I walked into a store today and noticed that I became what I call “ loopy” very much like I am “ vibrating within, which is myself losing focus here. I say this because I have this happen, especially when I read about finances and money. The twists and turns of how we are simply printing money and lending it with interest, makes no sense, like I cannot get a grasp on the lack of common sense of it. So, perhaps, I am looking for meaning and sense in something that really makes no sense. Somehow, this is what happens when I get loopy. I mean, does out paranormal existence make any sense? No.
I have been someone that asks questions, and sometimes this gets me into “ trouble”, which I would at present call “ upset.” By this I mean, upsetting a belief, because to ask a question that points out a discrepancy, is to upset a limitation. And then I react, because such pointing out of discrepancies within something that does not make sense, causes a reaction, and in answer to such a reaction I stumble. Like I have done something wrong.
Of course, sometimes I just miss something and ask a question that is myself having been ignorant and as such missed a detail. But there is a difference. One elicits a spiteful, impatient answer and the other is either simple as in “ You missed this.” or “ You idiot, read the damn material.” lol
At present, American Society has allowed a belief that one cannot upset another’s feelings and emotions. But, sometimes these emotions and feelings have no real substance in any form of common sense. I mean it is like being ignorant, and having an aspect pointed out, and the response is, “ But that is how I feel,” and this must be respected, despite it being ignorant.
So, I am in this store and I realize I am getting loopy. Why? Was I getting geared to be at cross purposes with myself, as in suppressing myself to fit into accepting “feelings “ that were really ignorance to remain socially “ polite?”
So, I slowed myself down, reminded myself of where I was, and thought about what I needed only and no more. I walked through the store telling myself I need only remain in common sense, and if, for example I wanted to stand and look at the butter and go through my head if I needed to get some more at the moment, and if this would be better to get today, instead of having to shop in three days then so be it. Standing there looking like I was not being the efficient New Yorker - for example, was not the point. So, all this loopyness was ideas about how I am supposed to be, and not myself being in common sense, stable, here. Also, to let go of any worries, because at that moment, I could only do what was necessary in front of me. So, I focused myself “ here.”
When I had gotten home, I started to read this book about money, and I noticed the same thing happening. I stopped and reread the opening paragraphs. Again, I realized I was confused not because I did not understand the words, but becuase the words as describing the system made no sense, meaning the system makes no sense. And, somehow having to say the system makes no sense, is at cross purposes with what I believe it is that I am supposed to behave as, which is accepting what is, instead of pointing out what really makes no sense.
So, when I feel myself beginning to become what I call “ loopy” I stop and I breath and I realize the polarity of my cross purpose into a belief as a self definition based on limited values in separation from common sense, and I breath, and I bring myself here in common sense of what is practical in a functional purpose in and as the physical, which is always here, moves at ease, and is stable and visible, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be at cross purposes with a common sense of here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from here, a common sense of a functional reality of which enables the life that is me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be at cross purposes with myself as life, in choosing limited values to define me, and to fear addressing limited values, shaming myself as life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that there is no way out of existing in cross purpose of myself as life, as this was myself as a small child which is a past that is not what and who I am here as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within cross purposes as a polarity system of value judgements of good and bad, right and wrong, more than and less than, in separation from and of limitation from what is best for all as the functional purpose of what respects the expression of life as the physical.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have become stubborn in the face of resisting limitations, and as such to begin to ignore common sense, and as such to shut down my own common sense, trapping myself within believing that there was no way out, and within this realizing that as a child, I was physically vulnerable due to my size and standing against many adults.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become at cross purposes with myself as life, to move towards reward to avoid punishment, and to be ashamed for having avoided punishment in self interest rejecting myself as life, and within this to realize this need not be myself here, as I am not my past as a child, I am here.
With in this, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become self blame for allowing a cross purpose of myself as life, in and as choosing to avoid punishment where avoiding punishment was in itself a reward, and in so doing hating myself and being ashamed of myself for having abdicated myself as life, and as this hiding in shame and self pity , believing myself to be unworthy of life, and for this I forgive myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that the only way out of punishment, was to become submissive, and within this to have a thought that I was trapped, and to realize that i was a child, and as this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to pity myself as such and not a means that leads to solution, here, within and as what is best for all, whether this is the past, or myself here, in this moment, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a thought that I am trapped.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that limitations accepted and allowed as my past define me here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine that I am confined, locked in.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to tighten up in my chest, to believe that in order to survive I must be at cross purposes with myself as life and that as this I must protect and defend myself within and as ensuring that I am not heard or seen as such.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am vulnerable, that I can be susceptible to emotional attack, and as this, to stand within the principle of what is best for all, to see, realize and understand that a cross purpose of life cannot define me unless I accept and allow it, as i am life, here, and my past cannot define me, here.
Self corrections to follow.
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