Day 543 The limited measure of projecting values.

Today I feel tired. I realize I have to go and do something and I fear the outcome not being directive, not being clear in leading to understanding of how we are formed within, that is causing so much anxiety and malfunctioning within out society. How can I allow another to discover the separation that exists that is so evident in the very practices we are all accepting and allowing that is creating the lack of communication and practical problem solving skills in each of us? I mean we need only look at the systemic structural design to realize that any lack is simply a disconnect from being in common sense. In other words, common sense is the biologic of each of us as the formation of the substance of what we are, it has to exist, or the very formation of physical life would be non-existent. It is what we are, so it is what we as humans are able to be and do. It is right here in front of us and we cannot see it, we are too busy projecting ideas that are based on limited values, missing the common sense of how this world works in interconnected ways, and how we are the perfect biological machines to be in common sense with that which is us.

So, this tiredness within me is a feeling that this is impossible. And I can feel this energy coming up that is a distraction from common sense. I have to stand, stable here, breathing, slowing down, bring this back to myself and realizing what is best for all.

There are videos on the internet of babies singing, crying, and dancing. What these very small children are doing is imitating everything they see. If a mother sings an emotional song, the baby imitates every movement, down to the tears flowing. Thus, the baby, who in reality has had no sorrow, ( I mean having a mother who can post on the internet, means the existence is pretty stable and thus basic baby needs met) is modeling the facial physical expression of sorrow simply through imitation.

Now, when we learn to play an instrument, for example, we have to remediate until the movement is understood. This is the same when we learn to drive a car. once the physical behaviors/movements are learned, the movement does not take up so much of our attention, and we can add more awareness. The behavior, the movement, the being and having of movement and directive capacity within this is learned and becomes automatic.

So, we know what is repeated as a behavior becomes automatic.

So, what happens when an emotional value is impulsed? The same. So, if emotional values are imitated, and we learn to form all our muscles in ways that imitate the emotional value, do we then  become this in response to our world? I mean this is a learned expression of our physical imitative expression. So, in essence, we can exhibit sorrow when we have never lived sorrow.

So, how directive do we really become, when we learn such? Is this not like learning play acting, without having any context of reality, that very physical form that enables this imitation - so to speak?

Is this what we are being taught, to begin with, the emotions of our parents?

It is that we are using a biological sensing machine to imitate within a behavioral bubble, one of self defining values that are in themselves in separation from realizing that what we are has an incredible ability to sense the world around us. So, one could say that our common sense as biological beings, is being used to imitate emotions instead of realizing that we are that sensing machine.  We believe that showing emotion is maturity, but in essence it reveals the measure of our separation from practical reality, physical reality, which is what is doing the imitating.

What if this biological ability to imitate were used to sense all of the physical world, to realize the workings of being physical beings on a physical planet?

What if, in tandem with this, we realized that the present system was one where banks, printed money out of thin air, lent it, with interest, knowing full well that the interest was impossible to repay, because what was lent was a certain amount overall, so what would return was only what was lent, so the interest could never, ever be repaid in total, and that with each printed-out-of-thin-air bill, the other bills lost value in a inverted division of placing the overall value within a narrow limited confined amount overall. I mean to say, with each printing, the total is divided into smaller measure, it is an illusion of more, that is not more. And the ones at the bottom bear the loss of value in pensions etc.

Yet, if we are all caught up in emotions, as the measure within as what we have remediated ourselves in and as, and that this has some meaning that is of a value greater than common sense, like we are existing as movies of emotional values in and as our biological imitative beingness, and so occupied with this, that we have no ability to measure in common sense what is going on right under our noses? We have lost, or not developed from the get go, a sense of the measure of reality here, and how our systems are structures that play with the measure of here in ways that support a separation that places an idea of value judgements before common sense?

And, overall, some, that are lost in their value judgements, which are a separation, that layers as emotions, that builds a character that becomes the expression of the person, who buys the airwaves of media, and impulses this value, which is imitated and programmed within each, that what is real, and what is common sense is completely lost.

And then, the structural design, economically naturally causes a lot of stress because that debt based on imaginary money made real accepted as real, by the borrower, has each of us running on a treadmill of limited values imitated to survive within this limited scenario, that we are so caught up in, we can no longer realize that a cup is a cup. Period.

What we see, is that the cup is purple, and based on our memories of comfort, or culture, that the cup’s value is based on its color because it triggers emotions of security of one’s place on a grid on inequality, where one’s cultural beliefs, are touted because they maintain one’s value that defines one placement. Our common sense tells us it is a sup, our emotional sense tells us that the value is based on other - and very very limited- qualities - and of course, these values are not good or bad, but they are made self defining values. A real smoke and mirrors show. I mean, this is how a natural divergent thinking ability is lost, that ability to look at an object and realize the real value as what the form can be used for beyond allowing one limited characteristic to become the value. And even here, to realize that the values are commodified, so one believes that there is choice. But the choice is very limited. I mean  walk into a department store and see all the shapes and sizes and believe that you have a choice, and that your choice is the “ real” choice and the best choice, when it really in no choice, because that cup is a cup.

So, my tiredness is the thought of having to face this paranormal system of limited values that humans have allowed to define themselves as. And, also to realize that because these limited values have been allowed to define us, and we are not taking our heads out of the illusion, that these values can be used to direct us into realigning ourselves back into our common sense. It is being responsible and non-reactive, to and towards the separation, because emotional reactions are  myself being the same, placing limited values before reality. And, I am such a program of this, that my automated reactions are not all clear, because it took a long time to build this inner-value-before-life-common-sense, that I have to bring myself back, breath, slow down, forgive the values, step out of the paranormal reality and ground myself here. And, once again, to realize that the only place that I can be in common sense, is equal and one with and as the physical, so the answer is always right in front of me, as there is no place to “ fall” but here.

I notice that when I become an emotional reaction, my legs physically become heavy, the muscles in my thighs become tense, constricted. This is the morality system of values I have defined myself as. This has accumulated into my flesh and defines my character, because it is of limited values, that are not good or bad, just aspects of qualities about the physical, not something to be allowed a more than status. And the loss of this, I fear would mean the loss of myself, but it is not the loss of myself, it is the loss - so to speak- of my separation from the gift of life, which is my common sense. I fear standing as the responsibility of and as this.

In all, it is very much like the logi-rhythm of a violin sting, where the divisions are placed within redividing space into a time of measure within a limited framework, and within this system, the division are of  commodified different measures, but the string length stays the same and it is composed of physical substance, so it is to become flexible, mutable, without fear of what underlies changing, it is only the pressure that changes the sound, 

What remains is the physical world and to get myself back is a process because it took time to build the separation from myself as life, here. And, for this separation I forgive myself, which means, re-scripting myself through writing, self forgiveness, and corrective application to become response-able as life.

Day 80 My legs and “hurt.”

My life has been filled with sudden change and there is a point where this happened the first time. I was a small child. I had to be between 4 and 5 years old. 

What I remember is walking towards my father, who was talking with my younger sister. We were outside on this patio. Next to my father and sister was a tricycle. I walked up and suddenly I was pushed or I feel, but i remember being pushed, hard, back. My father was irritated that he was disturbed. I fell onto the tricycle. On my right toe is a big moon that looks like the tip of the front fender of a tricycle. It cut into my toe. I stormed off in humiliation, in anger, in righteousness going to seek my mother. I can’t remember finding my mother.

I was hurt.

This feeling of hurt, I have carried with me all my life. As though I expect a sudden change and hurt from what is here in life. A sudden change will always come, relationships never remain, the change comes. I wait for it. Relationships are never constant. Thus romance is somehow a scam, I am always apprehensive.

Yes, I was going to my father for attention, to show him something.

My father was moving his attentions onto my sister, that which had been allowed to me was switching to another, and I had no idea how the mind really worked. I was a child.

After this, I don’t think I was ever close to my father again, I did not trust him, the change was too extreme. All through my childhood if I had to sit next to him the friction was extreme. I could not stand being next to him, That pretty much sums it up. I always had to know where he was in the house. It was like he was the demon, as though I was living with a father that at any moment would come and pour his terror all over me.

Later in my early teens, he wanted me to perform for his “crowd” and I refused. I would not be there to make him look good, I was not there to adorn him. Besides it was never good enough and the judgements would come. It was like walking into a trap of criticism.

It was like I had two characters within. One was afraid of not being good enough and the other was angry, an anger of rage. I did not understand this anger of rage.

Interesting, here a memory of a tree in the yard comes up. I was running and suddenly I stopped in front of this birch tree. I just have an image of staring at this tree, like everything stopped and it was just the tree and I. I have this with trees all my life, just stopping and looking at a tree. There is silence in stopping and looking at a tree. 

What is a tree. I tree does not move, it stays in one place, and yet a tree does move, on the inside a tree is flowing, moving with what is here, flowing. Even in the way trees each have a signature, a “twist” within the way they “grow up/reach up” which can be seen in the way the bark appears to flow in different rhythms within a spiral movement.

Interesting this juxtaposition of sudden change and the stability yet movement of a tree, here as what i am in this moment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as expecting sudden change.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place a negative  value in and as a polarity around an event/ movement of sudden change.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have walked much of my life expecting sudden change.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I lived in fear of the irrational emotional storm of my father appearing at any moment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have lived my life expecting sudden change accompanied with hurt.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  expect hurt.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take the actions of men as hurt.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that “hurt” is my own expectations, wants needs and desires not accepting and allowing what is here as life, where I am existing as the mind within idea, want and need, character expectation that is separate from what is actually physically here as this earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that my own emotion as “hurt” is my self, as in my and self, in separation of myself as life, equal and one to what is physically here as this is life, where the supposed “hurt” is the expectation  of experience as the focus of myself and thus, the separation of myself from here, where I am not seeing, realizing and understanding this physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that a sudden change can really exist within this physical world, in that what remains is life, and thus no change, as hurt, can really exist, what “hurt” is perceived is of the mind in judgement based on energetic values separate from the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that through all the perceived “hurts”  life remains here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have walked my life as the character of expecting hurt, where I enter relationships that end in sudden change, which is what I am experiencing in the “now” of myself in and as “hurt” within my human physical body legs.

I forgive myself for  allowing and accepting myself to take this personally and turn this into some scream of self pity in separation of life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that my perception in and as “hurt” is taking what is the action as idea, belief, opinion, desire, want and need, thought, emotion and feelings, all as energetic projections, what I have existed and walked as, the separation of myself from into and as an experience - as a storm in a teacup tantrum- what I have allowed myself to walk as, that is myself separate from here, not seeing, realizing and understanding the existence of separation from this physical world as the mind consciousness system of an alternate reality imposed on what is real, this physical world, the stepping away from myself as a tree of life as what is constant and flowing with and as life.

I commit myself to realizing when and as I become this self pity feeling of hurt as the character of myself as what I have accepted and allowed in judgement instead of, like a tree, flowing with what is here as life, using my common sense to see, realize and understand the separations of myself into and as a tantrum of belief, opinion and idea based on values of right and wrong, that which i allow to become fixed instead of realizing life here.

I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that “hurt” exists within separation from what is physically here, where in some parts of this world, what is physically here to sustain life is taken from what is physically here, and used to support only a few, who exist in an energetic fear of loss should they lose their singular ideas of what they are.

I commit myself to no longer allowing and accepting myself to blame and spite myself through believing I have been hurt, not seeing, realizing and understanding that “hurt” is my self not looking at what is real, this physical world, which means that all “hurt” is self imposed in ignorance, as the physical is what is constant and unconditionally giving.

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Day 33 Ordinariness

Day 33 Ordinariness

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe I have to much to do.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to feel that I cannot get things done in time.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to focus on a list of things I need to get done instead of being physically practically here taking things one step at a time as this is all I can do as what I physically am here as a human being with two arms and two legs, where physically there is only so much I can do as this, where realizing this will allow me to stop worrying and planning and instead simply walk through what I can physically do in one moment and breath and be here and enjoy what I am doing here in this moment.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that I have completed many projects, thus to do this I simply take what needs to be done one step at a time and have fun with what i am doing, not worrying about making mistakes, simply breathing and using my common sense here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize from a memory, where i became anxious as I was directing a group of men, where the men stopped working, and I could not get them to continue, and they ignored me, so I went to do the work my self without compliant, and what followed was that one by one the men came and started working and in no time the job was done.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that I am waisting time and breath existing as the mind in feeling like I have too much to do.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to have an attitude of life being difficult because on top of all of this two huge willow trees fell in my yard and now on top of everything else, I have to rent a chain saw and take care of these two trees, when actually going out and spending a day in the yard taking care of these fallen trees can be fun.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to  feel that I have to rush, where rushing will end up causing more problems because I will not have been present in common sense in and as the moment and instead be moving my self as “wanting to finish.”

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to have the same approach when talking with my mother and father, in wanting results when I am talking with someone who dismisses things they do not know and want to talk about what they know within certain relationships, where they believe there is no connection between politics and finance, for instance, and realize that understanding may not come in one conversation, where simple points can be brought out and left to be continued at a later time.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize I tend to do the same thing I am doing in facing a list of tasks that need to be done with wanting to rush and becoming anxious in finishing said tasks as my behavior, as when I am talking with people, instead of just being ordinary, meaning not having any expectations, not wanting an outcome, expecting and n outcome as this “ironically” dismisses my self from my self as breath and common sense here, where in practical fact , I cannot be here and taking the step by step physical reality of getting a task done, just as when I interact with the words people speak where the words reveal the beliefs, opinions and ideas, that can only be walked through in common sense one step at a time, where if I rush in desire or expectation I miss points, just as I will miss an obvious practical thing to be done in completing a task, where when I miss something I have to go back and start again and this ends up lengthening the duration of completing a task.

I forgive my self for not realizing/seeing /understanding that the word ordinariness gives me the answer, as in doing things in order, which implies that a task can only be walked in order, just as the words in a conversation are a brick wall of understanding and thus the words within a conversation are in an order and that order can be seen, where the task is to take the words/bricks and order them in such a way that what they guide, as create, as “live” when walked in common sense will become living words as what is best for all is the simplicity of an order that is aware of the whole, in consideration of the whole, which is how a task is approached in joy and fun, as simply being one and equal to here.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize that I cannot know the next moment until I am here in this moment, thus do I need the ordinary to bring me here, as all as one as equal.

I commit my self to allowing my self to become ordinary.

I commit my self to realizing in every breath, in every moment that there is, as this physical reality only the ordinary.

I commit my self to breathing here in complete ordinariness.

I commit my self to living ordinariness, where the ‘extra-ordinary” accumulates to become what is best for all as what is best for self is what is best for all, as this is what being ordinary practically walked manifests as.

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Day 19: My Legs and Hip Pains- What I have accepted and allowed.

Day 19: My legs and hip pains= what I have accepted and allowed.

Here I attempt to write as the movement of my self as the reading of my self as what I have accepted and allowed as my self as energy and to not simply recite what has been learned as what I am by what i learned/accepted/lived within how I was taught/lived in and as my life, where at this point the voices and desires and wants and needs of my self are with in a pattern of emotion and feeling here in every moment as what I am in separation of my self as life and unless i begin to match these separations in this moment as the image of my self as what I believe I am, as the label of my self and slow down into breath and forgive in detail as what I am here in totality that is causing constriction showing me where I refuse to grab this searation by the fucking balls and bring this back to self humbly and gently to turn and face this storm of energy that a will only seek and explosion in and as positive energy, a high that leads to dissipation, this not wanting to die as this is all I have known, here, to this I must turn, breath an awareness of my self into as what is and cannot satisfy me and is only self punishment as separation is self punishment  and fear of self becoming self as life, to stop the bullshit once and for all of life denial, to give up the cry of fear allowing the vulnerable existence of my self to stand  and become a perpetual state of transformation as life in expression as life, directed by life, as life is what is best for self is best for all.

I forgive my self for allowing  and accepting my self to believe that i must objectify directions and file them away for reference in stead of realizing the very sound of my self as life here, strong and directive as this is what life is and to become this, start from this point and not use an idea of what this in fact means.

I forgive my self for  not allowing and accepting my to stop weighing ideas of who I am to fit into what I do, to maintain a persona to be understood within the society in which i live and instead to face what is here as here as self as life breathing through constriction and clinging to ideas of self, as how i look, as how i should appear, as how I respond to what has been repeated to me as words by relatives and friends and society, that I need the support of a man, the imagery of a man by my side in order to be accepted and listened to as a woman, where the fear of not being this is my self allowing a conditioned existence separate from my self as life, as I am life and thus unconditionable in needing something as object as image as beliefs to create as my self' as an image as a presentation in order to express and interact with life here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to listen to the voice as belief in and as my mind that dictates a lack in accordance with defined and designed relationships, as ideas, opinions and presentations as a woman being next to and in service to the mind of a man, where having lived this service to and as the mind of a man, self sublimates self as life and that of the man, as the support of a man as his personality is the support of the insecurities of said man, and the continuance of the man in separation of himself, that which he seeks above all else yet also, as a man, believes is answered and found through the support of a woman, when in fact such a scenario of the impossible dream, as this man must stand as himself, removing the ideas and beliefs as imagery, just as I must, and self direct as life, must find his own spark as life and stand vulnerable as that, thus in believing this resonance as what has been taught I become separate from my self and disallow what is best for all and thus best for my self and the other point in the relationship that in totality is separation from self , as this relation is clung to as it is a limitation inconsiderate of the whole and unaware of itself as life , as this life being able to self direct from a point of clarity as self' as life, no longer shackled to separation where objects of guidance are created that are of eternal separation and not self facing self as what is actually eternal, this nothing that is everything, this nothing that does not judge, this no thing of need for support, this place of forgiving as self to life where fear does not exist.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that my accepted and allowed separations are the hooks of my mind , clinging to energy, believing energy to be real when this energy is actual dissipation and the real sense of falling, where as the self as life in humility is self breathing, where the very constrictions and non awarenesses of my self within and as breath show me the very limiting factors of the power of my self as life, where this self is muddied and held within a fuzzy logic unable to accept and allow breath as the constriction  is a firebrand of self separation  that I am in shame of believe is a punishment for what I have accepted and allowed, yet this must be brought back to self and cleaned up, deconstructed as this will life not/knot into and as eternal separation and a state of want need and desire for like minded clutching and sustenance to support this separation, where this separation will consume itself in energetic union believing this to sustain self when this is actually an ecstasy of death, where in reality this is a death of the separation of what self has accepted and allowed and thus not real, a suicide of self, as it is self in dissipation and not self in self direction as life as what is self, as this life being what is best for self is life and eternal.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see, realize that this consequential play out of self in and as energy leads to death, where as this present system exists, everything is placed to lead to this development and death into and as energy for all and everything on this planet, as this is the fire of hell and not the expression of life, manifest in extreme playouts of constricting and disallowing of natural physical expression of plant , animal, and human, and especially children, where many female children are orphaned and spend days bound in chairs as there is not effort to care for these children, no effete to respect them as life and offer them self development and direction as life, where, as I learned in Romania, much of the financial support for the orphaned children of this country was taken by officials and workers to support their own children, and thus the babies grew without stimulation of any kind, in a pen as a crib, completely undeveloped, as this is what we all accept and allow on this planet in our ignorance of how this system works within a system of profit that is ONLY the manifestation of a game of survival and competition for life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that I am this, I have accepted and allowed these same behaviors in and as my self as i have accepted and allowed the very roles of family, to consider only my immediate family, and within that place my self into support for other family members who themselves have accepted and allowed consideration of themselves as the very substance of life one and equal to all that is here, and that it is only this system of inequality that creates lack, evident within a belief of supply and demand, where in common fucking sense it is known what is needed to support life here, where within even this realization it is blatantly obvious that consumerism does not consider or provide for life, but supports and feeds the energetic desires of men, the energy that is of separation and thus the endless pursuit of  being in and as a substance of stability and constancy, yet consumerism promotes separation by feeling the desires of separation knowing that these desires are never, cannot ever be quenched and thus an endless source of profit.

I forgive my self  for allowing and accepting my self to not recognize the physical movement of a child bound into a pod chair , a movement of 'swaying" to be as my self where I sway as I am in waiting to discover self, not realizing that I am in fact being the experience of waiting and not licking my self up and directing my self here fro fear of making a mistake as this has never been done and the idea of standing alone, an illusion, is what is believed, signifying there remains a fear of death and loss.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear standing alone, to believe that I am standing alone.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize the illusion in and as my mind that letting go of ideas and opinions and images of how i must present my self as the image and likeness of the consumerist ads, is really the road to the death and loss of my self as life, that the leading into energetic experiences as ideals propagated by these ads is eventual un-fulfillment and death of self, where self is so busy dying that there is no life ever having been lived.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to become emotional , here in this moment about all of this.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not watch the self satisfaction of my self as placing words here without any living word substance as real understood power of self in and as common sense, an illusion of knowing can present itself as a seemingly "calm" knowing, but really a rigid obsessive compulsive adherence to a belief in being structurally detailed, where this becomes what is real, yet lack a real directive capacity if scrutinized.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to go into future scenarios where I imagine what my future will be where this very experience of my self is my self in worry and fear of the future, and thus I stop my self and I breath and I look at the beliefs  and I forgive them, and return to my self here, with what is physically here and i realize I can only walk within this physical world step by step, so there is no need to dream of a future as what is here within this moment can only be walked as what is physical here, and that there space to be in common sense of what is here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that the pain in my legs, especially this incredibly hard seeming rod in my left leg, will take time to deconstruct, as I have not allowed the breath as my self to be here in this leg, placing life as awareness into this leg, where this leg has only, in my ignorance of what I have accepted and allowed,  taken the brand as the fire, as the separation as the grid of what I have accepted and allowed as belief , opinion and idea according to what is  directives within a system of inequality where I suppressed life and thus the life of my self went to sleep and it is as though my leg does not want to wake up, so compressed that it is painful to breath life back into and as this leg, yet this must be done as there is no other choice.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not see realize and thus stop through utilizing my breath, to see what I have accepted and allowed in self/life separation the judgements of what I should appear as, what my faults are within non compliance of complete and total image replication of my self , o so I believe, as woman in relation to a man, as home in relation to successful money acquisition to have the picture perfect in-mage and likeness of 

a sales catalogue home,  to believe my self lacking in ability, as in performance in word and deed where I have no real idea of what this lack of really means as I have never stood as my self and walked thus do I criticize my self for something I have never actually even been shown to be, so I criticize my self for something never attempted and thus I am merely criticizing something I know nothing about as I never applied common sense and got to actually experience that which I am just as label of lack as! Insanity.

I forgive my self  for allowing and accepting my self to  not realize that I am my own judge and juror, for my self as life, when in common sense all I have done is imitate images and never directed my self as life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear that I will cause harm to life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that the common sense of me as life, in and as breath will cause harm to life should I speak up within remaining in and as breath, as what is this commonsense of my self as breath will no longer participate in supporting an idea as image that fits into the consumerist model of existence.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am unworthy of life, that this that is the power of me as life, as self is not wanted, when in fact this is my mind messing with me, as this means the death of the mind, the stilling of separation and division into and as energy, the fear of loss of my own accepted and allowed addictions as mind.

I commit my self to breath, I breath, I breath, I breath, into my leg, I bring my self back to life, I stop the fire brand of my mind.

I commit my self to stopping reactions of "this is too hard,"  " I am unworthy," " I just want this to stop," and I breath, knowing the intensity of this is the point where this will soon dissipate as it is indicative of the death of energy seeking an illusion this this is All that is what I exist as.

I commit my self to breath, I stop this depressing sense, feeling of hopelessness as this cannot be life, as this is an illusion as all I have ever known and not myself here that is life, where feelings of unworthiness are a dis-respect of life as what I am, and if I look, I would this on no one, not anyone I know, thus this is an illusion as just as I would not want this for anyone, in common sense it is not something to be thus this feeling of unworthiness makes no sense.

I commit my self to breath, to becoming one and equal to breath, to earth, to heart, all one and the same in construction as what i am here as life.

I commit my self to breath, to breathing and realizing all constrictions and fears and depression as not what is real and only an illusion, where this is the falling of my self into and as separation, and as I breath I will walk with more and more certainty as I am on a journey to life as there is no other choice but this.

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