So many times I have people say to me that they cannot support for profit entities.
Here, remind them that this system of a profit based system, so if there is no profit, there is no support. I also state that the state law says this clearly, that governing bodies are to ensure that what is for the common good is present and not profit ONLY.
The reactions vary. Some stand and blink, as though this is difficult conceptually. Some get irritated, and then seek escape as no answer can be found. Some go into some kind of weird happy face thing, that denies through changing the subject. Some become totally afraid and visibly look like they are about to fall over, they are shaking so hard. In all these reactions there is a definite friction; the eyes start darting around, or become really glossy and stare.
For me, this is starting an inability to conceptualize, to move from a singular idea into an awareness of what actually exists. It is as though this concept of common good in conjunction with what exists as profit, is really hard to fathom, and it is the person realizing they cannot voice this accepted statement anymore, as it is actually ignorant. I am disrupting a limited dictate as idea that actually makes no sense.
So this issue came up again. This time the person was visibly unsettled. Eyes darting around. And then within myself I noticed myself, swimming around, like I was not looking in between looking. I was afraid of the upset but i managed to stop myself from becoming so upset and remaining here. Then I realized the person with whom I spoke was the same thing as I was. She was avoiding moving from the singular belief accepted, and fearing stepping from this accepted statement, and I was worried that I was going to be rejected, because of this limited belief and my own desire to succeed. But I stopped, not because of any directive, but more because I did not want to go there, it was not a choice. It was like seeing an emotional storm begin and just saying no.
We really are warping reality here. Things just get so unclear within this. Wow.
How much do I do this, actually “blank out” from here, and this being because I cannot see the actual structures of what is here, and blank into some fear, some limited idea?
So, I went home, and I realize that this whole scenario is looking conceptually at what is here in common sense, being aware of what is here as this system AND moving within it without desire, want and need as fear clouding self direction. Moving from a singular, habituated idea, as a piece of information that does not see the totality of what exists ( and is even stated within a charter) into realizing that it is singular, is too much for some people, and for others disconcerting.
I realize that this is what is being done to our children. They are taught by teachers and parents who are walking pieces as ideas, opinions and beliefs that are habituated and mislead in that they are not aware of, or revealing , of the totality of what is actually here. So many things taught are limited and based on un-clarified accepted assumptions and thus limiting, creating a walking recitation of statements that are a piece of understanding that has no connection to what is real.
I am an adult, but a child facing something like this, they have no chance. And, more than likely, most adults will probably feel intimidated if a child actually pointed something out that made what the adult said look limited!
Something happened after this. In the last day, when I speak with people I am too aware of the moment of “blankness” as not being hereness. And I notice how much others are appearing to do the same “blankness” thing. Okay.
I have gone back to the beginning; I am here. I am here. I am here, I can’t go there, this is really really fucked up what we are doing. And we are doing this, teaching this to children.
There is clarity and molasses.
The moment I fell was wanting to be worthy, wanting this other person to think me worthy, which means I fear being unworthy. This became big for a moment. And I am procrastinating within getting something done because I fear this.
But I remember having so many people come up and praise me for a performance, and realizing that this praise, though pleasing, really is not so valid, in that it was in myself doing the thing that was what was enjoyable and once the moment of doing it was done, that was it.
I have also had happy faces of praise come to me, only to find later that this was like a competitive glee in the person, later going and trashing me behind my back. I am wary around too much praise, for me it brings out a red light, I do not trust this, as I have learned it is a face of spite and self satisfaction in the presenter, it is competition.
The sneaky snake of cunning maneuver is how I saw this. To face this will require patience and not allowing myself to fall into a character of believing myself to be unworthy.
If I stopped and caught myself leaving breath and what was actually physically happening, watching a piece try to grasp the whole; conceive of parts in common sense, then this can be done, as this is life being here directing, then there is no need to procrastinate. And this procrastination feels like I am moving like molasses, which is what an inner boohooing actually is. lol Like, “ Will someone please come and hold my hand so I don’t have to do this alone.”
Even, though, in common sense, it will take more than one standing in common sense, because the boohooers will be all that is sounded. The non boohooers will have to get as big as or bigger than those boohooing. lol
From here, I will walk this character of “unworthiness.”
