Day 540 Being a Leader and Being Self Responsible

Being a leader and being self responsible.

I remember when I first went and lived in Europe that I felt overwhelmed by the towns, like the very stones in the cities were filled with stories that were a burden, heavy. I would find solace in nature, under a tree. And I remember asking myself why I found more ease under a tree than I did in a city street, when the tree was around far longer than that city.

In all, though the burden of discord as the past of the behaviors of men, the abuse of labor etc. may be in every measure of stone, to allow myself to be influenced by this, is in itself a rejection of what is basically a story, that is all. I can’t really understand how we got to where we are if I don’t understand the movements that lead to all that is within me, as my reactions and all that is without me, as the world around me.

If I resist, then that which I resist persists, because it is myself rejecting something, which means I am not clear with something to the point where i am at ease. To be at ease, is to have no fear, to be clear in understanding, to realize that I am able to move with what is here, and that I cannot be hurt unless I am not paying attention. Also, at where we are now, as what has been accepted and allowed on earth, there are, in common sense, some things that one does not participate within, because humans have become, basically zombies caught in a web of their own making, that is not a web of support and respect and “ understanding” development of what it means to life as a physical bio-organic entity on this earth, where this physical beingness is a visible and practical expression, as real expression is. 

I remember saying to people when they viewed me as being talented because I played the violin, I would say, no, it has nothing to do with this, it is simply walking the steps and doing it, that is all. In all common sense. But then, this is being responsible. Pretty words are just pretty words, “ real “ words look at what is here, real words are living words, that lead, that give direction, that show development. Real words that do not punish or reward, give direction, give the ability of each human, to become self empowered, self directed, responsible. Thus, leading is giving self empowerment, absolutely. Real leadership, expects no reward, because it understands that the real reward is to direct all that is here, as each human being, the ability to become self responsible.  Because this increases the ability of men to create as each point, as each man, can come together and create a world that enables the whole orchestra to perform, and that it is this that builds a sound of life. So, when we support this physical world, in ways that do no harm, we create a web of life that is in full function, full expression, full potential, because this is how we support ourselves to our fullest.

We need the perspective of every person on the ground, to have the insight needed to understand what supports and builds a planet where every inch is performing as its form allows it. one man’s idea as the mind, cannot possibly realize this, hence the idea of a superman is an impulse to create a dream connection instead of an equal connection to what enables us to exist in life formation, which is the physical world.

It must be understood that every leaf on every tree is moving with the total expression of what is best for all, every turn, every sway, every single movement, it is an absolute purpose of allowing life to express in full potential. When we humans impose ideas onto this, we become separate from this, we become unequal to life.

I have somehow, reacted to misunderstanding as rejection, which means I am expecting understanding without standing consistently as understanding, and as such listening to realize the limitation/rejection/measure/focus cannot hurt me unless I accept and allow it, because as human beings, what we inform ourselves as, is what we become. If our information within is not equal in understanding to that which we are without, then that separation causes an inability to direct ourselves leading to a consequence of instability that develops a lack of self trust. 

When my husband died, I would weep. A very strange sensation to have rivers of water flow from your eyes, to such an extent, that your shirt becomes all wet. This crying is really the shame self faces for not standing equal and one to and as life here. It is the recognition that life is not being lived, and the hurt is really self not living, which self cannot blame anything other that self.

The only way out is to stand, here, equal and one in common sense of practical physical reality, to move within the purpose of realizing that this is it, what we create here, is what we get, and it is the whole of this planet that is to be considered with every breath we take.

As long as I believe I am not being understood due to any measure of loss, and am hurting because of this, I am not here, I am not becoming responsible for what I am within and for the effects of this without because I can only direct as what is best for all if that ease as life is to become what it is that is the I am, as myself as life here. And to realize, that that interaction, that communication, is the expression of myself as life here.

So, when I have an emotion of resistance I look to the belief behind that emotion.

When I feel hurt, I look to what expectations I have had and where I am not being clear about how we as humans are informed and how we have believed that information within to be more real than the physical world of life without.

What I need to exist - besides practical basic needs given what we have allowed to form as life on earth - is myself as life, here, as this is what allows even that fantasy as mind, as consciousness that is what presently exists in men that is not equal in measure to the composition of ourselves which is reality, here which is what enables life. The solution, to equalize ourselves within to create a world without, that is an expression of leading ourselves as life, is to support a Living Income Guarantee, so that we can begin to equalize ourselves to what supports this world in ways that do no harm, because it will allow us to see our own cognitive dissonance, our misinformation,  our chaos, to become what is very simple, ourselves as life in-formation.

Day 96 The care actor of the future, the past, and not here

Day 96

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing the future.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear losing the past.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have attached the past onto an object.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become supersticious of the future with and as my past.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to once again bite my fingernails as I am not here, but in fear and not wanting to move which means that I am not here, realizing myself as life in oneness in equality and allowing all manner of fears and wants and beliefs to carry me, as the mind, down a rabbit whole away from what is physically, practically here as life, this gift that is given to allow myself to live and be life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the illusions of the mind consume myself here and build imagery upon what is actually physically here, where I allow “here”: to become heavy, where I allow “here” seem difficult. Where here is the only place that is real.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to direct myself with what is here, and to allow myself to believe that the future is some unknown place of doom and failure, a place where some monster lurks with the intention of eating me up.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I cannot lose the past, as the past is already past, and not what is actually physically here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be attached to objects where I presently exist that I believe would be sad to lose.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that what exists here, where I am is more than another place of existence, where in fact, all of this earth should be a place where all life is being lived in dignity, where no matter whose shoes I wear and no matter what ground is beneath my feat, what exists is life being lived with and in dignity.

I forgive myself for believing that the past of youth and “innocence” is real and is something to carry as memorabilia.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that this memorabilia is a collection of memories to which I attribute a positive feeling as what I seek to placate a fear of facing the future, as the future I believe to be of uncertainty.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that change, if seen as change, is an acceptance of losing something, when change is simply change, where the landscape may change, but what is real, which is life, is what is here and within a “place of change.”

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that my fear, and my action of not wanting to give up my past is one and the same as myself stagnant within not wanting to move into the future, where the illusion is of losing the past, and thus not wanting to change, but the way to strengthen myself as life is to become one and equal to life here, and thus to not fear what is here, what is life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in holding onto an object that represents my past, I am so busy holding this object that I am consuming myself with a past, in and as sentiments of past experience, and thus I an cemented to my past, believing this cement is real when it is just pictures and has no real value as life, as it is images and not myself as life within the directive principle of oneness in equality, of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in living within the sentiments of my past, onto an object which I have projected – making an object of desire- I am avoiding and postponing the walking of myself into life, becoming life, realizing that all that is here is life, within which the illusion is that life does not exist somewhere else on this planet, and is just here where I have a past.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that I am making the future seem empty in bringing the past here as something that can be lost, when the past is not here and thus not something that is real.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that the only choice is to be absolutely here, one and equal to what is here, where the inner and the outer is here, as this is life, and not the images of my past, thus for myself to birth myself into and as life within this physical world, this gift of life, I cannot fear what is here, and I cannot walk through what is not here, thus fearing the future will create a sense of falling, as I am trying to see what is not here, and thus I will fall, as what is not here is not real.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that the tiredness I feel at this moment is myself resisting the realization that there is only here, equal and one with what is here, that in existing as fear of the future, I am within a stupidity loop pretending to what is non existent.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to burden myself here with the past and with the future, in separation with what I am able to exist with and as, myself as life here, as all there is is what is here, as I can only place one foot in front of another , here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that in common sense, if one foot is in the future and one foot is in the past, then I will lose my step and thus lose myself as I am not here, this that is here, this physical, here, is in this moment the only thing that is real.

I commit myself to realizing that all there is is what is here, in this moment, understanding how here works, how what is actually physically here works, where all emotions and feelings are not what is physically here.

I commit myself to realizing that self direction , self responsibility can only be with what is physically here, and thus any emotion and feeling is based on an idea, as a picture, is an add-on to support the image and likeness of what is taught/proposed/supporting a system of survival and profit to feed an illusion of more than and less than, and within this limiting the use of what is here, as this physical world in a way that supports all life, and within this creating a working, vibrant organism as life on earth, where life cannot and will not become and exist in absolute purpose of expression as life until every part of this organism that is life, that is the gift of life, that is each and every one of us, is in fact allowed to be life, and that until each part can stand as life working in tandem, life will not be lived and the eye of the needle will not be walked though until each and every one/thing/person/plant/animal/micro-organism – thus are the elite of this world as screwed as the poor unless a world of oneness in equality is lived/supported/dignified as life in fact, as is would make sense that to become life, all must become aware of this physical world and how this world functions, as no parent, no “god” would want their child to not have full understanding of life, as this is the gift. It is time to get this done. It is time for a system that supports all life. One man, one vote. Equal Money here.

Day 21 My Story as a Widow

My Story as a Widow.

What happens when a great shock comes into one’s life? Where everything one has is lost, all the relationships are lost; friends, country, lifestyle, situation? By relationships I mean, the very people in your world, the binds what I had, all lost in one moment, no more apartment, no more husband, no more friends with whom I had spent years with with my small children, no more language, no more nothing. I was numb, I was in shock, as what numbness would be. Go and read about trauma and you will find that a person will chemically go into what is called shock, but what this  really is is that all relationships one has existed as are gone in one moment. They are simply no longer there.

It was like there was nothing to feel anymore. And I would talk to the people around me and say to them that I felt only indifference, that I was not feeling anything and that was not this curious, was there something wrong with me? But i did not really have this “feeling” that there was something wrong with me, I tried to find something to “feel” even drinking down a six pack of beer just to escape non-feeling. And the whole time I was watching my self. And it was as though the people I talked to who I said I was this thing of indifference never had a response, it was as though this statement of mine was not heard, I wondered why no one was hearing this. Can you imagine me saying, I am indifferent to everything, what is this?  Nothing, no response.

Mostly what I got was being told I needed a man, that this would settle everything, that in having a man, I would see what a “real” man would be, as my husband had not been a “real” man because he had hung himself from the rafters.

This made no sense to me. My marriage had been normal. My husband and I had been very comfortable sexually, my ten years of marriage in this area was enjoyable and comfortable and regular. Even after the children were born, we chose to be together, to sleep next to one another. Always. We even held hands, it was “natural” between “ us, we just gravitated to this. Even on the day he died we had done this. Though, even on this last day, I knew something was “wrong,” i had told him to be himself. I didn’t understand how the world worked, I had to lose everything to learn how this world worked. And this is the fate of all of us unless we stop and look, research and answer those questions that come up that ask why things are the way they are. There is no choice this has to be done. Each of us has the responsibility to research and understand this world, it is the ONLY way to ensure that what we have created never happens again. We have to look at those videos of abuse to animals, we have to look into the murder and rape and functioning of this money system, we have to let go of all ideas we have about this system, all righteous rants, as these righteous rants are e (ergy) roars/errors of our limited insight as to how and what and why what exists on this earth exists. Our roar, our words, our stances, what we are is the very thing causing the abuse of this world. Thus do we tell ourselves, as what we are, our actions that are the being of ourselves that is the creation of this world. We are all responsible. Our emotions and feelings are our separation from our responsibility as life, they are us not being life.

So, here I am. numb, feeling nothing, having lost my world in one moment. I am in another place, I am numb. My sister drags me out to socialize. This was within two months of my husbands death. I go.

I am sitting there at this table at a restaurant, a large table with many people around it. It is summer, big trees shade the table, there is a breeze. Normal life there. The premise is that Rebecca needs to socialize and find a man.

Meanwhile I was so numb it was all I could to to keep my self upright in my chair.

What happens next. Now remember I have lost everything, all emotional ties, all relationships, everything. So I am asa a nothing, no emotion, no feeling, no thought, just numb. Yet I am physically here at this table, aware that I am in shock and numb, of being like nothing.

This is when I noticed something so far fetched I kept this to my self, I mean who the fuck was I supposed to say something to? The shrinks just offered sympathy, and somehow this was not a solution.

Suddenly, it was like the space of everything in front of me switched, the very fabric of everything slowed down or “warped” or lost a shine or sheen, the light alters in some way. It seems really subtle but it is reality altering the space of here. Within this I am still sitting at this table and this is steady, I do not even have a thought of losing this. I am numbness, there are no associations here for me, I have lost them all.

I think it was the sound of the people speaking that I picked up first and then instantly all else followed. All those people around that table were not here, they were like looking at something, the very focus of their eyes was on something that was not here, and the words they spoke were engineered to draw attention to themselves, to become the subject of themselves to feed them as what they were seeing that was not them seeing here. And then there was this screen like thing in front of them, a bluish lighted thing. That was reality.

I quess I had lost mine. I was so numb, mine no longer existed for the moment, mine was no longer real, to I was numb. Within this I had no where to look, I had no emotions and feelings that I was bound to, and so, for a moment I was actually here, seeing what was here, I was no longer looking at my screen as it was gone, deconstructed through trauma. What I thought was that I was going crazy, what I said to my self was, “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT????” and “ Oh my fucking god, no one is here, everyone is following some fucked up “thing” and existing in some kind of vortex, where they want everyone to take on their subjects for them,” so to speak as the best way I know how to describe this.

I must be losing it, I must be really crazy. But in some way this makes so much sense, It fits with so much of how people are and what they do, and how they misunderstand one another, and how there is so much lack of communication, and how there is so much anger and and and and.

I kept this to my self, because I was afraid, I mean who was there to talk to, as I said before?

Just asking about my own indifference was ignored. But this would have been ignored if everyone  was reading their screens, my words would not have served the interests of subject orientation that is what people have become as reflections of their separation from here as they hid from their unresolved fears/separations from actually being here, this would be the very construct that desteni is talking about, they describe what this is in detail, and it makes so much sense!

There is nothing extra-ordinary in what happened to me, it is nothing special, it is the outcome of having lost everything, no longer having a place in a web of relationships and having to rebuild my life to fit into another scenario. In this space of numbness as no past and having to rebuild I stopped. I was looking outward to rebuild and here I had a moment where I could see what was happening in this world. If I was numb, the very chemistry of my human physical body in “numbness” meaning I had no emotion or feeling to exist as, I would see outside of emotion and feeling, and thus see the storm of emotion and feeling in others and the construction of this around others. To label this as crazy makes no sense, as it is simply what it is as what this world is. Perhaps, all the music I had played was the development of my self to sense a more subtle world, and this is why also in this moment this happened. Which means that this ability is developmental, that we are like a construct as this human physical body that is capable of being trained to be here, and we are also able to be programmed, to build a shield of “lights” we read that separate us from being here, actually realizing this physical world, this that we are that is the substance of life, that has been constructed into a bubble of believed support that is really just a separation from substance as life.

There is so much to clean up, and it must start with ourselves. What happened to me was not “special” was not a mirage, it was what would happen to the loss of everything one had believed to be what should be built to exist in this world, and the developmental capacity of the human being. RIght here in front of us. We have separated ourselves from the substance of life. And this is reality that we have created.  We have become e(nergy)go robots and we cannot see it.

Will it take us losing everything to see this?

This is what is going to happen. Either this or we clean this up through forgiving this bubble that is broadcasts of mind, unresolved un accepted awareness of life.. It is like we deny what is so forgiving as life, we deny the substance of ourselves that is supportive.

Before this, when I knew something was wrong with my husband, I kept saying to him that all he had to do is be himself, that what he believed he had to be was not going to help him. When he died, a while afterwards I stopped one day and said, fuck, I am going to have to be and become what i was telling him to be and become. And I realized I had no idea how to do this. but I knew the answer had to be here, right in front of me. So I kept looking and looking, and getting caught up in things and then walking away, and then looking some more. And then I found desteni, and the process of self forgiveness.

I still do not have a “man, “ I can’t do it. I cannot and will not support an ego, it is like supporting death, it is too unbearable. It is like watching someone die. And when I point this out, the men run away, or pretend to acquiesce because they don’t want to lose the sex. And ironically, the men my age begin to lose their ability to have erections ( now you understand the story of Mrs. Robinson)

and run away in fear. 

I have had carpenters come to my house, and immediately the whole unspoken sex thing comes up, only to end in irritation voiced by the male. I am not complying to the structure of what they want, a structure that maintains the un-faced fear as the subject that consumes to the point where the penis has no more energy to be what a penis is. And it is done to self. Ego is self destruction and cannot be supported, can only be used to realize what it is that is limiting self and the blueprint for the application of self forgiveness, to sound the words to remove the screen that is self separating self from life.

Clean up yourself as what has been accepted and allowed so that ending up with losing everything is not how this is realized as what has been accepted and allowed. There is no reason for the existence of suicide, and if you have any “feelings and emotions” about this forgive them, sympathy is useless, it is only the pathology  of an addiction and justification for emotions and feelings that are the indicators of separation from life, a life lived in the subject of not accepting life as all as one as equal. Discover life, forgive yourself and face the illusion of your fears manifest as your ego. There is no other choice.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that what I believe as mind is real.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear my own fear and to believe that this fear is real, to run from a sensation of shaking within my self.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that anxiety within my self is my fear, and that this anxiety can be walked through and realized for what it is, a fear of unworthiness  and that something will be lost, when all that will be lost is an emotion looked at and recognized for what it is, a separation from equality, the realization that what I believe is supportive is just a personality fearful of survival in a system accepted and allowed that demands survival as the use of money to support desires of more than and less than, the very reflection of what i am as ego in fear of becoming one and equal to all life, as I judge this world within a context of more than and less than as the very lessons of division learned as a child from parents stuck in the same state of separation from life, where I was taught to be a persona to fit into this world.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe I must be punished for what i have accepted and allowed, not realizing that such an act is the perpetuation of the separation from my self as equal and one to life as this is what I am because I am here, thus I am life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that I had to create a persona, to hide my fears, to hide what I have not faced, to become a fixed expression in and as a singular emotion and feeling  to connect with this world, where in fact all I am doing is hiding my self from my self and depressing the very life of my self manifest in  becoming bored with this world, as I have limited the very expression of my self and created and supported a world that limits the means of self expression as i have existed in singular relationships separate from an awareness of the whole of existence and thus separated my self from what is best for all, and that this is best for self.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that the very malfunctioning of my human physical body is a replication of my separation from myself as life, where I have constricted the very flow of life in and through my human physical body, creating knots of compounded “un-flow” of life, where slowly but surly the lack of flow interrupts the functioning of my human physical body where I believe that drugs will alleviate this knot when In fact no drug can alter this as I must self realize what I have accepted and allowed in fear, as judging my world within a context of more than and less than, and thus limited perception of the very fabric of existence as the substance of life that is what all is one and equal to me as life, as I am life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that facing this is too much, when there is no other choice and this must be done, and that considering how long I have lived seven years is nothing in comparison.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not want to see the screen to fear the very idea that there is a screen in front of my eyes and that I have spent my self as life building this screen and that because all I see is this screen I can’t even fathom that it exists, and unless I face this, it will be faced in the loss of everything I have believed my self to be, and the shock of this could be so great that I may dispearse my self to such an extent I will only make this process, that must be cleaned up, even greater than need be, as I an here, and I have the opportunity to discover my self as life and become that which I am one and equal to life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to be so overwhelmed with thinking about money and survival that to turn my self from this and create an objective view seems impossible yet, this must be done, as this is, in common sense the only way to get a handle on the situation.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that I am too old and that there is too much compounded with and as me, not realizing that perhaps this is an illusion of the mind, to fuck with me, another excuse, another justification.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to immediately go into breath the moment I feel any physical constriction and to see how I am constricting within and as my self as this constriction is the stuff to forgive, to see and realize and forgive, and at first the resistance will be great, where resistance is an indication of transcending this act within my self of self denial as life, where I actually exist as self dishonesty and lose self trust and the capacity to direct my self as I allow my self to be directed by energy, by emotion and feeling, the separation into and as fear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  wallow in compassion for others, and not to breath and walk through this, to stop this as all that I am, as ONLY what i am, and not to look at the self as life and see solution, and realize that it will take research and time to see and realize solution, yet there is life, that is equality, that is the principle of all as one as equal, the principle of giving as one would like to receive, thus the tools are here, thus there is nothing to fear, as the equalizing of life and the stopping of separation has the principle of equality and oneness.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that I am the habit, the addiction to righteous justification of my persona, which in reality is my self living in a dream of my past as support of my self where I have created an entity of relationships that are singular and separate from, and thus a form of separation, the being of my self as oneness in equality that which I search for, yet is right here in front of myself, yet I have woven an illusion as image as the means to an end, not realizing that this idea as image is the constriction of my self away from my self as life, as being and living the principle of oneness and equality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that what I seek in others is what I have separated my self from as my self, believing I am not this, when - as I am life one and equal to all life, in fact this, yet the persona of what I believe my self to be is limiting my self from allowing my self from being as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that when I judge it is my self fearing losing something, that which I support my self as, and ironically nothing will be lost, and what will be gained is a capacity to transform within and as life, in my own expression in and as life, as what I do is not what i am, it is how i am within what I do that is me being the principle of oneness in equality without resistance to my self as life here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting myself to not see the moment I become spite, I am blaming an object and trying to ignore and destroy this object as this represents what I have separated within my self from, to not face what I fear I cannot be, or what i fear will destroy my persona and thus myself, when this persona is the destruction of my self, and that this is the mind, that I have allowed to become me, and imbed within me, where i am literally “in bed” with my own accepted and allowed and constructed persona as belief opinion and idea of my self that is a limitation and separation of my self from life, in essence i have created a bed of separation, and the state of my human physical body reflect this.

I commit my self to using the tools of self forgiveness, writing and self corrective application, within and as the principle of oneness in equality the principle of loving my neighbor as my self to bring my self back to life, to forgive the self created persona of my self and to while within this process not to take anything personally, as I am a construction in this physical as life,and all that need be done is to align my self with life, as being self pity, blame, justification is all only more of the same thing that created this mess in the first place, where had I accepted my self as life in the first place non of this would have happened, and that If I choose to not do this I am spiting life, and thus only creating more of the same, thus this is not a solution no matter how hard I fight this, it is not a solution.

I commit my self to breath, to breathing as this is the only thing that is real, as this is the physical here, and all the storms of the mind cannot touch me unless I accept and allow this, and yes, these storms must be faced and cleaned up, one by one by one, as this was not constructed in a day, and will take time to deconstruct, yet while I deconstruct i will see what I have accepted and allowed and thus be able to direct others to do this for themselves.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting myself to  fear acknowledgment of what I have accepted and allowed within and as my self.

I commit my self to facing what i have accepted and allowed as the separation of my self from my self as life, to in this moment realizing the judgements and desires I have accepted and allowed that are causing my legs to have pain and sensations of  pins and needles  as the breath of life has been denied through my own acceptances and allowances, and as I clean this up the breath of life will slowly return as it has done within my back as my back feel lighter and more flexible, where i had to really face the constriction I had accepted and allowed and accept my self as life, to stop a belief that I was unworthy and then to face what I had accepted and allowed throughout my life as having existed as such and restricted my self as life in fear of some discovery of what i believed my self to be that was not real and only a belief, and even here I must remain in breath and not fear actually breathing in to my human physical body, as I realize within this process that I was not even really breathing into my self, that my breath was shallow, that I was not even aware of the extent that I was not really breathing, and that this indicates how separate I am from my self as life, this simple act of breathing will show how un breathing i am here within and as my human  physical body, and where there are health practices that actually get people to breath , as we are aware of the fact that we are not breathing and that health needs breath, thus everything is already here to assist and support us, that it is only not-doing that is the limitation at this point.

I commit my self to breath , to breathing through anxiety, to facing this anxiety and forgiving this.

I commit my self to stopping in every moment and becoming breath before, steady and calm.

I commit my self to breathing, and self forgiveness and corrective application, to remove all emotions, thoughts and feelings, so that I become what I am, aligned with and as life, as the principle of oneness in equality to build a world that is best for all, to bring heaven onto earth where suicide need not exist, as this is a denial of life, a constriction of self  into frustration and anger at how this world exists, where such anger and frustration can compound to the point where there is so much pain in the human  physical body that migraine head aches can cause a person to want to die to get away from the pain, yet what was the acceptance and allowance of this pain, that was not realized and forgiven was also the cause and that sympathy, though not in itself “bad or good” and a non understanding of how this world works in totality in not an acceptable excuse, and all must be done by every individual ( in divided duality as mind, polarities of more than and less than, energy addictions that move from less to more as this is the nature of energy as polarity seeking to perpetuate itself) to be faced and realized as what has been accepted and allowed, within this I breath and I clean up this mess within my self one breath at a time.

I commit my self to breath, to earth to the principle of oneness in equality, here as I am life, and I will become/allow with respect life, by becoming that in all due respect.

desteni

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Self Perfection is self direction.