Monday, August 6, 2012

Day 111 Love is the admission of fear


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that fear will create a distance
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that fear creates distances between people
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is distance between people
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am distant from another
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that my own feeling of un worth is a belief that I am distant from others
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that when and as I feel unworthy as though I am doing something wrong all that exists is a distance through and as fear with another
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my own feeling of un-worth is a belief that I cannot reach another because I could not reach my father or my mother, where I did not even try with my mother as she was the one who held the paddle and my father was the one who used the words, who cried with his words
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that when my father would come for apology I would feel absolute disgust and I did not want him to touch me, to hug me, yet after he did this I was glad, I was once again free for a while.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that distance I feel between myself and others is my fear of becoming one and equal with them in and as a fear of rejection from them
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this distance is a distance of fear
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I am in fear I am at a distance from what is real from looking at what is here, from seeing what is here
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that fear takes one on a journey, distancing one from what is actually physically here,
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that those years I was told I needed a man, was a slow progression from myself here, from my common sense into and as starting to look at other men and thinking thatI needed a man, when I would say to myself that I do not.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I need a man
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that the distance is the illusion of the mirage, the mirror age of fear, as the mirror distorts what is real and creates and age, a story a time warp, where time and warp are one and equal, as time warps, the very presentation as the idea of time and warp coupled together actually separates the two in and as our minds where the two are  actually one, as time warps, the subject and the verb joined, as one.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see that the distance from myself creates the sense of unworthiness and thus I am no longer here, my un worth is the diminishment into and as the reflection of an idea and not myself here as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that to believe in love is to be fear, to separate from myself here into and as a mirror image in and as an idea in separation from what is here, from what is physically here as life, as myself as life in common sense of life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this mirage as a time warp is myself in fear, where I have to move the image of what i fear and myself as though I move two worlds, the world of this physical existence and the bubble of my fear as the story of my fear, as the gloom and doom of my fear, where I am not here in common sense of this physical world, thus my fear is my separation.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that the program that I exist as is to separate myself from myself as life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I become the image and likeness of what is expected of myself here, in and as the characters we are taught to be, to survive, as these characters are meant to become polished images of what is success within a system of division through economic inequality, the very nature of myself as life is suppressed into and as what will allow myself to survive, and this system of survival is limited by design and does not consider the nature of the expression of men, but instead makes of woman - for example- the belief that being anything other than a barbie doll means little chance of success, where, like in a factory, the pressed out dolls do not always fit and are deformed, or don’t make it to affluent neighborhoods and do not have a chance of being sold etc, and thus are cast away, or sold into conditions where they are not taken care of etc. thus there is only opportunity for the few as this world does not organize and practice what is best for all, what supports all life, and uses an image to distort and create a mirage, a mirror image as memory to age and diminish what is real, in separation from life, where the more we become the image and likeness of what SELLS the greater the distance we are from ourselves.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that I cannot speak through the distance
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that I am at a vast distance from others
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is some great distance between me and others, the people around me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this distance is in and as the mind, in separation from life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize this as I have continually had these moments of sudden vertigo where I was looking down from above as a picture in and as my mind, and then the fear came, the falling, for the last days I have had these images of a great distance coming up and then I would fall.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe there is distance between myself and another
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in allowing myself to believe that something is unreachable, I am creating a distance, and that this distance is an illusion as everything is right here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that I cannot get others to hear me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that others, that life is at some great distance form me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I cannot see life here, as this distance is the measure of belief, opinion and idea in separation from common sense here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that love is fear, that love is grasping and holding onto something into an effort to not become separated when it is the allowance and acceptance of role play, of the process of polishing one’s self up to survive that creates the distance from life here, from common sense here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that in physical fact there is not distance between my self and another, but the idea, belief and opinion in which I cloak myself in and as through the judgement of myself in relation to a norm that is the exception to common sense of life as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my desire is my drug to fulfill and maintain my separation, as I become accustomed to the distance as I learn to move within the distance and thus am limited in my ability to conceptualize the whole and the life as me, needs outlet as it is not directed, thus do I need an image and likeness - as a fixation- with a tube of “evacuation” attached to release the non use of myself in totality, where this is seen within how the human has created this system on earth, where there is so much waste, as how what is here is used is not considering the totality of the nature of the resource and thus creates waste as a belief that this waste is not usable as this part of what was used is not seen, as the form of what was used is not comprehended in common sense.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize, see and understand that my own constrictions are the di-use of myself here in common sense.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize there is no distance and thus there is not need to fear.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am far away from life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I am here where, within this, the illusion is the distance, the fear is the distance, and fear is belief in distance, and saying “I love you” is reinforcing the separation from here, thus, to say “ I love you” is to be in fear, in separation from here.


I commit myself to realizing that the act, in and as a belief, that one must tell another they “love” them is a separation from what is here and thus one and the same as saying I am fear.
I commit myself to realizing that to speak the words “ I love you” is the admission of fear, of separation from life here.
I commit myself to realizing that if I am not one and equal to another than I am in separation from life and thus I am existing within and as fear,
I commit myself to realizing that love is not something that needs to be said, or proved, as if one is one and equal to life here, realizing that life is the value, every act, every deed would be the support of what is best for all, and thus would the very being of self , as life, be the very sound of the word love in and as the expression of self in totality.

1 comment: