A dream coat of a mind-consciousness projection Day 777

If I want presence of and as all things, I have to become that presence. This means I have to hear the life around me as the physical reality.  Facing the metaphysical bubbles of self interest, that move as a colored energetic emotional swirl, visible in the subtle and visible strings pulling the flesh this way and that, are but small, in comparison to this living practical and physical reality. Ever present, if what is unique - lol ‘uni-que’ is like one quest, self honesty. . If I fear that, I am fearing myself, because despite the mannered values that are monopolistic, there, is always something unique that cannot hide, in each individual. If that remains constant, despite the separation into persona, can I realize myself within and reacting to bringing that forward? 

I write here, to script things out, to see where I am, and to construct ‘ takes’ in my process of birthing life into the physical. I realize, in learning how to crawl, there will be mis-takes. they are always gifts towards balance. It is learning to play an instrument. 

I watched a video of someone this week. In the situation I had been half listening to a person speaking, as the focus in the interaction had  changed from one thing to another. While I was busy transitioning, I moved, in the room, towards a video. My presence was still in the previous moment. I saw the person in the video, in the whole context from another lens. The person appeared to me to be someone I know, who I have watched on videos many many times. Form that lens I thought, why does this person in the present video have a flattened nose! lol, that was the thought that came up, from a presence colored with immediate comparison of past forms imposing themselves on the moment. Not necessarily a ‘ bad’ , yet myself not immediately present. When I moved closer to the video, and the person came more into focus, as did I, what I could see is the movements of the person I had delegated to the image in my mind, and what was in the forefront as I picked up more details of the physical movements in the person in the video. It was like a morphing of many different things; my experiences, from many dimensions, at a distance of experiences to more self understood ticks in my own movements. The person in the video became their own person, and appeared like a kind of puppet, moved by many emotions. This hit me so hard, it appeared so extreme. I recognized some of my own patterns. All I can say is that when it is said we walk in a valley of smoke and mirrors, known as emotions and feelings, based on beliefs, opinions and ideas, as accumulated thoughts creating actions and deeds, we are doing this, and it is extreme. Yet, at the same time, it is so small, a tiny part of ourselves. Though this is as far as I got, because to say I sense what the wholeness might be, I cannot, too in focus on the techno colored swirling in the flesh, was I. It is like ‘ oh shit!” lol.

I have a tendency to move to the greater stage, as the world platform, perhaps to avoid seeing my own self.  I find bringing the movements of the larger scale, in relation to my immediate environment helpful. As though understanding something from a distance helps me to face myself.  And yes, this is the same game as the use of metaphor. The parables, as the symbols, the objects made subject, enable me to begin to realize what I adhere to as reaction, that can then be brought back to self. Like backwards analysis. Is this a form of hiding? 

The practical application, the solution is always right here. The power is too or more in my name, as what calling something out by name, bring the obvious here, and makes it re-cognizable in what it is. Calling things out by name, removes the control of them because it is through lack that things become confusing, and this, accepted by the self, because reality is always right here. This is how the whole public school, be design, is the means of the creation of cognitive dissonance, which because of its starting point to be such, has created, as accumulated into such, as we see all around us, in reality, in every town, as the growing cognitive disorders, known as ADHD, ADD, autism and dyslexia. It is a processing disorder, done by acceptance and allowance, done by design. Memorizing the stories of the victors, creates a interference of form, distracting from the practical, and causing a disconnect from real capacity, which is an acknowledgement of capacity. It is the maintenance of creating bubbles of information to direct the person, causing mis-takes in practical living. Cognitive dissonance is acknowledgment of separation. It is like being stuck in rudimentary learning, or RULE I MENTally have acclimated to and as that directs me, where what I was in the box, of sounded storied information, does not fit into the real math as the living and breathing world around me. After all, we all admit that we need to get back to nature, which is the admission that we need to INCLUDE all things, as the physical. Our segmented rulings, as our beliefs, that we have habituated to the extent they are more real than what is here, is a interference math, that does not fit into the sound of life, that is all things around us. We need to wake up all of who and what we are.  We need to play the instrument of and as who and what we are here.

Okay, so I am watching this video, of this person, and I am astounded by the moving and swirling self directing beliefs, within this person. I begin to sort, to find some grounding. It is from here, that I realized to look for what is eternal, and yet, realize, to some degree, I avoid because it means really looking at myself. Yet, as the same time, because I am of mankind,  I find myself somewhat overwhelmed. As a man, having information is calming. On a quantum level, things move in quantum ways, meaning one does not learn one part to then add, one must being many parts into balance; clarifying more, also clarifies what yet needs to become more focused. Meaning , I can focus on the lack ONLY, or I can realize, as well, the sense of being in calm the capacity to realize information lends. 

Reacting this to another event this week, brings forward how much in reaction I can allow myself to get lost within, was a meeting where a person constantly used endearments when speaking with others. Meaning, her frames of information - which were interesting and insightful- were always framed with ‘ honey’, or ‘ dear’ or ‘ sweetie.’ I find such annoying, because it is not real endearment, it is endearment used to soften a person before making a statement. Effective in some ways, distracting in others. It presupposes a deeper connection, it is like giving a present to place a person in ‘ giving mode,’ before one has any idea of what one agrees to and towards. Yet this is my take on it, despite it being an obvious tool of control of protection. It cannot determine who and what I am unless I allow it. Within this, I could feel the pull, the polarizing as the sound as the words of value judgments coming forward. I was both aware of the device, annoyed by it, and the movement within me, of and as the lending of pity for me, in a way. I responded within me as realizing the self pity I accepted and allowed.  It is being pulled into a personification, to change the narrative and never allow it to move beyond a certain framework. What is real, might just be uncovered. Since hate is always self hate, meaning we know we are not being responsible, self responsible,  wanting acknowledgement of my own self pity, is like being told , “ it is okay, yes it is sad.” and then not moving into introspection and self correction. Yet, this is the mode in which we are stuck! This is how limitation is used to suppress a state of being where there are no problems only solutions, in this physical and practical world. This is the story of a mind consciousness of separation, in plain sight. 

Dare I LOOK at what is eternal, and stand here? This means, DARE I LOOK at myself? DARE I process this reality, no longer being effected by a false morality composed of limitation, as the game of good and evil instead of respecting life that is physical, to realize what does no harm? There is no other choice. 

If I look at taxation, I can see everything we do in this reality with a construct of legal means is imposed as accepted, as the starting point is ourselves, creating the ending point/construct. We are living in ‘ going to the movies’ mode, where we pay to watch our own disassociation of ourselves. In order for that tax - to live- to end, each must accept this life. The gift is that sense one gets when enough information is realized to lend a sense of clear self direction, because we are happy, truly happy when we are effectively engaged, and unhappy when we are not. 

I can become present here, remain steady with here. My projections are okay, as I can recognize them and ground them. I can see the valley of good and evil, superimposed on the physical, like a swirling techno colored DREAM coat, using metaphor and parable to hide within itself, through distraction of a storied mis-information in separation and of fragmented knowledge and information made larger than reality as the physical. LOL, when will we realize that this was done by the supposed reptilians, and was a further intensifying of what we had allowed within ourselves, thus there is no one to blame and no reptilians doing anything to us, as it could only be done through acceptance. Time to respect the living, breathing, physical reality as who and what we really are here. As life, we are untouchable. As personality, we are walking death of life.

The pressure of thin-king on the heart Day 774

What does it mean to stand as a word that is grounded and aware of itself, in relation to considering all things?

How does on have  a command as a faith in who and what one is as a starting point as what is constant and here, in all ways?

At present, I feel like I am perpetually on the verge of getting sick. As though there is a war within me, where I move into fear, as a belief that things are impossible, and yet, sense that going there is not the place to go. I look at what I am allowing and remember the practical, having more of a command in who and what I am, as a respect of the practical as a real relationship and respect of the physical being real faith.

Somehow, bringing segmented things here, as parts of realization within the patterns of forms around me, is a way to make what is seemingly metaphysical more a reality of and as how the physical works, and how separation into ego is reflected in the segments of processes and things around me. It is like bringing a story here, and making it practical and obvious, making it acceptable.

It is making what is ignored big and making the means of ignorance small. A kind of reversal, a reversing.  And it means remaining steady within this.

It is changing the image of perception, reducing what is inflamed, and deflating it, via bringing segments of recognition together as creating a ordinariness as a sequence of steps that show the illusion of conscious projections resisting the practical, and how an absence of realizing the practical is the problem that reveals the solution.

I am , in real time, procrastinating within and as my annual spring task of washing all the windows of my house. It is a simple thing. It takes a persistence as a measure that is annual, nothing more , nothing less. And yet, I find myself hesitating. In some ways this is happening in my world at the moment. 

It is a reflection as a hesitation of being and living and moving as the process of de-segmenting what is fractionalized that is the hyperbolized values that must be segmented into a practice that grounds in being focused in this reality- seeing with clear eyes, how a separation consciousness is something that can be grounded into actions and expressions that realize an intimacy that is self empowering in creating real and effective awareness of and as self direction that is sustainable and constant. 

To use parables, the residual dust on my windows, need not be made larger than life, just as I self realize the segments of recognition need not be made as separate as they may seem, as they can be brought together to make the imaginary less a separation from the practical and more in-line with an awareness of what it means to create stable and present focus on what is real, as this physical reality.  

It is really a matter of remaining in the practical, recognizing my own projections into value judgements. What appears to easy and so habituated to move into, is a separation from the practical consciousness that only the self, as me, accepted and allowed, and not what is here and what I would really want, as the tension as the focus onto a form of blame, that is myself hating myself for not having remained within who and what I am as life, which is realizing the substance of life, that is me, that is all around me here. 

That spin, of limited values - it is like it creates this vortex of and as another plain of existence, that is an inversion of myself away from being here, being present. It is, also, that I realize when I am doing this. We all realize we are doing this. Meanwhile what is real is right here, to be discovered as being equal to what creates, here.

Somehow, this all moves around as the heart, which would fit within what we have been told, as to realize what when we are present here, taking in what is here, without judgement, and with realizing presence in form and function, and resolving it, as being living solutions that move in ways that allow no harm, as taking what is good and transforming it into a change that is best for all. It is like there is an author as a dictate, pressing down from my mind, composed of a limited morality that is built of polarized values, instead of giving as I would receive, which is what is best for myself. Reminds me of hearing a really clear performance, where the presence in the notes as the space was so ‘ fulfilled’ that every relationship as connection was solid, making a sound that was really clear and tight- as I wold say it. And, with no ‘ manner’ attached. I have probably heard that once in my life - to that degree anyway! 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move into resistance, to move into not seeing realizing and understanding that resistance is rejection, is denial, is protection and self defense, within and as an idea of a loss as who and what I have allowed myself to be in separation from the reality of who and what I am which is physical, as the physical is what withstands the test of time, and what is therefor creation manifest, in expression of and as life. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that that which is desired to be owned, done with slight-of-hand as paper castles of legal manpulations, that mirror the same as what I have accepted and allowed within in and as me, and which reveal that what is moved to grab as physical resources, makes plain that what is real is the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not look here, to not realize the depth of the dearth of my own accepted and allowed rejection of myself as life here, and the degree of separation into polarized values as judgements as dogma as belief, creating imaginations metaphysical, and the implications thereof that have caused harm towards life, must be reversed with awareness and practical application as that which respects all things here, to birth life on earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not take back the joy of being life, meaning to be present in consideration of all things here, and to within this practice recognizing my own cognitive dissonance - self accepted and created- as I was the child that was not born with religion and political dogma, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how much the very movements of and as me, reveal to me, my own ignorance of this reality.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stand one and equal to what is in plain sight, and what is the means of life as the physical here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become in recognition of the movements within and as me, as tension and conflict, confusion and fear, to see realize and under this stand as myself moving in self interest, instead of remaining grounded within and as the fullness of life all around me that is physical and present and always in plain sight here.

When and as I find myself tensing up, within and as me, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I see realize and cross reference, in practical step by step application to realize the beliefs, ideas, and opinions as thought, pushing down on my heart, where I create a kind of vortex, of blame and spite, protection and defense, in fear of punishment as a belief in survival, to reverse this, through self forgiveness and practical application of and as real focus on what is here, as the physical.

When and as I find myself tensing up, as pressure of and as thoughts, onto my chest area, leading to and manifest as the down turning of the sides of my mouth, I stop, I breath, I assess, as investigate what I am accepting and allowing within and as me, to reform, to focus here, and reverse, as verse, within and as me as a focus, with practical applications, what is best for all, as this is what is best for life.

When and as I find myself tensing up, as creating an entity of separation, a fragment of reality, as a value judgement, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I ground myself in calm, to asses, in breath to realize in practice a con-science of and as the tech of who and what I am, an awareness of all things, to realize what is a movement of and as what is best for all, to listen to the physical, here.

When and as I find myself looking within and as me, as the ideas, beliefs and opinions I have allowed to habituate within and as me as an imagined dogma, creating by design a limitation, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand the practice of presence in this reality, as respecting all things, opening my heart to here, to become steady in expressing myself as life, as who and what I am here.

Being in sink or being in synch Day 773

One of the things I have encountered in my life is how to carry on a conversation.  I remember my husband asking me this one time.

It would be difficult to carry on a conversation, if one had a lot of memories coming up, with emotional poles, pulling one in a direction. It would cause a lot of dissonance and distraction within the body, as the self tried to ‘ do the math’ of what was within and what was actual without.  The whole idea of making conversation in such an abundant world, is in itself a red flag.  After all, what does ‘ opening a window’ to discovery ‘ mean. Everything that moves us is right here, thus why should there be any form of confusion, especially when a baby is obviously working so hard to take in and realize the patterns of life moving around them? It is the same confusion that creates the belief that having a conversation is difficult. I mean, how can children living in a home where the adults play an instrument learn the same so fast? Is it that they simply take in the movements and see the patterns. They see what is around them. They do the math.  This is natural, what inhibits that is unnatural. How can such a simple thing become such a confusing mess?  

After all, it is known in education that a child, in the past, is not ready for school until they are about 6. just enough of a seven year cycle, for the child to absorb a construction of information,  or a structure to become resonant within the body, for the child to direct themselves. The problem with this, is that the ability to process information also slows down- which means something is not in synch.  That slowing down is an indicator of becoming more of a toxic layered onion of dissonance than a real tree of understanding, meaning a real structural resonance of capacity in retaining a real presence that processes not only a toxic onion but also the practical actions that are effective in being present in the physical reality. If we look, so many of us are not effective in the practical physical reality. We find practical actions difficult, when they always need only small steps that accumulate into getting something done. It is a huge thing to realize what limits one from being what is simply natural.  A real ‘ tree’ of understanding would be the absence of distraction from practical doing, as the real magic is in the doing.  Naturally, on some level, we all know this, thus, the absence of this would build into a self hate. One knows one is discombobulated ! Could it be some form of shadow, projected by the self that is what causes the dissonance of this sound reality? 

About a month ago, I did not realize what it was that I was within, as standing within. I remember leaving an interaction with another person, and thinking “ it was so thick one could cut it with a knife.” I mean, why say, or think something like that?  Why do we tell ourselves what it is that we are being and seeing? Why not follow though and do the math, and realize my/our self created I'm-positions that are actually a separation from this living reality?

I mean, we have things that are for writing out and taking apart our ‘ moods,’ which begs the question as to what a ‘ mood’ is?  Is that ‘ mood’ what is the resonance of what is re-cord-ed within us, that eventually slows down our ability to process what is around us?  What do we use to communicate that? How can that technology, where tech is ‘ skill’ be a formation as a word, as a sound, that one can fill with polarized meanings that as that sound project outside of us, and we search for someone who matches as close as possible the color and signature of that projected thing, as sounds as words,  that are a separation from being grounded and practical and in the presence of this world, of all that is here, as this reality, which is including this physical reality. It is the most simple of things, and yet, that distraction, appears to be so HUGE- lol, what do we mean when we say and elephant is in the room? Can’t run, can’t hide, it is around you, accepted by you, and no one but yourself can clean it up. All the thin-king’s men and all the thin-king’s animals, cannot clean this up, because one must come to recognize one’s thin-king patterns, what generates them, and then forgive them and refocus onto reality. 

I remember a moment where, a few years ago, I became so angry about something, that that anger almost consumed me. I just stopped in one moment and said to myself, ‘ This does nothing, even if I am correct and what I am reacting to is unacceptable.” I just stopped. 

Yesterday, I was talking with someone, and realize that behind me, as me, was this colored torrent flowing down- within me. It was doom and gloom, all in self judgement. It was not about anyone from the present or the past, it was myself as a ‘ state of belief’ as ideas, about me, mostly about me not being good enough. Mostly of and as voices that I am not capable, that I am ‘ too far gone’ , that I am too much this, or too much that etc. etc. . 

Another thing that comes up, in this torrent, rented tower of belief, polarized into blame and spite, is within a group of people, that practiced one thing in one area and another thing in another area. They wanted to ‘ get rid of me’ within something. The forked tongue was at work. I want to feel hurt, and yet another part of me, like a lion wants to roar, and really roar. There have been times in my life, where I have roared, and everything around me stops. My sisters have told me when  do this, it is very powerful and that I do not realize how powerful.  If I take my own words, within this set of posts, as LOOKING, and reactions being a state of self hate, I realize that the resistance was of and as a self hate. Though I have not mastered this, if I realize that life is in reverse, dare I say, I must have much more power than I realize to intimidate a movement of self hate towards me. And yet, a focus on this silly petty game of survival, is not worth moving into. Let it go. I am, on the other side of the world anyway.

I really don’t want to rush and prove something, and I don’t want to carry this with me. I no longer want to follow the crutches of any other mapping system but the physical reality around me. I can only model, as what I have said to classroom children, ‘ the magic is in to doing.” lol, it is probably this same attitude that is so intimidating. 

I notice that if I ‘ sink’ - lol sinking is a sym=phonic with synching! -  within that down-ward spiraling ‘ shadow’ behind me, my back starts to hurt, as though sinking compresses me. And when I stand within this, and acknowledge it, and move to change it, I expand in some way, and the pain does not shoot out. It is somewhat like that state in holding up a violin, for hours, where there is a balance, that creates a state of no tired-ness. One can play for hours without getting tired.  Thus, I either sink or synch! lol

I mean what else is there? 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to always judge movements and things around me, without regard for this reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to focus only on the storm, as a means of protection and defense, to survive, when real survival means seeing here, the practical and physical reality, that is creation in expression, where the means to the end is in plain sight here, and no one and no thing can define who and what I am, outside of the practical, as a value judgement but myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create my own cognitive dissonance as a mind consciousness system of layers,  toxic  and separating as self interested actions only, from who and what I am here as life, that is physical, and that is all around me as me, where all things are me in another life. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am sinking down below others, as an idea that I lack capacity, when the part of me that can see this colored difference is the same part of me that can resolve this difference and reform it, to realize a synchronicity with who and what I am as a physical beingness on a physical planet, that is creation information,  as what is real is in plain sight, thus I can blame no one and only stand in equity with what is real as the physical here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear loosing something, as what this resonant math, as a composition of value judgements is and does as an idea - logo only, is fear, which is not here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use innocence on one level, to hide behind, which has a color, of and as “ I have not seen this before’ and a ‘why have I not seen this before’ which already presupposes a value as a self definition of ignorance, that then compounds into ‘ I am not enough’ which has a value of and as “ I am supposed to be something already’ etc. and so it spins and I am so busy with this that I miss reality, and for this I forgive myself.

Within this, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want a gain, as to want a more, as to have judged something as being more, and moving into absorbing this more to be a more from a point of believing I am less, that then races towards a more- than, all a movement in separation from being here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to sink within and as me, as this, as the cognitive attention dis-order creating dissonance is myself in separation from being practical, focused and present, in respect of this living reality here, that is physical. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abdicate myself as life, into and as this state of dissonance composed of value judgements, distracting myself from being in synch with what is in plain sight as the physical which is creation here, that is the same as me, as all is life, and thus myself in another life, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand , from another memory, of myself in elementary school, where the words and the sounds, suddenly started to become this soup in front of me, as they moved around, as though it was something outside of myself, yet it was myself in isolation as this, and this sense of things suddenly moving around, like soup, is myself in a soup, which is a kind of looseness, and the memory itself, myself lost in a mind consciousness system, already in separation from being focused and grounded here,  thus, I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself acknowledging that which can be seen and touched, sensed and realized as a projection accepted and allowed by the self, and thus, not who and what I am here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how this physical becomes manifest, as a movement within me, that resonates through the physical, asa subtle down turning of the sides of my mouth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand this physical movement in and as the sides of my mouth, turning into a kind of pout, as a down turning, as a physical expression of sinking down, as not being enough, as hopelessness, as what is before me being too much, all an illusion, and not being in a balance, being effective, being present, being in synch as being in respect of this physical reality, that is an expression of and as creation as life, all around me, as the equal sound of creation, balanced, light, and always here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand, with hindsight, this not to be taken as a given, given that memory warps and changes, that when and as I moved into a state recognizing this ‘ sinking’ within and as me, I can not remember moving myself out of it, as though an interruption is always present in that moment, like a blocking distraction for me to not see realize and understand that movement within and as me, here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to embrace this part of me, this character of and as me, that I have created, that I allow to be built, that I composed from judgement, and to encompass this, to place this sinking into synch with this living, expressing, balanced in what does not harm and takes what is good, to respect the practical here, as this living reality that is me, and that is the same as me, thus I take things back to myself and realize what I would want for myself, as I have enjoyed being given such moments myself.

When and a s I find myself sinking, and the sides of my mouth sinking down, I stop, and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I remember myself to what matters as this life, this physical reality that is creation in expression, here.

When and as I find my physical body moving to sink, as the sides of my mouth, I stop, I slow down, I breath, I embrace the energy as  value judgements, and ground myself in the practical matter of and as creation as the physical, and I LOOK here, to realize synchronicity with and as who and what I am as expression of and as life as the creation all around me that is me, here.

When and as I find myself becoming a soup, as a loopyness within myself, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I ground myself in effective movement of and as the principle of equality and oneness, as doing no harm, as considering all things as me, in all ways, to be in respect of and as who and what I am, to stand in grace here, to be humble, calm, steady, present, available, in joy - as being in awe of here, as being grateful of life as who and what  I am as the real matter here. 

When and as I find myself turning down within and as me, as my thoughts, and as the down turning of the sides of my mouth, I stop, I breath, I slow down to move to embrace the sinking I am allowing, as value judgements, and I focus on the practical, the physical, as this creation as reality here. to see, realize and understand and have fun and be grateful for this opportunity to express who and what I am as I am life. 

LOOKING here; at self hate Day 772

Looking here continued.

If I look at being ephemeral, where the ephemeral is something intangible, as yet inchoate, yet the stirrings of something, like a world on a world, like a musical stream, a musing that blindly moves in ignorance of what is real and what is here, missing the real expression all around us as the physical, would it be hard to admit to the division, and the real understanding of having done so, allowed such? 

 Can that shadow that is intangible, yet tangible, be that hard to correct? Would the resonance of such, appear to be something difficult to handle.? Within this, in time and space, it is interesting how the very words I use are all from the previous day coming from interactions, and how the words I speak influence the next day, because the words I have used seem to come up suddenly. 

Yesterday, I was driving home with my son, having picked him up from school. In the car he suddenly said that a person he knew was a toxic onion. lol, I was surprised that he recognized a pattern and called it out. he has been waiting on tables part time and interacted with a lot of people, and we have talked a lot about behavior, thus it is not as surprising as I might like to think. 

He also talked about an interesting model within learning. He had read something that described how we learn in our present environment. Imagine understanding something being a circle, when something is completed, or a goal in development has been reached- as another way to say it.  With the onset of building an understanding, one begins with  a simple scaffold in relation to becoming aware of what that circle is as a complete state of understanding. One begins, as enters into awareness of towards being aware of the total circle, via seeing first, as being with, a degree of awareness that is on the level of that simple triangle. Then that turns into a square, then a pentagon shape, then a hexagon shape and so on. Until one becomes a shape with many lines filling in the circle to the extent the space in the circle is filled. The point when one’s scaffold of understanding appears to completely fill in the circle, there comes a moment that is like a jump , where one is equal to the circle. This jump is a movement into grace. 

I see this, within looking at anger. I asked my son if he understood that anger is always self hate. Without hesitation, he said yes. lol, that was cool. 

What does an ephemeral world, a shadow world and reaching what is a metaphor for closing a circle - having a point of expansion that is a leap into grace, - AND anger being self hate,  have to do with one another? 

Anger being self hate,  ultimately ( and realize that there are no problems, there are only solutions, meaning a mis-take can ONLY BE CORRECTED INTO UNDERSTANDING )  means one is resisting LOOKING HERE, one is resisting one’s own capacity to find solutions, which must include this practical and physical reality. Anger exists when value judgements about something  are made larger than reality, which is a separation from reality, and thus lacking a state of grace, of which the very behaviors of anger are a marker of and as as an indicator of a loss of grace! 

One must simply LOOK at the ephemeral values as what one is lost in as one’s inner musings and deconstruct them, to refocus on the practical and physical living reality. 

Within myself I realize, having participated in the intangible, allowing and accepting it to be larger than life - running from it, hiding from it - that having to turn and face my biggest fear, which is really a fear of having accepted and allowed the same within myself, is so embedded, and yet, dare I say here, that it is possible to reach a state of grace within and as this.  Interesting how this brings a sense of shame and joy at the same time. Yet this is that point of leaping into grace, which no one can do for me but myself. 

If I reflect on the present system, I can see where it is a form, just as within myself, where a denial, a resistance of accepting ‘ grace’ is the thing most avoided, most resisted, and of such a busy work to retain doing everything possible to NOT LOOK HERE. 

Yet, there is no other place to go to. It is as simple as that. 

 The math of polarities as the game of good and bad value judgements, is such an illusion, it is quite astounding. And yet, from some small experiences, it is what every single one of us really want. One cannot see it if one is seeing ONLY a limited scaffold that is the focus of self, in separation from seeing the circle. The circle being the real, living and practical world around us.

Teaching children to ‘ fill in the circle’ in a box in their heads, is a backwards construct.  Using chemicals to balance out  dis-ease in the body, is completely backwards.  Having systems where some supposed authority, as authors of how things work, learned in a box, in a backwards way, is backwards - especially with bureaucracies of same construction as human beings who have moved contrary to life, is also backwards. It is all the opposite of life, using limitation to  resist reality.  The game and math of resistance to self as life, as living in a bubble as a head trip, of good and bad, right and wrong, blame and spite, resistance and rejection, is up. We live in a physical creation of form and function, where harm towards something is visible, and not what we would want for ourselves. Therefor , in any shape or form, it is unacceptable to harm. 

If I really understand that anger is always self hate, can I go out into the world and no matter what, act with grace towards all things, as being a voice as a starting point to say out loud, no matter what, that anger is always self hate? Will this stop a person moving into a track of and as an ephemeral  existence, visible and composed of polarities, as movements within a bubble as a built self interest, as a created self of and as energy that is division from what is eternal? This division of self, composed  of blame and spite  building  projection and conjure ( con- jure = with judgement )  that is the opposite of life as real self creation?  I suppose that the marker of this  state of grace would be to remain in gentleness, in a steady grounded focus with humility,  both reciprocating , as taking back to self, the math of separation AND remaining grounded here. After all, what are words for but to communicate what is here. 

Moving against a tide of separation, means being the same as what caused the separation, which means relating things with persistence in accord with reality.  The same as separation is built. Self dis-- covery is a process,  it i re-versing one’s self.  One must realize one’s verse and then realize the scaffold of one’s separation, to uncover what was always there; the circle. lol what a head trip! 

A natural ability to be PRESENT Day 768

I have moments from the past where I looked at something and had a noses that something was out of whack. It usually was a focus where I could not explain why I thought something was out of whack, or, as another way to say this is, ‘ not in synch.”

This is something I think is innate to all of us, as what we are. This is something that each one of us can realize. If anything we get caught up in the details of expressing ourselves as we cannot line up the words that paint the picture of the math that we see, or sense, being not in synch, somehow, in the world around us. 

I can think of numerous instances in my life where this has happened. And I can compare this to performing to realize, as I had over the years, of what was happening that was the cause of both being able to sense something being out of synch and an ability to not quite be able to call out by name the math, the movement, the sense of the whole not being in balance. It is all around us, and we are the perfect mechanisms to understand this. We have all sensed this at some point in our lives. It has to be because of what we are, as forms, in totality. The statement that the veil is thin, is around and has been around for a reason, because it is a description of what is happening. It sticks , it holds, it cannot be denied.

I remember an instance where I really looked at my nephew, who is autistic.  I mean, I stood there and really LOOKED. Meaning, I sensed him, in calm, just stood there and sensed him. Instead of being in fear of his erratic and unconventional movements, in relation to comparison ONLY, based on comparison within standard expectations, I LOOKED at him. I was not in a state of resistance, I just LOOKED. What came to me was a sense that he was completely out of synch within himself.  It appeared that all the anxieties I knew from my family where swirling around ‘ in there’ and that this being was simply not able to synchronize with presence, his body and presence in a stable way, in a focus without an interference causing a huge effort to get himself to focus here. 

Having such a ‘ thought’ about this, and this was before desteni , is overall telling. Why do I not trust such a thing? And why can I not see my own details that yet lack details? And why not stand up and say this! Why not trust myself enough to speak up as this? In all common sense we are physical BIO- LOGICal forms, and within my sense of a LACK of an ability to FOCUS as what I see, I am basically telling myself, revealing to myself, what is actually happening to the being in space and time. How is it that what is so obvious is ignored? I mean, if I can sense water getting hot to make tea, for example, or if I can sense a change in barometric pressure, or if I can feel the bite of a tick, why the fuck can I not sense the movement and flow and focus of another human being? Of course I can, as the very nature of what and who I am as the same physical information as this world around me. The only thing that would stop this, is information counter to this, said again ad again and again, that I would begin to FOLLOW that would be counter to what the FUCK I AM! What do we think the whole “ Plato’s wall” and  the Machiavellian construct of voicing blame and spite as dis- SENT as information is and does? The math of separation is VISIBLE and all around us!  In so many ways, it is actually not a rocket science, or, one could say we are the most perfect of mechanisms to sense the science of the physical around us. And why? Because we are of the same stuff! 

An act of seeing ONLY the lack, and not also realizing the means of change out of that lack, in tandem with the behavior of calling out that lack ONLY, is a distraction of looking at the self - that self that has an innate ability to realize when something in this physical realm is out of synch, is out of harmony, is out of real presence, as out of FOCUS HERE.  To ignore, or reject, or not use this sensibility as who and what we are, and to ONLY point out that lack - is that same sensibility being used, which means a sensibility exists! It is an admission of what we are, it is only that it is being MISS-used. 

If one focuses ONLY on a resonant belief that was accepted and recited or used again and again, and FOLLOWED as that resonant belief within,  which is a practice of and as following something instead of using an innate sense, which is a rejection of the self as life - life being a natural sensibility - then one becomes out of synch with this reality. This is something that no one can blame on any one or thing around them. And it can only be self corrected. This is a resonant entity, it is a MINED CON-SCIENCE. One has become and practices a consciousness of separation.  The subconscious being the foundation of the parents being the same, and the unconscious this of the overall system, all accumulations as ideas, beliefs and opinions, composed in separation as a focus on LIMITED information accepted and allowed. This is, in other words, not a rocket science. The degree to which one cannot realize this, is the degree of one’s separation. It is visible in how much one projects the limited storied information onto objects around one, instead of standing within what is natural and innate, which is the ability to sense the whole and the parts, that ‘ nagging ‘ sense that something is out of whack, that each and every one of us has as who and what we really are. 

If one does a discipline, such as performing with an instrument, in a group, it begins, over time, to become obvious when one is not in synch with the group and begs the question as to what is causing this out-of-synchness. The only thing that can block this, is within the self. One must ask the question as to what is blocking the focus ? One must listen to the body to realize what it is that is blocking the focus. What I noticed was that a part of me was focusing on, my children, when they were  younger- for example. I had to learn to let one thing go, in the space for the moment that I was in, and focus on where I was. A consequence of this, after I had realized this, was that then chancing from the one to the other, was in itself challenging. This revealed to me that I was sluggish within myself, but in common sense I should be able to do this, as this was actually being mature ( as the terms I used and learned within this discipline).  This, overall, is being a master of self, and creating a self. Yet, overall, this begged another question as to why any resistance to something was not realized for what it was, and why our system did not take this into consideration and even used this for gain, through forcing beliefs, and dis-allowing this to live in synch with this reality and how this all works! How many times has one realized that past actions were not what was best, and has shame for such actions, not wanting to go back and correct them? How many times have we wallowed in such, defining ourselves as such, using this very limited piece of a movement, to define ourselves to make ourselves ‘ better’ within a bubble of realization, instead of moving beyond this into realizing the moving parts within the whole, in relation to all of this? It is an indication of having lost a focus on the whole, which means one has an embedded resonance that has become larger than reality, that is what is distracting the self from being who and what we are by capacity, into sensing mis-takes of and as our state of being, in relation to an innate ability to SENSE, to be in COMMON SENSE of the overall movement and expression of this LIVING REALITY around us that is the same as us. This reality, as the physical is a beautiful design. We are the means to understand and create.  We need only recognize the resonant ghost of mis-information through limited story accepted and allowed as reality, yet not ourselves standing within ourselves as who and what we really are. And, in a sense, all of our actions are us wanting to ultimately be in synch with this reality, because it is who and what we really are as this is the means of us being in living expression. 

Just look at all the dogmas of self definition, based on environment and culture, the dogmas of religion and politics, ask yourself if these things lend life expression. Hold your breath, focus on those values and see if they can ultimately sustain you, or if what sustains you is BREATHING.  This means that the PHYSICAL trees are necessary, or supersede any inner BELIEF system. Thus, what is ultimately real? 

An interesting thing happened those years I was performing with small groups. As I started to sort this out within myself, to realize what I was doing within myself, I had people come up to me and say to me that I had a lot of PRESENCE on stage.  I looked at this, with surprise and self interest, as I did that of which I speak, and did not relate this to what I was sorting out and realizing within myself. Yet, as I become more a master of myself, within my self, in relation to what I was doing, that focus improved and people noticed it. 

What also happened, is nasty comments also came to me. It appeared as an  out-of-context statement. I would react, yet also, had experienced a sense of myself knowing when I was in synch and present, meaning I knew when I was in focus, what I had not rehearsed enough etc. to know that no one could really know what I was being but myself. This was enough to begin to know the difference between supportive criticism and just simple nasty criticism. 

Supportive criticism opens doors, as though it defines what one already senses, and is very clear- meaning one sees it immediately and is thankful. Nasty criticism usually makes no sense, and confuses. And yet, I know very good players who have a hard time between the two, which is an indication of not being in synch in itself- but that is within the individual. 

If I can sense this, and this is something that is known, it means that that same sense in the self, is alive and present. The ability to sense the different colors of this, overall substantiates what is innate within all of us, as who and what we are, as living beings that are physical, and can sense the most subtle of things, down to seeing, realizing and understanding when we face an autistic person, that what is happening with that person, is a serious state of being out of synch with reality, with this physical reality. 

This means that it is probably a cause of a number of things, that we have allowed pollutants in our environment from NOT LOOKING, and we have allowed a resonance of NOT LOOKING, that is causing what we are to be out of synch. We are therefor creating physical discord with reality within and as what we are placing as a math of separation, as a measure of separation as what we hold within us, that is of limited information, to inform the physical. It is , if we LOOK , as what is natural to what and who we are,  the cause of so much out-of-synchness in our world today. We are moving against life. Yet we are, as the very nature of ourselves and the physical, as what is natural, the ability to move in synch with creation, as the physical reality that is life that is all around us. 

On the world stage, it appears to me, that the bully of the media and certain institutions we have collectively allowed and as men, because the power is in the numbers, as men composing the system - it appears to me, that just as a nasty person realizing in contrast to a noticeable presence, attack and try and force a limitation to hide a reality. This behavior in itself screaming a separation from self, not wanting anyone to see that that self has rejected itself as life, and moving to attack anything that exposes its separation, and/or in many ways, a crying out of separation, as the practice of separation is all that is known, and all the expression of the entity knows how to be. So is it with some of our present systems, such as the CDC and the whole vaccine scenario. it is like it is screaming its demise, trying to hold onto something that is being exposed, and instead of LOOKING, does everything in its capacity to continue a false narrative. Thus, the movement of lack, in the overall system, behaves the same as what I experienced in my life in relation to movements and expressions around me. Thus, it is  a pattern, recognizable, and of a measure, or math in this reality, visible and understandable within its accepted and allowed state of being. We individuals are no different. Such patterns can only exist within small measure, as a separation is a loss of presence, and only able to hold a chaos of no real self directive capacity- which is visible in its lack. If we take the time to look, can we not see the actions of institutions being that scared accusatory voice that uses hyperbole as limited value judgements that have no real clear description and directive practical measurable steps that open awareness, that point out where one is, with clarity and then give a measure that appears to voice just what one was seeing but was only on the cusp of calling out by name with clarity in the moment and therefor incredibly thankful of the clarity that defines effective practice that is a joy in and as self discovery into real self creation? The difference between the two is HUGE, and visible, if one takes the time to really LOOK.  This ability is the capacity of who and what each and everyone of us is as life. It is time that we create ourselves as life, which means to stand in the image and likeness of this practical and physical and visible reality. We all have moments where we realize this. We need only LOOK here. Breathe. 

Confusion and fear is not enough information Day 765

I sense a weight in my cheat, that slowing becomes more and more defined as what builds and creates this presence within and as me.

The best approach at the moment, and also to solution is to acknowledge this and to stand in the practical as what lends effective movement within and as me. It is, as the best means at the moment, self focused on a lack, as that lack being something impossible to change, and yet, to stand as the change is the means towards the end of this presence as information within and as who and what I am, here.

What I am going to look at today, is how much this weight is a habit of a con-fusion of fear, as not being able to process the spin of value judgements of good and bad, that is myself in a shadow world lost to what is real, as the practical. I cannot respect myself if I allow this, this con-fusion of value judgements protecting an idea of who I am in some belief that I must have a limited set of values to define me. This a consequence of a belief that I am not enough, as perhaps starting as comparison without investigation, without regard for simply being and living as who and what I am, which has great potential to understand life, and experience the many qualities that compose life. This life is physical and all around me as me. 

I must realize that this existence is in a state of lack, which is a state of diminishment, and that what is best is not being lived, or being lived by small degree, as that same life within and as me, that motivates correction is also wanting of correction to experience life. It is balancing out, standing as being here, and realizing the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed means standing up as what respects this world and how a mind consciousness of limited information is the separation from being present in this reality. 

Always in the words are the means and the correction as we tell ourselves as our projections what and who we are standing as. This is always visible in plain sight.

What I am here being and living, is standing as seeing, realizing and understanding acceptances and allowances and the means of seeing this lack and who and what I am, as life, here, which is physical.

Thus, this weight on my chest is the habit of and as the confusion of and as focusing only on a lack creating polarities of good and bad, and the way forward is to acknowledge it and change the focus of myself onto simply being here. This means standing as what is best for all, which is what is best for self. 

I notice, if I slow down and LOOK at what information flows as me, as energy, as a quick movement - in a way- as a storyline, a lot of the imaginations are of doom and gloom, worst case scenarios, fear of punishment and mistake. It is like having a haunting shadow around me as me. This is what accumulates around the top of my chest. I have to catch it, or ‘ read it’ and process it. This means taking it apart and correcting the focus of and as this onto the practical real living actions in tune with this reality, because this is what I am, and this is myself respecting all things. 

Since we are exposed to, so much media and story telling from books ONLY ( written information is not a bad) and our parents and others around us, are of the same, do we really learn to respect the natural world around and do we have examples around us who are able to do this? Perhaps animals can, more than any human. 

If one is reading a text, with information as pictures, as stories, and cannot remember what one has just read, or what someone has just said, and you can’t remember how you made the switch how are you going to read the things that distracted you from remaining present, taking in information with ease? And, do you think you are going to be able to change this in a moment when this was built over time, just like a frog placed in cold water, that when heated over time, say 50 years, or even seven, that when the water finally kills the frog - and the frog not even realizing it is being cooked to death- the people in that environment just stand there, because they believe that hot water to be NORMAL because it is all they have ever known, these people are going to be able to SEE what killed the frog? And, could someone who has continued time and time again to say the water is heating up and will kill the frog, for which all the oblivious people will say, “ conspirator!!!” , lol.  Can something like this not be realized but by deconstructing it, which means increasing one’s processing speeds because this was done through dumbing one down into a slow measure that has no sustainability and rushes like an energetic electrical burn through the body, using the flesh to project the belief that is the mis-information separate from reality? 

Birthing one’s self into real life means standing up again and again until one becomes aware of self and this world, this physical world. This means re-cognizing one’s self to reality. This means stepping out of the bubble of mis-information ( mind con-sciousness) that is a distraction through limited info, causing cognitive dissonance that is really a stagnation. 

It is like, or is, one must stand within one’s self and blow up what is zipped filed, or compressed within one’s self, as what has accumulated into a layered onion, and forgive the value judgement that is fear, and walk the correction, which is a practical application that is a state of being focused here on the physical, in reality. The elite of this world have simply used this that is accepted by the collective, to build a structure that allows them control, which is what a state of separation is constantly trying to be and do. They use our abdication of common sense of reality to do this, thus we cannot blame them. Yet we can change from separation into equality and oneness, with reality. 

What I notice about myself, in relation to this, is that the pressure in my chest, which at this point feels like a film over my chest, on the top of my chest, is a form of anger, which is fear. I notice the habit of becoming angry, in my case it comes out in a verbal form.  This is a form of disempowerment, of my own creation. I look only at the punishment of myself, as suppression, as not being present in reality, doing the real math of common sense as me, in expression. 

When I focus, and ‘ do the math’ or ‘ look at the numbers’ as the measure of what I am allowing myself to be, in relation to the principle of what is best for all as what is the best for me, is that my lower back moves with more ease. Mankind is unhappy when unfocused and happy when they are focused and present in the practical. 

Today, in relation to the present system, someone said to me, “ But that is how nations build their wealth’ This is true, yet if that wealth moves into  supporting conflict for supposed gain, driven by self interest, as a dogma of ideas, and, instead does not flow the means of what  lends stability and growth on every level, a real wealth is not being considered, and only a very limited thing as an idea that is in itself a state of separation from a common sense of the real machine as the physical. 

My physical body reveals what I am doing. If there is pressure on my chest, I am moving into fear and anger over solutions within the principle of what is best for all.  Fear is a practice of protection, which means comparison, which means judgement instead of applied practical discernment.