Day 363 Education is the Responsibility of us All together.

I remember working with this girl in a fourth grade classroom where this girl had a hard time with her school work. SO, I sat with her and tried to bring some understanding within the work. I would try and get her to see a pattern in the work, through outlining the structure inherent in the form of what was being studied.
This child would often just stare at me, her pupils huge. At the time I looked at her and had the thought, because it seemed so frustrating to me, that there seemed to be nothing there, like she was not grasping anything I was saying, as though she was looking but unable to take anything in. I “ stood back” so to speak and just looked at her. And this is when I thought that it was as though there was nothing there, absolutely no movement, like she was trying to look within herself but could find nothing. I did not really understand what this was, yet I did not look at my own evaluations as the answer was there in my words to myself.
There was no structure there, there was no development within understanding what was going on, like the basics had not been developed within being able to even see a form, to grasp a form, it needed to be walked, and I had expectations that these simple things must already be developed.
Some days later, there was a parent-teacher conference. The mother of this girl came and talked with the teacher with whom I was working. He was a male.
There was never any talk of the girl. this woman only talked about herself and her life, and she then tried to pick up the teacher. I was astounded. I did not put it all together, as I was too busy being astounded that this mother had not talked about her daughter, but herself, and that she was trying to pick up a member of the community who was married. I got lost in the absurdity, which is to be lost in judgement, meaning seeing what existed and then not looking at the details, putting them together at the point it is within a continuum of development and doing the same that I was trying to do with this child, place this into a structure of movement as to what is here and from that point forming a structure to move beyond into more awareness. Instead we all remain within judgement, and run around telling stories of it, gossiping about it instead of looking at the limitation, realizing it is unacceptable and directing it forward into what would move such state of being, into awareness and within this removing the limitation and the stagnation into a more fulfilling directive state of being, and this also means forgiving that limited state, realizing it is due to a lack and nothing else, it is not something to judge and denigrate.

It is a useless practice remaining in limitation, as gossip and denigration, to hide what self realizes exists within self as well, that self simply does not want to face and direct in ways that are supportive and developmental, to form a state of being that is supportive, sustaining, considerate and productive within the whole of society.
The name calling and the limitation naming within and as back chat and gossip and peer group forming around such character assassination/assignment - nations is the use of an own ability to structure sound as we do with speaking words, that we are allowing instead to form and retain limitations of what others are within our communities. These reflections of how we are the same limitation and thus, are really acts of hiding from what we realize we are doing within ourselves as well. It is easier to create an attention on something outside of ourselves than it is to face how within the character assigning we do about others, we are really describing what we are doing to ourselves - the degrees of development not really as wide as our focus makes them as they are all within the same limited spectrum in totality. We are describing what others do because it is what we are doing ourselves, and we are using our ability to see and describe in hiding this from ourselves instead of standing up and looking at the whole and directing ourselves as being this ability to organize and direct and form and consider and help each other within our recognitions of lack within and without. It is that it is all here right in front of us and we use what we are to support limitation and maintain stagnation instead of seeing behavior as limitation indicators or directives within what is needed to develop and sustain in ways that are supportive of all of us together as one.
The thing about living in a small town is that the circles are small and when they interact news of what is going on is heard, so it is easier to see the relationships within because the connections are more visible because the circle is smaller.
There are many single moms here, and some single dads.
There are single moms that change men every so often and there are single moms who don’t. There are single moms who lay low, so to speak, they go to work and maintain themselves and their children. There are some single moms who live varying degrees of chaos and order. One cannot say that one size within behavior fits all single moms. And the idea that single women are fucking more than others is really a sever fallacy.
In a small town everyone knows what every one else is doing. I mean it gets to the point where I know who was at the local watering hole until late, especially if they have a muffler problem, because i can hear the car driving through town late at night. And there is pretty much only one place open that late. lol.
The number of women and men who swap husbands and wives is as great as or equal to the number of single women who change men. And this is not just marriages changingtowards single women, it is marriages that change because of relationships with other married people. The pool is the total pool of relationships, single and married, it has nothing to do with single women. That husband and or that wife are just as likely to fool around as that single women. Just live in a small town and this becomes obvious.
So, this mother, was an upstanding community member, she had a job and maintained an existence, as it seemed financially from the outside. Yet she did not have a man. Her care was about getting a man, and she worked it. Perhaps she did not want a man to marry and just wanted sex. From the parent/teacher conference this was more important than talking about her daughter. Obviously, she was not only this, because she did have a modicum of responsibility because she was maintaining a home. Her daughter was physically taken care of somewhat, but there was a lack in care within development in her school work, and the mother was not paying attention as her attentions were on an idea as to how she should be, meaning needing a man, and as there are women and single men who when they have the financial means or ability to structure themselves because of opportunity, they can as one parent household tale care of their children. Somewhere they were developed and able to organize themselves to some extent here.
I have also seen families where the men expect the women to take care of this, which is also unacceptable as it is the responsibility of each parent. I have seen families where the men are the ones paying attention, so men are as capable. I have seen families where both are not paying attention. All manner of care and lack exists, and I cannot really say if one is more than another, all degrees exist, thus to label one scenario as prominent is the act of wanting to make an easy scape goat or abdication idol/story to whine about to hide from self responsibility. It really boils down to this, as what labeling is and does as the state of being as labeling is not an action and consideration of having pointed out a lack and directing within what sustains and develops beyond lack into awareness. Gossip is name calling and self loathing/hiding, it is an abdication of life. It is self justification in not looking at the whole. It is self giving self’s power away into limitation and thus stagnation. This is what is allowing the existence of abuse in this world, it is how we have created the state of non-development on earth. It is what is being taken advantage of by those who have managed to control money, and they are labeling each of us as we are labeling each of us, it is just that they have taken the means to live in comfort. THey have more structure and direction, but even this is limited, as is cares for itself only which means the whole has not been realized.
The fact that what is here is not shared to support all life, to develop and care for all life, is due to being in a state of judgement that one thing is more and or less than another, one thing is a state of limitation and thus stupid, when it is being this labeling only that is the cause of the inequality and lack of an earth developed in full potential as life. Thus we are all to blame and we are all in lack as we are all not directing ourselves here within and as what is best for all, we are not taking the ability of ourselves to see and using it to support and direct everything that is here towards full awareness of what we are.
If this mother was not so obsessed with her own needs, perhaps her daughter would be further along in her development. If i had understood more readily that the daughter had had little structure in her life in terms of school work help and guidance, and had not suddenly been sitting in front of a fourth grade student with my own expectations as to what this child should be able to do already in the fourth grade then I might have been of more help. Had I, as a public school teacher at the time had more time to help this child I might have done this, but unfortunately, a public school teacher, as the present system exists cannot possibly sit and cover the missing/lost ground with each child. The public schools move within a group addressing structure and there is not time to address severe lack in one child that comes from a house hold where, for whatever reasons, the parents or parent did not, or do not, have the time to catch what was missed by a child.
So many parents are caught up in ideas of what is supposed to exist and or their own personal desires that they become a complaint instead of common sense, evaluating what is here and working with it, not blaming anything, but simply looking at what exists as the present system, all the way from the monetary to the educational and the environmental, we are all responsible for what is here and it is our responsibility to look within finding solutions instead of just blaming and spiting and name calling and labeling, as these acts of delineation only are not directive and problem solving. And since this has been going on for so long, there is a lot to realign and clean up. To begin with, it is within ourselves and the ideas we have allowed to direct us, that must be looked at and realized as not good or bad per say, but not chased after as the end all be all, as it is our self direction within what is here that is living and not an idea as a picture of what should be, and that the cause of our lack is due to something outside of ourselves, as what is here we have all accepted and allowed unless we slow down and really look at what needs to be done, within the awareness that our state of self abdication and blame has been going on for a long time and developed a system of lack, and that it will take many standing together to get this in order within and as what would be best for all as the only choice available for life on earth.
The solution to removing a lot of the financial stress that causes behaviors of fear of loss that consume and take attention away from developing our children, expecially for those who came from households where the financial lack lead to non-development because the monetary means were so limited, is a system of equal basic needs support. We as humans have basic needs that allow a development of ourselves to become self responsible and healthy enough to be able to stand and direct ourselves. Thus, equal distribution of what is needed to support what we are as human bodies, must be implemented, The structure of the present system does not support life, and as such through denial causes expressions of life that are in denial as the means is not given to give developmental opportunity. And, those of us that have had the opportunity and exposure to some level of development, and are reasonably stable, have the responsibility to realize a system that gives this, which is to be as this earth, to give as we would like to receive, as this earth gives freely, it has no one’s persons name, or no corporate logo on any resource, that logo is placed by a hand of a man, or a few men, it is only real if we accept and allow it.
Equal Money is the living manifestation within the present tools of organization on earth, of giving as one would like to receive, of realizing the basic needs of physical existence, and that it is only lack of development and the ability to develop that is being ignored as what we are as physical beings capable of becoming and living. What we are is inherent in the design of what we are as humans. The starting point of our lack of insight begins within each and every one of us. We are the cause of our own demise as how we allowed ourselves to be within, in allowing ourselves to ignore how we are all the same, and how self direction within this sameness realization is how we develop life in totality to exist within self directive equal consideration of all life.
Our consciousness , as our minds, is the voice of what we have accepted and allowed within ignoring our own common sense as life. Consciousness is the reflection of the behaviors that are the self not taking a direction into awareness, consciousness is the signifier of our state of being focus resisting life, resisting self direction as life. The behaviors of this resistance to life are in every newspaper, are in our refusal to work with nature, are in the eyes of our children, are in the pollution in our waters, our resistances show up in the malfunctions of our societies as we try and force limited ideas as labels about why what is here exists as it does.
Our minds take in forms and structures, this is not a linear only “ flat” story line, it is a from of many dimensions, which would explain why we have a media that is attempting to place screens all over the earth to distract us away from the physical natural earth, because if the forms taken in are of singular design than we are diminished and unaware of ourselves as life, and within this diminishment we lose solid substantial ground and then in our ambiguous standing we become fear, and yet this that is being done without, we have done ourselves within, so the cause is from a starting point within each of us. We are to blame.
We are lost within mono-poles, one sided one size fits all, that do not consider the multidimensional fabric of expression that is all of same substance as what is here. We have separated ourselves from this, and consciousness and our limited value system is what we accept that is a mono insight of life and this separation hides in lesser state as energyplaying out justifications for the resistance to life in judgement of trying to substantiate the fear that is the behavior of separation into what separation would create - a lesser awareness. So, the positive thought is the desireswithin the limitation, which is singular and thus the promise of which is never realized or never lasting because it is not equal and one with what is substantial, as being substantial mens being equal and one with this life supporting actual physical world, as this is what is real.
Thus the separation as mind, as consciousness must stop, and the limited ideas as mind must be realigned with the physical, as the substance of what we are as life, and then from here we begin to direct ourselves realizing that there is no real life until every physical expression on earth is in full expression as life, equal and one with and as the physical.
Bring yourself back to earth, walk out of your mind. Support a system that realizes that life is the value, that the physical world is what is real. Support the physical solution of equality, Equal Money. 

Day 328 Rejection Character

Fear Dimension Rejection Character
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being in common sense with and as life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow myself down, to breath and to become without desire here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that life is here, that all that I can do within this moment here, is physically apply myself in common sense with here, as I am one person, one body only able to do what I as a human can do physically here, on this physical world, thus, all I can be is the movement of myself here in relation with the life that is here, in common sense, thus looking at what is actually here, and interacting with what is physically here is all that i can be in this moment, thus the focus of myself can only be on what is here, to communicate with what is here as life realizing how here works, where if what is here is taken away from what I am as a human, I have no opportunity to be able to look here, to interact with here which is to say that if what is here is taken how can I become self responsible as life?
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become angry with a system that is a construct of the taking of opportunity from men, through media, through education, by design, as design is understood to be a means and way to organize what is here, and thus the systemic design is a creation with a purpose of serving a few only, the same who design the media, the educational system, the prison system, the economic system, and thus the blame can only be on myself for having accepted and allowed my self responsibility to have been given/abdicated to a representative voice, despite the common sense that it takes many men to fight in a war, that it takes more than one human to grow food, that it takes more than one human to process animals in existent CAFOS, that it takes many men to present what is presented through the media, which is a group of men accepting and allowing disinformation, the dissing of the from of self as life, forgiving of self as life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear rejection should I allow myself to become equal and one with common sense, allow myself to be vulnerable as life,speaking up in common sense, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that common sense is not dirty.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that the limited beliefs, opinions and ideas are impenetrable.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that to fear common sense is abuse of life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the emotional and physical abuse implied within the word , as the definition, of being vulnerable which means being in common sense of life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an idea that being rejected by another means that I am somehow “dirty.”
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the veil of consciousness is a veil of fear, a veil of separation, into self preservation within a system that acts in self interest without consideration of life as being the value here, a system that is the image and likeness of my own fear of self responsibility, self honesty, self directive principle in and as what is best for all is best for self here, where the common sense of myself is to take what is good, to stand as what is best for all, equal and one.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear pointing out a limited belief, because in so doing I am actually “killing” a limited belief, which will initially create a reaction from the carrier of such a limited belief, where that belief must be brought back to a common sense of this actual physical world, and thus this limited belief can no longer be what defines.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how limited beliefs are the web holding the present system of inequality in place, a system that is abusive and brutal as it acts in the self interest of a few and does not in common sense realize itself as life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in rejecting common sense I am separating myself form life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to reject common sense of here into and as accepting limited knowledge and information, into being and becoming taught knowledge and information that has no experience with application with the actual physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to reject applying/ walking knowledge and information through common sense of the actual physical world, to fear asking questions that demand answers within and as realizing knowledge and information in relation to common sense of the actual physical world, such questioning often a confrontation for the allowing of oneself to a limited belief bearing no witness to what is systemically existent on earth.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear aligning belief, opinions and ideas to and towards common sense of what is best for all, which means understanding the present system, investigating how the present system functions, a system of self preservation for a few, so engrossed within this system that all common sense of earth has beed veiled and thus within this, it will take many to stand and move through the veil of inequality, of limited beliefs, opinions and ideas, to stand in common sense with and as the physical, to create a strong voice of common sense of life, and this voice of common sense to walk the land of earth to realign this earth, in gentle step, one step at a time, to create an earth that is self honest as life, self responsible as life, this that each and every human being longs for, where all that is needed is to accept self as life, to step out of themind/consciousness and to breath, to become equal and one to and as the physical.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear common sense.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to accept a system of one way communication, where as media exists that dictates instead of shares, a system where ourchildren sit and take dictations as how they spend their days as children, a system that does not allow the human child to interact, communicate, become one and equal to and as their physical body in common sense, a system that develops knowledge and information without practical application, thus creating robots that spew the ‘party line” of a centralized system of one way dictation without allowing the ability of humanity to become equal and one in understanding of self as life, as what self is a composition of, and thus able to self realize self as life, in common sense.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that whenever I talk about children, I want to cry , as I become that child once again, and within this memory I am standing in front of my father believing myself to be dirty, and feeling so frustrated and somehow not having the words to express myself, and at the same time beginning to believe that perhaps I am dirty, that there is something wrong with me, and at the same time becoming so angry, and so self righteous, wanting to lash out towards my father,, with whom I spent may years fighting, to the point where when my mother would leave the house i was told that I was not to talk with my father so that a fight would not manifest, a verbal fight, as it was a verbal fight more than anything.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that somehow I did not want to accept this fact that I was “dirty” as somehow this made no sense, yet I did not know how to explain myself, as what i had been taught, was being taught to be, was a limited construct of knowledge and information and thus lacked the very learning of the movement of myself in common sense of myself as being equal and one to and as the physical, and within this fighting allowed myself to become the burning fires of righteousness, this a separation and blame of life, and thus did I veil myself from myself as life, in common sense of life, and within this, I was always chasing what I perceived to be gentle, as within my righteousness I came to feel that i lacked a gentle nature and thus would move towards men that I felt were gentle, believing this would somehow save me, projecting this onto an object in separation from myself , not seeing realizing and understanding that i am this, that this that is believed to be separate is available right here, as myself as life, that standing and being equal and one in common sense of life, does not need connection as separation into and as energy as mind to self righteous anger and fear, and that within myself my reaction as anger, manifest as fighting as righteousness is myself crying , is the movement of myself from myself, away from myself as the common sense of myself as life, into and as protection and defense in the face of the storm of emotions, feelings and thoughts as the mind of a con-sciousness as what my parents were within a system of inequality, a systemic fear of survival non supportive of life, here, where the only choice is to realize the value is life, and to create a system of equality, using the structures existent to begin to realign ourselves equal and one, through equal money, to finally live and create a heaven on earth.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that fearing rejection, is an illusion, where the fear becomes self, and thus within this looking here is no longer possible, where I must stop and breath, and look at here in detail and bring myself back here, stabilize myself in and as breath, to practically apply how here functions within and as what is best for all is best for self, where I do not allow myself to make an object as a person or idea a limitation, determining what i am here as the expression of myself here, I stand and I look and move and speak in consideration of what is best for all, as this is best for self, I essentially bring myself within my physical body and realize myself here, in common sense of here, where the words of another can be used to direct what is being expressed into and as what would support all life, equal and one, as life being the value here, where any belief, opinion and idea is simply a part/piece needing alignment into and as what is best for all, what would support all life as life being the value here.
I commit myself to seeing , realizing and understanding that what I face in fear, and/or in frustration are ideas being expressed, often again and again, when another speaks and reacts to what does not agree with limitation, will, just as with myself when learning something new, need repetition, restatement, time to consider, time for rebellion, as a limited idea made huge, in and as energy, does not want to change its view point and thus will react, such reaction will resist alignment within and as what works, within what is best for all, and will also react within not having agreement, as an idea in separation from life as limited insight in separation from equality and oneness to and as life seeks justification and will become reaction if it is not fed, and thus such behavior is simply a storm of separation from life here, not something to fear, simply something to walk into and as life, equal and one in common sense of life here.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that fearing the words of another, or fearing loss, as in fearing being rejected is simply myself fearing the loss of myself as an idea, and thus not what is real, as this physical world is what is real, and thus, all desires within and as myself, and without, can be brought back to self, equal and one to and as life here.
I commit myself to breathing, to slowing myself down, to becoming patient in the storm of energy, as separation from life here, to realize that myself as energy has a quality of “loopyness” that can be read, in and as the emotions, thoughts and feelings in and as my mind, which can then be forgiven back to myself as life here, realigned equal and one in common sense of what is best for all, where it is to recognize any and all blame and spite within and without, to stop and to breath and to not allow this energetic action, as it is an action of discord and ‘hunger” frustration and thus separation from life,, here.
I commit myself to slowing myself down and breathing, to not allow the anxiety within and as myself to become a search for justification in and as a morality of values taught in childhood and by a society if inequality partitioned into divisions of class, race, nationality, gender, age, to see realize and understand that such self definitions are limited as consideration of what i am and can only limit if accepted and allowed such expression, as the value is life, equal and one as what each and every one of us is, here.
I commit myself to slow myself down and breath, each and every time I notice and/or catch myself becoming frustrated and thus fearful of loss and rejection, moving into an energetic reaction of wanting to win, to see, realize and understand that in allowing myself to become a desire to win, I have already rejected life, here, and thus it is for myself to stop and to breath, to slow myself down and look here in common sense to align myself within and as the principle of oneness in equality, as what is best for all , to investigate what is here and to take that which is good, and to realize and make it clear that within a profit based system, a system of debt and usury, what has been allowed before life is the benefit of a few.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that in and as what I am as life here, am I able to use common sense through being equal and one to and as the physical to look and see what exists here and what is the course of action within and as what is best for all, through walking through ambiguity as the answer to and towards what is best for all is directly here, as this is the gift of life here.
I commit myself to taking the thought that I lack in gentleness back to myself as life, as this is not something separate from me, whether this self judgement of lack as a belief, is a cultural stance in and as something relegated within gender, or taken as being vulnerable, where within this belief, lies the strength of self as life, as it is the patience of gentleacceptance as a state of non-resistance that accepting and sensing what is here is the way and means of sensing the space here, as what is here is freely given in and as life, an act of gentleness by its very nature, as what life is here, thus has being vulnerable been made a behavior of ignorance and considered a weakness when in fact it is a strength, as the gentle patience of allowing oneself to be open and vulnerable is where self can sense what is here.

Thought Dimension Rejection character
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have thoughts about another and about myself within and as I face anxiety in fearing rejection where I attempt to find redemption within seeking a point of like mindedness with another , to stop and to realize this is not a solution to oneness and equality here, where the solution is to stand here, stable within breath, to slow myself down and not allow myself to find a counter focus to hide my own fear of rejection towards another.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to peruse another person to look at how they dress, their mannerisms, their stance, their accent, their demeanor to gage a response to and towards them that will elicit an agreeable interaction, as this is myself shielding myself from an idea I have accepted and allowed that I will be rejected, where I have already become unstable into and as energy as a fear of loss, to at this moment stop and breath, and not react to any and all behaviors with which I encounter, to here, see, realize and understand that there are no answers within and as the thoughts, as the dialogue of limited values as what i was taught within defining another according to the morality within which I was born on earth, to here stop and to breath, and to simply see what is here as one and equal to and as me, and to direct within brutal self honesty within and as what is best for all.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how myself as mind has no stability, is an act of separation, manifest as emotional and feeling reactions, and thoughts that attempting to talk with another is impossible.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel in the face of another talking that it is impossible to communicate with them in common sense.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that another will not be interested in hearing anything but their own self validations.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that I must hurry, within and as explaining myself when talking with another person.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that actually looking at another person is too much to bear.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the thought that actually looking at another person is too much to bear, as what this is is looking at myself, and/or looking at what is consciousness, a mind in separation in and as thoughts, emotions and feelings, consuming what is here in separation from life, where this is simply an energetic storm that within specificity is able to be walked back into equal and one, to and as life , here, through thus stabilizing as breath, slowing down, and utilizing common sense allowing myself to look at the physical world, as this is what is real, right here in front of me, as what is here is life, equal and one, to and as what I am here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that I cannot do this, I cannot stop the mind, of thoughts, and the emotions and feelings in and as myself here, and to forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i cannot change what is here, that I had not found the magic words to change actions that have transpired within and as my life and world, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become impatient with myself within and as learning to see what i have accepted and allowed within and as myself as thought, emotions and feelings.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that all thoughts are of judgement, seeking a self validation, an escape from facing myself as life, here, to giving up ideas about who i am, and what i am here, to see, realize and understand that in understanding how the mind works, it is to recognize thoughts as a shield from facing self, where there are thoughts as:
idols, of pointing out a positive, to avoid a negative,
a memory “state” as a desire to be within comfort in not wanting to deal with facing here, making decisions within realizing what I fear facing believing myself incapable,
imagining a gloom and doom scenario, believing myself to not have a way forward, which is a belief that a past failure is what I am here, which is an ignorance of realizing how this physical world works, where ideas as labels become what i am, which I accept and allow,
To have thoughts of blame and spite, wanting to run from here, not face here, allowing a self judgement as believing myself to be inferior and thus a hopeless case
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that when and as I catch myself becoming frustrated, angry, self righteous I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I allow myself to become vulnerable within and as facing the storm of emotions, thoughts and feelings in and as energy, to become equal and one to what is here and forgive myself within looking at the energetic reaction , to become one and equal to and as it, gently, breathing, moving this through my chest, within and as compassion, in total forgiveness, without hope of gain or fear of loss, to give direction to and towards this within what is best for all, within what brings the gentle state in and as another accepting and allowing self forgiveness within allowing a vulnerable self to be open to whatever outcome leads to a solution within and as putting an end to the conflict and friction that is consciousness endlessly seeking self justification, to within being forgiving, as self as life, to realize that nothing can be lost but self as life, here, and thus the moment I find myself reacting in and as mind, within and as fear of rejection , I stop and I breath, and I find my own heart/earth and I allow myself to be and become vulnerable to stand as myself as life in self forgiveness to bearth/earth myself here, equal and one and to no longer allow my mind to become spite and blame, anger and fear, even if and when the storm of emotion and feeling and word as thought resists/becomes heated/bullies.
I commit myself to, when and as I sense a desire to become righteous, I stop and I breath, and I do not respond until I have brought myself back into the physical through breath, and slowing myself down, I remain here, stable and steady in and as being forgiving paying attention to what would be best for all, even admitting the need for investigation when necessary not allowing this to become a judgement in and as a weakness which is a belief that I must be perfect, an illusion as there is not perfection unless what is oneself in thought word and deed is what is best for all, in every moment here.
I commit myself to practice walking within and as breath, here, remaining vulnerable as in being open within and as being self forgiving within and as what is best for all here, this being an ability to answer within a state of ease, as the gift of life, is here, and this gift is freely given, here, right in front of us, thus the will of self need only forgive itself as life, to what is freely given here, which is life, given without any manner of condition, and thus the only rejection that exists is myself resisting life, as it is here, gently given, where the shame of myself is to not have seen this, right in front of me, this tool of self forgiveness to a gift given right in front of me, and within this it is for all to realize that somewhere, at some point everyone has been this for a moment, thus we all know this, all it takes is to become this as a constant, here, where this is right in front of us.

                                                       DIP Lite Forgive yourself back to life

Day 304 Disgust towards attention seekers.

One of the reactions I have had in my life again and again, and I even created a name for it, is the label of another person being an “attention seeker.” I remember teaching in a school and in the class there was a child that needed insulin throughout the day. The teachers and the staff had to remain on top of this. Even though this child was often in the hospital on the weekends and during vacation, as her mother would neglect the insulin shots for her daughter. She was a classic attention seeker herself, the mother. And so was the daughter. This child would constantly raise her hand and ask to use the restroom, and/or if she needed her shot. And she was not a very focused student. Already, the child had learned her mother’s behavior. This would annoy me, and of course I had to take care of the girl, but it seemed to me that she would ask for something, call attention to herself in moments when the class was quiet and listening. I found this very disruptive. The children in the class noticed , but did not react. This helped me, even though I was the one annoyed by this behavior at the time. Of course, this was all accepted, because no one wanted to deal with the mother.

I do have this memory of myself as a small child, wanting attention from my father, and I go up to him, and he turns suddenly, knocking me over, and I fall on a bike, and am humiliated. I had suddenly appeared wanting attention, and when i did not get the reaction I wanted, and fell on the tricycle, I became angry, and stomped off.
I had gone to get attention, and there was no real substance to this desire.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become disgusted with actions of others that I have labeled as seeking attention, where the judgement I have and the reaction i allow is myself projecting self disgust from an event in my past, where i acted within self interest as wanting attention.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that what humiliation I experienced as I fell is an indication that I had not been present, and interrupted my father simply to get attention, and when I fell, and reacted with humiliation, then became indignant, because i had not gotten what i wanted, as attention, and stormed away in a rage of spite and blame instead of taking responsibility for myself, realizing that my fall was due to my own lack of self responsibility to and towards the situation at hand.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in this memory, as I walk towards my father, I am so locked into a singular desire for attention, to have him turn and give me attention, that i am completely unaware of my environment, like I am possessed with this desire for attention, and when I fall, I realize my folly and become embarrassed with myself, and go into humiliation and then anger and blame, and stomp off in a rage, where I hold onto this and carry this with me into the present, and become disgusted when I see this same behavior in others, as I have not forgiven myself for being caught up in this energetic desire for attention, which I had no real recognition of, at least enough to stop this before I realized, after the physical harm I experienced, was due to a lack of being self honest in that moment.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to label actions of seeking attention with a negative connotation, in and as fearing being revealed as the same.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i am tired, in this moment, as writing this out is creating a strong reaction of wanting to go to sleep. ugh.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that this sudden tiredness, where all I want to do in this moment is fall over and sleep is my self resisting facing this point, here, of facing this reaction to attention seekers as annoying where I separate from myself into value judgements of more than and less than, specifically judging the attention seeker as “less than” to make myself a “more than” as I hang onto my own self judgement of myself having acted with no real substance.

Day 251 Thoughts within Self abdication Care actor

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must give attention to the present structure of society within care for one human being more than another.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that being a mother is how I must present myself where my attentions are on taking care of a house, and mychildren only, and within this what is happening in the world, as in understanding the structures of this world as the monetary system and how this effects what is presented within the health system, and the education system are not of my concern, not seeing realizing and understanding that the very existent structures within this world will determine the outcomes of my children and my home, thus within and as caring for what is within my immediate environment is determined by the very structures of what man has built.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in all common sense to have a thought that I am a mother only, or a widow only and within this to believe that my concerns within my role abdicate any responsibility within investigation into and as how this world functions as systems, is myself accepting limitations with and as myself as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in thinking only about my immediate concerns without understanding what man has created and investigating the total ways and means the present system functions, what directive capacity really exists within and as me?
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize what my thoughts are attentions to.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I look to my thoughts and try to understand the totality of this system, by investigating how money moves in this world, how investing works, how usury works, where money is spent within the government budget, why there are people who do not have a roof over their head, instead of making judgements based on the cultural beliefs in which I live, within religion and spirituality, within class and nationality, all of this in tandem within how money moves and distributes life supporting resources, how these resources are processed, to see, realize and understand what is in fact here as a movement of what is here, where as I investigate I will begin to see that many of the ways things are organized on this earth are not what is best for all, and that there is no common sense within and as this.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stop and to see, how my thoughts are all within limited attentions, and should I begin to investigate, I will find it difficult to take in some of the forms of the existent structures, which is something to be curious about in and as itself, because I am life, and thus why would it be that I cannot grasp life, here with ease, especially since children can learn so quickly?
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that if I am wanting to save someone or something, this in itself indicates that life is not being supported on this planet, as when there is ease, things move smoothly and this is not what exists on this earth.
I forgive myself for not seeing, realizing and understanding, through standing back and realizing how my thoughts are products of a system that supports inequality, thus myself in separation from understanding what is here as life, where I would be able to understand how separate i have become from life, simply by going and doing some manual task that I have never ever attempted before, like building some steps - for instance- it would mean I would have to slow down and use my common sense, to slowly walk through what needs to be done, but instead I would stop and think “ this is a man’s job” or “ I cannot handle a circular saw” or “ I can’t see and understand the simple zigzag shape of a board cut out to fit steps, when this shape and this saw and this step are simple fucking shapes and if I can’t LOOK and understand this then it is obvious that how I exist and what I allow has become extremely limited, and within this realize this is the mind as consciousness accepting limited beliefs based on social dictates accepted and allowed without common sense.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I meet someone from what is labeled as a “lower level of society” to realize that, just as I might not be able to walk through the steps of building a set of steps, such humans have never walked through within self direction within specific understanding and realization of what it means to take care of self, a state of ease and self direction has never existed for them, which means the present systems are not in fact taking care of life on this earth, as in not developing common sense, and if anything, such present systems are dependent on lack of common sense behaviors as they have been built around them, and even here, the same behaviors of what is essentially an inability to see, in common sense -what is physically here as life and how it functions - supports the outflows of non-seeing and does not look at the cause of lack, the cause of an inability to move self effectively in and as what self is which is life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that what i have been taught within class and culture is how to avoid such scenarios, where people have lesser ability to direct themselves as life, as their attentions are disturbed through a desperate attempt at survival, where the question needs to be asked, what came first the chicken or the egg?
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that playing the savior in a bubble, without realizing the totality of the system as its very structure is what needs to change, is futile and will just create a feel good moment, like a hallmark moment, which is just a feeling and obviously such hallmark moments are sold as cards, and have been going on for a long time, even down to the commercials talking about the “oh so good” efforts of this charity or than charity, where I watch this on a tube and feel good for a moment, not seeing realizing and understanding that this is entertainment, within and as a energetic feeling, and this is all it is, thus it has no real value, as it does nothing to change this world in such a way that such presentations of “ we are so good and doing so much” need not exist.

I commit myself to seeing , realizing and understanding that my thoughts, as consciousness, are of limited value, as they actually justify suffering, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that suffering in any form is not and cannot be life, as suffering is suffering and not self directing self, with ease, in and as life here, thus is it my responsibility in and as life, to investigate this present system that is a creation of men, to understand what I allow to exist in and as thoughts as consciousness of attention on objectification of compound ideals only, without consideration of what is equal and one as what is here , as the physical, which is the substance of life.
I commit myself to see, realize and understand that unless a system exists that allows life to support itself as life, to develop itself as life, what exists is denial of life, and the outflow of this is suffering, which is not life, as suffering is suffering and not life expressing itself as life, here.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that when I have a difficult time seeing what is here in common sense, as believing I cannot understand the monetary system - for example- where i might believe “ it is too difficult and complicated” I must stop, breath and slow myself down to walk in specificity the structure of the system, to see, realize and understand what this structure consists of and what it allows within its movement, and that there is no excuse as to why this cannot be done, which begs the question as to what the thought of this is in fact, and to realize this is an accepted an allowed limitation as a belief taught should I return to what i learned within and as belief from parents, society, and education, by others limited in thought, word and deed as the behaviors of belief accepted and allowed that are really judgements as avoiding looking at what exists as what is created by men on this earth, where the resources can only create a value that sustains life through the use of many many hands of men, and thus no one man has developed what is here, and to place such development into a figure as one man, is to create an illusion that does not in common sense look at the totality of how this physical world works in fact, as well, where it can be clearly seen that a thought of “ So and so, having been a great man who built America” for example, holds no common sense of this physical existence, as one man only has two hands and cannot build what is presently in America, as one man cannot live that long, thus the presentation of a story about one man having built America means that in common sense this is about the control of money that one man had, and since money has become god, the man with the control of the money is the idol created in having taken the values created with life sustaining resources and gathered this in having placed this value into/onto a piece of paper and then gathered as much of this as possible and distributed this to direct the hands of men in his own aggrandizement and self interest without consideration for life, where life is the value, and not the imaginary and illusive value placed on one object, as one man being some kind of creator, as what is here was created by the hands of all men.
I commit myself to realizing how illusory the stories behind presented idols are in fact and that such stories , as what is taught within family, education, society, withhold common sense of this physical world and how this functions, where the starting point of all of this is one and the same, each and every human being, fearing to be self responsible as life in common sense, where the present system is simply a reflection of self abdicating self as life, consciousness, as thoughts, emotions and feelings simply a un-substantive/energetic product of this separation from self direction within each and every one of us, consciousness, a collection of limited beliefs, opinions and ideas, based on false idols, as values limited of the specific real eyesing of how this physical world in fact functions, where stories on “ one man nation builders” is an example of a thought of no common sense within the practical aspects of this actual physical world.

Desteni

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Day 111 Love is the admission of fear

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that fear will create a distance

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that fear creates distances between people

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is distance between people

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am distant from another

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that my own feeling of un worth is a belief that I am distant from others

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that when and as I feel unworthy as though I am doing something wrong all that exists is a distance through and as fear with another

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my own feeling of un-worth is a belief that I cannot reach another because I could not reach my father or my mother, where I did not even try with my mother as she was the one who held the paddle and my father was the one who used the words, who cried with his words

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that when my father would come for apology I would feel absolute disgust and I did not want him to touch me, to hug me, yet after he did this I was glad, I was once again free for a while.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that distance I feel between myself and others is my fear of becoming one and equal with them in and as a fear of rejection from them

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this distance is a distance of fear

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I am in fear I am at a distance from what is real from looking at what is here, from seeing what is here

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that fear takes one on a journey, distancing one from what is actually physically here,

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that those years I was told I needed a man, was a slow progression from myself here, from my common sense into and as starting to look at other men and thinking thatI needed a man, when I would say to myself that I do not.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I need a man

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that the distance is the illusion of the mirage, the mirror age of fear, as the mirror distorts what is real and creates and age, a story a time warp, where time and warp are one and equal, as time warps, the very presentation as the idea of time and warp coupled together actually separates the two in and as our minds where the two are  actually one, as time warps, the subject and the verb joined, as one.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see that the distance from myself creates the sense of unworthiness and thus I am no longer here, my un worth is the diminishment into and as the reflection of an idea and not myself here as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that to believe in love is to be fear, to separate from myself here into and as a mirror image in and as an idea in separation from what is here, from what is physically here as life, as myself as life in common sense of life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this mirage as a time warp is myself in fear, where I have to move the image of what i fear and myself as though I move two worlds, the world of this physical existence and the bubble of my fear as the story of my fear, as the gloom and doom of my fear, where I am not here in common sense of this physical world, thus my fear is my separation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that the program that I exist as is to separate myself from myself as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I become the image and likeness of what is expected of myself here, in and as the characters we are taught to be, to survive, as these characters are meant to become polished images of what is success within a system of division through economic inequality, the very nature of myself as life is suppressed into and as what will allow myself to survive, and this system of survival is limited by design and does not consider the nature of the expression of men, but instead makes of woman - for example- the belief that being anything other than a barbie doll means little chance of success, where, like in a factory, the pressed out dolls do not always fit and are deformed, or don’t make it to affluent neighborhoods and do not have a chance of being sold etc, and thus are cast away, or sold into conditions where they are not taken care of etc. thus there is only opportunity for the few as this world does not organize and practice what is best for all, what supports all life, and uses an image to distort and create a mirage, a mirror image as memory to age and diminish what is real, in separation from life, where the more we become the image and likeness of what SELLS the greater the distance we are from ourselves.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that I cannot speak through the distance

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that I am at a vast distance from others

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is some great distance between me and others, the people around me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this distance is in and as the mind, in separation from life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize this as I have continually had these moments of sudden vertigo where I was looking down from above as a picture in and as my mind, and then the fear came, the falling, for the last days I have had these images of a great distance coming up and then I would fall.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe there is distance between myself and another

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in allowing myself to believe that something is unreachable, I am creating a distance, and that this distance is an illusion as everything is right here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that I cannot get others to hear me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that others, that life is at some great distance form me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I cannot see life here, as this distance is the measure of belief, opinion and idea in separation from common sense here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that love is fear, that love is grasping and holding onto something into an effort to not become separated when it is the allowance and acceptance of role play, of the process of polishing one’s self up to survive that creates the distance from life here, from common sense here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that in physical fact there is not distance between my self and another, but the idea, belief and opinion in which I cloak myself in and as through the judgement of myself in relation to a norm that is the exception to common sense of life as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my desire is my drug to fulfill and maintain my separation, as I become accustomed to the distance as I learn to move within the distance and thus am limited in my ability to conceptualize the whole and the life as me, needs outlet as it is not directed, thus do I need an image and likeness - as a fixation- with a tube of “evacuation” attached to release the non use of myself in totality, where this is seen within how the human has created this system on earth, where there is so much waste, as how what is here is used is not considering the totality of the nature of the resource and thus creates waste as a belief that this waste is not usable as this part of what was used is not seen, as the form of what was used is not comprehended in common sense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize, see and understand that my own constrictions are the di-use of myself here in common sense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize there is no distance and thus there is not need to fear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am far away from life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I am here where, within this, the illusion is the distance, the fear is the distance, and fear is belief in distance, and saying “I love you” is reinforcing the separation from here, thus, to say “ I love you” is to be in fear, in separation from here.

I commit myself to realizing that the act, in and as a belief, that one must tell another they “love” them is a separation from what is here and thus one and the same as saying I am fear.

I commit myself to realizing that to speak the words “ I love you” is the admission of fear, of separation from life here.

I commit myself to realizing that if I am not one and equal to another than I am in separation from life and thus I am existing within and as fear,

I commit myself to realizing that love is not something that needs to be said, or proved, as if one is one and equal to life here, realizing that life is the value, every act, every deed would be the support of what is best for all, and thus would the very being of self , as life, be the very sound of the word love in and as the expression of self in totality.

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