Looking at my will. Day 707

I am taking some time to learn about something I have wanted to understand for a long time. I find myself becoming overwhelmed. Then, I notice I want to go into blame towards various things, this appears as a back chat in my head.

This back chat, as the voice of value judgements, can take over, unless I stop. It means using my will to stop, to realize that back chat is a stream of fear, an artifice of judgements, myself not having enough information, and a belief on top of that that this is too much to stand through. All of this in itself an illusion. So many times I have walked through information and gained insight into myself and the world around me, this time it is no different. I can take the time, and go easy with myself and build this understanding. This is how expanding my awareness works. 

I can also relate this to the existent infrastructure of the world, and what I allow when uncertain and overwhelmed, as the same behaviors in other human beings, and the information presented on the media that uses this same experience I allow within myself, to generate a distraction from using what is natural. That nature, being to slow down and investigate no matter what. And this until things are clear, and I gain confidence in directing myself - also not fearing to make a mistake.

In tandem with this, it helps me to remember that just as this emotional storm rises within me, it rises as the same behaviors in others. This reminder to myself, about myself, and this same action in others, allows me to slow down and become patient when communicating with others. Thus, I need not be anxious, instead I can focus myself on what I have allowed within, and the same in the world around me, and  assess the parts and the whole and find solutions that  motivate a clear will and a steady direction, a presence that is sustainable . 

Thus, the moment I find myself  becoming restless, obsessed, impatient, short tempered, I stop, I breath, I slow way down and no matter what, remember myself to being present here on a physical planet, to ground myself and place my will as life, into measurable solutions. 

I also realize how awesome that would be if each were to become this with each one, each human, each animal , each plant and entity on this earth. 

Imagine this accumulating and becoming normal? What kind of world would this create? 

In the most basic of terms, this would become a world absent of behaviors of survival into a world communicating creation. 

Day 627 The Fabric of My Persona

The Fabric of My Persona

I had an experience yesterday where I was alone with a human being playing a role in our society.  As I stood there talking with him, I could see some fears coming up in relation to my role towards his role. That uncertainty , like a fly buzzing around behind my head. I slowed down and went into the basics; I had been asked what I did.  The basics; myself in another life stood before me.

I notice often how we breath, our breath never really at ease. For me, this is an indication to slow way down, within and without. Slowing down the words and getting real simple. Often the words I speak, becoming metaphor, an indirect way. Given the limited time, it is to just stick to this, as it is not offensive or confronting. Yet, it can give a structure easy to hold, planting a seed.

In all of this, on reflection later, I realize as I looked at myself slowing down, how much effort within myself is used to maintain a persona. The rushing it involves. The act of slowing down, and moving into the basics, allows a respect of the persona, and a non-threatening calm. This that is used to separate, can be used to ground. Is this taking that which is good and does no harm?

Is this slowing down a ‘ novel’ experience, because of having spent so much effort and time using my awareness to build and  maintain a persona to survive?  That personification building and maintaining exhausting. This seemingly ‘ novel’ experience an ease that was always there and was more normal, so a double edged surprise? By this I mean, this is a discovery, so it is something new, and yet, it is what is normal. So, within the new, is the realization that the persona was one caught in a drama that had no reality, it was a storm in separation from what was natural, which was being equal to the practice of living in a physical reality.

Overall, this is not having had enough information about what we are here, in total. A loss of a sense of reality. In effect we are not grounded here, and it is being grounded here, that is that which brings ease. The dis-ease is being caught in the projection only. Thus, the compounded problems around us, are the effects of the effort to build a persona to survive without considering the practical application of living a physical life.  

Day 323 Being bullish with bullying

I realize in looking back in detail, as much as I am able, into my childhood , through looking at how i move myself here, the very emotional, feeling thought movement of myself here, this which takes some time to realize as what this means, yet all can do this, as this is something that is heavy, that is life an eddy of collected stagnant moments, turned into hope, Hope and an acronym for How Observant People Edify, meaning how people turn their fear into an icon, an idol as guide, when this is really un unresolved expression of self as life, here, at ease with the actual physical world, a creation of a movement of self in need, in desire, where the lens of self becomes a begging for this in thought, word and deed, thus, it is always in the words we speak, our own separations and desires, because we are machines reflecting what we allow ourselves to be, if we are dishonest with life, as what we are, we them become that dishonesty. We cry our dishonesty from life, our separation.

I am seeing Bernanke saying that her is trying to solve the financial crisis, that it all takes time, that it is complicated. It is only complicated because there is fear there, or, one could say there is not wanting to let go of having more than another. Of course there is no resolution of the financial crisis when letting go of having does not fit into the design of what would solve the crisis. The crisis is that in order for one to have what is needed to support life, means another cannot have, and all the systems are directed in such a way to maintain this belief. Bernanke is like a spider in a web, where the workings of the web are the system, and any imbalance triggers a reaction and the spider as illusive web maintainer cannot fathom the ground beneath the web, too busy is he/her with the web. The wave of common sense as life, as all men realizing and standing up can take this web away and let the sunlight in.

Back to myself here, I do this, in and out, from way out there, referencing the present system as the world, back to myself.

I have my own little, bubble/web self designed in protection and defense of my survival, as memories, of thoughts, words and deeds, a story of emotion and feelings coming in and flooding me as I stand here and breath, seeming so real, yet so heavy and consuming. I do not need television, I have my own, I only want the tv when I need a break from myself. lol

It is like a run to organize things, like a proper woman, but what I am doing is organizing things to avoid being bullied, and even to hide that I avoid being bullied. I even dreamup possible bullying scenarios in and as my mind, where being bullied is really being rejected. So it is like I fear being bullied, and then I watch my reactions of others, to ensure I am accepted by them, which means I will then, because I am accepted, not be bullied.

And then I am so busy doing this, that I am not here, I am way far, far ,far away, buried under this self imposed movement of protection and defense that I have no idea how to really communicate as myself here, I have so little practice within being forgiving, that even if I am for a moment a torrent of sadness and tears want to come, as the memories of what I have accepted and allowed, being a longing for underneath all of this, as I allowed myself to become hope, in waiting for some kind of change, as this was created as a child, a pattern of separation set, because there was no other place to go, or I did not have the language and skills, and size to describe, stand up to, pull together in words within facing here.
Physically, I notice that my breath shortens, and within I search for shields of protection to stop what is a threat of punishment within my environment, what is a threat to my existence.

So, I have to breath, through this, to bring myself here, in common sense, without a fear that something will be lost. I don’t even know if I know how to do this, I am going to have to practice this! It is like letting go and bringing it back to self to direct as life in forgiving as life, here.

How did I do this specifically? Through accepting and allowing and using as how I moved in thought word and deed, an ideology of one thing being more than another, of weighing and judging, one value made popular and touted as a glory of having won. But it is not something won, it is really the being of self LOST in survival being justification, separate from actual life, separate from the actual physical world.

The values presented as what is use to direct self within this, are reflected in the choices using the earth’s freely given resources as the products of the consumerist market, where, since these are parts of life, they are not “bad” they are limited and lack consideration of all life, and thus, considering all life, means letting go of the soldiered self of limited bought products that are the fashions of protection and defense.

Bullying will always have limited values as what is used, because the very act of bullying is a separation from looking here,it is a destructive non directive criticism meant to diminish, stagnate instead of direct, show direction within awareness of self as life, as an expression of life, as what is real here. A bully cannot move at ease. A bully is the voiceof fear, a reaction in and as fear, a desperate act. Look, even trolls on the internet are men who are desperate to earn a living, It is like a last resort to survivel.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not stop and breath and look here, to see, realize and understand that i am life, here, one and equal to and as all that exists on this earth,as the very substance and expression in and as life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that what is here on this earth as the physical world is life, and thus is a system that can be understood, realized here, as myself as the substance of life, this being the value, where it is the selection of limited values made icon, used to con, into and as limited expressions in and as energy as the mind warping reality into limited insight into and as what is here, creating a world of hu-men, into a system of protection and defense in separation from the gift of life, as the promise, the real promise of heaven, given, freely, for life to self realize itself as life, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to remain here, equal and one to and as breath, to slow down and to communicate with what is here, to realize myself as life in totality, to become one and equal to and as what i am, life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe through a thought that what is here will punish me if I do not match the state of limitation of another, to match a belief, to stand up to a limited belief that is within limitation as mind, as an allowed existential separation from equality and oneness within the value being life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have kept the enemy at bay, which in and as itself was a judgement, a labeling, that was a movement into a separation from and as life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have stopped breathing, to have become an erratic breath, not seeing realizing and understanding that my physical body, the form of life given to self realize myself as life, was showing me in my own state of disease to and as life, here, where the stopping, hesitant, irractic breath as what I allowed was moving into an ambiguity, a distance from being one and equal here, as life, not seeing understanding how to communicate what was here, as the very substance of life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to develop a coping mechanism of protection and defense hidden in the guise of organizing what is here into and as limited values to present agreement, qualified/ recognized/attended to as acceptance with a smile, with energetic empathy, which I accepted as a success in distancing myself from punishment, from being cast out, from becoming a scape goat, from being bullied within being called names, being labeled as less than, being disallowed communication and interaction, thus, became I, a personification in and as what serves a system of separation from life, here , into and as the various roles and the behaviors within and as how these roles move here, within being a daughter, a mother, a sister, a consumer, an American, a human, a class based guidance system, a wife, a wife a widow, a spewer of limited beliefs, opinions and ideas, a spender without consideration of where and how and who created and moved the physical things of this earth that can only be moved by the various ways the hands of men have moved what is here, the complacent person, believing that it is too difficult to move myself here, not realizing seeing and understanding that the complacency is a byproduct, into and as a wasted human, because the weight of my separation accumulates within and as me, as energy becoming the directive of myself as I have misaligned myself through a mind, not understanding how the mind works, and thus have I accepted and allowed complacency to be what is real not seeing realizing and understanding that this complacency is the waste of a life lived in self interest only.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I am here, that I can breath, that i can see, realize and understand how this actual physical world functions through simple common sense and bring myself back into and as the physical and direct myself here, from this point to begin to practice walking equal and one to and as the physical here, no drugs necessary, no hand holding with an illusionary god, no reference to an invisible hand, no acceptance of a statement that it is difficult, no allowance that it is complicated, no disallowing communication until common sense of this actual physical world is aligned equal and one to all life, of which a visible existence of oneness and equality as heaven on earth, where all life here moves in and at ease, where no matter whose shoes I walk, I am at ease here, equal and one to and as an expression of life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become the passive bully.
Self commitments to follow.

Day 236 Imagination Dimension/ Victim Character

Imagination Dimension / Victim Character

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a scenario play out in my mind, as a memory, based on a past event to determine what i am here, not seeing realizing and understanding that I am allowing this past memory as judgement to define myself personally as the personification of being a victim as what I am here, instead of stopping , breathing, and realizing how I was seeing myself as less than and reacting within anger towards another, in self interested protection and defense in fear of loss of status and friendship, as I went into a sequence of behaviors as energy blaming and spiting another, creating friction and conflict for myself and the other, in not seeing how I existed as mind scanning my environment in terms of survival and gain.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe at the time, within one specific memory play out, that I was not allowed access to a group, believing myself to be less than based on face values of physical maturity and monetary display, taking it personally while the friendship supposedly lost was simply my friend maturing physically faster than myself and seeking like developing girls to face a change taking place, where I judged myself as less than within this and thus turning myself into a victim.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have created all these thoughts around this as judgement, manipulating myself from a negative less than reaction into apositive more than belief, utilizing the morality of social class that I had been taught within my family, culture, society, instead of looking at what physical changes were taking place.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that were I in my friends shoes , I probably - wether right or wrong- have done the same thing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that all judgement as a thought is myself showing myself where I have separated from actually looking at this physical world and understanding how the physical world functions, and within this separating myself into some fuzzy logic as belief, opinion and idea, following cultural and class ideologies or non substantiating and directing movement as what is best for all, equalizing life as being the value.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become anger, as reaction, within protecting myself, in fear of having loss some status, when nothing had been lost in reality, as I continued to exist and found other activities and interactions with others, this being myself here, interacting as life, here, so the idea of loss was indeed an illusion.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow this past event to play out in my mind, and create a behavior where I scan my environment in anticipation of being measured as less than as I place some values above others and fear being measured as less than, which is, as I have seen, an ignorance of the reactions of others, themselves trying to understand this physical world and simply following limited values that are what is taught as a means of survival within a mind consciousness system of separation into and as energy as values of more than and less than, creating inequality within being one and equal to what is physically real, here.

I commit myself to, when and as I become the same behaviors coming up within and as myself, as being less than and then placating myself through making judgements that lead to myself as a “more than” to stop and to breath and to bring myself back into and as the physical, to understand what is here as the physical, and direct in common sense as to what is best for all, to be responsible for the behaviors within and without that are in separation from equality and oneness with and as life, here.

I commit myself to , when and as I find myself, having a memory flash by, in and as my mind, to stop and to breath, and to ground myself here, in and as breath, and to self forgive, through writing, any and all energetic movement within and as myself, realizing that such movement is a separation into a more than and less than mind consciousness belief, opinion and idea, in fear of survival, as my self existing in separation from what is directive and supportive of life in the realization that all life is equal.

I commit myself to when and as I also relive as this memory, a feeling of quilt that I am allowing myself to judge myself as less than based on my own demise, which in and of itself is not a solution but simply another end game of emotion I accept and allow unless I stop, and breath and realize such behavior is not within the principle of what is best for all, as the value being life.

I commit myself to realizing that each and every time I judge another, based on a morality sustaining survival, I am in separation from common sense of what is best for all, disrespecting myself as life, equal and one with what is here, so I stop and I breath and I direct within equalizing an understanding within communication to and towards what is best for all

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Day 214 Self commitment within back chat self validation

I commit myself to breathing, to remaining in and as breath, to stabilize myself in and as the physical, to move myself as life into stability here, equal and one to what i have allowed, as the mind, as the backchat in and as what validates myself as mind in separation from oneness and equality as self as life, here.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that the conversations, back chat, comments based on values of more than and less than, are evaluations within a game of survival where money determines life, and thus a validation of myself within polarities of fear of loss and hope for gain, where fear is met with a set of morals that support the presentation of myself based on what was taught within a system of inequality within the culture, family, society, educational system, religion in which I was born, where these more alls were taught to ensure my own survival, not seeing, realizing and understanding that what was real, was this actual physical world, as this is the real expression of life, which is what is actually here, where no real god would create anything but what is actually here, shared equally by all, as this is life, the very action of life, absolutely.
I commit myself to breathing and realizing that the back chat, as recitation of protection and defense, in and as my mind, are limited values in consideration of my own survival, and thus to be stood one and equal to, to realign this conflict back to self and to direct within the principle of what is best for all, in becoming the living word of and as the value being life.
I commit myself to seeing the polarities of thought as the back chat in and as my mind, as protection and defense of personalities as what I was taught to project as myself in creating what serves a hierarchy of more than and less than, that is in itself an abdication of life, as the dialogue in and as my mind is a communication of survival and thus ignores equal and one movement in and as myself as life with what is real, this physical world, where what is here is/has been built by the hands of men, thus this physical world is what is real and thus, within and as breath, awareness of this physical world means all there is, is facing this actual physical world and directing myself in common sense, in practicality, within interacting with what is best for all that is here on this earth.
I commit myself to realize the positive thoughts, desires , wants and needs, as words and pictures, ideas and perceptions in and as the mind are the positive value presented to hide the negative fear of loss in relation to what is immediate within my environment as accepted and allowed behaviors built to support a system of inequality, that hide the inferiority as a fear of loss within survival.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that the back chat in and as my mind, protects and defends instead of looking to correct patterns within solutions to and towards what is best for all, to enable life to become a directive principle in and as being life, within absolute purpose as what is best for all is best for self where life becomes creation instead of this present system of destruction in ignorance of life, where the only choice is to realize that life is the value.
i commit myself to, in my case, worry about money, to investigate what will support myself to be able to support what is best for all, instead of allowing myself to go into back chat that directs myself within presentations of myself within personifications established through what would enable myself to survive as what was taught, as a means of comfort and survival and to stop these thoughts and redirect them into and as solutions, seeing, realizing and understanding that the choice is to stand within what is self directive as life as what is best for all.
I commit myself to instead of blame and self justification, to stop and to breath, and to investigate solutions through understanding patterns of behavior within and without, within the present system of inequality, to stand within what is best for all.
I commit myself to realize that back chat of seeking comfort, is myself wanting to hide and not stand and to stop and to simply investigate what is here, and what is needed to be walked within solutions that support life, as this is what is best for all.
I commit myself to realize that the back chat in and as my mind indicates the friction/conflict of separation that simply needs investigation towards what is actually physically here, and to direct this within what is best for all, thus a sense of “falling” and/or vertigo is myself within fear and not being directive within what is supportive which is understanding how this physical world functions, and taking the necessary steps to and towards what is best for all.
I commit myself to realize, see and understand that moving in self interest within survival, which is a system created through a belief that some can own freely given natural resources and thus placing money within a system where life must them be bought, is a crime against life, and thus unacceptable, as this is the outward manifestation of what I have accepted and allowed in not directing myself within self responsibility in equality and oneness with myself as life, equal and one to what supports me as life, which is the physical as this is the substance of life of which I am.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that participation in and as the mind is a validation of continues separation and not myself within and as the validation of myself as life, as I separate into values of less/loss and more/gain and stagnate within limitation instead of investigating what has been accepted and allowed in self abdication in and as what i am as the substance of life, here.

The Century of Self : Part 1 Happiness Machines

http://youtu.be/prTarrgvkjo

Psywar

http://metanoia-films.org/psywar/

The Trap

http://archive.org/details/AdamCurtis_TheTrap

The Power Principle

http://metanoia-films.org/the-power-principle/

Human Resources: Social Engineering in the 20th Century

http://metanoia-films.org/human-resources/

Catastroika - Greek Documentary

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoNjVMhmBfM

The Marketing of Madness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=vnuMhlPn9TA#!

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Day 207 The mind as magnifier of parts of the physical/story only

The mind as magnifier of parts of the story.
I wake up this morning worrying about money. I try to clear something up and read some letters from lawyers and call a bank.
What I see within the letter, as the presentation, are details that stop within one part of a story line of events; meaning one little made huge detail within the consequencesof the total. And these details presented serve the interests of only a few, and it is all about survival and money into non- equality.
If the whole were looked at, then the outcome would be different than the parts presented, and thus, if the development of the human is caught in confusion, as instability, which in a way is an understanding that “something is a-miss” ( to the whole). There have been times when I was confused, and then I went into continuing this confusion through looking at the things within the confusion one and a time- as thought seeking an answer within these only, one at a time. And then, over the last years, I got better at catching myself doing this - also within the desteni process of understanding emotions, thoughts and feelings, and investigating what is the actual movement and structure of the present system- actions of understanding the within and the without. So, I got to the point where I realized I could not find and answer, and felt confused because there was not an answer within the presentation “facts”. What I would then do is stop and realize I did not have an answer, and then wait for a change in perception to find the answer. Which meant, that I needed more understanding, but I did not realize this clearly. I guess I thought of it in some “ magical awareness coming in that was going to out there some where.” But this started to bother me, as this was not a clear situation either.
I knew something was not clear within the health situation in America, and I had problems with my mother, as she totally accepts all the pills and means of the present allopathic system. So, I started to look into health professionals who had done independent research and found many problems with what is accepted as promoting supposed heath within allopathic medicine. I would then take these professional studies and insight to my mother. She refused to read them. I was confused.
I was in effect finding my own way of answering to the confusion point, in doing investigation; meaning looking to the structure of what is here and understanding it. Unfortunately, I had not really investigated how money worked.
So, confusion, a sense of confusion, is really seeing no answer within presentation, being trapped within the part presented, meaning that confusion of a state of not having enough insight into the total story ( a separation), the total here, as what is real, as what is physically actually the real “ here” in seeing how what is here works as this physical actuality, the same tactic used in suppression of consequence within the physical world in favor of limited supposed ‘complete peer reviewed studies” ( which in essence have become reality as a sanctioned “truth” where, yes, things should be cross referenced but within a profit based system of inequality where money determines life, this will end up being manipulated in favor of profit- as this has been made/allowed to determine life.)
Now, if the mind focuses on the details presented and moves as that detail, this would be an absence of sensing the whole story - or manifestation physically. So, moving as the aggrandized part would be an ignorance of an understanding as the total story-manifestation; the physical being the manifestation of the total story. Thus it would be a crime to not reveal the total story, it would be a crime to not clear up confusion or to even use it for personal gain. That personal gain is not even aware of the total story, or it would not be taking the limited action!
This in essence is what has become of the present system of money and human energetic personality development. And each of us accepted and allowed this through our participation. The human is not cross referencing all the capacities of the from as the human, and instead seeking character/care-actor to law/wife/mother/street worker/paper pusher/ electrician to name a few, only, sequestering into limited role play only, without becoming aware of self as being able to interact in common sense with much of what is here, where so much of what is here is able to be common sensed and directed through by self in interaction with this physical world.
The total effects within this physical world must always/allways be considered, any ignorance, hiding, inconsideration is criminal and will cause confusion, and thus maintain separation, and looking at the parts made huge - selective parts that are impulsed again and again and again, withholds common sense, as hearing/hereing/seeing the total story/manifestation as the physical. This is using division in a mathematical way, folding over on itself again and again, without looking at total consequence, thus are emotions, thoughts and feelings used to divide from the whole. Like a pendulum on a clock, where self is limited into the bottom of the pendulum only, as mind.
Take a moment and try stopping that emotion, that sense of confusion, the sense of falling inwardly and see if you are able to “pull it back” into sensing the whole with ease and in calm. I bet you cannot do this. All those reverberations within as the confusion, as the emotions and feelings and thoughts echoing through your physical body, imbedded within the waters resonantly, they are still “bouncing off the walls of self as self” as they are unresolved. This all needs to be brought back to self, equalized to self as life, as the physical, being aware of the whole story. Thus must self deconstruct the separations through realigning them back to the whole- the totality of the story; physical manifestation. Mechanistic.
Within this, your me-mories are the me stories of parts accepted and allowed in separation of equal and one consideration of the whole;physical manifestation. And, the present system is the manifestation of this separation without as what we are within, the two existing equal and one - at the same time. Thus, as long as we are accepting this, our separation from an understanding of the total story ( as all consequence) ; physical manifestation, inequality to the acceptance of all of the story- as this actual physical world- will continue- until it sucks the real awareness of the whole until there is nothing left and we start from the beginning all over again. Even here the problem will not be solved, as we must realize the totality of what is here, to move as what is equal and one as the substance that is the starting point, equal and one, as the creative value, as realizing this is the value, and working with this. meaning not choosing to give more value to an object from this formed, which is not eliminating the form, but seeing it as an expression of the very substance as what self is, and sharing and working with and understanding how this was formed, and enjoying the form and seeing the forms as a story of creation.
Our stories presently are creations of values, and the values are limited within awareness of what we are in substance and that substance as form in expression. Instead we have looked only to certain forms and not the means and development of the form that is of the substance. Thus we worship false - as in limited parts only- gods/idols. In a way it is like only sensing blips on a screen, and taking those blips and creating ourselves from that only, as that one part is excited and then seemingly bright and thus seemingly supportive - as we are separate from the whole/lacking a developed sense of the whole from day one- as the nothing as the space, which in fact it is a separation from common sense, common sense being a sense of the commons, the commons being the very earth on which we exist, everything, as it is the common supportive ground as the physical as where we are as the human, and it is here, to allow us to equalize ourselves back to the total story of existence as how the very substance of life has and is the total form of life as this physical world. Thus all there is is here. Is there really anything that life would not be but this? This makes so much sense , and allows all life, would never divide life, as the nature of life is expression as life.

I commit myself to realizing and understanding that separation is a stop into value judgements.
I commit myself to investigating all my own self doubt as a non directive movement lacking common sense of this actual physical world.
I commit myself to realizing that I become emotional when I believe something can be lost, where this sense of loss, is a belief in lack, simply an action as a movement lacking direction, where direction would be understanding, in common sense of how this actual physical world functions, and thus an act of elimination would not exist, as the physical was here before man emerged on this earth.
I commit myself to stop myself from being a walking dis-cretion and looking at what is actually here as this physical world, and understanding the mechanics there of.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that value judgements of more than and less than are a lack of common sense when held in high esteem and followed within assembly through like relations and associations as a limited movement without a directive principle of resolution.
I commit myself to realizing there is only here, in absolute direction as what is best for all within investigating how this physical world works.

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Day !37 Is not heresay/heresy a sin?

Day 137 Is not heresay/heresy a sin?

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the way in which we are taught is based on ideas, beliefs and opinions based on heresy, passed down through for-fathers and mothers, like a game of telephone, where the message becomes less than the original message in tandem with no actual self physical experience equal and one to what is real, this physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to  see, realize and understand that I am a composition of heresy, as what i have been told I should exist as, as a presentation to fit into a system of inequality to survive within a system of profit that has failed as it is not supporting life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I am resonant with story telling, as heresy/hearsay, and thus have never been taught to actually work one and equal to and as what is here as the substance of life that is one and equal as what we/I are/am as life here, with out the “say” as the only experience with what is here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I was forced to accept this, as a child, where the consequences of not accepting this meant punishment, as the heresay had become all that was known, becoming what was believed to be real, instead of actual physical interaction with this physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I fear death, as I fear time running out, where I know I am a walking heresay, trying to utilize this heresay to express myself and survive, yet this here-say has no substance, and the here-say as itself only want a match to support itself as its persona of story/character construction in separation from what is real, actual, physical here, where what has been made huge is the telling of the heresy/heresay/hearsay and not the actual common sense of my self as a human physical body, that which is real or sex would not be such a huge drive in men, as this has also been clouded with heresy as image as idea, as picture porn show in separation of physical common sense as life, like the way in which animals just simply enjoy themselves physically.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that as long as I allow this to direct me, my life will have no substantive expression as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I fear rejection in becoming here without the say, as the say, as belief, opinion and idea,  takes care of the act of myself as life and not the here, as is so evident within the present system of capitalism as profit, as a division and conquer of what support a few in existential heresay/hearsay/heresy physical comfort, and not the life substance, the actual physical world, as what is real, as what is the value, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel sad that this exists, that what is so obvious is ignored.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that more than likely, it will be impossible for life to be birthed into, as what it already is, this physical world, as the heresy has become so huge it has consumed the human, and thus is the human merely a parasite on existence, which is laughable because the human believes itself to be superior to nature, when it is in fact the exact opposite.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that to clear myself of this heresy I must stop and slow myself down and breath, and apply common sense of this physical world to all the hearsay / heresy that I have accepted and allowed in separation from myself as life as my human physical body in common sense with what is actually physically here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that there is really no hope for man kind, as mankind has become so ignorant of this physical reality that he is indeed what he makes movies about, a walking zombie whose only action is that of destruction, where at least this walking zombie kills itself and the birds and the bees seem to keep going in the background.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel angry about this, and sad.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my heresy self seeks attention, that my heresy self seeks validation, that my heresy self exists only within relationships to other walking zombies of heresy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel sad about all of this, as this sadness is a judgement, and not myself here, as being this judgement despite the odds will do nothing to change these odds, as all there is is to walk one and equal to this physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I feel like I have been kicking and screaming in and as myself for so long, that I have been trying to scratch my way out of a coffin, that I fear never being able to get out of this coffin whose form and design I cannot fathom, or believed I could not fathom, and I fear the very constrictions I have accepted and allowed, that just as i drive in my car and fear having an accident, where it feels like I feel that I cannot see, I cannot hear, I will not see what is coming towards me from the other lane.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all I can be is here, where within common sense I am here, and not as some emotion, thought or feeling based on belief, opinion and idea composing an alternate reality picture of fear of loss superimposed on what is freely giving here as this earth, manifest as a profit based system ( I wrote eyetem!)  that places monetary value on (eye) items instead of supporting what is actually physically here as the value as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that instead of moving automatically here, with what is real, I have accepted and allowed a persona/character to develop equal and one to itemized values of property signifying ownership and thus survival, where the schmuck possession is the survival eyetem totem of worship and not the substance of what is freely given here as life, one and equal to myself here, expressing itself as life, this that has been told to man, to not worship as a false god, as no totems are needed, as what is here is the real say/expression as life, the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting a supernatural coffin of energy as directive creating uncertainty and fear to exist, as this supernatural directive has no value or substance.

I commit myself to slowing down, to breathing here, to taking in what is here as one and equal to me, and within this supporting what is here, where any reaction energetically , as emotionally or within feeling, as compounded thought to what is here is a judgment and a fear of loss, a fear of survival.

I commit myself to letting go of characters of blame, and shame, to a persona of ideas  that support a limited idea if what it is that I am, where , yes I am a woman, and a human, and as this my responsibility is to include all that is here manifest on this earth, where i cannot judge any form of what is here, as this is a composition of life, and it is only myself within a limited resonant design that disallows equal consideration for all that is here, through the placement of value judgments on property instead of what is the composition of said property, which is life, one and equal in and as all forms within this existence.

I commit myself to no longer commit to a system of separation through aggrandizement of what can be conquered and divided to allow a few to control eyetems for self interested survival, as this requires separation from life in expression here.

I commit myself to directing myself in common sense of my equality to and as life here, realizing that moving within and as fear is simply a lack of communication and understanding of life in totality, that the only choice is to breath and move within common sense directing within and as this within the principle of equality and oneness.

I commit myself to remaining in and as breath, to hear, to see, to sense what is physically here, to hear here, and forgive the say, as the dictate of a belief of a system that has not supported life, and has in fact failed to support life, evident in the rampart of abuse as the pyramid of separation of an imposed hierarchy of more than and less than called capitalism, or any centralized regime  as all have been ignorant of life support as what has existed is within the say of self survival interest.

I commit myself to physically feel what is physically here and to no longer fear myself as life, to bring all of myself here as life, forgiving the say of eyetem value as self definition.

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