Day 676 Becoming aware of emotional/feeling bodies on my physical body. Who am I within Presence?

Lately, I have noticed while interacting with others, that a moment can happen that appears like a swoon, as how I want to describe it. It happened specifically while sitting with another person, where I noticed their body swung in my direction and they laughed. It appeared like a movement coming towards me, one that I could respond to or not.

I also noticed this week, that while I was talking to a group, that within scanning the group, I had a couple of imagination/voices/ideas come up in relation to some of the people in the group.

What corrective statements I have written out within walking the destini i process helped me to ground myself back into what I was doing.

These imagination/voices/projections were not myself being present and focused on the context of what I was doing. These inner projections/voices/idea ‘ entities’ had nothing to do with myself and were not the ground on which I stood in that moment.

I could begin to see this effect on my body, as it was as though that ‘ swoon’ was around me as me, I reminded myself where I was, and who I was and what I was doing in that moment.

I realize I was in the process of balancing out the mind, physical and self, to ground myself in being present. 

I is interesting as what helps me within this, is my musical training. Why? Within playing in a group, one must learn to extend one’s presence to the other sounds as all the instruments in the group. They are a moving measure, intertwined and formed. This helps myself, as what I am doing, remain balanced within the whole. Within this, I am myself, and I am all the other parts too. If I separate from this awareness, I begin to lose my sense of place. I cannot blame anything around me, as it is my self responsibility to remain grounded in the moment. Nothing can distract me unless I accept and allow it. And, since I can sense the parts and the whole, and move within this, checking this and checking that within and without, my capacity has no bounds unless I limited this presence. I determine my focus, my presence.  

This presence, is so fluid, that it can sense when I am not focused, it can sense what I am being, what I am allowing within myself. It can sense what moves through the mind, as the thoughts as the back chats and the imaginations and the projections, just as I did when speaking to a group. None of this comes from without, it comes from within. Yet, as in sitting with another in close proximity, I can notice a change in the person, the parts of which is the details I may not pick up, and yet I can understand that this is the same as myself, a momentary projection directing the experience. Even this need not define who and what I am.

Within this, I, before walking the process of self forgiveness, writing and self correction as the very measure of me as thoughts, words and deeds,  very often complained about the spatial awareness of people around me.  As an adult, I often wondered as to why the adults around me and my friends were losing their spatial awareness. This manifested in my friends and strangers not being able to do the simplest of tasks that required spatial ability. It was one of the questions that was always there. 

In an interview on Eqafe,  emotional and feeling body effects are likened to a train running on tracks on the earth’s surface. When we are near the train moving on tracks, we can feel the vibrations of the train through the earth’s surface.  Those thoughts/imagination/projections as ideas, beliefs and opinions, that are polarized into emotions and feelings as fearing some form can define me, and/or running to some form as an idea can define/promise, are not myself being present here. In effect, they are what separates myself from expressing myself in normal ways here.  It really begins to be like walking through the valley of shadows, and the ‘ shadows ‘ can be sensed just as the reverberations of the train moving along the tracks through the earth.

Such ephemeral shadows, can be a gift. These ephemeral presences that rush and dissipate as they have no real presence, can be grounded back into what is normal, as being present here, within the means to self direct as that which senses this, as that which senses the physical world around me! 

Thus, I can, in every moment, ground myself in what is normal, in the practice of being present here, no longer allowing judgments about a good or a bad to define who and what I am, as the practice of being myself here is expressing consideration for all things within what I would want for myself . This is respecting all things as the physical world, being equal and one with and as it. to direct my actions in ways that do no harm. 

Emotional and Feeling Energy is created by your Mind Conscious System.  Are you running towards empty as memorized mis-takes on reality, as self judgements, or are you here, present, living, breathing, calm?  

Day 675 Where is the presence of me?

I have been talking a deconstruction of the order of belief, as the construction that sounds itself as the thoughts in and as my mind, as the very measure of my perception within my experiences in my life. The latest deconstruction of what I accepted and allowed has the word compassion that keeps coming up. I have the sense that I used compassion in protection and self defense. And yet, within this, I kept things at bay, meaning I simply did not look. I preferred the remain in some silent place within me. I remember that when I would get sick, I preferred to be left alone, and to climb into myself where there was quiet.

I have this behavior, as in what I have as a from within and as me, as a collection of beliefs that are often reactions to not looking. Not looking means that I abdicated myself. This means that I had to follow because if I did not look, what was it that I then used to direct who and what I am here?  Hiding means that to be here, I had to follow something!  In not looking, I was dodging, which is a busyness, an occupation, in itself! 

If i place myself into the role of being objective about this, and imagine myself facing this state of being in another, what would that be like? What would it be like to face a dodger? It would be like standing on a slippery slope, or walking in a mirage, where what is essentially an inner form - as that state of being- is morphing- moving here and there, moving all over the place just to avoid having developed the habit of hiding, which is dodging, which is moving as beliefs within one’s self, which is not being present in the practical, which is a disrespect of the life around one that is the same as one, that is the same as me. And probably doing the same thing. Hence, being a dodger is like not being grounded, because I am so busy in judgement, for which I cannot remember why and where in exact detail,  that not only is this a habit, like running ticking clock that I would up myself, yet also, a separation from my full and true potential. Ironically this means I am running from myself. This means I am occupied with running from life, and the behaviors have the consequence of missing the practical. It creates a scenario where I am occupied with a movie in my mind, generated by me. It is me, running on default. It is me running on and as a fallen self from respecting all things and being here, using this same ability to sense transferred into hiding,  that is a compassionate self moving in protection and self defense, fighting against life, against myself.

I remember a time, as I stood in a hallway of an apartment I lived in. I was thinking about my husband, trying to figure out what was going on. I stopped there in that hallway, it was mid-day, the sun, from the long summer equinox days, was really bright and strong. For some reason, I remember that I had seen a mother duck with duckings walking on the sidewalks. Everyone stood to the side and let them pass. Then, there I was in that hallway, with all that light that lasted until ten o’clock at night.  The world seemed so alive in that moment, so much bigger than me in that hall way with all that light. It was so joyous the world around me. Then it hit me, for some reason in that moment, that we create everything. Everything that is, is something we create.  Everything that exists we create. It is how it should be, that the means to understanding is through creation and that this is the only way. 

I notice that my chest tightens up and the voices of limitation spin in my mind when I stop being fluid here, meaning when I begin to use compassion in protection and self defense. This means when I start resisting what is here, not sorting it out, in detail, in specificity in practical terms. This means I begin to blame and to spite, because my expectations, which is self interest, came before slowing down and taking the space and time to realize the measure of what is probably a slippery slope in front of me. I have to move through the eye of the needle, without any fear, and before I make a decision, assess the measure around me, within and without. I have to slow way down and move as the measure to begin to see the form and within this, realize what form, what movement, what state would consider a directive that does no harm, a directive that grounds in practical application in a physical creation, as creation would be a form. To believe that some lighted world on top of the physical is life, is the opposite of life.  I mean, do all those lights placed all over the physical,  are they the means of the creation of oxygen for you to breath, or is that tree the means of oxygen for you to breath?  Those pretty lights are the ideas from an entity within of beliefs, opinions an ideas, that is the self hiding from the physical, from creation, from life. 

I have to practice slowing down from following a entity of belief, that I accepted and allowed and created. I have to change my compassion in protection and self defense into assessing this reality, into respecting that tree, in realizing the practical application of that tree, as what is most important, more important than those lights and what they have come to mean as a symbol that is a conjecture composed of beliefs and opinions and ideas, that are in separation from life, from respecting the physical world.  And, yes, those lights suck the life from the physical. They will die, simply cease to exist, one the substance of the physical is sucked out in the order of believing that those lights are more than the physical. It really is that simple.

When I tense up in my chest, it is like a switch into  spite and blame, protection and self defense, naming a separation instead of grounding a separation into the practical. What I can do, is slow down, say no, say stop, and realize I will lose nothing as the ideas, beliefs and opinions, are not myself being present here. I have to use my will, to place myself here, and to transform myself into being present in respect of the physical world.  I have to realize the joy of creation, because it is a joy. I have to bring myself out of that sharply lit heaven I have accepted and allowed as stories of a creator being separate from me that have a consequence of self abdication in self responsibility that are evident in a chatter of spite and blame, self pity with an undercurrent of shame because we all understand that we are doing this, for which there is no excuse, and take back myself  as life, as the means to work with and as what I am, which is creation in formation as the physical. 

When I tense up in my chest, I am not being self honest, I am occupied with a construction of limited values and the consequential resistance to all things, I am acting in self interest in a survival mode, I am not present here, in equality and oneness which is being self honest as what I am, which is a physical beingness, because this is life in formation, the very means of my expression.

I can write out what I have accepted and allowed everyday, to practice in word creating thoughts composing deeds every day, to script myself back into equality and oneness to and with life as the physical. I can become equal to myself as life.  I can practice regrounding myself back into an awareness that the tree is life and the lights are a means to maintain a projection of belief, because the lights are simply lights, they have no other meaning but the spell of the stories projected onto them by others and myself, as that is a state of hiding from respecting and realizing the physical world is life in formation which is creation.  My words can become living words, which means my words reference what is practical as what is the application of standing equal and one to the physical. 

Day 674 Value judgements as the data I allowed to define me in fear of being self responsible.

I looked at a memory that came up in relation to friend of mine of many years, that I do not have much to do with even though we live very close to one another.  I remember as a teenager that I would become annoyed with her because she tended to disappear suddenly when I was with other teenagers in the area where I spent my summers.  I remember becoming frustrated that this peer removed herself from the group in random and sudden ways. I felt as though that I was not good enough for her, and by association, when she was not there, I was missing something. I placed some value on her that I believed I lost when she was not present.

I ask myself what the values are that I projected onto her? I felt that she had grace and awareness that I did not have. And instead of listening to her, as in understanding her perspective, I made it into something that I lacked. Instead of standing up and realizing the measure of her insight, I allowed myself to believe that if I were not her steady friend it meant that I lacked that quality and others would realize this and I would be discovered to lack something.

I tend to use the words gentle and grace a lot in terms of what I deem important in others, I even have done this with my choices of men. I project a simple grace onto others believing that I somehow lack this. And yet, at times, when I was most calm, and relaxed, I could come forward and speak in ways that solved problems and calmed emotional storms, thus to say that I lack the steady insight that often needs no real force to show insight, is not something that I lack. 

I find I have a fear within being this.  And I have a sense, like in a video game when one has to move a figure though swinging doors, or swinging bolders of rock, that one has to time the move in such a way that the action figure manages to make it through the tricky ‘ gate’  in the way to their goal. A sense of fear of not making it through comes up. And, even within this, I have experienced being calm, watching the pattern of the obstacles movement and gently moving through it with ease. 

Hence, this is myself, when in fear, when in uncertainty, seeing the idea of not making it through over being present and sensing the space and the time in the physical movement. What I project onto this is an entity of ideas, beliefs and opinions in fear of loss and consequences of this loss made into this huge vision within me. Moving through the swinging rocks or doors, is a form, it is a shape, it has a rhythm, it has space between the movements, one can move through that space. One can sense that space, unless one believes the movie in one’s mind to be more real than the physical world one faces.

In relation to my friend, I realize that  what I projected onto her, was about me and not her. Also, there is an element of understanding that she disappeared because she was the same as myself, now that I have known her for many years.  It is having allowed information as ideas, beliefs and opinions within to be the guide instead of being here, in the physical, understanding from and function of physical reality, where, unfortunately there are many swinging doors and swinging rocks because I have allowed ideas, beliefs and opinions to be more real that what was actually real around me, as the physical. And the consequence of this lack of being present and gentle and careful in assessing the physical world as what one projected as a mind consciousness of fear based on lacking attention to the physical, and imposing a huge idea onto reality, has caused a systemic design that blocks access to being able to move unless one understands that system. And why, because unless one is grounded in reality, one does not have the responsibility to direct in ways that do no harm. The elite of this world have a  system to protect them from those who have allowed a mind consciousness of False Evidence Appearing Real as ideas, beliefs and opinions in the mind CONscience to direct the machine of one’s physical body, and this directive is too busy in fear, in that false information as measure, to be allowed to move onto the next level because there is no real self responsibility. Hence the elite try and order this world in a way that controls that lack in each. And, they are in the interim in fear of losing what they have, and end up projecting this same fear onto everything. So every one is fearing everyone else, which overall is a misuse of one’s physical body and memory into a separation from reality, the physical. This is that valley of the shadow of good and evil, this is the storm on earth, this is why heaven could exist and yet does not exist on this earth, on this reality.

What I projected onto my friend as having, was what I rejected within myself, because it meant that I had to face the storm of separation as the bubbles of beliefs that cover the earth as this mind consciousness of fear, of believing some information based on a picture in one’s mind , as memory, to be more real than reality. The emotions and feelings that one vents, as one can only speak what one is, as one can only form the information that is you, and that one perpetually sounds, as this is what is accepted and allowed, all the tensions and “ pulls’ into value as the colors one uses, intensified with staccato sounds, or elongated slurs,  will always reveal what measure one accepts, and the lack of definition in one’s sound structures as one’s words, through what we speak. 

Everything is heard, just as the inner whine I had about my friend, where I was crying my own lack,  chasing a value I believed my friend to have, ignoring the means as the values to realize myself because I feared really looking at what I was doing because it meant that I had to forgive what I accepted and stand up and be responsible. The irony is that what I sought was already me, I had just warped it into a distant value, way off there somewhere outside of me, via imagery, like a shattered self, like that humpty dumpty character in children’s stories. I mean those stories are there for a reason, so we cannot blame anyone for our lack, because the answers are always right in front of us. We have to become the directors of our within, and make sure it is as that action figure, standing there, sensing the rhythm of the life that is right here in front of us, and simply walking through the physical with grace and awareness, of which our physical selves when focused here are the perfect forms to be and do. 

Would this not be what was meant by being the living word? Is not the living word the words of the values of those swinging rocks and/or doors, and would not that measure, that data that comes directly from the physical world, be the means to understand the measure in space and time and enable one to sense the rhythms and forms and move with ease? As has been said, it is but a veil that separates one from life.

If we were to call that shattered self the survival character, that sounds the measure of fear, as false beliefs and ideas and opinions that are the self not looking here as physical practical reality, and that shattered self that cries lack because that is the measure accepted and allowed, what if that cry were much like a micro wave on the waters of life that is in everything on this earth? What is that microwave of limitation as beliefs, opinions and ideas of a whine of lack, could infiltrate the physical waters of this earth, and just as a micro wave destroy the water molecules and end up shattering the physical world slowly over time until there was nothing left? What if the trees around us, placed all over this earth were growing weaker and weaker because of the behaviors of an inner consciousness that was of value judgements of lack and the gain hoped for in racing from the believed and accepted lack as idea , belief and opinion within and as one’s mind consciousness, that shook and wavered within the limitation, that was what really microwaved existence to the point where the physical world shattered and fell apart? We all know that water can carry resonance, so is this not possible? If we look around is this not what is happening?

There are people who are writing words and placing them onto vessels holding water. The problem here is that this is not that person taking responsibility within themselves within and as the measure of themselves within. And yet, the answer is to be that action figure, to ground one’s self here, equal to the measure of the physical, and to assess the physical and move within the space of the physical, no judgement except to understand the living quality of the physical thing.

This takes slowing down, becoming respectful of the physical, and being respectful is being thankful, is being graceful, is being gentle, to realize the values, the qualities before one, and to move in accord with that living thing. We can do this, we can assess what we have accepted and allowed as the ghost in the machine that is a Humpty Dumpty, a system of false evidence appearing to be real that if one looks has charged values that pull one into an alternate reality of measure that stops one from moving here in grace and ease, as is the capacity of self as a physical being, just as you learned to crawl and to walk, to pet an animal, to sense the quality of water, to enjoy the coolness of ice cream, all of this is the capacity of you as a physical form, the warped values are like a pull into an idea, that if this has been allowed has become a habit, automated, layered and determining of your actions. This can all be balanced and reformed, as your neurons will move and change, yet, this has to be done by each.

Ground yourself, breath, slow down, begin to see the entity of beliefs, opinions and ideas, begin to see what projections pull you into that constant conflict of value judgement, as this is self chasing a value that is already within and as what you really are. What you resist is what persists, because what you resist is the means to your self responsibility which is what you really seek, as this is what will calm the waters of life, within and without, and ground presence here, to enable the presence of you as life, to build an understanding of life, to become the creator you are meant to be. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my friend as having something I believed I did not have.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being considered lacking in a quality such as being gentle which I associated with being aware and insightful, believing myself to lack this ability, within and as believing myself to be unworthy, when what I was busy with was a belief in a lack, based on a past where I rushed in desire not slowing down to assess the world around me, as I accepted and allowed an excitement to direct me as a value judgement in self interest, without slowing down to see, realize and understand the physical world around me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to within this, become ashamed of myself, as within this, there is a presence that I am aware of what it is that I am doing as I allowed a fear of  failure based on the same actions that caused the mis-take to determine who and what I believed myself to me, and as a consequence accumulated a memory of lack, that was not grounded in the practical reality around me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being present here, and to fear being labeled as not being good enough, as not being lucky enough, where luck simply means that I had enough information to direct to and towards what I desired, and the opposite as unluck simply means that I did not investigate enough to allow myself to accomplish a goal.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to chase after another person and then to react to that person’s resistance instead of seeing realizing and understanding that this was about me, this reaction was my own self interest, based on an idea of who and what I was instead of being present here, applying practical applications that valued the physical characteristics of the life that was /is me that is all around me, where the rhythm and design and movement of that life is visible and able to be sensed and moved with and as in clarity and calm, and certainty and steadiness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear pointing this out against the storm of beliefs, opinions and ideas of and as entities that are ghosts  in the machine within men, creating hued men, as walking mind consciousness bubbles in separation from the practical reality, where the only solution is to ground myself, assess here, equalize my within to the without as what is here, and a system that is the consequence of the separation of men from reality, to within and as every breath, to remain in understanding with the physical, as this is the way and the means to ground the ideas , beliefs and opinions that I have allowed to define me, to move into being grounded in reality, seeing realizing and understanding that this is stabilizing the physical world that is what life is, as life would be physical information working in synergistic and symbiotic ways and means as creation would be and do, sharing the means of being as each can understand because all is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that it is too late,

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that it is never too late, as creation is life, and life is built of sound information, hence the only way and means is to realize this, and to value the physical around me as me, as this is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel I have wasted myself being a mind consciousness of self interest,   instead of realizing the value is life and remaining grounded in every move, taking that which is good and does no harm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that facing the storm of separation as a mind consciousness infiltrating the waters of life in the wold around me is impossible to sort out, when the solution is to walk here, to remain grounded and to realize the practical in relation to respecting the physical world, and how I can build a memory of storied/layered information that is of value judgements in separation from the practice of assessing reality, which means that it is understood as to how this works, as the media uses this in self interest, as each is doing within themselves, to program layers of information that comes to direct the machine as the physical creating personalities that then assess in the present collection of data on each personality to order the system, yet this is overall a system of separation from the physical world, from life, and a system that will destroy the physical as it is not equal and one to the practice of living in creation, equal and one.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how that data collection is myself, as I collected data, as measure about my friend, in a desire to be associated with that data, I allowed to become a god of information that I then chased, not seeing realizing and understanding that I projected what I lacked onto another, as what I had rejected to be do and have, as the ability to assess the reality around me and move in self responsible ways, as this behavior was a self abdication that I turned into a smoke and mirrors show of chasing a desire and labeling myself as inferior, instead of slowing down and realizing I rejected the means I sought, as being grounded here in reality,, so I rejected what was me, what was my greatest strength and ended up chasing my own rejection,  which was overall a picture show within and as me.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that practice of being physical, as assessing the physical world around me, is the means to the end, as the grounding of myself here, which is fun, and the ability of myself as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to give up my own self pity that is a consequence of all of this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being happy, because I fear the joy of self responsibility will cause conflict within and as a world where a mind consciousness reigns as a paranormal entity as a ghost in the machine that screams its lack which is a measure, a layer of information, which we all see, realize and understand as we compare ourselves to others and project values as measures onto others and believe as I have done that that value is not what I am,  which is myself telling myself what I have rejected - as in what i have created within and as me-where the only solution is to ground myself here, no matter what, as this is being equal and one and in respect of life.

When and as I find myself becoming energy, as what a projection that is charged with a value judgement is within and as me, I stop, and I breathe, and I slow myself down, and I become calm, gentle, steady, and I assess the measure of the physical world around me, to see the rhythm and form inherent in the design, and I become equal and one to the practical application of creation as the physical to realize that which does no harm and takes that which is good and respect the value being life, here.

When and as I find myself  longing for a value in the guise of desiring to be associated with another person, I stop and I breath, and I slow  myself down and I see, realize and understand what I fear, where I fear being myself as the capacity inherent in what and who I am, as the ability to assess the practical world as the physical here, and my own accepted and allowed energetic values and I ground this in the practical here, becoming the practice of allowing myself to be gentle, to be calm, to assess, investigate, become aware of, life, here, as the physical.

When and as I find myself reacting to wanting to associate with someone or something, I stop and  I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize the value I have projected through association as a belief, opinion or idea, and I become calm, and assess the characteristics of the physical reality around me, and my habits of belief, until I am calm, stable, serene, steady, seeing realizing and understanding that all mis-takes can be corrected as this is how I learned to crawl and to walk, to build understanding here, thus in every moment I can slow down, assess and direct in ways that cause no harm as this is myself being in respect of creation, which is myself being thankful for the life that is me that is all around me as me, here.

When and as I find myself fearing to be at ease, to be happy, to be in joy of being here, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I practice being grounded here, in respect of the physical and in cross reference of what I have accepted and allowed as value judgements within and as me, as the layered information that I use to assess in self interest, which reveals how I become the information I accept and allow in separation from considering all things and building an awareness that is layered with practical application in respect of the physical, to be and live in equality and oneness with and as life, which is to become the living word here.

When and as I find myself fearing to be practical in the face of limited information within and without, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that my fear is simply false evidence appearing real, as value judgements as fear of loss, as hope for a gain, as a label/construct of information I seek in self interest, and I come back down to earth, realizing the value is being here, equal and one to and as the physical.

When and as I find myself tensing up in my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I assess the data, as the measure of my beliefs, opinions and ideas, flowing down from a mind consciousness into my solar plexus and into my chest, I stop and I breathe, and I ground myself here, assessing the physical world, to build self trust in being present here, equal and one to and as life as the physical.

When and as I find myself becoming uncertain, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I realize where I exist within and as myself as a value judgement that is data, that I have accepted and allowed to layer within and as me, and I assess the wold around me, to consider all things, to become the change I want to see, in thought word and deed, until I am stable, calm, serene, grounded, present, and I direct within the practice of physical beingness, here.

When and as I find myself resisting what is here, I stop and I breath, and I assess within and without as the sum of the layered information I have accepted and allowed to define me in fear of survival and as a consequence an action of self interest , to instead become/practice a more synergistic action with myself in tandem with reality, which means to work in coordination with what is here, where the sum of the parts as including the physical, working together creates a whole expanding in awareness in thought word and deed in equality and oneness with creation information, the physical.

Day 673 What am I doing here, as in how am I moving here, within myself.

One of the many reasons I walk the Desteni I Process is because I noticed some things as I matured in life.

There are two things that stand out.

One was within practicing the violin.  And I remember a teacher telling me that how I practiced was very important, so this is understood by others who have done the same.  I noticed that if I practiced with something on my mind, the next day that would come up. Within myself I realized that I had to focus on what I was doing without the presence of some other thing going on in my life at the moment, or, another way to say this, is that I could not practice with worry about something in the background going on, as thoughts in my head. I could not actually think about something else, like trying to get two things done at once, one of them being, in this case, practicing and trying to sort out something else in my life. This simply means that when I practiced, I had to focus on that and only that.

When I got older, I started to realize that when I practiced this way, only focusing on the practice I was doing, I learned the piece much faster, and I could even be aware of how long it would take to learn a piece, and depend on that. Thus, when I practiced and really focused on what I was doing,, I could depend on how well I would know the piece, and count on that for a performance. I even started to take risks within performing, because I could understand that I knew the piece well enough that no matter what happened - as with other things that can happen when one performs- I could deal with it because I knew the piece well enough within myself.

The second thing that happened, that when I found destini I process I understood, was the aftermath of the death of my husband. For a long time after he died, I would think about him, often wishing he were still around because I had become comfortable with his presence. One day I realized that I had to stop thinking about him, because he was no longer here, and that was that! I found it very difficult to stop thinking about him. I had to really bring up my will and stop each time I started to think about him. I even eventually transferred thinking about him onto another person I had liked earlier in my life. At the time, I did not realize it immediately, within transferring my thinking about my husband onto another, I then found myself thinking about that other person. One day, I realized this and then had to stop that thinking.  I remember it feeling like I had to really ‘ fight’ with the thinking. By this I mean, use every bit of myself to stop that way of being within myself. Then I started to realize how much I could spin around in something, and that it often did not resolve. What I remember, is that it was like pulling in sides and finding what remained stable. Little did I realize that this is, overall, myself getting tired of the spin of the mind, and also, the realization that I can create these huge storms within myself and become so occupied with them, that I spend a lot of time within them. And, that such things need not determine who and what I am. Also, that I actually create who and what I am within myself1 What I think about, remains with me, from one moment to the next, and it can become this entity within that hangs around, something that I must use my will to correct and something that will run seemingly on its own, unless I change it. And, that it really is a separation from being present and here.

Thus, I create the chaos that is me, I create the information that is me. I am the source of what it is that I am. I am the source of what my capacity to focus and be present here, is.  I have the capacity to focus here, in every moment. Who and what I am is determined by me. The destini I process has helped me to realize this, it has helped me to realize what I am as the thoughts that I have, it has helped me to realize why I have the thoughts that I have and where these thoughts/measures/data come from, meaning how I formed them. The destini I process has helped me to realize what I am doing within myself, just as I had began to understand within practicing musical pieces to perform. The destini I process has helped me to realize that I can focus here, and sort out all the back chat from having focused on measures about this world that I carried, and carry around with me, and that occupy my focus in within what I am doing in every moment. The destini I process has shown me how I work within, and in doing so has helped me to realize who and what I am to a greater degree than I thought possible. The destini I process has helped me to focus myself here, and within this, to begin to trust myself more, just as I had begun to learn and understand with years of practicing the violin. 

Our minds, which we could call our memories, take in pictures about reality. If we believe that picture to more real than what is here, as like that violin and that piece of music, then we ‘ taint’  what we are doing with that memory/thought/data/measure and that then slows down the ability to process here and retain what is a clear measure within what we are doing here which then leads to uncertainty and more consequences of beliefs and ideas and opinions about ourselves that are not the solution into learning to focus here, in what one is doing, enough that the product of the focus is clear enough, because it is not tainted with other thinking, that when one moves to do something, there is more trust and more steady capacity.

Also this is to realize that everything we think, if it is not focused on the practice of being present within what one is doing in physical practical terms, then one is not focused here. This means that when moving to do something, the only choice is to investigate until there are no fuzzy areas of understanding. This means that when moving to do something, the moment there is a fuzzy area, where one does not really know, it means to stop and to investigate until one has a certain and clear understanding of something, and that understanding must be in awareness of the physical world. Otherwise what happens are consequences to the living things around us, as all of us, as everything that is physical because if we are not focused here, on the physical and take actions that are not considerate of all things, we cause harm. It is really a crime to not consider all things, to not take the time to consider what it means to be physical on a physical planet. And, that when we are present, and we investigate and form ‘ proper’ understandings of what we are doing, we become more self trustworthy, and the consequence is more self certainty. This is so much more than being lost in a mind consciousness that is a measure of uncertainty as polarized values of right and wrong, fear of loss and a desire for gain that motivates in a limited bubble of belief meeting obstacles because one is not present and considering all things.  It is so much more than the self interest that is the composition of entities of thought that have no focus on what it is that one truly is, and what one truly is capable of.  We can only know ourselves here, being present here, in this reality. We can only begin to understand what we are if we realize how a mind consciousness that is composed of limited values, that can then direct one in separation from being present is, and how it is formed and how it works. 

We can begin to understand how absorbent we are as we stop and take a look at our present media and all the information that is constantly streamed around us. It is so lit up with music and colored lights and limited stories that we become that information, so great is our capacity to take in information and so dependent we are, or have allowed, a mind consciousness reflecting this information to be believed to be all that we are.  Yet we have allowed this in-doctoring, each of us. And, it is only each of us that can change this. We become what we accept and allow.  We, each one, is responsible for what is the composition of what one is within. No other one can control what one is within one’s self. And yet, what one desires is to be self responsible in ways that allow self to interact and play directly in clear and secure ways, with the reality as the physical world that is around us. This is what we truly desire to be. This is being equal and one with life. I would suggest to begin to sort out what is up there in this self accepted and allowed mind consciousness, and begin the process of grounding yourself back into the physical world. This is where, being equal and one to the physical, that  one can live within the potential that is right there as who and what each one is.

Gift yourself the greatest gift, the gift of being grounded, self responsible, certain, present , aware -within and without- as this is what is real living. The destini I process lite is free. Come down out of the spin of a mind consciousness and gift yourself the presence of yourself as life.

Day 672 Why am I here?

I am dealing with the system at the moment. Sometimes I feel as though I am on a slippery slope as I talk with other people. I have to remind myself why I am here. I have to remind myself what the manifested and/or manufactured behaviors are of a cracked and crumbling belief system filled  with polarities that are like a Humpty Dumpty self, a scattered self.  A self so caught up in chaos that what happens is a protection and defense of limitation voicing spite and blame’s, rejection and resistance , like a spin around in a value that is no longer aware that this is in fact what is happening. 

In such a situation, there is no time for reaction, there is not time to become angry, or sad, or to point out the fault only, and by this I mean the resistance ( this word having the word ‘rest’ within it- meaning where one rests in a belief that is an emotional polarity, a value judgement) made larger than life, a kind of stagnant state of being.  This only inflates that value judgement and I get caught in having to sort that value judgement out.  It is like pulling on stings with no reaction,  and with only solution. I cannot look at time in some respects because the very rhythm in the moment can make such appear to be an endless measure of the same. This in itself is an illusion, because the practice of being solution in every moment can accumulate and build a presence that begins to move as this, gaining momentum and moving with greater ease as this is applied.  A memory would not be able to see this, as a memory is only a measure in a moment. one would have to use a sense of registering many memories to realize a change. And, memories are another form of information/measure/data.

It is such a calming thing to realize this. Yet within me, there remains a sense of fear, the voices of ‘ what if “ lingering within and as me from a past of not having realized this. And yet, it is also like playing in tune, meaning that which is the sound that is the harmony that lends directions is there and can be the constant, because it is clear.

Within this I ask myself ‘ Why am I here?’  I am here to be present within how this all works, I am here to be present with creation, which is physical. I am here to be present and equal to what sustains, to what allows constancy , to what supports all things realizing the value is being here, where the sound of all the sounds around me allow each part to remain in balance, which is similar to remaining in tune- and this is ways that reflect what is around me to ensure what does no harm and what gives direction within the ever present solution to and towards this quality of making the choice to do no harm- which is the same as saying to realize the value of all things as the physical is life information. It is here,  right here in front of me, and it is the means of remaining constant within every moment I take being grounded and considering a move that harms nothing. It is what I am as an expression of life, it is the means of my being.

I use the metaphor of Humpty Dumpty these days as a crutch in a moment, because it allows me to realize that I may in a way, bring back the scattered measure of parts and placing them in the practical. Any moment of reaction to such only substantiates that separation, that scattered self. As I have had others remind myself of my own polarized value judgements, grounding myself in reality once again, and then sensing the separation I accepted and allowed, I can say that this is what I would want for myself, thus this is what anyone would want.

It is cool because it is like a gentle drive within and as me,  especially as I realize that no measure need define who and what I am here, as there is only here in this moment and that the why of me, is simply being here, in life expression, respecting all that is here because this reflects myself as what I am as life to me. Without this, I cannot express the greatness of being life information.  Without the world around me, would I have any definition at all? No, all that is, is an expression in form, hence all that is shows me to myself.

I feel like a joy within this, something that has been suppressed for so long  it in some ways wants to burst from my chest. And in the company of this is a sense that this is okay. Let it be.

I am not here to survive, that is the illusion. I am here to be. The why of myself being here is to understand the formation of life and to move with and as it, to sense and to enjoy what I am, which is a physical information of all that builds the physical world that is creation in expression. The physical is the nothing in formation.  Thus, I could say, ‘ god’ is a breath in form, hence I am the composition of that form where that form is “ god’ hence I am the beginning and the end, the alpha and the omega, as what is real is the physical.  What is in my mind, is simply a reflection of that, thus what is in my mind is a reflection of ideas about the physical, what is in my mind is secondary to reality.  Reacting to beliefs, opinions and ideas, is essentially reacting to a ghost in the machine that is the body that is a man hued with value judgements that have no equality to the physical. 

Why am I here? To participate in life, to be equal and one to the physical world as this is what is real.

Day 671 Debt as wages and Steve Jobs.

I read this article here, about capitalism. The part where debt was used to allow for declining wages, as, according to the article, began in the 70’s here in America, shows how we perceptually remeasure things, as an ability within each of us. In this case, in this article, the measure of earnings and money lending, used resources and labor and reconfigured it is such a way to allow greater amounts of money to accumulate into the hands of a few. No doubt, the law industry also benefitted from this, as schemes were ordered, constructed to support that change via that measure of using debt to pay wages.

And the media, as this was running full steam by the time we hit the 70’s , filled in the dreams of what one could do within taking out loans and building that home. All the while, as one is so occupied with the dream, the hope, the desire, that looking at how debt was being used to pay wages was not noticed. Were it , and perhaps there was the lone whistle blower that had no space to voice their concerns, as the media was already owned by those who had accumulated enough wealth to construct lending structures that were a means of hiding lowering wages.

What is astounding is the obvious in all of this. This means that humans are the means to investigate form and ‘ pull on the stings of formation’ in time and space, and that no one human being can be more than another in this system, as all parts are needed to do what is a form that is devious by definition and presented as a false positive. Hence, no few can own anything that is the structural foundation of being a living person on this earth. 

This reminds me of what Steve Jobs was quoted to have said towards the very end of his life. He said that what he owned and the power he had were meaningless. These were things he could not take with him. It was the connection to others, that was the value. Hence he realized the value was being, was living, was being present here. He realized that this game that we have all accepted and allowed of winning power and things, is the illusion. And as we see, within the debt use of wage support and the slight of hand going on behind the racing to win a home ONLY,  is game we as a collective accept and allow that is not what is best for us. The consequence of this game, is that the debt is now the elephant in the room, and the laborers, the ones that are the parts that built this, are too expensive and can be replaced by automation, leaving fewer jobs. This leaves fewer possibilities for humans to realize their value, which is to interact with others and do what men can do, which is to come up with new ways of doing things, as a group, because this is how this is done, on this planet where resources cannot be owned unless it is believed to be a truth, when it is not. Steve Jobs makes this clear.

A basic income, a Living Income Guarantee, would be to realize that value Steve Jobs was talking about. Perhaps, he would still have discovered with the many others he discovered with, his discoveries would have happened, yet they would have happened in tandem with really living the value being life; meaning he would have had the time to discover and investigate and come up with new ways of doing things, and spend time enjoying his family and his community and the many values on this earth, as the plants and the animals, and the soils. Obviously, Steve jobs does not exist alone, he is a part of the whole. And, perhaps he is the consequence of what came before, birthed into existence as the sum of development that existed before him. This would mean that he is you , he is life in another form. If he is this, as this is how this works, this is a movement, in a way, that is a celebration of life. It is such a huge and great thing; it means that the value of creation is being and playing with what is formed and realizing in word and deed and thought,  that we create what is here, and it is all of us working together that is the value.

It is time to remove this pyramid scheme of inequality to life. It is time to realize that poverty is a crime against life. It is time to realize, in deed and systemic form that war is a crime, it is destructive as it is not transformative - it is not using what men can do  in constructive ways to create a world where life on this earth is dignified in and as the practice of realizing the value is being here, interacting with others, realizing their perspective to build awareness and to come up with new ways of doing things that improve and respect this physical manifestation of life. We can do this, we can stand together, as we have done, and stand as what is best for all. It is said that one cannot know what is outside of one’s awareness, yet the steps forward are visible, one needs only take that step to see the next. I mean, this is how this is done! Support a Living Income Guarantee. Time to create a systemic form that is the voice and structure of realizing the value is being life. 

Day 670 Emotion is another form of data.

Emotion is another form of data.  When I heard this I immediately thought about who and what I am, if I slowed down to consider that emotion is another form of data. 

This means that my personality is a form of data, as my personality is what I like and what I resist. It means that what I choose to like is based on my experiences, because my experiences are where I got my data from. 

If I look at parenting, for example, I remember at times being resistant to some children. This means that I resisted the data that my data compared their data to that was them.  It means that I sensed their measure, as their data that defined how they directed themselves, or how their neurons sensed based on their exposure and experience, to my exposure and experience believing that their data was not enough for the data I as busy building in my children.

This means that I was competing for data. Sound familiar? 

I investigated what jobs were happening in my area, and I found there were data collection companies. Even my son is working for a data collection project.

Is this a competition for data on a grand scale? Are we competing to collect data to win something more? What is that more that we are seeking? Is it to survive? Yet, is this not the means of survival, and is this not then the means of the machine, as our physical bodies?

If we are exposed to what is here and how the physical data as the plants and the animals and the soils, work and interact as measures of many parts working together, we collect data on that form. This in turn becomes what informs our data that can then build to an emotion that is what we direct ourselves as.  It is like to say, we have a neurological system within that builds in accord with our exposure. if our exposure is limited - just think of the images on TV- then what will be our emotions when we enter the real world around us? our data will be of flat imagery, with no real sensory development. Thus our data, as an emotion will come pouring out, trying to fit into reality, and not finding anything that matches, because the data within does not match the data without. That is really messed up.

Who ultimately is responsible for this? That point where the data is collected and transformed into how the machine is directed! 

It is also to realize the beauty of this, and the need for respect of this as how this functions. This means that each human, can build a network that is aware and present and functioning in being considerate of the beauty of this, and this in all things- even the cat, or the blade of grass. This means that all thing are us in another life!

It is also to realize that we can become stagnant in the data we have accumulated. And this means that we can change. We have to check our emotions as the data that they are, and cross reference that data with what is real, as the physical world that is us, the same. This means that the comfort of not knowing, is an illusion as limited data collection that is the past of one’s exposure and accepted focus. This means that the child will become the measure of the parents. 

The manner of collecting data is from physical reality and all the present forms built by men who did not realize this as the present technologies and systems imposed on this physical reality in absence of realizing this. Or, in using this in self interest- which is that comfort zone of not knowing!  The very means of this ability and development, as this is how things are built and changed and aware of to build is how the physical world works. This is really cool, because this means that we can build and rebuild, transform and take steps to do no harm, to anything that has been built, because we as what we are , can access data, and process it, and realize what does no harm. And, to realize that this is the fun of being. I mean, what do we do all day when we, for example, administrate? We assess data and reorder and organize it as all the things of this world that are creation in motion, information in motion. 

Hence, our present system is an emotion that is a data of beliefs and opinions and ideas that have not considered all data as what it means to be living a life expression that is physical. And that the physical is this process in expression. Instead, we have allowed ourselves to believe that our experience, as our data that creates the emotion, is more real that that from which the data was collected!  

And this means that our present data collection agencies, are collecting data on the movement of data that is a memory within each. This is a limitation, and the consequence of this is a stagnant system that has many jobs for people that have become comfortable within this structure, and fear changing out of their comfortable data! And that data is limited data, feeding on itself and justifying it’s existence despite this causing immeasurable harm to what is the same as them, all the people and plants and animals, everything that is of this physical world that is the means of all of this!

We need to stop believing in a god, because what is really a ‘ god’ is the physical because it is the way of creation. The physical is the information that is the physical you, it is the means of building awareness within of it so that one’s emotion is a data that is in alignment with life. as the physical The very need to believe in a god is the measure of one’s limited data that is the cause of the insecurity to need to believe in an imaginary god!