Automation is visible Day 806

I noticed this morning a subtle bitterness surrounding me. Yesterday, I had entered a home after knocking on the door, which caused a dog in the home to become excited and bark. I was told not to knock because it excited the dog and to instead, enter without knocking. I noticed a slight irritation in the tone of voice used to convey this way of entry. I realized that in the heat of the moment, a peace interrupted, I might have reacted in the same manner. I let this go, because it lead to a place that was not productive. Later I went and reviewed the moment, to realize the switch. 

Then, I noticed this bitterness that I have noticed before, become present in my own cycles of behavior that I am in the process of noticing. They are no longer as large, yet whispers of them exist.  I ask to what was I not paying attention in that moment of sorting out my own habituated behaviors of protection and defense of myself, based on ideas of what defines who and what I am.  In some ways, I could say I am more aware of a general field of movement around me, than only that of the emotional fears within and as me. It is, a change of focus, from a currency of inflamed values projecting a story of protection over a story of greater presence and consideration of all that is me here. It is coming back into the very fabric of this reality. 

I looked at the sense of dread in the last couple of weeks, and upon moving to engage with others,  this sense of “ what if” comes up. It is a question as to whether or not I can in deed, do that which I move to share with greater clarity, which is bringing more focus into the practical reality as that very fabric that composes who and what I am as a physical expression of life.

I reviewed accelerated learning techniques. One area has to do with right and left brain use. The maths, that are more detailed oriented, are left brain oriented. Music, dance, art and the investigation of global issues are more right brain oriented and have an outcome of increasing overall information processing speeds. The contrast of these physically demanding skill sets, and being aware of global movements, is telling in itself. Being aware of global movements would by definition demand a greater presence of the physical use of resources in this reality, thereby enhancing awareness of the physical use of self, just as music and dance and art does. My one son is studying art. I talked with him the other day about automation. As one masters a skill set in regards to art, as in music, one gets to a point where one notices that what one has built becomes automated and can run away with one, if one does not catch it. One must go back to the basics to ensure one does not become automated in one’s actions. This can appear to be tedious, because one has to slow down and relook at the small. That means slowing down the automated movement that can feel like a running train inside one. My son already has started to notice this, well, if he can, and I have, it is more natural than I make out here! Yet, these skill sets demand that presence because they involve physical movement and not only imaginative movement within a set framework of information. One is seeing movement in physical time and space, the medium demands it. To do, one must reference physical movement. I see global resource use and movement as something that demands paying attention to the physical reality, and thus, this is why such awareness is placed in right brain function. This is turn would build a greater ability to process information faster. One has a physical reference of a living fabric. In contrast, only referencing a set body of information memorized within, would by design move more slowly. 

When I entered this home and had a slight reaction to a response towards my actions, that caused a momentary upset of behavior in the home, my focus on my own fear of definition, was a set box of beliefs that had nothing to do with the moment- even if the emotional response to my actions could have been cared for in a more gentle manner. It does not matter. I was distracted for a moment, on a belief, and though I could see around my own limitations in a moment, my own subtle reactions were still a distraction. They were also an automation, a running away of my own ideas about me, than any real movement in being present in the living fabric of reality;  that reality that must be used in such skill sets that involve more right brain activity, such as music, art, dance and global issues. I wold say, imagine all your words being learned in reference to that fabric, instead of only a set body of information,  or in protection and defense of inner beliefs that are a mis-use of a natural ability to be present and sense the very geometry of what is here as this physical reality? 

I would think that such reference would create a more stable human being, as that same part of self that can with skill set development, be able to recognize automation, which is noticing a subtle and slight separation from what one generates within and the movement of reality around one. What is also interesting is that once one can notice this, automation setting in, one can more readily recognize it in the movement of others. It is to say, “ too late” it is too visible, meaning once noticed there is no going back. Yet even here one must be careful. The same could be said of belief systems. Which is why if one should notice this, it would cause conflict should one point this out, because in effect one is pushing on an entity - as a time line of a series of values that has rolled itself up into  a ball and run away with itself - that entity is going to have a reaction as having to self realize and slow down and rebuild. That action in itself, is a change of pace that some may see as only a sudden change in itself.  That change is not necessarily a bad, but can appear to be disruptive if one is only focused on the momentary change. Overall, developing a presence, the kind that is of the right brain being involved, would enable one to not only see the parts ( those automated events) but also the context within which such automations are moving. Yet again, this is what the physical engagement of music, art and dance, and looking at the movement on the greater stage as global movement, would by design build within the self.  It gets pretty simple. It would be the same if one generated more words, or, had a mastery of words to the degree that one could read the overall generation and the self, as a relationship between the two, because one would begin to self realize what one generated as one would no longer have to think about the words as much. This is to place using language like paint, or notes, or a movement in and of itself, and to have the contrast of how resources are moving on a global scale, and how language is both a means to seeing patterns and being placeholders of information thereby improving memory skills and what distracts one from seeing the real fabric of earth, as the physical. Chaos is really being caught in a storm in a teacup. Yet that chaos made huge, as an inflammatory story, of limited values, is the stuff of distraction. I believe Noam Chomsky has said that people are distracted through huge arguments in a narrow focus/framework. 

One of the qualities that allow recognition of automated behaviors is a sense of being incomplete, which has a nature of restlessness to it. On some level the amazing ability of the self to understand automation, is to realize that somehow one has lost a stable foundation, as a mastery of self direction. At the same time, when realized as such, it becomes visible that allowing automation within to determine the self, has no long term gain. There is a sense that the rush is simply not worth it, its promise one of a false positive. One must pull back into what has greater longevity, to what can withstand the test of time.  Probably more struggle with correcting this than we realize, because in the end we cannot but NOT notice this. And we each know when we are not correcting it. This is why all hate is really self hate. As who and what we are, we are the means of awareness, so we cannot but recognize what we are doing within ourselves. 

I can see that even within writing this out, that bitterness I mentioned earlier, is really a state of fear. It is a state of fearing to lose something, which is really a means of showing myself that it is a demand within myself to slow down and investigate what is not in synch with what would being an ease of standing with what can be held that is always here all around me, as that very fabric of which I speak, that I need not fear losing, that the uncertainty can find constancy.  It is a fear of building a mistake, instead of realizing the building of being in a place where one can recognize an inner automation running away with itself. It is to realize a faith in recognizing when one ‘s presence as placement of awareness is steady and not of an automation as being the capacity of what it means to be human. Most masters understand this, and have that kind of faith, the company of which is the realization of the benefits of patience. Thus bitterness is really where I have not slowed down and investigated the expression of a relationship that opens a sharing of being present, meaning, a sharing of being present with this very capacity within me to recognize automation. It is describing something by what it is not. Sometimes, resistance reveals a point of change. Sometimes, recognition of automated behaviors has a similarity in that one has come to a point of a need to include a greater awareness. 

Automated time-lines of self accepted information in animation Day 726

In doing a walk though my past, to see, realize and understand how I have constructed personalities within and as me, as movements from my past, where I essentially did not do the math of existence, as common sense, and instead manipulated myself within to compensate for what I wanted in self interest, based on what was coming up within me, as a child, I can see how I moved in desire and protection instead of connecting with reality.

This appears to be such a small movement, and yet it remains and influences subsequent movements unless it is sorted out, as the information I allow to define me and practice, becomes who and what I am. It is like this life is a gift to move within and become intimate with, and yet, this small movement, can have repercussions because it is actually a movement against direct seeing of the world around me. Common sense means to see directly, and it is innate in the capacity of the human physical body. 

Such things are information, as small movements, that can be words, and that can accumulate and become a persona of information, inflamed because it is not of a direct seeing in this reality, instead it is a movement away, a movement of rejection, of fear in facing here. It is a fear of something dying, yet how can what is the gift as life, as self, be lost from here, ever? 

Also, there was a sense, in this memory of this movement away from direct seeing,  as sorting out what is here, even within not realizing that my own movement of separation - as not doing the math- was most likely what I was seeing that was the same as me, that I modeled and participated within and as that was at its root the very problem! How interesting, that I should in space, not see this, or did I? I was being what was the cause, more than likely, that lead me to be this movement of rejection and resistance of a ‘ math’ undone! lol That undone math, would compound as an action, and become what defined me.  This is why the way to life is through the eye-of-the-needle! One must do the math of creation to create. one must play the instrument; talking about it is talking about it, imagining it is imagining it, it is not the doing of the thing, and the magic, the real magic is in the ding of the thing.

What is a time line but rolled up information, I mean, what forms a tree? Is not a story a seed of information that creates an image? I suppose it is blasphemous to question story, because to question is already to be in separation, though a good means of discovery of such actions,  and also, to call something out by name, to begin to look at the parts and the whole and here, oops, something may be discovered. Thus, to question is to begin to move into a journey towards restoring, as reviewing, the math around one.

In this memory, of which I speak, I was moving against the story of life, the storied information as that which creates the seed that is of eternal information that can and is a part of what sustains creation. Another way to say this, is that if I can do the math of separation, I can do math, which means I can do the math, or process the information, of what sustains and supports creation. Such a subtle mis-step. The ways, as movements, reveling the means!

Within this, limitation becomes a welcome means of re-grounding in the practical, as reality, as this is a process of refertilezing a presence lost in limited information back down to earth, to live , or embrace what is here. Within this, my own accepted and allowed resistance to the movement of life around me.

For some, this might seem that one is letting go of something, when what is being let go is a color that is ‘ the color’ of separation from seeing directly and doing the math of here, as creation as the physical. The color, a set body of information that is the cause of friction and conflict in moving in ways that lend a direct seeing and as consequence, participation in creation. Ironically, one of the things I noticed about children, from my adult perspective, is that they love structure and to participate, it is such a natural desire. I mean, we all participate in the separation from life, manifest as beliefs, opinions and ideas rolled up into personalities, inflaming our organs and causing dis-ease. That we continue with actions that are not what is best for all, and thus equal to the act of real creation, is that we structure our separation and participate within it, as this is how things are done! The magic is in the doing, if the doing is a practice of resistance to doing the math of creation, then that is what informs is; in other words it is still a math, and still information rolled up into an entity as the math one accepts becomes personified.  Creation is a beautiful and balanced design, what we create is always here, as this is the gift of life.

If I allow myself to become separate, as the movements I allow that become what informs me, I can see where I would fear that which I am, all around me. I can see where I would fear what is me, that is the same outside of me, and I could see where I would resist this. The only way out is to forgive and do the math.  I mean, look, music is a math, and look what one can do with notes! What is the difference really? 

All I can do is forgive, as self correct the time lines of my actions that built the seed that becomes the information that automates and directs me. Automation in some ways is forgetting , or rejecting, and thus moving without awareness, if I do not check it and ‘ clean house’ once in a while, to make sure everything is in balance. This is the same within playing an instrument, one must check, yet when something is well known, I do not have to think about it, because in essence I am doing it, know it, so well, that the ‘ checking’ is done with ease and very quickly. I could say, that automation appears to be a quick check, as it is something that is so clear, it appears to not be checked, the movement is simply one lacking resistance. It is a perpetual balance. Have a look, while playing an instrument, one is doing, and  must have some awareness within the whole, to balance the parts. Yet, this is an indication of how great the separation from being present here is, that I have a color/idea/value around the idea in my mind of automation being something automatic, when it is myself no longer present and flowing in awareness of the parts and yet, within the process of development one must always check, and that checking appears so fast and moves with such ease, it is simply one’s presence moving through a form in movement in a moment. This point of ease, in a sense, is a point of self mastery and not a machine running without awareness. Thus, I become my own friction within who and what I am as the information that is me, here- that I allowed unless I remain present in checking the information within and without that is me here, as life.

Thus, the solution is to refurbish my presence, as that which accepted the resistances and the justifying movements of separation, back into what I have automated within me, to realize the friction and conflicts, that disrupt being grounded, and then, to change to a math that can move with ease here, and stand here. It is like creating anew.  In space, this time line, this seed , as a personality, will become like a moment of falling, like a child learning to walk, and simply a part of the process of creation, nothing more nothing less.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand, in detail, that every move I make, that every thing I accept and allow as a value, of doing the math here, or of resisting what is here, becomes who and what I am, a gift of life, to either become equal and one with and as creation as this physical world around me, that is me, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I am life, and as such, able to do the math to understand and express, in equality and oneness with and as life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from life, into and as fear, as accepting justifications as fear, as allowing an inferiority to what is here, and separations as mis-takes on the math of creation.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the time lines of information as movements, as a math, within and as me, are strings of forms, as ideas, beliefs and opinions, causing friction within the movement of me here in this physical reality, and as such can be deconstructed and reconstructed with and as what and who I am as the means of myself here, utilizing sound, as the building block of who and what I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that there is great joy in this act of being and doing, and thus, as who and what I am, as life, I am the capacity to process the information that is here, and what I have accepted and allowed in separation as a forgetfulness of the value being life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to have not seen realized and understood how the means reveled the end, and how the means is the same that can reconstruct and deconstruct my own acceptances and allowances, the personification is a math, as movements that can be defined and retuned, to become in tune with life, as the physical is here, to ground me, and allow the presence of me to become equal and one to creation, as seeing creation directly here as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that  doubt is fear, and fear is simply not having enough information, and as such reveals the means to the ends, which is to slow down, to breath, to cross reference and utilize myself as life, grounding myself back into reality, to animate the presence of me, here, equal and one to and with creation, to stand and move through the eye of the needle, into equality and oneness with creation as life, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that moment as a child, of a separation into fear, to survive, not seeing realizing and understanding I created within acceptance of and as  my own separation into personifications as being not having done the math, as realizing this was the same around me that was what existed, and was what I allowed to frighten me,  as I see it in this moment, which was myself fearing to let something go, that I defined myself within and as, and instead to simply do the math, as see the information of separation as what I was being and allowing, as the means to solution, and for this I forgive myself.

When and as I find myself  resisting, as a movement , at times so subtle, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand with practice, with attention to movement -breathing- how I am moving myself here as information, to see realize and understand my acceptances and allowances that build resistance and friction in relationship to this physical world around me.

When and as I find myself  resisting as allowing and accepting limitations, I stop and I breath, I call what I am allowing out by name, and I move into solution, calling the solution out by name, the information by name, to ground myself here, into and as the practical, to automate, as animate myself as life, to become equal and one to here, within as as accepting and allowing only that which does no harm, and respects all things, here.

When and as I find myself in conflict, in uncertainty, in confusion, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I assess the information that I have allowed to define me, that has become me, and I autocorrect, as in call my self accepted and allowed information, out by name, as the word, and I assess as investigate what is here, within and without, as acceptances and allowances, and I stop, slow down, breath, to balance myself , to stop the animation of personalities I have accepted and allowed in separation from being grounded here, present, in this physical reality, to see, realize and understand ‘ right action’ within and as this being what embraces limitations as information to direct in regard, in acceptance of myself as life, a relationship to and as a math, as a song, as what expands awareness and thus presence equal and one to here, as the physical.

What is on my hard drive? Am I automated information or a master of myself? Day 722

Can one point out a fault and then change that fault if one can stand as a solution, even telling a personal story of the consequence of the fault and then how that fault could have had a different outcome if one also, then, stood as the solution in detail?

Is this not bringing value? Can one face the forms/storm of the justification for the fault in detail catching the glitches of mis-information and direct towards solutions that fill in the glitches, or correct the form that creates that lack?

Before I became a Destonian I was tutoring children. One student I was tutoring in basic math. I would go over fractions with the student and move on. The student would appear to understand fractions as we practiced them - walked the movement and measure of how the forms interacted as the pieces of broken down information.  Then we would move on. Inevitably, the student would start making mis-takes with the information. It appeared to me to be a ‘ gap’ or a ‘ glitch’ in processing in some way. I eventually found out that it had to do with fractions. We would practice them again, and the same glitch would appear.  

Somehow there was a ‘ bounce back’ into a previous ‘ state of being’ or attitude, or idea, or presence within having to process the order and movement of fractions. I decided to practice fractions with the student beyond them appearing to know fractions. Somehow a practice was needed to consistently over time be done to counter a glitch that had become deeply embedded. Thus, I started to do some fraction equations every time we met for an extended period of time, beyond the student appearing to know fractions. I had to reprogram this student above and beyond a normal sequence of learning something new. What this means is that if we learn something incorrectly, it takes longer to rescript/relearn something that was learned incorrectly- or with an emotional polarity. This means that something in the environment cluttered the learning and added a dimension of confusion, or mis-information, or  something blocking clarity. Or the information was partially learned, and the mis-takes from that partial, or insecure understanding created that behavior, as a definition, and that incorrect learning, with the consequential insecurity becoming what defined the personal living practice. Thus, the practice in fractions had become an entity  of lack, or mis-information. These kinds of mis-informational practices take longer to correct than an initial perfect practice.

Our schools, by design, cannot catch these imperfect practices and correct them. Any parent that expects this, is forgetting how this works, and projecting a blame via a demand or desire for the schools to correct this which is in itself the same kind of glitch that leads to an imperfect practice. It is in itself, not looking and slowing down to catch those imperfect practices that lead to an inability to process information- those movements as measures within that can be understood once looked at! I mean if I can do this so can anyone, it is simply a matter of looking into the matter! By looking into the matter, one is looking into the movements and processing ‘ orders’ used to follow through a process. One has to go and look at the sequences in movements and find the skimming, or incorrect ‘ turn’ on how something moves and is formed. This is important because what we do informs us. As we can see, the practice of a lack of inspection of something, causes that movement to become what directs us.

Usually we know when something is not clear. 

In one set of business talks it is said to realize that what tension builds in one’s solar plexus is either that one is in fear, or that one does not have enough information. Really both are the same, one is protecting a lack of clear informing of self and the other is realizing a demand for more investigation.  One of the problems allowed is that this whole process in itself is ignored, which causes more problems, as these things accumulate just as the imperfect practice accumulated in the student. In so many ways, the physical is a gift because it reflects  whether one is connected or not. When we are truly focused we are what one might call ‘ happy’/fulfilled- filled with creativity.

If one is not investigating into what leads to a perfect practice, or clarity, a spin of justification happens, taking up the space that could be used to correct the mis-take on a perfect practice. And to realize that a perfect practice is often realized to be a practical practice. That kind of practice where one realizes in a moment such responses as ‘ why didn’t I see that”, or ‘ that makes so much sense!” lol

I was at a meeting of teachers. There was a speaker who was bring forward theories about teaching. One theory was to make things small, into” bite sizes” for the children to practice. This teacher held her arm out and said “ make things within arms reach’ . The statement ended there. This is a theory. Something like this sounds pretty.  Saying something like this to a child is meaningless because it has nothing in it that gives the specific directions within a given practice, such as fractions. It sounds cool and it sounds good, especially to a consciousness of information that plays with ideologies made theories.  The theory becomes a hope that holds one up for a while, as it has a truth that lends a sense of promise in a mind construction built of theories without a real mastery of practical practice in the specifics of fields of understanding real living things in this world.  In this our schools have become places of  memorized information built from theoretical ideological practice- where the parts are not necessailry bad. A perpetual cycle that is in itself devoid of any real focus on reality, on real mastery of and as what one teaches or speaks of.  Astounding really that we have allowed this. Remember, no one can put humpty dumpty back together again but the self. What we accept and allow is what we become, and when we ignore what we become, which we are always aware of,  becomes what we are as well; a lack of information that does not fit into real living. 

In other words, an inability is a lack of real detailed practical practice. A lack of opportunity within this, causes a lack of self directive capacity ( a natural capacity) . A busy-ness of lots of theoretical information causes the same lack of capacity as the opportunity appearing to be given was in itself not grounded, or an imperfect practice. This is what is meant by the statement that Americans are educated just enough to believe they are educated and yet they are not. It is essentially a busy-ness of a limited and thus imperfect practice. The problem with the busy-ness practice is that it fills up space with theory as the mechanism communicates what it has practiced. We are very similar to tape recorders, we simply express what we practice just as that student expressed a lack of  holding a perfect practice in processing fractions. 

Because of this inner train of running information that is formed into a con-science, meeting that lack built of a story chasing a promise as the subtle truths inherent in the imperfect information/practice I must answer to that storied lack.  And I have to do this within the fairy tale, the airy fairy mis-information tale. I have to direct in mis-information and practice the correction, or give the correction. And I have to stand as it no matter what. It is a lot like leading a section in a group, remaining steady and yet aware, remaining focused on the math in the moment, holding it.  This means becoming a master of one’s will. This means never ever going into blame. This means, just as with this student, grounding in the practical until it is stable, and even at times above and beyond an appearance of stability. 

Because I am a product of this system, which I accepted and allowed, this means for me that I must always check within myself when I tend to go into fear, manifested as a righteousness  that tends towards protection and defense as resistance to answering to lack. Sometimes I notice that I remain calm and answer from a state of calm, and yet as the continued scream of lack is ongoing I begin to become agitated. This is myself getting caught up in the ideological train raging away.  What begins to make facing this easier is simply accepting it without judgement, and understanding that this is what is going to happen because this is what has formed and that form must voice itself to see itself- so to speak. Thus, it is for myself to realize that yes, without doubt, the lack of proper information is going to surround me, it is going to come, it is going to not magically disappear ! It is a gift in a way, because it allows the opportunity to fine tune to and towards a perfect practice into a balanced whole, where the con-science of how all of this works becomes a con-science of life, meaning seeing this practical world directly and within this, leading to decision making, or self direction that respects reality. This means grounding the math of a measure of separation via limitation back into the practical information of this physical existence.

What has been made so huge is really very very small. The focus on what has been constructed within ONLY is the separation that is causing the problems we have in our society, our world. I mean look, if we have people in America showing us their water is brown with the advent of fracking then fracking is not a good practice. If we have someone like Bernie Sanders pointing out that we can move vegetables around the world and yet cannot bring pharmaceutical drugs across a neighboring border then something is seriously wrong. If we allow bureaucracies to believe that building human infrastructure to change what is not working is too hard as an excuse than we are placing value on our individual survival instead of solving problems. I mean this is why the word administrator has the sound admitted traitor- because managers tend to not be on the ground and instead stare at their own formations wanting that to fit into reality despite contradictions in living practice of reality and the means of change being practical actions done on the ground.  Managers of systems are not usually the ones out there in the field actually walking the reality, the practice, the creative movement that is the change. They are usually in offices away from the field, moving as ideas, and can come to believe that they know, from there up high on their platforms, when they do not know they have not walked the small practical meeting of resistance in the field as consequences of harm , or lived and seen the detriments of their paper  rulings/measures/forms. They become blame and spite instead of being solution-in-the-small-steps oriented They then begin to aggrandize and believe they know, and instead form all manner of ideas they want to place into practice from a starting point of not having done the actual real practice themselves!.  It is a classic situation. The solution here is to separate practice from management, where management follows practice. 

 In reality we can all physically see this, within ourselves and in others. There is a form of constriction in the physical body, a vortex like movement that can have a presence of a racing train, in that it starts to rush information, projecting it forward. Some do this silently, yet the magnetics of this in space can be sensed if we were not so much in our heads chasing trains of thoughts that we admit in the practice of ‘ mindfulness’ need not define who we are. We can see the outplay of this in conflict, especially in our relationships to all things. When we cannot communicate in ways that lead to practical solutions we are in separation;  every part involved must see the solution and the necessary steps to walk the solution- which takes time and patience and change. We can see behaviors of separation from real living, in how we cast down our eyes and spin them around as we read our limited set body of information within instead of taking in what is around us in form and order. We can see this in the sudden spastic movements in our arms and body and legs and hands. We can see this in a rising anxiety in relation to information another expresses, where we tend to interject and stop listening. We can see this in how we have not heard a single thing another person has said. We can see this in how we are told we are not listening, which is really ‘ my way or the highway’ scenario at times. We can see this in how we do not slow down to define terms to make sure we are on  the same page, or, within this, how we do not want to take the time to slow down and define terms because this means LOOKING at ourselves, using a natural ability to assess and reform because reformation means looking at our own self interest and/or realizing our desires were not what was best and considerate of the life around us- as everything around us is life.

Our physical bodies are perfect information processors! 

Solving the mis-takes of each part means standing with that part and imparting a body of information that lends to a will of an awareness of respect for this reality and the habit of a practice that focuses one’s self on this reality.  It means to follow the math of here, understanding the separation into a small mis-take on reality, and walking that mis-understanding back  into a living practice, here.  One could say this means becoming a culture of life.  Thoughts create habits create actions. What math have you accepted and allowed to define who and what you are as the directives you make? Are you running in automated information or are you aware of and master of accepted and allowed information?  Do your actions consider all things? Is your presence respecting this physical reality?  Is there tension and pain anywhere in your physical body- your hard drive?  We know who and what we have accepted and allowed. It is time to change and become a steward of this physical life, here.

Thank you for reading!

What is presence? Day 713

I am past fifty. I noticed changes in my parents as they grew older. It was more that I began to notice patterns in them, that something was changing. I noticed it in my mother’s art work. Somehow, it was not as clear. Since I noticed these changes, yet did not really look, I did not clearly define what was happening.

I also noticed changes in string performers. There is a difference between someone who is present when they play and someone who is moving in automated ways. They say, that one should not hear a performer thinking, it gets in the way, and the music loses some of its depth. It is to say that when a performer is present, one is more focused, and thus the listener is more engaged. It is in many ways an intimacy. Even performing with others has an intimacy that makes one really vulnerable. One is very exposed, especially to the trained ear. 

Yet, is this something, that when someone is present while playing, that they catch the focus of others?  How can this be? Also, to qualify, there are audience members, or listeners that do not hear. They come to hear a piece just to say that they heard the piece, and usually these are listeners that do not listen! To them everything is wonderful and the performer is almost a god that has some special talent. If one asks what they liked, they cannot give any real definition to their likes. It astounded me for a long time. It is why I so often did not want to remain after a performance to greet the audience. It was somehow painful, yet that is my judgement.

Every moment of life is really about being present. As I age, I notice that it is so easy to follow the habit of thinking. Even when I can with greater ease, let things go when I notice I tense up and want to react, calling out something I see as a limited perspective, which is a starting point of judgement because I am reacting to an ego, and thus I move more as agenda than solution; than investigation, than assessment. It is a fear that I lose something I define myself as, or that i have no standing, or that I can be defined by what another voices.  This is myself standing in separation from what is always here, as the physical. 

What I am defined as what is all of me, I am physical, this is the means of my expression. What is called out, in thought, word and deed, need not define me. Yes, if someone were to suddenly appear with a gun and shoot me, I would die - more than likely- yet what is voiced and promoted as measure, as idea, as belief, as opinion, as words, need not define who and what I am because it is, as words, about something, it is not what is manifest as the physical. And yet, what I practice as thoughts as ideas about here, can become automated within and as what motivates me as this physical state of being. If I allow ideas and beliefs and opinions to be who and what I am, without constant reference and reverence to all of me, I begin to lose my connection to life, to the physical.

I can sense this within myself, and I could, though I did not name it as such, in my parents. The disconnect from the physical world manifests in physical movements in people as they age. It gets more difficult to drive, it gets more difficult to listen, it gets more difficult to travel. It gets more difficult to open jars, and to take care of a house. I have seen this many times with aging people. And they see this as a norm. It cannot be normal. It is the opposite of normal. It is the consequence of a separation from the physical world, from being present, from focusing on here. It is a separation from being engaged to here. lol, I ask myself why reproductive relationships are so dominant in all stories! Why are  these singular relationships in a world of physical relationships made so HUGE as the focus of each of us? This is a distraction, this is enlarging something to remove one’s presence from reality. In a normal development, this would occur in a natural way. It would be a physical thing where two people would come together to reproduce. At the moment, as our society, it is forced. It begs the question as to how present we are. Are we really ‘ playing’ the instrument of ourselves as physical bodies on a physical world?

One can ask one’s self; How present are you? Can you conceptually process information with ease? Can you stand before something you have never done, a physical task, and use your innate spatial skill to realize the form and the function of what physically is before you, and then move with care and presence into moving with it in practical ways?

In some ways, I have not wanted to perform because it ends up being a situation where i am asked to perform all the time. I have taken this in different ways. One is becoming entertainment - and cheap entertainment as I was asked to get grants to pay for performances- this being me who performs and spends hours writing for grants so I can perform. A real disconnect from reality in relation to the people who have asked me to do this. I am always astounded.

The second, is this sense of people being drawn to me, as this idea that they come and suck something out of me. When in effect, if I perform with presence, it is that a person who is separated from being present is drawn to someone who is present- unless they are so removed, from having allowed an entity of belief to define who and what they are above , or before, a respect of the physical. One can get a resistance to presence, one can get those who desire presence and yet cannot clearly define an attraction to the greater degree of presence in another, and one can get those who recognize presence- and even here, may not be able to define this - lol it is ineffable in so many ways.

Thus, our behaviors within us, are visible in every move we make, as to how present we are in this physical world.  The solution to our loss of direct interaction with life, is to respect the physical world around us in every moment. this means we have to stop thinking and start being present. Everything that is moving in the mind, is a thought about here, it is equal in degree to one’s level of presence in reality- the physical.  Our presence has to be here, focused here, in every breath. If we are in thoughts we are in separation from life. In this, our imaginations shows us the correct use of what we are. If we are building an entity as a picture in our minds of right and wrong, without taking action, to cross reference, we are making what is in our minds larger than life.  When what we believe becomes larger than the physical world around us,  we lose our presence to and towards all things. This manifests through time as a loss of perception of the space around us. It becomes harder to do the most simple of things in our daily lives. Thus, the marker of our separation from considering all things is visible in every movement we take. In essence, we are what we allow ourselves to focus upon.  We are the directors of our own lives. Where we go will determine the quality of our life.  Do you remember what you did last year at this time? What would a life of being present in the physical reality be? 

Day 694 Does the degree of automated behavior match the degree of a lack of presence?

There was a time when I was cooking every night for my children. Someone had given me this small tv, so I put this in the kitchen and would watch the news as I cooked. Then, as the news ended and a tv series would come on, I suddenly found myself watching the series, and it started to happen every other night.

I noticed that I was doing this too often. So, one day I took away the television, This started a period where I would change things, from one moment to the next. It was myself realizing how quickly I could become stuck in patterns of behavior.

Around this time, I found I could no longer read novels. I would open them and read the first two sentences and put them down. It was like the novels themselves started to follow the same patterns. so I started to read biographies and three or four books on one subject. 

Then, sometimes I would talk with people and they were saying things to me like “ you’re an intellectual” and yet, I never really saw myself as that. I had met some professors, and often when one got to know them, they would repeat the same things again and again. I started to see how a professor could get stuck in a pattern. They learned some things and assembled some books for a course, and it is as though they remained in that line of information. This is not a bad, yet in our busy lives we at times cannot see what is right in front of us. And time goes by.

My sister told me this story the other day, She has met a man and chatted with him for a while. He  was looking back at his life and realized that he had spent the years with his children very involved in hockey. All his friends were involved in hockey. Here he was, children grown, and he never had anything to do with any of the people he befriended through hockey. He could not even figure out how that had happened. He did not even know if he really liked hockey!

I notice, since I walk process, as the journey back to life, that my movements can go into an automation. I find myself not even noticing that a spoon is made of steel, or even where that steel came from.

There is a rage going on in my town. A woman lives near what was at one time a salt marsh. At present there is a restoration process moving forward. Her property will be effected. She writes rants about how her lower yard, where she grows vegetables will no longer exist. I asked myself, when the marsh was closed off for a railroad in the 1800’s, if anyone asked all the sentient beings in the marsh if they were going to be upset when their fertile ground  suddenly dried up and changed in chemistry? Did anyone consider them?

I also ask, why we have no awareness of what is actually physically here?  Do we get stuck in patterns because we are actually bored, and yet, are so creative that anything is better than nothing? Like rats in a cage, when given only heroin laced water, they drink the water until they are dead. When given a cage full of things and pure water, the rats will not choose the  means of a lesser physical experience, as that heroin water. Perhaps , the system we are allowing through our acceptances, is like that heroin water, where we become habituated to less, and get lost in patterns because at least we are feeling something. What would it be if we were aware of where the things we use come from, what animals and plants and situations existed that were changed for that steel spoon. Were we present and aware of what is here - all the sentient beingness around us - would we get lost in automated behaviors that we wake up from, entering regret or shock at what we lived?

I mean, should we not live our lives in such a way that we can say we knew what we choose, and we loved what we choose? Should we not live in full awareness of our choices?  Can we see the patterns of behavior we get stuck in?  Or, do we remain in patterns because the idea of facing something different appears too great, so we decide to remain in a patterns as a comfort?  Do we realize what our ignorance does not only to ourselves and others as well?

Can we see that our vaccines are meant to make us sick so our medical industry can create jobs? Can we see the math of the information that touts a good to present a story line of salvation, when that salvation is a constructed means to move wealth into the hands of a few, suppressing the very life we are living, to the point where we acclimate to boredom and when our patterns are interrupted we scream that we are going to lose something? And in this, we do not consider the lives of others, or we are too afraid to walk away from a job because we fear losing money, even when we see the damage every day and we know that somehow this is not what life was meant to be? Do we realize that our bodies replace all the cells every seven years, which begs the question as to what is deteriorating cells within a seven year period? 

Even our nano science  reveals that homeopathic remedies do indeed have particles from the plants infused into them, and that water is a resonator. Thus, what are we resonating into our water that is burdening the cells?  Do we leave a resonance that is a coping mechanism based on not bad, yet limited information?  A dis-use of capacity is a stress, as science is also finding out, hence that pattern one is stuck in, does as much damage as a life appearing to be busy with hockey, the resonance as a measure we allow, or the text books we assemble to teach a class, become what we carry within us.  IN essence we become like pack horses of an inner formation! And somehow we all know this. So what we fear the most is the way out. What we face is a shadow governing force within. That is all. It is a vine of information, that started with a small movement, that took the self directive capacity of self, and became a demise within. And then one lost self mastery.

What if we were to become aware of what is here? What if we questioned the disease that is around us, and said, no more? What if we did as we were told, to become a living word? After all, what does a living word imply? Would it not mean to see directly here, to be aware of what we are doing with the physical world around us? Would it not mean that what is real is the physical? Would it not mean that to be focused here, on the physical world, and how it moves in real expression, eliminate the voice of salvation because we would be speaking in real values, values of quality about things, not good or bad, but that nature of things, the potency they express as their natures or character of and in what they are? Would this not be a world of such depth that the measure of understanding in each of us would be filled with life?

And so, we can begin to walk discovering words, to guide us. We can learn the nature and quality of things, we can be present, aware of everything we do, of the things we use and where they came from, how they were produced, from the moment something was planted or extracted from the ground, and how the sentient beings were managed. We can bring ourselves out of some heroic story in our imaginations that follow a limited story, that really only serves the real welfare babies living in paper castles scheming up toxins and wars, lost in a checker board game that is in separation from reality. 

The language of life, is not going to be the language of a false imagination. Out present politicians are so lost in a game of power that they no longer have any connection to reality. And we, the ones below lost in patterns and habits and accepting the unacceptable, are the means to put an end to a system on earth that is not the image and likeness of life. To realize what we are doing, we need only look at what we are doing, in every move we make. When we do this, we will realize how absent we have allowed ourselves to be.

Since we are absorbent beings, what does a perfect practice? What does an imperfect practice - or limited practice? How are we informing ourselves? Are we master of who and what we are?  Would the real nature of each fit into life, as life would birth only what is best? Would the real nature be the best of you, and would that be what is in tune, and hence what is eternal? 

Day 671 Debt as wages and Steve Jobs.

I read this article here, about capitalism. The part where debt was used to allow for declining wages, as, according to the article, began in the 70’s here in America, shows how we perceptually remeasure things, as an ability within each of us. In this case, in this article, the measure of earnings and money lending, used resources and labor and reconfigured it is such a way to allow greater amounts of money to accumulate into the hands of a few. No doubt, the law industry also benefitted from this, as schemes were ordered, constructed to support that change via that measure of using debt to pay wages.

And the media, as this was running full steam by the time we hit the 70’s , filled in the dreams of what one could do within taking out loans and building that home. All the while, as one is so occupied with the dream, the hope, the desire, that looking at how debt was being used to pay wages was not noticed. Were it , and perhaps there was the lone whistle blower that had no space to voice their concerns, as the media was already owned by those who had accumulated enough wealth to construct lending structures that were a means of hiding lowering wages.

What is astounding is the obvious in all of this. This means that humans are the means to investigate form and ‘ pull on the stings of formation’ in time and space, and that no one human being can be more than another in this system, as all parts are needed to do what is a form that is devious by definition and presented as a false positive. Hence, no few can own anything that is the structural foundation of being a living person on this earth. 

This reminds me of what Steve Jobs was quoted to have said towards the very end of his life. He said that what he owned and the power he had were meaningless. These were things he could not take with him. It was the connection to others, that was the value. Hence he realized the value was being, was living, was being present here. He realized that this game that we have all accepted and allowed of winning power and things, is the illusion. And as we see, within the debt use of wage support and the slight of hand going on behind the racing to win a home ONLY,  is game we as a collective accept and allow that is not what is best for us. The consequence of this game, is that the debt is now the elephant in the room, and the laborers, the ones that are the parts that built this, are too expensive and can be replaced by automation, leaving fewer jobs. This leaves fewer possibilities for humans to realize their value, which is to interact with others and do what men can do, which is to come up with new ways of doing things, as a group, because this is how this is done, on this planet where resources cannot be owned unless it is believed to be a truth, when it is not. Steve Jobs makes this clear.

A basic income, a Living Income Guarantee, would be to realize that value Steve Jobs was talking about. Perhaps, he would still have discovered with the many others he discovered with, his discoveries would have happened, yet they would have happened in tandem with really living the value being life; meaning he would have had the time to discover and investigate and come up with new ways of doing things, and spend time enjoying his family and his community and the many values on this earth, as the plants and the animals, and the soils. Obviously, Steve jobs does not exist alone, he is a part of the whole. And, perhaps he is the consequence of what came before, birthed into existence as the sum of development that existed before him. This would mean that he is you , he is life in another form. If he is this, as this is how this works, this is a movement, in a way, that is a celebration of life. It is such a huge and great thing; it means that the value of creation is being and playing with what is formed and realizing in word and deed and thought,  that we create what is here, and it is all of us working together that is the value.

It is time to remove this pyramid scheme of inequality to life. It is time to realize that poverty is a crime against life. It is time to realize, in deed and systemic form that war is a crime, it is destructive as it is not transformative - it is not using what men can do  in constructive ways to create a world where life on this earth is dignified in and as the practice of realizing the value is being here, interacting with others, realizing their perspective to build awareness and to come up with new ways of doing things that improve and respect this physical manifestation of life. We can do this, we can stand together, as we have done, and stand as what is best for all. It is said that one cannot know what is outside of one’s awareness, yet the steps forward are visible, one needs only take that step to see the next. I mean, this is how this is done! Support a Living Income Guarantee. Time to create a systemic form that is the voice and structure of realizing the value is being life. 

Day 622 Am I the automation of my beliefs, opinions and ideas? Do I i consider all life?

So often I notice that I fear telling the truth, the real common sense measure of this physical real world where I live my life.. In little things even, as though making things clear  is somehow ‘ bad” or ‘ offensive’. Really a form of insanity on a practical physical world. If I want to get something done, I have to walk the practical measure of what it means, step by step to get that thing done. If I want to learn to play the violin, I have to become aware of the from of it, the mechanics of it. I mean, is this not how we learn to drive a car? Is this not how we learn to wash our clothes? Is this not how we learn to cook?

If I am driving down a road, and I see a scruffy looking dog who appears disoriented, is it not to do what I would want done for me were I the flesh and blood that is the same as me, as that dog? Is not a dog formed of cells and water and fats and minerals just as I am? How is it that men have ignored what is a starting point that is the same in all physical life? How is it that men, as all of us,  realize we must walk the steps to move our bodies into a washroom, turn on the hot water, pick up the bar of soap, move our arms in an up and down motion, as in walking the order of what it means to clean our bodies, and yet, not see, realize and understand that everything that happens on this earth is because the steps to order outcomes must be walked to complete a movement as what and how life works in a physical form?

How is it that we do not see and realize the obvious outcome of paying interest on money borrowed means moving the principle from the source as the labor and the material value. like a drain, into those lending with interest? How is it that we do not realize that this by design is a pyramid scheme that requires endless growth on a finite planet that can sustain itself if what is taken out circulates back, to once again transform into what should create value for the betterment of life?

That dog on the side of the road, had to walk, move though, situations, as measure of experience and exposure to come to exist in the lack that it is experiencing the measure of.

How is it that we cannot realize that the so-called veil, is that our inner experience is not equal to practical reality when we ignore that dog? How is it that we cannot see that we are not seeing this reality directly, when we ignore so many things that exist that are unacceptable all around us?

How is it that we ignore poverty and men who resort to crime and end up in prison, when so many of us, especially the middle class realize that we must educate our children through exposing them to opportunities in self development, as self refinement in inner measure, and yet, ignore that this is the way and the means to prevent lack in men? Saying ‘ I know” and then not acting upon this, is as negligent as being that cause directly of situations of lack, in any living form on this earth. They are no different.

As far as myself fearing to tell the truth, to look here, to realize that physical movements happened that lead to what exits here. There is no invisible hand, there is no iron fist, there is the reality of the measure of here as the physical. Our metaphysical metaphors are the signifiers of our ignorance and the sound of justification in our words. We are mis-using the gift of sound, distorting out communication. 

Today,, when I spoke up about something, I noticed this inability to look without, as I only looked at the words I spoke to stand stable in the form I wanted to convey, so concentrated on my words was I, to hold them, that little of me sensed the space and time of the world around me. It was just a moment, thus, I realized this on reflection in the next moment.

This is not something new to me. And yet, I know I am capable of this, after all playing in a group requires listening to the parts and the whole, which means I have the ability to sense the parts and the whole.  We all do, otherwise we would not be able to drive our cars. How far can we go if we realize real equality means focusing here, in total, our withins being equal to our withouts? Respecting what is here as this physical world that reaches its full potential when no lack is allowed?

What I repeat becomes me, it accumulates and then becomes a habit within me. If I judge, and then compare, where one thing is more than another, I become the state of ‘ measuring” that state of being, and I walk around in that measure, that act of comparison- based on ideas that I already habituated as something to define me. When I reject what does not suit my habit, my state of measure repeated until automated, just like being addicted to porn, I become a walking projection of that, and see only what supports that projection that ignores what is real, right here in front of me, what respects and enjoys differences, learns and expands in awareness from them. I become a persona of what I accept and allow. Through repetition I program what I am. If the measure is not a practice of equal consideration of the means of my being here, then I become unequal to the life that is this physical world.

If I see directly here, and absorb what is the movement and function and measure of something and take it for what it is without value judgements, then I am more grounded here, and more aware, and more able to direct myself in ways that consider things and receive them to realize actions that do no harm. This is really what my physical body is the means to be and do.

If my inner measure as my beliefs and ideas repeated and habituated are not what is aware of here, my within ordered to assess the without, then there builds a weight within me, a heaviness that cannot fit into directives that lack consequences I must eventually face and realign. 

All of this means that I am just like a computer, my memory can fill up, and that what my memory is, the measure of it, if it is not clear in seeing reality directly,  I cannot process the information of my living here, and have many miss-takes that end up not fulfilling the real sensory potential of myself, and because of this, I create my own insecurity and have a hard time being truthful, because I have become the habit of my separation as the measure I repeated and programmed into me. 

If I punish myself, or what ever measure is here, as in resisting mis-measure,  I am not standing with what is real;  the only solution is to stand as what is real here, being directive within this. To realize, within each moment, that I create who and what I am within what I accept and allow. And, that in every moment I can ground myself here. And no matter what, remain present despite what ever habituated memory validates its measure within or without as behaviors, which must need be done because this is not being aligned within to the without as the means of living, the physical, this that is always right here, present, life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear to be truthful.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing the measure as belief, opinion and idea within and without, as this is a measure of equal-standing phy-si-cal life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, for example, to judge myself as being more based on what model of car I drive, or on how my appearance is received within a system that is the accumulation of limited measures of values  causing an inner attention to comparison in the order of that limited value instead of, as in these instances, being thankful for having a car, and or respecting having clothing and the ability to have clean hair, taking care of the body, and instead of being comparison with an end judgement of distain, to avoid, to instead assess and direct in ways that do no harm, realizing that each has the capacity to investigate and reorder through being practical here, with the aid of the physical showing the way in every moment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being the practice of common sense of reality as what I am the perfect form as physical living to be and to do.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to listen to hear the form within of another, and within this to allow self discovery, and self awareness, and to realize that in remaining focused here, in physical life, as life would be an information,  being truthful as in being self honest, is being equal to the measure of practical reality, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be oblivious to the practice of physical living here, the means and way of being life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that being in creation, means to walk the measure of the practice of physical living here.

When and as If ind myself resisting here, as in behaviors of rejection or resistance, i stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I ground myself as in equalize myself to the measure of reality, and I assess what I am allowing and accepting as a measure as the experience I have labeled in judgement as my past, as a belief about here, and I move into and as, in thought word and deed that which respects and considers  all life, as the physical form here that is the means of my existence, to see, realize and understand what is best for all.

When and as I find myself feeling overwhelmed within and as bringing myself back down to earth, as in conveying the practice of living on a physical planet, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I assess and investigate what is here, right in front of me, becoming the moment of here, as it is here that I can equalize myself back into being life.

When and as I find myself reacting to belief, opinion and idea, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand that such is a measure of under-standing that must self realize and have the space and time to reground, thus reaction in terms of such defining me,  exists only if I accept and allow it, as I am life, the means to ‘ turn the tide,’ the form of my accepted and allowed belief, to slow way down and sense what is the directive as the practical steps, as the practice of living in consideration of all things as me, as I am here.

When and as I sense a weight as a movement as something that does not fit into here, as a sense of feeling overwhelmed, or anxious, of fearful, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I take the time and space to investigate myself equal and one to and with life here, as this I slow down and take in the information in front of me, assess and ground myself here in thought, word and deed.