Day 585 Believing that I Have to Say Something to Prove my Worth. Self Forgiveness

This point of believing that I have to say something.

This came up and it is in my left inner thigh above the knee.

It is like an entity that wants to jump forward, to grab attention, as in allowing myself to remain in the game. Like this is what I am supposed to do to participate in the world and make myself known, and by this I mean even on a small scale, as within a small group or talking with another person.

A memory comes up with a friend who was a pianist, who had played for more years, applied the craft for more years/hours than I had at my craft. So, when I was in her presence I felt that I had to say something. Which means I felt inferior, or was busy judging because I accepted and allowed a stance of inferiority, instead of remaining here, in practical application within common sense. It is know that it takes 10,000 hours to learn to play an instrument, thus learning, becoming aware of something as its shape and form, takes time, takes steps, building understanding, as the actual physical world would be. It is to say, we live in an actual existence, physically manifest. Thus it is to investigate all things and take that which is good, take that which makes sense, as in causing no harm.

This is always, all ways right in front of us. So, to note here, that a physical world that can build cars and transport these cars to all places on this earth, means that we can transport what is needed where it is needed, and we can get the goods and services needed to organize this earth into a functioning unit of life, as this is what it is, because it is a physical order, visible, actual, here.

It makes no sense, that in a country where there is so much land, and so much resource, human and environmental, that there are bathrooms in elementary schools where children do not have the most basic of needs, such as toilet paper. That outside on the fence surrounding the school, there is all the while a large plack, with the name of a corporation boldly advertising their logo, touting a good, but missing the most basic of needs. It is enough to wonder what is being taught in such an environment, with such a capable physical form as that of the human. There is no excuse for any of this, and it is time that it stopped.

That memory, that entity that rose up as  a past self accepted actualized belief in the form of energy with no real sustainability, rising and peaking causing an emotional storm of dis-empowerment lacking all common sense of seeing directly here, this within me as what I had accepted and allowed, an inferior stance because I had not investigated practical reality, and  instead raced to become superior within my bubble of belief in thought, word and deed. This is for me to being back down to reality, to actual physical expression of life, as this is the real life where I exist, as this is the gift to become equal and one to and as life. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become inferior to life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compensate as belief within and as my mind as a thought, as an idea that lacked investigation into practical reality, a physical reality, becoming inferior based on an idea to another, because I compared myself to a step in a process way down the line from me, and instead of looking practically at the steps needed to be walked to get to that point of development, I judged myself as inferior, and then tried to compensate to make myself appear superior, and felt that I had to speak up to become of equal measure, an act of ignoring practical reality here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to another, instead of looking at the measure of expression, meaning the steps needed to become aware of something, the practice of becoming aware of something, practically.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must always say something, to substantiate myself here, in self interest without reference to life, as what the physical is an expression and means of.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to disqualify practical physical reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush within myself, in thought and deed of words to create a value for myself where I project in words a more than for myself an order of comparison, which is being competitive, as a belief that I must appear to be a good as or better than another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that within this I am in effect creating, but this creation is of a lesser state of being, as it is an act of self interest based on an idea of more, and as such, myself inferior to practical physical life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from here, from actual living, which can only be here, within this breath here, in this moment here, as this is where the practical is walked, to build understanding and an actual practice of common sense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being less than another, to have allowed this to become greater than life itself, as the physical, where the gift is to walk into awareness of what it means to be physical expression of life.

When and as I find myself wanting to prove that I am not inferior to what is around me, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, to see realize and understand that self awareness means to be equal in understanding to here, in an actual physical expression as what life is in reality.

When and as I find myself beginning to speak out and up from a starting point of self interest based on a value judgement done from comparison within a limited value system, as belief, I stop, I breath , I slow myself down, until I am stable within and as breath here, and I look at the actual living physical reality to see, realize and understand in thought, word and deed, what is best for all, which is to take that which is good and does no harm, as each is me, in another life, thus the only choice is the choice of what is best for all here.

When and as I find myself moving into competition, wanting to move into a more, an energetic movement within and as me, I stop and I breath, and I slow the rush to a morality of more, built of limited values as good and bad, where the bad is what does not define my accepted limited self definition and the good is what I believe creates a value as a self definition, an overall outcome of separation, limited as a narrow focus as mind in relation to actual living expression as what the physical is, here.

When and as I find myself wanting to appear, as words, to be more than that which I have made myself inferior to, I stop and I breath, and I look here at practical reality, to see, realize and understand the practical, common sense steps of what it means to investigate and practice the building of awareness to master something, to know something enough to share the information of it in such a way that each is self empowered to be and reach their full potential, which is supporting life and realizing all resources, including human, as having the value of life, here, where each part realizes the full potential of life within, creating a world that is the actual of best for all.

Day 530 Being in Charge.

I get charged up with being unable to answer to what is essentially objections. The thought comes up that I “ don’t know where to go” or that I can’t answer it”  and then I have no standing, I allow myself to become inferior and my fear is that of losing ground, which means I move into an agenda of wanting to be superior. But stability of remaining here, on common ground, as what I am, looking at the details of what it means to execute the physical mechanism that is the form of me as life here, my memory is subject to here, thus my memory to function must be a working memory of what is here as the physical in practical application.

If the measure of my working “ memory” as past experience is not of the detail of how the physical mechanism moves, and is charged with a value, it means that I am not equal to that which moves me, here, and I become uncertain, which means I require investigation and realignment to common sense.

Since the physical determines myself here, what I allow that does not regard the physical with every breath, with every objection,  will end up destabilizing myself as life. Thus to sense here I cannot have any charge, because I can only move in constant cross reference to the physical, which means to investigate and bring back to here, in common sense.

So, how to bring myself back to investigate what is essentially being normal, means looking at here, at the simple detail of how here moves, and to realize what brings stability in gifting what beings ease to another. This means slowing down and looking at details in common sense towards something that can remain a constant, that gives purpose, that is consistent in direction so that a structure is built that makes a sense easy to remember.

In so many ways, words that have no charge and that give direction opens awareness to detail here, so that the executive function of myself as a physical form aligns, here. Thus, it is to always bring the words to what makes sense in detail as not only awareness building of the measure of this physical fabric that allows me to exist here, but also, at the same time, in opening this awareness as a focus, to then exhibit a constant that never leaves, because the measure has become equal within to the without. No manner of loss be present, and no manner of discord need destabilize because the points can be brought back to what I am as how I can exist, here. Facing objections means to use executive function of sensing here, using a working memory of words as a collectively given name of how here, as the physical moves/exists - no added values necessary. As such, added values of measure as one thing being more than another, is a crime against life. 

A lie by omission, with a threat of gain or loss, as both are similar because they destabilize, must come to an end. This, as such, in our present system, moves all liability and ignorance onto the many at the base of the hierarchy that is a system moved by judgement instead of discernment. And it uses the gift of life as the wealth of earth and transposes this into money and then, places laws and borders to order that wealth in ways that separate each of us from our true potential, through omission of opportunity and what is needed to support a physical mechanism that allows life. Thus, for those who are able, it is time to stand and change the system within, through equalizing ourselves within, in common sense of physical reality, which means stepping out of our minds and coming back down to earth, realizing all resistance as objections to slowing down and aligning ourselves back into being normal, and as such, equal and one to here.

Day 390 Paranoise of inferiority, Unknowiing common sense.

I had a dream last night, of myself at a party, in a gathering, and I fear not being able to talk to anyone. Then this morning I looked at the dream and had to remember myself to common sense, to the principle of what is best for all, and that we are all the same, able to move as birds, together, sensing here, not with some “ magical projection ability” but one and equal to the very fabric of here, as the substance of life, as physics is discovering - or realizing - has always been here, where it is only ignorance as the beliefs within consciousness as mind as the human in separation that are in separation from the constant field of expression as the substance of life as the very essence of what we are, no projections needed, nothing created - so to speak- on dis-covering ourselves as life, this which we have not looked at but covered within believing ourselves to be more than, as imagination, as mind, as consciousness.

So, the anxiety within being able to speak to others, is myself having expectations, which means, I have desires, which means I have beliefs and am not stable here within enjoying here. Ironically, that which I desire, is right here, it is only myself as ideas, beliefs and opinions that have covered up and dis-respected life. So I am in a place in time to b-earth myself, dis-cover my at-most-sphere/fear point that I have accepted and allowed, where my character is a personification of having ignored myself as life, taking on a more than belief, as ego, imagining this until it becomes what I express, at loss with a stability with life/here, creating consequences of separation, isolation, lack such as dreams and miscommunications with the world around me, a world of men at this same point - a place to b-earth oneself as life, to remove the veil of separation as the pictures of consciousness of ignorance of the absolute value being life, and instead using relative values and associations to define self, resisting life, pushing away the bad, the separation, the judgement, and presenting the good, the happy face , the positive, the self validation and justification for a lack of self responsibility as life, here.

This dream, this play-out in my mind in fear of social stagnancy and outcast,  is myself being inferior to life, inferior to here, inferior to a capacity of myself to speak, to follow through, to see, to realize , to understand how the physical world functions. This world functions in a practical way, observable, measurable, mathematically structural-ble. There is no invisible hand, there is only a smoke screen of complication to hide the normal practical observable movement within the physical world. There is no need for a god to judge, the outcome of how this physical world is treated is visible, it is only a disallowance of research and physical investigation that withholds - doing so in self interest. If man is not educated, and placed in economic stress, this is done in self interest, to eliminate competition, a crime against life for all life. This will not work, cannot work, does not work, as history shows us, our history is one of war and destruction, all in the name of self interest, man in separation from life. On every level of this hierarchy of separation as inequality, there is abuse, ignorance, destruction, it is just that those on the top that move centralized regimes throughout time into same forms of different names, call their crimes, present their crimes, as being good, while the physical outflows are only perpetuating physical abuse of this earth.  It is time for this to stop.

In all practical common sense, if I imagine a belief that I cannot talk with others then I create an inferiority and follow this instead of using my practical common sense and looking at the movement of life here, being humble and realizing that what is here is the gift of life to cross reference my stability here, myself being equal and one to and as life here. This means looking at my self validations as what I reject that persists, and realizing this as equal and one to me, that I need not fear, that i can follow through, that I can perceive and equalize to me within the principle of what is best for all is best for self, and within this cause no harm, preventing further separation and creating understanding with and as life here.

Thus, this ambiguous idea that I cannot communicate with others is an imagination based on an idea of lack, and thus the anxiety is a state of stagnation, myself in paranoia of my own beliefs, opinions and ideas.

There was a situation with my sister when my children were smaller. It was just after the death of my husband. My son had been swinging on a swing, when my sister’s daughter , who was also small, ran in front of the swing. Now, my son, who was small and my sister’s daughter , who was small, had both been children doing what children so, playing, laughing, running in glee, thus both had not been aware of their surroundings, and to note that even if my son had noticed that his cousin was about to run in front of the swing ( there were bushes all around the swing sets ) he was really too small to suddenly be able to jump down from the arc of the swing onto the ground and stop himself from swinging into my niece. Did I want this to happen, did my son want this to happen, did my niece want this to happen? No.

My sister started yelling that my “ boys” were rough and had hurt her daughter. I was astounded, and as I went to explain the situation, I became very angry and started to yell. While I was yelling I suddenly watched myself become a rage of indignation, so big, so strong that within myself I stopped. I thought, what is this? This rage , this anger cannot be good for me of for the situation, even if I am “ right.” So, I stopped. I realized the stance of my sister was unreasonable, and trying to convince her of this, in that moment, was like taking a horse to water and trying to get it to drink. I thought, that my children would confront such unreasonableness in life, and that reacting to this was not always the best thing for self. Thus, and here my interest went to my children, that they had to realize that sometimes the behaviors of others have nothing to do with oneself, and that such does not define oneself, and that this is not necessarily something to accept, but to realize one can only state what happened in common sense and let it go.

What would inevitably happen, is my mother would come and tell me that i had to put up with such things, that my sister was sensitive and if I reacted then she would no longer come the limited times that she came. Here I was always in conflict, because it was like I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t. Somehow putting up with what was unacceptable, was not the solution, as it only perpetuated the accusation of behavior that had no directive within developing awareness, instead the self validations were allowed to be supported to keep a peace, no resolution. 

Within this, I was taught to walk around emotional insecurities and self validations, instead of using common sense and directing myself within looking at situations where the physical was considered and looked at to learn to prevent mis-understandings. And within this, to simply state the mis-understandings and let it go, to focus here, practically, and then to release the acknowledgement of the observation. Within such scenarios, others sometimes speak up, and place common sense into words that can be very insightful. When this happens it is like a gift of insight, where i have stopped and thought, wow, what a way to see this, it is really directive, meaning not positive or negative, the value is absolute within common sense of here, where self direction is realized instead of emotional spite and blame.

A similar scenario happened later with my sister again, and I just got in my car and left, because I could see that I was getting angry again, and my anger was not a solution, so I left, to stop the reaction, as at the time I had not gotten control of  this. I had stated what had happened, and left. 

Within all this, I realize that I am inferior to myself, as an idea that I can be considered as being a “less than” that even in the face of common sense, I attach an idea of a less than, a fear of a less than, a paranoise of a less than. I can see that within the relationship with my sister there is self validation going on, and I am wanting to control this, and react when I don’t get the result I want, I am not so much as blaming my sister, or her daughter, or my son, but I am reacting to the idea of  being considered inferior despite the reality of the situation. Even though I acknowledge the situation, I remain within fear of judgement. I say to let it go, but I am not really, I am hanging on creating a hurt out of the situation, turning myself into a victim. UNKNOWING of my own common sense. The only choice, is to remain , here, developing stability, practicing this, letting go of the past, and  remaining stable within and as breath, within the principle of what is best for all is best for self,  that life is an absolute purpose of what is best for all, it is only to forgive the paranoise of separation into a belief that something can be lost, as this paranoia is a reaction based on an idea lacking common sense.

We all have common sense in abundance, fault finding in another is not common sense, if we abdicate our common sense, we lose self honesty, self responsibility. And in a system of inequality, where money determines life, would this not be used, would you not use this in another, to ensure your survival? The present system places all liability and all debt on the people, the huge numbers of people, where few have the benefits, and in a way this system, is telling us all, that we as the human, have abdicated our common sense, and it is right here, right in front of us. If you have a table and a chair and a bed, you are in a position to stand and to support - those who are so depressed,and on the brink of starvation - and to change this world into a system that values life before profit, a system that values this earth - our home - that values and is the response of this value being life Support BIG , a Basic Income Guarantee.  It is time to get this world into an order that is life. 

With my sister, what could have been a joy, in self discovery, was turned into a game of competition, as metaphysical ideas of one thing being more than another, when what was real was simply becoming aware of ourselves as life, learning to live, learning to move and enjoy ourselves as physical beings, expressing life. 

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• Day 318: Are you BIG Enough for B.I.G. ?

Day 302 Disgust Character Imagination Dimension

Imagination Dimension Disgust character
I notice that when I get into an argument and become angry, I become a sneer, like I am so possessed with disgust. There is some development going on next to me, and I talked with the developer. he did not like my question, and became immediately defensive, I could feel anger coming up in me, so much smaller, yet still there. I begin to project disgust towards this person, distain, and a glee, in thinking that this person revealed themselves to me and now I have license to attack. This is all based on fear of loss, and it is the same behavior I encountered with my parents, which I wrote about in a previous blog. This, “ okay, you are acting in self interest, bullying me, so you are now equal to me, and no better than I in my own self interest, so we are even, even to be the same.” This wry smile, a glare as an expression on the face appears, like Pnadora’s box has been opened. What does this do? Nothing. And we all do this, it just moves so fast and has been done so often that we do not even notice it anymore. It is done indirectly, directly, aggressively and passively. Were it not done, than this world would be a different place. And, since this is a movement within, this suggests that this need not be what we are, as even one moment of being forgiving, means that this is what can be the movement within, it is only ourselves/myself stopping the forgiving of myself as life, within and as the principle of what is best for all. The situation I spoke of above, is about money, and all this other person could see was a threat to their money, to their survival and since these behaviors are accepted, this survival to not lose, to not face a death, be it the final death, a death of social status , a death of monetary support as in loss, within consideration of immediate self needs only, without considering what goes on for all inhabitants of earth, is criminal. How can living in constant worry about survival be an expression of life? How can we even consider that there is any other option but to care for all life, especially in the face that we have major transportation and communication systems across the earth? There is food grown all over this earth, there are robots now that can lift heavy things, I mean, there is absolutely no reason, what is here on this earth is not being taken care of as life, needs met. The only thing stopping us at the moment is an entrenched behavior of complacency. If we/I could just take a deep breath and step outside of our metaphysical minds, in not much time at all could this world be turned around. The first step is to stabilize what is here, with food and shelter and clean water. Then, once this is done, move from there.
In common sense, there are major distribution centers all over the world, I mean we can sure get guns and tanks and naval ships every where! There are even cards measuring every oyster! I mean really! There are satellites circling in space, taking picture of the earth. And it is not that rich man with the money in his pocket that placed that satellite there, the money moved the resource un-equally, but it did not physically move that resource, what has been dictated is a metaphysical idea imposed as a picture in the mind that that money created that satellite, this is, in all common sense NOT what actually, physically happened here, as a movement to place that satellite up there in space. This satellite could just as well been placed there within a system where all life was supported, because the hands of men are here, these hands have been developing what is here to enable that satellite to come into existence, for generations. Metaphysical mind is a new term for superstition, all fancied up and used in higher education for some glorifying nuance that is actually shades of grey of separation in the world of shadowy illusion, the metaphysical tool of the mind made bigger than life.
So, this disgust is my separation into self interest because I believed someone else was doing this, thus it means it’s okay for me. This is, “ Let’s open Pandora’s box together and play metaphysical dress up with separation into and as energy, let’s impose a fantasy on the physical world, a limited one at that, and cut our noses off despite our face”
The problem is that here is no such thing as win and lose, the action and belief of this means separation from here, from communication in common sense of what supports all life, where what is supportive, really supportive of self is supportive of all on earth. Thus there is only a win-win scenario within providing what is necessary for a dignified life for all of existence. And the means for this are here. This is life having a real free will, a will of itself as the substance of self, being free, and this is the nature of life, mind in place as the tool that it is, that which takes a metaphysical picture of life, but is not life, thus does the actual physical world show us the outflows of our perception, allowing us to self realize ourselves in equality and oneness in and as life. What the human has done is gotten lost in the action of the mind as the metaphysical image mechanism. It was only the desire to be a “god” that turned the mind/image maker into a reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that if I encounter self interest , as fear of loss, that I then have the right to join the game, because if you are doing it than it is okay for me to do so also.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand immediately how I have judged another as acting in self interest, to stop and not allow myself to become disgusted which means I have already also become a judgement instead of becoming one and equal to the separation as a separation from common sense, and to within this to breath and take the principle of oneness and equality, of what is best for all is best for self, and to direct myself accordingly.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the moment I imagined escaping punishment as a child, and joining the behaviors of separation as what my parents had learned and existed as, I joined in the game of win and lose, energetic polarities of separation as a total package that is an outcome of loss, yet the immediate outcome appeared to be a win, which was in essence a superficial win, as the eventual outcome would be death.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the disgust was myself that I then projected onto my parents, as I became a justifying state as a feeling in and as glee, as I had only won a momentary reprise from punishment, beginning a slow death into existing as fear, a fear of loss.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this is the past, and not myself here, and thus judging myself , and/or continuing to allow this as an adult, is unacceptable.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to spite myself and the world around me, I enter the game of separation and become disgusted, wanting all around me to suffer the same.
I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to project disgust onto another, to when and as I realize what i am doing, as I remain in and as breath, here, I stop and I do not allow myself to become a habituated behavior learned in childhood in protection and defense in and as becoming a lie.
I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to compare one thing against another, using a value system of limitation from common sense of physical reality, as what was taught within my cultural upbringing, where when I find myself judging one thing as more than I go into a behavior of self disgust/inferiority and or judge something as less than where i project disgust onto that which I judge as less than and allow myself to feel superior through glee , all of this a protection defense mechanism to remain within what is believed to maintain survival within a system of inequality.
I commit myself to realizing within and as every breath, what I accept and allow in every moment here, to realize that any emotion in and as disgust is myself not wanting to stand one and equal to what is here, rejecting equality and oneness, communication with life, as I am allowing a belief, based in an image from a past as mind to be what is real.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that judgement is an imposition in and as comparison of a more than and a less than categorized value of reality according to what was learned to enable my own status maintenance to survive where I would react in a projected disgust towards what was taught as less than, and also, a self disgust for separating from equality and oneness in and as myself as life.

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Day 20 Compassion as my justification to abdicate self responsibility

I wake up and I feel this heaviness, I had spent time with my father the day before yesterday, and I had not confronted him on saying he way angry and then denying he was angry. I  stopped and did not pursue this, as I did not want to create anger in him, to create friction in a hospital.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not see how I am my father the photographic memory bank in and as my mind where I take a picture and eat this picture read this picture and within this picture allow my self to believe that I am not equal to this picture and thus to allow this picture to consume me as what i am here, to become so involved in the picture and the story of separation that I remove my self from my self here and wallow in the story enjoying the puzzle of the story and naming the parts of the story as what the education system today has us learn, the parts of the story and not solution within the outcome of the story. No wonder so many children cannot fathom reading the stories presented in schools, as they have no interest in wallowing in the stories presented and naming the parts, which in essence is tedious, laborious and of no solution, as it is only a presentation of limited values, values within a vacuum of a polarity came of  opposites, a pendulum swing from less intense to more intense e-motion, from separation into acceptance of loss/separation/powerlessness into wanting to make this separation acceptable and thus a positive experience, to prove that this separation is real  and justified, thus is a positive experience a justification of separation and nothing else, and thus we exist in a system of judgement excusing our separations, our conscious minds as thoughts, the opposite of what is real, the reflection of the totality of our separations as the justification of our separations from this physical world as life.

If I believe that I am less than another, and I accept this inferiority and become neutral within this, then I seek a way to make this a positive experience so I place this limiting of my self as my self as my persona into this world and I see this in others and thus do I have compassion for this in others, and thus do I turn this into compassion as I listen and accept the fear in others, the separation from life in others, where I twist and contort separation into a “good” action being of my self into “understanding” within a singular relationship of sympathy in basking in inferiority and powerlessness through a “positive” compassionate persona, where all I am doing is taking my own separation in and as a belief of inferiority and understanding this in others, where this whole starting point is a wallowing in emotion and not the movement of my self as life in solution here, where the answer is always right here in front of me in every moment, the direction of my self as life in oneness and equality as what is best for self is best for all. Thus must I stop limiting my self to Only seeing the relationship of separation and realize my self here as being one and equal to all that is here. This is placating fear and placating separation, and ignoring this physical world.

This causes the continuance of suffering, to suffer emotion instead of life, the stuff of error, the stuffing of e(nergy) roar into and as the expression of life in separation into and as energy away from the directing of self as life as sound as being the sound as what life is in equality as one as all as equal here with this physical world as this physical world is what is real and the mind is a mirror of accepted and allowed reflections as separations from self as life as this physical world.. Where at death the weight of an assembled photo album of justifications consumes the human physical body leading to a fantastic death of this fantastic fantasy self, this rotted experience creation of no consideration of this physical world and self as an expression of life, able to be life, as self is life.

All there is is here, breath, earth, this heart of my self here, wanting to be one and equal to life, not realizing that in order for me to be here, I must be life or I would not be here, where the mind is my self believing I am not capable of being life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that I do not deserve life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to abdicate the power of my self as life into and as a belief that I do not deserve life,

I forgive my self for not seeing and realizing that what has been taught to me is to label the parts of the story of separation and to sympathize with this separation into and as becoming compassion to turn my separation into a positive experience.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting myself to take my separation and to pity my self and then to share this pity with others as compassion, getting a feel good/god “ness” to justify my own separation, like a sexual release of the energy I have accepted that is judgement that is separation that is what is believed to be what is real within this system that propagates mankind  into and as generators of energy to feed off of the separation by offering for sale the means of energy release in and as sex, in and as pride in having amassed objects to signify having correctly labeled and read the story of separation that is what exists and is promoted on this earth.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that I am doing , here that of which I speak and turning this into an object, which is to stand back and realize what I have accepted and allowed and thus, to forgive this movement of my self, to turn the tide of my self as energy back to my self to clean up this mess and direct my self in and as the principle of oneness in equality as what is best for all is best for self.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that I am separate from life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to feed the system of economy as what exists on this earth  that supports the separation of myself from self as life to generate profits so that a few can live a life of separation in physical comfort, they themselves not being life, whereas other life a life in physical discomfort, one a quickening physical discomfort and the other a slow accumulation into and as discomfort, manifest as cancer and other diseases.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to realize that all I can to, in the instance of my father, is to suggest he do research and find a way to not accept the drugs he fears accepting because he senses something is not right but fears walking away from the system.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to want to take on the mess of the other and clean this up, and “straighten” this out in one go, not realizing that I cannot do this for another, as each and every person on this earth must stand up and self realize their separations into and as mind, as someone else doing this for them, as mind, is not life realizing itself as life, yet within this, it is the responsibility of those who are financially able to realize that this present system cultivates separation into and as personalities of energetic ideas, opinions and beliefs, as pictures in and as the mind, and abuses the resource of this earth to support this, where many have not the means to self realize because every moment is spent in survival for the basic needs of life, where in changing this system into a system that supports life, this that we have accepted and allowed will become visible, for the poor, for the rich, as this is what is best for all, is that which is best for self.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to become frustrated which is self frustration, which is self rushing, which is self becoming a whine and complaint, which is self allowing this system of separation to bully self, all unproductive reactions existing as an end game and not walking through, with self one and equal to breath as self, this centering movement as gift as self as breath, and to make this separation small and to take the power of my self as life, as this is what i am and nothing can suggest to me that I am unworthy as life as I am life, and within this be life, as life is the solution, right here as self as earth, as my feet on this ground one and equal in commons sense with this physical world.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to become confused with the mind, not seeing instantly, where I have separated from my elf as life as breath and allowed the storm of energy to be all that is here as self, where I see the storm ONLY , here I must breath and take in this storm that cannot touch me, as affect me, as be me, unless I accept and allow this, where I read this storm and correct this with the power of my self as breath as life, that which I am, or I would not here here, as I am this, I am life I am breath, I am here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that this self as me that wants to cry and to weep for what I have accepted and allowed, in shame, in  this joy that I realize that I am here that I am life, that I have both not lived and that I am life here, that I am able to live, that this is my self realizing my ability to be here, to exist in oneness and equality with and as this earth, that this is joy, yet as the mind does, this is not the end game, now must this mess of separation be stopped as I am not this as this does not exist until all that is of this physical world must be supported as life, must itself become itself as life, as every part of this earth is an organism of the expression of life on this earth, and this earth cannot be life until this organism is complete in expression of itself as life here.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing the falling of rotten fruit off of the pyramid of inequality to be what is the experience of life on earth, where in fact what is here is a world of rotting disintegrating physical world.

I commit my self to  facing the storm of separation, the negative, the neutral, the positive, the separations, the acceptances and the justifications that are what is the expression of energy to feed a system that profits from this division to maintain the con for a quest of money and a life of slow physically comfortable disintegration into and as death of an existence as mind as an imaged nation.

I commit my self to always bring what is in my mind back to self to clean up the storm of my own accepted and allowed separations.

I commit my self  to not fearing my own separations and realizing them and forgiving them, bringing them back to self and correcting them into solutions that are what is best for all in realizing them as one and equal to me as an expression as me one and equal to life here where I am affection with all that is here, close with all that is here, one and equal to all that is here as an organism of life until the breath of life moves through this physical world with ease, as all as one as equal here.

I commit my self to realizing my self as breath as life, one and equal to this physical world  to be the solution that is right here in front of me as me, as this is the correction from separation into and as oneness in equality as life here.

I commit my self to realizing the separations are the blue print of self correction that thus the solution is here and cannot be taken away or lost only ignored.

I commit my self  to watching out for a tendency to become righteous which is frustration and a red flag as ego, where confusion will cloud correction and thus solution.

I commit my self to facing this storm of separation as anything else is sticking my head in the sand and this is just that “the sticking of my head in the sand” in and as ignorance, and in common sense this is a place where that head will simply rot and have a very hard time breathing.

I am here

I am life

I am breath

I am earth

I am as heart an instrument of life here.

What is Money in the World

Who is the MInd

Stopping the Mind