Day 748 Looking at frustration to realize my own fear.

That point where i become frustrated, I can use as a red flag , in terms of what behaviors I choose and use to direct myself within, as a moment. If I lose myself to frustration, I become inferior to myself, unequal to moving through the border of my ability to ‘ know the score’, or process the math, or use my common sense. This is realizing the border of my awareness, slowing down and realizing greater and more subtle detail, about the world around me. This is the point where I have to assess, investigate and make a choice to move, to self direct, not being hard on myself when I make a mis-take, as I have entered a new territory. Here, it is to focus myself, having a greater faith in the command of myself as who and what I am as a human being. The sensibilities of what I am, as physical life, as life in expression, to see, realize and understand here. Also, to cross reference my own synchronistic level with reality, and the reality around me. It is also to understand the levels of development, to listen to the focus of another, and move from that point forward as this is me in another life. Also, to realize that being in a situation where I impart my natural sensibility as the physical, if a form of physical learning, and thereby something that can move with greater efficiency - even though reading about something once mastering a certain level of awareness can be helpful, there is nothing like the abstract as ideas, beliefs and opinions made real through physical cross referencing. Meaning, what is an idea, must move in synch with the practical physical reality, and that with ease, otherwise force is used, and that is moving against working with something in harmony- which is actually realizing that one can leave nothing behind. It is all a beautiful design leading one forward, if each human being made the decision to respect all things, and live as the principle of what is best for all. 

This is what the practice of self forgiveness, writing and practical application, leading to a self directive capacity manifest as the real potential of men, is all about. This is the process, on could say, of removing the veil, that thing within, a resonant thing, that is too big to fit through the eye of the needle. Meaning to self realize self as life, equal and one to the physical, as this is all things and not only that bubble of information in one’s head, or one’s mind, or one’s consciousness. As that bubble is a consciousness of separation.  That degree of separation, a construct of limitation, as ideas, beliefs, and opinions,  destroys the physical body, as the self as the body,  moves counter to the physical, and degrades because it  essentially does not fit. This could be said to be a rejection of life. It is an outcome of being unequal to life. It is being unequal to the physical.

Back to my own review of when and as I find myself getting frustrated. In these moments, I have to assess, investigate and slow way down. In a recent encounter, I remember a moment of frustration, as a fear, where I stood back, physically stood up to stand more on the side. How I remember this tiny movement, was that I noticed a movement that I would call a kind of slow motion in another person. That moment where I sensed this, was the moment I stood back. I reacted, I did not want to face that ‘ measure’ of slow motion, where I felt the person moved in a thick soup, or a conceptual sluggishness - as I would call it in this moment. I reacted with resistance, or could I say fear- towards that ‘ entity’ of movement, of song, of math.  I wanted to run.  One could say, from one perspective that I feared this ‘ entity’ defining me. One could say that I allowed this ‘ entity’ to have authority over me.  Somehow, though this is true, it does not fit what i allowed. Also, I have to say, that I could go back and check my own movements, that I could catch this one moment, is cool. This process is cool. 

Again, back to this issue. lol.  I could say, I was like a snob, and did not want to go into that ‘ soup’ that construction, that math.  It might, like a virus, consume me, or so I believed. This attitude overall towards this, or, my perspective towards this, is telling in itself.  It is like stepping into a shadow, and realizing it need not define me, and directing the parts into looking at reality, to live in greater synchronicity with life. It is removing the tensions of fear that force protection instead of a command of self effectively.  I recognize on some level, the impetus of this reaction, made habit, practiced again and again, compounding and accumulating into no-longer-recognizing this behavior, burying it under blame and spite, hiding it in justifications, labeling the objects around me as the fault, when it was not myself, seeing directly and instead directing myself in-fear-ior to life.  I also notice shame and self hate, as I realize so often we are the hardest on ourselves, because we understand that we are the ones who did not slow down and practice resolution into calming the waters of fear. Meaning , in my case,  choosing to not address something because of a fear of punishment. There may be some desires there, that motivated this forward too, yet what I sense is that this is more a consequence of a fear of punishment. And, to realize that as a child, I probably did not have the vocabulary to voice, to vocalize what was happening. It is revelatory in the resonant sense, as it is colored more with an unnamed fear than something more defined. And yet, that ‘ entity’ that I label as being ‘ sluggish’ and soupy, is the same, it lacks real definition, it moves in slow motion.  Also, before I started self forgiveness, I spoke in terms of “ why does it appear to me that people are losing conceptual ability”, as one of the things I was saying to myself.  I also recognize that the same ‘ color’ or tenor’ of what I resisted, and as my movement into frustration, is the same or very similar. It is like a shadow on my heart. 

Did I accumulate knowledge and information, read and read and read many books to find a way through this? Did I run towards the means to an end, to avoid that same end? Did I sense on some level that I needed to process more in-formation, to face this storm of fear, or separation, and run from what was always right in front of me? Yes.  I can realize that I have worked with a dog that had a lot of behaviors of fear, where I patiently stood as a different behavior,  until the dog relaxed and moved with greater ease, and less reaction in an environment. This dog, becoming more and more accepting of people walking towards him to pet him, whereas in the beginning the dog would react, tense up, become restless, though exhibiting some caution and restraint at the same time. Overall, this change not something that can be transferred in any other way, but with and as the physical. Something that must happen on the ground - to note in relation to this of which I speak.  Thus, overall, I have the capacity to realize the red flag of resistance when I stand back and convince myself that something is impossible, which is really a point of frustration, that is what I have not faced, as the state of fear moving in a perpetual rhythm, and instead embracing the vocal point, and realizing where ‘ Goldilocks stands’ as the border of understanding, to then spell a sentence using words, that opens greater insight, of which I would want for myself, as such moments are so precious, they are often the most memorable, as being something hard to forget, as they have a great power. They are also the means to the end, and recognized with gratefulness as a part of the nature of them within me.

Overall, the more I realize, for which I am thankful within and as this process of journeying to life, the more I realize, that this has to be done on the ground, as though the network of men, must come back down to earth, which must be lived, on the ground- as I said.  Greed and a desire to control, must stop. What matters if building a network, that sees this reality directly, correcting the math, the inner structure to respect all things, removing the veil of separation of a lesser god/structural resonance/mind consciousness and thereby building communities of man who live equal and one with the physical, doing no harm, taking that which is good. This is priceless.

When and as I find myself moving into frustration, I stop, I face what I see as an ‘ entity’ of slow motion as something I have noticed with greater clarity, this having a quality of and as being heavy with fear, laden with ideas, beliefs and opinions, and I embrace the conception. I slow down and breathe, walk the form within and without, relate to the practical physical reality, deconstruct and reconstruct, embrace and accept, change and reform and keep my feet on the ground. I see, realize and understand that I can open my heart, and hear the “song”, that it need not define me, as I am flexible, to become more a measure of respecting life, here to realize the greatness of life, to life with more consistency what I have done in other moments, thereby becoming more constant in grounding my presence here. 

Day 582 My Personality with Women Self Forgiveness

In the next blogs I am going to walk a point within my relationships with women. 

My personality with women.

I had a memory come up during a conversation about women and how it is more difficult for me to talk with other woman then it is with men.

As I talked about the memory, I could feel my eyes begin to fill up with water, with tears. Though I felt somewhat calm about this memory, my eyes and the tears welling up told another story.

I had a friend in elementary school. We would hang out and, as I remember it, laugh with abandon, as though just being together was a joy and this joy expressed itself in laughter. I specifically remember sitting on a wall, legs dangling, the two of us laughing, just looking at one another being enough to laugh.

It came to pass, that my father, a journalist, wrote an article about my friend’s mother, one that was not well received by my friend’s mother.

From that day on, I never saw my friend again, we were no longer allowed to be friends, to visit with one another. I remember calling and being told that my friend was busy. This friend even started to attend another school, so the separation was sudden and complete.

I remember being very upset and saying to my father that it was not fair.  How could I be deprived of this friendship? 

I remember feeling like I lost something that was irreplaceable.

I remember wanting to blame my father for writing such an article.

I remember wanting to blame my friend’s mother for keeping my friend from me.

I remember wanting to understand why my friend could not stand up against this, as though this was something she had to do as well.

I remember getting angry at my mother for being told that I needed to get over it and that another friend would come along, and that sometimes things like this happen. I really did not want to accept that I could not be with this friend based on  what an adult had said about the other adult.

I became very spiteful towards everyone around me because I could no longer visit my friend. It was like I went into a tantrum after being sad about losing my friend. As the memory is charged with emotion, with the loss of my friend, with the loss of my laughter with another person that was of ease and had no value other than just being together and laughing I have to slow down and forgive this  memory, the sense of loss, the association of loss to the joy of laughter, the ensuing justifications and anger into blame and spite towards the adults in my world and the system, and the questions as to why that were never resolved, as there is a lack of understanding of how values have defined us in a game of survival based on ideas about who we are instead of realizing the value is simply being here, and in the process of self expression, which demands becoming aware. And yet, within the present system of competition, there is going to be not only constructive criticism but also spiteful remarks and reactions from a lack of remembering that growth in awareness and development takes time and requires mistakes as a natural part of the learning process and that what one person says about another does not define them, it is just a point made, thus the point must be cleared instead of the limitation of seeking punishment based on an idea about something that was said, when what one believes someone had said, may have nothing to do with what was said.

Here it is easy to see how we become so limited, and that “ storm” is one of emotion, which is an energetic emotion, that squirms and spites and blames, spinning around and around, going nowhere, creating a good and a bad, where self becomes a personification of spite and blame projected outward and self carries no real responsibility as creation, this responsibility being the stead of moving into solutions once such a division has occured, that resolve the divisions into judgements, those acts of diminishing those around us within behaviors of limiting comments about another, where the solution is to do that which allows self expression in understanding what is here practically as creation to move in respect of all life, as this being-ness with creation is much more directive and fulfilling.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel sad about the loss of my friend.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that something was lost in the loss of my friend

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that the world came to an end with the loss of my friend.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that if I feel laughter, the joy to want to laugh that the world of laughter will inevitably be taken away, where it is to realize that this is a memory, a past event, one that only defines me if I accept and allow it, as I realize that it is an act based on beliefs of what defines oneself .

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame my father for writing something that took my friend away.

I forgive myself for spiting my father for writing something that took my friend away.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself believe that something that was written took my friend away

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to spite my mother for saying that I would get over losing my friend and that new friends would come along to take the place of this friend, as though everything was disposable and replaceable.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that the world was a cruel and mean place to live because of social politics, because an adult extended what was said about one aspect of their life onto other aspects of their life, using the people around them to fight battles they believed were an onslaught against them, when it may just have been constructive criticism, and if it were not, then it was not something to define them, because in the end nothing defines us but what we accept and allow.

Within this I forgive myself for allowing and  accepting myself to believe that the loss of my friend was a spiteful act, when it was an act of self defense in a world where criticism of another is taken as fact and not investigated to see if it is constructive or just plain spiteful, because if it is constructive criticism then it is a gift to accept, and if it is spite, it is something to let go of, and as such, criticism of what someone does is not something to take personally and react to in using extended family as a means of retaliation, as just as I write here, that spiting and blaming my parents and the parents of my friend and my friend is not the solution, as the solution is to look at what was said, assess it and take that which is good, as that which might give insight in developing and expanding awareness, and/or to realize in practical common sense as being spiteful, and not something to take personally, which, in looking at both possible scenarios, one is self empowered to assess and then stand addressing the issue instead of going into acts of retaliation and revenge, of vindictive behavior to protect an idea about oneself based on the words of another, as protecting ideas about oneself in a state of being in protection and self defense instead of looking at what supports self in standing in ways that give self direction and the strength of self honesty.

Within this, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that losing my friend meant that I lost the capacity of myself to enjoy the world around me, because I had placed laughter within a limited context as being something with this friend only.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that despite losing my friend, and even if this loss was based in the accepted and allowed  societal behaviors of spite and blame, on a lack of self honesty and ability to realize constructive criticism and competition,  fear of the words being a belief that the words of another defines the receiver of the words, does nothing to build a sound character who can withstand emotional storms of judgement, taking that which is good and does no harm and letting go of what is a consequence of believing words define us instead of words being the way and the means to communicate insights to allow us to expand in the understanding of life being the value.

When and as I find myself with water welling up in my eyes, I stop and I breath and I see, realize and understand that I was a child, caught in a world of competition within limited  beliefs that what another says about us defines who and what we are, in all a separation from and of the value being life, so why do we believe that words can define us, when they can change and are the way and the means of change as words are how we communicate and describe what is here, thus words are tools more than weapons, words are insight more than label, words are units to show us where we came from and where we are and where we can move to, that movement being what expands our awareness and understanding, movements that allow transformation, as this is life in formation from one expression to another, which is how we learn to become equal and one to being the creators that we are as being the very substance of life, were we not, then we would not be. Thus, it is to be here, and to realize that spiting and blaming as word formations/expressions, which is a sound formation, is a limitation of self being life in expression which is creation which is accepting change and development and  discerning what expands realizing that spite and blame and fear of being defined by words of another, is self in abdication of life, here.

When and as I become sad at the loss of a friend based on a politic of belief that what another says defines me/us, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I see realize and understand that this belief that what another says about oneself when believed to define us, is a self feeling threatened and a fear of losing some standing within the community which is a behavior of survival instead of a behavior of being self honest, a behavior of looking at what another says and assessing the constructiveness of it, or lack thereof.

When and as I find myself believing that I lost a friend, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that though this might have been an instance where the adults in the wold around me allowed what was said to threaten their self definitions, this act cannot define who and what I am here.

When and as I find myself becoming sad, within and as the loss of my friend, where tears well up in my eyes , I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I see realize and understand that I was a child in an adult world, and as such I am now the adult, so this past can only define me if I accept and allow it.

When and as I find myself becoming tearful based on a memory of the past about the sudden loss of a friend, I stop and I breath and I see realize and understand that I can laugh and be here, that I do not need one specific person to determine my ability to laugh,  as life is here, in this moment, and that I can only be here, in this moment as this is where life is lived.

Day 577 Suppression: believing the entities of belief are real.

Suppression Character

I have had some problems in my chest, it feels like there is this shield there. The pressure from this has been bothering me for some time.

So, I looked at this point as a point of suppression. This suppression comes in a form or constriction, and if I go to look at the fear, there really is nothing there but ideas and beliefs, and opinions about things I never really took the time to investigate in practical common sense terms. Meaning, I separated myself from what I am here, a physical state of being as this is where I live and move and breath and exist. Here is what is real. If I am in separation from this, I am actually living in a mind construct, a projected idealism that separates the within of and as me from the without as this physical world that is the expression of life. Without this physical world I cannot exist, as this was here, and will be here when I am no longer here. And I can only continue as life, and life accepts all things, because the nature of life is creation. Creative ability is a transformative ability as this is how things are formed. And form reveals function. Form is both the particle and the wave. Makes sense. Thus, the physical world is life and must begin to move in ways that respect all of it.

Last night as I talked with someone, I looked at the movement in my chest area. I looked at where I created ideas about a situation more than just being here, at ease, realizing that I have the capacity to direct myself in ways that  allow myself to determine what I am. Meaning, what am I allowing to define me, more than taking anything personally being said, or being believed - as idea, and within this realizing that change is a  natural part of life and that all around me is transformation in every moment.

So, within my chest I could let the “ rise” of needing to protect, in this moment, go, and breath, I was here.

To some extent, I realized that what is considered the mundane, is what is real, and within this that realizing the mundane allows me to have the space and the time to participate within the slow physical movement of transformation, because there is plenty of space to be here, to take the time to see, and realize what is here. It is only the busyness of the mind that appears to have no time, and a consequence of having allowed this on earth as what men have been doing, is what has created the systemic structures that have all running after money to survive, as an idea as a self definition in ignorance of the practical physical world, has been defining us, and manifesting a projection as our present system that is overall, in separation from life, from being equal to creation. 

It is like allowing myself to become the beLIEf I allowed and letting it fall as me, back down to the ground here, like accepting it, and realizing there is really no place to fall. It is letting the self definitions go and then beginning to stand here, in common sense of that which I am that is life as this actual physical world.

Interesting that the habituated self, remains and as this, sadness is letting one thing go, this projected personality, and turning into rebuilding, because any equality to life has not really been lived. Earth, our hearth, our heart, must be aligned here in expression with and as accepting the physical as creation. What we believe as mind, is meta-physical, not good or bad, but a projection from the physical world, dependent on it.

This one incremental movement, to just let this “ down” as my heart area, as not reacting, as not constricting, opened up the shield, lessened its intensity and gave direction that was of more ease than that act of tension in protection and self defense based on an abstracted idea of reality. Is this what Christ meant when he said “ though I walk in the valley of the shadow of good and evil, I see no evil”?  and within this, what I see is the potential of life, of creation being denied and that it is here within us, right in front of us? Are there many who realize that war is not the answer, war is an act that bears no witness to life, is only  a system of profit based on an idea that one projected self definition of more exists than another idea of more in separation of the context of creation? This really is a melodramatic movie happening in the minds of men that destroys to allow an egotistical construction that is a bubble self only.

I can decide what defines me, I can shape what I am within, and the physical world is me, and is what stabilizes me here, as I am of the same substance and as such, a part of creation. So, it is to bring myself back down to here, equal and one with and as what has been labeled as “ mundane” to accept the gift of life as the physical. 

Thus.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to constrict in and as my chest area, to tense up based on an idea in and as my mind, in fear and reaction as protection and self defense, overall a separation from being equal in common sense of creation as the physical here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that an abstract entity as a thought is more than reality as the physical, as the physical is life information, life in expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear losing an idea of what i am here, not a good or  a bad but a selection of the qualities of what is here, where one quality is made less than another, and where according to exposure and opportunity more self direction has been learned but even this overall, is in limitation of creation as the physical,  as were it not so, then this world would be heaven on earth, an expression of the physical world at ease, communicating, interacting in ways that do no harm and create in respect of what is best for all, realizing we are all the same, of the same means of life information as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not let myself go, as in letting go of an idea, and cross referencing reality in every moment, using the ability of myself as life to sense what is here, realizing the mind is a projection that becomes a personality that I accept and allow that is a separation from  life and has no real directive capacity and is idealized thought, and thus, I stop and I slow down and I breath and I see, realize and understand that I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take things personally, which is myself believing that an idea can define me, and I slow myself down and investigate the actual real physical world to see, realize and understand that I exist here, respecting the physical world as creation information.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in this letting go there is what might be called a “ sadness” and as this movement, I see, realize and understand that this is simply change, a form of transformation only, like the changing of the turning from one direction to another, and that in moving through this if I resist this, the sadness - which is only a slowing down - will persist, as in this being a slowing down, there is, just as in a car slowing down, a sense of resistance, where on the other side of this resistance is the point of change, and as this I realize I have accepted and allowed this resistance that is myself allowing inferiority to life here, and for this I forgive myself.

When and as I find myself tensing up in and as my chest area, I stop and I breath and i allow myself to “ fall” to accept the change, the moving from chasing an idea, to coming back down to earth, and realizing the sense of slowing down is only a sense of slowing down, and that when I allow this, there is an ease and a realization that a personification does not define me here and that a personification as mind, can only define me if I accept and allow it, if I believe this to be more than myself as life here, as a physical state of being-ness as what life is and would be in common sense.

When and as I find myself tensing up in my chest area, I stop and I breath and i slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that I can “ fall” as in letting go of self defining ideas, because I am here as physical being-ness where I am equal and one to the very substance of life, and as this i can slow down and investigate what does no harm, and investigate what sustains the physical and allows expression, and the means of expression here as what circulates and shares understanding of practical physical reality, here.

When and as I find myself tensing up in and as my chest area, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I investigate all things, meaning paying attention to what I buy, for instance, to realize what supports all life, and also to realize myself as a creator, that is able to stand with others to create a change that supports all life on earth, which is, at the moment because of what has been accepted, to allow money to flow, as the wealth created, to flow to all men to enable men to become custodians of the physical world, in and as realizing the value is life here, where all forms of life are respected and supported.

Day 552 The Limitation of the Conspiracy of Self Interest in Zimbabwe and within Myself

http://truth-out.org/news/item/24051-small-farmers’-loss-of-land-increases-world-hunger

http://twistedsifter.com/2013/08/maps-that-will-help-you-make-sense-of-the-world/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indigenisation_and_Economic_Empowerment_Act

http://www.zimbabwesituation.com/news/zimsit_review-of-indigenisation-linked-to-eu-rescue-package/

http://www.iol.co.za/mercury/we-can-learn-from-zim-s-flourishing-farms-1.1508335#.U5PIFiinDao

I noticed an article that pointed out that Zimbabwe had farms that were producing 90% of internal food. I don’t know all the details about every move on the ground in Zimbabwe history, but what I have read from a few posts is that Mugabe distributed the land back to the people, meaning he gave the farms back to Zimbabweans. This has been given a term called Indigenization.

Some are calling this a failure because the immigrants who had come to work on the mass of farm  land owned by a smaller number of people, are now displaced and do not have work. But, the smaller farms that were reallocated to Zimbabweans are becoming productive, and this has taken some time, and even here, as one article pointed out, will improve as the generations learn and work with the land.

In space and time, depending on the view point taken, there are articles that say this new collective of - what just happens to be- the indigenous people ( also another measure)  is not working, as they point out the lack based on an idea of perfection or/and an idea of how what is produced should flow out into the system.

So, a farm in development is not working, meaning instant success and single measure of what should be produced is the association made.

Also, how the money flows, through the people, where when looked at, behind the justification, is an accepted and very limited idea of what a social order should look like.

So, now the local people are busy on these farms, and they are improving their practices, which is what men can and will do given the chance. Sometimes, I think I am lead to believe that only a corporation can improve, and it is as though this is what is touted without being said directly and the irony here, as what is the means of corporate takeover is a politic of calling this democracy when it is not.. But, corporations are men, just as governments are men, so the starting point is that it is men who improve things when given the chance, which means the opportunity and access, and time to develop, as the physical world takes time to change.

And yet this is ignored, and what is not being supported, or has lost because of a restructuring, as in the case with Zimbabwe, is brought forward as a bad, and used to justify the agenda of another, and it is all about getting the money, grabbing the resource and forming it in ways that flow the money, as the value created from the freely given resources, into an idea of social order, where there are those that do not need a decent life, where their basic needs are met, and their ability to develop and understand many aspects of practical physical reality, and that this is the way it should be as an idea is embedded in stone. But this is an idea, this hierarchy, this method of suppression, and in Zimbabwe we can see that if men are given land they will learn to develop it, and begin to produce 90% of the food production within the borders of a country. In many ways, when Syria had a drought and the farmers there in that country that had been producing its own food, being responsible within it’s own home, and then a few having an agenda to grab what was there , using a situation to create conflict to reorder based on an idea of changing the money flow, to really just take more for a few, believing that this was leading, wanting to order the very development of men, when this has proven not to work all over the globe, had it then there would not be starving children, and animals becoming extinct. Controlling the physical world without consideration of all its potential, meaning to limit potential based on an idea, as a picture in the mind, is not a solution.

If men can be placed on the land, and allowed the time to develop that land, they are capable of doing so. This is obvious. The restructuring itself, is not a good or a bad, it is a movement, and unless it is a movement that considers all life, leaving no one behind, then consequences of lack will emerge and as long as money is allowed to determine life, that lack will be used to justify a change, in the interests of greed.

Also, it is interesting that the European banks are there, offering loans, to restructure the land, to correct, as is touted, the imbalances. If more people own the land, and are learning to farm it successfully, then people on the land working with the land works, it need not be in the hands of a few.  It is more about proper food flowing to those in need, than money flowing into the pockets of a few.

So, now the food produced by the nation ( Zimbabwe) exists but the money is not moving into the hands of the politicians, nor the interest payments - which is the usurious practice of moving principle value from Peter to Paul, flowing into the banks who can then and must, create a suppression of life, to build a conflict, to destroy infrastructure, to then create more loans to rebuild, controlling who gets this opportunity to rebuild, in self INTEREST, so that the cycle of interest as principle keeps moving into the controller who then believes themselves to be more than another, and the land is justified to be controlled by what is touted as working, while the liabilities are not carried by the loaner/leader but by the labor. And the labor is what is the capacity in the first place, as this is how and what has formed this earth, as men. These loans perpetuate  into  our present chaos using ideas of one thing being more than another, despite the success of giving people the land to farm and produce food and that given space and time, a human being will discover efficient and effective ways to use the land.

But this is what each of us are doing in our minds, that spinning voice that we have been told to stop. It is because it is a series of associations that are very limited, and because they are limited, cause an imbalance that then runs after ideas made more than practical reality.  And the individual ideas have a “ truth” to them, such as the immigrants that were employed by the colonizers or at present the corporations  ( a new name for the subsequent order, which is  moving into another name of same design, but of more unequal measure)  no longer having jobs, and yet the farm lands are now owned by a larger number of people ( who just happen to be men who’s ancestors had worked on the land before it was colonized under the auspices of improvement - which was improvement for a few - which naturally caused conflict as lack that then lead to uprising arriving at the point Zimbabwe is today, where there are consequences from a previous act , as the workers that were brought in, who are dispossessed yet still remain men,  that no longer have the old format/division systemically to give them some means to life support as having access to money/wages. Suppression of life causes chaos. It is very simple. Those in abundance are simply the other end of the spectrum of suppression, thus we are all responsible, and the crime we allow as this is a crime against life.

And the programs of the politicians remain, each wanting to “ rule” and the corporations are there waiting for the banks to loan with conditions, from an imagined order that has as its god, the flow of money back to Europe or some other continent, touting good ostensibly being done, not noting the collateral damage of the dispossessed that are of the previous order that was not a balanced order that considered all life, and choosing overall to create a system that brought men into contact with the physical, of which men are composed of to exist, and as such are incredibly capable of working with when given the space and the time.

I did something similar on a micro scale towards another person in my immediate environment. They called and told me about an event in their world where they received praise. I immediately related this to myself as said, oh ‘ isn’t that interesting, I had a similar thing happen this week where someone praised me.”  I was creating a relationship to counter a self accepted and allowed self definition of being inferior to them, which means I was feeling lousy,  thinking I was less than because I was not being in the “ limelight” of praise, of gain. If I had slowed down immediately and not reacted with inferiority trying to bring a “ good” forward about myself, I could have learned from the situation  immediately, and expanded my awareness of what it means to interact with people, as this was what this specific instance involved. But this is the point, to bring a truth forward, and align this in ways that expand awareness, and so enable one to balance out what would make one aware of the function of the physical world in practical ways that support all life, that are the measure of what gives all the potential to become aware of that fact that we are physical beings, and that being physical is the way and the means of life. The fractional reservations we exist as as mind, are the separation from life, when allowed to be considered more than physical reality. What exists as mind, is  a part of reality brought forward, and this in itself, shows the incredible capacity of men to imagine aspects of physical reality, that which is what is real, and if realized as such the nature as life, as what we are, to order this the physical in ways that do no harm.  In order for the chaos of limited association making to end, the physical world must be realized to be the measure of life in formation, and worked with as the means to balance ourselves as life, to move in ways that are creative instead of destructive. And the destruction is caused by a constant judgement of how the physical world should look which creates a lack when allowed to be more real than the actual physical. We are all composed of the same substance, the sound of life. This sound, as the physical as life information, must be balanced and aligned in ways that allow the mechanism of the physical to reach its full potential as the innate capacity of what men are, and all that composes the physical formation of life as what life would be in all common sense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to another in protection and self defense, in self interest..

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must compete with another and compare myself within and as finding a story as a past event , in and as the imagination construct of and as my mind, to become a definition of and as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that the imaginations of others conspire against me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become jealous of another, believing myself to be inferior, and reacting within and as using my own conspiration as the story of my past, as the imaginational construct of what I believe myself to be, based on my past that is an accumulation of the measure of a system of hierarchy that began with me, acting in self interest, fearful of changing, transforming, being equal and one with and as the means of life information, which is the physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to order myself in self interest, instead of considering the physical world with every thought, word and deed, realizing that everything that is here is me, and that the state of being of everything that is here, determines my existence, as what I accept and allow persists, unless I stand equal and one within and as the principle of what is best for all here.

When and as I find myself going into comparison, based on inferiority, I stop and I breath, and I look at how what is being said can be aligned within and as what is best for all here.

When and as I find myself wanting to tell my con-spirations to survive, I stop and I breath, and I bring myself here,  realizing that I am an expression of and as life, here.

When and as I find myself having a thought of inferiority I see, realize and understand that this is a belief, as I am using a belief to define me, as a comparison, instead of taking that which is good, that which expands awareness, and praising this as a cool insight.

When and as I find myself believing another to conspire against the value of myself as what I accept and allow of what is presented to me, I stop and I breath and I see realize and understand that what is told, is a series of events, as an insight of the measure of here, and that this measure is a part of reality brought forward, thus not good or bad, but when used as a more than is used as a consequence of time as mind, slowing down a direct access to practical reality in totality, where I need not react, but simply breath, slow down, and equalize within and as the principle of what is best for all.

When and as i find myself reacting to a measure of description of space and time, I stop and I breath, and I see, realize and understand that the conspire, the sequence of events used to describe an action, are simply this, and as such need not be something to compare myself to, define myself as not being equal to, measure myself to as lacking the experience, going into self pity as in believing I have no access to when I am as physical life, here,  and I slow myself down, and I remain here, in breath, walking the principle of equality and oneness, to take that which is good and does no harm, and to give as I would like to receive.

Day 520 Self Corrections on Cross Purpose

When and as I find myself believing that something outside of me defines me, I stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand that I am here, that I am on a physical planet, that is creation, and as such is the expression in and as life, and as such nothing can define me, but what i am here, in all common sense.

When and as I find myself becoming uncertain, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I see realize and understand that I can only be what I am here, that nothing defines me but what I accept and allow, thus, the cultural past composed of ideas about the traditions that are not even understood or that no longer fit into what is here, and or were in limitation as a starting point from being one and equal to physical creation, do not define myself here, as what is here, as the physical is what enables the existence of myself here, and as such is life, is how I can be what I am here, so no ideology can define me here but what i am in practical common sense as the physical.

When and as I find myself watching a movie, for example, and have a thought that something is stupid, I stop and I breath, and I bring myself here and I slow myself down, and I realize that anything that has to do  with hierarchy is a separation from practical reality, and as such is based on ideological judgements that believe that one value of what is here is more than another, which makes no sense on an interconnected physical planet.

When and as I find myself being uncertain, I stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand that when I allow myself to accept what is judgement that is a belief in inequality, that has caused suppression and disrespect for the physical as life, I slow myself down, and I simply say, we live on a physical planet, where physical objects move from one place to another and or transforms, of which much is known, that what is here is a structure that can be seen, realized and understood, thus the present economic system makes no sense, and is a crime against life, here.

When and as I find myself not wanting to look here, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I place myself here, I remain vigilant within and as me, to look here, no matter what, with every step, to be in respect of physical existence here, and to realize the ideas of more than and less than as a mind consciousness system cannot define me, unless I accept and allow this.

When and as I find myself reacting towards an idea instead of moving directly into solution, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that there is only here.

When and as I find myself becoming loopy, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I look here, becoming practical without judgement of a physical thing being good or bad, right or wrong, more than or less than, and see realize and understand through thought, word and deed, what is best for all, as in what would be the measure of common sense leading to a self directive capacity within the big and the small, the immediate and the consequential as best as I am able, and within this to see, realize and understand that there is no such thing as a mis-take, and that insight is developed as one moves within and as the magic being life, which is the act of doing within the principle of what is best for all is best for self, here, which behaviorally needs no rush, no desire, want and need for gain, as I remain here, equal and one in respect for and as life, here, stable, constant, facing the fear that is simply a separation from equality and oneness as and with the physical world.

When and as I find myself in friction and conflict , in and as a physical sense within my chest of being at cross purposes with myself and as such with the world that is me in another life, that is all around me as the physical composed of the substance of life, that is the darkness that is the light, I stop and I breath, and i slow myself way down, until I am stable, until I am breathing more at ease, as much as I am able within the process of the journey to life, and I bring myself here, and I look directly as what is physically here, with a vigil that is myself equalizing myself to life, here, and I look at the self accepted belief structures within that are built of ideological beliefs, that I have used to define me, or allow to define me, and I sort them out through self forgiveness and I bring them back to self, and use my self as life, equal and one in common sense of the physical world, and I become the functional purpose as the directive of myself here, as much as I am able, seeing realizing and understanding that I am in effect placing myself within the measure of what is best for all, to no longer allow myself to divide from myself as life.

When and as I find myself facing a cross purpose, as ideological friction and conflict of oneness and equality, as a fear of loss as an ideal, or a desire for gain as a want, need and desire, as a projection as a belief that has been allowed to define, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I take in an understanding of the cross purpose, until I understand the measure of uncertainty, instability, lack of structural purpose/ functional purpose and I walk, as much as I am able, and breath, aligning myself with the silence, to hear and listen and apply common sense to diverge into a self directive functional purpose within the principle of what is best for all, here.

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• Day 519 Cross Purposes - Journey to Life