Being in sink or being in synch Day 773

One of the things I have encountered in my life is how to carry on a conversation.  I remember my husband asking me this one time.

It would be difficult to carry on a conversation, if one had a lot of memories coming up, with emotional poles, pulling one in a direction. It would cause a lot of dissonance and distraction within the body, as the self tried to ‘ do the math’ of what was within and what was actual without.  The whole idea of making conversation in such an abundant world, is in itself a red flag.  After all, what does ‘ opening a window’ to discovery ‘ mean. Everything that moves us is right here, thus why should there be any form of confusion, especially when a baby is obviously working so hard to take in and realize the patterns of life moving around them? It is the same confusion that creates the belief that having a conversation is difficult. I mean, how can children living in a home where the adults play an instrument learn the same so fast? Is it that they simply take in the movements and see the patterns. They see what is around them. They do the math.  This is natural, what inhibits that is unnatural. How can such a simple thing become such a confusing mess?  

After all, it is known in education that a child, in the past, is not ready for school until they are about 6. just enough of a seven year cycle, for the child to absorb a construction of information,  or a structure to become resonant within the body, for the child to direct themselves. The problem with this, is that the ability to process information also slows down- which means something is not in synch.  That slowing down is an indicator of becoming more of a toxic layered onion of dissonance than a real tree of understanding, meaning a real structural resonance of capacity in retaining a real presence that processes not only a toxic onion but also the practical actions that are effective in being present in the physical reality. If we look, so many of us are not effective in the practical physical reality. We find practical actions difficult, when they always need only small steps that accumulate into getting something done. It is a huge thing to realize what limits one from being what is simply natural.  A real ‘ tree’ of understanding would be the absence of distraction from practical doing, as the real magic is in the doing.  Naturally, on some level, we all know this, thus, the absence of this would build into a self hate. One knows one is discombobulated ! Could it be some form of shadow, projected by the self that is what causes the dissonance of this sound reality? 

About a month ago, I did not realize what it was that I was within, as standing within. I remember leaving an interaction with another person, and thinking “ it was so thick one could cut it with a knife.” I mean, why say, or think something like that?  Why do we tell ourselves what it is that we are being and seeing? Why not follow though and do the math, and realize my/our self created I'm-positions that are actually a separation from this living reality?

I mean, we have things that are for writing out and taking apart our ‘ moods,’ which begs the question as to what a ‘ mood’ is?  Is that ‘ mood’ what is the resonance of what is re-cord-ed within us, that eventually slows down our ability to process what is around us?  What do we use to communicate that? How can that technology, where tech is ‘ skill’ be a formation as a word, as a sound, that one can fill with polarized meanings that as that sound project outside of us, and we search for someone who matches as close as possible the color and signature of that projected thing, as sounds as words,  that are a separation from being grounded and practical and in the presence of this world, of all that is here, as this reality, which is including this physical reality. It is the most simple of things, and yet, that distraction, appears to be so HUGE- lol, what do we mean when we say and elephant is in the room? Can’t run, can’t hide, it is around you, accepted by you, and no one but yourself can clean it up. All the thin-king’s men and all the thin-king’s animals, cannot clean this up, because one must come to recognize one’s thin-king patterns, what generates them, and then forgive them and refocus onto reality. 

I remember a moment where, a few years ago, I became so angry about something, that that anger almost consumed me. I just stopped in one moment and said to myself, ‘ This does nothing, even if I am correct and what I am reacting to is unacceptable.” I just stopped. 

Yesterday, I was talking with someone, and realize that behind me, as me, was this colored torrent flowing down- within me. It was doom and gloom, all in self judgement. It was not about anyone from the present or the past, it was myself as a ‘ state of belief’ as ideas, about me, mostly about me not being good enough. Mostly of and as voices that I am not capable, that I am ‘ too far gone’ , that I am too much this, or too much that etc. etc. . 

Another thing that comes up, in this torrent, rented tower of belief, polarized into blame and spite, is within a group of people, that practiced one thing in one area and another thing in another area. They wanted to ‘ get rid of me’ within something. The forked tongue was at work. I want to feel hurt, and yet another part of me, like a lion wants to roar, and really roar. There have been times in my life, where I have roared, and everything around me stops. My sisters have told me when  do this, it is very powerful and that I do not realize how powerful.  If I take my own words, within this set of posts, as LOOKING, and reactions being a state of self hate, I realize that the resistance was of and as a self hate. Though I have not mastered this, if I realize that life is in reverse, dare I say, I must have much more power than I realize to intimidate a movement of self hate towards me. And yet, a focus on this silly petty game of survival, is not worth moving into. Let it go. I am, on the other side of the world anyway.

I really don’t want to rush and prove something, and I don’t want to carry this with me. I no longer want to follow the crutches of any other mapping system but the physical reality around me. I can only model, as what I have said to classroom children, ‘ the magic is in to doing.” lol, it is probably this same attitude that is so intimidating. 

I notice that if I ‘ sink’ - lol sinking is a sym=phonic with synching! -  within that down-ward spiraling ‘ shadow’ behind me, my back starts to hurt, as though sinking compresses me. And when I stand within this, and acknowledge it, and move to change it, I expand in some way, and the pain does not shoot out. It is somewhat like that state in holding up a violin, for hours, where there is a balance, that creates a state of no tired-ness. One can play for hours without getting tired.  Thus, I either sink or synch! lol

I mean what else is there? 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to always judge movements and things around me, without regard for this reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to focus only on the storm, as a means of protection and defense, to survive, when real survival means seeing here, the practical and physical reality, that is creation in expression, where the means to the end is in plain sight here, and no one and no thing can define who and what I am, outside of the practical, as a value judgement but myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create my own cognitive dissonance as a mind consciousness system of layers,  toxic  and separating as self interested actions only, from who and what I am here as life, that is physical, and that is all around me as me, where all things are me in another life. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am sinking down below others, as an idea that I lack capacity, when the part of me that can see this colored difference is the same part of me that can resolve this difference and reform it, to realize a synchronicity with who and what I am as a physical beingness on a physical planet, that is creation information,  as what is real is in plain sight, thus I can blame no one and only stand in equity with what is real as the physical here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear loosing something, as what this resonant math, as a composition of value judgements is and does as an idea - logo only, is fear, which is not here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use innocence on one level, to hide behind, which has a color, of and as “ I have not seen this before’ and a ‘why have I not seen this before’ which already presupposes a value as a self definition of ignorance, that then compounds into ‘ I am not enough’ which has a value of and as “ I am supposed to be something already’ etc. and so it spins and I am so busy with this that I miss reality, and for this I forgive myself.

Within this, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want a gain, as to want a more, as to have judged something as being more, and moving into absorbing this more to be a more from a point of believing I am less, that then races towards a more- than, all a movement in separation from being here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to sink within and as me, as this, as the cognitive attention dis-order creating dissonance is myself in separation from being practical, focused and present, in respect of this living reality here, that is physical. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abdicate myself as life, into and as this state of dissonance composed of value judgements, distracting myself from being in synch with what is in plain sight as the physical which is creation here, that is the same as me, as all is life, and thus myself in another life, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand , from another memory, of myself in elementary school, where the words and the sounds, suddenly started to become this soup in front of me, as they moved around, as though it was something outside of myself, yet it was myself in isolation as this, and this sense of things suddenly moving around, like soup, is myself in a soup, which is a kind of looseness, and the memory itself, myself lost in a mind consciousness system, already in separation from being focused and grounded here,  thus, I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself acknowledging that which can be seen and touched, sensed and realized as a projection accepted and allowed by the self, and thus, not who and what I am here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how this physical becomes manifest, as a movement within me, that resonates through the physical, asa subtle down turning of the sides of my mouth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand this physical movement in and as the sides of my mouth, turning into a kind of pout, as a down turning, as a physical expression of sinking down, as not being enough, as hopelessness, as what is before me being too much, all an illusion, and not being in a balance, being effective, being present, being in synch as being in respect of this physical reality, that is an expression of and as creation as life, all around me, as the equal sound of creation, balanced, light, and always here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand, with hindsight, this not to be taken as a given, given that memory warps and changes, that when and as I moved into a state recognizing this ‘ sinking’ within and as me, I can not remember moving myself out of it, as though an interruption is always present in that moment, like a blocking distraction for me to not see realize and understand that movement within and as me, here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to embrace this part of me, this character of and as me, that I have created, that I allow to be built, that I composed from judgement, and to encompass this, to place this sinking into synch with this living, expressing, balanced in what does not harm and takes what is good, to respect the practical here, as this living reality that is me, and that is the same as me, thus I take things back to myself and realize what I would want for myself, as I have enjoyed being given such moments myself.

When and a s I find myself sinking, and the sides of my mouth sinking down, I stop, and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I remember myself to what matters as this life, this physical reality that is creation in expression, here.

When and as I find my physical body moving to sink, as the sides of my mouth, I stop, I slow down, I breath, I embrace the energy as  value judgements, and ground myself in the practical matter of and as creation as the physical, and I LOOK here, to realize synchronicity with and as who and what I am as expression of and as life as the creation all around me that is me, here.

When and as I find myself becoming a soup, as a loopyness within myself, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I ground myself in effective movement of and as the principle of equality and oneness, as doing no harm, as considering all things as me, in all ways, to be in respect of and as who and what I am, to stand in grace here, to be humble, calm, steady, present, available, in joy - as being in awe of here, as being grateful of life as who and what  I am as the real matter here. 

When and as I find myself turning down within and as me, as my thoughts, and as the down turning of the sides of my mouth, I stop, I breath, I slow down to move to embrace the sinking I am allowing, as value judgements, and I focus on the practical, the physical, as this creation as reality here. to see, realize and understand and have fun and be grateful for this opportunity to express who and what I am as I am life. 

Day 698 I love words. Yet not in the way I think.

I have been told that I am, or have loved, to be intellectual. Yet, this being true to some extent, it never really quite fit.  I loved words in many ways. I loved it when someone said something in a different way. I could read very badly written books just to hear how the person said something. Here, in contrast, I have so-called educated friends that could not read a book that was badly written.  Thus, by contrast, I was not only, as another way to say this, interested in well written books, I could read and listen to people who were not so polished in their use of words.  I had learned that even unsophisticated word use could have, in relation to myself, undiscovered insight and perspective. Because of this, I did not see myself as an intellectual. Through a measure of not only reading some collectively accepted ‘ well written or spoken “ word usage, I did not place myself in being ‘ intellectual.”  Amazing how I can justify resisting one point through one degree of difference! lol Yet, this is also a misplaced creative ability, an ability to absorb and discern measure.  This is a great strength turned within, inverting things within only, and as a consequence completely separate from reality, from the physical, from including reference to all life. 

In a moment, I realized how I had used words as a shield, creating a personality. In that moment, there was that personality, like a projection of an idea, to protect me ( from?) as loving words. By extension this is loving information.  I created a protective wall of words. There I was standing behind the words. In that moment, my whole voice and presence changed, like a mirage being removed, or being seen. I can’t do that anymore.  It is to say that I always gave from a point of self protection, which is self interest, and never gave of myself.  My survival came first. 

So, I ask myself, have I listened to words to protect myself, or have I listened to words to see through the veiled constructions of others in lack or in a seeming polished word use?  And, by extension,  have I been a seeker and a lover of information,? The difference is so subtle, yet both exist, and they are an occupation, separating me from myself, from being present here.  It is no wonder I have not been able to open my heart and give of myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to love words in self interest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use words in protection and self defense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create a personality, a persona of words, charging words with a value in and of themselves.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that words are a means of communication, never being the reality around me as the physical, the real information that is creation information.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that if I do not have the words I do not understand, thereby getting caught up in such a belief, and missing what is right here in front of me, as the physical, where words are the means of men to communicate and order themselves within.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to make idols of words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a dictionary lacking reference to life, as the physical, the real information of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to cling to words as a means of getting attention.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that part of me that forms the words,

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to over time, lose myself in words, and separate myself from being grounded, here, equal with what is real, as the physical, as who and what I am before any words came to be the means of communication as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into self pity, like a rain coming down, from my mind, like the death of an idea, as something I have allowed to limit the expression of myself as life, and to feel shame, and regret, as this is more of the same, as myself in separation from being present here, respecting everything that is here as the physical world, thus instead of self pity, and shame and regret, it is to ground myself here, standing up as who and what  I am as a physical beingness in expression here.

Within this, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am not enough.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that my words are not enough, when it is not the words it is what and who I am in relation to the words I speak.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to remember myself to the physical in every moment, in every breath, the very infrastructure of here, as this earth, as this hearth, as this heart of and as me, being grounded in reality as the physical, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become like the stars in the sky, emerging from the darkness, as being the real potential of myself as life, in expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as an inflated value system, charged with resistances and acceptances as value judgements about the physical, in protection and defense of my own fear of being life, in a mind consciousness system of limited ideas, opinions and beliefs, hidden in the labels  and idols of gender, culture, race, nationality, class, religion.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hide through the use of words, in ritual, tradition, and testimonials about reality without real investigation that I have accepted and allowed without question and without cross reference to the practical, as the physical reality that is me, before any and all ideas, beliefs and opinions I accept and allow to define me, and to instead remember being present and grounded, in respect of the infrastructure of and as the physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how the present system is the same as me,  using constructs of and as words to create a legal fiction supporting a military industrial complex of protection and defense, using the economy of the ecology that is the means of life  to hold in place constructs of beliefs , opinions and ideas, creating rituals, ceremonies and testaments  that one thing is more than another, all in separation from reality as the physical.

When and as I find myself beginning to speak, I stop and I breath, and I ground myself here, slowing way down, to assess my starting point.

When and as I find myself beginning to speak, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I remember the physical the practical, here.

When and as I find myself using words, within and without, I slow way down, breath and ground myself here, remembering my feet on the ground, and all that is here as the physical, the trees, the animals, the plants, the planets, the air, the water, the soils, the birds, the dogs, the cats, the horses etc.

When and as I find myself placing myself into and as words, I stop, I breath, I slow myself way down, to accept and allow the physical as me, here.

When and as I find myself moving to express words, I stop, I assess reality, I ground myself, here,   I let go of the past, as what I have accepted and allowed, and I stand here.

When and as I find myself reacting to words, I stop and I breath, and I sort them out here, grounding them here, bringing resistances, jealousies, limitations here, relating ideas, beliefs and opinions as words, to the physical, as reality, as the practical, here. 

When and as I find myself becoming tense, within and as my chest area, and my physical body, I stop and I breath, I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, no longer accepting and allowing a projection of words as a wall of defense, to realize the simple in the moment, as I am here, in this moment.

When and as I find myself  reacting to limitation, to resistance, to justification, to jealousy, I stop and I breath and I ground myself in the infrastructure of the physical, to live what is practical, here, realizing what does no harm, here.

When and as I find myself becoming a personality of words, of loving words, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, equal and one to the physical, in respect of life, here.

When and as I find myself moving as words only, I stop and I breath, and I ground myself here, to see realize and understand the physical, to understand life, which is physical through a cross reference of the life that surrounds me and is me as the physical.

When and as I find myself listening to words I see, realize and understand that I can hear the subtle articulations and pressures of values pulled into greater emphasis or lack of being processed, the tapering off of sound, the clutter of justification, and I see realize and understand that no matter what, the words are in the end a reflection of reality, a type of song in chaos, of and about the physical and yet they are the seeds of creation, as words are things and they are sound. 

Day 548 Personalities within a group meeting.

I notice three personalities come up this past week, and I have had a tension headache ever since.

One was a projection into the future, a desire to make some headway, the second was a  past personification of failure, as in fear of making a mistake, and the third was a dislike for a certain figure in the group which was based on a fear of not being listened to by a position of authority.

Within this, I notice a subsequent physical symptom returning.

I had to slow down and breath, realizing that I was present to take one step forward only. This was accomplished. So, why am I allowing this reaction within?

First, I realize it was not a situation/scenario to accomplish an expectation I had within myself. So, I can let this go. But the reaction I had within myself is the issue.

The thought was that I did not know how to approach these people, and within this, I became anxious, even though I told myself that I was there to meet people and nothing else. This was simply a step to another step, which ended up working out.

The meeting was not exactly what I had been told the meeting was, so there was this as well, which was okay. There ended up being a speaker who talked most of the time, and not too long after many people left. 

Even though I used some common sense, still there was this personification of myself feeling like I did not know how to speak with others.

As long as I am wanting to achieve a goal and measure myself within having completed the goal, I missed realizing all the steps in between and so, jumped ahead of myself, overwhelmed myself and was not present in the moment. 

I noticed that I had back chat about the people who were present and wanted to blame them for my uncertainty. So, I slowed down and breathed, and realized that my mind will miss-steps within a process, and if I allow myself to follow the measure of my mind, I think only of myself, and not only separate myself from common sense, but also, create my own friction within communication with others. This is the survival me, the person who wants to succeed. And then in my mind I am like the hissing of a snake instead of looking at practical reality.

I also noticed another personality, one that blamed myself, jumping into a conclusion that I cannot communicate, burdening myself with a feeling of un-worth. But here, the polar opposite of the righteous character,  I was not of equal measure to common sense, to space and time. Within this, I can only realize how the physical works and the measure of separation that is in others that is the same as myself, in a world where men have a cognitive map, an abstract composed of bits and pieces of aspects of practical reality, that are racing within as mind, a composition of limited measure of what is real, the physical world, a suit of hierarchy.

Then, facing the “authority” in the room. Here, based on my past, I wanted to avoid talking with this person, because I believed that one mis-step and all communication would be dismissed and cut off. 

This is myself being doom and gloom based on an idea from a past that I am allowing to define me, and it's not myself in common sense here. So many times I imagine things before they happen, and I am so busy imagining them that I either do not prepare, as some situations need some preparation, or am embarrassed and/or surprised when my idea is not the outcome.

I have lived long enough to know this is true, so I have countered this at times. But, here I was on this day, in a moment, separating from just being practical and enjoying myself. 

So, when I find myself in such a situation, I have to slow down, breath, and realize that as a physical being on a physical formation as what life would be, that I can be here, in common sense of how the physical works. I need not fear what is in separation from common sense of practical physical reality, because in essence what we all seek is right here, right in front of us, and this is the same that allows one to walk through the eye of the needle, which is to be equal and one with and as the physical which simply means to be equal in measure and thus respectful of common sense to the way and the means of life, which is the physical world.

(And, this is in common sense, I mean one does not walk into some of the consequences of a system of inequality, a system of survival that is abusing the gift of life that is the physical world). 

Day 460 and 461 Peer Pressure from Grade School to Work Environment

In the last week I have been thinking about what it is like to be in school, especially grade school. As a child and as an adult working with children. The peer pressure. 

I recently talked with a group of teachers, who are, a peer group in essence. I realize that the same pressures exist even at this level. We all have this peer pressure, in groups of people being paid at a job. The peer pressure in a musical group is the same. A lot of competition goes on. Each person weighing and measuring one another, essentially being in fear that someone else is going to get attention or recognition, or that promotion. As my children went through school, sometimes I even encountered this with teachers. For example, one time there was a field trip and the teacher who did not have her students for the class because they were away for the day an the filed trip for another class, were held responsible for the time missed. This teacher even said she felt that the other classes going on field trips was unfair because her subject, or so she believed, did not lend itself to field trips. 

Imagine our children in a school with this going on.

If one child is worrying about what someone thinks about them because they fear losing some imagined status based on some societal morality then how are they going to learn, be able to focus on what they are learning?

If we learn what we do, meaning if we take in our environment and accumulate experiences that then define our character, would such a child not grow up having learned this fear? And then, unless this is cleared up, would this not continue in the work place?  IN essence it is a hall of mirrors as oneself comparing oneself to others incessantly based on values of what is proper and not proper, an thus what is right and wrong and thus what is more than and less than. And some ideological idea is directing and this, if one chooses to really look, is ambiguous to put it mildly. Let the rotating spinning mirrors of memory match begin because this is what is going on. If we take the time to look at ourselves, will we find that what we chase has any real validity, as the total play of this, which begins in elementary school?  And does this so consume our living that we miss actually directing ourselves in ways that support that potential we can all see in our children? No, this behavior does not support us. And it does not support our children, and our children become what is placed before them in this world. And so the game goes around and around and around. And so involved in this are those who live where this spins, that realizing what is happening in this world is ignored. Here I want to think of the word GREED and the “G” and the word “ reed” as in this total formation of us as self into these survival behaviors, is each of us “REED”ing ego, the separation into a lesser self as an enegy dissipating non-looking state of being in measure as judgement instead of directive support of the physical life around us in ways that support expression and understanding of this world to a full potential as all life on earth being at ease and in joy of life, instead of this combat that we are allowing ourselves to exist as, that I am pointing out within the peer pressure in groups. 

If one is busy being this, being this reactive behaviors that are in essence a fear of loss based on some ambiguous idea, how can what is actually happening within what is being done be realized fully? If our attention is divided, and the division of our attention is on ambiguous ideas how can we be paying attention to what is actually happening in this world. And is this behavior not one of fear? Fear being that feeling of vertigo, that fear of loss, that ominous presence that blinds and causes us to say things we know are lies, we know are in self interest, we know are petty spiteful constructions as our focus that cause discord more than any real solution in a way that is supportive to the environment in total. IN all common sense how is this peer combat beneficial?  

I guess the real question is, if you were surrounded by your peers would you openly admit to having acted in such ways? Probably not, because you fear your peer using this against you at another time. To admit that we have been spiteful is to admit that we have been weak. And we do not want anyone within our work environment to know this because why? I mean why do this? what purpose does this serve other than a fear of losing something? Even if someone points out that we are all doing this, we kind of want that person to disappear because our fear is so great that even admitting it at work, is seemingly deadly. 

Now, you are at home and surrounded by your children, and you have this “ energy” within you. Do you not think that this is being picked up by your children, these absorbent beings? Don’t you remember your parents being standoffish sometimes, or irritable? Both of these behaviors are not being clear, honest and supportive of what allows everyone to be stable and productive, absolutely focused here. And if we are not focused here then how is the measure, the real measure of our work? It cannot be all encompassing can it? No. And our children are imitating this because this is what is their environment and this is what children do, they pick up and become what is presented to them. So, the only choice is to be self honest. In the end each parent is responsible for their behavior, because the children will pick it up.

I had an adult friend that came to me and told me to not hide an event that happened in my life from my children. She had had the same event happen, and she was the child in the drama at the time. She said that for years she felt that something was being hidden, something was not being said, and that she spent time trying to find out what was not being said. The whole scenario confused and occupied her, and obviously did not lend any kind of understanding. None of this behavior lends itself to learning how to be clear and supportive of life here, as a physical world. It is more an act of moving around, determining our movement based on some “ if looked at” ambiguous idea that bears no witness to actual productive and supportive living.

And what is all this, a belief in a good and a bad, a belief that one thing is more than another. Such does not in the end see what actually exists, especially because it creates no stability. The attention deficit dis-order is not paying attention to the functioning of physical reality. I mean, the physical is how we are here, not that idea spinning around in one’s mind. This is why consciousness cannot exist without the physical world. We have placed the cart before the horse - so to speak.

So, we need to realize that our fears are unfounded, make no sense in a physical world that can be ordered to support us. It is our fear that has created only more fear, so much so that what has manifested is a system of division into ideas of one thing being more than another, when this is the illusion, as what is the gift is simply being an expression of life, here. Fear is a disconnect from the physical reality, as what works as the physical is the expression of life. As such, it is to become equal to the physical in thought word and deed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear that a peer will call me stupid, or dumb, or reprimand me, not seeing realizing and understanding that any name I am called can be examined in common sense and either corrected within and as what would create absolute stability in and as a physical world that supports all life as the value is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I need to fear my peers and what a peer might say about me, be it another kid in my class, or be it a colleague at work, or be it a boss, or be it a sibling, or be it an in-law.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that real competition is about supporting one another to become the best each can be as when each is the best they can be than all are the best they can be thus the only choice is to support all life to be and become the best it can be.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I need to fear the judgement of another, and within this to not stop and breath and realize that a fear of judgement is a fear of loss, thus there is always the solution to see, realize and understand the ambiguity of a fear of loss and to realize within this that the present system is a consequence of judgement as a fear of loss as a system built on ideas of a good and a bad, which is not a movement in consideration of physical substance as existence, that which balances life in expression because what works supports all life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to worry about being less than another, because in and as this, all development in a physical world is a process of walking the ordinary into the creation of being life here as what we are, thus it is the building of life from step by step ordinary steps into what becomes the gift, the extraordinary gift of life as physical beings, thus as we are all parts of the construct of sound as life as the physical the only choice is to be what is best for all as we are all of same substance as physical beings as life, thus the garden of eden was being life as physical expression of sound as life, from nothing to something, a movement into being, the only event that creates life, and so it is movement as from silence into sound as silence moving that builds as parts and become forms as the evolution of sound into form which builds step by step into a physical earth, and thus this is the gift, where each must realize that it is simply being here as physical form enabling each to be here, thus the petty judgements of a fear of loss are self in separation from life, into a polarity show having accepted and allowed a division from what is constant as the sound substance of life as the movement into being from nothing to something.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that a belief in something being lost is myself in separation from myself as life and thus myself as common sense as life as the substance of what I am here, thus you are me, I am you, we are each other in another life, here, which makes our system of inequality a death sentence unless we stand and order this world into what realizes itself to be and become the joy of life as expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that allowing myself to fear judgement by my peers is myself inFEARior to life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that the judgement of another is an end game, meaning what is proclaimed is “ etched in stone” when that stone is composed of the substance of life, as life, and changes its form within a different rhythm and that that change is a process but remains the movement of life, and humans are the same.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that a judgement is definitive not seeing realizing and understanding that life does not remain stagnant unless I accept and allow my past to define me here- my past present here as limited ideas taught which some would call a morality in a bubble, as what another judges me in and as is not a directive but just a statement that simply points something out in a moment thus the judgement does not define me as what I am as life, able to use common sense and within the principle of what is best for all give direction that is what establishes what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I become fearful I am in essence applying my own moral limitations taught from a competitive survival system that acts out through peer group pressure, and as such I am existing in supporting my own limitations which manifest as touting my own limitations, a form of resistance to changing my own limited consciousness that is in separation from and made larger than actual physical reality, and as this what I resist persists and consumes the very flesh of me as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be supportive of my own limitations through not directing my own accepted and allowed ambiguities back into common sense of physical reality, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand my limitations are my own touted protection and defense mechanisms as belief as ideas, as myself resisting change, as I object as thought word and deed and bully this as reality fearing to see my own accepted and allowed limitations learned from day one, which must be seen as what I allow to define me that is in essence a separation from common sense, and as this i must realize that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a walking projection of limitation, and as this, I am walking in a community of walking projections of limitation that is the friction and conflict that manifests as peer pressure, in all a limitation of being equal and one to and as life here, which the children imitate as this is what is presented to life as children, and the solution is to self realize as life, as the substance of life and to forgive the limitations and to realize that equality and oneness to and as life as the physical is the only choice.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that when and as i become my own limitation, I constrict within and as my human physical body, I in other words, tense up within and as this, become defensive, as in touting what it is that i believe, and as such here, i stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand that such state of limitation is a protection, a defense, that in itself is the crying of my own limitation and as such can be seen and, as breath, slowed down, to apply the principle of what is best for all, to begin to direct myself within and as what equalizes myself with what is best for all as the physical world that is the expression of life here, and as I breath and apply the principle of what is best for all, I begin to move at ease, as the application of what is best for all is the application of solution to and as being equal and one to what builds understanding of physical reality that which is and thus supports all life here, absolutely the gift if life.

When and as I find myself using ideology of a limited morality as a belief, opinion and /or idea, I stop and I breath and I investigate within and as the principle of what is best for all, through realizing how the mind works as consciousness, and how I allow ideas as consciousness to be the program of my human physical body in thought word and deed that causes reactions of self as self limitation that cause a disconnect from equal and one communication of what supports life absolutely, as what supports all life to be and become a full expression of life is what supports myself to be and become a full expression of life, this manifest being a heaven on earth, a state of ease within and as self, where no matter where I walk on earth, no matter within who’s shoes I walk, I walk at ease as a physical being as this is respect of life, as the physical is life.

When and as I go into protection and defense, a sense of vertigo or confusion or inner pressure , or heat within my physical self - as in realizing i am not taking in the words of others or am wanting to push away or negate what another speaks - I stop and I breath, and I see, realize and understand that I am reacting in support of my own limitations, my own bubble of a learned morality, and I slow down and I apply the principle of what is best for all, and I direct through bringing the limitation,  as resistance as objection back into what supports all life, realizing that which orders this world into and as what supports all life, what equalizes myself to and as what is best for all, here.

When and as I am limitation as objection that is resistance, I stop and I breath, whether this is within or without, direct or indirect, I stop and I breath, and I apply the principle of what is best for all, and I correct in self forgiving the limitation learned, my own morality, and I direct within realizing thought words and deeds that support the physical.

When and as I find myself directing as idea, as thought word and deed as consciousness, as limitation, as objection in self interest, as resistance to and as changing myself as consciousness as mind as idea, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I apply the principle of what is best for all, realizing my own programmed limitation that has been going on for generations, and I bring myself here, through breath, to the physical, to self correct with the tool of self forgiveness, breathing and corrective application within the principle of what is best for all, realizing that this is best for self, here.

When and as I find myself inFEARior to life, I stop and I breath and I realize that this is myself as mind, as consciousness built from the limited ideas, beliefs and opinions of hierarchy, of pyramid formation  as ponzi scheme and I stop and I breath and I align myself to what is the very support of myself as idea as mind as limitation, as objection, as resistance, and I stop, and I breath and I forgive myself self aggrandizement in self interest within a belief as ego, as energy, as polarity of good and bad, right and wrong, and I self forgive myself such limited judgements as thought, emotion and feeling based on good and bad as this separation that is limitation that is learned that is fear of life, and I apply the principle of what is best for all, as what is the giving of myself as i would life to receive as respect for physical existence - that which is life in expression - and I investigate within and as what allows self movement within walking the ordinary steps into creating a human being, that becomes an expression of life, equal and one to and as the physical world being a world that supports life absolutely, as this is enjoying the process of equality and oneness to and as life as this is the process that accumulates into and as the extraordinary expression of life, here.

The process of self alignment to equality and oneness to and as life as the physical, as earth through self forgiveness, writing and corrective application. DIP Lite ; Process Life FREE