Saturday, May 25, 2013

Day 364 Self Judgement Commitment Statements

If I read about some extreme injustice I become very angry and blame and react, so busy being blame that I no longer am here in common sense of the totality of what is here in earth and who I am as how I am within such a reaction. Then I have expectations that my righteousness will be understood and when it is not, I remain in ignorance singing the tune in and as my mind that another is ignorant or lack any semblance of care for another. Then I blame myself for not having made the situation clear enough, in some way. I remember before my husband died I kept thinking that the magic words must be there somewhere, I had simply not found them. And the answer was right there in front of me, it was what I had constructed as belief that was the separation, not the words individually, but how I used them, what I described, which lacked a complete understanding of what was going on. Even if I had placed my words to be clear, my husband had to take them and apply them himself, this I could not do, this was ultimately up to him, thus we are all to blame for what we allow, and cannot point the finger at anyone else.
I notice this tension in my legs, it is like they have this electrical circuitry that tenses them continuously and somehow, I am the cause of this as what I have accepted and allowed. So, I am attempting to write this out, as this is a behavior I have had for a very long time and it is going to take some time to slow this petrification of myself as how I am within me as how I am moving in detail as myself within.
It has even taken some time to see this, as I did this within my back and that took some time to get to relax. Self forgiveness is a much better tool than any drug. And I do not condone stopping drugs as they perhaps have a purpose for a moment.

I remember my father being able to hear an orchestral work and name the orchestra, the conductor, the piece. This was an ability to measure the character of these parts, which is to say the style of the conductor, and the orchestra and the piece were able to be heard through their combination of qualities. Which means that humans have the capacity to sense here in detail. There are those who can read every form water takes when frozen to understand the age of the ice, the strength of the ice, the atmospheric conditions slowly coming along. All of this is reading patterns, becoming familiar with this world. This intrinsic ability is the nature of the organic machine of the human, and the only reason it is not living up to this in full capacity is that it is denied development. I also think that the development of this is probably greater than any machine built by men today. Even though this within ourselves as humans has been suppressed for so long, we will probably need our inventions to help us discover what we are that some have achieved some level of ability within and as, to allow ourselves as life to be within our full potential as what we are as life, here.
In actuality, we have learned suppression, and this is maintained by a system, currently that is the manifestation of our own suppressions as life. We have completely separated ourselves from life, abdicated what we are as life, not realizing that the only way through to life is as ourselves. This is what was meant by going through the eye of the needle, one must become equal to the substance of life, to fit through, no machine we build is going to get us through, it is only equality and oneness to and as the starting point of life, the very substance of life, the “ sound” of life that is the building block equal and one within all of us. Must seem so abstract when looked at through a mind of chasing ideologies. Realizing these ideologies for what they are, idols to abdicate self responsibility as life, will seem like a death, but it is only a death of idol worship, as the only solution is to respect this actual physical world, as this is what is real. Heaven fed off of this, and it was a projection off the ground of earth. We have all been afraid of a lesser substance, and in the process become inferior to life. The joke is on you. And me. lol We are the creators of our own yokes.
So, I have this person I have known for many years. I went to a gathering with him. Now, he rants incessantly about how people are rude and ignore him. At this gathering there was another woman I have known for years, and I know her mother. Her mother is very much a mother in the traditional sense that she is constantly organizing and cleaning up, making sure things look in order. I know this because she owns a gallery and it is always in order, and this mother is constantly moving and tidying things up. She has been doing this for so long it is like habit as what she is. So, her daughter at this gathering was talking with me and my friend, when she suddenly turned and went to help someone she noticed was holding a bowl - as there was food at this gathering. The daughter went to get involved with the maintenance of the gathering, just like her mother, concentrating of this kind of detail, as though she could not help herself. I was looking at my friend as this happened in a moment, and the whole musculature of the face of my friend tensed and pursed.
We left the gathering and immediately in the car my friend started to go into the same rant about how people are rude and ignore him.  I said to him that this daughter was simply becoming her mother, becoming a role of taking care of the objects at the function, just life her mother, and that it really had nothing to do with my friend, she was simply becoming the habit she was taught. My friend said, I know - which he says all the time when something is pointed out - and continued to talk about how rude this behavior was.  I also know that the father and husband within this family does not believe that women should be in art. Which I will not explain here, so, I understand that this family has serious divisions within gender role play even in the face of this present world where women are more than capable of learning to draw and paint. There are probably layers of issues here that I will not go into, as the point is that it is beliefs, opinions and ideas that build our personalities and these beliefs, opinions and ideas playout in our behaviors, and it is all visible. Which is how my father could determine which conductor was conducting, which orchestra was performing and which piece was being played, and when it was written  and what culture it came from, as the details of the parts as the focus reveal the parts as what is not present and what is made huge and brought forward. And our divisions of quality create a persona that is readable, be it nation, country, tribe, family, gender, social level. All of these divisions where borders within the qualities are not allowed to be crossed, or so we believe.This organization has created separation and difficulty in communication, and this earth is in constant war and strife, thus, what we have created within all this is not working, our existential order is one of destruction and not life and therefor this must change. It is an order of limitation, the parts in themselves not bad, just simply ordered in such a way life is denied, withheld, and lacking communication as the parts with one another. Naturally, there are a few benefitting from this. Which begs the question, are they really? An ease of communication in totality would be a more fulfilling life, this cannot be denied. It is common sense.

So, what is it that is able to “ read” all of this” Can an idea “ read “ this” What is it that takes in all the “ sound “ of this and has some common sense of the parts, if this is developed? And can this “ reader” of here that is each of us, be taken into limited behaviors of blame and spite based in limited insight, as my friend was allowing himself to exist as, based on an idea of himself and what was needed to validate him? And why did he need a specific behavior the lack of which caused a reaction of blame and spite? All of this so silly because it is all wanting something that has no common sense of here, is of no communication of here as being life, living life here, learning to sense here and enjoy simply being here, learning to be and become equal and one in communication with life as what is substantial, here. This is why singular ideas as imagination are pointless, they are fantasies made huge and thus a separation from physical reality. We are actually living a language of fantasy, and this is based on the culture in which we were born. A selection of values creating a persona, and that fantastic persona is very limited. Were it not then an ease of communication would exist on earth. And it does not. Also, had we this, what knowledge and information presented by the media would have outcomes that were agreeable to all, and what is storied on the media is not doing this. The media only plays to each persona losing itself causing fear, instead of directing each of us to understand and stand as life in self responsibility.

And such attention deficit disorder is disordering life, as this is used to allow some to have more than others, and we allow this, because we are so caught up in blame and spite, idea and opinion, our thoughts that are judgements are ideas that something is more than another instead of placing what is here as expression into context with the physical real world, and in so doing this we separate ourselves from life, and our separation, our projection consumes the physical and we become habituated within our ideas, that are taught by those who were before us doing the same, and thus we end, we cannot move through the eye of the needle because we were never here, instead we were in our minds, believing our thoughts to be real our judgements to be real. These judgements when continued become emotions and feelings and then they become our behaviors, our personifications which are then constantly seeking validation, the memores as judgements wanting to be right, wanting a right to life, which is believing an illusion, being the lie of separation and suppression of self as life being here, reading here, understanding here as the physical is the gift to bring self here to allow equality and oneness to and as life here. 
I have to within myself see my own judgements that are separations from life, as what i was taught, not all good or bad, but simply limited, and as this a suppression of myself as life. 
The only solution is to take what I have used as ideas and beliefs and opinions as judgement of what is more than and less than, superior and inferior and bring these back to myself, take what is good and what prevents disease with here, and direct within the principle of what is best for all, even in the face of reaction and protection and defense of personification as behaviors of ego, which is to bring a limitation/ambiguity back to equal and one consideration of practical needs of physical reality, as it is the physical which is the source of life, not a heaven, not the idea touted by a media owned by a corporation that has an idea that it can determine what people need, as believing one knows what people need is to deny the actual physical world being more than able to determine what is needed as the physical is its own technology able to take care of itself, as it can “ read” here as it is life, the very source of life. Taking care of the physical world and allowing it to be what it is, especially the human, to be and become what it is capable of is the only solution, as this is the way of life. And that is just common sense.
Our economic system is not on par with life, it does not support life, it does not prevent disease, poverty, sexual abuse, ignorance, pollution, killing, animal abuse, soil erosion.  Fractional reserve banking within interest lending allows the interests of a few to not only serve in self interest, but use the profits as the principle, divided again and again under names of a different color, move the separated values into building a war machine to capture and divide resource and information; our media being the projector of limited information to diminish understanding and yoke understanding within limited means, all done in self interest with the idea projected that one hand feeds us despite physical fact that it takes many many hands to have built and to built what exists, making it very obvious that the outward manifestation as the order of this system is simply a macrocosm of what we are each allowing and accepting within ourselves on and individual/micro level as consciousness as thoughts as judgements as idea that one thing is more than another, when the order of equality as all being of same substance in expression in different rhythms as what is needed to be the physical world working as an expression of life, meaning on a practical level that physical skill is not more than intellectual skill as both are needed to support life, as where we stand at the moment. 

So, when and as I find myself imagining via a hierarchy of values about another, analyzing them and placing them on a scale of more and less value I stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand that they are me and I am them, that the present system as consciousness as mind, as personification of limited ideas, beliefs and opinions, exposing themselves within and as me as thoughts, that when repeated and used as directive, become emotions, and feelings, as fear of loss and justification for an action taken to hide the negative judgement in and as limitation and thus separation from here, I slow myself down and I direct within and as the principle of what is best for all, realizing that within directing as such, behaviors of protection and defense of personality will react in self interest, and here I continue to remain within and as breath, and to not allow myself to become inferior to the bully of the mind, and/or judge myself as superior as the only choice is to become the living word within and as what is best for all.

When and as I find myself reacting to a fear of being judged, I stop and breath, and I see, realize and understand that I allow myself to be judged as judgement need only be directed within and as what is best for all, of which is visible as all life on earth being cared for and developed within the inherent nature of man as a physical being to and towards communicating as life in awareness and consideration of all life, as is the nature of life.
When and as I find myself imagining a loss, I stop and I breath and i bring myself back here, and realize that the only thing that can be lost are thoughts as ideas, opinions and beliefs that are not in accord with life, with what is best for all,  and that the mind is an imagination and not what is real, here as the physical, thus the only choice is to stop and breath and bring myself here realizing what is supportive of life absolutely through care for this actual physical world, which means I have to place myself here and accept the physical as me, as what is real.
When and as I find myself moving towards a behavior as a reaction, as spite and blame, as comparison and competition, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down to “read”/look at the actual physical world here, to no longer allow myself to judge on a scale, through a scale, of more than and less than, and instead to look at what is real as the physical and to use my common sense to investigate what works as support absolutely, or to direct within what would support the physical world to prevent disease and allow the life that is here to become directive as itself within and as equality and oneness as what is best for all.

When and as I find myself tensing up in my legs I stop and I breath, and I take the time to slow down and see what I am allowing and accepting in terms of judgement as blame and spite, comparison and competition, that is myself suppressing myself as life into a mental fantasy of limited qualities selected as associations learned, and I direct without fear of loss within and as the principle of what is best for all, thus I walk through my smoke screen of fears as separations being used as label for protection and defense, of self abdication and I speak within common sense of what is best for all here.
When and as I begin to point out how the present system functions as a system of inequality, as a system that begins within each and every one of us, I stop and I breath and I do not allow myself to become inferior to here, within and as blame and spite, judgement of more than and less than via comparison and competition, as I take the principle of what is best for all is best for self, and I direct within this principle as myself as life, to begin to redirect this behavior of suppression I have accepted and allowed that is my own behavior of limitation in being equal and one to and as life, here.
When and I have a thought that something has been “ done unto me” I stop and I breath, and I realize that there is a whole past of judgement behind me, resonantly held within as belief, opinion and idea that broadcasts it separation via thoughts, emotions and feelings, which I no longer allow to be the experience of myself here, as I walk this through forgiving this back to myself and directing this within correcting this towards what is best for all via being equal and one with and as this actual physical world, as this is what is real and not the imaginations in and as my mind, as consciousness.
When and as I find myself allowing myself to believe I am being coerced, I stop and I breath, and I stop the circular logic as thoughts of bad and good, more than and less than, loss and gain, reward and punishment, and I take this catch 22 and see, realize and understand what would be best for all, placing the physical as myself here, investigating and speaking up within what is directive here in equality and oneness as what supports the physical world absolutely.

Desteni DIP Self forgiveness to deprogram the separation from life to and towards becomeing equal and one with and as life. Stop the mind of separation. Come back to the physical. Birth Yourself as life. There is no other choice.

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