Day 102 The sigh of avoidance character
My mother was here the other day. Religion came up. She stood up, sighed and turned to walk away. This one movement of standing, sighing and turning away, my twin sister has been here and done the same, and so have I. Like peas in a pod, the same action again and again. How many generations?
This is “giving up,” this is believing things are impossible, in-passable, that my shit is holier than yours, that “I know”. Yet, all of this is an avoidance character. I avoid becoming involved so that I do not have to deal with the “shit.” I sigh and walk away. As though I am above, and within this supposed “abovness” I become the “holier than thou” salvation character, where I “save” no one, I just end up stewing in my own self pity, for having wanted to save and thinking I tried.
What I am avoiding is life, is myself, is realizing that all actions as dramatic events on this earth are the outflow of what is accepted and allowed that is the image and likeness of myself as I am all as one as equal. The resolution of this emotion and feeling is in separation from what is physically here, the pixels are not aligned with this physical world.
And this physical world, is ignored as the movement of the care actor is deemed of import. A storm on what is actually here, where I as life am here, this physical world - as myself as a physical being - need not seek attention and acknowledgement through incessant peek-a-boo validation as the only real validation is being physical, one and equal with and as the physical world.
My care acting is for emotions and feelings and thoughts, composed of wants , needs and desires, to ensure survival in a system of for-gotten values as we fear “picking up the violin” meaning this physical world and playing with and as the physical world. Where all it takes is realizing the form and structure of the physical and learning how to place our fingers on the strings. Something each and every one of us can do. What is here is known, we know how to take care of this physical world, yet we have allowed a system, where those that fear playing the violin have grabbed what appears to be an easy sustenance that is not of real full self development as life, and build a battle field of war to protect their own fear of being and becoming life, of picking up this physical world, meaning becoming one and equal to this physical world, and standing up in full interplay with and as this physical world. Where this is only existent when earth becomes heaven on earth, as this is interaction with the “violin” in full matched per form as all that is here “stance.” No parent/real “god” would have it any other way. As this is the opportunity to be and become life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a character of avoidance, where in standing up and sighing, I stand on a soap box, pick up a self pity rag to hold my tears - that tare at my flesh, and within my character of superiority I become the character of the rejected savior, believing that I know and am mis-understood.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that standing up and sighing, is myself in separation from life, as I am not here, one and equal to this physical world, and am imposing ideas and beliefs and opinions that are a story of belief in and as my mind, in separation from what is actually physically here, as I believe there is some god and holy place just waiting to realize how special I am, thus can I stand up and walk away, avoid what is here, avoid facing the limited view point of selected pixels of belief , opinion and idea, that ignore what is physically here, what is tangible with my human physical hands.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the desire for sex, in and as needing an image in and as my mind, to stimulate my human physical body, is no different than needing an image of a god surrounded with angels ( an even this image is limited as who the hell wants to go and sit with a supposed “god” surrounded by angels - how fucking boring), as both are seeking a limited means of self expression, and if one would look it becomes obvious that what one believes is an escape to a “better place” has no real substance beyond the image, and just as with sex, the image and action with image is never satisfying and must be perpetually sought, an action mimicked in the drugs sold for health were health is never achieved or the drugs would no longer be necessary.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that when I stand up and I sigh and I turn to move away, I am existing in and as my mind, in judgement, fixed in stone, engraving my own tombstone, and not here, in and as breath, equalizing myself as one and equal to what is physically real, here as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this character of “giving up” is avoiding being here, facing what is here, which is to say NOT facing the separations accepted and allowed as emotions, thoughts and feelings, desires, wants and needs, as what is being accepted and allowed, instead of realizing what is physically here as what is real, a constant that moves and does not move.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the energetic rushes as emotions and feelings are the separations of myself from life, the outplay of ideas and opinions and beliefs, within a bubble that turns me into a human light bulb and consumes my flesh, where I am really like a firefly on earth in separation from earth, and not here one and equal to what is real, the support of myself here, this physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that all emotions and feelings are different densities of energy, one is perceived as a negative feeling and the more dense, the positive emotion , yet the two within their spectrum of intensity are the separation of myself into and as wants, desires and needs, based on beliefs , opinions and ideas, within a system of inequality, known as capitalism, presented as democracy, where my energetic movements in and as myself are based in fear of survival, and thus myself ignoring this physical sustaining world as the physical as life, where it is known how to sustain what is here on this planet, yet the storm of survival/fear and thus the creation of competition is the separation, as the human is at war with himself and not existing in the principle of equality, the giving as you would like to receive, the answer that has been given and is known by each and every one of us.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that emotions and feelings are based on thoughts, as ideas, opinions, and beliefs that are what has been taught by parents, which was taught by their parents etc. within a society that reflects inequality and thus all that has been conveyed through time, a conveyor belt of separation from what is real, this physical world, is causing the destruction of this earth as the human is ignoring understanding of how the present systems work, where if it were understood how this system works, the only choice is to stand and organize a system of support for all life and then to vote in this system, as protest of just an act of blame, where an act of blame is not an actual physical act of reorganization, where this will take all of us, and if we expect another to stand then earth will end, where we fear losing our jobs within a system that will be the death of us, so the challenge is to stand, the one thing feared is the one thing needed to be done, as this is common sense, because it is the fear that is the illusion, thus the thing feared is the only way through to be faced to reach heaven on earth. There is no other choice.
No one is coming to save anyone, as the gift of life is being given, to realize fear is the illusion and that there is only one way to realize this and that is to walk through it, and that each and every one of us must do this all by ourselves, thus there is not one to do this for you and me but ourselves. alone to become all one.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear emotions and reactions within others, to fear looking, where myself imposing my own beliefs and opinions and ideas, is one and the same as myself fearing to look.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that I have the tools of self forgiveness, writing, corrective application and breath, within and as the principle of oneness in equality as what is best for all is best for self, here
I commit myself to no longer standing up and allowing myself to sigh and turn away, in and as the avoidance character, in and as a belief that I know and am not accepted or not understood, which is my self just wanting to be right, where I have separated myself from myself as life as what is best for all.
I commit myself to realizing that every moment where an interaction is not resolved to a point of equality is an act of the mind wanting to win something, wanting to survive, existing in more than and less than, where myself as equality is wanting to be more and not myself moving into and as, one and equal to, life, as life is all as one as equal here, as this is the only choice.
I commit myself to breathing, to forgiving myself to and as what I am, to stop the movement within and as myself as energy, as emotions and feelings and thoughts, to bring the pieces of myself back together again as all as one as equal here for the children to come, so that they may become one and equal as life, here.
I commit myself to realizing that the present system, accepted and allowed on earth must change to a system of oneness and equality, where all life is supported, where all forms are dignified as the life that they are.
No comments:
Post a Comment