Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Day 390 Paranoise of inferiority, Unknowiing common sense.

I had a dream last night, of myself at a party, in a gathering, and I fear not being able to talk to anyone. Then this morning I looked at the dream and had to remember myself to common sense, to the principle of what is best for all, and that we are all the same, able to move as birds, together, sensing here, not with some “ magical projection ability” but one and equal to the very fabric of here, as the substance of life, as physics is discovering - or realizing - has always been here, where it is only ignorance as the beliefs within consciousness as mind as the human in separation that are in separation from the constant field of expression as the substance of life as the very essence of what we are, no projections needed, nothing created - so to speak- on dis-covering ourselves as life, this which we have not looked at but covered within believing ourselves to be more than, as imagination, as mind, as consciousness.
So, the anxiety within being able to speak to others, is myself having expectations, which means, I have desires, which means I have beliefs and am not stable here within enjoying here. Ironically, that which I desire, is right here, it is only myself as ideas, beliefs and opinions that have covered up and dis-respected life. So I am in a place in time to b-earth myself, dis-cover my at-most-sphere/fear point that I have accepted and allowed, where my character is a personification of having ignored myself as life, taking on a more than belief, as ego, imagining this until it becomes what I express, at loss with a stability with life/here, creating consequences of separation, isolation, lack such as dreams and miscommunications with the world around me, a world of men at this same point - a place to b-earth oneself as life, to remove the veil of separation as the pictures of consciousness of ignorance of the absolute value being life, and instead using relative values and associations to define self, resisting life, pushing away the bad, the separation, the judgement, and presenting the good, the happy face , the positive, the self validation and justification for a lack of self responsibility as life, here.
This dream, this play-out in my mind in fear of social stagnancy and outcast,  is myself being inferior to life, inferior to here, inferior to a capacity of myself to speak, to follow through, to see, to realize , to understand how the physical world functions. This world functions in a practical way, observable, measurable, mathematically structural-ble. There is no invisible hand, there is only a smoke screen of complication to hide the normal practical observable movement within the physical world. There is no need for a god to judge, the outcome of how this physical world is treated is visible, it is only a disallowance of research and physical investigation that withholds - doing so in self interest. If man is not educated, and placed in economic stress, this is done in self interest, to eliminate competition, a crime against life for all life. This will not work, cannot work, does not work, as history shows us, our history is one of war and destruction, all in the name of self interest, man in separation from life. On every level of this hierarchy of separation as inequality, there is abuse, ignorance, destruction, it is just that those on the top that move centralized regimes throughout time into same forms of different names, call their crimes, present their crimes, as being good, while the physical outflows are only perpetuating physical abuse of this earth.  It is time for this to stop.

In all practical common sense, if I imagine a belief that I cannot talk with others then I create an inferiority and follow this instead of using my practical common sense and looking at the movement of life here, being humble and realizing that what is here is the gift of life to cross reference my stability here, myself being equal and one to and as life here. This means looking at my self validations as what I reject that persists, and realizing this as equal and one to me, that I need not fear, that i can follow through, that I can perceive and equalize to me within the principle of what is best for all is best for self, and within this cause no harm, preventing further separation and creating understanding with and as life here.
Thus, this ambiguous idea that I cannot communicate with others is an imagination based on an idea of lack, and thus the anxiety is a state of stagnation, myself in paranoia of my own beliefs, opinions and ideas.
There was a situation with my sister when my children were smaller. It was just after the death of my husband. My son had been swinging on a swing, when my sister’s daughter , who was also small, ran in front of the swing. Now, my son, who was small and my sister’s daughter , who was small, had both been children doing what children so, playing, laughing, running in glee, thus both had not been aware of their surroundings, and to note that even if my son had noticed that his cousin was about to run in front of the swing ( there were bushes all around the swing sets ) he was really too small to suddenly be able to jump down from the arc of the swing onto the ground and stop himself from swinging into my niece. Did I want this to happen, did my son want this to happen, did my niece want this to happen? No.
My sister started yelling that my “ boys” were rough and had hurt her daughter. I was astounded, and as I went to explain the situation, I became very angry and started to yell. While I was yelling I suddenly watched myself become a rage of indignation, so big, so strong that within myself I stopped. I thought, what is this? This rage , this anger cannot be good for me of for the situation, even if I am “ right.” So, I stopped. I realized the stance of my sister was unreasonable, and trying to convince her of this, in that moment, was like taking a horse to water and trying to get it to drink. I thought, that my children would confront such unreasonableness in life, and that reacting to this was not always the best thing for self. Thus, and here my interest went to my children, that they had to realize that sometimes the behaviors of others have nothing to do with oneself, and that such does not define oneself, and that this is not necessarily something to accept, but to realize one can only state what happened in common sense and let it go.

What would inevitably happen, is my mother would come and tell me that i had to put up with such things, that my sister was sensitive and if I reacted then she would no longer come the limited times that she came. Here I was always in conflict, because it was like I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t. Somehow putting up with what was unacceptable, was not the solution, as it only perpetuated the accusation of behavior that had no directive within developing awareness, instead the self validations were allowed to be supported to keep a peace, no resolution. 
Within this, I was taught to walk around emotional insecurities and self validations, instead of using common sense and directing myself within looking at situations where the physical was considered and looked at to learn to prevent mis-understandings. And within this, to simply state the mis-understandings and let it go, to focus here, practically, and then to release the acknowledgement of the observation. Within such scenarios, others sometimes speak up, and place common sense into words that can be very insightful. When this happens it is like a gift of insight, where i have stopped and thought, wow, what a way to see this, it is really directive, meaning not positive or negative, the value is absolute within common sense of here, where self direction is realized instead of emotional spite and blame.
A similar scenario happened later with my sister again, and I just got in my car and left, because I could see that I was getting angry again, and my anger was not a solution, so I left, to stop the reaction, as at the time I had not gotten control of  this. I had stated what had happened, and left. 
Within all this, I realize that I am inferior to myself, as an idea that I can be considered as being a “less than” that even in the face of common sense, I attach an idea of a less than, a fear of a less than, a paranoise of a less than. I can see that within the relationship with my sister there is self validation going on, and I am wanting to control this, and react when I don’t get the result I want, I am not so much as blaming my sister, or her daughter, or my son, but I am reacting to the idea of  being considered inferior despite the reality of the situation. Even though I acknowledge the situation, I remain within fear of judgement. I say to let it go, but I am not really, I am hanging on creating a hurt out of the situation, turning myself into a victim. UNKNOWING of my own common sense. The only choice, is to remain , here, developing stability, practicing this, letting go of the past, and  remaining stable within and as breath, within the principle of what is best for all is best for self,  that life is an absolute purpose of what is best for all, it is only to forgive the paranoise of separation into a belief that something can be lost, as this paranoia is a reaction based on an idea lacking common sense.
We all have common sense in abundance, fault finding in another is not common sense, if we abdicate our common sense, we lose self honesty, self responsibility. And in a system of inequality, where money determines life, would this not be used, would you not use this in another, to ensure your survival? The present system places all liability and all debt on the people, the huge numbers of people, where few have the benefits, and in a way this system, is telling us all, that we as the human, have abdicated our common sense, and it is right here, right in front of us. If you have a table and a chair and a bed, you are in a position to stand and to support - those who are so depressed,and on the brink of starvation - and to change this world into a system that values life before profit, a system that values this earth - our home - that values and is the response of this value being life Support BIG , a Basic Income Guarantee.  It is time to get this world into an order that is life. 

With my sister, what could have been a joy, in self discovery, was turned into a game of competition, as metaphysical ideas of one thing being more than another, when what was real was simply becoming aware of ourselves as life, learning to live, learning to move and enjoy ourselves as physical beings, expressing life. 

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