I have a friend coming around who I have known for years. He hears about desteni, but is also aggressive towards me within wanting a relationship. Sometimes I have thoughtsthat I do not want him to come around because of this insistence. But I continue, because as long as he becomes more interested in a process of self realization, I will communicate with him. So, it is to realize a relationship is not an option, and yet to continue communication without any reaction towards his behaviors. Here I will forgive myself for the reaction I have towards his insistence, as this is only in the mind and not what directs here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this emotion of rejection as anger, as fear, as disgust is really myself not trusting myself within and as simply being here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become annoyed as the insistence of another.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being intimate with someone within my environment because I fear it will lead to more insistence within having a male female relationship, which in common sense cannot exist between us due to incompatibility, yet this does not mean an absence of communication and mutual understanding and support.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the aggressiveness of this person, not seeing realizing and understanding that in every moment I decide who I am and what i am, and the insistence of another does not determine myself here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a fear that this person will end up clinging to me, and then blaming me, for outcomes in life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that I am responsible for this person’s life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that within feeling disgust and rejecting in fear of being blamed, I am in essence abdicatingmyself within self responsibility within and as directing myself within the moment building an imaginary outcome which is a judgement, this in itself a separation from being present here, within each moment in and as breath, realizing that I can within each moment, as this is all there is, is the moment here, stop and breath, and bring myself back here, slow down and investigate what is best and from here, direct myself within and as what is best for all, thus there is no need to fear, or allow myself to become a reaction.
i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the anxiety that comes up within this, in fear of a bully is from my childhood in and as a fear of a paddle and or a whip, where I was a small child, where I notice a memory of myself facing this form of punishment used in my home, and it is like a huge dread and fear which is not here, not what is here, thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this fear is based on a memory from my past, of myself standing before punishment as a child, with no way out and only an extreme anxiety, which I am able to stand through as this is not here, and only a memory of the past.
I commit myself to slowing myself down when and as I notice a shortness of breath and a constriction of anxiety, to stop and to breath and to see, realize and understand that this is not what is here in this moment, and that I am able to use common sense and direct myself here within and as what is best for all.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding reactions within myself as energy, as memory as the past, that which cannot define myself here, unless I accept and allow this, thus I slow myself down and bring myself here, within breathing to see, realize and understand what is physically here, that can be practically lived though common sense within the principle of what is best for all, thus this memory as the past as a separation into energy, as a reaction is not what i am here and this fear and sense of self within being disgusted is a stagnant state of myself here.
I commit myself to not allow myself to become this reaction of a helplessness, as this is based on limited insight and thus not what is real here.
I commit myself to slowing myself down, with and as breath, when and as I begin to experience anxiety and physical constriction, to not allow this reaction to be what I am here, as I am able to remain here, and from this direct myself here.
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