I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not fucking get on top of this fear, to face this and realize that it is that which clogs myself within common sense, and yes, the present system does not support life, and care must be walked without excessive waste, but the fear and gloom is not that which will solve any thing within my environment.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see whatever the outcome is within money spending and to not allow this to affect me, as this is not who I am as life, this is a system accepted and allowed by all humans, that is the cause of diminishment as life, where the only solution is to change this system to a system that supports life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow down and to breath, to see, realize and understand in common sense what is going on as what is accepted and allowed on earth, as there are soldiers who are standing up as they realize they are the poor being sent to other continents to kill the poor, so that a few can own resources, thus do those that have more, see everything here on earth as a resource at their disposal, which is an ignorance of life, an ignorance that the value is life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to speak up when I hear the words, “I do the best I can,” or “I make the best of it, and avoid drama,” as these words reveal ignorance, as the supposed “best” is accepting and allowing a self interested best within a system of inequality, making it clear that the present system is not acceptable, thus this awareness through relatives of what best is, within statements spoken - that perpetuate less than standards- is an admission that what exists as the present system is abusive and unacceptable, thus being positive, believing one is being positive, is actually crying about the state of this world, because if this world were an expression of life , as life as the value, then there would be no need to be positive and make relative statements, as all would be absolute, thus the only solutions are those that absolutely support life, and they are here, as this is life.
I forgive myself for fearing something costing more than I can afford within my present situation, and allowing myself to feel something is impossible.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand, that I see, within and as breath, as I have been breathing when I play the violin more, and this has somehow opened playing up where it is actually easier to see all of myself as in sensing my arms - for example, and this has taken time and an effort to actually breath, and if I take this to every moment, as here, I see, realize and understand that even within and as speaking in what might be assumed as an ordinary manner, that when and as I speak, I am not speaking in a way that really wants to be heard! How fucking incredible is that?, anyway, I see, realize and understand that even within speaking I am not here LOOKING at what I am actually being here, it is more like I am hiding in and as myself, and there is this HUGE thing of fear in actually being self responsible, which means the human is not being, using, allowing , accepting self as life here, that the human is accepting self diminishment and not allowing self responsibility as life here, which means I have a lot of breathing to relearn, to become, to be and use and sense what is here with and as. This whole “holding of self” in limitation is taking a lot of suppressive work on each and everyone’s part.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that basically I am allowing myself to asphyxiate within and as myself here as life, to cater to presentations that maintain and hold a system that suppresses life, I am the cause of all disease as suppression through and as the withholding of myself as life as breath here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I am in fact not breathing.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I am in fact not breathing because of fear of death, fear of loss, and this fear is held in place through a system of inequality, known as a profit based system that functions in limited self interest, as all those benefitting from this system are in fact not benefitting as they end up as the same death as everyone, never transcending death in awareness, and thus are not one and equal, in and as breath, with and as life, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I as life must breath, in every moment, realizing that fear is the very thing I have accepted as more than breath, and thus I become fear instead of common sense with and as this physical world in and as and through breath, I am not in fact being here as myself, directing myself, sensing myself as life ability.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the world tells me this, as I have walked into pharmacies and what is on the front shelf behind the counter but inhalers for asthmatic conditions, easily accessible, thus what we sell is to alleviate what is the problem, which is that we, the human, are not one and equal in and as what is life, communication with and as life, here , the breath as self.
I forgive myself for not using breath in every moment to stand and become one and equal to and as breath to allow myself to utilize common sense and hear what is here.
Thus, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow myself to fear, as fear will do nothing but suppress myself as life to face what is actually here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that I must rush, and push myself, to get ahead, where it is as though I was taught I needed to “get ahead” and within this “getting ahead” it was actually not really clear as to what getting ahead meant, as there was no real substantive direction in getting ahead, and no support within common sense towards getting ahead, as this system of inequality demands support within what serves a fear, and thus does not offer common sense in getting ahead, where this would mean actually becoming life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I accepted this idea of getting ahead as a directive and abdicated my own self responsibility towards life.
I have this memory of being a teenager transitioning from high school to college, and this idea of needing to get ahead, as what was needed as me at that time, and within this an emerging anxiousness. Thus I will walk this through the thought, imagination, back chat and reactions, as this sense of needing to get things done, now, and a desire to rush through this, as though getting something done is significant, yet this separates me from here, as I become possessed by this fuzzy idea of getting something done and not actually directing myself here.
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