Day 540 Being a Leader and Being Self Responsible

Being a leader and being self responsible.

I remember when I first went and lived in Europe that I felt overwhelmed by the towns, like the very stones in the cities were filled with stories that were a burden, heavy. I would find solace in nature, under a tree. And I remember asking myself why I found more ease under a tree than I did in a city street, when the tree was around far longer than that city.

In all, though the burden of discord as the past of the behaviors of men, the abuse of labor etc. may be in every measure of stone, to allow myself to be influenced by this, is in itself a rejection of what is basically a story, that is all. I can’t really understand how we got to where we are if I don’t understand the movements that lead to all that is within me, as my reactions and all that is without me, as the world around me.

If I resist, then that which I resist persists, because it is myself rejecting something, which means I am not clear with something to the point where i am at ease. To be at ease, is to have no fear, to be clear in understanding, to realize that I am able to move with what is here, and that I cannot be hurt unless I am not paying attention. Also, at where we are now, as what has been accepted and allowed on earth, there are, in common sense, some things that one does not participate within, because humans have become, basically zombies caught in a web of their own making, that is not a web of support and respect and “ understanding” development of what it means to life as a physical bio-organic entity on this earth, where this physical beingness is a visible and practical expression, as real expression is. 

I remember saying to people when they viewed me as being talented because I played the violin, I would say, no, it has nothing to do with this, it is simply walking the steps and doing it, that is all. In all common sense. But then, this is being responsible. Pretty words are just pretty words, “ real “ words look at what is here, real words are living words, that lead, that give direction, that show development. Real words that do not punish or reward, give direction, give the ability of each human, to become self empowered, self directed, responsible. Thus, leading is giving self empowerment, absolutely. Real leadership, expects no reward, because it understands that the real reward is to direct all that is here, as each human being, the ability to become self responsible.  Because this increases the ability of men to create as each point, as each man, can come together and create a world that enables the whole orchestra to perform, and that it is this that builds a sound of life. So, when we support this physical world, in ways that do no harm, we create a web of life that is in full function, full expression, full potential, because this is how we support ourselves to our fullest.

We need the perspective of every person on the ground, to have the insight needed to understand what supports and builds a planet where every inch is performing as its form allows it. one man’s idea as the mind, cannot possibly realize this, hence the idea of a superman is an impulse to create a dream connection instead of an equal connection to what enables us to exist in life formation, which is the physical world.

It must be understood that every leaf on every tree is moving with the total expression of what is best for all, every turn, every sway, every single movement, it is an absolute purpose of allowing life to express in full potential. When we humans impose ideas onto this, we become separate from this, we become unequal to life.

I have somehow, reacted to misunderstanding as rejection, which means I am expecting understanding without standing consistently as understanding, and as such listening to realize the limitation/rejection/measure/focus cannot hurt me unless I accept and allow it, because as human beings, what we inform ourselves as, is what we become. If our information within is not equal in understanding to that which we are without, then that separation causes an inability to direct ourselves leading to a consequence of instability that develops a lack of self trust. 

When my husband died, I would weep. A very strange sensation to have rivers of water flow from your eyes, to such an extent, that your shirt becomes all wet. This crying is really the shame self faces for not standing equal and one to and as life here. It is the recognition that life is not being lived, and the hurt is really self not living, which self cannot blame anything other that self.

The only way out is to stand, here, equal and one in common sense of practical physical reality, to move within the purpose of realizing that this is it, what we create here, is what we get, and it is the whole of this planet that is to be considered with every breath we take.

As long as I believe I am not being understood due to any measure of loss, and am hurting because of this, I am not here, I am not becoming responsible for what I am within and for the effects of this without because I can only direct as what is best for all if that ease as life is to become what it is that is the I am, as myself as life here. And to realize, that that interaction, that communication, is the expression of myself as life here.

So, when I have an emotion of resistance I look to the belief behind that emotion.

When I feel hurt, I look to what expectations I have had and where I am not being clear about how we as humans are informed and how we have believed that information within to be more real than the physical world of life without.

What I need to exist - besides practical basic needs given what we have allowed to form as life on earth - is myself as life, here, as this is what allows even that fantasy as mind, as consciousness that is what presently exists in men that is not equal in measure to the composition of ourselves which is reality, here which is what enables life. The solution, to equalize ourselves within to create a world without, that is an expression of leading ourselves as life, is to support a Living Income Guarantee, so that we can begin to equalize ourselves to what supports this world in ways that do no harm, because it will allow us to see our own cognitive dissonance, our misinformation,  our chaos, to become what is very simple, ourselves as life in-formation.

Day 537 Going into Mind Consciousness Self Forgiveness

So much knowledge and information as what I have learned, as what I was taught to believe as how I measure this world, has me comparing and competing based on a limited framework of survival. The mechanism of the social contract accepted and allowed by men, where money determines one’s ability, one’s opportunity, and as such, one’s development. This happens by degree on so many levels, and as we are physically living in a relatively small circle, we get caught up in the immediate measure of our world only, and lose sight of the total structure of the world, the systems, the consequences in detail, about what is happening. And while we are in our daily lives, the apparatus of the world around us, as the system makes small incremental changes over time, and before we know it, as we see happening in America, the money system has shifted to one of extreme inequality.

Yet, this extreme inequality has been around for a very long time. Were it not then there would be no starving children. Since we have not taken care of the dis-ease, it has only grown. And this dis-ease has two forms, one of greed, and one of lack, one of excessive accumulation of money and goods, and the other side of this coin, children dying of starvation and environmental pollution.

This coin, of extremes, the consequential polarities the faces of this coin, are in total the limitation that in itself is a separation from common sense. And common sense is what is lost when we remain within small circles of understanding. This understanding ONLY in our immediate environment, without being responsible for what is happening all over this world.

This is really why the only solution is the realization that we are all equal in substance, because it will allow a respect for the whole, the full potential of an innate common sense that at the moment has only been trained to look at the immediate environment instead of this immediate environment and the events and movements going on around this world as a measure of what life as earth is.  Each part of this environment is connected to the one next to it, thus it is all connected. Our common sense is to be equal to the measure of the physical and its expression. Our words must be equal to a clear, living, measure of here, where we can then begin to see the patterns and thus form of not only what we have allowed within, but also, that which is the physical in expression, as this is the way to equality with what we are as life. The chaos of the mind, in a measure of very limited value judgement, as an idea that one thing is more than another, is very limited.

So, when I realize I have gone back into a limited awareness as the information in and as my mind, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I notice how I am moving. Am I comparing, am I existing as definition about another, in relation to myself, which means I am defining myself, judging myself in a bubble, based on taught criteria so I don’t fall into the extreme as the side of the coin of poverty and starvation. I see where I am fearing to lose opportunity, and or believing I have to defend some accusation that would limit me as a definition,  and realize that this in total is not what I am here. I exist on a physical planet, that is life in form, as this is how life would be, and I look here, in common sense, which is the principle of what is best for all, and realize that limitations cannot define me, so to let them go, and stand here. ALone. I mean, if I cannot create and interact with others in ways that allow communication and understanding in ways that are at ease, where there is security and trust, I am wanting another to be responsible for me, to accept my limited and as such unstable response, the asking for the state of being not equal to here. If I can’t be responsible for myself here with certainty, then how can another be responsible if they end up carrying my lack of responsibility? As the form of what we are here as humans, the only choice is to allow the full potential of each to stand as such, because this is how we each become responsible. And as this is a physical world, what is needed to be responsible, such as clean water, education, opportunity, shelter, food - solid food, the absence of such is us not looking at what we are in common sense. And if we are not existing in common sense then we become separated from that which allows us to simply be here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand when and as I go into mind, and begin to compare instead of look here at the common sense of physical reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from here, from a common sense of here, into and as a very limited system of values, where I warp into an idea of a good and a bad, a loss and a gain, begin to compare, and compete, in ways that are protection and defense, instead of looking at the measure of the actual physical world that enables me to exist as life, and remeasure what exists as the whole, remediate to balance out the extremes of lack, as starvation, poverty, environmental degradation, limited insight from a lack of education and opportunity for development, to see, realize and understand that the very measure of the physical world as what I use to look here, has to slow down and breath to return to a sense that is a constant in all things as life and consider all things, that are the same as myself , of the same substance of and as life, and realize in thought , word and deed what would allow all men to stand in understanding of the whole, and in self responsibility for the immediate physical environment, to become a #waveofaction that withstands the test of time and builds an earthly existence that is in balance, realized in actually living on this planet where no matter where one went, the basic needs of every person was met, and as such, an earth that is living its full potential.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that where I live and what I live in defines me, as myself as an American, where this is extremely limited, as there are those who live in extreme poverty, and have no moment to self discover in dignity themselves as life in full potential.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I  compare myself to another, it is for me to slow down, to stop and to breath, and to realize the pattern of limited beliefs in separation from common sense of physical life formation and look at what is here and how what decisions I make can only be made in ways that are best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand when and as I find myself going into imagination to rebuild instead of remaining here, equal and one to and as the physical world as this is the real formation of and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not equalize myself to and as the physical, to become a sound mind awareness of and as the actual real physical world that is me, as I am it, as this is the very formation of life, here.

When and as I find I am no longer breathing I slow myself down, I look to what imagination, held tight, fleeting, I accepted and allowed, and I bring myself here, equal and one with and as the physical.

When and as I find myself fearing to lose some self definition based on a limited value system, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see , realize and understand that I can only be here, face what is directly here, and as such, to answer to here, which is to be responsible to here, the limited values in and as my mind, built in separation from a consideration of all life are an extremely limited measure of here and I see realize and understand that as such I separate myself from my full potential in and as life, here.

When and as I find myself allowing an emotional/feeling self definition, I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand the thought as an aspect of reality in judgement based on what is an idea only about one thing being more than another, and I stop and I breath, and I balance this into common sense of practical physical reality, within and as what would be best for all, as what would allow the full potential of life to exist.

When and as I find myself comparing myself to an idea, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that values I believe will define me for better or worse as idea, and I attend to the emotions and feelings and the beliefs that define them, and I see realize and understand that such cannot withstand the test of time as what is best for all, as what allows the expression of life to exist as the very sound of life information, that works in ways that do no harm, as this is the way and the means as the measure of life here.

Day 353 The lesser self self commitment statements

I commit myself to seeing realizing and bringing back to myself the voices as ideas, opinions and beliefs of what I have accepted and allowed as energetic projections as a protection and self defense within a system of inequality as the construct of many men all participating within the same action as fearing to stand as self as life and to realize the ignorance as the beliefs, opinions and ideas I have used to justify the lesser self as me, in not acing myself here, to stop and to breath and to self forgive such separations to no longer allow this to give meaning to this idea that I aggrandize myself through and as when I manage to survive and gain acceptance, money, position, and/or burden myself with self judgement as believing myself to have lost something, to potentially end us living on the street or in my car, or without food, or on another level of this leveled scale in separation from life, believe myself to potentially have said or done something to cause the lowering of myself within and down on this social scale of being more than another or less than another, to no longer allow myself to move within such associations and relationships existent within and as me within and as a bubble that in itself - no matter in which degree I am developed- is in itself a total separation from life, thus as such I stop and I breath and I direct myself in thought word and deed within and as what is best for all, letting go of a fear of loss as one can walk in practical understanding of how this world functions and apply oneself to stand within and as what is here in common sense as what is best for all.
I commit myself to breath and to slow down and to align how I have separated myself into and as separation from life here, as this separation is heavy, is uncertain, is fear, is unstable , is illusive in that it needs as its nature in and as being in a belief in and as a state of energy as need, and as such seeks constant renewal and validation because it does not stand equal in and as life, here, thus the allowed presence of such cannot be resisted as what one resists persists as it is self accepted and allowed to be projected outward through division/separation from equality and oneness as what is constant which is life here, where there exists no need, want or desire, as what one is as life is what self is as thought word and deed, and as such in equal movement in and as life here, thus nothing can be lost.
I commit myself to slow myself down and breath when and as I experience within and as me any sense of righteousness , where I immediately move into judgement of blame and spite, projecting a sense of blame on a singular point in my exterior world to hide myself from facing my own fear and/or lack in having stood up as myself in totality in self honesty in self responsibility in and as life, here, because i was not taught, because I feared confrontation, because I feared leaving what was comfortable, because I did not know where to go, because I feared to look here because of all of the previous reasons, and to stop this, and to investigate here and how what is presently on earth works to see, realize and understand within myself and without as the manifested systemic design of the same action I was/am within, without, and to stop and to begin to walk what is best for all in detail within and as a practical applicative corrective action that manifests what is best for all as I see, realize and understand that something is not working until is works for all life on earth, absolutely.
I commit myself to breathing, to slowing myself down, to realizing thought words and deeds as belief, opinion and ideal, based on relationships inconsiderate of the whole, to stop and look to the whole as all of earth to realize practically what prevents abuse as the lack of opportunity in self development, physically and mentally has an outcome , as an undeveloped life in form with and as earth will find/seek whatever means available, to maintain itself as life, thus all behaviors of abuse on earth are the cause of a system that does not in fact support life, for which we are all responsible for we all accept and allow it, where turning a blind eye is no excuse, as we have accepted and allowed theaddictions of consumerism to occupy our existence instead of to be constant in consideration of self as life and as such of this home, earth, this that is the platform on which we exist as life.
I commit myself to realizing my projected lesser self is myself inferior, and thus in fear of life, in fear of myself as life, and here, to stop and to breath, to align myself with my physical body as breath, and to simply let the uncertainty as fear go, and in the process to see what beliefs, opinions and ideas, as ego, I have accepted and allowed and to align this within and as what is best for all, as principle, to support the principle being life, the value being life here, to no longer punish myself with my own constructed protective and divisive illusory self, the weight of which clouds my perceptive ability as myself as life and the being of which consumes myself as life as the physical, diminishing myself as life here as what I resist persists and compounds and enslaves until I stand equal and one in self responsibility to and as it bringing it back to myself and aligning this in common sense within and as the principle of what is best for all, as it is this action of blame and spite that is separation, and not the being of myself within and as what is best for all here, as I cannot control here - so to speak- I can only be the directive in and as life, which is to be in thought word and deed what is best for all as and within myself here, to and towards what I face here.

Day 113 Be Ur Den, the wellspring of belief

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge organizing this house as being difficult and too much work for a woman alone to be doing.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I had to move twice in Europe and both times, I did a lot of this myself as within this I felt that I was alone, all by myself and thus not being helped by anyone where I was full of self pity because I believed that someone should help me, and then I thought I was a good character because I was capable of doing this all by myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think I am a good character, a good wife because I had managed to organize a move all by myself without any help.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am the good strong independent woman because I am getting myself in order to move all by myself without any help.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this belief that I am good because I am moving all by myself without help, I am actually creating the opposite character of self pity within believing myself to be all alone, where there is the opposite belief that I am alone and having to do all of this all by myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this “good character “ as the independent woman, I am not here being practical with what is simply going on, that a house needs to be packed up, cleaned up, organized and then moved, and that is all, there need be no judgement as what I am within the process of moving.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the extent in which I am conditioned to believe that moving from a house should have the presence of a man to help with the move, where, yes this should shorten the process, yet in the end the same actions must be taken, and thus it makes no difference whether it is one alone or two, moving is still the same.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must fit some image to exist here, otherwise there is something “wrong” with me.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I am existing as a play of characters, as the devil and the angel on my shoulder, enacting both sides of the belief in and as my mind, as judgement, where I was not taught to self direct in common sense, but was told a story - filled/developed with images- as to what should be and what should not be as a picture, and not the practical application of myself here in and as this physical world and what it means to be here in common sense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow these competing characters to judge one another as who I am within the moment of allowing the mind to place a story based on limited and accepted relationships of what life should be, this “should” in itself a separation from life here, as the image and likeness of what a woman or a man should or should not be instead of what is physically actually, practically here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that in being a desire I am separate from what is physically, practically here in common sense, as a desire indicates that something is wanted and thus that something is missing, when in fact life is here, a physical world that has no stamp of ownership, and it is only the ideas, beliefs and opinions as criticism of what is lacking or needed or not doable that are the separations from what is here, creating a belief that something is desired, when were we to live in common sense in and as respect and consideration for what is, is physically here, able to provide for all life, as all that is here is life, then there would be no desires, no wants, no needs as all that is here would be interacting and expanding and sharing and learning how and what we are as the substance of life as what we are all one and equal to, thus would this world be an expression in and as awareness and expansion within this, self directed, self honest, giving as one would like to receive as this is the value, yet we have become characters incessantly polishing our images based on limited ideas, beliefs and opinions, propagated by our own fear of self honesty manifest as a system of inequality , held together by images as memories in abdication of life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I am allowing and accepting myself to judge myself based on values given to the image of what I am within a system of division, as a female.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as a desire in and as my mind to have someone to hold my hand and validate my actions.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I am creating a play out of characters based on beliefs and opinions in separation from physical actual life, causing self judgement, self pity, allowing myself to carry around a burden , the be-ur den of what was believed by the den, as mind, of my parents and those who are the well spring of what dictates I accept and allow in and as my mind here.

I commit myself to breathing here, without rushing and judging myself for what has been done, or not done, and how this is done, and instead simply walk what needs to be done, getting things done every day until it is done.

I commit myself to stopping the characters of the mind from weaving endless polarities of judgement based on an image as the divisions of men bordered in by belief, opinion and idea in separation from life here, from what is actually physically here in common sense.

I commit myself to breathing and enjoying what is here, as what is here is one and equal to me, and thus within this principle of oneness and equality I move as myself as life, communicating with what is here as being one and equal to me.

I commit myself to realizing that I can only practically walk what is right here in front of me, and that what is right here in front of me, as me, as this physical world communicates with me in common sense, it is only myself as mind that divides within borders of belief as knowledge and information.

I commit myself to realizing that many are walking in and as the outplay of the voices in their heads not realizing their own separations and thus are unable to see what is physically real here, and are caught up in feeding the act of polishing their characters within fear of survival in and as a belief in lack, in fear of facing what has been accepted and allowed my man, as this would mean stepping out of complacency, as what exists on this earth within competition, ownership, survival, profit instead of the principle of oneness and equality, communing with and as life, as what we are.

What is the mind?

The History of the Uni-verse

Are you crucifying yourself? Is it really hard to move when no one is looking?

Day 96 The care actor of the future, the past, and not here

Day 96

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing the future.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear losing the past.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have attached the past onto an object.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become supersticious of the future with and as my past.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to once again bite my fingernails as I am not here, but in fear and not wanting to move which means that I am not here, realizing myself as life in oneness in equality and allowing all manner of fears and wants and beliefs to carry me, as the mind, down a rabbit whole away from what is physically, practically here as life, this gift that is given to allow myself to live and be life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the illusions of the mind consume myself here and build imagery upon what is actually physically here, where I allow “here”: to become heavy, where I allow “here” seem difficult. Where here is the only place that is real.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to direct myself with what is here, and to allow myself to believe that the future is some unknown place of doom and failure, a place where some monster lurks with the intention of eating me up.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I cannot lose the past, as the past is already past, and not what is actually physically here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be attached to objects where I presently exist that I believe would be sad to lose.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that what exists here, where I am is more than another place of existence, where in fact, all of this earth should be a place where all life is being lived in dignity, where no matter whose shoes I wear and no matter what ground is beneath my feat, what exists is life being lived with and in dignity.

I forgive myself for believing that the past of youth and “innocence” is real and is something to carry as memorabilia.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that this memorabilia is a collection of memories to which I attribute a positive feeling as what I seek to placate a fear of facing the future, as the future I believe to be of uncertainty.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that change, if seen as change, is an acceptance of losing something, when change is simply change, where the landscape may change, but what is real, which is life, is what is here and within a “place of change.”

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that my fear, and my action of not wanting to give up my past is one and the same as myself stagnant within not wanting to move into the future, where the illusion is of losing the past, and thus not wanting to change, but the way to strengthen myself as life is to become one and equal to life here, and thus to not fear what is here, what is life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in holding onto an object that represents my past, I am so busy holding this object that I am consuming myself with a past, in and as sentiments of past experience, and thus I an cemented to my past, believing this cement is real when it is just pictures and has no real value as life, as it is images and not myself as life within the directive principle of oneness in equality, of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in living within the sentiments of my past, onto an object which I have projected – making an object of desire- I am avoiding and postponing the walking of myself into life, becoming life, realizing that all that is here is life, within which the illusion is that life does not exist somewhere else on this planet, and is just here where I have a past.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that I am making the future seem empty in bringing the past here as something that can be lost, when the past is not here and thus not something that is real.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that the only choice is to be absolutely here, one and equal to what is here, where the inner and the outer is here, as this is life, and not the images of my past, thus for myself to birth myself into and as life within this physical world, this gift of life, I cannot fear what is here, and I cannot walk through what is not here, thus fearing the future will create a sense of falling, as I am trying to see what is not here, and thus I will fall, as what is not here is not real.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that the tiredness I feel at this moment is myself resisting the realization that there is only here, equal and one with what is here, that in existing as fear of the future, I am within a stupidity loop pretending to what is non existent.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to burden myself here with the past and with the future, in separation with what I am able to exist with and as, myself as life here, as all there is is what is here, as I can only place one foot in front of another , here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that in common sense, if one foot is in the future and one foot is in the past, then I will lose my step and thus lose myself as I am not here, this that is here, this physical, here, is in this moment the only thing that is real.

I commit myself to realizing that all there is is what is here, in this moment, understanding how here works, how what is actually physically here works, where all emotions and feelings are not what is physically here.

I commit myself to realizing that self direction , self responsibility can only be with what is physically here, and thus any emotion and feeling is based on an idea, as a picture, is an add-on to support the image and likeness of what is taught/proposed/supporting a system of survival and profit to feed an illusion of more than and less than, and within this limiting the use of what is here, as this physical world in a way that supports all life, and within this creating a working, vibrant organism as life on earth, where life cannot and will not become and exist in absolute purpose of expression as life until every part of this organism that is life, that is the gift of life, that is each and every one of us, is in fact allowed to be life, and that until each part can stand as life working in tandem, life will not be lived and the eye of the needle will not be walked though until each and every one/thing/person/plant/animal/micro-organism – thus are the elite of this world as screwed as the poor unless a world of oneness in equality is lived/supported/dignified as life in fact, as is would make sense that to become life, all must become aware of this physical world and how this world functions, as no parent, no “god” would want their child to not have full understanding of life, as this is the gift. It is time to get this done. It is time for a system that supports all life. One man, one vote. Equal Money here.