Patience is more natural than anger Day 711

Anger is always self anger.

I realize more and more how much anger is really self anger. it is not having enough information. It is reacting as an event, as seeing the problem and reacting, taking the long road into solution. How many times have each of us regretted reacting in anger in past moments? I know I have many.

There have been times in my life where I was calm, and despite a short tempered reaction coming towards me, or myself reacting as a short temper, if I look, I can see that I was/am reacting within fear. Fear is having value judgements, fearing to lose my life, or an idea thereof. I hide in anger, resisting and pushing away what is in other moments more natural and less a cause of friction. These are more often than not, those moments where the emotional fire subsides, moves through its course and settles in moving forward without increasing accusation and a residual ill will.

Thus, anger has this quality, or I might say, dimension to it, that is rejection and resistance, a ‘ not wanting to know’ because resolution would mean facing an already accepted idea of impossibility blending into self pity, one a consequence of the other, building a voice of futility. Yet, that there is movement in limitation, as energy, as this, it means that the strings pulled as this, can change and self realize this movement and learn to recognize this and realize just how limiting such a construction is within. It also means that nothing can touch me as life unless I accept and allow it. It means that patience is more natural than anger. 

Reciprocity Day 703

Within the sales process I have learned the importance of listening. There are levels of listening, as one must see the whole and the parts. One thing I notice is how self validation comes forward, in the form of the speakers experience, the things that express the structure the person uses to self guide, to self support. It is a form of conception, a form of knowledge and information that defines the person. I must listen to this, as it shows me what the person uses to order themselves and their goals, and what is unique about them. This means, that window into what potential they gravitate towards to connect as a starting point with this earth.

The moment I interrupt them, I am essentially beginning to force something on them. I am taking what they have said and already, in a rush, relating it to myself. I have not asked questions to clarify and made sure that I understand where they come from, what they have defined themselves as. And, I have not used their state of being to hear what would more than likely, to a tiny degree, expand my awareness, because inevitably, everyone is unique, because everyone is standing on a different point on the ground, thus even with all the layered stories of experience within this, there is always an insight buried in the storm. I must listen for that, and yet, understand the building around that point. It becomes an incredible thing to be able to do, this math, and this discovery of a point of connection. This is overall a process, and it is the same for myself, as it is for another. It is a reciprocal process.

Lately, I have attached the image of a horse to this process. For some reason I define a horse as having a reciprocal nature. This is moving backwards and forwards, to see the parts and the whole, to even enjoy this process. It is accepting the gift of understanding and then reconstructing once a connection is made. 

Before I began to realize this, I would get scared and angry, righteous and overwhelmed, moving into all manner of justifications and frustrations to push a goal I had within me. There is nothing wrong with the goal, really, it is who I am within what I am doing that is the problem. That rush, my own agenda wanting a quick connection instead of realizing that the process is living. In space and time I can only be here, and development moves in many ways, like self awareness is in perpetual change, or transformation, and that this is being here. 

This reminds me of the summers I allowed art students to open a gallery in my living room. Each student had a different approach to their art. One did iconographic pictures, mixing up cartoon-like images in new ways. Another, did pictures of nature, oil paintings and water colors. Another, did really simple still life’s of objects. When people walked into the gallery, they would automatically be drawn to certain images.  Some like the simple and somewhat amateur still life’s, some went right to the paintings of nature, and some stood in front of the story line images.  Each type of art made some sale. 

Thus, each person reveals their own belief systems within their choices, and their words more than likely reveal the patterns of their belief, and the experiences used to justify their belief systems. Before one can connect with another, one must reciprocate, meaning move back and forth, listening and understanding where a person comes from as their perspective of reality. 

Within this, resistance is productive, because it helps realize what defines as a structure and then allows one to open up that structure in small and simple ways, to open doors into accepting other perspectives and expand within one’s self. Within this, comes an ease and a sense of trust. And, an exposure of how all of this works, because one then has the contrast of one’s belief and that of another. Thus what could be considered a limitation, becomes a means towards expansion. Limitation becomes an illusion. Yet, this is how we learn, this is how we practice becoming present, enjoying form no matter what and seeing it for what it is and looking outside of that to change, as change will happen in small steps, digestible steps. This is reciprocity at work, moving backwards and forwards until something is clear, enjoying one another no matter the starting point. 

What does this mean in practice? This means listening to the story being told. This means hearing the value judgements, realizing the persona is in the words, getting to know the personality. Within this, discovering the potential suppressed as the means to the end, have not been lived and instead a past of experience leading to a role, as a persona was the choice made. This means moving back and forth, grounding one’s self in the physical reality that is right here. This physical reality remains, even when the persona wavers in protection and defense, avoidance and blame. In the silence, and the stillness of focus can one begin to sense patterns and call them out by name, indirectly telling stories, creating a value  that realizes the capacity through ordinary action that leads to the extraordinary movements that we all admire for their grace and ease. Those who have a small measure of development, that supposed exception to accepted and allowed rules that reveal in every way, the means to the end - as it is simple. What complicates is what causes resistance. That self suppression via limitation and ideas of lack circulating as pictures and words, as voices in the memory, a mind full of morality codes made larger than life and in separation from the practice of reality , a physical reality. It is a firewall , that is emotional. It is the veil. It has parts that are good, yet those are ideas  - not presence  in reality,  they are  - right or wrong - personifications. They are illusion, they are like a television. You are electrical and magnetic by design.  As within, so without, as above, so below.

So much of my life has been caught in sympathy. This means being sympathetic only, accepting another persona and agreeing with it, instead of realizing real empathy is listening and then giving practical solutions that move the path SIM-ulated into an expansion that allows one to move with ease and create, meaning to live the kind of potential realized inherent in the design of who and what we are as men, with two arms and two legs and two hands and the ability to move with our presence into forms, be they imagined or real, to sense the space of this reality around us, catching those point of resistance and yet seeing the creation of them, an inflating of what is a value judgement made huge, and bringing what was not expressed, or what was missed into a practical action. This is making things small, as within an equal size relationship to the physical world. This can only be done right here, in the commons of reality that is the physical world.

Within this I need not fear the projections of the mind of men as this is not who and what they really are. I need not fear losing anything, because what expands and creates can never be lost, yet it can become silent and begin again. What works remains and what destroys cannot remain, we either realize the value being life, or we continue believing that our egos are larger than life, mis-using the imagination with what is an imperfect practice, as we are not here, in respect of physical reality.

If we accept knowledge and information from an authority that speaks on a soap box from a distance, we lose all connection to our natural ability to assess reality, and we become instead filled with malice- a crystallization mercurial in nature a false morality, because we miss what is hidden in plain sight as the physical world.  We believe that adderal will help our depression because the label by the authority says so. We follow instead of investigate. later we may discover that this ‘ thing’ is really crystal meth with an added chemical chain that does not change the action of the original and real name. The damage done from such following is the mis-takes never solved, these which accumulate as mis-information/story, that weigh down the body while one lives in a false bliss up there in a bubble that is a personification. If we listen we all hear this, we all see this, we all know this. It is that we fear to live. Yet, that which we fear is the only way out. This is why that which we resist persists, because it must be made clear and brought down into practical measure equal to physical reality, as the physical is creation in expression.

Within myself, in relation to this, I realize the people I have trusted I can no longer trust, or that I am alone, that I must stand and be responsible for who and what I am.  Someone once said, trust no one. In reality, I can only trust myself, with the help of the commons, as the ground here, I can begin to slow down and listen and no longer become confused, or recognize that I am confused and see that I have not found that simple point to bring forward that is always right there in front of me, in every moment. For this, I can use my best friend; silence - and who has a twin known as patience.  I am here. I can take that which is good and does no harm and I can walk with self forgiveness into investigation and assessment to find what is self corrective until equality in each and every point realizing the value is life is here on earth.  I see, realize and understand that fear is a sign that I am not present in reality. I can use the capacity of myself as life, to take the time to reciprocate and build understanding and then relate to respecting reality and choosing what is best for all, as this is what s best for self, here. 

Day 541 The MAZING mind.

I am dealing with a family that has problems with their children. I have talked with both parents and the child. Having watched so many children, specifically read, their body movements, the way their eyes move, where the very music of them stutters, I look at the child speaking with me, I ask some questions, just to get him to speak, so I can hear the words, see how he moves, like when I taught children violin. I had to watch to see if the form, as their bodies, was in alignment, balanced, and how they were moving as the blocks as the notes, because when one reads music, one see the patterns as blocks, and takes in the form of this. Playing the violin takes an awareness of many angles, and to get this to come out in balance as a child, takes some “ reconfiguring.” One has to know where things are not flowing, even within. With reading and speaking it really is no different.

I listen to this boy. I speak with his parents. I notice there is spoken agreement. But, when it comes time to organize, nothing.  It is like seeing a seed emerge and then no capacity to follow through. the whole scenario will be sabotaged with this action. But then, this is somehow understood because they had reached out and come to me.  The only thing is to call this out and walk the limitations in the way, direct through this, make it plain, and either the action is taken or not. I feel responsible for the steps that would lead to self responsibility. But the maze appears too much to me.

So, I find myself going into planning, emotional planning, to face what comes. I remember that everything was analyzed in my family, about every single action one made in various situations. Then the fault line was pointed out.  The verbal punishment ensued, the reprimand. I felt that i was trapped because the questions came at me, where i was caught in answering but never allowed to ask the questions.  Perhaps, as I became older, I then started to ask more questions, or bring up more variables, as is natural, but then used this, when successes had been made, as a way and a means of deflecting the whole situation so as to pre-empt where I for saw within the event the fault line. So, I got caught up in a game of avoidance tactics, smoke and mirrors, using my sense of space and time to  build my own castle walls. This is like consuming an ability in very narrow and limited ways, instead of using this to actually see the totality of what is here that would bring one to act in such “ mazing” ways ( yes, why do we just use the word amazing and not the word “ mazing” When in effect this is what really happens. )

This brings me back to the boy and his parents within whom I am interacting at the moment.

I am dealing with the “mazing” that is the same as what i have done, even though the specifics are perhaps of slightly different measure. But, somehow, there is awareness of this “ mazing” effect, this self sabotage.  We are not seeing that, just as with learning to play the violin, we create what we are within, and we are responsible for what we create within, and what we create within becomes our tool of measure in reaction the the world. What each must realize is that every one of us is doing this, were we not, were the balance of each human more on the side of consideration and respect for this world, then our system would be more a system of care for this life, and since it is not, the majority of us, that have jobs and a roof over our heads, are more than likely a mazing of  avoidance in being honest and as such, enjoying, really enjoying, being here, interacting with this reality. Instead we are caught up in our own heaven and hell fantasy in and as our minds, we are not being direct and equal to reality, realizing our mis-takes, as only this, as a process of learning to become life,  we are hiding, using that which enables us to respond and measure the outside world, and building an inner maze that has forgotten to enjoy what we are in essence doing as beings on earth, which is to learn, to enjoy, becoming functioning beingness with this world.

I find, within this realization, that my back is screaming. Like standing and being clear, will end up causing reactions, but I would want someone to be patient with me if I had become this, I would want that non-reaction as ego if I were in the other’s shoes. I would want the slow and careful patience which was given to me at times in my life that allowed me the space, that even showed me the space to see my own movements, my own measures, to realize them and then add more awareness to my own mazing actions so that I could begin to move with ease, which is to move with humility, humbleness, patience, and self honesty and actually begin to enjoy being here because it is here that I am life.

Stop and Look at your own mind constructions, built over time, where the forest is no longer seen through the trees. To begin the journey is free. DIPLite. And free Eqafe.com Interviews. Become the patience you would want for yourself.

Day 509 Facing the Paranoia of the Paranormal

In working with people recently, I noticed reactions within walking a simple process. I realize that the process can seem overwhelming when first presented. One response was, “ I am not as disciplined as you!” another was “ Why can’t the schools do this?” and yet another was “ O, That is a hard one!”  And then afterwards, with a family member, “ you don’t explain this well!” - this being a long rant about what words to use. I didn’t catch the undercurrent, as things are presented within projecting blame, moving what one does not want to face into any facet of reaction, this being screaming a blame, when that scream holds the answer to the problem, or reveals the overall fear. If they are projecting it outward are they really screaming a fear that they believe they lack this, especially when it has to do with slowing down and looking, no matter the context? Is the idea of slowing down and looking always/allways overwhelming at first? I mean, just think of having to learn some new physical action, one has to slow down and place awareness into it. Which means refocusing self. Slowing down and expanding awareness within sensing the measure of something in detail, is the means to an end,  and yet the change to such is like pulling teeth. All manner of resistance comes up. Like an LP record playing and the arm gets caught on the vinyl and drags across the surface emitting a heart piercing screech. I think parents go through this phase within facing change.  How to impart a structured, clear understanding that change is actually a joyful act when done with patience and starting out in small amounts, understanding that the first steps are bumpy, yet the stability is learned with each bump. Without the bumps how does one learn to steady oneself? So, a mistake, is a guide, not a punishment. A mistake leads to the reward of awareness in balance. Conversely, to use mistakes to ascend a ladder is really a crime against life, 

I was so busy trying to steady myself in this storm, I did not listen to the storm. lol.  My starting point was , “oh no, what have I done”. This is a paranoia of the paranormal.  

Day 253 Imagination Dimension Abdication Character

Imagination Dimension Abdication Character
When teaching children to play the violin, I would notice a change in focus, where self direction and attention were strong, in that things moved with more ease and immediate recognition.
I remember one girl, who was beginning to develop this, it was strong within her. And then in the next lesson she arrived wearing a dainty handbag/purse. I think the strap was a gold colored chain. I knew it was over, I had seen this before. The transition. The girly world had caught her attention, and unless the parents made note of this, she was going to fade and never return. Which is what happened. And it is hard to watch.
It is not that wanting to be a girl is bad, it is that this consumes and other areas are left behind. If it does not fit the picture, as what our society promotes, as personification of women, then it is more than likely left behind. The bling, the seeming enchanting image of the princess, the woman, is taken on with gusto, at the exclusion of all else.
What are our children focusing themselves into and as, within such limited designs? And is the personifications promoted within the figurines, as the very toys of play in childhood the beginning of such limited focus? What is promoted is a boy within war games and financial games, and with women the princess waiting for the knight, even the knight beneath the beast, where continues kindness and compassion and service to the beast will eventually bring out the man, the real man, and then the maiden will be saved. And the journey of putting up with the beast is commended. It seems an abuse coupled with a truth in some way, I mean abuse is abuse, let’s not elaborate it, justify it with with a patience in of supposed “good behavior.”
This is where the principle of oneness and equality comes in. What is best for all is best for all, period. There are no if’s, and’s, or but’s, period.
Spending time respecting anything else is really saying it is okay to follow through with a tantrum in self interest, and the tantrum is not being what is best for all. Any justifications to the contrary need be looked at immediately and simply stopped. Practice makes perfect. Digression is digression is digression. Let’s start calling a spade a spade, and not molly coddle the tantrums of our illusions.
A little girl of twelve or thirteen, suddenly taking the play of dress up out into the world, at the exclusion of everything else is limited. There is no way around this.
And we wonder why our children lack the kind of focus that brings success for all children within learning to use language and simple arithmetic in our schools. Could it be the very way in which what we have made huge, that is limited by design, what we uphold as personifications of self within education and media and family generational character values? These are a focusing onto something, and not the practice of self direction within a purpose that considers all life, and self as the same substance as life, as what is here. This is limited consideration, and even here, not everyone has the financial means to even live out what is the proposal of this monetary system, as what it promotes ( which collectively we all allow), thus presenting the unattainable for many. And what kind of behaviors would this create? Frustration? Dismay? Anger?
And then, ways and means of profiting on this inevitable lack are created. Prisons, where the prisoner of turned into a commodity for someone’s pension and another’s dividend. Instead of looking at the causation, what is looked at is how to profit from the consequence of this lack of development. Remember, let’s call a spade a spade. No tantrum of justification here, no sticky spinning of a spider web of protection against not looking at that spade as being a spade. Unerring humility in remaining steadfast within the principle of what is best for all, in thought, word and deed, with every breath is the only solution. Anything else is an imagination within self abdication, where the self abdication is protection and defense of the limited values learned as what has been accepted and allowed on this earth, as a tantrum of not wanting to look at the fact that a spade is a spade. The behavior of irritation is a behavior of not looking. The behavior of anger is not looking. The behavior of lust is not looking. The behavior of fear is not looking. Looking and focusing on here, moves with ease. Just as these children who had begun to focus from within, which is visible in a movement within playing the violin, with ease, where one small direction given in detail was more often than not immediately grasped, as though the focus was one and the same as an awareness of an ability to see the notes, and the physical body, and the sound being produced. Interesting, that with the very sound it was immediately noticeable how focused the child was.
And if this is visible as what I have noticed, then would not this be true with all people in all situations? And even within this, I am sure I lack awareness as to the extent within which this is possible. But the other way, the handbag on the shoulder ONLY presentation, is limited. It is a copy cat existence serving a profit system that promotes limited personifications to control ownership of the human in self interest. And we are all playing along unless we stop and realize what is best for all is best for self, as self is part of an organism called earth, and thus, would not self, allowed to be what self is as life, then find a place within this organism? I mean, nature is now coming up with super viruses to balance the earth out and rid itself of what is destructive, so this organism knows what is best for itself, and what the human is practicing and allowing on earth is not what is best for this planet. The human is not aware of itself as life, is not focused as itself as life, is not listening, is not looking, is only pretending within a superimposed dream of limited design.
So, within this, within myself, what imaginations have I accepted and allowed to distract the focus of myself here? Where am I not sounding myself clearly as life, where am I in separation from myself as life, where the very sound i make comes out thin and unfocused?
Where is my behavior not clear and steady, here and focused, without fear and doubt?
What commercial bling do I allow to distract me?
What is it within my own desires, wants and needs, are based on beliefs that really do not serve the purpose of what is best for all?
What do I fear in standing in common sense as what is best for all?
And in this day and age on earth, is there any more time to wait patiently for the beast to “get over it” ? No.
Anything that takes self away form focusing on what is here, in common sense is unacceptable.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the thoughts reeling around, in and as my mind, are one and the same as what is promoted through education, media and the limited values within family as survival tactics, where not all are to be seen as good or bad, as some are of a truth yet coupled with ignorance of what is here on earth in totality.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that as within so without, where what reels in and as my mind, is as much a halographic as the halographic images presented within television, media, societal behaviors, educational systemic inability to focus the human into and as being specific and clear within an understanding of self able to focus self as life and direct self as life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not look in detail as to how the mind works and how the present system on earth functions, to see, realize and understand the structure and form of what has been accepted and allowed by men on this earth, to understand that what is here is a tiered organization of values in separation from what is equal and one, in and as what all existent is as the very substance of, which is life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that emotions and feelings are a construct of accumulated beliefs that originate from a fear of standing as self as life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have emotions of self pity as I compare myself to what is presented as the “perfect” feminine form, fearing that I will not be able to survive unless I become this, and/or within this , to seek another value to become the support of myself here, such as believing that becoming an intellectual will bring survival success, which I then parade through purchasing my own comfort and security without standing up and realizing that all on this earth is the same as myself and thus why are not all existing within comfort and ease within and as self expression in and as life?
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how I have abdicated myself as life, into and as thinking only of my own survival without realizing that self interest within my own survival can never be stable, as there can be no stability or real life expression until all life on earth, as a single organism, is stable and supported within and as the value being life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to displace myself into and as limited personifications in oder to survive instead of asking myself the question as to why such projection exist instead of remaining here equal and one with what is physically here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that even within realizing I am play acting in order to survive, the guilt and shame within this, this that i hide and run from, is a separation from directing myself as what is best for all, as self direction as self as life, is this, and exists in and as a state of ease, thus, it is for myself to forgive myself for the “milk I have spilled” as guilt and shame and to stand and become life and to realign myself as life, equal and one, which means existing within and as what is best for all in humility, with no desire for gain and at the moment, a careful common sensical self direction within what is best for all, as at present the current system does not support life, and thus must the current system be stood up within and directed within what is best for all.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how the mind in fact functions on a quantum level, where the mind takes pictures laced with what is presented, and what is presented serves an agenda in self interested survival only with an ignorance of what is the source and substance of what is here as this physical world, equal and one in all existent which is life, where television commercials distort reality in favor of a limited viewpoint and thus draw attention to an agenda in self interest for the support of a few, where television could be used to bring life, as the human, back to self as life, here, thus it is not what is here as it is how what is here is used in self interest, thus is a limited design presented in ignorance of the totality of life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my own guilt and shame within and as fear of standing as myself as life, will take some practice as I have not been taught to move as myself as life , here, having taken on the present limited system of values, and attempted to use this for my own survival, and when it worked I was feeling better than those around me, and when it did not work, I went into self pity, shame, spite and blame, anger and fear, and thus only went from one polarityto another in separation from focusing on what is actually physically here in and as life, as I allowed myself to exist as mind only.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to have realized the halo-graphic spinning of thoughts in and as my mind, as being of limited values, and in paying attention/obeisance to this, I was in fact fearing to stand as myself as life, here, to focus myself in and as life here.
I forgive myself myself for allowing and accepting myself to have feared standing as myself as life, in fear of losing friends, losing family, losing survival - as in having money, losing security and comfort ( which in common sense at the moment, to not realize that not having money means I will be unable to stand within this system to make a change- thus it is to use what i am here within common sense to be directed within and as what is best for all as creating a system that supports all life - so that life can begin), losing some idea of myself as a “face value” only, and within this to see that that which stands the test of time, meaning that which is constant and stable, is myself as life, where the irony is that that which I fear is that which is eternal.

I commit myself to, when and as I sense a heaviness in and as emotion and feeling, to stop and to breath, and to bring myself here, to look at the details of what is physically here, and to direct myself within and as moving within the principle of what is best for all.
I commit myself to , when and as I imagine being criticized as I had been as a child, to stop and to breath, and to see, realize and understand how the mind works, and how this present system of inequality functions, to no longer allow myself to participate within a self destructive belief within an endgame emotion, and to forgive the limitation as such a belief of less than, and to direct myself in common sense of what is physically here.
I commit myself to seeing  , realizing and understanding that within myself within self abdication, I exist within shame based on beliefs and ideas that are a endgame, which is a belief within a fear/survival mind set, as existing within fear/survival all that is seen is death, and thus a lack of understanding of the substance of life, of a real faith in life, where being here equal and one as life means respecting life as the physical, and any and all transformations inherent within and as life, as such transformations would be done in awareness as life would not deny itself awareness, as the nature of life would be full participation and full potential reached, and thus what is here, within destruction of this earth is not life, as suicide is not life, dis-ease is not life, life would expression.
I commit myself to no longer fear the presentation of a judgment, an endgame, a limitation, an aspect made huge, as what I was led to believe as a definition of myself as a child and as a woman, a mother, a widow, as the personalities of my own warped reality, which I accepted and allowed in self abdication as life within a fear/survival system, to see, realize and understand the petrification of life here on earth by men, in thought, word and deed as belief, opinion and idea, in media and education, in gender play and culture formation and to stop and to breath and to stand within the principle of oneness and equality, here, and within this to direct myself within what is best for all.
I commit myself to, when and as I abdicate my self as life into such an allowance of myself as shame, blame or spite, to see, realize and understand in what way, as my thoughts, words and deeds, as direction and reaction, from my self or - as what is me without- to realize what values are made huge within utilizing contextual social values as a support in self interest within what is taught as a means of survival within behavior, to not take it personally, but to realize such self interested within a fear/survival system behavioral teachings/tactics and to take this back to self and realign within and as what is best for all, as this is the choice, the only choice, in and as support of all life in consideration as equal and one to and as myself here to be eternally in support of life, where life is the value, equal and one as what I am.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that to abdicate myself as life is to allow ideas, opinions and beliefs supporting constructs of more than and less than, as limited values placed in a system where man is a more-than in relation to this earth, where divisions within this separation continue such more- than scenarios, as societal behaviors within class, gender, race, culture, on which taboos of moving beyond proper behaviors are accepted and allowed, to see, realize and understand that many of the reactive fears within and as my imagination journeys of impending doom and gloom have no real basis within and as being able to support all life, consider all life, as life being the value, and that such emotional/feeling storms as a collection of thoughts based on beliefs, opinions and ideas are fearing the survival suit of taught behaviors in separation from life, from equality and oneness in and as life, here, where the mind as an image tool has been used by each individually to hide from facing self as life, and in replication of this inner allowance by men, into and as a system without that repeats what is held as what self believes self is, as personification, as a warped reality of values, divided and separated and limited and them blanketed onto and as all men, accepted and allowed by men, this construct a nature of more than and less than, which is the behavior of mankind on an organism of life, as earth, where man is in total separation from this earth as a manifestation of life, here.

Desteni

Equal Money

Eqafe  

Free Eqafe Interviews

Journey To Life

Heaven's Journey To Life

Creation's Journey To Life

Earth's Journey To Life

Day 141 Facing the fear to look. JourneyToLife

Dream (Photo credit: Nagatta(나같아) Very busy)

The Safety of Fear (Photo credit: Alyssa L. Miller)

English: There is no fear, until we make it up. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true.” (Photo credit: Mark J P)

I Can't Bare to Look (Photo credit: Rennett Stowe)

I met  woman yesterday, with whom I talked. As I talked with her, I noticed this really uneasy feeling, and fear. Her presentation to me was  seemingly agreeable. But I was extremely uneasy and had a hard time looking at her. 

Like I am looking at her, and presenting a happy face, but at the same time becoming overwhelmed with a feeling of bitterness, and anger, and spite. A lot of spite.

I breath, I realize that under this is fear. I continue to breath.

I realize, we, the human, are composed of emotions and feelings, and thoughts, and that these emotions and feelings and thoughts, are based on experiences from our past, and conditioning of environment, all of it as it presently exists within a system of inequality.

I remember this same thing, being this same way as a child within facing people. I am terrified - so to speak, the only different is that I have learned to compose myself with supposed civility. 

But it is as thought the unresolved fear is there. This un-walked through fear, that is really an illusion, or the allowance of this fear, believing it to be real, has no value, is simply non directive.

I breath, I must take in all that is of this, it is the only way through, and there is no going back.

It is like feeling the pain of this woman, of all that she is, and then I remember the point in high school where I stopped looking, to learn to have the personification to fit in the social chatter, to appear to be social. I remember the difficulty breathing within this, as I know I am only concentrating on limited values, and not seeing all that is,  I am ignoring why there is even a need to approach such a scenario in this way in the first place. I mean, why is this even existent? Think about it, this means something is amiss in and as itself. Period.

And we all have done this. I watched my son do this this summer, and I could see his breathing was in “gulps” and not in ease. The slightest physical movement can reveal constriction. Try playing the violin, any constriction makes it more difficult. Especially, when I know the notes can be read as a whole, flying over the staff, reading the notes. This cannot be done so well, in constriction, as the body tenses and the focus must then be on this constriction to get this to relax.

The ease “state” and the “constriction” state determine reading ability, and I am sure this is related to being, to reading what is here, physically here, and to what ever language is being read, be it numbers of words, and form that is here. Constriction is fear, physical constriction, a pulling back instead of a directing of self. So to speak. It is no wonder, the eddies of fear, turning into avoidance, can cause so much discord within communication and understanding between people, and things.

Back to this woman. I did not want to see her, I did not want to see this spite. A feeling of sadness comes up, at the idea of this being here, as what caused this, as why this is.  And realizing that being this sadness, not good or bad, is not a solution, cannot become an endgame, the end of the line as it is not. So move through it. And this woman, is as physically thick as she is thick with an undercurrent of emotion. I don’t even know where to begin. This is a momentary meeting. I breath and  speak words of gratitude and leave.

I keep breathing.

Judging is not a solution, this is another “end of the line” act, and not a solvent, not what removes what is compounded within this woman, and or myself, judgement as a sign fixed in stone, remove the dis-ease, the undercurrent of dis-ease. And I cannot do this for this woman, she must find this and do this for herself. No one can put her back together again but herself. She must walk through her own construction. If she chooses, I can aid her in seeing her construction, but i cannot be the actual doing of this for her. Theory alone does not work, it must be actually lived.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my thoughts, emotions and feelings are but the separations of myself into and as devices to justify  my own ignorance of life here, and that what is here, as life , is the value, where the fear is a smokescreen, as a belief that something can be lost, the the fear s the separation, initially caused in childhood, as a child is trapped within lack of an ability to communicate and the bullying of the adult who is already in separation from life, having abdicated self as a child as well, in order to survive, which is the family generating that which is a fear of self as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all thoughts are actually minuscule, and can only determine what I am if I accept and allow them as all that exists within a moment, not realizing that I am a creator of life, and thus can take what is here and align it with what is best for all, within the principle of give as I would like to receive, supporting all life, as one and equal to me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to to feel that dealing with others emotions is tedious, and impossible, even my own, and thus just want to run away and do something like read a book, tend to a garden, and or exist away from the chaos of emotions and discord.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow this idea of “dealing with the discord” as mind , to be something that is huge.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that “dealing with the discord”  as mind, is a burden.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an idea that dealing with the discord of the mind, within and without, is a burden, is too huge to face, is too difficult to face, is more than I can handle.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a feeling of anger, an emotional reaction as anger to and towards this emotional program as the mind consciousness system, not wanting to deal with this, not wanting to speak up about this to and towards others as the response will be one of reaction, as fear of death of self as mind, as memory, as idea , belief and opinion, as want , need and desire, which means that I myself remain fearful within facing what has been accepted and allowed as mind in separation from life, just as fear came up when talking with this woman, the woman with an undercurrent of spite, as fear.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this idea of “not wanting to face” what is compounded within, a repetition of reactions during childhood, as energetic responses imbedded within and as the human physical body, through the dna of parents, is not life in full potential expression, but separations from self as life, a division and conquer of the human, as what life accepted and allowed in separation from the realization that what is one and equal within and as all, is the substance of life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the mind is a tantrum of opposites, looping around from one pole to another, and thus not a mechanism that can solve the opposition, and when this is made huge, the realization that the mind is the divide from life, as what it is as thoughts, that eventually compound into emotions and feelings,  that thus, within this, the mind is the signifier of separation and not what is real, where through breath and self forgiveness as life, the mind can be realized for the limited viewpoint it is in fact, and realized for the tiny storm in a teacup that it is in fact.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that we, the human, have told ourselves that we are aware of the mind, in the halos we have painted around the heads of supposed saints.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there are many instances where the human has spoke of a bubble being around humans, and thus it is not something new, or unbelievable, that there is an existential bubble around each of us, and given the state of this world, it is evident that we have not taken care of this world, and thus we are not one and equal to this world, as we have not found, existed as, that which is best for all, thus have we not found the absolute solution to what supports life, thus any statement of “that is the way it is” must be a program of this bubble, serving self interest, as it is not self as life, where self as life, is the actual being of self as life, realizing self as life as being one and equal to all that is here on earth, because all that is here on earth is of the same substance, life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that there is nothing to fear, there is only becoming one and equal to life, walked practically through standing up and supporting a practical system that supports all life, as the structures are existent on earth to distribute resources to support what is here, at this point, to begin to realign life to be, accept and allow life to reach its potential as life, and this is supporting an equal money system.

I commit myself to breathing, to walking myself into and as self awareness as life, as being equal to all that is here, and thus within this to realize that there need be no fear, as all that is here is to allow self realization, where it is only the mind, as belief, opinion and idea that separates myself from equality as life.

I commit myself to breathing, to remaining here, and even when I cannot see the answer that is always there, as life, right in front of me, I stop and I breath and I do not allow myself to judge, to end within judgement, to begin to move myself as life, one and equal to what is here, to become a self perfected being as what i am, becoming in alignment with what I am as life, here.

I commit myself to breathing, to remaining here, within and as patience and humility, to stand within and as breath, to move myself as life as breath,  to remembering myself to life through the fear as the illusion as the separation, to realize that fear is only an existential non-seeing of what is real of what is here, of what we are all one and equal to and as, which is life, the substance that is what is here in totality.

The Journey to Life blogs, to bring all the pieces of self back together again, stopping the mind, removing the halo, the bubble.

Desteni I Process, to walk, with a buddy, self back to life.

Products to understand self, the Atlanteans - the history of mankind

The creation of the mind.

Life Review series, to realize separation and the consequences thereof.

The practical solution Equal Money

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey To Life

Earth's Journey To Life

A playlist of documentaries

Pinterest list of articles  and videos on out current environment

Join Equal Money on Twitter, support the word of equality

Related articles

• Day 120 The voices of the past.
• Day 124 Bearing no witness to what is real.
• Day 109 Castle in the Sky
• Day 39: Can You Overcome The Fear of DEATH ?
• Day Ninety-Five: A Journey into Life - "Paranoia" Character
• 113. Who am I within Judging Communication?