Day 29: Family is home.

My family is here, mother’s day, mother and sister came, sons are home. All in one day. My self, I become so aware of trying to communicate and remain here with ease and I find my self  trying to bridge a gap away from creating more patterns of separation, to not react but to direct, through not reacting. Meanwhile, this sense of being depressed comes, where as heaviness comes that is my self not expressing my self, as though this is not allowed. So, it is just trying to not become this, to use common sense to be here with what is real and to realize that this is all I can do, is be here and not allow any emotions and feelings and thoughts of judgement that are past on perceptions of inferiority and superiority to be real, to not measure and compare, as this is only the mind in separation from my self as being an expression of life, to realizing that all that is here is my self in another life, and thus one and equal to me here. So I breath. Even though I may not know where to go in common sense, hanging onto a more than or less than belief is simply not an option. It is more of, “ not going there into judgement,”  as though this “tiger” must be tamed and realized.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that there is a personality of my self that is all that there is, and that this is what is real.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to take the conversation, the small talk about how and why things are, what they are, and how they move, from family members as something to combat, or feel inferior to, or take as a threat, or react to, or judge as a waste of time.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to want effects as reactions and responses from family members.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to feel I am in a state of simply not allowing any emotional reactions to come up as this is my self as my mind and thus my self existing in my past, based on memories that are self judgements of more than and less than, inferiority and superiority.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to at times speak to validate my self,  which is my self validating a personality as an idea based on my past.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that at the moment it is enough to simply not be a reaction,to not take things personally and to stand up from this habit of taking things personally.

I commit my self to not taking things personally.

I commit my self to breathing through any reactions and to stand here without allowing my self to react to what is said by others within my world at the moment.

I commit my self to remaining here in breath, to being gentle with my self and facing what I allow my self to exist as emotionally and to realize this is based on ideas of more than and less than, and thus not what is real, not what is directive as what is best for all, to clean up what has existed as relationships separate from the principle of what is best for all, here.

I commit my self to remaining calm and directed with my self, to bring everything back to self, and directing my self from the principle of oneness in equality, to what is best for all, as I remain and move in and as breath while my sons are here for the next few days.

I commit my self to not becoming sad about what has been accepted and allowed within the role of my self as a mother within a system of profit, of all the beliefs and ideas that has been the movement of my self within a role geared towards the support of survival, competition and thus comparison leading to fragmented personality development and not an awareness of what has been allowed on this earth and thus a lack of awareness of my self as life, and the self that is what is my sons as themselves as life, where this sadness is not a solution and must be forgiven as the only choice is to realize what has been accepted and allowed, to forgive, and to correct within the principle of what is best for all is best for self.

I commit my self to not allowing my self to seek a positive experience where i am validated within the choices I make, and to use such desires to reveal my own separations of believing something is lost, or can be lost, and to direct my self not as mind, but through breathing and remaining here, where just as I continue to breath life into and as my human physical body, so will I breath life into what is here, through remaining within breath before speaking, as the only response is as what is best for all.

Day 28 Spiteful interaction as mind.

Day 28: 

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear that I have said something wrong to another person when I speak with them.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that if another person does not smile and agree with me in an open and warm manner than I have said something that was “not right.”

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that have I any kind of judgement about another person without knowing the details of their life, and an understanding of the system that exists on this earth I cannot make a judgement about them or think a thought that I “have said something wrong.” as this is making an assumption without any kind of understanding about that person, and if anything it is like a gossip in my mind denigrating the other person or my self, which in the same thing, as I am having an expectation as response from them to validate my self and or thinking they are weird, which is just thinking they are weird without any understanding, and thus this in all common sense, is of no sense, is petty and self centered, like I believe I am some centralized thing, much like our centralized government that in fact, just like the mind, moves in the interest of money before life,  and as can be scene with the number of homeless Americans in a land with 24 empty homes to every homeless person, and stories of the government mortgage offers being a bait and switch scenario.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that the mind will fear and blame, and hate and denigrate, and think something is weird instead of looking at what actually exists in this world.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to react to another person who does not respond in a specific way towards me when I meet them in public, which is indicative of existing in a one dimensional mind, where all that is sought is a positive high, a validation of self with no consideration of how and why this person and my self is behaving in such a way,  where this is self seeking a positive experience, wanting some kind of validation that really has no substance.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to actually have felt spite for this woman, where I watched my self go into this and I realized that this was my self as my mind, that this is what is under my self as the conscious mind separating my self from what is actually physically here, two people meeting and greeting one another, this action not necessitating any kind of thought of more than or less than in any way, as what should exist in this earth is all that is here working together and able to express joy in every moment as life, as that is what is here, a physical world that is life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that making a comparison to another person is not an expression of joy towards the seeing/meeting of another person as life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that when I see a fat person on the street and have the singular thought that that person is fat and how could that person be like that I am blaming that person without taking into consideration how the food that exists in this earth moves in the interest of profit and does not support life, where this person has not the will or education or finances to support themselves with any kind of understanding of their human physical body, which they would more than likely have to figure out themselves within this system as what the system promotes is not supportive of health, were it so than this world would he in a state of health.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that many people cannot read well enough to process language, and their ability to use language is very limited, thus they have a hard time reading something that is not of their conditioned vocabulary that was learned at a young age, and is dependent on culture and class background, which means that our education system has not developed our children beyond a certain framework, where should our education system do such a thing, a profit based system of gross inequity on this planet would probably no longer exist, thus, this non development of the human, is to support inequity, thus money comes before life, before the development of life on this planet.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that there are many people who realize that what they are told to do within their jobs is not what is best for all, yet they fear losing their jobs, thus this total system must change to turn this world into a world that supports all life, that practices only that which supports health on this planet.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting myself to see that an ever present desire for sex is the desire for an energetic fix, and that walking around thinking about sex every seven minutes indicates that there is seriously something wrong with this world, where the majority of people cannot even play a musical instrument and actually believe that they have no talent, when the human physical body can be developed and even the ability to sense what is here thus such a belief also indicates that what exists here is non development of the human on this earth.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see that perhaps, as my ability to sense has not been developed, there is a lot more to this world than I can fathom, that perhaps there is a mind consciousness system within that I have accepted and allowed as the directive of my self as I am addicted to energetic highs and lows, which is what sex in essence is, and the seeking of this is in separation of my self and is my self in abdication of my self as life, which is the state of this world, as this world is built by the hands of men in the likeness and image of man, and man is in his present development in a state of dis ease, where what is often stated is the exception to the rule, meaning something can be done and that one person managed, yet this “exception to the rule.” is actually backwards and indicates that what one human can be in development should be what all humans are in development, where the real question is, “ Why is there a system on this earth that does not develop all humans to full capacity?”

Thus, I commit my self to no longer accepting and allowing my self to exist as a singular happy face person, fearful of actually researching and discovering how this world functions.

I commit my self to  using simple common sense and stopping any and all reactions towards what I see in my world and standing up and  using my breath to center my self here in and as this physical world, away from the desire to compare and criticize what i see in this world and realizing i am one and equal to what exists here, where in common sense a righteous reaction will do nothing and what needs be done is for this world to stand up as a group and reorganize this world into a system that supports all life using the form of the structure of politics to vote in a system that never ever ever ever allows inequality in development of the life that exists in this earth.

I commit my self to supporting and equal money system, to learn to read, to learn to speak, to learn to understand this world, so that when I face another person, plant or animal, I do not go into a comparative competitive reaction of win and lose but am able to approach all that is here in joy as life, as this is what life for gives, it is only up to the human to stand up and stop the mind the indicator of how we have separated ourselves from life.

I commit my self to reading blogs walking the 7 year journey to life so that no man, woman, child, plant, animal lives a life of limited expression and can be joy as life with every breath.

7 year journey to life

desteni

History of Mankind

The Atlanteans

Day 27 I forgive my self for allowing and accepting...

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear my self to not realize that my self is here and has separated from my self as life, to follow apiece of self in separation, dragging self in separation along with me where ever I go.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that the separation is sustainable as it is not.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to have this feeling of fear of loss would I not allow my self to become my self here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to constrict , to hold back, to ignore, to accept  a limited view point in an effort to survive, in and effort to “get along with” in an effort to “belong” to the limited insight within a mirage, where confusion sets in and is one and the same inaction as the confusion with energy has no sustenance and places one in perpetual wanting and needing and grasping, a state ill of ease, lacking ease, where one learns to stand upright in a spinning mirage and the effort cannot be sustained and in time it all fall down, which is what happens to men on this earth, they all fall down back into the ground, back into what was real, the physical world.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that the lack of ease is my self within my own separations attempting to remain upright and the effort becomes increasingly more difficult.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to look for answer within the mirage, and to not take the whole of the mirage and see it for what it is, a separation from self.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to step out of the vertigo once and for all, to stop and breath and to use my feet to walk away, to realize the constriction.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to  not stop and see the picture show of my mind as a mirage, to see through this mirage and see it for a finite storm in eternity that is is, and clean off this windshield to bring my self back to eternity as self as life here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to allow my eyes to follow the mirage, the infinity movement of the mirage, as my eyes follow the story from less to more, and to bring my self back here to my self one and equal to this physical body.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that this mirage is heavy, disrupts my breathing, causes a sense of falling, just like being on a roller coaster,a weight in the back, a heaviness in the legs, a lust in the groin,  and in fact is not present and here, as the sensation creates, so evident in the aging of people around me, the elderly who can no longer walk on the ground of this earth with certainty, not realizing that there is definitely something wrong with no longer being able to sense the ground, what “god” would do such a thing?

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that the love of something outside of my self can possible bring stability.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize that as I am one and equal to all that exists as all that exists is of the same substance, there is no need for me to seek love outside of my self, or to even question love, as I am life and it is being here as life as this simple being that is what love is, thus to ask for love, to expect love is a fantasy separate from self, an illusion.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to attach a picture to love.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to story life in a mirage, to store my self as a mirage within and as my self instead of remaining here in breath, one and equal to myself here as what I am as substance as life one and equal to all that is here as all that is here is life and thus in common sense , that which I separate into and become a seeker of a fucking impossible dream, that will only lead to a “falling down” as it is not real, the rings of the story told in repetition surround me, like the rings of a tree, that are a “when” as mind illusory and unsustainable.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see that attempting to stand within this mirage wrecks havoc on my human physical body, as the constant vigilance of standing within a storm consumes my self here and only lights up the bubble of the mind, like I am some lightbulb, where eventually, just as a wick on a candle turns white and into ash, so will the very hair on my head turn white and become ash.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear my own separations, my own illusions as mind, my own ego and that ego dispersement is difficult when actually it is just an illusion.

I commit my self to turning breath into joy.

I commit my self to breathing in joy as in common sense and sharing this common sense with all that is here within the principle of oneness in equality here.

I commit my self to breathing in awareness until every speak of constriction is removed, opened up and brought back to self, to clean up the mirage of my mind, to realize  that until this is done I cannot walk here in this earth in full awareness.

I commit my self to not fearing my illusory self created mirage of story perpetuating emotions and feelings and to simply stop this and rasa the tabula.

I forgive my self to my self and not the mirage, I stop and look at the mirage, and I say to my self that this is not real, it is the separation into all that is accepted and allowed by the present system on this world, and provides absolutely no self directed capacity, only a limited insight within a infinite design and not the constant that is life that is eternity.

I commit myself to breath and not a mirage of love, as love as mind is fear.

I commit myself to bringing others to seeing the bubble around our children that are so moved by lights that they can not read the words on a page, where the schools have no capacity to see this as there is no sense of the physical, that which is real, thus are our schools full of teachers who only see the limited design of the minds, thus are the blind teaching the blind.

I commit my self to sharing the fact that all tumors are filled with pesticides, the filth of mankind spewed on this earth in the name of profit and ownership, interest for the few without any consideration for this earth, this earth of the physical world, a technology of far greater power than any greed for profit earth divided resource ripped from this earth in the name of the human unaware of his separation from that which is the very substance that is what supports, life, this life waiting for man to wake up and realize life, where the earth will end as the resource is consumed with out consideration in equality and oneness, that which the earth is, that which is the physical that which gives unconditionally.

I commit my self to speaking in common sense, asking questions of why where if the response is of irritation and the words, “ I don’t know,” or “ No one can know that,” I speak up and simply say, “ in all common sense what father would not want their child to be able to stand in full awareness of itself?” 

Somebody help me understand?

Day 26 My Fear is my Want

My fear is a want. The policemen becoming one with the action of the bum as the policemen are one and equal to the bum, as the police men joined with like being of themselves, as they are no different than the bum, as they have separated themselves from life just as the bum has, one through denial of system, the other through acceptance of system, where neither actually stand within as the system and transpose this system to what is best for all, to themselves becoming self honest and in being self honest becoming one and equal to life, life being what is best for all, that which allows self autonomy as life, where what is discovered is that what is best for self is best for life. Thus a system that disallows autonomy disallowed the discovery of life/self to realize the ability of self to direct self as self as this would be the direction of what is best for all.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear my self, to fear discovering my self, as this would mean looking at how I have allowed a system of separation, a system that dis-allows self autonomy, self discovery, self honesty, to no longer have control, where this entire system of disallowing self autonomy is so embedded as perceived and “only” method of support, as nothing else has been presented, is all that is seen, where the fear of loss of means of support as money, that changing this system is feared, as there would be no way to place food on the table, where everyone is waiting for someone else to stand up, and thus no change will come because it will take everyone to stand up, where this is the catch twenty-two, the symbol representing the separation of self into mind where self is a “2” where all the beings in separation as no longer being a one, are bound within a system they believe supports them, when in fact it is a system that develops separation and it this realization that must occur , realized and removed as in simply standing up and politically stopping this system through voting, where there is no need to radically change one’s life, but to simply stand up and support an equal money system to relax the catch as what has been accepted and allowed and from here be able to begin the development of man, of this world, to self realize the ability of each and everyone of us to understand this world, and the physical, becoming self hONEest, and thus automatically/autonomously self directing as life as all as one as equal here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize, thus to knot reality as this being of self is as an unawareness of reality, into an illusion of blame, of self pity, of self hate as what I have allowed my self to be, is a lack of understanding self as life, and thus in  the instability of my self in separation of self hONEsty I have no solid common ground, common sense to support me as life, as all that is here is life, and I exist in an illusion of the mind, that is placing conditioned separations as what is real as what is promoted by the current existent system as what is, where all sense of my self as life is never developed so what is left is a life of no substance and no support, on dependency to non directive, non self automating development, this non awareness that self has the capacity to learn and understand this physical world, where this is known, and thus to stop the discovery of self as life, plastered all over this world are directions that in essence are direction of self separation.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not take the time to stop and to breath, and to realize this, where is I took the time to stop and to breath, and to understand the monetary system on this earth I would in a short period of time realize how unsupportive this system is for any kind of self awareness development in equal capacity for all life in this earth.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see that I cannot make political statements without understanding how money moves in this world.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that as I seek money, as what I obsess over and wish for and want, as this is how I survive within this world, to say I do not understand the monetary system yet can make statements about political groups, indicates that I cannot understand politics unless I realize that everyone on this earth is dependent on money to survive and thus the very movement of politics is also about money, as all of this world is obsessed with money because money is how humanity receives sustenance as food and shelter and water, the middle man of existence taking a cut.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see, hear, and realize that without money I cannot survive in this world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting my self to understand that within a profit based system the illusion of lack must be created to de-man(d) life into fear of survival, and then within this fear as what man becomes, where man is blinded, a supply of life sustenance can be given, where this sustenance is grabbed and in this frenzy not even looked at for what is is, where what is given can be again divided to partially sustain a person, limiting self development, where the state of limited development can become all that is known and all that is lived, as self will know of nothing else, only have momentary sense of something being missing, yet what returns , as this has been made huge, is the desire to have money to survive.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that I cannot understand how a debt based system in fact works, where debt is economic enslavement to a system where money  represents resource, as resource that is of this earth, an earth that gives unconditionally, and thus cannot be owned, yet I can be deceived into believing that this can be owned, as a monetary value is placed in this earth, and thus my earth, my possessions become a commodity for survival  as monetary value only, instead of the substance of life that it is where I in allowing this and following this become this instead of realizing my self as the substance of life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not understand that all debt is in the hands of the people, while the value and ownership of the resource as the money is resource transposed into a “sign,”   is then able to be  allowed to move or withdrawn within this society, to create conflict and lack and a mass of people blaming one another for this lack as the stories in the media, the media being supported by those who hold the real value ( which is simply a transposed value), promote relative cause and effect scenarios instead of absolute value causes and effects as seeing the whole of the present system on this earth and how this system by it very nature, creates the existent nature of mankind on earth, a “nature” that is man in separation and suspended-non-self-development  that is man in diminishment lost in relative awareness and not absolute awareness that all that is here on this earth is composed of the substance of life that which supports and is the equality of all of us.

Thus, I commit my self to speaking up again and again and again until my last breath the nature of this system that has become the nature of mankind on this earth in separation from self as life, as what is best for self is what is best for all.

I commit my self to revealing the limited nature of man as mind ,where many cannot even see of a painting is done from a photograph or from the actual physical world, where this subtle difference is tangible and can reveal the non ability of mankind to be able to sense this physical world  and the depth of insight available to each and every one of us, as what we are as life is able and capable to understand this physical world and become aware of ourselves as life, where what is best for self is best for all as this is life.

I commit my self to transposition my self away from only existing as mind.

I commit my self to realizing that my wants reveal my separations from my own self hONEsty as life.

I commit my self to not fearing my fear, as my fear is my separation and thus the very door to my self discovery , where i can bring my self back to self and stop my self existing in the bling of the energetic existence of myself separate from what is real, this physical world and my ability to common sense the life that is this physical world.

I commit my self to realizing that I have made my separations from life bigger than what is this physical world.

I commit my self to breath and realizing my fears are my separations, where my love is my addiction to habituated ideas of what is more than and less than, when what is more than and less than is what was taught as this was believed to be what one needed to survive and that my fears are what I believe I cannot in essence sense when such a statement cannot be real, as all that is here is life,one and equal as the substance of life, thus to say I cannot sense, as I am life, is a clear indication that something makes no sense, where even in the words “makes no sense” one can see the answer, that this present system makes/created/develops NO SENSE ability, removes/diminishes sense, eliminates the capacity of self as life, as life is what all is, to be itself which is life, thus how cannot  essence not sense itself as it is as all that is?

Equal Money System - Vote!

Structural Resonance Alignment

Day 25 Who I am within the mechanism of a world system.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to allow my self to believe that the present system of profit on this earth determines the behavior of my self, that who I am as my self in self direction is influenced by what has been allowed to exist as a system of inequality here on this earth.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize that the stories  in and as my mind are a collection of all the experiences in and as my past that when I become fearful and worried about money, I turn into one long sob story, where I am caught in a storm as images as a story in and as my mind, which I entertain my self with and become some kind of superior hero of justice, which is all an illusion of my mind that has no practical application or solution within this world as this action as my self, accepted and allowed is more of the same actions and behaviors accepted and allowed within a system that does not support life, a system that is of survival and fear.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not see immediately that this being of my self as a story that is a collection of all the experiences from my past, that are judgements of blame and self pity and fear, based on a desire to survive and or escape from what has been accepted and allowed within my self and this world as I have been taught to measure this world as more than and less than, instead of learning to see that this world is life, and that the substance of this world is life, and that this substance as life has in no way been taught as what we are here, as creators of life where what is learned is to enjoy this substance that is life that is what is here in such a way to be able to express ourselves as life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to interact with others as though I am in some kind of competition as this is what is taught to become more than another, to follow certain presentations of self to ensure that one survive and earn money to maintain a position within this world where one can survive in this system of more than and less than where money determines who lives and who dies, where the substance as what is here that is what is here in essence is, is not taught to use as what we are as life and within this where we learn to respect and move with and as, equal to, one with, as this is what we are in essence as this is what is life.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to not fear what is in the mind and to simply see it as a collection of images and ideas and thoughts and desires and wants and needs all based on my past, a collection of fears, desires, wants and needs based on ideas, and opinions, as to what I must be to become a person of supposed meaning within this system of competition and survival within a system of inequality that supports division of self into behaviors of being a winner or a loser where what has happened is the self as mind is the conquered by a system of limited design that does not realize the equality and oneness of life as the substance of life is what is here as all that is here one and equal.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see, hear, and realize the equality of all that is here as this earth and within this to realize that elimination and destruction of anything of this earth, as suppressing the expression of what is here on this earth is one and the same as the suppression of self, as this earth is, in totality as a whole an entity in and as life, where the total expression of life cannot be realized until all on this earth is directing itself in awareness of itself as life, one and equal to all that is here that is of the same substance.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize and see and understand that interaction with what is here, be it plant, animal or human is to allow my self to be an expression of life as my self, where if I allow my self to exist as mind I disallow life through becoming the limitation of the mind that functions as a data bank of knowledge and information, as imagery, thoughts, ideas, opinions, beliefs that move as singular forma as a chain if limited beliefs that have no sense of this earth.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see and hear and sense as my self in equality and oneness with what is here that the expression of my self is directive in commonsense of the whole, where an image cannot be a “common sense of the whole” as it is  limited.

I forgive my self for not allowing my self to realize that any image in and as my mind will be a simplified image as personification of my past where if I look to the history of the image I will see all the experiences of my past that were my self in separation of life, and that this image is a collection of all the values imposed onto me by the culture in which I was born, the required  manners, role play, beliefs, opinions, ideas, god-worship (warship), judgements of class and educational development, sexual preferences, gender projections etc. that I can also use to weave a story to entertain my self in and as my mind continuing the separation of my self from life.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize my own common sense to become the director of my self as this self aware of what is best for all as the who I am as life in equality and oneness with life.

I commit my self to stopping any story, image, as a collection of my past in and as my mind and to remain here in breath, breathing, here.

I commit my self to bringing back to self the images in and as my mind as what I allow to separate my self as life, and to do writing, self forgiveness and corrective application to remove the fear of my self as life standing in what is best for all.

Life reviews

The Interconnectedness between thoughts energy and light.

Equal Money System

Day 24- De-press-I-on, Forgiving the Past.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to exist as a memory of my past, of what I believe I have lost, when I am here as life as this is the value which cannot be lost.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to hold onto the feelings and emotions and thoughts of the past where I long for the past when this is existing as the past and not being present here, which is my self not valuing life here, where if I am in my mind as the past I cannot be here equal and one with this physical “here” world and thus I cannot realize this physical world because I am in my mind in the past.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear change because I fear losing my past.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that the past is real.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to, in existing in my past, in holding onto my past - be it family history, familiar “territory,” perceived social economic situation,  event memories- I make the memory of the past a collection of more than less than values and become this instead of being here with this physical world.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that in existing as my mind as more than and less than values I have in fact never really been here, were I actually here, then there would be no past as all life is here and memory and believed loss are assembled parts of life collected into a photo album in and as my mind and existing as this is not being here one and equal to life, as the need to hold onto the past creates a fear of loss and a situation of death, as the past as mind as memory will have to stop in oder for self to be here one and equal to life, where the value of life as understanding life, this physical world, becoming one and equal to this physical world is being here, where nothing can be lost as one is one and equal to the substance of life as life and this is the value, where nothing can be lost.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to become so myopic in using the past to believe and sustain an image of what I am that I devalue other aspects of life as I compare them to a past and thus limit my self of discovery and within this, understanding of this physical world.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that I have changed environment many times and each time I have discovered something new, thus remaining here, as presence here,  is allowing my self to discover new insights into this physical world and my self as what I am able to be and exist as here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to feel that it is sad to lose the past, when it is actually depressing onto the ability of my self to be here in existing as my past and that this very “depressing” onto me as carrying my past becomes a burden that stops the being of my self here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to entertain my self with memories of my past as I believe these memories are what i am, when what I am is my self here as life and thus who I am is what I am as self here, present and here equal and one here, with and as the substance of my self as life, that which cannot be lost unless I perpetually exist as my past.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to occupy my self with a tiny piece of my self as my past when 99% of life is here, as being present here, equal and one with this physical world here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that just as my accepted and allowed memories depress me from being here as I have made them seem real and bigger than life, so too are there many “de-pressing “ actions within and as this world, where the ability to realize this physical world and to become one and equal to this physical world, as being here, the human physical body is not cared for - given what it needs to sustain itself in a state of health, where our education system actually develops memory “de-press-i-ons to limit the capacity of a human to exist here equal and one with this physical world where the self, equal and one to a physical body can become one and equal to this physical world and thus have an understanding of this physical world and how this physical world function, where should this exist there wold be no more inequality with some having more than others as it would be realized that the value is self as life, one and equal.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that here it is easy to go into blame and anger which is another trick of the mind to cause a storm of energy that is not my self here directing my self here one and equal to this physical world and understanding what has been accepted and allowed as a system of “de=press-i-on” of beliefs, opinions and ideas that give more and less value to what is here as life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that in existing as pictures of my past, in and as my mind, I become accustomed ( s custom ) to this and thus try and create pictures of my future, ignoring what is physically actually here and not realizing that ability of my self as man to transform this physical earth into a situation that is best for all, that what I see before me as this physical world presently is not what this physical world can be and that what this physical world is presently can be changed to become an expression of life in its full capacity as the means to grow enough life sustaining food is known, as the means to generate energy without completely destroying what is here - as working in tandem with how this physical world works and understanding how the human in a physical body can be developed and perfected to be self directed are all here, yet I believe as has been taught to me that  there is only one way and that is how this system presently exists, a system of debt and rape of the earth to ensure that only a few continue to have hold onto what is gained through consuming this earth in inconsiderate ways, as these ways are held onto because considering how this physical world works in life sustaining ways brings in no controls for the/a few, and the seeming advantages for the few are held up onto a billboard and lighted up with light beams where this is all that is seen and thus as self in abdication of self direction, as this is not what is taught, becomes a follower of limited ideas of the image and likeness of life, limited in insight of this physical world and the being of self in expression.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that what my world exists as presently is/are limited self development and as this is all that I know to be what I am any threat that I believe will take this away and change this I defend my self against not realizing that my perception is limited as it is of limited insight and not the directing of my self here one and equal to this physical world of which I have little connection as my connection is with my mind as memory and not what is real here as this physical world.

I commit my self to not allowing and accepting my self to feel depressed in and as an idea of losing my past, where forgiving this past and changing my self to being here actually causes me to want to go to sleep and feel as though I and tired when this tiredness is simply my self deconstructing my mind and becoming one and equal to this physical world.

I commit my self to realizing that leaving my mind of memory will create a feeling of falling asleep within and as my self as I turn and face what I have accepted and allowed as the being of my self as mind as forgiving my self as mind is the death of the mind, the taking away of the billboard I have accepted and allowed as what I am, where I must turn and become who I am as life and become the directive principle that is life the principle of oneness in equality as what is best for all is best for self.

I commit my self to no longer existing as a de-press-I-on of loss of past, of loss of status, of loss of glamor, as loss of youth as what this system flashes in shining lights and instead become through writing, self forgiveness and corrective application a “writing/riding “light” “ as the principle of oneness in equality as the directing of my self as life as the principle of what is best for all is best for self where this world is as the very substance of life able to transform from a caterpillar into a butterfly an indication here right in front as my self is the capacity of the substance of this physical world to change the very formation of itself from a creature crawling on this earth to a winged body where this allows this creature to experience the soil and the air, the dirt and the sky all that is what is here as this physical world.

read self-forgiveness for twenty one days, dis-cover your mind

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Day 23 Breath and being here

Day 23 Breath and being here.

Am I so used to being a negative experience, of going into a negative experience to motivate my self into getting something done? Like, and the statement constructed in my mind is, “ If I don’t get this done then I won’t have this. “ So I focus on what needs to be done, become overwhelmed and then imagine some gloom and doom scenario that makes me pick my self up and get the thing done. This is a roller coaster. As though I need to wallow to have something to climb out of.

But this would be an undirected meaningless starting point, self creating a meaning in order to move, as self is stuck in a singular relationship, moving perpetually from one point to another, lost in time. My habit, my religion, my separation, my breation ( I meant to write creation lol) of conflict.  Creating a sense of responsibility. This is creating a separation because of fear of self directing. There is a place I want to go, and I fear taking the steps. This does not really require the baggage of  motivation to get there, and I won’t even know where “there” is because I am not there, I am here, so this worrying of being there could become something other that planned or imagined.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to burden my self with doubt and worry about the future, and to question what I have chosen to do, wanting to have it be all planned out and clear within and as my mind, where I then spend so much time on the details of my direction that I am no longer here and have overwhelmed my self and have to force my self to move through fear of loss should I not.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to  fear spending money right now because I have apologetic letters from universities that say they had to raise costs but that the good news is that the government has given 500,000$ more in loan funding, which sounds like local politics where the schools asked for overrides and the local superintendent then gave himself a raise. Thus, this means that the salaries of the teachers have gone up, and the money is not with the people, so the government will lend more money, which is indirect government salary increases on the backs of the future generations, these students that will probably not be able to find a job, which means that there is seriously something wrong with the money system these days. ( OK this was off topic, but it just came out)

So, I am worrying about money and then I fear a change, fear making a change. And this behavior that I am here, is what I see in my world around me. I see this middle class ( though many might call themselves lower class) society fearful of anything new or suggesting making any kind of change, as though everyone is frozen within worry about money and cannot, will not upset what exists for fear of loss. Yet, as can be seen in the school scenario, there is a problem. This system is like a game of Russian Roulette, but here where I live, everyone is wearing a blindfold. Rather than look and change this system, they exist in not looking and hoping the bullet does not fire on their turn.

So to bring my self out of my own stagnation I will forgive my self through writing and correcting the action as the state of my self as what I am here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to worry about the future.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear the future.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to fear my own fear.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to connect fear to the future.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not look at what is here and realize that the only way out is to change this system as it does not work.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize my own practical common sense and to walk what i have decided to do at this point in oder to function in a way that is best for all and to use what I have to lead to a change within this world.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear my own decisions.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear spending money.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize I am wallowing in and as my mind, creating a drama, which is in effect causing my self to avoid what needs to be done and burdening my self with projections into the future.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear losing something, when if I allow my self to exist in and as worry as my mind, I have already lost something, and that is my self as life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to become anxious about cost increases for college.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not make it very clear to my self that worrying about money is being worry about money which is not a solution and thus, it is to common sensically be practical with what is here.

 I commit my self to stopping the mind as thoughts of worry, where I catch my self separating my self from here, this physical reality, and doing what needs to be done.

I commit my self to finishing what I have decided to do until it is done and not allow my self to begin to doubt and fall into not wanting to change for fear of a system that is by nature unstable and which I can only stand up within and convey to others the nature of this system of money that is unstable until this begins to be understood and realized, and that this system can in fact be changed, but that it will take many people standing together without fear, simply and peacebly realizing that it must change and walking the political steps necessary to make this change, yet I don’t think this will happen in America. If anything America will be last., where many will suffer and many will turn and ignore actually looking and seeing and understanding what is going on until it is possibly too late and they will not have the power to change this system.

I commit my self to stopping my mind so that I may become stable and able to direct my self effectively towards supporting  a system that supports life.

I commit my self to remaining within breath and forgiving my self as what I have been taught to believe, as a system of  behavior seeking reward to survive in self interest only where  the whole of existence is not considered as the human, from birth was never taught to be aware of the physical world.

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