Day 510 Blaming myself and realizing there is no quick fix. Self Forgiveness and Corrective Application

I am looking at two past events, where I was told that my words were not the right ones to use, and another event where i was told that my words were not to be listened to because I was brainwashed, which means what I was saying as words, as tactics, was disruptive.

Within this, I notice a huge self blame moving within me.  And a self righteousness. 

And then a memory comes up of my parents arguing. They are throwing words at one another, and then they suddenly turn to me, and I look at them and say, " you are both saying the same thing, but using different words." This was not what they wanted to hear, and thus, just went back to arguing. 

So, this last time as the words of blame came towards me, I still reacted, but was able to some extent, see my reaction, and just slow down. Within this, I realize I still want to react in protection and self defense and push back in blaming the other for not understanding. I also feel inferior because perhaps it is me, I don't know how to speak, or so I believe. I take the reaction of the other as a threat. I am not immediately understood, and if we look at our present consumerist/entertainment/ all -manner-of-drugs society, we have accustomed ourselves to immediate fixes. Even our medical system is known to stop a symptom but not to address what would cure long term. 

So, if I am busy being this emotionally within, how can I slow down and look at what is built as the words used, and begin to move them, into understanding? To realize tactics towards  problem, solution and thus reward. I am not addressing what might or might not be an explanation that is clear, instead I am protecting myself from accusation that is in itself not slowing down and equalizing understanding. Within this, there is only here, being equal to what is that which enables existence, which is physical reality, thus solution can only be that which does no harm, that which is what is best.In this one can only communicate and reach understanding in physical practical ways, realizing that there is no magical thinking that can solve, only step by step practical movement into equal understanding of how the physical world functions and this, in ways that take that which is good and does not harm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame myself., to become self blame

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear making a mistake.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I cannot be understood.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that  blame is self not wanting to change, which means blame is self not wanting to accept self as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being considered less than.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there is no such thing as a less than, there is only solution within and as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see ,realize and understand that because of accepting and allowing blame, " less than's " have become an accepted paranormal behavior on earth, as there is only, equality and oneness to that which is the composition of life, which is the physical world, as the physical is the formation of life and as such must be respected as life, as a respect is only doing that which does no harm, and taking that which is good.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that animals do not overwhelm the earth, they work in tandem, as nature balancing themselves out in ways that maintain life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I alone cannot convince another person of life, as they must investigate what is here to see, realize and understand what is here on earth within the totality of creation, and asking one person to explain life is self wanting a quick fix, thus the solution is to walk self equal and one in understanding life in totality, as this is common sense.

When and as I find myself wanting to blame, reacting in righteousness as protection and self defense, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that in one aspect, while I remained calm, I explained in more than one way, and because I am showing a process, I get all manner of reactions from ego, and then I try and explain, and the resistance comes up as the mind of limitation, of knowledge and information trying to build an understanding as mind, which is impossible, and thus it is to remain in simplicity, in what will as a singular action, bring self into equality and oneness with and as life, which means being aware of how this physical world is moving as a system in separation at present, from life, here.

When and as I find myself reacting in self blame, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I remain here, in walking myself equal and one to and with realizing a practical application of walking into equality and oneness to and as life, here.

When and as I find myself blaming myself here, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I focus on the movement as the moment in front of me, and I practice walking equal and one as what is best for all, as what supports all life as that which is good and does no harm, here.

Day 509 Facing the Paranoia of the Paranormal

In working with people recently, I noticed reactions within walking a simple process. I realize that the process can seem overwhelming when first presented. One response was, “ I am not as disciplined as you!” another was “ Why can’t the schools do this?” and yet another was “ O, That is a hard one!”  And then afterwards, with a family member, “ you don’t explain this well!” - this being a long rant about what words to use. I didn’t catch the undercurrent, as things are presented within projecting blame, moving what one does not want to face into any facet of reaction, this being screaming a blame, when that scream holds the answer to the problem, or reveals the overall fear. If they are projecting it outward are they really screaming a fear that they believe they lack this, especially when it has to do with slowing down and looking, no matter the context? Is the idea of slowing down and looking always/allways overwhelming at first? I mean, just think of having to learn some new physical action, one has to slow down and place awareness into it. Which means refocusing self. Slowing down and expanding awareness within sensing the measure of something in detail, is the means to an end,  and yet the change to such is like pulling teeth. All manner of resistance comes up. Like an LP record playing and the arm gets caught on the vinyl and drags across the surface emitting a heart piercing screech. I think parents go through this phase within facing change.  How to impart a structured, clear understanding that change is actually a joyful act when done with patience and starting out in small amounts, understanding that the first steps are bumpy, yet the stability is learned with each bump. Without the bumps how does one learn to steady oneself? So, a mistake, is a guide, not a punishment. A mistake leads to the reward of awareness in balance. Conversely, to use mistakes to ascend a ladder is really a crime against life, 

I was so busy trying to steady myself in this storm, I did not listen to the storm. lol.  My starting point was , “oh no, what have I done”. This is a paranoia of the paranormal.  

Day 508 Is self validation as sadness, care or an awareness of ignorance of consequence?

I read a note about placing a memorial on my local highway and I reacted with the thought, “ that is stupid.”  I see these memorials for highway accidents all along my local highway, and I often react to them.  How are they going to bring back the person? What does pity for the person do in common sense? Does this state of being as inner pity solve the deaths? No. Solutions are often based on practical action, not on basking in emotions of loss and the past, and/or blaming this object - as the person who was involved in the accident and lived. Such self direction within is a limitation because it does not look at the consequences of the present system. One example would be to look at human health, if we are physically filled with toxins and our bodies are not functioning with precision and clarity, then we are more likely to, miss judge space and time, for which our human physical bodies are the perfect mechanism. If we as a collective allow globally, practices that pollute the machine of life as the physical world, and we then blame the objects as the physical human bodies sluggish in the perception because of accepted and allowed accumulative effects of practice that do not follow through and balance out nature, we are not addressing what would bring a change that would end so many of the accidents that happen along our highways.

Having said this, I realize that allowing myself to become a singular thought, as a judgement, about highway memorials serves no purpose towards solution.

Also, I realize that there is a social fear about this within me. I noticed that I am irritated because if I speak up about this, I will be reprimanded, and as such, not get the positive energetic experience of “ feel good” emotions that purpose some kind of meaningful value as myself being a compassionate human being. In fact, the reaction will be that I have no compassion, as what I fear. It feels like I am standing against a wall of limitation. Of course, the death of a child is unacceptable, and I wish this upon no one. But, I notice within me a inferiority to reality, a fear that I am somehow less because I will be considered “ bad” if I do not accept joining into the social group making this one event a means of showing care. Somehow, there is something “ wrong” with me because I become disgusted with the emotional outflows that do not address consequences, and then I go into righteousness to protect my point. And then I get stuck in this. And then, the self validation, which is no different than the use of care outpouring that proposes no real intimacy with cause and effect in total on a finite physical world. It is like saying, no one understands. Which is true, understanding is in a box only, and must realize the total “ box” of earth to begin to find solutions. But myself accepting and allowing an energetic self pity patter needs to be let go, forgiven, and a common sense standing in what practices would balance out a capable sense of self direction in physical reality is all I can model and become, one step at a time, here.

Am I within all this, fearing to stand in common sense of a physical world that is a very practical mechanism that is a gift of life, here? Have I allowed the same fear that is a belief that being practical and as such intimate physically not achievable? And do I realize that this fear is simply a movement from a point of separation back into the whole as understanding the physical in practice? Why is it that deconstructing a belief appears disquieting, when that deconstruction is the way and the means of a quiet understanding, this which is what is sought? Even here, it is to not create an idea about this, because ultimately, it is equal understanding of the practice of being a manifestation of life as physical formation that is the solution. If the machine is not realeyesd for what it is, and values made huge to wallow in are in the forefront, the solution of the practice of being life as physical form, is not being understood. To ignore practical reality is to deny life, to avoid looking at total consequence is to defy understanding, the gift that is right here in front of us, or we would not exist. And, if we look around at this world, we can see that denial of a common sense of physical reality leads to the practice of destruction. All we need do is realize the military budget of America to see the extent of our own self denial of the gift of the physical as the formation of life.

The physical world must be taken care of in ways that do no harm. Our profit based system seeks profit before life, and then turns what does not make a profit into more profit making structures, where all liability at present is placed on the collective to pay for with their labor, that which created the wealth in the first place. So, we in essence are addressing our own practices having accepted profit before life. The collective bears what the collective has allowed. The elite that benefit are doing the same as the individuals in the collective, they are basking in a belief of what appears to make them a “ more than” and in effect being consumed by their own separation from common sense of a physical information of life as what life would be, a gift able to be understood, right here in front of us, we need only look.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become the emotion of sadness at the death of a child, only.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that becoming the emotion of sadness is something that defines me, something that gives me value only.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that being sadness as a state of being only, does not in fact take into account the consequences of why what exists in this earth is an outflow of the focus of myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow myself to become the emotion of quilt as though there was something I could have done to have changed the consequence I am allowing to exist as sadness within and as me, not seeing realizing and understanding that this sadness only is myself in separation from being focused, equal and one here, in practical reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe there is something wrong with me if I do not remain within the self pity of sadness, believing this to mean that I actually do care about the world, where this state of being of sadness and the use of this to give myself meaning within and as signifying that I care about this world is an abdication of myself as life, essentially the use of sadness to feel good about myself in and as believing that I care, so the need to make oneself believe that one cares about this world, is in itself an indication that one is very aware that one is not in fact caring about this world, that one is not in fact looking at the effects of one act on the other side of the globe as having an effect on the very fabric of the physical as life here where one lives, and as such a situation that is indeed sad and unacceptable, is used to make one appear to care, when in fact one acts in self interest in protection and self defense of not really being aware of self and one’s acts in the physical world lacking consideration of consequences of one’s actions within the whole.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear pointing out how the whole of what is accepted on earth effects every other point on earth, because this would mean that that emotional/feeling state of being used to justify care would be revealed as an act of self validation, which is self actually being aware that the consequences of self interest are not in fact caring about one’s neighbors as all of earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is something wrong with me if I do not toe the energy party line of energetic emotional/feeling self validating self interest that justifies being a good caring person when in common sense no one would want such events that triggered the sadness to happen to another and as this what is really resisted is the pointing out of the emotional/feeling state of being in self validation of caring, and within this to stop and to look, as one investigates the forms of what exists on earth that are not supportive of life, as meeting the physical needs of a physical formation of life that is practical and mechanistic, and as such, this earth, when not cared for in total, cannot reach its full potential and as such lacks the ability to measure and balance itself with ease, itself, as life within the physical as what is the formation of life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that becoming aware of what is happening on earth is a process, and one that unfolds as one begins to look and realize the practicality of caring for a physical world in common sense, and that the consequences that lead to sad outcomes are self being unequal in awareness to physical reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that becoming equal and one in understanding of equal and one living on a physical world means respecting all physical formation.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that respecting life means being equal and one in thought, word and deed of physical reality, which means remaining stable within and as oneself and looking at the very fabric of the physical world and to take care that the directive of self is that that gives as one would like to receive which means causing no harm and giving solutions that increase a volume of support that enables self directive capacity and self responsibility which is each person in full awareness, equality, and as such full potential here, where no rushing need exist, no  sadness, no miss measure of space time, and as this, an existence of ease of communication with one’s neighbor as a gift of being creators equal and one with the formation of life as the physical is naturally the expression of and as life, here.

Day 507 The ghost in the machine is the ghost on the machine

What is a ghost as a thought but an abstract picture as an idea of our world, this physical concrete world. We can meditate but when we open our eyes, this form as this physical earth remains. 

As mind consciousness systems, we are a machine of ghosts as abstract thoughts that are about our experience here on this physical earth.  We as this, have allowed the abstract picture as mind to become more real than formation of substance into actual form as the physical world.  And as this, we have separated from the very fabric of physical manifestation.  And this world is very mechanistic, as this is how creation works. The magic is in the doing. 

THe mind can show us how much we have allowed ghosts in the machine to determine perception. Have you ever thought about something, been nervous about it, gone and lived the expected experience, and the nervousness BEFORE conceived did not come up in the actual concrete/physical experience? And then you wondered WHY you had any fear to begin with? The “ how” of this preconceived fear was the IDEA about the experience to come - and it was based on a thought that was an abstract interpretation of reality.

The converse of this, is to go into an expected event, feel prepared based on one’s abstract - collection of thoughts as ideas, and have the experience be totally “ other” than expected. As this event happens one becomes very nervous, because what is happening as “ doing” is other than the ghost in the machine as thoughts as ideas as accumulations of knowledge and information, expected. Here, where one may have walked to an event with confidence, suddenly things seem chaotic, putting one off balance. And here, the ghost in the machine as a construct of beliefs, as thoughts, as pieces of perspective,  as pictures of the “ how” of here are not equal to what actually happens. Which means one is not equal to here. Which means one is not equal in understanding how the mind in fact functions. Which means one is equal to the ghost in the machine, a limitation, instead of actual practical concrete, reality.

 So, in many instances, one goes back to the drawing board of one’s abstract and ventures forth again. This, a practice of building understanding of the physical world.  But the problem here, is the race to build an abstract of sense, which is not motivated by realizing that the only choice is to become equal to the physical , with every breath. 

Because our government is obviously NOT a form, at present, that is taking care of this world, it is a “ ghost ON the machine” of the physical that is not EQUAL to practical physical reality. Our government is a manifestation of the ghost IN the machine in each human. It simply manifests the limitations within each of us, in our inequality to the mechanism of life, as the physical.

We can try and pass laws that allow proportion to the whole, as this allowing a voice and determination within the economy of the ecology, but if the individual perspectives as the human are not realizing self as having an abstract/picture as mind as a collection of thoughts as being a ghost in the machine and not physical reality, then the outcome is more distortion that is attempted to be equalized without addressing the starting point as the individual parts of the collective.  

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Day 506 Reacting to words of blame: addressing limitations.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that the words of others define me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that words of others are my responsibility.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am responsible for the focus of another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that the focus of another can determine what and who I am.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the words of another point out characteristics of what is here, and as the mind works, when the mind as a system of value judgements, speaks as an authority, it pushes away the bad through projecting the bad outward and bringing what it believes is of value to hold self in self interest, where self is believed to be the center of existence, the consequence of a system of competition within and as believing that each man is an island despite the obvious; that man is on a physical planet, the form and function of which all life on earth is dependent.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that the paranormal projections of the mind are real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must react to the words of another as the voice of what it is as what I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel responsible for the words of another.

I forgive myself for not  allowing and accepting myself to see words as like a preliminary sketch of the physical world - so to speak- which means that they are not definitive unless I accept and allow them.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see words as a description of what is here, where this can be a good in that it draws attention to looking here, or can be used to protect and defend a “ make believe” reality, through citing values of more than and less than, as self aggrandizement and projected blame instead of solution to here in common sense, as in speaking that which does no harm and takes that which is good.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see words as sound, as an initial description, that can change with each moment, and as this the significance of words can then be taken and directed, or investigated, or transformed to become more concise, or suggestive, but that words, as such, cannot define me, and as such cannot burden me unless I accept and allow them to.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must accept the focus of reality that a series of words describe

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to protect myself from words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that words paint a picture, so to speak, and that that “ picture” is just this, a paranormal image of reality, and as such are not reality, even though words can be a vehicle into becoming aware of reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow words to confuse me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that the blame projected onto me is real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe in blame - to be the lie of being lame.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that blame in no matter what shape and form is not solution, and thus blame is an ignorance of the context of physical reality, a practical physical reality that is the expression of life as what the expression of life would be in all common sense, as this is form, a gift given to be and understand life, equal and one.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see blame as a burden to carry

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become definitive within blame, referencing knowledge and information based on past experience only without a balanced reference to practical physical reality within and as what directs oneness and equality in communication and respect for all life, as the gift of being equal and one in substance.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that blame is a limitation, as a end game, ignorant of practical physical, space time reality and as such can be addressed with practical common sense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that righteousness is  self wanting validation which is an act of not addressing blame but rather reacting to it instead of addressing the limitation of and as blame into solution, which is to place self equal and one to and as the practical physical world, the expression of life, as life would be a form in order to express itself, here, and as such would operate in practical common sense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that being righteous is a separation because it is an act of self validation instead of common sense as self can only give insight when in common sense of that which is the expression of life which is the physical form which operates in visible common sense ways as this is the way and the means of the expression of life.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding that being righteous is always/allways a separation from life, from the gift of and as life, as life is in support of itself an act/expression of absolute giving, thus life as expression is to give absolutely of self as life,anything else is separation.

When and as I find myself believing I have not been clear with my words as a reaction of accepting blame in/through protection and self defense, I stop and I breath and I bring myself here,  to become one and equal within the texture of the physical world.

When and as I find myself reacting in protection and self defense I stop and I breath, as this projection of righteousness, a self accepted entity of pushing away the blame as within this I have accepted and allowed myself to become infearior to life as I have taken the blame personally believing that i am responsible for the blame or will be labeled as the blame and as such an act of separation from the physical practical reality, and I see, realize and understand that blame as limitation and I direct myself within and as what is best for all, which is what is best for the physical world, even if this means taking the time to investigate a solution

When and as I find myself reacting within in protection and self defense, as moving into inferiority into righteousness as the mask of superiority, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down until I can remain within a modicum of ease within and as breath.

When and as I find the corners of my mouth sinking way way down, I stop and I breath, and for the moment, I practice placing myself in humble gentleness within and as breath, here.

When and as I find behaviors of others as criticism, as an emotional storm as what is present around me, directly, I stop and I breath, and at this point I allow this storm to crest and remain equal and one with and as breath, and practice walking the limitation as best I can into what directs the movement into and as grounding one practically equal and one with and as the information of sound as life in common sense of physical reality.

When and as I find a wave of righteousness welling up from my solar plexus, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that at this point I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another and not addressed limitation and separated myself from being a direct memory of life, which is being equal and one in common sense of practical physical reality.

When and as I find myself reacting, I stop and I breath, and I see, realize and understand my own expectations as myself believing in a gain that separated myself from common sense and lead into a protection and self defense as a fear of loss, and I stop and I breath, until I stabilize myself within and as breath, here, as the energy of reaction must be forgiven, and within this to realize that the entity as mind as judgement and the consequences of such must be forgiven, walked and as such cannot be the definition of myself unless I accept and allow it.

When and as I find a weight on my chest, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see , realize and understand that this is going to take some practice and time to unknot.

When and as I find myself weighing myself down in and as a belief of more than and less than, I stop and I breath, and I see, realize and understand that the ease and gentleness to stand within and as what is best for all, is always/allways right here in front of me, and as this I slow myself down and I breath and stabilize myself within and as what is best for all of which moves with ease here.

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Day 505 Resistance to words.

I spent a lot of time working with my younger son in middle school. The memory I have is sitting down and looking at every single paper he had to write. What I did was check if he had structured his papers correctly. I allowed myself to get to a frenzied point of dreading to check his work, going to him and asking him if , for example, this or that was a topic sentence, and if this or that was a detail, or if he had substantiated what he had said enough, etc.etc. etc.. But I had become so anxious about it that I have developed this anxious energy that is triggered whenever I have to read something.

Also, when I returned to school, I had to read a lot of books. Some of these books went on and on and on about teaching experiences in a manner of praising teaching and doing this through citing good moments of success. It was a song of how good a person was, and it would go on and on and on and on. And I would read the book because I believed that i had to read every word given to me for the class, that perhaps in all the self aggrandizement there was one sentence that had a point, and I did not want to miss that point. People do and can say very insightful things, but sometimes there is so much fluff around their words it is like wading through mud to get to them. But then, again, this is the mind, filled with the molasses of good and bad, self justification and self validation, and one walks the vortex of separation until finally some point comes through as that person walks through experience all the way back to themselves. Such a waste of time really. And a catch twenty two, because we are supposed to accept this, but this is what needs to be cleaned up. It really is unacceptable. And I am caught in this just as much as anyone. And, this is used to slow down and waste the very life in each of us. It is how the media touts a truth and buries it in half truth/unclear associations that consume life as one spends one’s life sorting through what should be clear, what should be self equal and one with physical reality.

So, because this was not clear to me, and I am not saying that I can catch this every time, because I am conditioned to accept the spin of association or I will be considered rude, when what is rude is the spinning of associations that take attention/focus away from common sense of physical reality. Which means popping bubbles of good and bad values, and getting to the heart of the situation. Which means, standing stable within this, not reacting to the reactions, bringing it all back to common sense.

So, I realize that I have my own values, as judgements attached to reading words, because of these emotional reactions I had in the past within working with my son and reading texts that were filled with a person talking about how wonderful their experiences were, instead of being direct, within what they were doing. And, within this, to realize that there are people who love reading such things, like a romantic novel, wallowing in the endless description of good feelings, where there is then a dip into a possible loss of the ideological picture, that is then a movement of conflict with that ideology that is then brought back resolved, back to the ideological picture. A kind of orgasmic tension and release, via imagery as idea, as mind, very limited in detail, and as such, never able to be lived, thus the book world becomes an alternate reality one escapes to, that does not match physical reality. And physical reality is never lived, one’s sensation of the physical is never realized.

This reaction to words within me is also tied to my mother. I have been told that I am supposed to be compassionate to the emotions and feelings of another, and it is like sitting and “ reading” the same kind of book that goes on and on in self validation. For years, I would become so restless, dreading to have to do this, even thought I could not explain why precisely. And, many times I would put my foot in my mouth - so to speak- because I would call out the point of what was being said before the person got to wallow their way to the point. 

I was at this party, and the man of the house, walked me around to look at all his creations, they were these framed boxes of sectioned trinkets. Each little square had many of the same object. They were very well done. And fun to look at for a moment. The craftsman ship was cool. I enjoyed them. Then we sat down to dinner and he leaned close to me and started to tell me his story, the story of his relationship to his father. I listened. Then it dawned on me that his story was to same story written in books about the father/son relationship. I did not want to hear this pitty patter, I wanted to join in the group conversation. It all happened so fast, it appears slow here because writing is so linear, but in the moment it was more a quantum thought - so to speak. Anyway, I looked at him and said, “ oh, that is Kafka’s story.” Silence. The man had a look on his face like a deer in headlights. More silence. he never spoke to me again. Would not even say hello at the beach parking lot.  I had in one moment unspecialized his story. oops.

Hey, maybe there would have been the tiniest degree of difference, and maybe I would have learned some measure of awareness. But I honestly don’t think so, and, AND, that awareness could have been shared within the group, as an addition to the conversation of the group having a dinner together. Perhaps, the group interaction would have required that the insight from his experience in life be made more concise, more direct. Because, participation in a group demands sharing the space of life, which would balance out tendencies to make one’s emotions and feelings bigger than reality. If I take this and place it in the context of the present system, then we can realize that inequality, where money is directed by a few, instead of from each point of the ground, through purchasing power,  then perhaps the poverty and the abuse we are all allowing to exist would not exist, because the voice of each would balance out inequality, and give the insight of all physical form’s perspective. As it is, it is like we ignore the total fabric of the physical world, and as such limited our awareness of life. And we end up listening to a very limited awareness of life and/or this awareness is spread out and not shared because our feel good emotions are made bigger than reality, as we are not using our heart to sense reality, as the physical world. Instead we hold onto ideas, like we make a trophy of a limited insight/perspective. I mean, this is what advertising does, and it impulses it again and again, filling the vessel of ourselves up, clouding direct seeing in common sense of reality.

I have created an entity as a belief within myself about reading words. I have expectations that the words are unclear, full of fluff. I mean if anyone reading this has ever listened to Liszt’s Faust, or played this piece, you might understand. That piece was like wallowing in the same emotion again and again and again. it was a relief when I no longer had to perform this piece. Even thought I realize I cannot allow myself to become a reaction to such. And within this, I cannot be pride, or arrogance about this, other wise I become the ego I criticize. Because the only thing that is real, is here, this moment, equal and one to and as being a physical  being on a physical planet that operates in practical common sense ways. It must be realized that if every human, became equal and one to physical reality as the value, then life would be fun. 

I, in the mean time - lol - I allowed, will have to slow myself down and self forgive the anxiety I accepted and allowed in reference to reading words. And, to realize when I am reading something that is not to the point, to not react and either make the choice to not continue reading, or continue reading without reactions. And to forgive the judgement that is a memory of myself allowing the checking of my son’s writing as being tedious, when all it was was checking the form and practicing making it clear. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become ansi at the idea of having to listen to another’s words and/or read words on a page.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel overwhelmed within having to check the homework of my children.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that in reading another’s words, or to have to listen to another’s words is like being in a prison that i cannot escape from.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel like listening to another’s words is like having bullets being pelted on my chest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to resist words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to get a headache at the idea of having to listen to another’s words, or read another’s words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an expectation that reading words is going to be tedious.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that words are cumbersome.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not want to look at words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to view words as a burden, as something that cannot change.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to view words as like a piece of music coming out of someone’s mouth where I am required, as a woman, to accept such words and if I don’t I will be considered difficult, or lacking in compassion.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to go into righteousness in reaction to this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in reacting to such I am not addressing the form placed in front of me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see words as something etched in stone.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold onto words as though they are un-mutable.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to fix words, which is myself wanting to etch words in stone.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want words etched in stone as a protection and self defense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take words seriously, and or not take them seriously.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react in anger to words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react with indignation towards words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is one form for words, where in reality, words are like water, they change and reorder as in answer to the changing form of reality and perspective sharing of the physical world, as aspects of the physical world are brought forward to focus in a moment to build understanding of physical reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become the opposite of righteousness, which is an abdication of using words, as in believing myself to be incapable of using words,  which is myself allowing a belief of being wrongedness - as there is no other word that i can think of in the moment to describe the opposite of righteousness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become the opposite of righteousness, in and as believing myself to be worthless.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, at times, become neutral, as in becoming a silence of giving up, as in believing the point of being clear to be an impossibility, and within this to not see, realize and understand that I am in effect wanting a “ etched in stone” truth when such does not exist, as words are at the moment, an abstract of reality, forming a picture of the concrete, the actual real supportive physical world, and as such will change within what is focused on in the moment, and the awareness that is discovered as one becomes equal and one to and with, and as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a voice in and as my mind, that is the words “ it is not my fault”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that it is not my fault.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel guilt and shame for not having respected words and directed them in ways that do no harm, for not having used words in ways that make clear instead of having used words in protection and self defense, here I pushed away a “ bad” as a judgement onto another instead of addressing the projected bad into a correction that brought insight and understanding of being equal and one with and as what is real as the physical world, and or, to have used words to focus all those around me onto a good based on an experience or object that I owned as in having lived the experience or owning the thing that is considered something that makes a person a “ more than” in society.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i must be punished for causing harm through not being self honest with and as being equal and one in consideration of physical reality being the value as the substance of life, where the pain in the realization that I hurt others, and as such hurt myself are one and the same, and as this, it is to realize that the pain is the separation, and thus the correction is to stand equal and one in common sense in thought word and deed with and as the physical, as what is real, and to walk the steps to become equal and one with and as life, for which the physical is the measure of and as, the gift of life, to become equal and one to and as life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have used the wealth of the physical, as the resource of myself to be life, and the resource of my labor as the use of words , as “ la” is the note “a” and thus, “ a” Bore, and as such a lesser substance that bore no real witness to life, and as such became a burden as a cross reference in self interest instead of becoming a cross reference with the very focus of myself onto , equal and one with, the actual real physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be ashamed of the rejection of life that was the expression of myself as the words I spoke, creating an entity of unworthiness hidden by righteousness, where I masked my own shame within a feeling/emotion of helplessness and sense as a belief that life is impossible, instead of standing equal and one with and as the physical, the wealth given as a gift to equalize myself to and as life, and using that which I used to separate myself into that which can as life common sense what is best for all here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that this is all very sad.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have believed that others rejected or pushed me away, or attacked me, when others were doing the same as I  and as this to blame or spite another for what i have done, is not bringing myself in alignment and standing in patience, humility and careful stability within and as the practice of being oneness and equality with and as a common sense of what is best for all within the principle of equality, which is practical consideration of physical existence in ways that value all life and as such, actions that do no harm to any living thing.

When and as I find myself reacting to words, written and/or spoken, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that words are sound, that are a model of here, or a model of a belief, opinion and idea, a model of an entity that is unequal to and as a common sense of physical reality and as such to not react but to listen and , bring the words back to self, to walk a process of self correction where there is no reaction of righteousness, worthlessness, judgement in protection and self defense in fear of loss as separation within limitation as inequality to life, and as a belief that being here, is impossible as in not what is wanted, where this “ not what is wanted” is the paranormal as the mind inferior to life.

When and as I find myself reacting to words, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I look at the description of words in relation to what is real, as the physical world, as what directs within and as what is best for all the movement and expression of physical reality, as this physical reality is the form and thus composed of the expression and substance of life here, without which I cannot breath and be here, this the physical- is life, is the form and being of myself here, and as such the ideas, beliefs and opinions in and as my mind must be cross referenced with the physical with every breath, here.

When and as I find myself reacting to another, to a situation, I stop and I breath, and i slow myself down and I see, realize and understand the limitation to here, as the words, to and towards understanding rejection of self direction and thus self honesty to here, to what directs self within and as what does no harm and as such what supports that which allows the expression of life in form and function as the physical, thus to direct my words to be clear and a direct image and likeness of what is actually real as the physical.

                       DIP Lite Self forgiveness, writing, and self corrective application. Bring the white noise of the mind back into practical physical reality to become equal and one to and as life as                  

                                           the physical.

Day 504 Self Forgiveness on the thought " Now look what you have done."

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow the voice in and as my mind, to go into believing that I have done something wrong as I blame myself for reactions in another, as though what I said and what I did was the cause of the reaction.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that a  emotional/feeling reaction within myself, or within another is generated by the source of the reaction, and as blame is rejection of self responsibility.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is something wrong with me when and as I face emotional and feeling reactions in others within and as a belief that I am the cause of the reaction.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought, as the voices in and as my mind, from parents and society, in and as a belief as the words “ now, look what you have done”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become the belief as the words “ see what you have done”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become self-blame/blame, whether it is myself or another, or  as the voices in and as my mind from past events where the voice of “ see what you have done,” triggers past events of same behavior of self-blame/blame all of which are acts of limitation and libel and not self within and as being self directive within solution that brings ease and equality of understanding in practical common sense of the physical world in ways that do no harm and support all life to be and become what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to then hide this belief as this self-blame, which is blame overall, in and as the words “ now see what you have done,” and to become inFEARior to this, and as such, allow a frustration of lack and limitation that is stagnant and non-directive in common sense of solutions that are evident on a physical planet that is in all common sense what the formation of life in expression would be.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to then deny that such blame can exist as me, in denying the blame though behaviors of  hiding the blame, instead of addressing overall why an act of blame exists, where blame is really, in totality, a signature as an act of denial into solution and resolution within looking at the form and function of the very fabric of existence and realizing in common sense what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that just as with myself , a reaction to blame, as a protection and defense of “ no I did not” or “ yes you did,” is a storm in a teacup of protection and self defense, either of which are acts of blame and not of solution within and as realizing the limitations that cause the lack of being specific  and as such directive within and as what is best for self, as in building self awareness of practical reality form and function, within and as realizing the only solution is what is best for all, this being supportive of all life, as life is the value.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand when and as I become protection and self defense within and as the belief that a “ wrong” has been done. which when I allow this to become myself as a belief , or the act of another, I allow a limitation where the solution is to look at the limitation and be specific within and as what equalizes what is in essence a rejection of the capacity of self to become self responsible as in giving what is best for all, as what is best for self is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that when and as I become an idea that I have done something wrong, I am allowing myself to remain as a belief that there is something to win, something to gain, and/or the polar opposite that there is potential for loss, or judgement, and that this will be branded as what I am, all of which is limitation and ignorance of physical practical reality and the capacity of self as the very substance of life to become a movement in and as solution, which is the choice of equality, in and as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in allowing myself to become self-blame/blame I am in effect becoming an ego and dividing myself into beliefs of superiority and inferiority that is a state of being in limitation as it has no directive capacity within and as solution which is to look here in common sense of practical physical reality, where the GPS as the abstract of what I am within is one and equal in common sense of what is best for physical existence in form and function as that which does no harm and supports the value being life in expression.

When and as I face reaction as blame within or without, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I look at the existent fear as the limitation that is the reaction and I bring this back to self to see, realize and understand in specificity why blame exists and why the act of spite as blame exists, as this is wanting to push away a bad, as an idea, where the idea is itself a limitation lacking connection in practical common sense of physical reality.

When and as I find myself tensing up in the face of blame and spite, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I look at the object of blame and address the limitation and the ambiguity within the limitation and I walk this limitation into understanding a practical solution in common sense of what is best for all, which means grounding myself within and as the physical world as the expression of life,

When and as I find myself sinking into impossibility as an emotion within and as me, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I address the problem through directing into solution within and as the principle of what is best for all, which means realizing that blame is a consequence of inequality to a physical world that functions in practical ways, where harm is visible and what supports in and as causing no harm is able to be understood by all men.

When and as I find myself reacting as uncertainty, which manifests as a sinking feeling pressing down on the middle of my chest between my shoulder blades,where my heart rejects common sense of myself as life, and I revert to a protection and defense  morality as righteousness from my thighs as justification through limited values to hide a sense of un-worthiness to life  building in my solar plexus  as the vessel of my accepted and allowed thoughts of “now look what you’ve done”  which is myself accepting a blame that was done from a starting point of an idea as a good/gain, that was a separation from equality and oneness, with and as the physical world, where the value is being life, of which all is the same.

When and as I find myself  wanting to play the savior, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I realize in all common sense that I can only stand equal and one with what is right here in front of me, and investigate, if I am uncertain within and as what is best for all to direct myself here, equal and one to and as the physical which is the creation and expression of life, here.

When and as I find myself believing that there is a more than, other than here, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and realize that anything other than here, than hearing here, is an illusion in and as the mind, as energy, and as such limited in substance, and unequal to life.

When and as I find myself becoming tired and wanting to go to sleep, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I go easy on myself within and as the process of aligning myself equal and one as a  direct memory equal and one with and as the physical, and that this tiredness is resistance to change , into and as a silence that has the capacity to hear everything as it is the substance of no-thing.

                        DIP Lite Journey To Life - FREE