Day 601 The Worry for Security

So much of my time during the years with my children was worry about remaining stable and being secure. This was in tandem with watching my children. From the time my second child was seven this was a large part of what I worried about. Even when my children were really small and my husband and I decided that remaining with them during the day was what would be best, I remember having thoughts that it unnerved me not to have job, not to be making sure I was secure, because I equated security with money, and felt that depending on someone else made me vulnerable. I even remember thinking to myself to calm me down, “ it is okay.”

Because of this, I have this chatter in my mind where I am constantly thinking about being secure, that I cannot depend on the system, or my family, or anyone but myself. Not that this desire to be responsible is a bad, but the occupation of the whole desire as thoughts in and as my mind, as wanting to have the means to be stable. Now that I am older and my children are out of the house, I include them.

If I allow this to be so much of what motivates/occupies me, and/or what I find I am creating pictures of in my mind as some event that might come along and disturb this, and/or what I feel would be the scenario where I am in that kind of security, I am not actually here fully. And the past as this fear, remains with me, and I find I move into the imagination as it, missing what people say at times, or putting things off because with all this chatter going on, I have abdicated my own focus here, and stopping this inner drama appears to be too difficult. Walking self forgiveness has helped quiet this storm, investigating our present sold system structures  as our government and our financial system, has helped because knowing the structure of here, and investigating how anything works gives clarity into necessary actions.  Also, in becoming more practically clear, the backchat becomes smaller, yet I notice it still exists, I just pull it back and direct because in the end I can only live here, as this is a physical form of creation, which is simply common sense. That what is real is hidden right in front of us, is in itself a red flag. If we look at so many of our systemic beliefs, the physical is demonized in so may ways. This is us rejecting life. And yet, that which is right in front of us, reveals itself in every way, showing the way forward. Unless we believe that the voices in our minds define us, and/or are real, not stopping to look at what thought is in reality overall. It really is like an echo, a susurrus occupation in the background of fear, of rejection of being here with creation.

So, I forgive the ideas, beliefs and opinions in and as my mind, I write them out, then correct them to focus myself here directly, to become one and equal with and as creation as the physical here. Then can I see here, pass through the eye of the needle and remain stable with physical reality, being directive through moving as what does no harm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to worry.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from myself as life as my common sense, and to allow the voices in and as my mind to be what I am here, instead of standing here, equal and one with and as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must have a job, where I earn money to feel secure and stable in a physical world where the physical is the life I am as me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to occupy my life with and as back chat of fear in not being stable because I do not have a job and as such will not have the money as the means to remain stable here, not stopping to question why money has come to determine life on earth, when the value is being physical and as such respecting and moving and building a system that respects simple existence as allowing the full potential of life as the physical flourish which means room to change and transform, to expedite and develop creation which would allow all the focus that is the fulfillment of purpose in and as creation here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a voice in and as my mind of “ it is okay” to placate the fear that I feel which overall is an act of ignoring the whole, as the part that is me as a human being in creation as what I am here on earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand immediately those moments where I separate myself from here, existing as knowledge and information as idea  only without practical application, and as such accepted this format without asking questions,  abdicating myself as life, as my common sense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that as this, I become a physical movement within and as me as energy as thoughts as memories, that separates the focus of me, as my common sense from here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become inferior to life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in this separation I allowed this inner back chat to define me, instead of remaining here, equal and one to and with the physical world, creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine security

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine security being taken away.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in imagining security or the lack thereof, I am in essence not here, looking here directly with and as that which is the value, which is being here, which is physical.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding the lack of ease as me this separation creates, which is a focus on limitation only and not a community with creation as this physical world as this earth here, as this is where solutions exists because this is myself here, as my own common sense of reality that is me.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding how this separation confines me, binds me, holds me in a very narrow view of that which is the means of me as the physical here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how this inversion of and as me, builds a resistance to seeing directly here as what I am as a physical being as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how the tension of this stagnates me, not allowing the ease of and as me as my common sense, to accept what is here as the physical, being and expressing with gratitude as the principle of life, which is the principle of equality and oneness, the principle of take that which is good and does no harm, the principle of give as one would receive, the principle of respecting the means and the ways of life being which is the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to reject what is in front of me, as I have allowed myself to be tied to ideas, beliefs and opinions, instead of remaining here, in practical application of physical reality being creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to build ivory towers as ideas, beliefs and opinions in and as my mind, racing towards this imagination, unequal to here, as my value system as ideas was done in self interest without consideration of life and the racing to and towards these ideas ignored the practice of real living.

When and as I find myself becoming secretive with and as myself I stop and I breath and I slow myself down to see, realize and understand what I am hiding in and as the ideas, beliefs, opinions, fantasies,  imaginations, back chat, desires, wants and needs within and as my mind, 

When and as I find myself no longer hearing what is here in front of me, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I bring myself here, grounding myself in the physical here.

When and as I find myself moving into worry, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I assess, investigate, examine, step out of time, evaluate what is before me, taking that which is good and does no harm, to become at ease, with and as breath here.

When and as I find myself  racing as in not hearing what has been said, or losing patience, or judging the appearance of another, even as their words, I stop and I breath and i slow myself down and I see, realize and understand that I can only hear here, equal and one as the physical, directing in ways that do no harm, taking that which is good, here.

When and as move into am imagination of gloom and doom, I stop and i breath and I slow myself down and I ground myself here, as it is only here that i can step, that i can crawl, that i can change, that i can transform, that I can become equal and one with creation and as such  see to stand equal and one with and as what is me as life information, here.

When and as I find myself feeling overwhelmed with here, as the limitations, within and without, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I assess, evaluate, common sense physical, practical reality here, to stand as what is best for all, respecting life as the physical that is me here.

When and as I find myself whirl-reasoning in and as my mind, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, seeing the physical world directly, assessing practical applications that direct in ways that do no harm, and consider all things, to stand equal and one with and life here as this is me accepting the breathe of creation.

Day 223 Imagination Dimension Apprehension Character

Tattered and torn, 10 April 2009 (Photo credit: ed_needs_a_bicycle)

Imagination dimension within apprehension character.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a character of apprehension, where i exist within a separate reality as the mind, playing out character roles of doom and gloom in fear of loss, as potential scenarios, where all manner of events can happen, based within judgements of more than and less than.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine the future based on self judgements of past experiences.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in allowing myself to become an imagination of apprehension, as state of anticipation within uneasiness and fear, I am occupied with this fantasy as mind as horror story and thus not here in common sense of what is best for all in walking practical solutions within the physical.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding what I am allowing to exist as I become apprehension, as anticipating with uneasiness and fear in playing out scenarios in and as my mind, which is myself in separation from here.
I commit myself to stop and breath when and as I become an energetic movement in and as an imaginary scene in and as a fantastic mind show of possible loss and success within thechanges being walked within my life at the moment, where to exist within this doom and gloom, worry about change I become my own picture show of projection into and as fear, and separate myself from here,
I commit myself to no longer participate with this habit, as what I learned- as worry being “good”- through stopping this drama of the mind, bringing myself back here to the physical and if necessary sitting down and writing out a list of what practical steps are necessary to complete the present changes within my life, as the projected scenes of fear “play-out” only perpetuate a loop within a devil and angel on my shoulder, a polarity loop into the fear as the negative and the hope as the positive, and as such an attention diversion away from practical common sense of walking here.

The Century of Self : Part 1 Happiness Machines

http://youtu.be/prTarrgvkjo

Psywar

http://metanoia-films.org/psywar/

The Trap

http://archive.org/details/AdamCurtis_TheTrap

The Power Principle

http://metanoia-films.org/the-power-principle/

Human Resources: Social Engineering in the 20th Century

http://metanoia-films.org/human-resources/

Catastroika - Greek Documentary

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoNjVMhmBfM

The Marketing of Madness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=vnuMhlPn9TA#!

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Day 164 In worry I begin to rush and lose my breath

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to turn the spending of money into a fear, where I participate within and as a fear, avoiding making decisions and getting things done, as in not facing what is here, where usually the situation is not as dire, especially if I use my common sense and figure out solutions to get what needs be done.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not fucking get on top of this fear, to face this and realize that it is that which clogs myself within common sense, and yes, the present system does not support life, and care must be walked without excessive waste, but the fear and gloom is not that which will solve any thing within my environment.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see whatever the outcome is within money spending and to not allow this to affect me, as this is not who I am as life, this is a system accepted and allowed by all humans, that is the cause of diminishment as life, where the only solution is to change this system to a system that supports life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow down and to breath, to see, realize and understand in common sense what is going on as what is accepted and allowed on earth, as there are soldiers who are standing up as they realize they are the poor being sent to other continents to kill the poor, so that a few can own resources, thus do those that have more, see everything here on earth as a resource at their disposal, which is an ignorance of life, an ignorance that the value is life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to speak up when I hear the words, “I do the best I can,” or “I make the best of it, and avoid drama,” as these words reveal ignorance, as the supposed “best” is accepting and allowing a self interested best within a system of inequality, making it clear that the present system is not acceptable, thus this awareness through relatives of what best is, within statements spoken - that perpetuate less than standards- is an admission that what exists as the present system is abusive and unacceptable, thus being positive, believing one is being positive, is actually crying about the state of this world, because if this world were an expression of life , as life as the value, then there would be no need to be positive and make relative statements, as all would be absolute, thus the only solutions are those that absolutely support life, and they are here, as this is life.
I forgive myself for fearing something costing more than I can afford within my present situation, and allowing myself to feel something is impossible.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand, that I see, within and as breath, as I have been breathing when I play the violin more, and this has somehow opened playing up where it is actually easier to see all of myself as in sensing my arms - for example, and this has taken time and an effort to actually breath, and if I take this to every moment, as here, I see, realize and understand that even within and as speaking in what might be assumed as an ordinary manner, that when and as I speak, I am not speaking in a way that really wants to be heard! How fucking incredible is that?, anyway, I see, realize and understand that even within speaking I am not here LOOKING at what I am actually being here, it is more like I am hiding in and as myself, and there is this HUGE thing of fear in actually being self responsible, which means the human is not being, using, allowing , accepting self as life here, that the human is accepting self diminishment and not allowing self responsibility as life here, which means I have a lot of breathing to relearn, to become, to be and use and sense what is here with and as. This whole “holding of self” in limitation is taking a lot of suppressive work on each and everyone’s part.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that basically I am allowing myself to asphyxiate within and as myself here as life, to cater to presentations that maintain and hold a system that suppresses life, I am the cause of all disease as suppression through and as the withholding of myself as life as breath here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I am in fact not breathing.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I am in fact not breathing because of fear of death, fear of loss, and this fear is held in place through a system of inequality, known as a profit based system that functions in limited self interest, as all those benefitting from this system are in fact not benefitting as they end up as the same death as everyone, never transcending death in awareness, and thus are not one and equal, in and as breath, with and as life, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I as life must breath, in every moment, realizing that fear is the very thing I have accepted as more than breath, and thus I become fear instead of common sense with and as this physical world in and as and through breath, I am not in fact being here as myself, directing myself, sensing myself as life ability.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the world tells me this, as I have walked into pharmacies and what is on the front shelf behind the counter but inhalers for asthmatic conditions, easily accessible, thus what we sell is to alleviate what is the problem, which is that we, the human, are not one and equal in and as what is life, communication with and as life, here , the breath as self.
I forgive myself for not using breath in every moment to stand and become one and equal to and as breath to allow myself to utilize common sense and hear what is here.
Thus, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow myself to fear, as fear will do nothing but suppress myself as life to face what is actually here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that I must rush, and push myself, to get ahead, where it is as though I was taught I needed to “get ahead” and within this “getting ahead” it was actually not really clear as to what getting ahead meant, as there was no real substantive direction in getting ahead, and no support within common sense towards getting ahead, as this system of inequality demands support within what serves a fear, and thus does not offer common sense in getting ahead, where this would mean actually becoming life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I accepted this idea of getting ahead as a directive and abdicated my own self responsibility towards life.
I have this memory of being a teenager transitioning from high school to college, and this idea of needing to get ahead, as what was needed as me at that time, and within this an emerging anxiousness. Thus I will walk this through the thought, imagination, back chat and reactions, as this sense of needing to get things done, now, and a desire to rush through this, as though getting something done is significant, yet this separates me from here, as I become possessed by this fuzzy idea of getting something done and not actually directing myself here.

The creation of the mind.

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Day 146 Defenses are Bigger Than Expression in a System of Debt

CHICAGO, IL - MARCH 15: Traders watch prices in the Ten-Year Treasury Note options pit at the CME Group following the announcement by the Federal Open Market Committee (FOMC) that they would maintain the key policy rate near zero on March 15, 2011 in Chicago, Illinois. U.S. stock and commodity prices tumbled today following a sharp drop in Japans stock market, as investors worldwide worry about the economic impact of that country's recent earthquake, tsunami and unfolding nuclear crisis. (Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)

Wipe our Debt (Photo credit: Images_of_Money)

Day 146 Defenses are Bigger than Expression in a system of Debt

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to worry about money.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become the defense of worry about money.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear money,

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I become the character of worry about money, I am building a wall of defense and thus no longer looking, hearing, what is here and instead becoming a character of protection and defense instead of utilizing common sense and working with what is here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not listen to what is here, to investigate what is here and work with what is here and instead become a broadcast of worry and fear, this that is used within a system of inequality and profit, as debt as money, and thus debt is burden, and thus debt becomes what rules the focus of myself unless I stand and I breath, and I bring this worry back to myself as I ask myself what kind of existence is this that creates life as a platform of worry and how can life express itself as life, is all that is here is life, and existing within and as constriction of worry and fear about survival, how is this what the human has accepted and allowed to be what exists?

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow the fear of not having enough money to be the movement, expression of myself here, as this is not the sound, worry is not the sound of a life being lived, but the sound of anxiety and fear, which in itself cannot be an expression of life in full self perfected potential, this what is on this earth is not life, as the human has allowed some to have development, where this development is admired, and yet a belief has been imposed that this is something special, where this is the capacity of the human, where this is even existent in animals, and in the soils where plants are allowed expression, thus the exception reveals the norm, if life were supported.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as fear of the future, as this is the persona and care of survival, profitable for the few, as this depresses and negates life into a lesser form, where the expression of life is utilized to serve a few through emotional and feeling enslavement, thus are emotions and feelings, this that - if one has a look- are not strong, steady and constant, are disrupting and volatile, give no direction, only scream in defense as justification and thus, it must be realized that all emotion and feeling are the separations of self as life, as life expression, fanned into the fire of hell, as the diminishment of self into and as defenses bigger than the expression of life, as is currently existent on earth at this time.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this present system is not supportive of life, and will take many to stand and say stop, through supporting a system that supports what is the value, life, the expression of life where this expression cannot exist until all that is here is supported for the value that is real and constant, which is life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I am the character of worry I build a persona of protection and defense, and this separate from myself as life, from myself within self trust, within self honesty, within solution as facing what is here is solving what is here, as protection and defense is only building a wall of separation, and walls eventually crumble, thus defense is not a solution.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear scaling my own walls of protection, to take these walls down and stand as myself as here, one and equal to life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting lists, in and as the voices in and as my mind, to flow, like a check list of possible worst case scenarios, where I become the expression of doom and gloom, and thus am so busy seeing only doom and gloom I miss what is here, life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that what stand between myself as life, is myself accepting what is here, facing what is here, standing up and walking to realign what has been accepted to allow the exception to become the norm, to standing through beliefs and ideas that in no way serve what is best for all, as what is best for all is that the exception become the norm, that life is the value, that life is supported, as this is what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that all money is debt, and thus the human is existing with a system that creates debt, which is economic slavery, no different than what existed in the middle ages, just another form of the same structure, where the expression of men, was protection and defense for a system that placed some limited values above others, instead of realizing value in all that was here, as an expression of life, and working with the very substance of what is here in totality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to make a fear of survival bigger than myself as life.

I commit myself to breathing, to self forgiving my own accepted and allowed separation from myself as life through writing out what I fear, as the separation of myself, which I then avoid and procrastinate in facing, which is not an act that solves what is here, and only allows a burden to develop which I end up carrying around with me, slowing myself down.

I commit myself to listening to what is here, to investigating what is the structures of what is here, and walking through the maze of this separation into a suppression of life, to realign what is here into and as what is best for all, which is the expression of life in totality.

I commit myself to realizing that all emotions and feelings and thoughts are myself in separation from life, into and as fear, thus I am not here, one and equal to life.

I commit myself to realizing that emotions , thoughts and feelings are the very act of my accepted and allowed diminishment, and thus unacceptable as this constricts the instrument of life that is me as a human physical body able to be the sound of life as this is the gift of life, thus any action that does not support the expression of life is a crime against life.

I commit myself to standing and facing all fear within and without, to calling out and naming the fear, to removing what is here that is a separation from and as life within and without, so that it resounds down into the very earth where those who hide their heads in the sand have no escape from facing what has been accepted and allowed.

I commit myself to breathing, to listening to what is here, fearing no loss, and thus standing within common sense, here.

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Day 88 Worry and the Future

Day 88

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be the worry wart.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that I was always told that a little worry was good.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that to worry is to look into the future.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that to look into the future is not myself being here, and thus is myself looking into the future based on experiences from the past.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that all I can be one with and direct myself as is what is here, present in this moment here, thus to worry about what is not here is to worry about something that is within my imagination and thus is not real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to know what will be in the future, not realizing that this is not myself being life here, one and equal as life , to life, which is this physical world here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, that to worry about the future is actually to doubt what is real, to disrespect life as what is real, as what is here, and to follow what is the morality of fear that is what is taught by a system of separation from life, manifest within and as a profit based system on an unconditionally giving earth, where the outer world reflect the inner allowances of men in and as beliefs , opinions and ideas that are in separation from life, in doubt and ignorance of life, as life is what gives all that is here, where the earth gives without name and ownership, where the earth suffers abuse in the patience that men will realize that the only choice is to give as one would like to receive, the earth being the model and likeness of giving unconditionally.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all that is of worry, as the voices in and as my mind, are of a language taught and thus learned, where animals do not speak, yet, like a dog, gives unconditionally, an action more considerate of life than the present system of men, that allows money to represent  resource, and then allows this money  to be owned by a few, to withhold unconditionally given sustenance, where many are starving at the hands of such accepted and allowed actions that are an atrocity and create disease as disease is the outcome of the physical not given sustenance, where this sustenance is here, as this earth, being unconditionally giving as this is life, as this is what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to, as those who have signed their names on the paper of trees to signify ownership/ownershit,  to control my own world, as this is what i have been taught, evident within my own action, as my mind, of fearing the future, worrying about the future, trying to organize the future in and as fear of loss, wanting to control, an illusion causing disease, as I am in separation from life within this.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this worry about the future is a character developed through the words explaining morality taught to me as a child, in separation from life, where I was not taught to be what I am, and where I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from life, through worrying about the future and thus disrespecting myself as life.

I commit myself to stopping myself from worry, from wanting to control and know the future, which is myself in and as fear.

I commit myself to breath, where I remain here, and I stop the voices in and as my mind until I become one and equal to life here.

I commit myself to stop myself in and as my mind from wanting to know the future which is my self fearing a loss of comfort and an existence as all that i know.

I commit myself to stopping myself from thinking about the future, remaining here in breath every moment not allowing myself to go into being a character of worry.

I commit myself to stopping myself from thinking about the future in and as worry, and remaining here in breath.

Life Review- Obsessed with my Furure

Day 56 My Husband lit himself on fire /hung himself . Suicide

Day 56 My Husband lit himself on fire /hung himself . Suicide

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not see realize and understand how stressful a system of survival is, where money determines who lives and who dies, determines if my children will have a decent education, will determine where I live, the state of my health and the existence of life on earth in totality, where I as the human, am responsible for the state of existence on earth as it is the hands of men who have built and accepted  and allowed this world as it is to exist, where no god is coming to save us, now or in some after life, as what is real is this physical world, and as this is what is real, as we have not transcended death and no one has seen the supposed make believe after world, this earth is reality and thus is heaven for the human to create, as no real “god” would want his children’s hands held, would instead want his children to learn to stand, to learn to walk, to learn to breath as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that incessant worry and thinking about money and organizing it, and getting it, and maintaining existence for my children within a system that has made money what is god, as money determines life, where banks are allowed to charge countries high interest overblown loans that cannot possibly be paid back, knowing full well that the bank is turning the resources of these countries - which includes human labor-  into economically indentured servitude where the profits are collected by the few based on a signature on a piece of paper which is in contradiction to this physical world, a planet that gives unconditionally as no label as to who owns what has been placed by nature onto any resource that exists on this earth, thus ownership is created by man, enabling a few to profit and cloister the freely given resources of this earth to benefit only a small portion of the life existent on this earth, enslaving the rest to a petty game of survival where no life is developed, evident in the fact that there is no transcendence of death, and only the worship/warship of an imaginary friend/god promising some image of an afterlife that no one has ever seen.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there comes a point where a person is so filled with frustration and hate and suppression of self as life that that person can no longer take the inner pressure and fear and will decide to release himself/herself from the pain caused by the accumulation of stress and worry and self judgement - as the system promotes that if one does not work one cannot make a living, even though there are billions starving who cannot work as the resource beneath their feet is so easily taken out while supposed charity support is so difficult to get into areas where such starvation exists which if looked at in common sense makes no sense, as obviously if man can fly to the moon man can feed this world and support life, but the few allowed and accepted to own resource must perpetuate the game in order to maintain a status above the rest and cannot allow the full development of the human as the human would then realize equality and oneness, that the physical is what is real and not what is taught as what is broadcast upon this earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not not see realize and understand that what is broadcast on this earth will remain resonantly within and as my human physical body as my body is 70% water and this will take a picture - so to speak- of what is here, and this will remain with me and become the “sound” of me, where what is broadcast drives me to believe that success is driving a fancy car, or having an attractive woman, or owning the biggest house, or achieving the greatest power and stature in this physical world, where there is no principle behind the gaining of such things, and no real self directive substantial living that is my self the human able to transcend death, and within this what I am taught to chase is not real, only the creation of a picture in the image and likeness of the very pictures presented by current advertising, which is paid for by those who have a signature on a piece of paper that states ownership on a planet where the earth gives freely.

i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize, see and understand, that humans sitting around on couches watching television is not life, and is the image and likeness of zombies.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand, that teen agers drinking themselves into  speaking in slurred tongues is not that child being an expression of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that an octogenarian sitting around in a vegetative state is not life, and this state is no way to end a life, and is the indication of a life that has not been lived but merely diminished, the opposite of life blooming to meet death in full awareness and transcendence.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that a man hanging himself in an attic, or lighting himself on fire is a loud and clear statement that something is out of LIFE order on this planet.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that when I am sitting in front of some shrink and they are telling me that “it is not my fault” and I become confused and have both thoughts of “yes, somehow it is my fault, and no if i were to hang myself then it would not be anyone’s fault but my own” and somehow the two cannot be reconciled yet both are somehow real, and if I look at this world in totality I will see, realize and understand that I a human as a collective have abdicated my self responsibility, as what has been told to the human to exist as, to love your neighbor as yourself, has not in fact been lived on this planet, and thus the crime of such behaviors as lighting oneself on fire and hanging oneself in an attic is indeed the fault of an allowed and accepted system that does not support life, but only support the profits made by endlessly divided freely given earth resource into a system of separation where money represents resource and is then given ownership as control to a very limited number of people, who then desire to remain on the top where all benefit of ownership and control allow a comfortable slow diminishing life experience instead of a pressure, starvation, disease, existence of a more painful and quick not transcending of death life.

I commit myself to understanding that suicide on this earth is an atrocity, that suicide is unacceptable and not and expression of life, thus, that suicide exists on this planet is a clear and loud scream that what the human is is not life, period.

I commit myself to understanding how the IMF/banking, economic hit-men, advertising, education, the change of a child able to rabidly learn to a child as adult that can no longer learn a new language with ease can be what the human as child into adult becomes, on this earth.

I commit myself to realize the lethargy and tiredness I feel when I come home from work is due to lack of proper nutrition, emotionally resonant beliefs, opinions and ideas that have never been resolved to allow me as the human to direct myself one and equal to life are caused - and are what as been accepted and allowed by every single human being on this earth-  by self abdication of self responsibility as life within, and the acceptance of a monetary system without that does not support life, but instead has turned money into what determines the state of life in this planet, an earth that gives unconditionally and in effect cannot be owned unless the human accepts and allows this.

I commit myself to realizing that there is no excuse that the resources of this earth be used to support all life, no matter what, and within this that each and every thought, emotion and feeling existent within myself that does not support this, is a reflection of where I myself have abdicated myself as an expression of what i am, which is life, where as life I am in fact one and equal to all that exists.

I commit myself to asking myself why I am not aware of all that exists on this earth, that I should be able to trade places with anything on this planet and be ensured of no matter where i am or what i am that I am an expression of life, and not a death of no awareness at death, of no transcendence at death, as this is a clear indication that I am in fact not life.

I commit myself to realizing that I am bitter , that I realize somehow that I have not lived, and that I blame this world, I blame objects and systems of no real name or objective clarity should i stop and really look at where and on what I place blame, that the blame I place is on in fact a system, and that this system is in fact a collection of humans, thus is the blame myself as I am a human, a part of an accepted and allowed system that does not support life, that takes what is freely given by this earth and uses money to divide this life sustaining resource to benefit only a few, causing stress and starvation for others, when what is here can support all life.

I commit myself to forgive all emotions and thoughts and feelings imbedded within, to begin the process of cleaning up a system of inequality on this earth that in fact does not support life so that the children to come will blossom as life and not as a future man lighting himself on fire, or hanging himself in an attic.

Life Review: Know thyself

The Soul of Money