Showing posts with label as within so without. Show all posts
Showing posts with label as within so without. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Day 640 A moment in mind consciousness ONLY! STOP!

Yesterday, I went into a sinking personification as a belief that I had failed, that getting through was impossible, and from there I realized, wait, it is a practical world where we create a within that is not equal to the without, an above that is not equal to the below. The below being the source of the projection that is not equal, as the physical world. I have looked at how this all works, as what a thought is, and how a thought when done again and again, through space and time, repeated, over and over, becomes a ghost in the machine, describing the machine, creating conflict with the real mechanism of and as the physical. The entity of belief, spiraling like a christmas tree light, unable to fit into the physical because it has not considered the physical, yet becoming the program of the physical in slowly diminishing the physical, and as information considered knowledge, becoming what directs, where the directions cause many mistakes in the world because it ignores what is here, and then blaming the missed things for being in the way. A backwards way of being! The information being what is accepted and allowed, spinning around in self justification because it is all that is what is informed. I mean, there is no information to enable one to slow down and watch the grass grow, and yet, this is who one really is under/behind/throughout/within before the information entity of limited focus/value/insight began to be one’s self definition. 
Thus, all emotions and feelings are a lie. The real state of being as life, must be that of a fluid ease, here, enjoined, with what is here, always moving as the solution of and as what is best for all. It is to be saturated with all that is here, where each movement is in focus, a focus that is all that one is. How satisfying would that be? lol, one could say it would be the ultimate ‘ drug’! One that would cause no harm!

Yesterday, I had to drive in a lot of traffic. As I slowed down to turn onto a side street, I noticed a biker just behind me, so I could not turn, I had to stop. At the same time, I noticed a large car behind me, right on my tail. I feared stopping suddenly, because of the car behind me was so close, and at the same time, I could not turn because of the person on the bike beside me, was moving pretty fast. So, I pulled slightly over to the side, leaving room for the biker to pass and the car behind me to swerve further out onto the road if need be. The biker, was uncertain, hit the brakes swerved around me on the other side, yelling and cursing at me, and the white car behind me, appeared to be less than an inch from my rear fender. I was not moving very fast, overall. Thankfully nothing more happened than being yelled at by the biker, whom I was being considerate of. 
I found myself becoming frustrated and angry, and very tense. I wanted to blame the car behind me, and I wanted to yell at the biker. In all, it was one of those situations where everything was tightly compressed,  and considering the objects in the space, seemed overwhelming. So, it was that energetic need within me, to immediately blame and spite, project stories onto the car behind me, the biker, catching the details of them in a moment and comparing them to a moral good, using the details of the objects in some quantum measure to belittle and make me feel better in a superior way, when overall, I was afraid, afraid of an accident, afraid of the consequences of an accident, and all the blame and spite that might , or might not, come towards me, should an accident happen. One huge  motion picture show of morality using cultural measures to protect and defend myself and all the while, I am in total separation from reality. 
As I turned onto the quiet road, I slowed down, saying to myself, no, going into this is not being here, does not solve problems, is not that which brings solution. STOP stop stop.
I had to realize that earlier in the day, I had had an expectation about something, and upon reflection, realized I had not been practical in space and time, within what is a process that must move in an ordinary way, to reach the solution that is the extra-ordinary. I can’t get to the extraordinary until I walk the practical. So, in the moment I continued to drive on the quieter street, I did forgiveness, and remembered the script of here, the practice of walking step by step, realizing  how this physical world functions right here before me, to ground myself in a stable practice of living where I could be calm, directive, finding solutions, realizing practical steps in a physical reality and reaching the ultimate reward, being at ease, enjoying simply being here, and instead of chasing an idea, I stop, slow down, cross reference the practice of realizing that what is best for all is right here in front of me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to a biker cursing me out for entering ostensible cutting in front of him.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to blame the car behind me for being right on my tail.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought “ I was considering you, you idiot”
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become unhinged, within myself, all the while realizing that moving into such judgement was not solving the problem.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that the source of my self accepted and created ire, was from earlier in the day, and as such probably a self accepted and allowed distraction from looking at what was behind me and beside me, in the busy traffic a few seconds earlier, being aware as in being consistent in noticing that the traffic was very busy and that this meant not only to notice this, and to also remain diligent because of it.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I was the cause of the upset around me, having become lost in my own story of expectation.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to rush an outcome, without walking the practical ordinary steps necessary to reach the extra ordinary outcome of the goal that I allowed myself to rush towards without considering the practical world around me, where there is enough space and time to move in careful ways.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not slow down and stop running as a story in and as my mind, to instead realize the practical details of living here, a real story that considers all things around me, in every moment, to walk step by step a real practice of living here, equal and one within and as what is best for all, as this is best for self.
When and as I find myself reacting, within and as me, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, I see realize and understand that i am moving into spite and blame, using a morality of limited values, to protect and defend myself  instead of realizing and as such respecting what is here as the physical, and to accept that which is myself as life, that reveals the way and the means, of becoming equal and one to life here.
When and as I find myself building within and as me, an ire, as a short tempered fuse, ready to burst at the slightest provocation - or so I believe- I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, I assess where and when I accepted an idea, belief or opinion, to define me, and where I became in fear of losing something, and as such expecting something, and I evaluate my accepted and habituated morality, to bring my own self interested judgements back down into the practice of living, as the journey of myself back to life, out of a mind consciousness system only, to realize with every breath, what is best for all, slowing way down, to move step by step into what is a real natural state of being, where I can, slow down enough to ‘ watch the grass grow’.
When and as I find myself rushing, and becoming impatient, I stop I breath, I slow myself down, and I assess where I have not investigated enough to ground myself here, into a self corrective application that can stand and direct my actions in ways that bring clarity and stability that is sustainable within and as what brings solutions that is the process of respecting the world around me as life as the physical.






Friday, February 20, 2015

Day 604 Despair and Space and Time, Self Forgiveness

Despair, I have been talking with my son about relationships and reactions when facing other people.
I gave him some perspective. I realized  later that the perspective I gave him I had not applied myself, or had applied recently and discovered something about being patient and gentle, within the understanding that being patient moved me through into a mutual understanding with another instead of a reaction leading to a mis-understanding.
Within being patient, I was not reacting, but standing the ground within what brought solution, which gave direction.What I found in this instance, specifically was that in repeating myself when talking with another, often lead to a point of understanding. Structurally, this patient repetition, a spaced repetition, through a storm of resistance, the argument of limitation as what one feared or believed that had no real stability, meant for me to remain within being gentle, humble and consistent in my words through this storm of reaction as belief that was in essence not clear, as it was based on some inner desire instead of what made sense in a physical world. Interesting that the physical world is always here, all ways here, bringing the practical movement, holding one gently if we only accepted it and allowed it because it shows the way of no harm, the way of creation, and all the parts that order in ways that are good.
I had spent time with another person, and it took time, with many moments where I felt uncertain, believing that my words were not getting through, as though I made an idol of my words, wanting instant and immediate understanding without realizing that reaching through automated self expression meant working one’s way through this to a point where this exhausted itself and an opening appeared where that point of vulnerability arrived and one stood there open because all had been said, because all had been exposed and either one resisted another or accepted them. but it is this point where within that vulnerability a connection can be made. For me, it was more like, “ yes I have listened, taken the good, and I am here, and I am not rejecting you, I am still here” Overall, this created a situation of calm, of acceptance, of a seemingly safe place to be where each could be themselves.
In the space and time measure, as the rhythm of things moving here, on this earth, conceptually the length and duration of these movements can be understood and timed within a practical application that considers these things, and yet if we have not learned to interact with all of this conceptually, like listening to an orchestral piece, we do not develop the means to direct ourselves here, and our memories are not of the practice of becoming aware of this space and time construct we live in.
The very use of time as a measure as our system, is what places a rigidity into our lives that separates us from practical reality, and yet the measure of space and the duration of the expression of what is here, is a measuring that self empowers each of us. So, the parts are not bad, but when used to separate as control into limitation of being aware, are such means a distraction from reality. And yet what started this? Was it each of us, because we chose to ignore one thing over another, not realizing what in essence what we were doing was comparing apples to oranges instead of seeing creation for what it is, an expression of which we were the same, and of which could change, so one form was us in another form, and that that other form could direct us into more understanding and discovery to the point where we could further play as creators of life information?
So, when I despair, I essentially have believed there was no way through, but here I have to ask myself to where I was going through to? I had to slow down and become equal in understanding with the moment, which means looking at reality and not the shadows of belief in and as my mind, from a system that propagated thinking over cross referencing practical reality, because being caught in thought only, was being in a metaphysical construction, a paranormal existence that forgot reality, and lost the movement of forgiving to the physical total state of being to cross reference what was for real and this being all of existence.
In despair I have lost a sense of space, and become the measure of my belief system, one that is extremely limited as mind. As mind is dependent on the physical, it has its own space to exist, and as such it lasts in bursts. As it has no real substance, and as it exists in the wobble of limitation, which is denial, and then moves into justification, it reaches a point of play out and then opens the silence, and thus the space to assess and realize separation. Structurally, if I stand as what is best for all, and repeat this, in the moment, if my words are clear, and I am open to change in subtle degree within that which is good and does no harm, that can remain. This need nothing other than being gentle and patient, because the strength of what can withstand the test of time , need only be gentle, much like the water on this earth is gentle. Even water can be gentle when frozen, all fluffed up as snow, and even steam can be gentle, washing around one warming the skin. lol.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to despair
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to use my own common sense as who I am as life to sense space and the imposition of time as a regimented system of control based on a belief stuck in comparison moving into competition because of a separation from creation as life information, as sound formation that just as water can change.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that an idea defines me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I cannot change.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to accept what is here in this moment, and to stand here in this moment accepting what is here, understanding it and enjoying it as life, as it reflects me to me, where I then can change in my understanding.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to criticize another in support of my own self interest as idea believing that something will be lost if an idea I have about myself changes.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that creation is always creating, and as such, changes, which means I am in constant change, and yet this is the way and the means into understanding creation here, accepting life information.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to be patient, without fear of change, as the physical does not change in an instant, but transforms, thus change is a process, one that moves in ways that I can understand and participate within and as myself as the very words I know, to commune with life as the physical, to participate in creation as what I am.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become patient and gentle and humble, in my interactions with the physical life around me, to slow down and equalize with this creation, to see directly the muse of creation, of which I am an equal substance of and as, and as such to not despair, but to join in the community of life as the physical here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush within the game of survival, as ideas, beliefs and opinions as mind, a metaphysical existence of self interest and self aggrandizement in separation from remaining equal and one in conceptual consideration and respect of all life, which is the physical.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow down and remain within and as my common sense, gentle and humble as what sense here is and does, to see realize and understand the measure of here as the physical and the mind in separation that cries limitation - that runs out of steam, that compares and within comparison fears a loss of self definition and competes to validate a self definition that is overall a separation from self as life and creation.
When and as I find myself reacting to limitation and self validation, within and without, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, to become patient and gentle, which is to fear no loss, to place myself within what holds me as the silence of eternity, to stand in cross reference of physical reality within and as what does no harm, and what self empowers another to understand the practical measuring of here is forgiving of and as common sense to see function and form which  gives answers when questioned to look at the parts and understand, taking the time to realize physical creation to then move in ways that do no harm.
When and as find myself moving into resistance as to what another says as idea, belief, and opinion, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand that nothing can define me but what I accept and allow, and that form can be understood, assessed, examined and considered and then directed in practical common sense ways as this is the capacity of myself as life here, as this is with all men, as physical being on earth, when given the space and time and support physically to do so as each is the very substance of and as life here.
When and as I find myself believing that all is lost, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I realize the nature of myself as life is like water, that the common sense of me as me, is gentle and can cross reference reality here and understand the space and form as the physical in creation and investigate with the innate ability of and as me to cross reference and take in information here, to self empower me to take that which is good and does no harm.
When and as I find myself moving into despair, I stop and I breathe and I forgive myself to practical reality, understanding that with spaced repetition I can stand in thought word and deed within and as what is best for all here.






Saturday, May 31, 2014

Day 551 The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle


The Desteni of Living

  1. Realising and living my utmost potential
  2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all
  3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa
  4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others
  5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others
  6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well
  7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others
  8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own
  9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me
  10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what is means to LIVE
  11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone
  12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today
  13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves
  14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one
  15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.
  16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come
  17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth
  18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.
  19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath
  20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me
  21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without
  22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all
  23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth


Thursday, February 6, 2014

Day 506 Reacting to words of blame: addressing limitations.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that the words of others define me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that words of others are my responsibility.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am responsible for the focus of another.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that the focus of another can determine what and who I am.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the words of another point out characteristics of what is here, and as the mind works, when the mind as a system of value judgements, speaks as an authority, it pushes away the bad through projecting the bad outward and bringing what it believes is of value to hold self in self interest, where self is believed to be the center of existence, the consequence of a system of competition within and as believing that each man is an island despite the obvious; that man is on a physical planet, the form and function of which all life on earth is dependent.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that the paranormal projections of the mind are real.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must react to the words of another as the voice of what it is as what I am here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel responsible for the words of another.
I forgive myself for not  allowing and accepting myself to see words as like a preliminary sketch of the physical world - so to speak- which means that they are not definitive unless I accept and allow them.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see words as a description of what is here, where this can be a good in that it draws attention to looking here, or can be used to protect and defend a “ make believe” reality, through citing values of more than and less than, as self aggrandizement and projected blame instead of solution to here in common sense, as in speaking that which does no harm and takes that which is good.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see words as sound, as an initial description, that can change with each moment, and as this the significance of words can then be taken and directed, or investigated, or transformed to become more concise, or suggestive, but that words, as such, cannot define me, and as such cannot burden me unless I accept and allow them to.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must accept the focus of reality that a series of words describe
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to protect myself from words.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that words paint a picture, so to speak, and that that “ picture” is just this, a paranormal image of reality, and as such are not reality, even though words can be a vehicle into becoming aware of reality.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow words to confuse me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear words.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that the blame projected onto me is real.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe in blame - to be the lie of being lame.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that blame in no matter what shape and form is not solution, and thus blame is an ignorance of the context of physical reality, a practical physical reality that is the expression of life as what the expression of life would be in all common sense, as this is form, a gift given to be and understand life, equal and one.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see blame as a burden to carry
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become definitive within blame, referencing knowledge and information based on past experience only without a balanced reference to practical physical reality within and as what directs oneness and equality in communication and respect for all life, as the gift of being equal and one in substance.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that blame is a limitation, as a end game, ignorant of practical physical, space time reality and as such can be addressed with practical common sense.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that righteousness is  self wanting validation which is an act of not addressing blame but rather reacting to it instead of addressing the limitation of and as blame into solution, which is to place self equal and one to and as the practical physical world, the expression of life, as life would be a form in order to express itself, here, and as such would operate in practical common sense.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that being righteous is a separation because it is an act of self validation instead of common sense as self can only give insight when in common sense of that which is the expression of life which is the physical form which operates in visible common sense ways as this is the way and the means of the expression of life.
I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding that being righteous is always/allways a separation from life, from the gift of and as life, as life is in support of itself an act/expression of absolute giving, thus life as expression is to give absolutely of self as life,anything else is separation.


When and as I find myself believing I have not been clear with my words as a reaction of accepting blame in/through protection and self defense, I stop and I breath and I bring myself here,  to become one and equal within the texture of the physical world.
When and as I find myself reacting in protection and self defense I stop and I breath, as this projection of righteousness, a self accepted entity of pushing away the blame as within this I have accepted and allowed myself to become infearior to life as I have taken the blame personally believing that i am responsible for the blame or will be labeled as the blame and as such an act of separation from the physical practical reality, and I see, realize and understand that blame as limitation and I direct myself within and as what is best for all, which is what is best for the physical world, even if this means taking the time to investigate a solution

When and as I find myself reacting within in protection and self defense, as moving into inferiority into righteousness as the mask of superiority, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down until I can remain within a modicum of ease within and as breath.

When and as I find the corners of my mouth sinking way way down, I stop and I breath, and for the moment, I practice placing myself in humble gentleness within and as breath, here.

When and as I find behaviors of others as criticism, as an emotional storm as what is present around me, directly, I stop and I breath, and at this point I allow this storm to crest and remain equal and one with and as breath, and practice walking the limitation as best I can into what directs the movement into and as grounding one practically equal and one with and as the information of sound as life in common sense of physical reality.

When and as I find a wave of righteousness welling up from my solar plexus, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that at this point I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another and not addressed limitation and separated myself from being a direct memory of life, which is being equal and one in common sense of practical physical reality.

When and as I find myself reacting, I stop and I breath, and I see, realize and understand my own expectations as myself believing in a gain that separated myself from common sense and lead into a protection and self defense as a fear of loss, and I stop and I breath, until I stabilize myself within and as breath, here, as the energy of reaction must be forgiven, and within this to realize that the entity as mind as judgement and the consequences of such must be forgiven, walked and as such cannot be the definition of myself unless I accept and allow it.

When and as I find a weight on my chest, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see , realize and understand that this is going to take some practice and time to unknot.

When and as I find myself weighing myself down in and as a belief of more than and less than, I stop and I breath, and I see, realize and understand that the ease and gentleness to stand within and as what is best for all, is always/allways right here in front of me, and as this I slow myself down and I breath and stabilize myself within and as what is best for all of which moves with ease here.


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Monday, December 16, 2013

Day 476 Accessing Knowledge and Information


I notice that I access data within and as me as belief, opinion and idea, as a protection and defense mechanism to try and remain standing here, within my survival environment, and within this I become very anxious. Like I use listing as knowledge and information to counteract, to control, to avoid, to destroy what I perceive as allowing this, to be what exists here.
Like I am in full combat, and my knowledge and information is my gear, a game of elimination, which is blame and spite. If I do not have enough knowledge and information I will lose.
Many times I have read something with the intent to remember it to use it to validate myself, and prove some point that if I had looked, I might have noticed the lack of substance that it had in totality, because such beliefs, opinions and ideas, were answering to a limited culture and not what existed here in totality.

Within this, the fear became bigger than realizing here, than my own common sense, hence the anxiety, because common sense has more substance than any belief system that demands a game of associations and relationship building that serves ideologies of right and wrong, more than and less than, ideas about how something should be, this in separation from an inclusion of the physical world that is right here, that is what sustains us, thus what is needed to be considered in all action, in all movement.
Someone once told me that to master something it must be done with gentleness, meaning that sensing something requires being relaxed in order to sense the thing, embrace without harm, the action the movement. I notice that my anxiety is of a state of racing, of believing there is something I want, or need, in order to find order, when the opposite is what is needed, a slowing down, an acceptance in order to see here. Breathing can aid in this, especially when the anxiety comes, because within this I am believing that if I do not have enough knowledge and information, I will fall. Living is not a race.  Living is being here understanding how the physical world functions, how it works. 
The mind accumulates what is placed before it leading to a conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind, that becomes a map of one’s perceptions, thus what goes in is what comes out, and if the within is not equal to the without, a conflict accumulates within and builds conflict without until what does not work is discarded, by then, one is older and life has gone by.  This mind is like a spiraling mechanism of  counter point, it uses polarities of good and bad, right and wrong, this causing chaos, slowing down direct seeing.  Our choice is to eat this mechanical superficial apple of good and evil or we can breath, and forgive ourselves back to what we all long for, which is our common sense, an embrace of life without conditions as beliefs. Associations of knowledge and information, like our varying layered committees of “ professionals” create an answerless society, and it is all of us that are this web, thus it is all of us that are the cause of starvation and abuse to life.  The conflict, a game of hiding and blame and spite is rejecting embracing what does no harm. This need not exist and is, by nature, destructive. And it is all held in place because of how money has been allowed to determine life.
From the beginning, understanding of physical reality leads to life, not the cognitive dissonance and misnomers of one thing being more than another, not the borders of division as the developed suits of men used to define through comparison only, the whole shebang  that which only looks at differences and not similarities, and then blaming the differences for the problems, when being different is not the problem, it is not realizing the starting point of sameness, and from here enjoying the differences.
I noticed a web site where jewelry was a image of a chemical construct, like how chemists show diagrams of certain chemicals. One can wear this way of mapping a chemical construct around ones neck as a symbol. And then, during this time, I was soaking my feet in something to get a mineral into my body, and I did this because I have rubbed garlic on my feet to see if, as I had read, I could then taste the garlic in my mouth, and it worked. So, somehow, in the way that I move, I realized that gee, if our feet can take in/sense garlic and absorb minerals then our feet must be these amazing sensing mechanisms, and we are not even using them! I mean, what if we learned to name the things our feet sensed through our other faculties, such as the taste of something in our mouths? What if we learned to understand the composition of something on the ground with our feet? It is possible, even though no one can do this at present. 
So, here I am this mind system of knowledge and information and I am spouting this and existing within a very very limited culture that is a very very limited hierarchy of control , which would be the choice of control on top of what is real as the physical, and would also within this, over time become more and more and more limited, impulsing more and more limited perceptions to blind and suppress what is innate within the human physical body, just because of a starting point of a few that their differences were somehow more than another’s and within this deciding as a belief that they/we had to control this?. This is just simply a cycle of insanity. There really are no other words for it. I mean we build machines that are of parts that function, without one part the whole simply does not work. Earth is a “ machine” and this is the value, a computer would not work if every part was at war, it would destroy itself. Which is what humans on earth are in essence doing. My associative game in my mind, as my mind, is my separation. I am ignoring my gift, my physical gifts of life, my apps, the application of myself as my physical body, with life, to be life.
Thus, and what a thought, our feet are like the greatest apps ever created and we are not using them. Instead we have externalized our capacity into technology. But, we have already done this with a belief in a god - a previous generation of referring to something other than our innate physical capacity of common sense. What all of us need to do, is accept ourselves as life, and begin to equalize, or walk ourselves back into what we are as physical beings that are the greatest “ app” available , in tandem with this “ phone” of earth, this “ fun” as the physical, to be and become our bearth-rite of passage to life.

Thus, when and as this anxiety comes up within and as me, with knowledge and information whirling around, I stop and I breath, and I look to the beliefs as the knowledge and information, and the ideas of need and want and I forgive such ideas, and bring myself here, until I am at ease, until I am humble, until I am willing the giving up of all opinion and idea as the values of my culture ( as not being the only solution because there is good within this ) , the beliefs as my past that I use to define me, the sequences of events that as my past that I use to substantiate me, and I stop and I breath, and I do not allow myself to become inferior or superior, as this is myself in protection and defense in the order of a hierarchy that is unequal to physical reality, and within this state of accepted and allowed inequality to the physical world, I become an energetic movement of anxiety as I am within judgement of relating through associations that are consequences lived out for generations from a starting point of separation from physical reality.

So, within this,
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear living.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from my human physical body, into a mind system that is a collection of ideas, opinions and beliefs that are a limited construct of what is real the physical reality, and as such an image and likeness that is not sustainable, and as such needs constant validation to keep the fires of itself burning, as this division via judgement of differences, is creating good and bad, instead of being equal to what does no harm and supports all life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that children are not born with personalities, and as such have no programs of culture, thus what it is that child becomes is impulsed into them, where an ability to have divergent thinking is lost as the programs accumulate and become the directives, creating a human being who is limited in what has gone within, and this within not being equal to common sense, causes the child to slow down and follow limitations instead of developing an awareness of physical reality in form and function.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I need my mind of ideas, beliefs and opinions, to direct me here, not seeing realizing and understanding and equalizing myself to the common sense that absorbed the knowledge and information of a culture of hierarchy that is in totality a separation from life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that facing the storm of separation as thoughts, opinions and ideas is a taboo, culturally.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the reactions of a entity voicing limitations as ideas, beliefs and opinions be it myself within or another without, and within this to not see, realize and understand that the storm of separation as limitation as what has been impulsed by a system of inequality, as hierarchy is and does, is disrupting a habit that is in total unacceptable, and must be faced for which I as life have as common sense here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear using common sense, to believe that common sense is somehow dirty, when from the mind’s perspective, common sense is destructive, but of the separation and limitation only, thus common sense is like a mechanism, a medicine for life, for this earth, for each cell, for each self, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being in common sense, to fear being humble, to fear being at ease, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear limitation, to believe that limitation can exist.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear separation, to believe that separation can exist.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that something can be lost.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that ease is like the warmth of the sun, nurturing and forgiving of what allows direct seeing, and thus self autonomy as life, here.