Feeling and Structure and walking a dog. Day 785

I notice that there appears to me to be two sides happening. Somehow they are within utilization of an inherent absorbent ability and utilizing structure. 

Somehow, the gap, must come together between the two as I see it at the moment. It appears to me that there are two schools, so-to-speak, of moving from sensing as discovering,  within not bringing in too much structure, and utilizing structure as a means to an end.  In reality, it is both, it is a balance and interchange within both. Too little structure, and one spends too much time in finding self direction. Too much structure being given, as a form, to only follow, and one misses a sense of self within having perspective within that structure, which can in itself, cause a separation, and fear, as insecurity, because one loses grounding in a way. It somehow ties into the fact that we learn more from a sum of parts, the subject and the object, cross referencing within the two, that must come to a balance, where the processing between both moves with greater awareness. After all, separation is caused through limitation.

I find when I have back chat in competition, as comparing myself to another, or from a point of fearing to lose something, which means I want to win something, I am in a point of fear, and hence self interest, forgetting who and what I am here. What  I find supports me, is to realize that I have this world around me, the physical, and myself, and the group, mirroring the same as me, working through processes that are similar to my own.  Meaning, there remains this idea that I have to do this myself, which is a truth, and yet, it must also, must need, the world around me, the people, the plants, the animals, this as a structural awareness.  

This balance between listening, as ordering, as listing, form and function, movement and expression, be it of a considerate focus of all things, or be it, within a state of separation, as self interest, always with a quality of and as a “rush” being present.  When I have back chat in competition, the comparisons come up, and I am within ordering in self interest and not considering all things, where solutions are always the way forward. It is seeing the thoughts and what is in-between the thoughts, it is always, being grounded in realizing I am, and that I-am is physical. Within things that have happened in my life, what remains is myself here. What has real longevity, is the I am. What is around me, is what allows the I am. This is in a way, the same as god is.  Some people have said to me. “ that is Buddism.”  Yet, Christ said the same thing.  This is the same as the story of the Hansel and Gretel fairy tale, as the old woman in the woods, is the princess in another life, thus we are all the same, life in expression, each an expression in another life. We are here. I am.  Have we ever asked how that old woman came to the end of her life living in those woods? What shaped and formed her. I mean, we tend to choose families and cultures similar to our own, because we understand that our surroundings influence our children! 

The power to call things by their name, is being the living word. This is also buried, or made evident in our fairy tales. 

In this, a fear of making a mistake, is an illusion, and that same ability to move from sensing a form, to see structure, is also realizing the structure, as the structure is the means to the end, just as the physical is the means to the end, as though both are the same. Creativity, as I see it at this point, is realizing change can happen, within realizing to always  choose what does no harm. 

It is the realization that too much water is detrimental, as is too little, there must be a balance. This same realization is used to divide and conquer, in, for example, our health systems, that use imbalance to make a profit before bringing forward health from creating balance in the basic needs of the physical to remain in balance and function. Instead, imbalance, is created, to force needs that then must be balanced out. Yet, this is done in a way to perpetuate the need for pills, that perpetual payment, where one’s labor moves towards purchasing that pill, for the rest of one's life, where that pill is not concerned with creating stability, but maintaining an instability to not only direct labor, but also, to create a perpetual state of imbalance, because if one discovered this overall, it would no longer have the power to influence one, and one would begin to discover real support. This means, as the distraction is so ubiquitous, that it is a busy work to maintain the deception, because the potential to understand is more natural. It is like a perpetual static. This is much like the back chat within me, when I move into competition, manifest as back chat of a projection of a more and a state of being less.  And it is the same, in that what is here, as I am, is the physical, which moves in creative ways, as the principle of and as to do no harm, which is to consider all things. 

I have two ears and one mouth, which means that it is to listen more than speak.  Since I have back chat, at times, it means to listen even more, than speak, because of my own separations and the practice of listening to here, to the I am, to realizing what is in between the thoughts, as the thoughts are colored with value judgements and are not that kind of reflection of what is here, as those moments, when I am interrupted and  see through the veil of my own spin in value judgements, based on the past, based on the acceptance and allowance of a culture that is based on an environment and that experience made a construct or structure to guide one, that forgot from whence it came, as the physical world.  It is , as I see it, still a stagnation into fearing to really feel.  And yet, real joy would be to really feel. Within this, not fearing to make mistakes, and that includes using past mistakes to justify where I am at at present within bringing myself back into equality and oneness in respect of and as what and who I am as a physical state of being, that means living practical awareness, here.  Because, creation is practical, which is really cool, and so simple. What is in plain sight is simple, it is a chaos that separates it.

Yesterday, I was asked to go and to talk with some people that had experienced a bad situation regarding a dog belonging to someone I know. I knew that I was going to have to face their venting, and I realized it could not define me, and that it was to apologize, and lend my regards in understanding why they were angry. I hesitated when it came to do this, as I did not want to face that metaphysical state of blame and anger coming at me.  This is my past, and it is a fear of loss, a fear of being defined at the values within the venting. I have to tell myself that I have faced such and not reacted, and even done this, before I started to walk this process, in quite natural ways and means. Still, there is some fear of this, a fear of facing this event. it is a pattern of not wanting to face this, and becoming angry. Yet, what would I want if the tides were turned and I was them? Where I am at at the moment, is to realize there are only solutions, where punishment is not being and living a structural means of bringing forth a presence that lives not having a repeat of the problem.  Thus, even though I realize this on the one hand, there remains this fear of facing this chaos, because it will be loaded with so many things - or so I believe. This is more than likely, yet, not necessarily so. There may come more compassion than I am expecting.  Which, overall, I have been surprised with before. And, lol, expected other times, only to find I face a lot of anger and venting!

Living solutions, as realizing there are no problems and only solutions, means taking responsibility, no matter what. It means investigating until one understands enough. Fear is, in many ways, not having investigated something enough. It means not having really looked and considered more than one’s immediate survival needs. It is recognizable in being caught in a construct of the lesser evil, which causes a spin of weighing values, which is not being in that space between thoughts, where one realizes the existent structure and the creation in expression, at the same time, feeling the creative ability inherent in the overall design, to change and choose what does no harm, and respects all things. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself t move into competition, as living a comparison within values, in self interest, not being realizing and understanding that the I am that is me, is within a limited idea, belief, or opinion, in fear of survival, and forgetful of the I am, that is me, that is here, that is the physical creation in expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to project outside of me that there is a lack within me, that I must defend, which is myself not being present, equal and one, feeling here, being in the simple joy of realizing what is here, is me, in another life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself toot see, realize and understand, what it means to be strong, for example, as I have lived this , within and as other areas of my life, where i was steady, and stable, and directive, thus, as life, in feeling here, this is actually a more natural state of being, than allowing back chats within and as me, of comparison, imagining success or worst-case-scenarios.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear, being myself, feeling here.

i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear feeling, intros instance, the anger and venting of another, as though this can define me, as though this is impossible to deal with, when it is a consequence of other actions of lack, where the only solution is to realize directive structures that lend ease and a absence of a fear of feeling, as in this case it is a dog that has had little social interaction opportunities with other dogs. thus, the solution is here, and can be walked, and the anger from those who suffered the consequences of the lack in the dog, within the present system, will and may come towards me, as from one perspective, they are the victims of this lack.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I react within and as protection and defense, within and as what is here, is to realize actions of complete responsibility to and towards what is best for all, as life, as living solutions, realizing that there are no problems only solutions, here, and to see, realize and understand that there must be more awareness structurally of and as the practical applications that have not been lived, in relation to this dog, that are the solution.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that just as it is well known in the research in reading development, most criminals are those who have no means of communication, that in itself causes a consequence of greater frustration and inability to communicate effectively, building a seed of dissonance and disconnect, where the inability to communicate, causes greater and greater loss of opportunity, leading to more ineffective behaviors in social situations, a self perpetuating storm of dis-clarity, and aggressive behaviors,  where the real solution is to rebuild effective structures of  a reciprocal nature as being able to simultaneously call things by name, and respect what is here as the very structure and expression of the physical, and the creative nature of this, as the ability to change, within and as realizing the only choice is to do no harm, as to respect all things, here. 

When and as I find myself moving into fear, into believing it is too much to face the storm, of and as not moving in and as the realization in practical action, in every moment, as realizing there are no problems and only solutions, I stop, and i breath, and I slow myself down, and I recognize my own pattern of fear, as resistance, as feeling overwhelmed, as fearing to be defined, of believing I am responsible - as believing I must problem solve, or have all the answers, etc, - I stop and I breath, as I see realize and understand that this idea that I am responsible, is an idea, that I then self blame, becoming a perpetual state of not feeling worthy, a separation within itself, and also the answer, as in some ways we all realize we can problem solve, as we are the perfect forms to do so,  thus, it is to stop hating myself and to become patient and calm, realizing the solutions are always here, even if colored with a past of a consciousness of separation from realizing self as life, here, as being physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i should have recognized this before it happened, as this dog has been kept in  a yard, after being used to breed other dogs and as such having lived in a kennel, without any real socialization, and there for,  being life, wanting to interact with other dogs and yet fearing them at the same time, thus, there was not a recognition that the dog needed some socialization, which was lacking, and somehow it was my responsibility to have prevented what happened from happening, yet it is not my dog, and I cannot physically be in many places at once, therefor, and because of where I am , in this moment, it is to face the storm and realize the solutions.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to in some ways, trust myself, within and as seeing realizing and understanding that I cam capable to assessing, as investigating, as in taking the time to understand, and within this, need not move into anxiety, fearing to be labeled, or defined as not being enough, or moving into self blame, based on expectations, within and as some idea, and instead to realize this as a past pattern, and to embrace it, forgive it, redirect it, within and as making as accepting a natural ability to assess and understand, as gather information, to realize there are no problems only solutions in living actions as who and what I am as a physical state of being as life in expression, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take things personally, to not within this, slow down, and breath, and ground myself here, in calm, giving as I would receive, as not reacting to emotional outflows, as the story of good and bad, right and wrong, more than and less than, and to within this, give as lend understanding, assessing and realizing solutions,  as standing equal and one to physical creation, as creation would be and do, as this is being creative here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand,  practical awareness, as respect of the physical as who and what i am is always here, and as such the potential to always from solutions, within an as there are no problems,  is always here, and within this, to realize consequence within not realizing this sound principle, is a process, thus, with each breath, with each step, it is to birth life fro the physical, to realize the principle of oneness and equality as the golden rule, in practical action, as to give as one would receive, here.

When and as I find myself becoming overwhelmed and spinning into anxiety, I stop, I slow down, and I breath, and I take the space to respect here, to listen more than I speak, to hear more than wanting to speak up, to practice grounding and referencing here, as assessing what is here, seeing realizing and understanding the storms of energy, as separation, into a catch 22, or a more than and a less than, of fear of loss and desire for gain in self interest as belief, opinion and idea, to embrace this, forgive and to listen to what is here, to realize that it is natural to assess what is here,  and anxiety is more a protection and defense, as a justification which is a fear of loss,, instead of respecting what is here as life as the practical as the physical reality , the living physical reality around me, to practice when and as I move into taking things personally, fearing to be defined, as them, to then to forgive and to follow through into realizing what is best for all, here. 

lol, When and as I find myself reacting, as becoming frustrated, or resistant, to slow down and breath, to listen, to assess, to  cross reference my own back chat, and the tension within my physical body, to realize that just as a unsocialized dog does not know how to act with other dogs, so am I, within and as being  past as a practice of fear, spinning into anxiety, as a lack of processing, as a lack of respect of the practical, where the protection and defense, is in a way, a non - looking here at the practical,  as being in respect of creation, as all cultures are products of the environment, and to realize that I am physical, and that I can assess, real-eyes, feel, as life here, and enjoy, here,  in the same way, I have actually socialized a dog, who did not know, as never had the opportunity, to interact with other dogs , for example, on a walk, and as such, have lived that change, that change that came with the opportunity, and as such, it is a process, thus, when and as I find myself moving into anxiety, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down,  and I forgive  personalities from the past that may arise, and I look here,  to build effective communication with here, as this reality as all things, that are me in another life, to practice realigning into equality and oneness with life, that is physical and in plain sight/site here. 

When and as I find myself facing a situation where I experience what i call ‘ venting’ I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I assess, check myself,  listen , realize to not take this personally, and ground myself,  as check to ensure  I am calm,  to realize that I can assess problems, and move with them into realizing there are no problems and only solutions here.

Processing information and a false morality. Day 731

I begin to realize how slow I am within processing information. It is that I process information within my imagination, or my mind, abdicating myself from what is more natural, which is to see directly here.

Bumping up against the dogma that is what such a means of directing self is and does as a mis-use of the imagination. The reactions are more about myself, processing the disconnect, listening for what is a truth, and being empathetic, to give directions I would want for myself. This also involves realizing that I am the same as what is here, as all this physical world around me.

In a way, that is real power, to move what is stagnant and empty into becoming a river filled with life, with creation, with being engaged and present.

I must remind myself that thinking about playing an instrument is not playing the instrument. Playing the instrument means understanding the starting point, the smallest movements, the mechanics, and then practicing them which does not need as much time as one might think given the present systemic design of divide and conquer through beliefs, opinions and ideas without practical application. IN a way, words represent thinking and thinking is not one’s self being present. After all, I do not think when I play an instrument, I am with that tool- it demands focus more than thinking. The real divine, is being present, equal and one to the physical, which means, in this moment, for me, to value being physical, being here, sensing the physical, learning to process the information of and as it.

We have a system that wants to take an orange, for example, divide all the nutrients and sell them in parts, to manage our health, which is really us abdicating our own self responsibility to sense ourselves, of which the physical is us. We have schools that place us in boxes for 13 years, or more, and micro-manage what we think and how we think. All of this sounds good, as structure is necessary ( what is the physical?) yet it is suppressing the use of all of what we are, as we are sentient beings, here. Learning how things work in a paper context enables the control of information. That information can be divided and limited, a lie-by-omission, and it can be filled with bias ( the red flag being a formula of inflammatory language coupled to truths), because imagination and real doing are two different things. As I said, one cannot learn to play an instrument, or do a sport, thinking about it. Reading information is important, as it is how we can read about what is happening in places we physically have no presence in. Words are important because we humans use them to communicate. Reading words and speaking words are the same thing, what we sound we create, we place as measurable tools within ourselves. If what we accept, because we accept it when we follow its authority without cross reference, we place information without our physical bodies that is not directing us effectively, and does not fit into our bodies. We lose flow, our bodies age, instead of moving with grace and connection with the physical world. We lose an ability to process information that brings us into an understanding of really knowing something because we are ultimately happy when we are effectively engaged. We would only fear this if a change into such responsibility appears to be too much, such perspective revealing a state of a lack of ability to process the information of this physical reality. This would mean that we need more information, or have the space to see the steps back to ourselves as this, and realize that it is in deed, a gentle unfolding back into what we really seek, which is ourselves. IN the need, we would gladly, and respectfully, give the digits of our labor to this. It would be a way of giving thanks. 

If we go and look at a test that was given to students in the middle of the last century, probably  none of us could process the information on the test. This is how great the loss of ability, and self responsibility is within us. We have the compounding problems to mirror this effect in our children, as all the attention deficit disorders. The consequence of self abdication of self responsibility is all around us. It is there when we are sold the products in the supermarkets, that are over processed, losing nutrients, to the point where that same seller/chain has an isle filled with vitamins and supplementary products. Divide into many parts, to sell, for profit. This mirrors what we have accepted within ourselves, as it is really an abdication of our real power to be responsible. It is time to focus, here, in this physical creation that is life. The way is all around us. It is like a parent that wants what is best for all life.

The labor we do every day, being reimbursed through money, that we then define who and what we are through what we allow to be sold to us reflects our awareness, or the use of our ability to be aware. When we turn on the television, we are purchasing information, when we walk into a huge chain supermarket, we are being sold, through buying what is offered in this market. When we face new information, at a job, as a new way of doing something, we can blame nothing and no-one for a loss of our processing speed of information, because we paid for the public schools with the monetized digits of our labor through our real estate taxes, we bought what was sold and it has become our souls. We are souls who have accepted and allowed a system that simply reflects the abdication of a natural ability to process information as the physical- that world that we move in and get things done in. We have allowed a chain to exist as an authority, not realizing in accepting that, we have enslaved ourselves into a self accepted suppression of and as who we are as life. This must come to an end, and we can become responsible and be happy. 

Human beings are happy when they know something enough to do it, to stand and accomplish goals and simply get things done. In our homes we can learn how to care for that home, understanding what maintains the things from nature we use to build a house. When given the opportunity to do so, we are quite capable. The opportunity to do, to communicate with what is here, and with others, is fun. When we resist, as abdicate responsibility we suppress who and what we are, and sharing where we are in our understanding- realizing it is okay to do so because this is how we learn/correct-, which is in our connection to seeing reality directly here. 

Lately, I have looked at the point of having to say what I am. On one hand, because of the system of abdication of one’s ability to be sentient,  I have to use my systemic credentials to have some effect. Yet, having to say what I am, and what my systemic experiences are, is selling myself, instead of living what is best. This means, to speak in clarity and author what lends self direction here, in this reality. This behavior is living and being what is best for all, giving/being as I would want for another. Just as I look for potential, for what gives an awareness that is focused, engaged and potent with this physical life recognition within myself, so must I for any and all things around me. Realizing what is best for me, is what is best for all. 

lol, I realize, to some degree, I may have some morality around this point of ‘ not having to say what I am.”  It is a twisted form of indignation. Meaning, something like ‘ can’t you see my polish, my breeding!”  ( The nasty things coming from what I have accepted and allowed as belief, to survive in this system that is of and as such, and as a consequence, and within the law of compounding, a distraction from reality and a voice of self interest- this can only lead to isolation and a busyness in dogma that is not a state of being happy, real happiness!)

I have the capacity to be as water, to support this physical world, as be so clear that I can, instead of creating hyperbole to thwart and control- such as having to tell others what I am- I can ground myself and stand here, a self willed equal, as the value is realizing that taking self responsibility happens from within, and that means making mis-takes which need not define who I am, and as a process define my words into real relationships with physical living, to increase my ability to process what is here, and know what separates me from what and who I really am. I am physical. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as a superior morality, believing that I am more polished that another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as some dark moral entity, as a belief, as words composing a thought, polarizing values, and distorting reality in and as a state of mind, as imagination without regard and respect to and towards who and what I am as a physical being, here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as a nasty, spiteful, verbally attacking beingness, not seeing realizing and understanding that this is myself in a petrified state of fear.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this back chat that I have accepted and allowed is not what is best for me, or myself being a self willed equal to and towards life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to divide myself from the divine of and as the physical as life, within and as accepting and allowing judgements, comparisons, imaginations, as this is a memory of illusion , based on a past of and as separation from who and what I am as life, as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear a morality, within myself, as what I have allowed to define who and what I am, as false positives that have no promise into what would bring happiness, as a happiness that can withstand the test of time, this happiness being defined as being grounded and potent, here, being sentient as what and who I am as a sentient beingness , being thankful for the physical creation as life manifested.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss the subtle morality I have practiced and embedded, as embraced as a bed of and as who and what I am as a self definition, that lacks equality and oneness with and as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to chase a carrot on a string within and as an idea as a moral of and as the nasty words ‘ don’t you see my polish’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the movement of silent indignation within and as allowing such a thought as ‘ don’t you see my polish’ something practiced as protection and defense in survival, to the point where I had to slow way down, and deconstruct my own movements as energy within and as my memory, my imagination, the accumulation of ideas, as information, to define me, and for this self abdication of myself as life, as that part of me that can in capacity consider all things as this is what is natural as the potential of myself as life, here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how the use of such words as a thought, become silent and barely readable within, as ‘ don’t you see my polish’ and have come to be my own acceptances that suppress myself as life, and , as an act of comparison instead of problem solving, isolate me from what would lend happiness as the real nature of who and what I am as life here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from what is tangible, and potent, and real, as the physical here.

When and as I find myself moving into back chat, as nasty words of protection and defense in and as my mind based on a morality unequal to life, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, as I see realize and understand the real joy of being, as sentient being, that must physical be,  to enjoy being present here, as self willed, self willingness nature, like water, to accept all things and to take that which is good and does no harm, and to practice this, to restore what is natural, as myself as a physical being, to process the information that is here, as the physical to direct myself in ways that enjoy who and what I am for real.

   

When and as I find myself fearing to face my own morality, as false positive that has proven to have no real sustaining promise, I stop and I breath, and I forgive myself to inform myself equal and one to what is here, as the physical, and to process what is happening on this world, to remember myself to more than what is in my immediate environment, to practice processing information as an act of respect for all things, here.

When and as I find myself reverberating back chat that is nasty and dark I stop and I breath, and I see, realize and understand my own accepted and allowed morality, based on survival, and I stop, I breath, I slow down and ground myself,  and I practice using common sense, as who and what I am capable of as a sentient being, to understand here, and stand as what is practically best for all, speaking as measuring, as stating in words, to build thoughts that move as deeds to and towards a knowingness that stands in lasting joy and happiness to share a process in action, that realizes the value of creating in tandem with who and what I am, the physical, and to within this realize that what is here is me, and what is here as all men, is the means to the end, as it has always been, as many working together to build heaven on earth. 

Day 686 Revisiting Blame. Realizing the practice of self forgiveness and self correction.

When I go into anger I go into fear. My reflection is then based on limitation, as I am fearing survival more than being present here, equal and one to the math of existence, a physical existence.

I mean, why does television effective? Why is the measure of it so ubiquitous? Why have a measure constantly broadcast, and all the advertising images, incessantly? Why is a form, as a picture, covering the physical environment in which we life? Why is a child born without religion, nationality, class, gender awareness, skin color awareness? The simplicity of this math, is evident all around us. What blinds us, is evident all around us. What separates us from practical movement in our lives, is all around us. The simplicity of this is astounding, the complexity the consequence of the superimposition of a measure/story that is  extremely limited.

Can we not understand that a fiat currency is our labor? Can we not see that the value from the labor is siphoned off and flowing into a central entity that projects the limitations in contradiction of life: an example the supposed ‘ superman’ story? All the while the fiat currency flows the value being life as in doing, that is done with a collective effort as how things are built, from freely given resources into a centralized regime that touts what suppresses the life within. Are we not all this in measure when we ignore the world around is as we are caught in an imaginary elephant-in-the-room that is the valley of shadows as our minds of thoughts?  So, that centralized regime, feeds of the whole, and touts a god, as a superman- the opposite of life. It is laughable when the reality of the indoctrination is the opposite of practical living. And meanwhile, it has been said again and again and again, that the veil is thin. And it has been said again and again and again that one must stop the ‘ spin ‘ of the memory/mind. And it has been said again and again and again, that we are in a cave watching shadows on a wall.  This slight of hand, this legerdemain is right in front of us, and what is real is under that illusion, that valley of smoke and mirrors .  What is real is right under that constant chatter, it is the physical. 

Why are children placed in a box for 13 years? Why is an absorbent beingness placed in a confined place to create an abstract image of information? What is that information? Is that information the real story? Would this not serve to suppress through a lie-by-omission story? Would this be called a limitation?  And if one practices through repetition being up there in the imagination for 13 years, not to mention the television as entertainment and baby sitting for parents that are a product of the same system, place presence into a very limited structure as that measure/information contained in that centralized regime information measure that serves to move that value as the labor of many, being what builds and creates as how things are done on this earth, into the hands of a few to decide what we eat, what we think, what we use, to control the frustrations from suppressing the full potential of what and who we are a physical beings?

Yet, it is done because we accept it, we allow it. We in this acceptance abdicated ourselves as life. When in reality, no one, and no thing can really decide who and what you are. That which follows is that which can assess and investigate and understand and then make choices that consider all things. Remember, if it is only working for a few, then it is not working. We have allowed a quantum construction of ideas, beliefs and opinions, to direct us, and the consequence is a frustrated life that is not in full expression. A lack of full expression is a suppression, a stress, because it is only through one’s real expression, as full employment of the inherent capacity of what one is as a physical being, does one find ease. The first step is to admit, that one has abdicated one’s self as life. And then, to begin to decode the limitation, forgive it, and ground one’s self back into considering all things, taking that which is good and does no harm. This is to ensure that such a choice never happens again, because we learn through mis-takes. 

Hence, when I blame in any way, I perpetuate the limitation. Every movement within and as me, and every movement around me, if not related to a respect for life as a starting point, as an action of considering the physical, is an act of separation from life. I will in effect, never fit through the eye of the needle, that object that is used to join things together, to create. 

I am in effect, not slowing down when I move into blame. Blame is protection and self defense, in self interest, as that measure of separation of and as mind consciousness that lacks a focus on reality as the physical. To move as a directive principle in respect of the physical, I can address the limitations, being in expression as who and what I am, within realizing the means of a mind consciousness. The information that is a measure unequal to practical reality, is composed of judgement about things as measures of information. It is judgements about self, about others in relation to self, about information. So much of our in-formation an abstract about reality, as the physical. It is like a spinning thing, this entity of separation as imagination that is the mind that so many have said to stop. If one slows down, one can hear the back chat of this mind. 

Thus, why fear this paranormal entity that has no real connection to life, as the physical? The values touted as it, are short lived, meaning they have no longevity, which is why the media is a constant all around us.

Thus, when and as I move into blame, I must slow down, and realize that I have not listened to the information that is here enough to remain stable and consistent within and as directing in respect of what is real, which is the physical. My reaction is a fear of loss, based on survival. The solution is to realize that I need to hear that ‘ song/story’ again, to understand that math, the measure, the form, and then to assess and investigate, until I can un-tie the knot, the mis-take and ground the form/information back into what is a practical action with a stable relationship done in referencing the physical in all ways, always. In this, my starting point wills the ending point.

Last night I was playing with this, and I revisited a moment where I went into competition. I noticed that my thighs became inflamed . It is like needles of crystals climbing into the flesh, It hurts. I have to slow way down and realize the measure I am accepting and forgive it, transform it into what no longer moves, as being information, as belief, opinion of idea, as polarized value judgments, to realize what gives as I would receive .  I am already what it is that is life. That which follows this in-formation of value judgements that is the means of limitation, is that which can slow down and respect the physical. The physical being what is real.

I must realize my expectations, in self interest, in fear of survival as this is what I have accepted and allowed as a practice. All those ideas and desires, like wanting to have children, or wanting to move up in a career. Like wanting to be in a relationship, when the real relationship is here, as being physical, where there are many expressions, not only the limited touted as a value again and again. This the greed to create a life, within a narrow focus. Where one blames everything around one as not being effective. This act in itself a separation from moving into a solution that leaves no one behind.  This act usurious, rent seeking, believing that one knows. When the only solution is to be here, focused in every breath, in every move, realizing the nature of separation as the quantum measure, and the real significance, as the physical world. Within this can I ground myself here, remembering myself to the physical, where I could use the gift of myself , like that feral child, and sense that rabbit 20 meters away? Can I become the master of myself, which is to equalize to the physical world, as this is life information? If not me then who?

Remember the projections of Humpty Dumpty, are sourced from the physical. The stings of the limited information are visible, I need only slow down and stop competing. After all, what is real about who and what I am is physical. 

I can crystalize the water that is me into a fixed measure, or I can  master the flow of myself, as life, and remain constant and consistent with the physical as this is what is real. In effect, knowing myself as what I have accepted and allowed, and realizing where and when I constrict allowing myself to be defined by value judgements in survival, or I can realize the richness of myself as life, here. Within the nature of the richness of myself as life, is an ability to assess, to investigate, to slow down and hear the grass growing, to see the flicker of value judgements as personalities that can only scream the information accepted and allowed that has been allowed to define into a persona that is a separation from equality and oneness to and as life here, as the physical. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be a reaction of blame.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move as a measure of spite and blame, about information instead of slowing down, assessing and investigating the form of what is here, as a mind consciousness, as values that become like an elephant-in-the-room that is an abstract about reality, and thus, a separation from  a compassion that is a starting point of what is best for all, realizing I am life and life in expression is physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move , to direct myself as beliefs, opinions and ideas, as information that I have accepted and allowed to define me causing a separation from seeing, realizing and understanding the value being life, which is physical and always in all ways, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to consequence within and as blaming the consequence and the fault of consequence instead of slowing down and breathing, grounding myself here, being as a starting point in respect of the physical in form and function, to see, realize and understand what is best for all, so that the ending point is the same as the starting point, this being equality and oneness, as the principle of give as I would receive, to realize in small movements, as how things are built, the expression of life as creation information.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand in every moment my acceptances and allowances in self interest, such as value judgements about information, be it personality, or abstracts as words about reality, as information touted and what I have accepted within where I am within a society that is in separation from being equal and one in respect of the physical world being the manifestation of life information.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame the story placed before me, as the information accepted and allowed, and to resist facing this information, that is often a - metaphysical- elephant-in-the-rrom entity, that has only the power I accept and allow it to have.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my greatest strength is my ability to assess and understand as I am by nature that child that can learn to smell like a wolf, so great is the gift of life, able to assess and investigate form and function, which takes practice and time, hence in every moment, I make the decision  to in all ways, always, move from a starting point of what is best for all, as what takes that which is good and does no harm, to move a starting point of equality and oneness into an ending point, and within this to practice until the starting point of equality becomes the ending point here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that blame is  a form of protection and self defense, and therefor a reaction to consequences of a starting point in self interest, where the answer is within the formula, thus, to slow way down, assess and direct within and as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that blame is being lame, as in not taking the time to assess my own acceptances and allowances, and the information that lacks consideration of all things, thus, within and as I find myself moving into blame, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I assess what is here, to see and realize with real eyes, what directs within grounding into a practical action that does no harm and gives what can remain constant and consistent.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge what is here, within and as the information I accepted and allowed as the programming of my experience within the society in which I was born as the values believed to be more than other values, to within and as me, slow way down and realize the value being life, and to consider all things, taking that which is good and does no harm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move into self pity, for my acceptances and allowances.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a self pity in relation to believing that no one understands me, as my value system, as a personality, and within this to see, realize and understand this measure of information and to within every moment remaining within breathing to slow down and ground myself here, becoming in thought word and deed that which is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that limitation is a threat, and to within this, slow way down, assess and ground myself here in the practical, to see, realize and understand a starting point of what is best for all, so that the ending point in every thought word and deed within and as who and what I am stands within the principle of what is best for all, as this is best for myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become intimidated by information.

When and as I find myself moving into blame, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down.

When and as I find myself becoming blame, I stop, and I breath, and I asses what I am spiting as information, and I ground myself within my breath, to assess, to understand, to then move into solution as what is best for all, as what considers all things, to realize a starting point within my actions as the words I speak to create an ending point of respect for the real creation as the physical world.

When and as I find myself moving into protection and self defense as blame, I stop and I breath and I assess what information I am accepting and allowing within and without, and I assess and I check my physical body to see , realize and understand the richness of the life that is me, here, as all things are me in another life here.

When and as I find myself reacting, within and as my thighs and my chest area, as a constriction, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself way down, until I am gentle and calm, at ease, and stable, and I assess what designs are around me, and the practical nature of the physical, to see, realize and understand a compassion that takes that which is good and does no harm and makes clear the practical steps that lead to a solution.

When and as I find myself believing that the information around me, either in separation from reality, or the information of reality as the physical being too difficult to understand, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, and I realize, and I understand the practical as this is to consider all things as the function of the physical, to ground myself here, and move into solution as the simple movements here in the moment, as this is how life is built, from moment to moment, being present here, respecting the richness of life information as the physical.

When and as I find myself reacting to information, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I transform my within entity of ideas, beliefs and opinions, into what is grounded here, and in respect of the practice of physical living, to become the directive principle in every moment as every starting point to realize an ending point of what is best for all, in thought word and deed.

When and as I find myself moving into blame, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I catch what I have rejected and resisted, to realize my own generated limitations as beliefs, opinions and ideas, to assess and transform back into respecting the practice of physical living, giving as I would receive, to live in thought word and deed the richness of life, as the physical here.

When and as I find myself moving into anger, I stop and I breath, I slow myself down, and I realize the solution is to consider all things as the physical, to ground myself into the richness of life, as life being the real value, as the practice of respecting the physical.

When and as I find myself wanting to blame, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself way down and I see, realize and understand the habit of ignoring the emotional storm in fear of survival, as a behavior I have accepted and allowed, and I assess the information until I am stable, calm, steady and able to assess in clarity the measure within and without, to move into solutions that solve problems and ground presence into the richness of creation as the practice of respect for the physical, here.

When and as I find myself moving into self pity as a reaction for my own acceptances and allowances, and the shame of my self interest in protection and self defense in ignorance of the practice of respecting what is real as the physical, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize that sadness is more of the same, as self pity, and self aggrandizement,  until I am stable within and as my breath, and I assess, and cross reference in relation to my physical body and the information as the measure of the practical physical world around me, and I take that which is good and does no harm, to become the living word of what is practical in step by step movement, to ensure that my presence is rich in awareness of all things, to live in thought, word and deed, what is best for all here.

Day 601 The Worry for Security

So much of my time during the years with my children was worry about remaining stable and being secure. This was in tandem with watching my children. From the time my second child was seven this was a large part of what I worried about. Even when my children were really small and my husband and I decided that remaining with them during the day was what would be best, I remember having thoughts that it unnerved me not to have job, not to be making sure I was secure, because I equated security with money, and felt that depending on someone else made me vulnerable. I even remember thinking to myself to calm me down, “ it is okay.”

Because of this, I have this chatter in my mind where I am constantly thinking about being secure, that I cannot depend on the system, or my family, or anyone but myself. Not that this desire to be responsible is a bad, but the occupation of the whole desire as thoughts in and as my mind, as wanting to have the means to be stable. Now that I am older and my children are out of the house, I include them.

If I allow this to be so much of what motivates/occupies me, and/or what I find I am creating pictures of in my mind as some event that might come along and disturb this, and/or what I feel would be the scenario where I am in that kind of security, I am not actually here fully. And the past as this fear, remains with me, and I find I move into the imagination as it, missing what people say at times, or putting things off because with all this chatter going on, I have abdicated my own focus here, and stopping this inner drama appears to be too difficult. Walking self forgiveness has helped quiet this storm, investigating our present sold system structures  as our government and our financial system, has helped because knowing the structure of here, and investigating how anything works gives clarity into necessary actions.  Also, in becoming more practically clear, the backchat becomes smaller, yet I notice it still exists, I just pull it back and direct because in the end I can only live here, as this is a physical form of creation, which is simply common sense. That what is real is hidden right in front of us, is in itself a red flag. If we look at so many of our systemic beliefs, the physical is demonized in so may ways. This is us rejecting life. And yet, that which is right in front of us, reveals itself in every way, showing the way forward. Unless we believe that the voices in our minds define us, and/or are real, not stopping to look at what thought is in reality overall. It really is like an echo, a susurrus occupation in the background of fear, of rejection of being here with creation.

So, I forgive the ideas, beliefs and opinions in and as my mind, I write them out, then correct them to focus myself here directly, to become one and equal with and as creation as the physical here. Then can I see here, pass through the eye of the needle and remain stable with physical reality, being directive through moving as what does no harm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to worry.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from myself as life as my common sense, and to allow the voices in and as my mind to be what I am here, instead of standing here, equal and one with and as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must have a job, where I earn money to feel secure and stable in a physical world where the physical is the life I am as me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to occupy my life with and as back chat of fear in not being stable because I do not have a job and as such will not have the money as the means to remain stable here, not stopping to question why money has come to determine life on earth, when the value is being physical and as such respecting and moving and building a system that respects simple existence as allowing the full potential of life as the physical flourish which means room to change and transform, to expedite and develop creation which would allow all the focus that is the fulfillment of purpose in and as creation here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a voice in and as my mind of “ it is okay” to placate the fear that I feel which overall is an act of ignoring the whole, as the part that is me as a human being in creation as what I am here on earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand immediately those moments where I separate myself from here, existing as knowledge and information as idea  only without practical application, and as such accepted this format without asking questions,  abdicating myself as life, as my common sense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that as this, I become a physical movement within and as me as energy as thoughts as memories, that separates the focus of me, as my common sense from here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become inferior to life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in this separation I allowed this inner back chat to define me, instead of remaining here, equal and one to and with the physical world, creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine security

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine security being taken away.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in imagining security or the lack thereof, I am in essence not here, looking here directly with and as that which is the value, which is being here, which is physical.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding the lack of ease as me this separation creates, which is a focus on limitation only and not a community with creation as this physical world as this earth here, as this is where solutions exists because this is myself here, as my own common sense of reality that is me.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding how this separation confines me, binds me, holds me in a very narrow view of that which is the means of me as the physical here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how this inversion of and as me, builds a resistance to seeing directly here as what I am as a physical being as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how the tension of this stagnates me, not allowing the ease of and as me as my common sense, to accept what is here as the physical, being and expressing with gratitude as the principle of life, which is the principle of equality and oneness, the principle of take that which is good and does no harm, the principle of give as one would receive, the principle of respecting the means and the ways of life being which is the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to reject what is in front of me, as I have allowed myself to be tied to ideas, beliefs and opinions, instead of remaining here, in practical application of physical reality being creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to build ivory towers as ideas, beliefs and opinions in and as my mind, racing towards this imagination, unequal to here, as my value system as ideas was done in self interest without consideration of life and the racing to and towards these ideas ignored the practice of real living.

When and as I find myself becoming secretive with and as myself I stop and I breath and I slow myself down to see, realize and understand what I am hiding in and as the ideas, beliefs, opinions, fantasies,  imaginations, back chat, desires, wants and needs within and as my mind, 

When and as I find myself no longer hearing what is here in front of me, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I bring myself here, grounding myself in the physical here.

When and as I find myself moving into worry, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I assess, investigate, examine, step out of time, evaluate what is before me, taking that which is good and does no harm, to become at ease, with and as breath here.

When and as I find myself  racing as in not hearing what has been said, or losing patience, or judging the appearance of another, even as their words, I stop and I breath and i slow myself down and I see, realize and understand that I can only hear here, equal and one as the physical, directing in ways that do no harm, taking that which is good, here.

When and as move into am imagination of gloom and doom, I stop and i breath and I slow myself down and I ground myself here, as it is only here that i can step, that i can crawl, that i can change, that i can transform, that I can become equal and one with creation and as such  see to stand equal and one with and as what is me as life information, here.

When and as I find myself feeling overwhelmed with here, as the limitations, within and without, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I assess, evaluate, common sense physical, practical reality here, to stand as what is best for all, respecting life as the physical that is me here.

When and as I find myself whirl-reasoning in and as my mind, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, seeing the physical world directly, assessing practical applications that direct in ways that do no harm, and consider all things, to stand equal and one with and life here as this is me accepting the breathe of creation.

Day 590 Who I am within the culture of woman. Day 5 Self forgiveness and Self Correction.

Day 5 Who I am within the culture of women.

I have been so busy reacting as being in expression of judgement as imagining that I am not being substantiated- all of which is based on self defining labels, that I have distracted myself from my own common sense. I even fear the reactions of self defining values being rendered meaningless, and placed into perspective in practical reality because an allowance over time of such emotional states to define  can become volatile and reactive as my automated defined self becomes stagnant where change becomes an illusion of loss when called out.  There is a part of me, a voice in my head that says, “ why the fuck do I have to do this” and “ why do I have to take the time to set this BS straight”  And “ get a grip and grow up, stop distracting others into your pity patter,” “ Look, no one is really trying to hurt anyone, it is all a big mis-understanding” and “ How dare you bring that BS here!” This is the voice as the back chat of protection and self defense of an ego construct, a self built value system that is a separation from being equal and one to practical reality here, where flow happens, which is where creation happens.  Do I continue to exist as a value judgement or do I become what i am, a creator?

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my inner world is of idea, belief and opinion, and not equal and one in consideration of practical life, here, which is life in expression, and as that point of expression, as a form, change happens here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to act in self interest in wanting to define myself in a bubble in separation from reality, from life, thus I am that which I accepted and allowed a separation from being equal and one to creation, which is manifested as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow resistances as ideas, and beliefs and opinions, in and as my mind, as an entity of stagnation as imagination, fantasies, projectiles of protection and self defense as idea and behaviors of suppression to maintain my own fantasy/imagination all done in self interest/self inner-rest  where anything that threatens my own idea about myself I react to as I fear change, as I fear that which would equalize myself to and as life as ironically that which I seek, that equal respect of all life being where I live the full potential of myself as life, as this is self honesty where I allow myself to move and flow with what is real, as the physical realizing that the physical world is an expression of me and of all life, as each is me in another life expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that what another thinks of me, which is an act of comparison from a starting point of a self interest as self definition cannot define me, unless I accept and allow it as idea, belief and opinion, as life is an expression of which must by nature sound what is best for all to withstand the test of time and have the stability to sustain itself into eternity, which means change, into and as, what is best for all here, which is the joy and the fun of it all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that when and as I have back chat, as voices in and as my mind of “ Why do I have to put up with the emotion”, or “ Why do I have to put up with this BS” or “ get a grip” or “Who does she think she is” I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I bring this back to myself, as this is a red flag of belief as self definition which is a movement, a limited expression accepted and allowed as me that is in conflict and friction with practical reality, and that even if I have noted a limitation without, it is to move into solution in realizing nothing defines me unless I allow it, and to take the belief, insight and to assess the form and align this into what would allow awareness into that which gives expression that considers all life, that brings focus, that is self honest and as such is a solution of self honesty, self responsibility which is stable and sustainable, and can withstand the test of time.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become reaction only, as emotion, and desire for a feeling of gain, a feeling of value as an idea only.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not listen to myself to see, realize and understand the very sound of my voice, as myself when in more stable and giving situations can speak in a consistent tone that needs no force.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how physically I close myself up, pull myself in, suppress myself, as I believe what another thinks defines me, and/or my own beliefs that I have allowed to define me, may be lost and as such I would cease to exist, or so I believe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that I as life am common sense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become equal and one, as expression of life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I fear, as in physically form myself  inferior to life as conceptually allowing one aspect to be more than another, I tense/close/constrict/pull inward/invert which is like compress within and “ burn” in a righteous protective manner, creating an energetic storm, as an emotion, that believes itself righteous, right, as I focus on an idea, belief and opinion only, and as such separate from life expression, from being a reciprocal action of giving as I would want to receive in thought word and deed , my accepted limited expression of energy as an idea, as a judgement,that shuts/rejects myself  as life, as this self honesty where I am a being in expression of common sense of all as me, of life in expression around me as the physical.

When and as I find myself reacting within and as me, becoming inferior to what is here as life in expression, be it energy as belief, opinion and/or idea, as a value used to define, a limitation that is not necessarily a good or a bad, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand the information presented and I assess, through evaluation, examination of the parts presented and I move as the moment here, realizing that life is of a sound expression, and that this is the practical application of common sense, realizing that the value is being here, in focus as respecting life as the value, and I apply the principle as this, within and as what is best for all, taking in life formation practically to practice that which does no harm and takes that which is good.

When and as I find myself reacting to a value, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I assess within me, my own accepted and allowed habit of self definition before life, to see where I am seeking profit in self interest as a self definition visible as a reaction of taking things personally, an overall separation from common sense, and I bring myself here, ground myself in the practical here, realizing nothing can be lost and all can be gained in realizing/accepting all life  as me, which means becoming practical, practicing equal consideration of physical reality as being life, living life being the value.

When and as I feel a pressure building up in my solar plexus, I stop and I breath, and I see what thoughts as belief, opinions and ideas, as my past of exposure to culture and experience within limited ideas that had no real self substantiation as life,  built of opinions and beliefs that I accepted and allowed to define me, manifest as the voices in and as my mind consciousness system construct, as energy as what is good and what is bad, as what I resist that is persisting as beliefs circulating and accumulating within and as me, falling into my solar plexus, and I stop, and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I look at the human code as the words and values attached to the words, as generational value systems in separation and limitation of life information as reality here, and I asses and deconstruct through self forgiveness, and reconstruct within the principle of what is best for all here.

When and as I find myself reacting and moving into justification and protection and self defense, I stop and I breath, and I realize what would give solution through investigation of here practically, as in looking at the detail of here, within taking that which is good and does no harm, and within this realizing that nothing can define me unless I accept and allow it, and to realize in practice that to become a belief that I am unworthy in any measure is a disrespect of life as what I am, and I stabilize myself here until I am grounded, here.

When and as I find myself believing myself inferior and/or self aggrandizing as imagination into a belief as being superior, I stop and I breath, and I look at my thoughts as my back chat in and as my mind, to self correct through self forgiveness into what is best for all, as what is a practical application of myself here as a physical being in a physical reality, to see the practical steps necessary to direct myself here.

When and as I practice being practical here, in consideration of life being the  value, I slow down, I breath, I sense the thoughts within and as me, I sense the posture of my human physical body, the instrument of my self expression as life, here, to realize where I am not equal and one to life here, as an actualized movement of equality and oneness to and as life here as the physical, to see where I am not of sound mind, meaning to realize where I am not moving with ease, with flow, with forgiveness here, as the words I speak and the tone with which I speak, and the assessment of the physical world around me in respect of life, as this is the way and the means to equalizing myself to the physical as an instrument of life, which is accepting the gift of life here, to become equal in creation with life as the physical.