Using distraction. Day 802

I see statements about the state coming up in my world on a local level and within the internet world. It is interesting how patterns begin to emerge in the flow of information. In my world when a question is asked that appears to not have an answer there is deferment to the state. It is the state this and the state that coming forward as a math as a response. Yet, what is the state? What is this determiner? Of what is this “ state “ composed? The state is composed of people. 

For example, if a school committee member defers to the state, to whom are they deferring? They are deferring to other people. It is actually a way to not take responsibility, especially in the state of Massachusetts because the first statement in the state statutes ( state of beingness can it be distracted into limited information?) is that the people can do what they believe is best. This means that the state is there, as a guideline, but it is not what the people must follow. The rule is given that the people follow what is best, even when it moves against accepting something offered by the state ( people who are not in one’s immediate environment).  It is a construct that must allow choice, because ultimately each is responsible for their actions, and each one’s actions must be in consideration of all things. And, each one’s actions have choice. So, no matter what, what one chooses cannot be the fault of another, even what is offered by the state. If one chooses what is offered by the state it is the fault of the person making the choice, because the guiding and first principle is to choose what is best, no matter what. This allows the state to turn around and say, “ but you choose it, no one forced you to choose it - that is made clear in the state constitution.” 

This is why a state income tax cannot be allowed, because it allows money to flow to a body of people who then determine from a distance what may be something to use, but may not be what is best for the local environments, because environments can have subtle biologically configured differences. And the “ state” - that body of people forming things - is not there on the ground in reality. They are more in ideological pictures about something, which is never the real thing. I see this on a local level. My own conservation person has not come out to the field in my direct experience. She had no idea that moss growing on a stem indicates a high water mark. She looks at a field and has no idea about that. She cannot read the environment, yet this conservation person takes courses at the taxpayers expense, to learn how to do paper work. This conservation person is learning the construct of the state, one that has no real practice in reality. 

I also understand this from locals. The state supposedly monitors local species. Local people, local human bodies, out on the flats, working every day for years, have noticed that they have never seen a “ state” person monitoring the local wildlife. When they called the state about it, the state person, as the story was told to me, came back with the response of “ they monitor at night.”  How does that make any sense? I get a sense that each person, each body in a position is more terrified of losing their job than opening what does not make sense. This is not a presence of choosing what does no harm and considers all things. And perhaps it is why there are fewer horseshoe crabs. Everyone is so locked in their “ jobs” with a response that it is the “ state” that the symbiotic fabric of the living reality around us is placed second, which is a spiting of life, because the real “ box” of information is the natural and physical environment around us. What has happened with all the boxes we accept, of which our inter-net of information flow is and does, is not in synch with reality, with the living breathing fabric of life that is what and who we really are as men. 

Last night I met a woman who realized this over the course of her life. She had worked for a government entity as a tax person. She had sat, in her words, and moved paper work around most of her adult life. She said it got to the point where her body was falling apart, and she had to quit or she was only going to get sicker. She had used her natural capacity to sense much more dimensions of physical realty, on ONLY processing symbols forming ideas about things, but never being the real living thing, all day, day in and day out. This is a mis-use of the physical capacity of men. I have seen this in the schools here as well. It is difficult to find aids for some of the special needs students, with consistency, because sitting and redirecting and redirecting and redirecting a child that is a consequence of this distraction from real capacity, that then needs another person to direct them in their resonant chaos, is also a difficult thing for any sentient multi sensory living breathing physical body to do. It is similar to placing an animal in a cage. It is placing a sentient animal in a cage. It is unacceptable. And for what? So someone can play being superior, based on an idea of “ my INFORMation is more than your INFORMation”?  If we humans realize we can become distracted into focusing on very limited set bodies of information ONLY, without cross referencing the physical reality, of which we are the most perfect of forms to be and do, it will cause dis-ease and our bodies will rebel, and we will lose a sense of reality.  And, it is the most perfect means of control. Yet, we cannot blame anyone, because we allow it when we participate in it. When we believe that the state is an authority, the real authority is our ability to sense what is best, as what does no harm. Being present enough to slow down and choose what does no harm, none, is something each and everyone of us can do. 

If we look, we can realize that one of the first boxes of information flow, was probably rituals done with flying feathers and waving bones around a fire. Then perhaps traveling story tellers, those dishing out stories with dramatic flare of knights protecting the castle which is already a state of loss, and perhaps the initial development of the “ state” we were allowing. Then, that grew into a greater technology as a cathedral, with colored stain-class windows, and music, and robed men in richly colored fabrics, with shiny bits of gold, all polished up, and dialogues that held a truth, and yet were of exciting stories of seemingly magical abilities ( ourselves telling ourselves what we had lost? ). Today, we have public schools, and television. We have become masters of mis-information from a box, from a closed environment in separation from the living physical reality around us. And yet, we still defer to a “ state.” Interesting that the word is the word “ state.” This is so appropriate! We are in a hypnotic “ STATE.” Our words reveal us to ourselves. We always know what we are doing. Yet, the shield of illusion has become a norm, and is a comfort zone, one that is not bringing out our real haptic ability, that place where we would be most happy. Words as sounds are an incredible tool, yet they are so easily manipulated.  Our words are not in synch with our self-honesty, our natural sentient natures. This begs the question as to whether one programmed by the elephant in the room ( hyperinflation as a means of distraction that is what value judgement is and does, polarizing sight ) as stories of information, would in thought, word and deed, be out of synch with reality, and find an inability to answer to certain questions, to the extent that there is deferment to the state? This place is the border of one’s awareness, an inner resonant script that should one step beyond that, and deconstruct, one would feel like a kind of death were happening with accompanying feelings within the various and already-drawn-out stages of grief, which is a lack of vocabulary, or proper use of sound, that would move into defense, or resistance, and fear, because the boundaries of the inFORMation had reached a limit and that state of being is so habituated that a sense of realizing all things, appears to be a loss, when it is the opposite. All of one’s words no longer fit, as they are mis-aligned into a false construct one could call a limited morality.  If one moves into a verbal configuration of blame, one is in that state of grief of and as anger, because one is angry at one’s self, because one’s self does not want it exposed that one was not paying attention.This is a state of fear, which if we look has a quality of slow motion, of thick soup, of vertigo, of great resistance, of a lack of presence, which is a form of improper use of a tool and yet, a gift to show us where we have lost touch with understanding. And, just as the cycles of grief,  next stage is a form of self pity, or dejection, or giving up. So many times, there are humans that get to this stage of giving up and find themselves in a state of nothing. A place where there is silence. And, here, there are those who suddenly realize, that change as possibility exists. It is that place where absolute potential exists, that realization that we create our lives. Therefor our  “ state” is only an illusion as a body of humans doing the same the rest of us are doing and that it is only information that is being manipulated, and that the real box, the real information is the physical reality. And yes, it is never all bad. Yet, when the state begins to move in protection of itself, it can no longer be accepted and must change, in this the state is only a reflection of ourselves within. Also, it means that people on the ground must restore what is natural which is common sense. It is always there, one’s words are simply not in synch with it, yet it is there as it is the essence of self as life. 

It is your responsibility Humpty Dumpty, to realize the wall of separation is done with a discipline of mis-aligned information, of and as limitation, of and as an ignorance, a lack of real focus on the living physical reality around us, in plain sight and that which one is accepting of or not and instead rather a form of distraction that is of limited resonant information. The human body is the most perfect of technologies to read, and then to reed the music of and as life, to be in synch with creation.  Falling off the wall, is realizing, metaphorically, that the wall was not what was of real self support, as it was a false construct, and that when one hits the ground, one realizes how scattered one is within, and yet, that the fabric of life allows the pieces to remain, to be realigned to that which focuses one back onto the forest in awareness of all the trees. The tree, being what orders the physical reality to flow nutrients and water to reach all parts of this reality to maintain a balance that allows greater understanding of who and what we are as life manifest, which is physical.  The real and primary information.  Deferring to a state, as a thought, word and consequential actions as deeds, without cross reference to this living, breathing, physical reality is a state of resonant separation.  One was born with presence, with a natural absorbent ability, that allowed one to learn to crawl and to walk and to talk, without micro-management, before a distractive use of sound as language and pictures from a box that can be manipulated, programmed a resonant story of partial truths, that are a form of limitation, separating one into a consciousness composed of resonant pictures and words, that have a tension of uncertainty, as fear, which causes a state of stagnation, because one is like a child in a classroom who feels they are in a foreign country because they have no real reference within the language painting pictures ABOUT reality, to the extent they move into fear as they are not grounded in reality. That child, so much wants to participate in life, because that child is life before a resonant set body of information informed the child in separation from reality. And this to the extent, that a child cannot read the environment and take a moment to UNDERSTAND that the moss on the stem of a plant indicates how water gathers and collects, and seeps away, in this one particular area, of which a story is left behind, as that moss growing on that stem, indicating a high water mark. This is the living reality, telling a story of and as how things really work, of which a paper world is a STATE of separation. 

Real happiness is a state of full employment of the senses that is the self as a living being, that sentience that is that absorbent ability, that has the capacity as presence to read the environment that is the real story of creation. It is in plain sight.  The boxes on the landscape are a form of distraction from that natural presence. Nothing is all bad, and these boxes of information flow are not something to fear, they do move into details at times that is also important, though it is a mis-use of focus.  Even distraction as refocus can be used as a means of practicing the difference between being focused on a resonant construct and the living reality. And even here, in ways that use distraction to rebuild, to refocus and purify using words, those smallest of notes that delineate with specificity. 

It is time to get the very sounds you make as the words you speak, in synch with your presence, and to focus on the living physical reality in plain sight, and to realize the constructs of a state of separation that one is not required to follow as the real law, the real mandate, that must always be given into a state of realizing that a group of people can do whatever they want as long as it causes no harm and is what is best for all.  This is even in the American constitution, that men must sometimes rebuild because what has been built is not in synch with the best use of freely given resources to ensure the fundamental basic needs to the living machine are in effective order to do what we can all do so well if we look, which is to understand how the physical reality is a symbiotic reality of many parts moving in tandem to express what lends real creation of and as things that can withstand the test of time, and express in  balanced and sustainable harmonic practices, which is being in respect of the physical reality, as this is life manifest. 

Correcting cognitive dissonance A battle for the mind Day 764

The degree to which we resist to what is here, is equal to the degree in which we cling to storied information as idea, belief and opinion over practical reality.

What is practical reality but what gets things done, and mirrored in actions that work with form and function in ways that do no harm. Such means having a presence that is a focus on this reality, a physical one.

The sound that we make as the words we use, what we emit from our bodies as the instrument of the sound, either reflects presence and awareness, or the storied information of our desires wants and needs, meaning how much of this reality we ignore in the interests of what we believe will allow us to survive. Yet, we use this reality to survive, we cannot exist without it. To consider only our immediate survival without ensuring our actions care for ourselves, which is all things, is a punishment of the self. When we label an action and configure it with value judgements, to paint/sound a limited story we actually stagnate our presence into being separate, thereby making the picture of our belief larger than life and as such out of synch with this living reality.  Thus the busy-ness of chaos is done with limitation. It is a non-sustaining sound. With each spoken word that is not in consideration of all things, we diminish who and what we really are. In this all death of non-awareness is a form of suicide of the self. It is basically a math.

Not standing up to limited story, that is only a value made huge in self interest, as bringing forward a value as a quality as the nature of something is not necessarily a bad, as this is the self moving in a focus of what is here, to realize form and function, movement and expression of the physical reality.  Using label coupled with threat of being labeled as less, is a false morality.  The quality of separation is as the description suggests, it takes one’s focus away from the practical actions that respect who and what we are a physical states of being, as being would be. 

Inherent in my desire to be intellectual, manifest as wanting to collect information and knowledge is a truth as an understanding of realizing something must be known, understood, realized. REAL eyes. 

Placing myself into a consciousness of fixed knowledge and information, causes a separation from real focus on this practical living reality that is and must be physical, or formed, or manifest, or realized.

I think of all the karate movies, or stories about people who have mastered something, like having lessons with a master. They have no patience for excuse. They stand. I remember going to lessons and having a teacher simply say to me , ‘ Stop being weird.” One must get beyond the morality of being ‘ nice.’ It is really an illusion, it is to speak up about this reality in a steadfast way, even when emotional reactions scream their false reality.  People are ignorant but they are not stupid. Creating a mind consciousness of a conscious, sub conscious and unconscious mind and going to public school to practice for six hours a day being in the conscious mind only, is by design, accepted and allowed by the collective, the means of controlling information, and the movement into a suppression of one’s real capacity. After all, what is the main complaint about public schools that has been consistent since their onset? The loss of critical and creative thinking skill. Or the loss of presence in practical reality.  What do I hear from many employers? That this generation has little if no, practical skill.  That is being weird, because reality is right here in plain sight. 

If I were to say something like that, as has been said to me in lessons, and I started to cry, there should really be no sympathy beyond a certain point, because this is allowing the means of one’s loss of presence, as the only choice is to lend what brings one back to what is natural, as being present in this reality. the insights of being practical, removes the desire to cry, as a passive means of defense of one’s already accepted and allowed state of separation into a limited story of information that is in itself a self interest of idea, belief and opinion personified and made larger than reality. This is really what a master who accepts nothing other than what is presence in application is doing. They are accepting nothing other than real focus and presence in reality. Holding that is the only way to be. 

This is why depression is always a state of self interest, a state of not taking responsibility, a state of being dishonest. This is a state of not respecting life.  If this scares me, then I am in fear, and I am not present in this reality. 

Every word we speak reveals the degree to which we are being responsible as life, because we are only speaking what it is that is the focus of who and what we are, here. 

Why do I write these things out again and again and again? it is the work of, the play of, the process of and as re-scripting myself into realizing the patterns within, of self interest, of fear, and re-scripting myself equal and one to the real common sense of and as all of me, as who and what I am as a living being on a physical planet that is creation in expression, here. 

The Distraction of Micro Management and Intuition. Is Hillary Clinton equal to life? Day 720

I am interested in learning about chemistry and organic chemistry and biology. I realize over time, within doing a little over day, that I can accumulate an understanding of the parts and whole of these systems, how they interact, as their inter-relationships and what that means in terms of the plants and the animals around me, and my own physical body.

I have to build and focus on this, always relating this to this actual and real physical world. It must have a living context.

In doing this, I had to go and look at exponents. I have had some exposure to exponents but not a whole lot of exposure.

During the process I wanted to use laws or rules - guides as knowledge and information, from my past, about how one multiplies negative numbers etc. What I realized as I did a lesson in exponents, is that the former cannot be applied to the later.  Or, my understanding was so in one context only, I did not have the spatial understanding of negatives being a kind of division. The point here was that I found I had to move counter to my beliefs,  I had to move in a counter-intuitive way, as the information that is and was me as my past.

Within the school learning model, as the direct instruction model, one is introduced to new information, and then practices that new information, in integrative activities, and then one practices this on one’s own, reviews it etc. Inherent in this process is one bringing one’s focus onto the form, and ‘ relating’ to it again and again. Thus, one builds an awareness of it, one is developing a relationship.

This then is filed in the body, and eventually can become automated. What happens in this context over time is a forgetfulness of the information that one accepts to direct one’s self. 

In the context of moving counter-intuitively within myself, I had to slow down a train of past information and apply a new perspective within my presence here. And, I had to practice this change. And, I will have to practice this again, over a period of time, being aware of my past habit, recognizing it and moving into the new. 

If I have resistance, then I have to look at why I have that resistance. In this world, it could be that I have another task I must do that I keep in the back of my head. I am not being the director of myself in totality, in presence within what I am doing. And yet, just as that past information is not going anywhere, because I am having to move counter to it, I realize on some level, that I need not hold onto something, because it is essentially not going to go away!  lol, this is where writing a list of what must be done in a day is helpful, because I need not think about something, I can just move through the list.

Overall, what does this experience reveal? It reveals that we move as the information we accept and allow. It means that we can have an idea about something and that this idea, over time, can become this ambiguous information automated within us that we realize as information when we have to learn something new that is counter to this information, which is what being counter-intuitive means. 

This reminds me of having worked with others. Suddenly, the other person comes and says something like, “ I have a feeling that this is ... this or that” And I ask some questions and meet with a repetition of an ambiguous statement as “ well, I have a feeling about this.” There is no other answer but this “ I have a feeling.”  

Since I realize in learning something, that I take in new information, that with practice becomes how I direct myself, and that information automating, to the point where I do not see that information unless i have to apply it in a situation where my information must change, I have forgotten what it is that I use to direct myself. I would not have realized my set way of working with negative numbers unless i had moved into looking at exponents. Here, I experienced what it means to move counter to my own set body of information. I would not have realized a sense of resistance as wanting to move in the learned way, and redirecting that in a new way. I have to ask myself how much do I do this in reality? How much to I move as a ‘ feeling’ without defining the information that is that ‘ feeling’ clearly, and respond with being present here, processing what is here, and changing what information that is me that I have accepted and allowed? This would mean overall, that when one has a ‘ feeling’ one is moving as what one believes, and if not clearly defined, is really not understanding that one is in a situation that is counter to one’s ideas, beliefs and opinions. One is, abdicating one’s presence and being ambiguous in relation to one’s intuition ( body of experience/inFORMation) and hence, resisting change. That intuitive info is bumping up against the practical world and believing itself to be greater than the practical. 

It gets to the point where this starts to become so obvious one could cause a lot of friction in calling this out. Yet, what else is there, it must be called out. This also demands a focus and a fearlessness in calling out these moralities because this is what they in essence are.

This brings me to another experience I have had. I have interacted with school committees. At one time I went and read ‘ the book’ in my state as to the rules and regulations for school committees. I started at the beginning of this 2 inch thick book. After the initial pages, where goals and principles were stated, I started to notice what I was reading was all these details, or, micro management about procedures. When I noticed that what I was reading was a micro-management system of the huge amount of paper work, I turned the subsequent pages and realized that I was reading directions as to how to file this line of paper work information etc, etc, etc.  Within this, I had to move counter intuitive to following information. I had to realize that the beginning of this ‘ book’ were the principles and guidelines of purpose, and the rest, which was most of this book, was simply about making sure the paper work was filed correctly. I was afraid to stand up and reveal this. I  believed that conceptually this would be counter to the running mechanism of the committee! Wow. 

I return to this past moment, because yesterday  I read some legal documents, and realized I was looking at the same thing I noticed within looking at the school committee documents/book.

These legal documents were so immersed in referencing past statutes, with all these numbers and letters and symbols being used to organize other documents, and the information was such of a micro management system, that I started to become confused and anxious within reading this. There may be an inherent logic within this system, yet to realize that inherent logic would take years. It is such a system of causing busy-ness in referencing all the associations one would not immediately see that what one looked at was not a law, but a series of being told how to move in every detail- to such an extent that self discovery would not exist. And yet, we understand in the education system, that self discovery is how we learn! Thus, it is as though the very system of what is not really law, but statutes as to manage every movement, is by design counter intuitive to how we learn, which is self discovery. And, that what exists as this is not a directive as lending understanding, but a purposeful distraction filled with associations by construction, to not allow one to discover that this present system micro manages as a means of separating one from one’s common sense ability!  I also have to ask myself how often I have not used my common sense and differentiated between principle and dictated direction? That ability to learn follows, yet without seeing the patterns, one loses a sense of principle, as what guides one. This means one loses a sense of the whole, the space of here, as one is tied to details that manage how one moves in a reality that reveals itself when one has the opportunity to interact with it. Yet is we are so focused on words on a page that are buried in association- a distraction in itself ( I will not go the next layer into subject redefinitions in the use of words!) - that it would be easy to forget reality, it would be easy to separate from what that micro management system was managing in the first place! Incredible. A crime, and a purposeful abuse of power.

That is so fucking messed up! Yet, this is a mirror reflection of what our intuitions are, as our set body of information that we at times use in an ambiguous way when we respond to things as “ I have a feeling”!  Each of us, inherent in the use of the statement “ I have a feeling’ ONLY, are basically using/following an associative web of information as what we have accepted as a practice to self direct, or, a self micro-management system, that we no longer can process or communicate because it is so layered with cross references in relation to that web of information- it is no wonder we come up with ambiguous statements such as “ I have a feeling’ ONLY to justify the choices we make!  In this, we are a busy work of information that has no real relationship to practical reality, and we resist and spite and react and fight for that inner intuition that resists a real relationship to this physical reality around us. Why do we follow without question?  Do we wonder why we lose our spatial sense of reality as we spend years on and in this physical form called earth?  Our set body of information is not equal to reality. This is practical, it is simple, it is OBVIOUS. It can be called out by name. The only thing stopping one from calling this out is one’s own set body of information,  or one’s intuition, believed to be greater than here,greater than this actual physical world around us, that ground under one’s feet.   Our centralized, government control system of micro managing every move we make is a reflection of each of us being this within ourselves, and it is managing us, in the mirror image of us, because this whole state of being is not being responsible as living a real, direct relationship to what we are as a state of physical beingness! And, to do so, it must set ever more rigid systems of one-size-fits-all because this makes managing the separation from reality as each human, easier to manage! It is a total rejection of self as life,a total rejection of self responsibility. It is counter intuitive to reality, to life, and it causes endless suffering to this life on earth. It is self programming the flesh in self interest, without consideration for all things, which is what one must be and do, to equalize to creating an ‘ intuition’ that works so clearly, one never has to say “ I have a feeling” without being able to define that feeling. 

The irony in this is that the children tend to understand this very quickly. It is the adults, who resist and become full of friction because the deconstruction process is heavy and slow because they have allowed so much information without cross reference to reality to be what informs them.  The separation is thick and like a hamster running on a wheel, no longer able to immediately ground themselves as ‘ jumping off “ that two-inch-book of information as their intuition.  Yes, it is like the children, before this happens to them, circumnavigate the zombies, as the adults of mis-information that is not all bad,  because in essence they do not yet have the words to define and describe this. In other words, they are not being heard- and many are already on the journey of this separation. IN this age of information, this, I assume, will only exacerbate. Do we notice that our children are having a loss of mastering the most simple of things? Are we as parents wanting a system to solve this problem- which means we are the consequence to this same scenario? Who, may I ask, can fix this? Especially if the adults are the products of this? lol, no one can, and the cost of hiring another person to do this, in an effective way, would be very very pricey. Therefor, only you can, only the parent themselves. Only the self can sort this out. It is impossible for someone else to do this. Yet, the first step is admitting to this.

Even I, in every moment, have to slow down and breath, check my own ‘ intuition’ and realize it is not this reality, it is the marker of my own accepted and allowed information learned without understanding how this all works.

Day 558 Moving " upon" the section of a group.

In looking at words and what memories come up, a thought and memory came up with the word ‘ upon,”  which means to be “connected with.” I read this word as up on, and then I was in a memory of sitting in an orchestra section and having the thought “ Move up on.” It was the idea that I had to move up, move forward, move upon the seating placements in front of me. That being forward had more value than where I was. The motivation to be more than what I was within a picture of one thing being more than another and defining me.

Such a movement is not good or bad, but being the motivation to appear to be more was a distraction from being what I was , where I was, and giving my attention to what I was doing. Having a thought, a judgement, was myself as mind paying attention to an idea within a structural belief of hierarchy, and not myself seeing the whole and the parts, realizing that in space and time, there really is no difference. And, to know, that when a section leader plays really loud as a means to leading, it is really annoying, because the sound of the group, the section, should be balanced, where it sounds as though it is one, all as one. So, each part is really equal, and it is only the illusion of one seat, placement being more than another.

This is also me competing, believing that I must compete to prove myself, where the proof of being present, in this scenario, is to perform in a way that joins each seat with the other so that the sound is stable, able to be heard and balanced, so the section can respond to the other sections of the group and as such, hear all the interplay, which is what is fun in playing anyway!

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought ‘ I have to move upon”, as up-on the front of the section, becoming connected to the front of the section.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that being up on the front lines gives me greater value than being behind on the section in seating placement.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to connect “ upon” with a personal value of myself in relation to society.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine myself being of greater value were I to be upon the front lines of the orchestral section.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define value with my placement in a group, meaning I have more value if I am on the front lines of the group.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to distract myself from paying attention to the whole in and as thinking that I would have more value on the “ front lines” of a group.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define upon within the measure of where i am from a limited perspective in and as being placed in a spot, in a group.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from where i am, to imagining where I should, or could, or would be, and what that imaginative idea would create as a value of what I would be defined as in separation from myself here, being equal and one to and as what I am doing and where I am here as being the value of life as what is real, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become such a thought as “ I have to move upon” to prove my self worth, and as this meta-physical idea, separate myself from seeing directly here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how this one thought creates a sinking feeling from my head into my chest, where I become a self judgement of being this thought, that I am less than because of my position, and within this, creating a heavy feeling, occupying myself with an idea of more than and less than, and limiting my ability to grow and expand in awareness as my attention is on idea, instead of a focus of equal measure to and as practical reality, as it is only here than I can change, see, and equalize myself to practical actions that enable me to reach the full expression of and as myself as life, here.

When and as I find myself having a thought such as “ I have to move upon,” I stop and I breath, and I realize what values I am accepting and allowing to determine a definition of myself as a more than and/or a less than, and I slow down, and I see, realize and understand that the value is life, and that i am here, and that I can only move myself from here, from where i am, and that it is only from here, that I can hear what is here, as an idea in and as my mind, is just this, an idea, and not what gives me life, and enables me to direct and move, as i am here as a physical beingness, the way and the means of and as life, thus, what is real, where growth happens in thought word and deed is paying attention to here, to the physical.

When and as I find myself becoming an idea, as a thought, I stop and I breath, and I bring myself here, equal and one, breathing, to be in common sense of practical reality, looking at what steps I can take in one moment that direct me to the next step as this is the way and the means of life, as life in expression, as, in all common sense, life will.

When and as I find myself becoming an emotion of believing myself to be less than, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I forgive the memory, as the thought, as the emotion being the accumulation of and as such thought, and I bring myself back to practical reality, to realize a common sense measure as the physical, and I become the principle of what is best for all, as that which does no harm and takes that which is good, to see realize and understand myself as life, here, equal and one.

Day 487 Self Forgiveness on Thinking. What is thought?

Sometimes I allow myself , when moving through a point to procrastinate. It is that I am allowing the point to be HUGE and it is not.Once moving through a point, there is a sense of “ duh” so I realize that I am making it difficult. I can’t blame anyone but myself.

Today I asked myself. “ why did I need to think?” How could I see if I were thinking when perception is simply looking? How could I take in what was around me if I were thinking? Taking something in, in totality, needs only that focus, and anything distracting from that would diminish that process of taking something in. So, taking something in would need to come from silence, from nothing.

What  relief in a way, to not have to think, to not have to be prepared in some way to take something in. Thus, to really “see” would mean to come from a state of nothing, which means no thinking while looking. Thinking would, from a scientific standpoint, mean there is static within self as the movement of thinking, disrupting what was being taken in.

Note, that this does not mean, especially from where we have allowed ourselves to be, that we do not need to practice looking.

Ironically, we have televisions all around us telling us what to value, what to accept, what to think about. Which means that there is a lot of static around us, to disrupt looking. If we think of ourselves as a substance that would life , then a moment of silence may actually cause a moment of real seeing. In a hierarchy that would not be cool, because it would disrupt this.

But it is us, all of us that is allowing this constant thinking, this constant “ thinging” around us. Is this because we are afraid to see, we are afraid of the silence? And, this silence is how to see because it is nothing/no thing, which means clearing the mind to take in that which is something - as an expression in totality.

I mean, just look at how a piece of music can rapidly change a mood, disperse a hang-up on an emotion and alter the listener’s state. So, an emotion can change. Well, if one became silent in the face of emotion, would this be like starting again, in a moment, to register what is here from nothing, to stabilize in seeing, to clear the emotion,, and as this to correct what caused the emotion, to realize what would start again as a correction to a state of seeing, a state of ease, without the chaos, the static of thinking as holding a belief as an emotion? Is this not the way to correct an emotion to forgive that emotion back to ease, which is back to participation within self direction and self honesty with the life around us?

Any of us can realize that we cannot participate in our day, when we are hung up on an emotion. or over excited, such always leads to “ missed moments” and we regret that we were being so emotional. This especially happens within relationships. We later regret what was said and done and realize that we were selfish with our emotions and did not slow down and take the time to equalize in understanding with the other, and solve what was causing the conflict.

Our media uses this to distract from what is happening with political decisions, as we are all caught up in some soap opera of judgements, the workings of self interest are moving behind this curtain of emotional drama. So, those workings in self interest can say to all of us, we hid nothing, it was right here in plain day, in plain sight - lol and we were all in drama sight/emotional judgement sight - a thin veil really, so we cannot blame the system. As within so without. We cannot ask the system to change, because it is us. The many that can somewhat read, must change this, which means anyone on the internet. 

Thus, in so many ways, what desteni is saying we all know. We are just being that person within that storm of emotion, not having gotten to the other side, slowing ourselves down, to equalize in understanding to bring ourselves out of the static and correct to understanding where the discord stops and the ease within the communication within the relationship returns, the silence, where two people ( in this example) feel at ease with one another. And that is probably the most fun one can have, that ease with another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take thinking seriously.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to thinking within, and without seriously, as in believing that what another thinks defines me, or is the end all be all of what I am or what is real as what is here as life as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I think I am creating something, thus I forgive what I think as defining me until I can slow myself down to the point where I am ease within and as myself within becoming silent as in having no thought, as this is myself here, able to take in without expectation, without judgement, without fear and as such this is myself able to take in what is here in totality as thinking would limit my perception to accept what is here in totality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that taking in the words of someone, accepting the words of others where such words cause a movement within and as me, as thought would mean that correction has not been reached as in understanding to the point of being at ease, thus within this, to not allow another to speak or answer, to discuss and resolve is a crime against life, a from of bullying in self interest.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to with every breath, to slow myself down and look without thought to see what is here in totality, to thus not react to what comes to me in the form of value judgement - as in comparison, fear of loss, desire for gain - as such within and as me, is not myself able to see in totality from a point of silence , from which I can only make a decision about what is best for all, because I must slow down and look, sense what is here in order to be able to direct myself within respect for all life, for all that is here as including the physical world as being as much life as what we humans have been lead to believe, accepted, as the mind, an alternate reality as being more than the physical, and within this to realize that what is the truth is hidden right in front of us,  thus I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become silent within and as me, as a state of ease, to realize that all things here must be sensed when directing myself here, which is to begin from a starting point of respect for everything that is here as me as life, because it is everything that is that one something that allows me to be an expression as life, here, thus it is for me to silence myself as nothing to see everything and to respect all that enables me to be here as something.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that something outside of me has caused me to have lost something, when all I need do, is silence myself and breath and accept all things, including the physical, to bring myself into directing myself within and as what is best for all here, this which would allow a state of ease as life, as myself to be, and as such, if created for all one earth would allow life to begin within and as realizing that it is ourselves as being something from nothing that is expression of life which cannot exist as long as the static - so to speak- of judgement exists as thinking, because thinking is being stuck reading a picture as a secondary image taken of here, and cannot be the total sensing of the formation of life as the physical which must be done in every moment from silence, as such we cannot fathom because we are all so caught up with the something as the clutter as mind and so addicted to this, as ourselves fearing to simply not fear loss. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I can lose something. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I am an emotion as a fear of loss, I am not one and equal to myself at ease, in silence, myself being here and as such equal to everything, which includes the actual physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i need to think.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a thought

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my thought must be in accord with what is best for all, for the silence and ease of myself as life to exist, here, as this is myself from nothing to something as everything, of which I can only be as, as the part that i am here as existence for which I am thankful for all the other parts, as without the other parts that are me as life here, I would not be the part as me , here, as the composition of the parts create the whole, and as this, this is the real roller coaster - so to speak - as the joy of life, which is each part working together as the whole, in equality and oneness here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have separated myself from life into and as thought here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i have been hurt, mistreated and unloved, as idea within and as me, as this is the same that I have been given, which is idea of more than and less than, this pain as me is myself having accepted judgement, as this is myself having moved as fear of loss, of which I denied myself, myself as life, having not silenced myself as mind, to  move from a point of silence, a point of ease, to accept all things and respect all things and direct myself in consideration of all things to direct myself here in equality and oneness, meaning realizing the physical world is all things too.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to reject the physical as being less than what is in and as my mind as thought. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that I was taught as a child, to give as I would like to receive, and as such, when I began to judge the physical I was not in effect giving as I would like to receive because I was rejecting the physical world in all its expression and allowing one thing to be more than another, instead of looking at everything as the physical and realizing that the value was life, where not one physical thing was more than another.

Thus, ‘When and as I  find myself full of thought, and thus in separation from here, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see , realize and understand that unless as mind I am silent, as in being equal to the starting point of here, I am no longer in sense without judgement.

When and as I find myself believing that I am more than or less than another I see, realize and understand that  I  am not moving here within and as solution as that which is best for all here.

When and as I find myself feeling overwhelmed, I stop and I breath and I walk myself through the belief that what is here is too much, or too difficult to walk through and I see realize and understand that I can only walk one thing at a time, and that allowing the focus of myself onto the knowledge and information only , in and as my mind, I am distracting myself from being in common sense, walking practical steps as how being physical means and does,  and I put myself back on track, through realizing equality and oneness with and as the physical , here.

Day 474 The chaos of inequality: An inchoate Life. STOP.

I think it was about 2000, the spring of 2000. I noticed that every leaf on a tree was moving with absolute purpose. every leaf, every inch of every leaf, absolute purpose, absolute focus. So directed. Sensing every leaf on that tree definitely boggled my mind. The moment before this happened, I had decided that I had to give everything up, everything. At that moment it was as though everything left me, all that I used to define myself. And then what came was the realization that nothing I thought mattered, mattered. 

Looking back at my life, I realized that I had done this before, and always there was a point of a certain measure of clarity. The first time I remember this happening, shortly there after the first vortex like tunnel appeared. What I saw was myself at the other end of the tunnel, I was in winter, and on the other side was summer, and I was the grown woman in the summer land. I was twelve and in the summer land I was in my early twenties attending the college on which ground I stood. Of course, I had to live to that age and beyond, to when it happened again to begin to realize what was happening.

Focus, here. What is this for real? What does it mean to focus here absolutely? How, inwardly does one focus here? Does television impart the development of focus here? No. It grabs the focus of us. It can make parts of reality bigger, brighter than other parts, it can show only parts of and even edit out what is not wanted to be focused upon. Is the motivation behind this one of self interested profit? Thus, is this everywhere, a legerdemain, to take one’s eyes off the land. Dis-traction from that which is real, because then in a moment one might notice that all the leaves on a tree move in absolute purpose. And then the television will no longer have any real value. The land becomes the value, the earth becomes more real than any box of colored / divided lights.

My chest is in a knot. I could not move it. I felt very weak. I had to go into it, to find what was weighing me down.  At the same time that it feels like it has pressure on it, it feels like it wants to explode. And it is not my heart, I can’t pin point it yet. I had to get it to move - so to speak. I had to be able to focus on it for an extended period of time, to catch some movement, some way to move it. There was a moment of the slightest movement. It was fluid, a tiny movement that I felt was being absolutely forgiving. makes sense as this is movement, the only kind, movement happens in no other way, just as the leaves on the tree. There is no other way to move, otherwise it is destructive.

How is this same action manifest without, and within this, an accumulation of this over time?

Our American Congress can’t solve the problems of growing poverty and decay in America because they are not being absolutely forgiving, within the purpose of the constitution, which is to do what is for the common good, as this is the only choice. Our representatives can’t figure out a way to do what is for the good of the land and maintain their “ more than” profits because the only solution is equality. We have to give up usury. It is that simple.

So, I had a knot in my back, I had to go into this to realize the movement of myself within that I had accepted and allowed, name it and direct it. I wrote it out and scripted directives as words as structures to direct myself within focusing myself away from a bad habit as a belief into what moved. 

Now I have to do this again. 

Playing the violin is cool, because it demands focus, here. Focus through social politics, through inner emotional states, one has to learn to let things go and focus, here. It means standing within an absolute purpose of what is forgiving in a physical world that exists because each part makes it possible. Thus, usury is not an equation of life because usury uses limitation of some for the gain of others and justifies this within touting what is the exception as being a more than in comparison to the limitations such actions create.  A snake eating its own tale/tail. Ironically, in the end neither wins. The only win-win is equality, it is through balance as the physical world in full function that life can begin. The real story is the physical, not the layered self definitions as values in a limited story competing for self definition creating the self aggrandizement that is the act that separates into the chaos of inequality.

This morning I thought someone had arrived at my house, and immediately there was like an electrical branding on my chest, the picture was like one of those new bar codes, like a Mayan image of pixillated squares aligned in a pattern, and with this an entity presence as the story given as told by this person, a compound image perceived through my own cultural bias lens. Its story was of the good, the values, as having some significance, the limitations not expressed and this because common sense is not taught, only fairy tales that bear no witness to the actual real physical landscape on whose ground our feet walk as physical beings. We, us humans, are in separation from what is real, from the physical world, we are in separation from life.

When this fear ripped through me, I realized it was as though I was a child again, fearing to face what registered in my mind as an idea, that facing the adults in my world was like facing monsters. I am trying to face the emotional values, the feeling values as the conscious mind projecting the good to self validate, and ignoring the consequences of the effects of accepting this lesser god on what is real, which is the physical world, the very substance of life.

I was allowing the story, the projections of good, running from common sense, to be a burden I do not want to face. I have to remind myself that I was a child as all of this was informed as how a human directs to become a part of a social network made bigger than the physical network as the land that is what is real. Actually, the social network of ideological values is limited, though once intrenched in this, one stands in a forest of artific-ial electric screens that exist only in constant broadcast, the real forest working away underneath - the life of which is slowly diminishing as a consequence and we need only read the news to realize that this is happening, and here, I must say that the artifice -ial value system is slowly but surely consuming the gift of life as the physical.

I notice a fear within me, a sense of being unworthy, the shame there somewhere, a condition of politeness in not upsetting the status quo of limitation as a social network of men endlessly telling their stories of gain within what is in total a limited system.

And the thing is, is that we all know we are doing this. Just as I had the thought that I do not want to face this, so too do others. The simplified images spinning around in our minds are  so because as our separation compounds, memory is saved in a simpler image, the values accumulated that seem to justify the separation. As we can see, laws are being passed that make no sense of reality. They ignore what is abusive and accept what satisfies and justifies what is a form of spiritual usury, where each point on a grid as a social network in total is in separation from reality believes its ideological self to be real, despite the harm of this inner constitution of ignorance - is our Congress the outward manifestation of the inner state?

I mean, adults having sex with children who are physically not equal in size is abusive to children as physical beings.

People putting solar panels on their homes are not welfare babies. If they are then so are the elite, so are all of us. This is in effect believing the usurious system is what is real when the physical is what is real, and the physical world should function without any harm to anything physical on the ground at every point. 

If we pump chemicals into the ground we will pollute the ground water, saying there is no scientific proof in a system that hides data and ignores/disallows physical on the ground studies or labels them as " anecdotal" and at the same time inhibits the economic means to sustain ourselves physically and face those who have endless financial means, then the picture show on the media controls will just become an endless spin of justification, with no counteraction available, which means  that the collective of men must stand together to end this because the humans on the ground working together is the power, has more movement capacity that any picture on a screen.

Investigate this.

I have to tell myself this same thing within, that the emotional feelings values as the projection of idea has no real strength, and walking the separations, not accepting them as in hiding from them,  or fearing them, or reacting to them in anger is going to equalize them to what is real, to what is substantive. The dirt is the mind consciousness system, the dirt is the valley of the shadow of good and evil as death, the dirt is judgement, the dirt is the mind, and life is the soil, the earth and the substance which builds this as the sound of life, the movement of absolute purpose as a focus that does no harm that gives as one would like to receive, as that which respects all life, the physical world. 

We don't need modern art galleries, we all have one in our heads, just stop and breath and have a look.

It is the compound of your self, built of ideas that are judgements as belief, being used to direct and as such are yourself out of focus, a dis- traction from physical reality, the gift of life, here.

Day 368 Distraction, Comparison, Competition, Judgement.

So, I am having to memorize a presentation and I notice how so many things come up as distraction, and so many judgement, comparisons and competitions. I know they go no where and are not in any way directive, so I have to stop and focus myself on the information, the whole, the parts. 

I was woking with this child, and they would do this, “ go off” become restless, but they could be talked into slowing down and looking at what they had seen. It took a lot of patience. And then they got faster and faster at it.  It is like I am having to do this for myself, to keep coming back in common sense and not let anything move me. So to speak.

I also notice that when others speak, hesitate, I become this myself, in a way, and this is even harder than doing this for myself, I will have to practice this, a lot.  It is like I am a sponge. Which is what someone said to me one time, I am a sponge. ugh

I suppose it has its benefits, one learns to listen, and this kind of listening is needed when playing music with others, which can be a very intimate experience. One opens up to another when playing, one has to, to play together. Which explains why the abuse on this earth is as it is, we are not listening to what is here, we must be listening to something that is not here, because if we listened we would not be able to take what we have accepted and allowed that exists in earth. There is no way around this. I would think that were we really listening, we would probably start screaming as much as that child crying from the pain of starvation, or that cow locked in a small cage not being able to move for months. If we don’t want such to happen to us as life, why are we allowing this for others? Money is not worth this, Thus money as how we are using it, must stop, and this must change. What we are accepting and allowing from our supposed representatives is not actions of responsibility for life, they are not listening to life. This much is very obvious. This is a problem that has a solution, and if one really listens, the common sense of it can be heard, and realized, that if there is resistance in any way, then common sense has not been heard, you are not listening. The only solution is to realize that life is the value, and that to live this value, a structure must be placed on this earth that absolutely cares for all life, within the realization that life is the value.

Equal Money The solution to bring our separation from life back to life. 

Self forgiveness process, Desteni I Process Lite. TIme to begin the journey to life. It must be done, so might as well get started. You will never look back! I dare you to find out!