Day 396 The Paranoia of Unknowing, The Equivalence of Dis-Ease

The Paranoia of Unknowing

Because we are not taught about the physical world and how it functions in practical phyact, we are unknowing of the world, we unknow the ability of our innate common sense as the very essence of the life force that we are, as this is what is common in all because it is what we are, the very composition of and as.

We unknow, we are ignorant of the very form and structure, and thus movement and function of the present system.

We unknow,, we are ignorant, of how our human physical bodies function, we unknow, we are ignorant of how we have a mind that we call consciousness holds, takes pictures of what we physically are.

If the mind, as consciousness takes pictures of what is here, and then we are not taught how here functions, are we actually here? Are we holding the place of here? If we follow the picture show of consciousness developed in separation from here through parents, education, society and media and thus have no real understanding of here, what are we? Are we ignorant of here, are we unknowing of here?

Within this, we can know here to some degree, and this varies from person to person, but n the end, there are ones who remain in extreme unknowing and those who have a very small level of knowing and they use this to their advantage, but it is still an unknowing, and the manipulation of, based on the fear of not knowing, the fear as the instability that unknowing creates. This is one reason why education is very important, We cannot be responsible if we are separate from knowing , understanding here, ourselves as how we function and how here functions, and how the present system built from unknowing came to be and how it functions as creating so much unknowingness of here. I mean, just look around at what is happening on earth, there is a lot , too much, and unacceptable, unknowingness/ignorance going on.

the cloud of unknowing,  life malfunction system  inflated as reality

And to avoid becoming a knowing, an owning of here within being able to be self responsible, self directive, self honest, we have accepted and allowed a positive to hide the unknowing/ignoring of the negative caused because of the very thing we are moving as, as not looking, that is a positive to hide a negative, to avoid the negative, the destructive as what allowing the negative is, as the negative is a judgement that something is less than something else that is here as a part of this earth, an earth that is interconnected, were it not than starvation would not exist, nor would interest lending, because interest lending is a vacuum that allows the values built by many here, into what supports life, aids life, as this principle as the value allotted to money that is them lent out, with the self interest of the few who have a tiny bit of less unknowing, in such a way that that principle is never lost, never really leaves and allows more principle to accrue, and the interest payment is how the principle flows right back, and thus is continuously owned by the few. The debt, the unknowing, the ignorance,  remains/ accrues with the many. And the many struggle in their ignorance, because unknowing, lack of understanding, would make it very difficult to move with ease here on earth. And we cannot blame the ones who are a little bit less unknowing/ignoring than the rest of us, because we are participating within the unknowing, the ignorance, as this is a state of not looking here, with our innate common sense as life. Look, we can all agree that our politicians are not of sound mind, and that a military industrial complex is not a structure of sound mind. This is the sound of destruction and self interest, it is the sound of greed and bullying, it is the sound of killing children, it is the sound of recklessly raping the earth, of raping children, obsolescence for constant principle flow in self interest, rendering the other side of the equation, away from balance, an unknown, treating it as obsolete, meaningless as the survival of the extreme hidden in the presentation of the mean as data on paper. It is a crime against life, and remaining an unknowing of this is the same. This picture show of unknowing, this weaving of unknowing, this propagated ignorance is the elephant in the room. The room, the space of this world and the space in our heads, as consciousness, as a memory, as a picture inflated into representing life. And this is just it, this is a representation of life. It is not what is physically real, it is not our common sense as life as being equal and one to and as the physical. We are making , allowing the one thing that is real, obsolete through unknowing of it, through ignorance.

If we allow ourselves to become blame and spite, the depression as what this is, as this is a be having of anger and fear, accumulating, an action inwardly. We become the accumulation of our blame and spite, our frustration, and thus we become despondent, anxious, depressed, heavy, separate, we forget our common sense, our ease as ourselves as life, here. So, by the very nature of blame we depress ourselves, we abdicate our very common sense into a restriction ( thoughts or more than and less than) away from self direction, from self responsibility, from self honesty, from knowing the physical as in looking at how the physical actually functions and how the separation from the physical as a systemic form of inequality actually functions. This is why equality with the physical is the gift of life, because it practically shows us what works in ease and what does not. The mind as pictures can warp and bend into any fantasy fairy tale imaginable, full of all manner of super-heros where only the collective can really create heaven on earth,  which is why such a state is taught, and accepted. Accepted because our separation does not have to be addressed, and taught because it allows a few that are a tiny tiny bit less unknowing to maintain their fairy tale for real.

One might say, and I have heard this said, “ but I like my memories!” not realizing that it is not to like or not like your memories, it is to not make them bigger than life, or to warp them, as they are just a picture, it is to not inflate them as a more because this becomes a “ more” that is chased that is not a real more, hence the chasing, a metaphysical carrot, a paranormal event, superstition. Thus, this is a state of unknowing, a paranoise of unknowing, a paranoia of being self as life, self as life being a using of an innate common sense of self as what self is as life. Here, in the physical, the “fairy tale” can become real, with every inch of one’s beingness, a fairy tale of so much more substance  and solid state of sound than seemingly lived at present by only a few. As though in the big scheme of things, the amount living a somewhat comfortable life, which is about 1 %, is one and equal to the parts of ourselves, individually ,actually living in and with our common sense. In fact, disease is greater than life on earth. Change?  First, this world must be ordered to support what is real, respect what is real, what is interconnected as the parts of this physical world, that are the gift of life, to understand life, to become equal and one to and as life, to stop the heavy disease of spite and blame, depression and economical anxiety, survival, disease, all the consequence of inequality to and as life.

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Day 166 Isolation in mastering of fantasy

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into so many stories, as the layers built as belief, opinion and idea that support what I am, what I prefer as what I believe is more than something else, which is set of values I use to compare myself to others, to ensure my own placement within a hierarchy in self interested survival only, never considering the value being life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become ideas and beliefs as what is more than and less than, and within this to go into a fantasy within an idea of what I am, in my case, often being the cultured female interacting with a man, where not only do I look the part, I also, as I am part of a society that values education and has opportunity to have had a “supposed education,” dress myself up in ideas and opinions and facts about history and culture, thus do I have a dress code, I also have a “intellect code” that takes me into certain levels of society to allow me, as the images I have been taught , to remain within the borders of a certain level within the present system of inequality.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I am the female romantic, pining away for her Heathcliff, thinking my romanticism is okay because it is voiced in cultured and historical terms.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in a way I am looking for my Heathcliff, because just as Jane Eyre ( and I know they are different novels) wanted her man, but would not accept him within his lie, so am I as I will not accept a man who does not accept my children or for that matter, not even listen to my story where all I become is listening to his story, which is fine, listening to his story, but I begin to think, believing myself to be confused, that gee, my story in this scenario has never been heard, and then I feel guilty as though perhaps my story is not worthy of being told.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I often do not, or have not, told my story because I am too embarrassed to tell it, and I fear being told I am crazy, thus I fear it not being accepted and thus, that I will be rejected, so I am the cause of my own “supposed” story not being told.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I remain the demure female, in keeping my story secret, when it is really based in fear of rejection.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this is myself fearing exposure for fear of rejection, and within this I overwhelm myself and then when I do get a chance to tell my story, I have had no practice and find it difficult to speak.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to thus, become anxious when I have to speak, because I struggle to cater to what will be acceptable to the listener and then translate the story into ideas through judgement of what might be acceptable to the listener and end up trying to fit a square peg into a round hole- so to speak.
And within this, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place a protection/defense border around my own story that masks the expression of myself, and also does not allow the listener to see who I am, and thus the consequence is that I am not seen, and the story is not heard as it is not told truthfully, it has become limited and of no substance.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become caution to the extent that I build a wall around me and isolate myself from living.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this has become such a habit that I lose myself to anxiety and become breathless when speaking, I am the habit of a practiced suppression when and as I speak, often, with others, as I am so busy revealing only parts of what I want to say.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand , with real eyes, that this is much like what happened in childhood, where, as I faced my parents, I would monitor their reactions to myself speaking and gage reactions to see if I was going in the “right” direction within speaking or talking within a subject, thus did I learn to imitate their beliefs, opinions and ideas, as I recognize this in others really easily and it has been a judgement i have made of others. I see this because this is me. WTF.
Within this, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, that I then would connect myself with people that matched the same structures I had learned to watch for and imitate, that were my parents, in others, as i could follow the “flow” so to speak.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to have understood that this is why it is difficult to be with people who, are essentially doing the same thing, are of different patterns, as this meant having to listen and “translate” my own “language” into theirs, where I did not take their words as what they were, thus was I not only trying to fit them into my way of using words and assumptions, I was also not listening to them because I was trying to fit them into me, which they were probably doing as well, thus unless both realize this and made an effort there was rejection and/or confusion, and also, even if an effort was made, it was the effort having to be made that caused a lack of ease, and this would take two, equally to work through, which our present system does not give the time necessary for such concerted effort unless it is done on one’s own time, but also this can be done if it is understood, and I have found this does not happen too often, so the learned imitated behaviors of suppression -as fitting into what our parents accepted as what they were taught, will take some understanding to real eyes, and then realign to and as insight into what is the cause of such limitation and then a re-alignment towards what is best for all.

I commit myself to realizing when and as I talk with others, that the difficulty in breathing while talking with others that I have, is myself trying to mince my words into an acceptable story/presentation where I am in fact using my past, as my judgment as my fear of rejection and loss, becoming outcast and labeled as insane, as what I experienced as a child, which is like a “song” of constriction and suppression and false “guide” within myself as fear when and as I interact and speak with others, even to the point where i do not speak at all, to stand up and not use this past as this mud-like funnel within me, that tightens my breath ( which I allow) to direct myself within my world, as this is dishONEsty with and as life, here.
I commit myself to realizing, with real eyes, that this fear, is the negative within and as myself as energy, and the presentation as the limited - fit into the box of acceptance/happy face story that comes out like a fairy tale, and thus has no real substance, and others, like me, are probably bored with hearing the same fairy tale again and again. lol
I commit myself to seeing , realizing and understanding that IF someone tells me their happy face watered down/acceptable fairy tale story, THEN instead of telling them my happy face, watered down/acceptable fairy tale story I respond with in the context of what is best for all, and within this, even though one can take a horse to water but not get them to drink, eventually they will get so thirsty, there will be no choice but to drink of the water of life, as this is the substance of what we all are, equal and one as this is the value and what sustains us, giving as is the nature of life, here, this water that is what is best for all.

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• Day 164 In worry I begin to rush and lose my breath

Day 112 The tale on my ASS

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as memories spinning around in and as myself as my mind, burning away my human physical body to exist.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the dramas I am accepting and allowing in and as my mind are wants , needs and desires based on romantic stories read during my childhood, and the actions of my parents and how much they talked about how they loved one another, where every year they would give one another huge Valentine’s day cards professing their love, and yet often fight.

I forgive myself  for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the whole world of my parents was like a roller coaster, where it became obvious that another spin was about to take place.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize, see and understand, that just as today, when I was in my car and someone pulled out in front of me, I “spiked in anger” and then drove on, and in that moment I just thought, “let it go” and went on without anger and I realized that not holding onto to this was really very easy, that allowing and accepting myself to judge the situation, or create some dramatic litany about the other driver was myself wasting myself in time and would solve nothing, thus I just let it go, which is the only solution.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not apply this same action within all fear reactions followed by anger and humiliation, the consequence of myself not allowing and accepting myself to simply be here, facing what is here without judgement and moving within realizing in every moment what is best for all is best for self, and that life cannot be lived until all of this earth is cared for, where life exists and not all the roller coasters of drama as the e - mote around our minds as the castles in the sky.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that believing in the roller coaster of polarity play, of a competition that has no winners or losers as the idea of wanting to win means losing exists, is the action of believing that the drama is greater than life and that there is nothing else but this drama, this emotional/feeling drama as me-more-Ies, where in fact this is playing god and not realizing equality and oneness with what actually is here on this earth as creation, as what is real, as this physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that the me-more-Ies are myself as mind, as image, as idea, opinion and belief, is my ego, my self interest/self inner rest as mind, as fairy tale, as survival, as role, as character, as persona, in separation from life, where I justify and stubbornly turn myself into refuse as waste as myself as life ignored-Igor,where i allow a tale to be pinned onto my ASS- what is here, what is physically here as life, one and equal to me, as I wished, desired, wanted to be more, believed myself to be more which was myself actually hiding from life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow a system, as profit, where resources are believed to be own-able by a few, not realizing that this is of my own acceptance and allowance unless I stand and vote for an Equal Money System, where best practice steps forth as what the technology of this physical world is, able to sustain all life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting a system of profit that divides all that exists to enslave and conquer in separation from the natural expression of life, this division the very nature of destruction, as this division shatters life and becomes uncontrollable as is the nature of separation which is presently manifesting on earth, unless we stop and become the principle of what is best for all. to give as you would like to receive.

I commit myself to walking the character outflows of myself in separation of life, manifest in my obsessions and possessions in and as energetic discord from life, from effective communication with what is here.

I commit myself to breathing, in every moment, to stop the tales of a system of inequality from being pinned on my ASS.

I commit myself to standing one and equal in and as breath, to be here, one and equal to this physical world, to repeat and repeat the words of equality and oneness, the principle of giving as one would like to receive until it is done.

I commit myself to realizing that I do not need the baggage of my me-more-eyes to exist here.

I commit myself to realizing that I, as life, determine the tale on my ASS.

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Day 93 The needing support character

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I an the character of needing support from another human being.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have wished, when I got a flat tire today, that someone would stop and help me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that because I am a woman, I as a character, as a woman, needs support , as only the character of a man can change a tire.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have been aware of this and continued to have taken the steps to fix my tire, without self pity, when a man stopped and took over and did the manly character strength part of changing my tire.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to have seen, realized and understood that the jack was easy to work and the bolts easy to take off with body weight and thus, I was doing well all on my own, and actually did not need any help.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have had the thought while I was taking the tire out of the car, that I was a woman and thus it was un lady-like for me to be taking a tire out of my car.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to be the character of a woman, where – with the tools that I had – anyone would be able without much strength to change the tire.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have felt happy that a man stopped to help me change my tire.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have been amused at how classical the scene was in and as a collection of characters, where the man was broad and muscular, drove a brand new blue ford mustang with the horse on the front, like a modern night in shining blue armor coming to the rescue of a damsel in distress.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have been the character of the damsel in distress.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have had the thought that I be rescued.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have taken pity on this man, this blue knight sweating in the very hot son.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have also had the thought, why would anyone stop and help a woman who was not a young girl, which was myself accepting and allowing myself to be the belief of myself as the character of the old maid.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that all these thoughts as beliefs in and as my mind, are myself in separation from what was physically real, my self with my car, with tools that functioned without much effort, and thus the additional story lines in and as my mind adding and wanting characters present to allow myself to exist as a character had nothing to do with what was physically there within the moment, thus it was like a system design of the addition of characters within and on what was physically real where these characters were what has been taught within this world, as a memorized added story board of want, belief in need, and feeling of desire based on accepted and allowed roles and personifications.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to have realized in the moment instead of character wishes , that all of existence should have the means and tools necessary to be able to solve such things as a flat tire.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize how much the broadcast of my mind is within the belief in what characters are taught as children through story, education, culture, media, the consumerist agenda, etc. again and again, over and over again until the mind becomes the dictate of living the stories and the characters in and as ourselves, where these characters are considered before life and what is physically practical and real, in support of this physical world.

I commit myself to stopping the mind broadcast of characters and remaining in and as breath, being here with what is physically real, and not allowing the wishing in and as the mind in accord with the characters taught as what I am.

I commit myself to realizing that I am not a character out of a fairy tale, that I am here, physically able to direct myself in common sense.

I commit myself to stopping the living of myself as a character.

I commit myself to remaining in and as breath, being thankful for what is here, yet not acting the part of the character.

I commit myself to realizing that what stopped to offer help was another human being, and that this interaction of help as support should be what is the action of this world, for all people on this planet, and not in a few places only.

I commit myself to supporting a system where any one on any part of this planet have the means to support self, and/or support another, where no matter in what shoes I am as life, I can help myself or help another.

I commit myself to realizing that an Equal Money System is the means to ensure all life on this planet is able to either fix a flat tire.