be fulfilling, and so revealing of the incredible mechanism of creation that is the self equal and one with all that is here, that shows in its very expression that living self.  Just look at children. Before they become limiting personifications of ideas, beliefs and opinions, they learn more quickly, which means they have a greater presence. What is lost is what is more natural. Look to being in a state of urgency. That is like a raging train that can no longer see the total landscape, which is a state of appearing to be moving, but in fact is a slowing down done through accepting definition of limited information. Schools are a raging train. Such can be touted as a good, when in effect, they are the cause of greater attention disorders, which are cognitive disorders, which are mental disorders, which are the fault of the parents, because the parents experience that child before a resonant chaos of ideas, beliefs and opinions, become a projected entity from within, that has lost its presence in reality. I should know, I am a parent. I see the ideas I passed down, through acceptance from my parents, most probably for seven generations. I can blame no one but myself, and must become proactive, instead of allowing such self pitying generations to define this as that is not being the model of being present, of being the change necessary to never allow this to happen again, to not inhibit the potential of sensing the most subtle of things, the living things that are always, here, in all ways.

Real focus is making the choice to always be present, living a movement of constant cross reference to what is here, which is a movement of forgiving one’s self to what is here, respecting this physical reality, because it is life. This is a transformation out of ego, which is a mind consciousness of ideas, beliefs and opinions made larger than all things. If one accepts that state job, for example, one looks here, and only accepts that which causes the least harm - given what has been accepted - before one chooses revenue generation, for example. We all know this, and because of this there is no excuse. One knows when one makes excuses, as it always has the color of regret. That regret compounds, because what we practice, as what we allow, compounds as this is how a mastery of something also happens. One can master denial, or one can master real doing. To master real doing, one remains focused with presence, sensing what is here. Even I can notice a dog that is not moving because I suddenly realize it is blind, and because of the ensuing evening light, has suddenly lost seeing, and perhaps has a slower response time because that dog must learn to employ other senses yet unmastered, and therefor as an appear-ingly delayed response time. This indicates that we live in a huge magnificent orchestrated expression of life, where we are the most prefect math to sense this reality. It is only blocked by resonant ideas, beliefs and opinions. 

Within this, what I have learned is that every limitation of and as this, will be faced, and must be walked through.  And will be faced many many times. Acceptance of that, and one grows in faith in terms of business within this. The limitations no longer something to fear as they are signifiers of that urgency called energy and actually lend solution. We can live without ego. We can live without this resonant inner state of separation from living reality.  The physical is life in expression and what is most real. 

I remember a master cellist telling me that in order to perform in a quartet, one must have absolutely no ego. Otherwise, it cannot be done. And yet, when in real focus, in real doing, as performing, that moment of no ego, when the four are focused and present, is when the greatest joy happens. We are happy when we are focused and unhappy when we are not. Our words must become living words. Each small word redefined, refocused into this living reality, equal and one. 

Have you become a master of blame or a master of self as creator as life? Our words should be natural, as living words. This directing our incredible sensitivity as life, to be focused here, to open our hearts to reflecting creation, as life, as the physical.  It is a focus that has no quality, or value of urgency. It is lacking of the rejection of life, as the weight of regret. Real focus lacks that raging weight of limitation. Focus has its own “ pressure” in relation to what is here as ego. Focus lacks forcing something. We all know this, as we have all had moments of calm and the joy of forgiving that is that allowance of discovery. We need only employ that to all moments in our lives, to never have regrets because we lived a full employment of life as respecting all things because they are us in another life, by definition. 

Real focus lacks a pressure. It has no “ force.” One can practice that measure of focus, every day, in the small, rebuilding, to position one’s self in hearing here! It is to master the small with correct definition to realize the more complex when it appears as one expands in awareness. Yet, one must realize one’s separations and practice walking the deconstruction of them, to realize the patterns one has mastered as that resonant storm of ideas, beliefs, and opinions, and at the same time, embrace a natural ability to focus here and learn, which is the expansion of one’s awareness as the self as life. 

Is sudden onset of erratic breathing normal ? Day 791

Regret, as a form of self pity.  That it is too lateness, that is a composition of sadness,  that is in itself an illusion, as the joy of self calling -out-by-name is the means to the end, to become auto-didactic, self determining. To realize the interference ( inter fear-ness) of past belief, as an emotional/feeling firewall, of protection, as not having enough information, as a limited vocabulary, as a mind filled with memorized limited storied ( ironically often through story) information, all built in separation from considering all things, as that which we know to be true in our awareness that we have separated ourselves from nature. LOOK at what a classroom is, it is a space and timing that is not of nature! 

Our systems reflect the way and the means. The agricultural system, where we need only walk down one of the normally two supermarket chains, in our areas, with middle sections filled with dead food that has a shelf life beyond the duration of our own lives. Food that can be the real medicine that is instead like the walking dead, it has no vitality. The very pesticides and fungicides lacing our food (not to mention the preservatives ) causing a blocking of essential nutrients in the plant which must have an effect on the body. 

Our education system, that sequesters children in a tele-vision box away from the actual real, physical natural world, and made to appear to be free. What is free is not free. It is an illusion.

Our health care system, where nurses believe that a reaction of a child, moving into erratic breathing is ‘ normal.” How can a sudden onset of erratic breathing be normal? It is a red flag, not something to see as normal- it, overall, is an acceptance of harm.  All a nurse/doctor/health care worker  need do is pay attention to their own breath, and realize, even if looking at an anxiety attack, that the pace and depth of a breath, changing into a more tense state, is the mark of imbalance, and not something to create and accept in one area, and yet not see within one’s self. We can always look at the self, and if the self would not want it, then why accept such in another, for another, especially a baby?  After all, waves lap against a shore revealing the barometric pressures, indicating high and low pressure areas, as something pressing down on the water.  When the waves are moving with greater intensity, there is pressure on the body. Something somewhere is inflamed, there is a cause and effect action on the overall form- intense pressure on the water, causes it is become reactive, to the extent it moves over its own boundaries and infiltrates the shores- causing , at times, massive damage .  If a breath increases, it would be within a function of purposeful action, much like an orchestra moving in synch, much like a flock of birds, moving like a wave.  Sudden, unmanaged by the body, onset of erratic breathing, is more of a red flag. To believe this is normal, is ignorance. It is an ignorance that is a state of ignoring harm, in self interest. 

Our media, a perpetual story of doom and gloom, potential apocalypse, of dystopia, of  foreboding. Always, a tension of possible worst case scenarios. A form of entertainment, as looking at something out there happening that is bad, is in itself a form of distraction, and a lack of being self responsible; that state of being focused on what is around one that is this reality.  Some people like to watch horror movies as a form of excitement and movement within- to get the juices going as an adrenaline rush, a form of a drug addiction. Can we not realize, that those of us that follow the news, are essentially the same? Do we believe that in following the news feed, as it exists today, that we are more responsible, when it is unbalanced, in being storied information that is always foreboding some harm? Do we get a rush from the adrenaline trigger as that form as that set body of colored information in emotional story, that is so formulaic, as that  measure/composition of in-formation? Is this, in following this, really a perpetual self abdication of real self responsibility, self autonomy, self determinism? When we, as parents, for example, accept when a health care practitioner  says a baby suddenly breathing in an erratic manner is normal, after a vaccine shot,  are we so unaware of our common sense, that we are not actually really looking at that being reacting suddenly with a more violent action as interrupted breathing ? Would we want to suddenly have that in ourselves? No.  If we as young children can learn to crawl, and walk, and talk without a manual, our real sensitivity is more than able to realize changes within our bodies, we need no authority to sense this, because it is, in essence the very fabric of what is our capacity. It takes a great effort to keep this state of agitation alive within- a state that is a separation from the practical ( practice all). Learning in boxes away from nature, is one of the layers that maintain this separation. 

What is an interference ( inter-fear-an-ce ) of our common sense, is it a resonant math of information?  And, it is this that separates us, from our common sense. Can this be all by design, and of a starting point of the individual?  Is not the real "light workers"  the many hands of men?  One could say, our great great great grandparents started this mis-measure. them all no longer present. Thus, to blame them, is pointless because the only possible solution is to reform the self, to allow what is actually more natural, to be allowed to exist. No one can do that but the self, and if we want to blame, and punish those we deem to have caused this, they are no longer here, so that is pointless.  Ironically, we are so often immune to our own irony, all the while, what we seek, is what we already are! 

What if humans came together, and imagined things that fit into creation? What if we gathered all that we are that is creating separation, if we placed all that effort into creating and focusing on what can withstand the test of time, would we not build a world that embraced and brought forth  the real expression of what and who we really are? Would we not move with our interrupted breath, and instead come to move in synch with the physical breath, to live that happiness, that is being haptic with a correct use of the imagination, to live within  the full volume of life? Would that not be awesome? Is that not what we all want? 

Finally, if we look to the financial system, could we not stand together, and forgive ideas that one is more than another, and realize some are actually closer to being informed in effective ways and means, and extend that to all, to open what is natural as our ability to be common sense of all things, to then,  stand and become real creators?   We must de-segment, we must realize what is the same, we must realize that we are the products of our past, we must realize that religions are storied information that is not the real story of reality.  We must change the currency flow, to allow all physical forms the basic and proper means to support this physical existence, to move it back into its potential to express in balance and real respect.   We must begin to realize that resonant interruptions that are of an energy, are something that needs perpetual validation to exist, because it has no real standing in creation, it has no real constancy, it is of no real stability.  It is that game of more than and less than, instead of practical living actions that regard all that is of what we are, and respects it, to realize it is us in another life form. 

Our words are sound. They are a geometry, as the very shape and form of the letters. The more we can call out the math, by name or realize what we sound, which is what any logistical fallacy describes, we realize movement,  in number and space and time, much like a musical song.  What we believe, what we say, what we do not say, as speak up, reveals the math of who and we are by acceptance and allowance in what we focus upon, as thought , word and deed.  

One experience I remember, is being in a room with a musician that had mastered their instrument to a certain degree. They understood where I was at, as they had heard me play. There were few words interchanged. The whole vocabulary of and as the physical body in movement, into form, like the shape and geometry of a word, was the means of expression, of communication.  It is more of a presence, of an awareness of the expression, as the forms and movements of reality with all things around one.   In all, we as what we are , that is equal to what is all around us, truly have the means to create heaven on earth.  If we listen, even the frame of a building, in a room in which we perform, determines the sound we make, and we, as our physical forms can instantly adjust to fit into the space. No metal robot, can work with such efficiency. We are, as physical beings, the most incredible means of life. We need only realize its value, and embrace what we are, stepping out of a resonant form of layered information that does not fit, is not equal to this creation- a creation that is physical and all around us -  allowing us, even in our state of separation, so great is the gift of life.  Practically speaking, this means to change the financial system, to one that guarantees all basic needs are met. It is that simple and only a step away, if we come together, and realize the magnificence of who and what we are as the very flesh of our form. 

Thank you for reading! 

Feeling and Structure and walking a dog. Day 785

I notice that there appears to me to be two sides happening. Somehow they are within utilization of an inherent absorbent ability and utilizing structure. 

Somehow, the gap, must come together between the two as I see it at the moment. It appears to me that there are two schools, so-to-speak, of moving from sensing as discovering,  within not bringing in too much structure, and utilizing structure as a means to an end.  In reality, it is both, it is a balance and interchange within both. Too little structure, and one spends too much time in finding self direction. Too much structure being given, as a form, to only follow, and one misses a sense of self within having perspective within that structure, which can in itself, cause a separation, and fear, as insecurity, because one loses grounding in a way. It somehow ties into the fact that we learn more from a sum of parts, the subject and the object, cross referencing within the two, that must come to a balance, where the processing between both moves with greater awareness. After all, separation is caused through limitation.

I find when I have back chat in competition, as comparing myself to another, or from a point of fearing to lose something, which means I want to win something, I am in a point of fear, and hence self interest, forgetting who and what I am here. What  I find supports me, is to realize that I have this world around me, the physical, and myself, and the group, mirroring the same as me, working through processes that are similar to my own.  Meaning, there remains this idea that I have to do this myself, which is a truth, and yet, it must also, must need, the world around me, the people, the plants, the animals, this as a structural awareness.  

This balance between listening, as ordering, as listing, form and function, movement and expression, be it of a considerate focus of all things, or be it, within a state of separation, as self interest, always with a quality of and as a “rush” being present.  When I have back chat in competition, the comparisons come up, and I am within ordering in self interest and not considering all things, where solutions are always the way forward. It is seeing the thoughts and what is in-between the thoughts, it is always, being grounded in realizing I am, and that I-am is physical. Within things that have happened in my life, what remains is myself here. What has real longevity, is the I am. What is around me, is what allows the I am. This is in a way, the same as god is.  Some people have said to me. “ that is Buddism.”  Yet, Christ said the same thing.  This is the same as the story of the Hansel and Gretel fairy tale, as the old woman in the woods, is the princess in another life, thus we are all the same, life in expression, each an expression in another life. We are here. I am.  Have we ever asked how that old woman came to the end of her life living in those woods? What shaped and formed her. I mean, we tend to choose families and cultures similar to our own, because we understand that our surroundings influence our children! 

The power to call things by their name, is being the living word. This is also buried, or made evident in our fairy tales. 

In this, a fear of making a mistake, is an illusion, and that same ability to move from sensing a form, to see structure, is also realizing the structure, as the structure is the means to the end, just as the physical is the means to the end, as though both are the same. Creativity, as I see it at this point, is realizing change can happen, within realizing to always  choose what does no harm. 

It is the realization that too much water is detrimental, as is too little, there must be a balance. This same realization is used to divide and conquer, in, for example, our health systems, that use imbalance to make a profit before bringing forward health from creating balance in the basic needs of the physical to remain in balance and function. Instead, imbalance, is created, to force needs that then must be balanced out. Yet, this is done in a way to perpetuate the need for pills, that perpetual payment, where one’s labor moves towards purchasing that pill, for the rest of one's life, where that pill is not concerned with creating stability, but maintaining an instability to not only direct labor, but also, to create a perpetual state of imbalance, because if one discovered this overall, it would no longer have the power to influence one, and one would begin to discover real support. This means, as the distraction is so ubiquitous, that it is a busy work to maintain the deception, because the potential to understand is more natural. It is like a perpetual static. This is much like the back chat within me, when I move into competition, manifest as back chat of a projection of a more and a state of being less.  And it is the same, in that what is here, as I am, is the physical, which moves in creative ways, as the principle of and as to do no harm, which is to consider all things. 

I have two ears and one mouth, which means that it is to listen more than speak.  Since I have back chat, at times, it means to listen even more, than speak, because of my own separations and the practice of listening to here, to the I am, to realizing what is in between the thoughts, as the thoughts are colored with value judgements and are not that kind of reflection of what is here, as those moments, when I am interrupted and  see through the veil of my own spin in value judgements, based on the past, based on the acceptance and allowance of a culture that is based on an environment and that experience made a construct or structure to guide one, that forgot from whence it came, as the physical world.  It is , as I see it, still a stagnation into fearing to really feel.  And yet, real joy would be to really feel. Within this, not fearing to make mistakes, and that includes using past mistakes to justify where I am at at present within bringing myself back into equality and oneness in respect of and as what and who I am as a physical state of being, that means living practical awareness, here.  Because, creation is practical, which is really cool, and so simple. What is in plain sight is simple, it is a chaos that separates it.

Yesterday, I was asked to go and to talk with some people that had experienced a bad situation regarding a dog belonging to someone I know. I knew that I was going to have to face their venting, and I realized it could not define me, and that it was to apologize, and lend my regards in understanding why they were angry. I hesitated when it came to do this, as I did not want to face that metaphysical state of blame and anger coming at me.  This is my past, and it is a fear of loss, a fear of being defined at the values within the venting. I have to tell myself that I have faced such and not reacted, and even done this, before I started to walk this process, in quite natural ways and means. Still, there is some fear of this, a fear of facing this event. it is a pattern of not wanting to face this, and becoming angry. Yet, what would I want if the tides were turned and I was them? Where I am at at the moment, is to realize there are only solutions, where punishment is not being and living a structural means of bringing forth a presence that lives not having a repeat of the problem.  Thus, even though I realize this on the one hand, there remains this fear of facing this chaos, because it will be loaded with so many things - or so I believe. This is more than likely, yet, not necessarily so. There may come more compassion than I am expecting.  Which, overall, I have been surprised with before. And, lol, expected other times, only to find I face a lot of anger and venting!

Living solutions, as realizing there are no problems and only solutions, means taking responsibility, no matter what. It means investigating until one understands enough. Fear is, in many ways, not having investigated something enough. It means not having really looked and considered more than one’s immediate survival needs. It is recognizable in being caught in a construct of the lesser evil, which causes a spin of weighing values, which is not being in that space between thoughts, where one realizes the existent structure and the creation in expression, at the same time, feeling the creative ability inherent in the overall design, to change and choose what does no harm, and respects all things. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself t move into competition, as living a comparison within values, in self interest, not being realizing and understanding that the I am that is me, is within a limited idea, belief, or opinion, in fear of survival, and forgetful of the I am, that is me, that is here, that is the physical creation in expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to project outside of me that there is a lack within me, that I must defend, which is myself not being present, equal and one, feeling here, being in the simple joy of realizing what is here, is me, in another life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself toot see, realize and understand, what it means to be strong, for example, as I have lived this , within and as other areas of my life, where i was steady, and stable, and directive, thus, as life, in feeling here, this is actually a more natural state of being, than allowing back chats within and as me, of comparison, imagining success or worst-case-scenarios.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear, being myself, feeling here.

i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear feeling, intros instance, the anger and venting of another, as though this can define me, as though this is impossible to deal with, when it is a consequence of other actions of lack, where the only solution is to realize directive structures that lend ease and a absence of a fear of feeling, as in this case it is a dog that has had little social interaction opportunities with other dogs. thus, the solution is here, and can be walked, and the anger from those who suffered the consequences of the lack in the dog, within the present system, will and may come towards me, as from one perspective, they are the victims of this lack.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I react within and as protection and defense, within and as what is here, is to realize actions of complete responsibility to and towards what is best for all, as life, as living solutions, realizing that there are no problems only solutions, here, and to see, realize and understand that there must be more awareness structurally of and as the practical applications that have not been lived, in relation to this dog, that are the solution.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that just as it is well known in the research in reading development, most criminals are those who have no means of communication, that in itself causes a consequence of greater frustration and inability to communicate effectively, building a seed of dissonance and disconnect, where the inability to communicate, causes greater and greater loss of opportunity, leading to more ineffective behaviors in social situations, a self perpetuating storm of dis-clarity, and aggressive behaviors,  where the real solution is to rebuild effective structures of  a reciprocal nature as being able to simultaneously call things by name, and respect what is here as the very structure and expression of the physical, and the creative nature of this, as the ability to change, within and as realizing the only choice is to do no harm, as to respect all things, here. 

When and as I find myself moving into fear, into believing it is too much to face the storm, of and as not moving in and as the realization in practical action, in every moment, as realizing there are no problems and only solutions, I stop, and i breath, and I slow myself down, and I recognize my own pattern of fear, as resistance, as feeling overwhelmed, as fearing to be defined, of believing I am responsible - as believing I must problem solve, or have all the answers, etc, - I stop and I breath, as I see realize and understand that this idea that I am responsible, is an idea, that I then self blame, becoming a perpetual state of not feeling worthy, a separation within itself, and also the answer, as in some ways we all realize we can problem solve, as we are the perfect forms to do so,  thus, it is to stop hating myself and to become patient and calm, realizing the solutions are always here, even if colored with a past of a consciousness of separation from realizing self as life, here, as being physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i should have recognized this before it happened, as this dog has been kept in  a yard, after being used to breed other dogs and as such having lived in a kennel, without any real socialization, and there for,  being life, wanting to interact with other dogs and yet fearing them at the same time, thus, there was not a recognition that the dog needed some socialization, which was lacking, and somehow it was my responsibility to have prevented what happened from happening, yet it is not my dog, and I cannot physically be in many places at once, therefor, and because of where I am , in this moment, it is to face the storm and realize the solutions.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to in some ways, trust myself, within and as seeing realizing and understanding that I cam capable to assessing, as investigating, as in taking the time to understand, and within this, need not move into anxiety, fearing to be labeled, or defined as not being enough, or moving into self blame, based on expectations, within and as some idea, and instead to realize this as a past pattern, and to embrace it, forgive it, redirect it, within and as making as accepting a natural ability to assess and understand, as gather information, to realize there are no problems only solutions in living actions as who and what I am as a physical state of being as life in expression, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take things personally, to not within this, slow down, and breath, and ground myself here, in calm, giving as I would receive, as not reacting to emotional outflows, as the story of good and bad, right and wrong, more than and less than, and to within this, give as lend understanding, assessing and realizing solutions,  as standing equal and one to physical creation, as creation would be and do, as this is being creative here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand,  practical awareness, as respect of the physical as who and what i am is always here, and as such the potential to always from solutions, within an as there are no problems,  is always here, and within this, to realize consequence within not realizing this sound principle, is a process, thus, with each breath, with each step, it is to birth life fro the physical, to realize the principle of oneness and equality as the golden rule, in practical action, as to give as one would receive, here.

When and as I find myself becoming overwhelmed and spinning into anxiety, I stop, I slow down, and I breath, and I take the space to respect here, to listen more than I speak, to hear more than wanting to speak up, to practice grounding and referencing here, as assessing what is here, seeing realizing and understanding the storms of energy, as separation, into a catch 22, or a more than and a less than, of fear of loss and desire for gain in self interest as belief, opinion and idea, to embrace this, forgive and to listen to what is here, to realize that it is natural to assess what is here,  and anxiety is more a protection and defense, as a justification which is a fear of loss,, instead of respecting what is here as life as the practical as the physical reality , the living physical reality around me, to practice when and as I move into taking things personally, fearing to be defined, as them, to then to forgive and to follow through into realizing what is best for all, here. 

lol, When and as I find myself reacting, as becoming frustrated, or resistant, to slow down and breath, to listen, to assess, to  cross reference my own back chat, and the tension within my physical body, to realize that just as a unsocialized dog does not know how to act with other dogs, so am I, within and as being  past as a practice of fear, spinning into anxiety, as a lack of processing, as a lack of respect of the practical, where the protection and defense, is in a way, a non - looking here at the practical,  as being in respect of creation, as all cultures are products of the environment, and to realize that I am physical, and that I can assess, real-eyes, feel, as life here, and enjoy, here,  in the same way, I have actually socialized a dog, who did not know, as never had the opportunity, to interact with other dogs , for example, on a walk, and as such, have lived that change, that change that came with the opportunity, and as such, it is a process, thus, when and as I find myself moving into anxiety, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down,  and I forgive  personalities from the past that may arise, and I look here,  to build effective communication with here, as this reality as all things, that are me in another life, to practice realigning into equality and oneness with life, that is physical and in plain sight/site here. 

When and as I find myself facing a situation where I experience what i call ‘ venting’ I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I assess, check myself,  listen , realize to not take this personally, and ground myself,  as check to ensure  I am calm,  to realize that I can assess problems, and move with them into realizing there are no problems and only solutions here.

Common Core and Sports games and my own thin-ing reveal how I work Day 714

One of the things in relation to the mind consciousness that I realize more and more, as I have written about this so much, is how  once I find myself  couched in thinking,  I spin around in what appears to be endless thinking. That thin-king I allow myself to be.  So much effort placed in thinking.  It is a form of imagining, taking things, events, and spinning them around and around in my mind.

How can I possibly be present if I am doing this? I have become the practice of what public schools have lead me to be, which I followed and allowed, to move as a limited story ( information) in a focus so narrow that there is no real information for me to problem solve. 

I am in separation from the physical reality that I used to learn to crawl and to walk and to talk. I have become a mind consciousness instead of being conscious, as was the natural way when I was born, of the world around me that was me, that is physical. The real information is life in manifestation as the physical.  My awareness has become caged in a box of informed, limited, practiced-at-slow-speed -only-set-body-of-information.  An awareness that will by nature quantify information, assess and investigate, or sense what is around me was caged in imagination only. my awareness  is voracious in nature, as it must be, to be in respect of everything that is here- unless it ignores what is here and entertains itself in a busyness that cycles in limited value judgements as thin-king. When we say and do things that are not grounded, meaning when we do not understand something enough, we get nervous, because we know when we do not know something enough to make a sound decision in self directing. 

It was not too long before I found desteni that I had moments in my life where I wanted this ‘ thinking’ to stop. I had realized in some moments, that I was in - deed spinning around information in my mind, looking for the lesser evil, assessing movements, trying to find a solution that would cause less damage to my own life. I had to some extent realized that something was not what was best within the system. 

This was more in relation to health and agriculture. I had also noticed something amiss in politics, meaning I had avidly read a conservative magazine from front to back each week - as I was more voracious about information than the information as the physical world  After three years of this, I decided to do what I had asked of the ‘ other side.’ This was to read not only one’s political enclave, to also read the opposition’s as well. What I found on line were articles that I had read from my ‘ side’  being placed in the other’s perspective. A few words were changed,  etc. It took me some time, I was reading something and realized I had read the same thing before. Then I noticed this more and more.  At this point I began to realize that the articles in the news were manufactured by the same people.  It was systematically spewed out! This is Machiavellian, it is placing value judgements out in the social collective, and creating chaos through division of ideas, beliefs and opinions.The internet is a competitive ground to inform the mind. It is a war for the mind. Within this we have allowed an economic system that allows only those who have accumulated money to determine what we think, and thereby what we eat, what we watch, as ideas, beliefs and opinions that inform us,as this is how we work.  There for, real information happens on the ground, one plus one- this very way that all that is built and here, has been done, right on front of us. 

Last night there was a post about common core. It was in relation to how math is being taught in the schools. What happens is not a ‘ bad’ it is an elongation of problem solving. That elongation is practiced again and again and again, out of a context of expediting information, a natural thing for a presence to do that has learned to sense space and distance and duration, enough to self direct their body with that sensing presence and to speed up their processing as what was unknown and seemingly huge, was made small and processed with greater ease. Within practicing elongated processing of how numbers move, again and again and again, one becomes this practice, it slows down what is natural, it acclimates the child to  slow motion thinking processes- one that can take years to change, or years to discover another measure of moving, yet by then, one is an adult, and has to make a living, so there is little time to change as one is now busy in doing the same elongated movements in the imagination and making a living where there are few venues to make enough to get out of being in a constant state of stress due to money.  Yet remember that no one can be responsible for you but you. Why? Because no one can put you back together but you. There is no way out of this. For this reason, blame and spite are pointless, they are not problem solving. They are what they are. You, as a physical state of being, are what you are. I become what I accept and allow. 

Another example appears in sport games. Those times when the team cannot seem to get out of a pattern, cannot see beyond the boundaries of their information. This in contrast to those games where the team comes out of being stuck, and change up the pattern of the game, to change the movement, the form, and do what appeared impossible in the previous moment, to win the game. One has to practice moving outside of one's set body of information- which means making mis-takes, a natural order in the process of learning.

Our money system reflects the movement, meaning the amount of money one makes is equal to the processing ability of reality with matching communication skills- meaning you really have to effectively know your words.. Noam Chomsky has said that the educated are educated just enough to believe they are educated, when they are not educated. If some within this limited state  compare themselves to others in this same state, one is competing in the business of information- a separation from life overall.  Within this one becomes agitated, nervous, anxious, because the information is not solid, stable, consistent and self directive. Thus, when we become agitated it is because we are moving as knowledge and information instead of respect and presence in reality, the physical.  We begin to become what I spoke of about myself in the beginning of this post; I find myself spinning in thinking and become a thin-king in relation to living fully in this spatial, physical, multi dimensional world that comes before that spin of thinking in my mind as evident in how I learned to crawl all by myself. 

Within my latest accepted and allowed bout of being a thin-king, I realized that I was moving energetically wanting to blame and spite, and I did not look at the mechanism of what is so much discord in our reality. That machiavellian tool of creating chaos. That means of infiltrating what was a emerging functioning well known system, to change the tune, in self interest. It was to begin to speak words again and again of a more, of another way, suggesting to another that there is a more, a greater with less effort.  Within this, that those others had deceived and  a response of "was that person making the money suggested?"

 At this point, I am more angry with myself, because I saw the seeds of this and did not follow through, I did not want to think something bad, because I believed myself to be morally good, so pointing out a sense that something was not ‘ right’ meant answering to it, and since I was not looking and since I myself was ashamed of my own fear of speaking up or out the name of deception, I protected my own  moral goodness- this that I had practiced for so long that it is habituated.  I was basically both in a morality and a fear of speaking up. I had practiced a thinking system of slow motion that was really a constant placating within justification that to see through the veil of my own self accepted and allowed conditioning, happened in tiny moments where I might sense something greater than my own accepted and allowed limitations- that were a resonance of thoughts as my living deed to myself, the waste of my innate ability to assess and investigate that I had been born with, that I had used to learn to walk, and to crawl and to eventually ‘ think.’  

And yet, the patterns of division are right there in front is me, this creation of chaos to then play the savior within, via solving the reaction to the problem instead of the problem itself.  Ironically I am told to reinvent myself- a pretty sounding truth overall.   I ask myself if I can read an article and process the information immediately, because this is myself being equal to the words and grounding them in reality, in the infrastructure of this world that is life information.

My memories are the shield of my own self interest, where I did not consider reality. They are a false morality, so they spin around in looking for a lesser evil, instead of being practical in a living relationship to physical creation information, manifest  all around us. What is within me  as thin-king is the degree to which I am present . The consequence of this practice in men in this physical world  is  an energetic resonance on top of the physical, because we become what we think about as this is how this works. We are creators.  We either realize oneness and equality, as actions of respecting all things and ensuring no harm, or we continue down this path of destruction. Blame and spite, rejection and suppression are not living, they are states of being that are not that presence grounded in respect of all things, living in respect of all things. The so-called pollution needing to be cleaned up is also a resonant pollution, that is energetic. The marker if this are behaviors of frustration and anger, of blame and spite, all easy to see in that they have no gentle quality to them, no patience, no presence of being. 

They are me when I become anxious, frustrated, impatient and nervous/shaky.  They can be seen embedded in the very way we move our legs and our arms. I mean watch a video of a young person who has mastered some physical skill to some degree, there is a great sense of presence within them- and to note, some have become automated in their movements. Parents and the system often turn such development into a performing monkey, and the presence begins to fade. I mean, in music there are stories of great violinists who learned the concertos at a young age, that as adults, performed very drunk, because the physical information they had learned and embedded into their physical bodies took over. The performer  was so bored and  the awareness caught in an end game it was unused  and  sought a deafening of itself through alcohol. Meanwhile the body performed.  

Think of a prisoner who readily goes into behaviors of intense physical lashing out, they are programmed in a lack of opportunity for development, they do not have the means to express and to order, as that state of lack has caused so many problems in moving themselves in reality that they cannot make a living and are so unable to self direct. We end up punishing them for this, which is obviously not the solution. The solution is to rebuild, to allow that presence to become what is natural, to return to being present through a practice of grounding themselves in this physical reality, to slow down and realize what does no harm in their movements, which means their natural rights to have the basic needs to support what they are as physical states of being must be unconditionally met. The removal of a fear of death, and a fear of punishment, would quiet them down, and reverse their attentions to slowly ground their beingness  back into being present in this reality, that is life. And yes, some are so far gone that this will not work, yet this must be the way because prevention is the best cure. It is time to realize that the physical is reality, is creation, and the mind is what reflects our degree of presence within that reality. Any blame and spite, causes discord, because it divides into value judgements that then fight among themselves.

Within myself, I realize that I continue to judge another when I face anxiety, nervousness, agitation in another. I want to resist, to become angry, as a sense that I am not being listened to. Yet, the answer is right there in front of me, just as when I catch myself spinning in information in my mind, my presence being what my presence as life is, a sensor of form and function, movement and expression. The quality of this so able to sense so many things, a quality that is a will of understanding and expansion, as this is the law of life, a natural  drive.  

I can catch myself spinning around, and stop. I can  realize agitation for what it is, without reaction towards it, as becoming a resistance of assessing it, realizing it cannot define me unless I allow it, realizing agitation is the marker of not having enough information to equalize to reality and direct in ways that do no harm.  I can say, in specific ways, that agitation is a marker of not having enough information, and that this agitation is energetic because it is a thin-king/ presence accepting limited information- a form of idolatry.  I can say that agitation is the a personification of information that cannot fit into the physical world, it is the self showing the self how fractionalized one’s awareness has become, and how distant one is from life. Storms pass, what is stable remains.  The trolls of limited information are recognized by generalities coupled with value judgements  as they are food for blame and spite instead of guidance towards understanding all things, taking that which is good and giving direction into a self discovery of self as life, equal and one, grounded here.  It is what allows the self as life to saturate who and what one is, as the awareness of the physical world being life information. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that when and as I become agitated, nervous, anxious I am in effect in separation from being present here, using the will of myself as life, the real nature of me as self, to focus here, to become patient and calm, stable and present, seeing realizing and understanding within this, that I abdicated myself as life, into an idol of informatiom, that is evident in my ability to process the information that is here that is me in another life as the physical world of life as creation information.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand when and as I find myself caught in the thin-king of thinking, and within this to stop, to simply stop, as I will only lead myself to agitation and anxiousness, and uncertainty, thus it is to stop and to breath, and to slow myself down, to reverse what i have accepted and to ground myself back here, seeing realizing and understanding the storm is energetic and not equal in present to and towards a respect of all things, as the physical, all that is me in another life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to agitation, to anxiousness, to resistance, to want to react, to blame to spite, which is really myself not addressing directly what is here, especially when the solution is to listen, to slow down, to allow the storm to pass, as it is in itself an equation of generalities coupled with value judgements, of which reaction to and towards within me have the same quality as agitation, anxiousness and uncertainty.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to choose survival before what is best for all, meaning to act in my own self interest before a consideration of all that is me in another life, that is around me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand the con-sequences of what I have accepted and allowed as information, that I have programmed myself to be and that becomes resonant within and as me, are the responsibility of myself to reform, to being back down to earth and ground in actions, in thought, word and deed, to and towards what considers all things, to take that which is good and does no harm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to disempower myself as life, as the presence of life that is me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become reactive towards what is agitation, anxiety, uncertainty, within a belief that this can define me, or destroy what I have defined myself as, and within this to realize the solution as this very anxiety is  a sign of not having enough practice as presence in reality, as not being grounded in the simple, as paying attention to all things, taking that which is good and grounded as this is realizing what does no harm.

When and as I find myself lost in thin-king I stop and I breath, I slow down to reassess and listen, to realize the passing storm that by the nature of energy cannot withstand the test of time,  and that this within and as me, is a marker of myself not being myself as life, present and willing that very nature of me to live what is best for all, here.

When and as I find myself reacting to agitation, or to not realize its state of being, I stop and I slow down and I breath, to assess and read what is the state of being as myself and to stop, to live the words calm and stable, present and silent, to take back the power of myself as life.

When and as I find myself feeling disempowered, I stop I breath, I slow down and use the nature of myself that can get lost in thin-king, to see, realize and understand that this same presence can stop, breath, assess an investigate reality that is all around me, ever present, to realize what does no harm, and to realize actions that need no anxiety or suppression, as these by nature are clear and also are visible, present, grounded.

When and as I face anxiety, anxiousness, uncertainty, I see realize and understand in practice , as myself, in the details of thoughts, words and deeds as the tools of living here, to assess and investigate until I am present in the information of the physical to direct in ways that give as I would receive as this is the design of self discovery, which is to take that which is good and does no harm, this that is living the consideration of all things, this that grounds and respects the physical.

Day 266 Fear of speaking Thought dimension

I notice when I practice that I have a presence of someone watching me, my father or a “master teacher.” It is like I am waiting for the criticism and trying to gage this before it comes, looking for praise. So much so that I am not really focusing on what I am doing. I am paying attention to what another is thinking about me and what I am doing. This seems so huge and daunting. I have been doing this for a long time. Reminds me of being little and wondering where my father was in the house. Always this awareness. And the fear is unnecessary, as I have faced the criticism and lived through this, and even stood up for myself, and learned somewhat to direct myself despite this. What would happen is this presence of fear of criticism were brought back to myself , as myself directing myself? I can see where I cannot speak within this, my focus is not on speaking, not on myself, as being myself. My judgement is based on the response of another. I can sense this fear of letting this go, as though this is a protection I don’t want to give up. There is also a positive polarity attached to this, where I accept this as being okay because I will receive praise when I do well according to the judgement of another. This is placing a positive value onto/over a starting point of fear, a disconnect from myself as life, in self honest self direction as life. This then is a loss of common sense as myself directing myself absolutely being aware of myself equal and one to what is physically here, the only place I can direct myself. I can only deal with a “criticism” when it is given, and when it is given, I can then assess the common sense of it and direct myself, within what is best for all, within awareness of how the physical interaction as myself in common sense works, so expectation of criticism, sometimes masked as wanting praise, is pointless. This must stop within myself as I move, as the physical is here, and all I can do in common sense is look and begin to understand it.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that being an expectation of criticism is a separation from common sense, as being in expectation is a state of separation from myself here being equal and one to and as what I am as a physical human being.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from myself into and as a projection of expectation, believing that I must protect myself having judged myself as “going to be criticized”
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear criticism, to within this see, realize and understand that the physical moves in understandable ways, and thus what I can do is, in common sense, move with and equal to what is physically here, and direct myself here, even in the face of criticism.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that a parent has expectations of a child that are themselves demands lacking an awareness of being one and equal to and as the physical and how this functions having not been raised to understand, and be equal to themselves as the physical and are themselves in fear, being separate from common sense of the physical and thus, have expectations without understanding the necessary steps to and towards self development in specificity that is patient and guiding, and thus make demands that they themselves have no practical awareness of.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in trying to meet demands that are not specific, confusion sets in, much like an animalbeing trained to perform, where the trainer forces the animal having no understanding of the physical, no communication in common sense of the physical, no intimacy equal and one to the actual physical in detail, and thus, as mind only, has a picture, as an idea of an outcome, and expects this outcome - that lacks common sense- to immediately manifest, placing stress and fear on the pupil/subject as the pupil/subject is left trying to meet the demands/picture/idea without direction or development within physical awareness, so this is like asking for perfection suddenly without, and this just being an idea, any awareness of how the physical moves to become equal and one to an idea, where even within this, there is no such thing as perfection, as being is expression equal and one to and as the physical as life, which is in a state of movement and thus continual transformation.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that even within this, when impatience and demands are made, contrary ideas are often expressed, where it is said that one is impossible and stubborn, meaning unwilling change or transformation ( fast enough) and then at the same time being asked to change, which would only cause confusion as two different directives are being given to the physical and self as life, which would cause confusion and a “crash” much like a computer, as two opposing directives would be difficult for a child to answer to, especially from a starting point of non direction within common sense of how this physical world in fact functions.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to blame such actions/behaviors, as such separation from what is real as the physical has been going on for generations, and is the sins of the fathers passed down, as such, this separation from physical reality must be forgiven and simply realigned, as the solution is the prevention and thus the only choice to end confusion and suffering, as what is demanded on earth is done in ignorance, thus it is to stop ignorance and support life, to become equal and one to and as the physical, to give what is wanted to be received, as what else is there but to become life.

I commit myself to stop and to breath, when and as I find myself in expectation of criticism, based on a personality that is a collection of behaviors from starting points of fear as being separate from myself in common sense of physical awareness and development, as myself as life equal and one to what is here physically and how this functions, where I can blame no one, as all that need be done is to align myself in common sense practically with what is real, the physical, that which is equal in all that is here, to see, realize and understand that fear is separation and judgement based on limited insight, and so, has no directive capacity as life.
I commit myself to, when and as I find myself having a thought of the presence of an adult or “master teacher” and what they might think, to stop and to breath, and to bring myself here, equal and one, through and as breath, to equalize myself to what is physically present and to practice in common sense directing myself here.
I commit myself to slowing myself down, to breathing, to stand within myself as common sense of what is here, to no longer allow separation into and as fear, to pull myself back within a sense of vertigo, as fear, as judgement of inferiority or superiority, to stabilize myself here within physical awareness as what is best for all, with gentleness and humility, patience and calm as opposed to nervous anxiety and apprehensive tension, and to recognize every moment/breath of myself as physical separation in common sense of here.
I commit myself to slowing myself down, to breathing, to not allow thoughts, as images from the past, to direct myself here, to see, realize and understand that myself as life is able to move in common sense.

Day 166 Isolation in mastering of fantasy

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into so many stories, as the layers built as belief, opinion and idea that support what I am, what I prefer as what I believe is more than something else, which is set of values I use to compare myself to others, to ensure my own placement within a hierarchy in self interested survival only, never considering the value being life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become ideas and beliefs as what is more than and less than, and within this to go into a fantasy within an idea of what I am, in my case, often being the cultured female interacting with a man, where not only do I look the part, I also, as I am part of a society that values education and has opportunity to have had a “supposed education,” dress myself up in ideas and opinions and facts about history and culture, thus do I have a dress code, I also have a “intellect code” that takes me into certain levels of society to allow me, as the images I have been taught , to remain within the borders of a certain level within the present system of inequality.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I am the female romantic, pining away for her Heathcliff, thinking my romanticism is okay because it is voiced in cultured and historical terms.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in a way I am looking for my Heathcliff, because just as Jane Eyre ( and I know they are different novels) wanted her man, but would not accept him within his lie, so am I as I will not accept a man who does not accept my children or for that matter, not even listen to my story where all I become is listening to his story, which is fine, listening to his story, but I begin to think, believing myself to be confused, that gee, my story in this scenario has never been heard, and then I feel guilty as though perhaps my story is not worthy of being told.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I often do not, or have not, told my story because I am too embarrassed to tell it, and I fear being told I am crazy, thus I fear it not being accepted and thus, that I will be rejected, so I am the cause of my own “supposed” story not being told.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I remain the demure female, in keeping my story secret, when it is really based in fear of rejection.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this is myself fearing exposure for fear of rejection, and within this I overwhelm myself and then when I do get a chance to tell my story, I have had no practice and find it difficult to speak.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to thus, become anxious when I have to speak, because I struggle to cater to what will be acceptable to the listener and then translate the story into ideas through judgement of what might be acceptable to the listener and end up trying to fit a square peg into a round hole- so to speak.
And within this, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place a protection/defense border around my own story that masks the expression of myself, and also does not allow the listener to see who I am, and thus the consequence is that I am not seen, and the story is not heard as it is not told truthfully, it has become limited and of no substance.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become caution to the extent that I build a wall around me and isolate myself from living.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this has become such a habit that I lose myself to anxiety and become breathless when speaking, I am the habit of a practiced suppression when and as I speak, often, with others, as I am so busy revealing only parts of what I want to say.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand , with real eyes, that this is much like what happened in childhood, where, as I faced my parents, I would monitor their reactions to myself speaking and gage reactions to see if I was going in the “right” direction within speaking or talking within a subject, thus did I learn to imitate their beliefs, opinions and ideas, as I recognize this in others really easily and it has been a judgement i have made of others. I see this because this is me. WTF.
Within this, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, that I then would connect myself with people that matched the same structures I had learned to watch for and imitate, that were my parents, in others, as i could follow the “flow” so to speak.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to have understood that this is why it is difficult to be with people who, are essentially doing the same thing, are of different patterns, as this meant having to listen and “translate” my own “language” into theirs, where I did not take their words as what they were, thus was I not only trying to fit them into my way of using words and assumptions, I was also not listening to them because I was trying to fit them into me, which they were probably doing as well, thus unless both realize this and made an effort there was rejection and/or confusion, and also, even if an effort was made, it was the effort having to be made that caused a lack of ease, and this would take two, equally to work through, which our present system does not give the time necessary for such concerted effort unless it is done on one’s own time, but also this can be done if it is understood, and I have found this does not happen too often, so the learned imitated behaviors of suppression -as fitting into what our parents accepted as what they were taught, will take some understanding to real eyes, and then realign to and as insight into what is the cause of such limitation and then a re-alignment towards what is best for all.

I commit myself to realizing when and as I talk with others, that the difficulty in breathing while talking with others that I have, is myself trying to mince my words into an acceptable story/presentation where I am in fact using my past, as my judgment as my fear of rejection and loss, becoming outcast and labeled as insane, as what I experienced as a child, which is like a “song” of constriction and suppression and false “guide” within myself as fear when and as I interact and speak with others, even to the point where i do not speak at all, to stand up and not use this past as this mud-like funnel within me, that tightens my breath ( which I allow) to direct myself within my world, as this is dishONEsty with and as life, here.
I commit myself to realizing, with real eyes, that this fear, is the negative within and as myself as energy, and the presentation as the limited - fit into the box of acceptance/happy face story that comes out like a fairy tale, and thus has no real substance, and others, like me, are probably bored with hearing the same fairy tale again and again. lol
I commit myself to seeing , realizing and understanding that IF someone tells me their happy face watered down/acceptable fairy tale story, THEN instead of telling them my happy face, watered down/acceptable fairy tale story I respond with in the context of what is best for all, and within this, even though one can take a horse to water but not get them to drink, eventually they will get so thirsty, there will be no choice but to drink of the water of life, as this is the substance of what we all are, equal and one as this is the value and what sustains us, giving as is the nature of life, here, this water that is what is best for all.

The creation of the mind.

Life Review series, to realize separation and the consequences thereof.

The Consciousness of the Fly and much more!

Quantum Mind

The practical solution Equal Money

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey To Life

Earth's Journey To Life

A playlist of documentaries

Pinterest list of articles  and videos on out current environment

• Day 164 In worry I begin to rush and lose my breath