Day 456 Protection and defense in the face of self validation

I had a reaction to a person this weekend and I realize that I was fearing a loss, as in believing myself to be inferior. As such I could only manage my ire instead of directing within a solution, where I took that which is good and directed it in such a way that supported everyone in the situation. So, in looking at the presentation that I reacted to, how could I  accept the self validation before me and walk it into what would be a structure of support? How could I create a situation that allowed interaction, that allowed interactive relationships that were a win-win for all parties involved? Thus, to direct instead of react? To “ play,” to build instead of fear? For this, the solution was to move as what is best for all, as has been said, if one uses the principle of what is best for all, then the way is clear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being seen as inferior.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react when another states what they are, not seeing realizing and understanding that i can accept what another is and take this into what would be what is best for all, thus not denying what is here, but accepting it and moving it into a part of a scenario as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself  to compare myself to a statement as a validation as a belief being voiced of what someone is and does, and within this to accept this and place this into a scenario that functions, to the best of my ability, as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself, within this reaction, to not see realize and understand that in accepting a statement as an absolute, an end game, I react in anger because I am allowing myself to become a belief that I am less than the statement, less than the label, and as this am lost in comparison without looking at how this position touted is myself in another life, an expression as a part of the whole, where I am another part of that whole, a whole that can function  as a system that moves in support of all the parts involved and thus within the principle of what is best for all, can be directed into a structure that moves as what builds a community that is a win-win for all involved.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I react, I am existing within inferiority, and as such constrict within and as my physical body, which is myself in comparison based on ideas of win and lose.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become spiteful in and as my mind, to not see, realize and understand that in allowing myself to become inferior I begin to compare and then to select in self interest what is a belief as a “ good” about myself, and a belief as a “ bad” about another, which is a protection and defense of my own lack of looking, my own lack of self responsibility as life, this being the absolute purpose of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how within and as becoming an act of comparison to another I become diffident as in silent in some situations and as such physically allow a sense of hopelessness as a perceived " hurt" and physically become a sinking in and as my chest area, and at other times I have an irritability rise up within me in and as an energetic movement of protection and defense and move in word thought and deed to offend that which I am allowing myself to become inferior to and or believe threatens a belief of myself as being superior, and as this energetic movement within I stop and I breath and I give up this self definition to realize the principle of what is best for all and I direct within and as that which causes no harm, as that which takes what is good and realize the solution towards what is best for all as this is what is best for self, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take a statement of belief as what someone says they are, as something superior to myself, to see superiority as a spite directed to and towards myself, to which I become a retort as spite, in protection and defense where in reality I am only defending and protecting myself own sense of inferiority instead of realizing I am here  and that a belief in one thing being more than another is a separation from myself accepting and allowing myself as life, as ideas of more than and less than only exist if I accept and allow them.

 When and as I find myself reacting to another’s self validation I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I apply the principle of what is best for all, as in what would a situation that creates a win-win scenario as all the parts of myself as life that is me without and within.

When and as I find myself as a reaction I see, realize and understand that I am defining myself as inferior or superior, connecting myself to being less than or more than, fearing a loss and or wanting to hold onto a perceived gain, and as such I do not allow myself to become indolent, I slow myself down and I breath, and I direct within taking that which is good and apply the principle of what is best for all, as what is best for self, as another as life, is what is best for myself as this is realizing equality and oneness in and as life here.

When and as I find myself reacting in separation from myself as life in and as judgement as end game as  a label of less than as a belief of a fear of loss, I stop and I breath and I no longer allow myself to disrespect life, and I slow down and employ the principle of what is best for all, as what is best for self is that which is a win-win situation.

Day 254 Back Chat Dimension, Abdication Character

I was walking a past memory from childhood, and in the picture in my mind, I was small. Walking this memory, I remember turning and as I turned the words, went through me, and I remember it is being words, of “ I care.”
THis has been with me, and I have not been able to name this in relation to myself and my personality.
Care in relation to what? The thoughts, emotions and feelings of another, another person? In this case it was in answering to my father as a small child. And before this I remember attention being what i wanted.
What thoughts and what genetic dis-positions from generations past lead to this point where I cared only about the interplay with parents at the exclusion of all else? Where parents were focused on a morality of behavior hoping to change what they themselves had accepted and allowed that lead to the behaviors of frustration they felt in the self pity and the guilt and the worry directing them to begin to teach a morality instead of sharing how the world worked, how the trees grew outside, or the baby mice came to live in a barn?
I don’t remember being told about the sun rising in the east, and setting in the west, or which direction the wind was blowing on a certain day. I was not being told in detail about the world, the physical world, I was being asked questions about why something was missing or broken. And does this make any sense?
My thoughts seem so often about the “care “ of another, at the exclusion of considering this world in totality, meaning concern is about people within my immediate environment, but this is it, people, and to note that often, because I am a woman, they are about men.
SO, I get this big built up sensation in my chest, and I believe this to be a feeling of “ I care” but it is interesting to realize a connection from this into my shoulders, as though this “care” is really a protection and defense. Meaning to give care will protect me. To answer to the cares presented as what to focus on will protect me from hurt as a reaction of frustration within being a polarity of "right and wrong that is a morality in separation from the physical.
Obviously, there is nothing wrong with caring, yet what is cared for is to be questioned, just as the questioning of parents, within a limited attention to a morality as they themselves tried to understand their own survival through keeping control of things in their home and directing within behaviors exhibited within society through their children. Where is there any awareness taught about the physical? And if there are any issues about the physical, do we just immediately go to the doctor? And why go to a doctor, especially today, where it is obvious, if one looks at the state of disease in this world, that doctors have really done SHIT in terms of taking care of dis-ease. Especially now that even science knows it cannot keep up with nature, as the viruses are mutating with more awareness than the human scientists and doctors. and even within this awareness, vaccines continue to be promoted. But wait, how can vaccines be working is the viruses are changing at a rate man cannot keep up with? Bit of a problem there establishment! This same establishment that cannot stop unemployment, or sex trafficking , or drug trafficking, and yet can somehow go to the moon. Just as with parents, this government, this system is not taking care of this physical world, thus this system does not work. Obviously, the "more than" of money running the show don't want to let go of being more than. It really is that simple. One need only look at the American Congress and what its member own and receive dividends from to see where “ the more than” in the form of money comes from.
If the “ more than” is juggled into the mix, within taking care of this earth, as what a political office is as ensuring a system of organizing this earth, then the very presence of the more than will inhibit real taking care of this earth. We have a political/governing system that allows self interest and power to organize this earth. In all common sense this is like trying to mix oil with vinegar and we all know this does not work, so what the hell are we allowing?
In all we deserve everything we get, as being in lack, because we are accepting and allowing this obvious non-sensical form determining the system set up to care for the common good of each of us.
So, my care in attending to the fear of survival as the reactions to this, as emotions, thoughts and feelings, is a self abdication of common sense of this actual physical world, as this is a development of care to the outflows of attending to an organization of society within human survival, with no attention paid to nature and how it functions, which in common sense should be what a child is taught from day one. But no, we are taught to care for our behavior within this system of governing functioning within self interest. And the dimension of money in relation to this, allows self interest free license. A simple thing to change, it just takes the hands of men. Yet even this, the hands of men, has been rendered within the thoughts of men with the words “ invisible hands” meaning the values created by the hands of men, are invisible and therefor not able to be entered into the equation. This is like using depleted in front of Uranium, a misleading misnomer, psychologically sounding opposing ideas and canceling out real seeing, as one gets caught up in this forked tongue contra-diction towards what is real, here, physical. And the mind is linear, gets caught up in singularities and thus misses the totality, the “making a connection” between obvious misnomers. What if we stopped moving as mind only and used common sense, of which awareness of the physical is necessary?
So, facing the emotions, thoughts and feelings in parents and friends, and becoming this within society through fulfilling the roles created to care for such, I in essence abdicatemyself as life, my own common sense. This care is really a protection defense through bringing the enemy near, keeping it close to keep it at bay, and then I am caught in the net of it, as it consumes my attention. I become the play of the forked tongue and lose a sense of what is real, as being in common sense of this actual physical world. Thus is this protection and defense, cloaked as care, a focus on the mechanics of the mind, as thought, emotion and feeling, such having no substance, as the human has existed as this, and this form of what we are and aggrandize and exist as, has not changed this world in such a way to create a system of care for all life equally.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to protect myself from the demands of men through giving a care in protection and defense through paying attention to what is presented and directing myself within this in fear of being punished should i not keep what supports a belief as a morality of behavior that is in consideration of survival within the structure created by men, in consideration of men only.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a voice , in and as my mind, as “ I care.”
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the thought of “ I care” as being what I am in expression, suggests that something is out of balance, as having to care as a thought is not being in a state of ease, which means that I am existing in a state of disease, meaning the existence of myself is within having to care, and not within expression of myself in and as life, within simply being here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that giving a care to emotions, thoughts and feelings, only, without stepping back and realizing a fear/survival system, is like fanning the fire of separation.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that being in thoughts of care, and attending to the ensuing emotions and feelings, where the emotion is the fear of loss, and the feeling is the justification for the fear of loss within and as excusing this fear through placing this fear of loss onto something outside of self, I in effect am being the enemy near, as myself attending to a limitation and thus separating myself from common sense as being here, equal and one with what is physically supporting me as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to get caught up in the dialogue of the mind, as thoughts, emotions and feelings, as energy, of no substance as presently the mind is used to focus through separation into attending to parts where the physical is not included, and the physical is alluded to within such terms as “invisible” and or “depleted” creating an alternate reality ignorant of what the actual physical is in totality, all in the name of self interest before what is best for all, where the illusion is placed before the physical, just as the way words are placed in label, thus is what it is we are doing right here in front of us even within the words we speak, as is it not the rule that the adjective is placed before the noun? Thus is not the real objective placed before the physical? The superficial placed on top of what is real, and we, the human only see the adjective as we have become one and equal to fear instead of being one and equal to what is real, as the physical?

I commit myself to realizing the dialogue in and as voices in my head, as thoughts, emotions and feelings, to see realize and understand how such is in relation to my own survival where I gave a care to the fear as the illusion as the separation from what is real and of common sense of what is supportive of all life, this actual physical world, a world man can no longer read, in and as keeping up with viruses, which means the fantasy is over and it is time to get real to equalize ourselves to that which is this actual physical world in common sense of this physical world, as the game is up and men are not superior to the physical.
I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to follow blindly a heart of care to and towards emotions, thoughts and feelings in another only, to bring these back to self and realize that such is an allusion to protection and defense in fear of survival, of which this being of self has no connection and thus substance equal and one to and as the actual real supportive physical world, that at this point in time, moves faster in development as seen in the ability of viruses to get ahead of a human who believed itself to be more than the physical.
I commit myself to seeing , realizing and understanding how fear is so disconcerting, that a spatial ability to read this actual physical world is lost within and as the nature of being fear, where a common sense of the actual physical world is unseen, as the energetic reaction in and as fear, as dis-ease with reality, is existing within the allusion to a possible “less than” scenario and not the reality of the physical.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that when and as I have such questions coming up in and as voices within my mind, of “ I wonder how this person is feeling,” or “ I hope this person if okay,” or “ I think I will call this person to see how they are,” I am in effect attending to emotions, and feelings and thus creating a constant as a state of dis-ease, admitting to knowing that the present system and what I am within is not at ease and thus equal and one to and as what is supporting me as life, as the physical substance here, which is the substance of life.
Thus, when and as I have a thought, or a desire to call and make an inquest as the emotional state of another, I stop and I breath, and I see, realize and understand that i am not lacking care for life, I am lacking in common sense of life in and as the physical, through attending to emotions and feelings at are by nature a separation from life into and as fear/survival behaviors which in itself is an indicator that the human is not at ease, equal and one to and as life.

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Day 147 The Survivalist Lies of Administrators

Cocoa beans (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Horseshoe crabs (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So I sit about to write forgiveness and a neighbor shows up at my house too tell of the same pattern, as the behavior of administrators I have seen in a documentary about child slavery within the chocolate industry in Africa and experienced myself within my community. This is  a pattern of human behavior, believed to be unchangeable, that exists on so many levels.

This is the story as I heard this tonight.

Horseshoe crabs:

Horseshoe crabs are harvested for their “blue blood” which has a harvestable form of LAL a compound that fights infection. The medical industry buys the horseshoe crab from people that go out and pick them off the shores of our oceans. In my case Cape Cod.

Evidently, as I was told, these crabs were harvested in bays closer to the mainland, until they ran out. Then another bay where the crabs existed was farmed until the populations of horseshoe crabs were decimated. Now they are harvesting these crabs here on the Outer Cape.

A man comes and collects the crabs and takes them to the facility where this blue blood is taken from the crabs.

The medical facility then believes that these drained crabs are taken back to the place where they were taken from.

But this is not what happens, these crabs are then sold, by the same man who harvested them, to a company that chops them up and sends this to China, to be used as bait for eels.

These crabs are never returned.

Now this man, who harvests these crabs wants to make as much money as possible, within this system of profit, so naturally he is going to get as much money as he can from what he harvests, so he, if he can, will sell these crabs for money. He needs to survive.

So, this oyster man who is telling me all this, because he makes his living growing oysters to sell, he has noticed that one year there were no sea snails or sea slugs on his grant. They have come back, but this year there are no jelly fish. And there are no longer, but one or two, horseshoe crabs. What has also happened this year, is that the oysters on his grant are not growing as well, they remain small.

Now, as I was told, a horseshoe crab is like a “roto till” for the surface of the marsh bottoms, they stir up the muck which sends nutrients into the water, this nutrient then feeds the oysters. Hence, fewer rototillers, less circulation of all the things the waters consist of and as.

Back to the medical industry.

The medical industry blue blood harvesting facility, when asked what happens to the crabs, says they are returned to the place of origin. Which they are not.

So, this oysterman calls the state, and the state says that they know the crabs are being monitored because they have men at the bay ( where this oysterman’s grant is). This oysterman tells me that he says to the administrator that he and the other grant owners are there on their grants during the day and have never seen any government monitor on the bay where they are. The administrator denies this and says that yes, there are people there, they come at night.

Obviously with such a statement , it is an admission of a lie. This administrator knows they are lying and believe if they just say something is true, the person asking will accept this. 

This same action happened within a documentary about child labor in Africa within the cocoa bean industry, where children are forced into slave labor, picking cocoa beans. The executives in Europe deny the existence of this and say they have taken care of this, and the government officials in Africa, say that it does not exist, and meanwhile the man speaking up about this makes a film where he goes to the cocoa plantations and interviews the children, who say they were kidnapped and forced to harvest the beans, with threats that their families will be killed if they attempt to run away. And meanwhile, there are local men, who transport these children across borders for money, so they can survive.

In this instance, in this documentary, the government official, when questioned about the children, says that the children could not possibly be on the farms because the cocoa beans are not harvested at that time of year. This is his answer. His avoidance tactic, flying in the face of what in fact exists. He also says that he talked with another official and was told there is no child labor going on. A string of people sitting at desks, denying what is real, and even making up impossible situations to deny what is presented.

I mean, I am really having a hard time seeing some government official monitoring horseshoe crabs populations at  night on Cape Cod. 

What I am also finding, is that to meet face to face with administrators is becoming increasingly difficult. I guess it is easier to lie on the phone. Remove any opportunity of confrontation. 

Can we point the finger at this man, any of these administrators or horse crab harvesters? They are all trying to make a living and survive in a game of rape the earth to survive, do not look at what the consequences of this rape create because if you do, you might just lose your job. That corporation wants that blue blood, the technicians that take that blood out of that crab want their jobs. They are told a lie by their superior - who does not want to lose his job- to place a happy face on what they are doing and meanwhile this whole chain of command denies what is actually physically happening to this planet. And no one wants to look because they might lose their job.

Meanwhile, the oysters are no longer growing so well.

Meanwhile the children in Africa are given no education, are not taught to understand this world.

All to feed a corporate eye that has a singular vision of profit, without any regard for life.

This pyramid, as this system, is like a blood sucking parasite. And we are all allowing and accepting this, thus we are the creators of our own demise. And it is coming to your doorstep sooner than you think. The organism of this earth that supports us, is being raped without any regard for the life that it is, and obviously, we do not understand that this physical world is what is real.  We are told by other kinds of administrators that we will go to some heaven. A heaven that no one has ever seen, just like the administrators do not see what is actually going on. Lies on top of lies, ignorance on top of ignorance.

The only way to stop this, is for a very large group to stand and to say stop, through realizing the value is life. That this physical world is life, is the gift of life and thus is here to support life.

An Equal Money System is a means to use the tool of money, to distribute what is freely given on this earth to sustain what is needed to support the life that is here. This will stop all this abuse, as that administrator will no longer have to lie to survive. Equality will allow best practices to step forth, practices we know sustain this earth, as this is what each and every one of us wants. We know this is what needs to be done. We have been programmed to survive before what we know sustains. In order for this to happen, each of us must stand and support a system that places the value on life before profit.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear, stepping away from media broadcast politics to see, realize and understand that media supports a profit based system, and thus will only present what support itself, as the ones with the money, that control money and thus resource are not interested in best practices, life sustaining practices, as such practices are not profitable, such practices do not allow division and conquest to serve profits.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all animals have a purpose as part of an organism of life, and thus when parts of this organism, called earth, are raped, where the sustaining of this organism as best practice does not allow as much money to be made for the individuals within this system to survive, then the practice that is inconsiderate of this earth will be the choice made, where it is too expensive for a government agency to have monitors actually physically checking what is being practiced, as this does not allow the division and conquest as abusive practices to exist, where even government agencies hide behind such statements, as “there is no proof” because no money is being funneled into such means of study, as this would expose what is actually happening and profits would be disturbed, and thus if it does not allow support survival, and costs of clean up, or returns to a natural state are too costly, then what does not make money, make a profit is simply ignored, where the government agencies are actually the guards of the gates of profit as within this system of survival what pays the bills is money and not what is best for all, not what sustains life, respects life as this does not ignore, but works with and respects life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the only thing to stop this system of abuse to this earth, and thus all that is here, is to stand and to change this world into a system that supports what is the value, which is life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that from day one, I have been programmed by the same system of control through social structure, through education, through religion, through media, through text books, through taking in knowledge and information without any actual physical interaction or awareness development of what is actually physically happening on this earth to become an ignorant slave despite my capacity as life , and instead am fed what supports a system of inequality known as capitalism, and thus I cannot trust anything that I have been taught, and must remove what i am as mind, must stop the voices in and as my mind, as this is a program to serve the interest of a few and not life, which is so obvious when the condition of this earth is looked at in common sense, even locally where one lives.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that best practices are known, but are denied study as this would expose what is actually physically happening on this earth and thus put an end to practices that are abusive, and thus put an end to this rape of this earth and the illusion of superiority of a few.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to not see , realize and understand that our children have the ability at a young age to learn languages very fast, an ability lost as they mature, and thus something is lost as our children grow and move through a supposed system of education.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that children are developed according to what they are exposed to, and thus a lack of development is the cause of a lack of ability, and thus within this system of greed and profit, any child that is not developed to full capacity is so because it has not been given what is needed for such development, and thus each of us are to blame for any child that starves or spends a childhood in slavery picking cocoa beans is such because the human has allowed and accepted a system of profit that does not support life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that what has been taught is what controls, and what controls if a system of inequality, a system of profit, thus I am a product in thought, word and deed, to believe that this system is all that there is, as this is what would be programmed into and as me to ensure the continued existence of this pyramid of separation from the life that is here on this earth and what in fact is happening on this earth, where unless I stop and realize this, the consequences of this will arrive on my doorstep sooner than I think, as all I am is a receptor of the images placed on the screen of the television to ensure my continued service and lack of awareness of this physical world.

I commit myself to investigating what I am as a human, as what is programmed into and as me, that I have accepted and allowed that disables myself as life, to stand up and see in  common sense what I exist as emotionally, as what the focus of myself is within this world that takes me away from understanding and concerning myself with what is happening on this planet that I would not want to happen to myself or my children, or any animal and planet that is a part of this organism of life known as earth that sustains me here.

I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding, that my obsessions and possessions are of ideas, beliefs and opinions,, desires wants and needs that are no concerned with this earth and th very substance of myself as life, as I am not aware of my human physical body, and must ask a doctor about what ails me, as I have no sense of my physical self, thus do I abdicate myself as life, to another person on this planet that is themselves caught up within a system of survival, and thus give to me what is profitable, as all that exists supports profit before life, thus, I cannot trust a system of enslavement in any way, and must investigate what is presented myself, and within this understand what exist within this system where I will discover that this organism of life, known as earth is not in fact being supported, and that the only thing stopping myself is a program of fear, which is myself stopping the program of separation from myself as life within.

I commit myself to breathing, when and as I begin to question what is here, to no longer fear asking the questions even in the face of bullying and ignorance, to realize, see and understand that what is here is being ignored as survival and greed have created a behavior of ignorance that will use any means to, such as blame and spite, to not face what self has accepted and allowed, and knows is unacceptable, rather than face self as life, the very thing feared being faced being the very thing that would set self free to become what is real, self as life, one and equal to life.

I commit myself to breathing, to realizing that I am here, and that the separations into and as mind as what has been taught cannot control me unless, I as life, allow and accept this.

I commit myself to bringing myself back to life, to being what i am, one and equal as life, here, to understand this organism of life called earth, to realign this earth as what practices exist to being and becoming one and equal as life no longer focusing on limited parts as what the mind blows out of proportion as this is the illusion of the mind, here.

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Day 129 Morality Character

Day 129

Today I was driving in my car when I sensed this rigid “stance” of myself, in judgement of myself, it was, as being inferior, as though another judged me as being rigid, as being too full of morality as the defenses I have been taught in the guise of being cultured, where the individual developments of what is cultured and not, are simply stages of development on a continuum, something all should have, something that reveals the capacity for development, and thus what we as humans are able within, even indicating how much we do not know, and the limitations existent within the forms as systems of development that is in essence not developing each and every one of us.,This is how I saw myself, I judged and this is judging me, as me being less than me, as this is what I fear, and I judging am being indignant. The morality play based on limitations, or as I like to say these days, an endgame, the taking of what is here and going into defense through combat, in hiding from another where fear hides the fact of a non sequitor, as energy takes over, a desire as a belief, opinion and idea, perpetual want and need, the illusion as all is right here,  accepting here, is all that is needed, as simple as this.

Going into a non-sequitur is going into hiding. Braking the conceptual ability of self as life and choosing fear and blocking communication, blocking communion as life, stopping the flow of self as life expression. 

This bothers me, to let something, to let two people not be together because of lack of communication and a morality hiding being-here, simply being here.

A mass of beliefs based on values selected without an understanding of the totality of existence, life being lost to what actually substantiates and choosing a veil where lies are slowing down one’s self into a mirage based on fear.

The veil is the storm of separation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that when I go into insecurity and fear I cling to the veil of my own separation.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my access to a morality in relation to measuring myself against another, is a rigid line of defense, in and as judgement to create a positive judgement of myself in relation to another and to ignore my own fear of loss, this being an idea in separation from life and not what is real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge anther based on manners and an inability to be direct, as this is what I am myself in fear of becoming vulnerable as speaking up as myself would mean stepping into rejection, a memory from childhood as I did not know what I am/was and was given no direction within the development of the substance of myself as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that all can be seen.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge another based on their development.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have any thought, to have any momentary belief that I am more than another, as this will not and cannot direct what is here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to not have realized this moral defense code as what it is, a separation from life, as it is a defense and not what is in consideration of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stop when I become this, and to breath, and as well, to instead of judging, look at what I am as this moral defense code of supposed ethics, and to take the principle of what is best for all, in hand and forgive this back chat as line of defense, and utilize what is directive and substantive and stand, even if I fall, until I am able to stand one and equal as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how my “moral compass” is in self interest and not in the interest of life as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I feel disgust, I am in essence in disgust of myself, as what is here is me, one and equal and thus what is best for all, is to realize the being of myself in a combat suit of moral superiority as being self defense in separation from what is here as this physical world, that which is real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to step into a character of morality, filled with value judgements of more than and less than, instead of actually practically looking at what is here as life, as this physical world and directing myself within what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand, how the tunnel vision of the mind, separates me from what is here, from what is real as this physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in becoming a moral compass in self interest I cast shadows of ignorance upon this earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that  remaining in and as breath, I can breath beyond the limited space of this moral compass, and direct within and as myself with and as what is physically here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize and understand that I actually have little awareness of myself as a physical being.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to actually realize how that previous thought made my left thigh ignite a small web of needles within the flesh, and fuck, I just judged myself, which is to say I have just blamed myself for my own ignorance.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that any moment of blame is not a moment of self direction.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how such a moral compass can lead to bitterness, as the back chat of the mind will judge and become bitter, that self within such morality will become a belief that no one sees what this moral compass sees as what is a value that is superior, where there might be insight within this, yet the totality of this system has not been understood within being a system that does not support development in and as the human in becoming an expression of life, and thus one and equal to life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the human has no idea of its capacity to become aware of this physical world, as this has never been developed, even perhaps developed to some extent with a few, very few at that, what would happen if all of mankind were developed to their full physical potential in common sense of this physical world? Would mankind become man kind to one another, instead of a defensive moral compass?

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, that my own moral compass is a shield, hard and brittle, that requires the substance of myself as life to be maintained, and  thus is my accepted and allowed separation from life, and thus from here - as what is here is life as what I am in substance, and this one and the same as all that is here.

I commit myself to recognizing my own tunnel vision in and as the culture of my past as my moral compass in separation from oneness and equality here.

I commit myself to breathing, to taking all judgements as slings and arrows created by self and thus separating self form equality and oneness here, back into self, realizing this is a protection defense mechanism, and breathing through the fear as my survival suit, as this suit is of substance in separation from here, able to be brought back to self, and to direct myself as what is best for all here.

I commit myself to stop, when I realize I am becoming a moral compass in separation from life, and I breath and I allow myself to realize the storm of emotion, thought and feeling cannot affect me unless I accept and allow this, as this storm of energy has not substance, and is in separation from life, and thus is unacceptable.

Earth's Journey to Life

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to Life

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• Day 127 Standing vulnerable
• Day 125 Hiding from Contradiction
• Day 124 Bearing no witness to what is real.

Day 94 The Looking Away Character

I was sitting and talking with someone I had not seen in a while, when I noticed that I would turn away and look as though I was looking at the sky, or the water or the people around me to avoid facing what was in front of me. I look away to pretend I am looking at something else.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to turn away from what is here to avoid facing myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not want to look at what I am allowing and accepting myself to exist as in and as feelings and emotions and thoughts, as opinions, ideas and beliefs in and as characters of my own self pity, self judgment, fear of self responsibility and self honesty, where the only choice is to be here, and realize the separation as the problem where the solution is to direct in self honesty within the principle of what is best for all, realizing that everything that is here on this earth is myself in another life, and within this, one and equal to me as the very substance as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my looking away is the positive front I present in response to the negative-reaction/fear I become inwardly within the moment.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that I, within this moment am participating in fear of failure, fear of loss, believing myself to lack, to be less-than, when the only solution is to stand and breath and bring myself here, to face what is here and to take the steps necessary to become one and equal to that which I am avoiding, be it having to speak up as myself as life, or be it to reveal openly what I believe I have not developed and to expand myself within seeing what is in another that is developed that I believe I do not have the capacity to be and become as I have been taught, and thus within this, what is taught in childhood are ideas and beliefs and opinions of what we are that is in itself a system of label instead of a system that supports life to be what life is, where learning to be and understand what is here requires simply walking the steps necessary for self development, yet within a system of profit, there can me no leader if there are no followers, thus the development of self, as self understanding self as life, able and capable as the human to expand in self awareness would be controlled to allow a few to profit.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that each of us are responsible for what is on this earth, and thus each and every one of us exists within our own self interests believing that relationships define, as the relationship is the experience gained, like a badge , when what is real is being here in the moment with experiences as realizing self awareness as self as life, as being one and equal to all that is of this earth,as how this earth functions which is the value and the capacity of life as what each and every one of us is, this value that is being sacrificed as secondary to an objectification of experience into collections placed within a hierarchy shrouded in a museum where the muse as life is as much locked in a cage as is the animal in a zoo. This is not life. This is an atrocity beyond measure, and the money system accepted and allowed on this earth must end. Money represents the resources given for the expression of life, not the building of mausoleums to create collections of the forms and expressions existent on earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that there is nothing to fear as what another exists as unless I accept and allow this to be real when I allow myself to define myself in relation, where I am here as myself as life, and thus I decide what it is that I accept and allow, where I realize that the only choice is the choice of what is best for all is best for myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that the behaviors existent on earth are in response to a system of inequality, a system that places ownership on earth for a few, creating imaginary invisible gods and hands and dream lands to justify having ownership and more than, when it is this physical world that is real that is life, where the systems of division and profit are to separate the human from life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that within my own behavior as a character who turns away., I am existing within an imaginary fear of separation from life, believing I am defined by more than and less than, when I am here, a physical human and thus I am one and equal to all that is here, as should my physical body cease to exist, so would I, this is the physical world life the gift of life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that myself being the telling of relationships where I believe the experience of having an event of standing in the “light” of an object outside of myself is what is real and of value, is only description and not the one and equal forgiving of myself as life as how I move as myself as life in being a directive that expands my awareness of this physical world within and as physical understanding.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that what is real, what is forgiving is myself directing myself as life and not myself describing life within opinion, idea and belief.

Thus, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that myself as turning away from belief, opinion and idea, is myself becoming one and equal to the separations into inferiority and superiority, the imaginary world of clinging to descriptions as label and not myself here being in and as a sound direction that expands awareness of how this physical world , that which is life, functions as the form that it is that is here, that is the gift of life, of which I am one and equal to as I am life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all war, within this present system is to serve the self interests of profit and gain and has nothing to do with the support of life, as the very action of war reflects the very form of war as what it is, where the children of this world are used in battle, an act of discarding life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that when I turn away, to chose not to look and take the time to understand how money works within the present system, I am in fact supporting war and the destruction of life and supporting the desire for ownership by the few, as this is all that war is, where the efforts used for war, at present are enough to support all life on this planet, where the money spent on war is enough to support life in oneness in equality where all life receives what is necessary to lead a life in self awareness of this physical world to become one and equal to this physical world and thus stand one and equal to life, dignified as life, becoming the gift of life that is given as what we are.

Stop the mind. 

Heaven's Journey to Life

Earth's Journey to Life

Equal Money System