LOOKING at anger Day 771

LOOKING at anger.

Fear can be so blinding. one cannot see the forest through the trees. As one is so focused on the lack, as the fear, which is a loss of presence and what is natural as common sense. 

Fear is not being in solution. It is being in projection.

I cannot focus on the ‘ what if’s” or the ‘ worst case scenario, AND realize solutions as the fear an enlarge a possible outcome, especially if I am holding onto a fear of punishment from making a mistake.  If I focus on an idea that I am not enough, based on the shame of having accepted a fear of a loss, having also rushed to experience something based on an idea,  that is not of an awareness and cross reference of who and what I am, here, in this form, as this physical life,  I become angry at myself for my absence of presence in who and what I really am. My anger is always self hate, as finding solutions means looking here, and looking here is of and as a silence as I become like water and simply understand something, which has no resistance and no rejection and is reading what is here, this a process that starts from a point of nothingness, as all attention is on listening to what simply is. 

My dis-ease can only be a consequence of a lack of presence, that is an involvement in a focus on sorting something out and hiding that sorting of something out, based on a moment of comparison done in competition in an idea of a more. I say idea, because I am the same building blocks of creation as what is here, as the physical, that is all around me and me. 

Thus, anger is not enough of being in FORM of who and what I am, in respect, of here.  Look around, HERE IS PHYSICAL. 

It is time to become a tree of life, one that is capable of bearing fruit of sustainability. It is time to step out of a singular toxic onion of layers of value judgements composing a projected personality that has no real grounding in life because those layers create a head trip instead of a life trip. . Life is physical, it is right here. 

Working with my own emotional firewalls Day 753

I had an interaction with a family member where I noticed that I rushed in something I said. If I look, I realize an pattern that I have lived come forward. It is a color of rushing, and of trying to get on top of something said, to both push it away and fix it. What also happened is that what was being explained by my family member, the overall story did not come out in one moment, it came out in a series of moments. This is noted because in hearing the whole situation, the movements being described became more clear. I realized that in the environment where things separate from this story, were being done, so the interaction moved from one focus to another, as the sort was told during the completion of other tasks. 

One of the states of belief I move into, is to rush, like to talk in such a way to fix a problem as though I know, before I hear the whole story. Like there is a sense that i am supposed to fix something. If I do not I am not a good person. I am inadequate. Within this I can see where this idea can become a distraction, and I miss elements of things only to be embarrassed later that I did not slow down and listen to the whole story of information that is describing itself to itself, because this is what we do in so many ways, to substantiate a person who is basically resolving something. Here, I want to say, it is almost as though humans do resolve their issues themselves, walk through them, what is needed more often than not, is listening, being patient. After all, one of the ways we have become a consciousness of separation is because we did not take the time to look, to slow down, to self realize, to walk our past actions, to deconstruct and reconstruct to realize how we are caught in a situation that is out of synch with an easy flow and understanding that is non-disruptive of what is more natural as a state of being present. 

In realizing the patterns of separation, in the game of blame and spite, projections of values onto others for a perceived fault, which is a perceived imbalance, there are sequences, of reactions and actions, patterns, and these can be realized and within such, one can become more patient, and listen, even within myself, and play with seeing the forms. Somehow, I rush within this, and it leaves a sense of unfinished business, where I then blame myself, become ashamed, want to go back and fix something, go into self pity, a sense of impossibility, when right there, was a flow of description that could see itself and resolve an issue. In a way, one only need retell the story, and lend a mirror image of actions that pull the whole together to allow a reciprocity for the teller to see more the parts and the whole, to have insight into what they are revealing to themselves, because in a way, we all know what we are doing. 

In a way, the solution is to bring forward the pattern for self recognition, that pattern given, through listening, and to use the imagination to show the form, to lend self discovery. This is being agreeable, and working through a mis-understanding, to allow insight with self as another as I would want this for myself. And, to be consistent with this process, to become more agile in recognizing it. After all, I am here, so why the rush? Becoming a rush to define, creates an information bias, or a focal distraction, as ideas, beliefs and opinions. It is lacking  a faith in the command of who and what i am as a human being, that can take in, or listen, to hear the whole form, to recognize patterns and align them with presence. Here presence means not being reactive, not wanting a gain, or, wanting what one would want for one’s self. BY this I mean, an understanding that in meeting with another with insight , one has a steady groundedness in understanding that can stand in time, and be more compassionate without coloring compassion as a value judgement as a gain. After all, humans are less anxious and more productive when they are focused.

On a greater scale, the time to listen to others, is so missing from our society. This is apparent in the form of our schools, that are more listening only to one person, as are the platforms of the media. We rarely have the time to get what we see, to reflect on what we are seeing in the very form of our busy lives. And yet, we are taught to listen, but not reflect on what we listen to.  We do not look at what we have taken in, and relate it to the practical that is so missing in our lives. And, ironically, what our younger people are losing the capacity to do as they become adults. I mean, I have read complaints that younger generations have no interpersonal and practical skills. How can they if they spend their childhood years only watching and listening, and without follow through into application? In some ways, as a society, how can we blame them when the adults have allowed a system that does not lend the time to listen, to be patient, to resolve, to place what is being heard, and as such, formed, into practical applications in this living reality? 

And, within this, punishment of this, is not correction. Thus, punishment is pointless, it is only more blame and spite. it is only more of the problem. It is like the dis-ease has to become so big, to much an ‘ elephant in the room’ before we acknowledge this. It is like the chemical fixes as drugs placed in the market, that have not had careful studies done, and that start having side effects that grow and grow, are buried, are denied until they can no longer be denied, and the drug is taken off the market. These actions of not taking real care, of not really listening to what we are doing, are not of benefit for us. How many times are we going to allow this before we realize there is only one choice? That choice is to slow down and listen, to realize the form, see and check the consequences, make sure there is no harm, and then move into action. Such care, real care, real consideration would lead to greater presence and more faith in who and what we are as mankind.  Otherwise, we all become personalities living in juggling the lack, and wonder why we did not really live our lives when we reach the end. This is why, there is not other choice, but the choice to do no harm, to take that which is good, as that which brings clarity of practical purpose, and to realize the patterns within of separation and the focus of and as what grounds us here, to be present in this life, in the art of real  living. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the valley of value judgements.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not slow down and hear the whole story, to allow that story to come forward, in all it details, which means in this present existence, of busyness that sometimes the whole story takes time to unfold.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is some form of competition, and that I must prove something about who and what I am, when I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want a quick fix, not seeing realizing and understanding that when and as I speak, before I speak, especially after having walked so many patterns that I can ask myself if I have enough information, and even to ask more questions to bring what is informing and occupying another, and myself to get into all the corners of the story, to check and make sure a clear understanding is formed, to them begin to deconstruct and reconstruct into what lends presence , as greater presence brings greater insight, to the extent the gift given which is natural and who and what we are as humans,  is aligning into clarity, into practical actions that can move with no uncertainty, and a real groundedness that brings ease.

I forgive myself for, as  a reaction to my own default, for allowing and accepting myself to move into self pity, self blame and self hate.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to then move into a belief that things are impossible, when I am here wit what is constant as the presence of life. of creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not slow down, and to realize in every breath in every moment that I as who and what i am as life, can slow down, listen, be patient. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to focus on a belief that I am not enough, and that remembering being grounded here, is impossible, when I am possible as who and what I am in form and function as a living being, as a man, here. 

When and as I find myself moving into resistance, I stop, I breath, I slow down, and I see realize and understand resistance as a red flag, to realize whereIi am rushing, disrespecting who and what I am as life, as self blame, blame, comparison/competition,  self pity/ disempowerment,  giving up, self hate, and I stop, I breath, I ground myself here, to live the practice of presence and patience, to stand as what is real, as the practice of being present in who and what I am, to live the realization that there are no problems only solutions, and that who and what I am, is more natural.

When and as I find myself moving into a sense that things are impossible, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I become agile in living insight, leading to living solutions with consistency, to stand in living the joy of understanding and being in and with and as the presence of who and what I am, which is life, here.

When and as I find myself believing that something is impossible, I stop, I breath, I listen, I hear, I stand with presence in consideration of all things, breathing through anxiety, to hear what is in synch with life, as this physical world that is me, and that is all around me here.  

The absence of HOPE. Day 705

I have looked at what it means to no longer have any hope for a while. At some point I realized that the absence of hope is being calm in knowing something, meaning seeing the way forward. This also means seeing the way forward within a sense of self trust ; being able to address the unexpected. This is also a trust in a general ability to process information, or form and function, or a body of knowledge and information that is made larger than life, the proverbial elephant in the room, and not be reactive to or towards it. Instead to take the time to investigate and direct, remaining stable and grounded because this life is physical.


Therefor, there is no need for hope, that excitement, that desire, because completing things means walking the order, the ordinary into a completion of a goal, or what some may call the extra-ordinary. The extra-ordinary should be normal, instead it is defined as being something extra, which means that life is in reverse. Yet the words are telling of a sequence, meaning they reveal how things are accomplished.


Within this increasing awareness that hope is not needed, which cancels out no-hope, I am aware that every summer the way the bugs move and appear, the way certain plants are prolific one summer and somehow absent other summers, I realize that the very movement of the nature tells of a balance in the natural world around me. I would walk around this one small island in my town, and over the years, after having a belief that walking the same path was boring, that this could not be true, that i needed to look at the small in the world around me. What I started to notice was that every year was different. Then I started to ask myself what these differences meant. Then I asked how humans had come to be so out-of-the-sensibility of such perception.  I mean, how did we have almanacs before all our present scientific analysis? It has been proven that people's living a more agricultural life were able to foretell the coming year's weather. Somehow, somewhere, we have this capacity. Unless, we spend 13 years in a box mis-using our imagination into a limited and  consequentially, self destructive blueprint of information.  I mean why do we have an eastern religion that says to stop the mind and a western religion that says become the living word? Are these too ' belief's' the opposing sides of the same kind, and is this not an example of divide and conquer, through fragmenting information, and by this design, causing a separation from a natural ability to see directly this physical life?  Ask yourself what the meaning of humpty dumpty means, when he fell off the wall? lol, this in itself is a double meaning, suggesting that if we fall off the castle wall, we shatter- suggesting we must remain within the feudal system. A layer around a truth, as this is how the game is played.

Yet, HD, was sitting on a false construct, as that wall protecting the castle within a pyramid scheme. HD fell off the wall because he was no longer grounded! He had accepted the king's men and the king's horses instead of the physical. The consequence was being scatter brained, no longer able to process reality, and hence lacking in spatial ability, causing mistakes in his reality. It was a mis-use of imagination.  Hence, no one can put him back together again, no one, only he can. It is the same with each of us. The way, is in the practical, via the physical reality that is nature. And within this, the formation of the wall, that is the present system and hallowed ground as our mind consciousness systems of beliefs, opinions and ideas, so much of this indoctrinated information that consumes and shatters the life, as the presence within each of us. We accepted and allowed it. Yet we can change and forgive this separation and stand, equal and one on the ground and notice the ineffable and subtle changes that are in the natural world around us, that tell the real story of creation. Time to take down the wall. we can do it, together, after all, we built it together, so we can deconstruct it together and rebuild. We are the instruments of transformation, this is our real joy, we need only give up hope and hopelessness, because they are a consequence of no longer seeing this reality directly.

Thank you for reading.

The shadow of the mind Day 704

For some reason this morning a memory is coming up of an afternoon when my one son had returned home from school. I stood there listening to him when suddenly I said to him, ‘ your teacher is in you.’ I could see the color/nature/signature/presence/outline/measure/quality/persona of my son’s teacher in him, like a cloud, around him, as him. I knew his teacher I had spoken with her many times. This has to be second grade, as she was his second grade teacher. 

I also, realize this presence around me of writing in the morning. Because it is a family holiday, I have stopped my regular patterns, and for other reasons, hence, I am seeing my own ‘ clouds’ of habituated patterns stopping and the presence of them here.

Also, in my life, I have purposely changed up things I have done on a regular basis with the purpose of, initially, getting out of set ways of doing things. For example, for a while I had a small tv on my kitchen counter which I would use to watch the news while cooking dinner. I started to get caught up in watching a show that would come on, inevitably after the news, at the end of my nightly cooking and extend the time watching tv past the cooking. One day, I realized what I had done, and took the TV away. Maybe the solution was to turn the tv off after the news, yet, I had also been reading this periodical on politics etc. for about three years, and noticed that instead of being informed I was becoming righteous about what information I had accepted and allowed in the bias of the perspective of the periodical. Thus, I stopped reading that periodical and watching the news, and started to investigate other perspective. This was when I could the same articles posted on both sides, with a few words changed. How had I missed this?

In all, I find that changing what I have turned into a scheduled habit can show me where I have become stagnant, and where I am not aware of what I am doing.

Thus, this change in pattern of late, and this memory coming up, is a reminder of how absorbent I am as what I am as a human being.  It makes it more clear that I can really only be here, and that i must with every breath, bring myself here, to become a reflection, so to speak, of being here, and to realize that I can so easily become a colored bubble stagnant in belief, opinions and ideas. Reflecting what I have allowed, that becomes a persona, and reflecting the measure another person who becomes the same as what it is that I speak, can make communicating with another, and problem solving very difficult. And I can see where a perpetual broadcast system, known as our media, whose space is bought by a few, who have allowed us to believe that not only do we take out loans to build value as living, but also charge us with interest to utilize that loan, thereby siphoning all monetized labor ( my understanding and way of saying this at this point) into the hands of a few, who then broadcast a limited story ( the parts not all bad) again and again, in self interest,  to the point where the story ( measure ) is believed to be a truth, just as I did in getting caught up in a limited story that I began to be righteous about until I investigated more words produced by this same system only to find that the same forms were being processed with changing a few words, to keep a system of conflict in place as a distraction from realizing the Machiavellian means now a tech soap box called the media! Me Dia, my god, my structure of following a limited story that is all I can see and thus what must be real, and that I use to entertain me, like a business in a narrow focus, where i do not even want to know what it is that I do not know because it would mean that I have to step off of my hamster wheel, and I might hurt myself!   The idea of jumping off the running train of thought that I define myself as, means that I might bump my knee! And I am so busy running around in this persona within myself that I can no longer see what is real, as the physical right here, hidden by my own acceptances and allowances by that absorbent ability that can be used to sense a mode of operation and take that which is good and relate it to what I really am which is a physical absorbent state of being. Okay, that was a long sentence! lol

Interesting enough, what legend am I leaving behind for my children? What am I passing down to the next generation? I mean the bible says that the ‘ sins of the father’s stands for seven generations” That is a math, one that substantiates this sense that I have of breaking patterns and remembering a moment when I had a sense that my son’s teacher was ‘ in him’ as I could sense the color of her around him. I mean, how does an animal sense something out of place? How do they see what is not readily visible to our naked eyes? Is it not the same thing?

Can we not see that what we accept within can become like a blue print at the exclusion of what is real as the physical, AND that this can be used on the self interest of a few? And, that we are the same as those few if we do not realize this? Because in effect, we are doing the same thing?

This begs the question as to what you, yes you a parent or a person in this state of being, are leaving or imprinting to projecting onto others? Are you as a parent enough for any child, if you believe that you ‘ know’ what the real score is? You are not enough, not even I am enough, because I have not realized how all of this works, no one taught me. And who am I going to blame? Am i going to blame the dead of seven generations back? That would be like existing as Plato’s wall, taking to a bunch of shadows of belief on the wall of my mind, or like believing the emotional fire walls generated within me, that ‘ persona thing my sons was generating in second grade” as being more real that simply being here, physical, in this reality that held that projection. Take the physical away and the projection no longer exists. Yet is can resonantly exist and be passed down from generation to generation. Look around and see if this earth is living in a balanced and respectful manner towards efficient use of the physical. Obviously it is  not. 

What is the disease in our children, growing in numbers every day? Would we call them attention deficit dis-orders. Is the idea of a ghost in the machine really such a stretch of any imagination?  Are we bulling an incorrect use of the imagination onto reality, an imperfect practice? Look, we all realize we need to get back to nature, we all sense this so we know the answer. Yet there is a bully impulsing a false picture show that will continue if we accept and allow it. And it does not want to die! Just think of all the jobs that are based on supporting the lack, or the limitation of this projected picture show.  All these jobs that are really an administration of this false contract that races like a train and is so caught up in a narrow focus that is of shadows and painted by projected electrical and magnetic lights that what is real appears to not exist! There is a reason why within the word administrator there exists the sound admitted traitor! 

I also ask myself why I had not learned to ‘ read’ the ghost in the machine and define it, to take that which is good and does no harm. I mean if I can see it, and people in time have described such things as ‘ shadows on the wall’ then I cannot be alone in realizing this, everyone must have the means to do this, as this would be the means of life, to use imagination to test how things move, to asses and investigate before actually taking action and bringing something into creation, into physical form. And would this not make it obvious how much this could be used in self interest?

Is it not ironic how there is a fear of talking about ghosts in our cultures? And is it not ironic how we have even within this talked about how deceased friends, lover and family members have come to visit us? is it not obvious that that ghost in the machine is of one’s own making based on how the machine, as our physical absorbent ability works?  We are allowing a mumbo jumbo, paranormal, metaphysical existence generated from within ourselves to appear to be more real that what is real as the physical, and the signs of it are all around us; how this is used, and how we, each one, is serving this because in effect we fear to live, we fear to use this tool to create!

It really is time to stand up and speak of this point blank, to say this directly to one another, to tell stories of the outcomes of such shadow chasing, and to realize that none of us are enough to build a structural foundation in the children to come because we adults are the product of this same system. The children and ourselves ( with a lot of cross reference)  to must allow ourselves the means to realize the shadows passed down via imprint and sent as messages via a televised system, to enable each the means to be grounded and effective in seeing the ghosts and where they are at, and what is real, as the physical, at the same time. Just look at how a person can instantly memorize a sequence of moves to solve a rubric’s cube and then do the sequence blind folded! That is the means to the end, and a reflection of our capacity as life! 

Those who only see the limitation and lack, without realizing the potential in the machine of a human being, are so separated from potential that they cannot be trusted to guide anyone! In effect, it is not what we do it is who we are within what we do. The structures are not the problem, it is who we are within what we do. We cannot be afraid to point this out, to describe the means of lack and give direction in the necessity to always ground and reference physical reality.

An economic system that does not give each the means to take the necessary care of being physical, is a crime against life. For this reason, our economic system must change. And, parents must realize, that because of the consequence of this system, they are not enough for the development of their children, yet they are the one’s responsible for what character as development in processing what is within and what is without and what is here.

On another front, I have experienced grief. I realize that I was extremely vulnerable at that time. I did not realize how much I could become entrenched in the ‘ measures/ghosts’ of those around me, especially because I myself did not understand how this all works. I realize, with hind-sight that it took me the better part of five years to begin to see the difference between having lost everything and moving into a new form that in itself was another shadow on the wall system.  It is so easy to fall into something like this. The pressure from peers is very strong, especially within a system all around us that does not understand this. And yet, the principles behind this remain the same. And the means of sharing how this works and being careful in sorting this out, remain the same, as the structures that are here, that have proven efficacy within the test of time, are the means to the end. Here, what really matters is who we are within what we do. Many shadow chasers will not hear. And yet, in time, perhaps within a subsequent generation, this will begin to be realized, yet the acknowledgement of this must be continued to be expressed, again and again.  The shadows can run but they cannot hide because what is real is the physical. 

Day 700 the voice of the words ' no' and the word 'LOOK' within and as me.

Lately I feel like I am being crushed.  Yet is this being wound up in the mind?

Then I remembered that what goes on in my head, is not real. And that in this process, things can get more intense the smaller they appear to become. Sometimes it takes me by surprise.

No matter what is happening in my mind, as what I believe, has nothing to do with anyone or anything but myself. In reality, the being of myself here, in a physical world is simple in comparison, because the physical is always right here, right in front of me.

When I have to do something that involves the systems of men, I begin to get anxious. Every year, at tax time I get anxious. I get all wound up. This is also based on a belief, as I was not taught about taxes but in some very general way.  I have an idea of the ordering systems being some distant entity over which I have no control. In this I forget that these system are composed of men. I have to remind myself of the physical of the practical.  No man is an island, and no road to Rome was built by one man, though an entity on the hill would preach such a story, because it is such an illusion that maintains the hill.  To put these words into common sense, removing the parable that is what comes to be so believed it is crushing of the very spirit of life I can describe what really exists as a physical form around me. ( lol para bull ; like that para normal, but even more descriptive as it is the para BS.)

The one system I have gotten anxious about is doing my taxes, even though when I have had problems, I interacted with people and sorted them out. This has happened with many of the systems of men that I have had ideas about, seeing each member the same as another, having accepted the personalities of the role and not taking the time to notice the person within.

For me, I can remember experiencing this slow motion change in my teenage years. In some respects it is considered to be the maturation process. Yet is is not. It is instead the rejection of one’s self into an acceptance of a limited role, a persona to fit into a role. The memory is clear to me, I am sitting at a table with a bunch of my peers who had become models. I sat there and suddenly could see that something was being lost. The facades based on ideas of how one should be, within that role, were being projected in the words and manners of my peers, and what was of more ease, and more joie de vie, and something I called ‘ more unique’ was being lost.  If one looks, one can see the pairing of the seed in process and expression, and the idea that this is happening can cause a small voice to say ‘ no’  and within myself a voice that says ‘ LOOK” yet this voice of ‘ LOOK” is more in self interest, because I am saying this to myself to remember this very thing that I write here. It is something I am saying to myself, as though I am going to remember what I see happening, even if I have to keep it to myself.

lol, my parents used to get me a Santa Claus ornament every year, because they said I continually carried the ‘ light’ . Meaning, I never gave up, I would not stop believing that there was another way, that what we are doing does not make sense.

I remember waking up sometimes and as I lay in bed I had this presence around that  felt like it was crushing me. It happened so many times, that when it came I dreaded it. It took me years to get sick of it happening, to the point where one day it just said, fuck this I am going in. And there was nothing there, it was all smoke and mirrors. And it was me who was allowing it. It was not real. Shortly thereafter, I found destini .

My ‘ no’ was my awareness of something being ‘ messed up’ and my ‘ LOOK’ was my own protection and defense to remember, to hold onto remembering on some level that at times appeared to be impossible to hold onto. And then within myself I would wist and turn just to remember.  In this I would get all wound up. Like I was at war with this presence of this weight that I  sense.

Around the same time that I found destine, I began to notice that people talked at me. Meaning that they repeated things, and I was supposed to accept that value, when that value did not explain things in any way, It was just a value. This was when I decided to investigate psychology, yet within my investigations I only found endless description using many different words, the measure of clarity was minuscule.  It was the same way in the education system, endless words, stories of good practices, using personal anecdotal experiences that were about one child, and not about a group. There were these huge books I had to read filled with this. This was another situation where I started to get wound up and squirm within myself. It was that I had not voted this out, and/or feared speaking up about the simple.

Even when I got my degree in education I had problems. I asked too many questions that could not be answered, and eventually the staff reacted and called me to be grilled in front of a panel. On some level I understood that I needed to only regurgitate the information. My grades were all top of the line, so that was not a problem. I just told them what they wanted to hear. They visibly relaxed. Later, I asked the questions again and the response was more honest , it was “ We don’t know how to do that.’  I was so stunned, I went mute. 

I must become practical. I can realize that the system has become a storm of such reactions, and to stand and to bring in solutions, is going to mean standing within what are people, not remembering themselves, and yet they are right here. I am right here. I can, as I have done with my taxes, stand and sort out, no matter what because I am always right here, and what information comes up is a consequence of myself not standing grounded here in respect of the physical. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear information.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create an information within and as me, as words and ideas, beliefs and opinions to protect myself within and as remembering that something makes no sense in this world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to say within myself ‘ no’ in relation to what exists, which is a form of standing as rejection in self protection and defense, and also acknowledging that which was noticed yet believed by me to stand outside of, not addressing this and instead noting it, in self interest and a belief that it was impossible to address.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that within all of this, I watched how this was created, how the separation into and as a mind consciousness in separation from practical reality was built, at times seeing the patterns and speaking up about them, where it appeared I had some intuitive ability to understand things and therefor was insightful at times, which is really very limited thinking.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a positive charge on the word ‘ intuitive’ as though it made me special.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to forget that what is here is composed of men, as it is men who hold this together, thus to imagine the systems, like the IRS as being some huge entity with no name, is an illusion.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to get all wound up within and as ideas that the system and the mind is this huge amorphous entity that has no name, and is something that I must remember myself within, as this is not addressing a past that watched this being formed, and realizing that it is composed on nothing of real substance here.

When and as I find myself becoming anxious, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I remember that I am here, on a physical planet where practical actions create life.

When and as I find myself moving into a very quiet place within and as myself  as that ‘no’ I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I remember myself to the physical world, a world with systems that are composed of men.

When and as I find myself rushing to ‘ LOOK” I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand that I can look here, ground myself here, that the values, as the charged emotions are my own accepted and allowed reactions to un ungrounded information , a separation from reality as the physical.

When and as I find myself believing that I am not enough to sort through such separations I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand that inherent potential within as that insight within another that is the same as me, grounding ideas, beliefs and opinions as information into the practical, here as the practical real world is always right here, and the misinformation reveals its separation in limited thinking that misses what is in plain sight here.

When and as I find myself fearing to point out the practical and tell stories of my own separations, to become intimate with personalities and the practical, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I allow myself to come here, to be here.

When and as I find myself believing that there is some huge entity out there that has no name, I stop and  breath, and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand that I am life, and thus I can practice life, and thus I move in a practice that grounds myself here, and considers all things, as much as I am able,  to ground myself into who and what I am as a physical expression that is the practice of life, here.

When and as I find myself getting all wound up in anxiousness,  I stop and I breath, and I see, realize and understand that friction and conflict I accept and allow within and as me, as  noticing something is losing itself, where I focus only on the limited in fear of addressing it openly, and become quiet in self protection and defense, to look and avoid, overall myself rejecting the practical to which I can respond as I am here, present, noticing the separation, thus can I stand in the storm and remain present here.

When and as I notice a tension of reaction as anger, which is fear, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and  see, realize and understand that I can assess and investigate measure as what and who I am as a physical being, as I am a physical form that is like the most perfect calculator, and thus, I can go easy on myself as take the time to untime me here, to remain present in awareness of the physical, as it is always right here. 

Day 662 Moving from mind consciousness to presence here, forgiving the stim of limitation.

I was out walking this morning, when I could see how I funneled myself into ideas, beliefs and opinions. Like I take the very focus of and as me  and force it into a measure, like a construct of values within a creation as an image.

There is this memory of a fear of not fitting in, not reaching others, not getting through, not having interaction.  A sense that I am not seen, as a reaction to reaching the people in my world.

As a child, considering the existent mind consciousness, did I have to catch up to the train of the mind, and focus my beingness equal and one to the measure as the means of communication with the adults around me?  Did I have to enter the storm of the mind to reach through the focus of another? Probably. Did this ‘ hurt’ in a way, or did I allow it to ‘ hurt’ me in a way” Did I see this as a bully on my presence? And yet, did I see this as a means to an end, where I as a child started to read a lot?

Did I become fearful in my attempts to match the measure of belief that motivated the actions of the adults in my world? Did I get caught up in the fragmented mind/value/system forgetting the original goal? Did the information I allowed become an excitement in a desire to reach a goal that was in itself limited and forgetful of considering all things to realize what was of equal value to life as the physical around me? Did I also enjoy the process of creation that is inherent even when a limited form/construct is the outcome?

Am I so used to following knowledge and information that to move from this to the information of life as the physical means abandoning the measure of information I have accepted and allowed to direct me? Am I so used to what is 1% of my capacity that leaving that limited awareness, a comfort zone, appears to be a loss, and the fear of standing outside this socially means causing friction to and towards a collective limitation? If I focus only on the lack, where do I end up? I cannot blame or spite the lack, that leads to further fragmentation. Hence I can only focus myself here, accepting the life that is around me as the physical.

I have the space and the time here, to investigate and understand the physical world around me, where there is no place to fall, as falling will only move into the nothing that is the everything, the darkness that is the light, the very substance of creation, always here, the most gentle of all things, the most forgiving of all things, the potential of all things, right here, thus I can forgive myself for all things as this is the expression of creation. I need not fear any bully of information, as change involves by nature transformation which is forgiving, as forgiving is returning to nothing that is everything. I am here. 

Thus in every breath, I forgive myself to here, to assessing what is here, realizing it cannot define me in the next moment, and as this there need be no despair, no fear of loss as the nature of creation is change, fluid, constant. I can focus here, let go the mind only consciousness, as accepted and allowed information, taking that which is good and does no harm, to return myself in every breath to that which is gentle, present, nothing and everything.

I slow myself down to realize my own measure of stimming myself into a limited expression. tensing myself, forcing myself , bullying myself into an inner mind consciousness in separation from respect of all things, taking that which is good and does not harm. I am here. I am life. I choose equality and oneness with and as life, as this is what I am here.

Day 650 Drowning in limited knowledge and information. What is being polite?

Politeness

Within resistance, I realize that I have ideas/beliefs/opinions that I have allowed to be more than being here, in common sense of practical living. Within the word politeness, I cater to the beliefs/opinions and ideas of another, which is really protecting my own beliefs/opinions.ideas. None of this self definition based on not having been practical in a physical world, using what a feral child uses to learn to smell like a wolf- focusing the physical body into sensing here- can create a presence as that sensory/reflective ability to see directly here as the physical world.  That self definition is a secondary, metaphysical construction composed of the division of reality into a  energetic entity that is a separation into a limitation as what is real, as being the act of being present within the real physical world around us. The actual physical world is what works to support life, to express life. For example, nature has no borders, it is symbiotic, its waters flow everywhere ( unless an idea that disrespect this, cuts down a forest without spatial awareness of the consequences of such an act, and in so doing washes away all the organic matter that holds the water- or allows the water to circulate above the sedimentary rocks etc.) Such an act reflects the separation into limited respect of physical existence. It is a hued man chasing a metaphysical ideological construct which has been said is the making false idols. False idols are demonic, because they impose that limitation which in the end , as the word suggests, de-mans self as a physical expression of life. Then the physical, as that forest, is torn apart and scattered, like the fairy tales tell us, we become fractionalized into spread out parts, like Humpty Dumpty- where no systemic men can put you back together again, as only you as that substance can refocus yourself here, back into what is real, which is the physical- no metaphysical construction necessary.

If we look at our monetary system is it the image and likeness of what we are doing to ourselves within.  A false god that has no regard for life and the capacity of that life to create is lost. What is  lost is the choice of life as the action and directive of what does no harm, taking that which is good.

Thus politeness is answering to the metaphysical construct and not being practical here. And, because this has been allowed and practiced it is like a entity running as the a mind consciousness that consumes the flesh, tearing it apart, where in death, the body begins to shut down, twitching and suddenly shaking as the information releases and plays out, the presence buried in delusions of the past, as one’s self definitions has nothing else to consume. Meanwhile, what is left gasps for air, fearing to lose that self definition, where there is no longer any physical left to maintain the vessel of life as the physical body. The body itself, tied in knots as the consequence of constant suppression,  as the effort to maintain that ideological self has lost all ease of movement, fighting to maintain this idea self.

It begins on day one, because the adults model this, and the child absorbs this measure, this measure of sub-traction from being life. The schools perpetuate this, forcing the limited story of the victors that are also this, yet just happen to be on the systemic gain side of this fractionalizing system that has the same outcome no matter where one happens to be in this life within where one is placed at birth/ as their berth on earth.

Thus, ego is the expression of a limited story, using the parts of a picture, which can then be brought back down to practical living. One must really slow way down, and realize the spin of the meta-physical construction within, and with every breath as a marker, cross reference the real , actual physical world. 

One can respect the metaphysical part for a moment, and draw it back down to the ordinary, giving the ease to move here, equal and one with and as the physical world that is life in expression which is creation.

So what is real politeness?  It is to see the justifications as the polarity that is the nature of justifying a limited self definition as what a metaphysical mind construction would be, and realize that that ideological mind consciousness is rejecting qualities of reality in fear of loss of that construction. And, it is to realize that we all are this, the marker of which is a loss of being in common sense of what is physically happening to every part of this world, and, also, not seeing, realizing and understanding the nature of the accepted and allowed systemic design that creates consequences that are not what is best for all. Overall, to realize that one cannot place a child/tiger in a box, and expect that child/tiger to reach its full potential. And it is not that placing a child in a classroom to listen to information is bad, it is that placing a child in a classroom for six hours a day, is like placing that child underwater, too much of anything can cause one to drown- so to speak. This is what is meant by a false positive. Any adult can realize that being in the real practice of physical living, teaches awareness more than any sound picture as words written by the victors of this system of self interest for a few when the experiences are not enough to realize the sound formations, and even here, to realize that the physical must always be cross referenced- a scaffold only a means to build in a moment or to communicate a sound multidimensional structure that in itself, cannot be made more than the actual physical. Our system is moving in the opposite way, against life, it cannot work and it is not working. It is time to take that which is good and transform our system, and to bring what we believe is heaven, as mind consciousness, back down to earth, to stand as the real creators we were meant to be, to begin to realize, as live, the full potential of our physical bodies.

I have to, in every moment, slow way down and breath, realize where I resist, as this is where I do not consider reality as the physical, to ground myself here, equal and one to and with the physical world. As this is myself as life, here, being forgiving with and to life as what I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a mind consciousness, disrespecting the life that is me around me as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that I can, in every moment, with every breath, slow way down and cross reference the actual real physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become inferior to life, and within such an emotion, to not within breath, to cross reference where I fear to lose some ideological construct that I have accepted and allowed to define me, and as such made into a superior entity as belief, opinion and idea,  a metaphysical smoke and mirrors show that is like a de-manning of my presence to see directly here, to allow myself to respect life, and as such become equal and one to and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the depression of knowledge and information, as though it can suppress the presence of myself as life, as within and as me as who I am as life, is able to move through the storm of emotions and feelings, and ground myself in common sense in and as the small measure that is in front of me in the moment, as the physical world is composed of small steps, working in symbiotic ways which is the way and the means to ground myself here, and take that which is good and does no harm, as this is the message of equality and oneness with and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the ‘ big brother ‘ of a mind consciousness composed of limited knowledge and information, false positives and rejection of qualities that are the real measure of life, as the means to live as myself in full potential of being presence here, being the directive capacity of myself here, building self trust, self responsibility equal and one with what supports life, as what is real, is that which takes that which is good and does no harm, considering all things.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I am my own self punishment when and as I accept only the polarity of belief as mind consciousness in separation from practical living/life as is the nature of life in expression as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become angry of my own separation, that i have accepted and allowed and to fear the consequences of such a separation, where the solution is to walk myself back into what is always right here in front of me, as the practice of respecting the physical world, as moving in small steps to reach equality and oneness with the physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that constant struggle, fighting, is a resistance that has no rest as the quality of its signature, and to let this go, forgive, and follow through as in grounding myself here, realizing resistances as a gift to align myself equal and one to myself as life, to stand as the living word of equality and oneness where my false positive heaven, is brought down to earth, to become the creator I was meant to be, here.

When and as I find myself becoming confused, I stop I breath, I slow myself down, I take the part as in listening to here, as the separations and the actual practice of what respects and accepts the physical world, to see, realize and understand that which is good and does no harm, to live equality and oneness to and as life here.

When and as I find myself becoming tense, as in my shoulders moving into defense, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I see realize and understand, through listening, where I am within a mind consciousness of limited knowledge and information and I stop, I cross reference the practical physical world, to allow myself to build a self directive capacity that gives myself the ease, as that comes with self trust within and as myself respecting life, the physical that is all around me.

When and as find myself becoming heavy within and as my solar plexus area I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I bring this de-man into my heart, to self correct , forgiving spite and blame projections as self pity and fear of loss, to realize the practical steps that ground myself here, equal and one, to enjoy the full potential of life as the physical.

When and a s I find myself moving into projections of spite and blame, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I self correct into what would practice what is constructive in communicating the small measures necessary to communicate with ease, what grounds my presence as myself as life, here.

When and as I find myself in fear of loss, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I self correct through forgiving any spite and blame, into and as what is the small step as myself here, in the practice of respecting physical life that is me, here.

This, the solution to being polite is pulling on the strings of separation, and bringing the ego back into the small as the ordinary that grounds into the gentle and humble ease of being focused here, equal and one, building self trust in self honesty with and as the life that is me being present here, in respect of life, to which I commit myself to stand as equality and oneness with the physical, here.

Day 640 A moment in mind consciousness ONLY! STOP!

Yesterday, I went into a sinking personification as a belief that I had failed, that getting through was impossible, and from there I realized, wait, it is a practical world where we create a within that is not equal to the without, an above that is not equal to the below. The below being the source of the projection that is not equal, as the physical world. I have looked at how this all works, as what a thought is, and how a thought when done again and again, through space and time, repeated, over and over, becomes a ghost in the machine, describing the machine, creating conflict with the real mechanism of and as the physical. The entity of belief, spiraling like a christmas tree light, unable to fit into the physical because it has not considered the physical, yet becoming the program of the physical in slowly diminishing the physical, and as information considered knowledge, becoming what directs, where the directions cause many mistakes in the world because it ignores what is here, and then blaming the missed things for being in the way. A backwards way of being! The information being what is accepted and allowed, spinning around in self justification because it is all that is what is informed. I mean, there is no information to enable one to slow down and watch the grass grow, and yet, this is who one really is under/behind/throughout/within before the information entity of limited focus/value/insight began to be one’s self definition. 

Thus, all emotions and feelings are a lie. The real state of being as life, must be that of a fluid ease, here, enjoined, with what is here, always moving as the solution of and as what is best for all. It is to be saturated with all that is here, where each movement is in focus, a focus that is all that one is. How satisfying would that be? lol, one could say it would be the ultimate ‘ drug’! One that would cause no harm!

Yesterday, I had to drive in a lot of traffic. As I slowed down to turn onto a side street, I noticed a biker just behind me, so I could not turn, I had to stop. At the same time, I noticed a large car behind me, right on my tail. I feared stopping suddenly, because of the car behind me was so close, and at the same time, I could not turn because of the person on the bike beside me, was moving pretty fast. So, I pulled slightly over to the side, leaving room for the biker to pass and the car behind me to swerve further out onto the road if need be. The biker, was uncertain, hit the brakes swerved around me on the other side, yelling and cursing at me, and the white car behind me, appeared to be less than an inch from my rear fender. I was not moving very fast, overall. Thankfully nothing more happened than being yelled at by the biker, whom I was being considerate of. 

I found myself becoming frustrated and angry, and very tense. I wanted to blame the car behind me, and I wanted to yell at the biker. In all, it was one of those situations where everything was tightly compressed,  and considering the objects in the space, seemed overwhelming. So, it was that energetic need within me, to immediately blame and spite, project stories onto the car behind me, the biker, catching the details of them in a moment and comparing them to a moral good, using the details of the objects in some quantum measure to belittle and make me feel better in a superior way, when overall, I was afraid, afraid of an accident, afraid of the consequences of an accident, and all the blame and spite that might , or might not, come towards me, should an accident happen. One huge  motion picture show of morality using cultural measures to protect and defend myself and all the while, I am in total separation from reality. 

As I turned onto the quiet road, I slowed down, saying to myself, no, going into this is not being here, does not solve problems, is not that which brings solution. STOP stop stop.

I had to realize that earlier in the day, I had had an expectation about something, and upon reflection, realized I had not been practical in space and time, within what is a process that must move in an ordinary way, to reach the solution that is the extra-ordinary. I can’t get to the extraordinary until I walk the practical. So, in the moment I continued to drive on the quieter street, I did forgiveness, and remembered the script of here, the practice of walking step by step, realizing  how this physical world functions right here before me, to ground myself in a stable practice of living where I could be calm, directive, finding solutions, realizing practical steps in a physical reality and reaching the ultimate reward, being at ease, enjoying simply being here, and instead of chasing an idea, I stop, slow down, cross reference the practice of realizing that what is best for all is right here in front of me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to a biker cursing me out for entering ostensible cutting in front of him.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to blame the car behind me for being right on my tail.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought “ I was considering you, you idiot”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become unhinged, within myself, all the while realizing that moving into such judgement was not solving the problem.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that the source of my self accepted and created ire, was from earlier in the day, and as such probably a self accepted and allowed distraction from looking at what was behind me and beside me, in the busy traffic a few seconds earlier, being aware as in being consistent in noticing that the traffic was very busy and that this meant not only to notice this, and to also remain diligent because of it.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I was the cause of the upset around me, having become lost in my own story of expectation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to rush an outcome, without walking the practical ordinary steps necessary to reach the extra ordinary outcome of the goal that I allowed myself to rush towards without considering the practical world around me, where there is enough space and time to move in careful ways.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not slow down and stop running as a story in and as my mind, to instead realize the practical details of living here, a real story that considers all things around me, in every moment, to walk step by step a real practice of living here, equal and one within and as what is best for all, as this is best for self.

When and as I find myself reacting, within and as me, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, I see realize and understand that i am moving into spite and blame, using a morality of limited values, to protect and defend myself  instead of realizing and as such respecting what is here as the physical, and to accept that which is myself as life, that reveals the way and the means, of becoming equal and one to life here.

When and as I find myself building within and as me, an ire, as a short tempered fuse, ready to burst at the slightest provocation - or so I believe- I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, I assess where and when I accepted an idea, belief or opinion, to define me, and where I became in fear of losing something, and as such expecting something, and I evaluate my accepted and habituated morality, to bring my own self interested judgements back down into the practice of living, as the journey of myself back to life, out of a mind consciousness system only, to realize with every breath, what is best for all, slowing way down, to move step by step into what is a real natural state of being, where I can, slow down enough to ‘ watch the grass grow’.

When and as I find myself rushing, and becoming impatient, I stop I breath, I slow myself down, and I assess where I have not investigated enough to ground myself here, into a self corrective application that can stand and direct my actions in ways that bring clarity and stability that is sustainable within and as what brings solutions that is the process of respecting the world around me as life as the physical.

Day 630 Looking at Authority as the Politeness of Society

Looking at Authority.

As I move around in society, I realize so much is expressed through emotional values, like a really long duration of touting good, and/or bad. The impetus of value touting. The whole construct of ‘ politeness’ when talking with others, a good, taking up space and time overall. It is cool to acknowledge things we experience as pleasant, and to speak up about new ‘ measures ‘ of reality we have not encountered. Like, seeing a combination of colors in an outfit, finding it pleasant and making a comment about it, sharing in our joy of discovery.

Yet, this same state of being, as expressing a emotion and/or feeling about something, can be used to hide, to occupy, to evade, to distract as in quibble about one detail turned into a segue to avoid really looking at the whole and the parts. One way I see this, is how I have used this myself, to avoid looking at something, turning a conversation away from really looking  ( rejection), because I was inferior to what was of real value, not wanting to be responsible for understanding something because I feared an idea as to how I would be defined, and the consequences of my imagined label/story/outcome. So, it is like I feared to look, and then I practiced this non-looking, and had to continue to hide my own accepted lack of response ability. And, because I learn through spaced repetition, and program myself as such - as in how one learns to play an instrument, I became that movement, as that measure! And simply because I feared being labeled as an idea only! Then, that mis-take, as in not looking, as in fearing what was real, of facing this same action in another because it is supposedly not-polite to go into detail, to clear understanding, as this is a counter movement overall of that same politeness touting as a huge out of proportion social value, I am going to have to practice being straight and spend time correcting this, as correcting a mis-take that has been practiced, takes longer to learn that having learned something correctly in the first place! 

So, not being responsible, and hiding a fear, which is not having enough information to be clear, can accumulate as a behavior, and will take more time to correct than if one had been honest from the beginning! 

One could say that one loses one’s authority, because one becomes insecure because the value touting, has no real responsibility in practical application, it is only pointing out qualities, like being a state of critical thinking only, and endlessly so, never moving into creative rebuilding, or creative possibility, realizing the value, the quality and living it. Thus, the values, within society become smaller and smaller, because so much time is spent on values of what one is only, as in points of definition, in comparison, never moving back into the real value being in expression, in form, as life, as physical reality, here. Of course, such a system would become smaller and smaller in what values were considered a ‘ value’ because the practice is only on a singular value in a moment, thereby losing a sense of all the values that compose this world around us. A lack of practice into the whole and the parts, means a lack of building perception of the whole and the parts. We become what we practice, if we practice, as repeat, limited insights, then we limited our perception. And when we limit our perception, we become insecure, because we are not equal in understanding to the whole. And then, that insecurity feeds on itself, because we are secure when we are grounded in the whole and the parts, and insecure when we are not, we are secure when we reference what is real, and insecure when we are a reference of ONLY limited parts. Thus hiding reality as this physical state of being, meaning to not consider all values as qualities of physical living, leads to more and more insecurity, and as a behavior, a society that has a social etiquette of touting values about little things endlessly, over all-ways bringing back what is noted, as brought forward in communication into the whole, into what is practical, as in what supports each and builds a security in living a life of full potential. Thus in every act each of us lives, we decide to choose life, a full life, or to choose that limitation, a value that is a value, but when used as a screen to hide, to manipulate, we end up only creating insecurity, and very limited comfort zones- these we can realize in how we remain within very limited social circles, which is fearing to let go of our limited values that we have allowed to define us, and instead becoming a behavior of protection of those values, seen in the borders of class, culture, nationality,  etc.. So, we become protectors of limitation, rejecting anything that does not fit into our practiced idea. Thus, the very words we speak, will always, in all ways, reveal the very accepted and allowed measure of and as us, because it is what we have practiced.
Overall, when I face this, I find I sometimes have a hard time moving against this ‘ storm’ of value touting in limitation without moving into what the value leads to as a consequence on a physical world overall, because what I do effects the whole. It is like I go into this grey area, having to move against what is considered polite, as this elongation of touting a value, which turns a value into a protection screen, which is no longer a real value. I have allowed myself to be so conditioned as this, meaning being excessively polite ( because there is nothing ‘ wrong’ with acknowledging what is awe inspiring around us - I am talking about measured length here) that is at times feels like this huge entity that I have to move against and I get lost in the idea of this because I did not slow down enough to realize what a spaced repetition as this does to the building of a person and their expression on earth. I created my own resistance of the paranormal, the metaphysical state of being in the people around me, because I did not remain here, present. I was too busy wanting to tell my own story of hiding, using values to make sure I am defined in ways that allow my own survival, not slowing down to realize others were doing the same. Creating resistances to seeing directly, so busy with my ideological self. I separated from myself as life.

Yet, this means, though it will take time, that I must reground myself here, looking at the parts and reconstructing,  myself, my reflection ability of life within, and taking the time to look at the real world around me, respecting it, and realizing that the behaviors of those around me are the same, different measures, but caught in the same process of separation, into limitation, where the parts are not “ bad’ but within being in limitation, an action that is destructive, because ignored qualities are left behind, in a world where one size does not fit all that is needed to support a physical world filled with so many qualities to give all of us the palette needed to reach our full potential as life.

There is no competition. There is here, and the measure of here, as accepted and allowed separation from what enables a practical action that considers all things, is right here in front of us, and usually it is what moves with ease, gently, like water.