Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Day 356 The lesser self imagination as projection reacting to self judgement.

I have a person staying at my house. I have noticed that they basically have two “ Moods” one is “ dark/closed/vacuous” and the other is lively/smiley/happy.
It’s like, “ who are we today, what face cometh forth? So this perspective I took back to myself. On one side, the negative polarity, I fear failing, I fear rejection, I fear saying the wrong thing, I fear being seen, I fear having to speak up, I fear being ignored, I fear losing what i have. On the other I realize I become authoritative, busy, officious, proud. It is like this is how I project myself as what I have learned to be of purpose within what organizes and is the way to take care of my life. But the values of this as the being of myself within the negative face, the emotional face, is so busy with itself as its’ nature that it does not stop and look here in common sense. The positive “ directive” personification has a whole set of rules about how to be organized and efficient. It is not to ignore some of these guidance structures, as the remediation within what worked and what did not work is fine, but it is to not take this personally - or to label another within such a way also- but to use this to realize what works that prevents a mistake and to reflect where the mistake was not being self as life, meaning in equal consideration of all life, which means using this actual physical world and becoming aware of what works and that perhaps what created any friction and conflict was a self interested desire that rejected and neglected equal consideration as in loving your neighbor as yourself, which means being patient with a neighbor when they are acting in self interest! It is the being of self in self interest within limited consideration that the existent system is one of inequality and that the physical world is what supports us in form and function that is the mis-take, not the person, as the person is capable of understanding life, it might take some time, but there is no other choice, as we all know that anger and stress as fear of loss, the byproducts of inequality supported by unequal distribution of what supports and allows self responsible development physically and mentally , does not a state of health create.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from a common sense of what is best for all in and as myself as life to judging myself as a failure, to believing myself to be incapable of looking here, to feeling less than in reaction to a reaction of separation from life as the voice of blame and spite and judgement within and as the world I was raised where some values were made bigger than others to suit survival in a pyramid scheme that is the outward manifestation of an inward self abdication of life as myself and every other human on earth.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I created a personification of values, as belief, opinions and ideas, to suit myself to be ready to survive as I hid from myself as life, into and as energy as consciousness , a lesser self, a divided self , and then became automatic within and as this, thereby creating a restlessness within and as me as I was not utilizing myself as life and as such became disquiet in and as myself within into a nervous maintenance of constantly checking the limited order of myself I had created as a lesser self and within this lived a restlessness that had a sense within that somehow the promise of my choices, as ideas learned as a child, did not materialize, and yet it was not the existence in many aspect that was good or bad, it was the limitation that withheld a full sensation and interaction with life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have inner conversations that were concerned with ideas as to how I was supposed to be as a woman, as a wife, as a female, as a teacher, as social interaction where I did not consider the physical world and the lives of others on earth as the plants and the animals and the soils and the rocks and the water of this earth as I considered only the human societal structure and the proper perspective of keeping a ‘ peace” within this limited interaction that in totality as mankind , was in separation from being one and equal in consideration of all material things that are of this actual physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how what is here is a sound of life, meaning a movement in and as life, and as such, when in separation causes a friction and conflict with here as it has no real substance to hold onto of which self as life is composed, meaning there is no “ holding” to seek, and thus loses ground and becomes reactive, which can only be directed within the principle of what is best for all as all that is here is of the sound of life, and therefor can only be life when allowing life here, thus any destruction and or killing of life cannot be life, as the only choice is to allow life, as this is an action of understanding life, in all forms, even those people and children, plants and animals, sands and soils in the middle east, thus to bomb a country is not an act of supporting life, of allowing life, and thus is an act against life, as all acts that are of destruction are acts of friction and conflict, which is an indication of a separation from common sense of how the physical world functions and such is acrime against life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the simplicity of this, and that it is the friction and conflict as a state of being in and as energy, in and as ego, in and as consciousness, as actions of blame and spite, of destruction and disregard that is an extreme state of disease as in fearing a loss, fearing death, that builds a complication when not addressed that develops consequences that take over the directive of ourselves as life in trying to fix the consequence that was created because of a separation from life, from equal consideration of life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my back chat in and as my mind is the voice of trying to fix the consequence of my own accepted and allowed separation from life only trying to solve within a scenario of pros and cons within limited associations as human society without regard to all life, of which no solution can be found.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how much I listen to the consequence of my separation from life, as the voices of more than and less then being in answer to the consequence of my separation instead of seeing the catch 22 for what it is, this division from life that is myself judging here as what is less than and the means to a more than as the positive, this being in a state of friction an conflict weighing options within limited means, where no answer can be found as the only answer is within and as equality and oneness with and as life, which means being equal and one with all that is here, as the plants and the animals and the trees, and the soils and the water, that none of this can be owned as it is in totality a composition of life here, and thus is the way and means to being life, so destruction of this in any way is inequality with and as life here.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that all reactive expression are of energy and thus cannot touch me unless I accept and allow them, as I am life, as I can stand within and as the directive principle as what i am and become equal and one with and as life in accepting what is here as earth as all on this earth and directing myself within equal consideration as the principle of what is best for all, as what always brings friction and conflict as judgement and fear of loss back to what supports absolutely through understanding how the physical human body functions as consciousness, through explaining how here works, as what is here is many forms in expression of life, and that these forms can be seen realized and understood, it is the separation from self as the sound of life being in full capacity as individual and collective common sense of same substance as what is that which is the basis of all life on this earth and all of existence.

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