Day 848 Steering through a spell of emotions.

At the moment, within and as realizing what a “ living word” means and does, it is more to realize what words I am actually living. Am I living an idea, a projection, a shadow of an idea or am I living a focus that is steady and clear, as in being in consideration of all that is here? If I notice an avoidance towards something, then I must be living something ( and this is not in relation to something like avoiding a physical flame because I know that would burn my hand!).  Do I have the courage to process what I am being defined as within myself and at the same time, stand stable within and as what acts of resistance I experience within myself in real physical space? An act of resistance is in itself an admission of seeing. Such a lot of effort to ignore the present. That makes no sense. 

There comes a point where one must move, and perhaps it means moving without moving. It means to remain grounded no matter what and then to move as that state of being grounded. It is to say it requires no doubt and the realization that not every interaction with another will be as of yet as good as it could be - yet the only way to realize, to manifest something in real time that is of a living movement, requires one to actually do it. This is where one lives a thing, without thin-king. That realization that what is of life can not be destroyed in many ways, because the potential of life is a constant ,meaning in a way, real form and function that is of giving, as in finding stability in purpose, is what would be a living experience. I mean what is an “ a” and what is a “ b” ? What are these things that most probably, like pressure on a string agitated by the hair of a bow, can cause a different reaction in a crowd of people in a room. I mean I have played with this. I just slightly change the intensity of the generated sound to test the response of the crowd. At the end of the day, what generated more attention was the extent to which I attended to what I was doing in its totality. As though that physical state of being focused - which in itself generated a kind of ease and stability - was what drew in attention more than attempting to manipulate the reactions of a group. Yet, attention onto the group and their reactions was perhaps, at the same time, a part of the process of being focused on the instrument as the physical reality is as the in-form-ation of life as the physical. 

I sense a pressure coming from my back area. That is ego, that is energy, it appears like a pushing down, that action learned when? It sweeps into my chest area, it is a movement. It is a personality. A personification. Or, a practice experienced in the past, seemingly invisible and anonymous. A-non-I moss/must/muse? Okay, where did I start? I started with the living word, what it means to live that. And avoidance. That pushing down movement that is like a sweeping in of something, and within that a repose of S-weeping - ness. 

How many “ DON”T DO THAT!” experiences did I have as a child, a baby, a toddler ? I could say that movement has a pulse like quality to it. lol, Then  I ask myself if I am beginning to create another “ thing” as this within me. 

Twice I remember greeting a couple of politicians. Senators in their space after giving some talk. Once was at a local meet and chat situation. They always appear to have men in suits standing around them. One can walk through that as those suited men assess one- checking for resonances or most probably physical “ tensions” in their role as protectors of the politician. In a way one can see them moving through their inner filing systems. It is not really any different than performing on a stage. I wish I understood this as a child - yet I did do some things that were an understanding of this, and most often I did not think too much about them. We all have these moments, it is more normal - the state of being in an emotional inner storm is the state of being abnormal. If we understand that difference, we would change this world system in short order. It is but a breath away. This and that we as humans do want to get along and participate in creation. That is our real essence. 

I can see where the creation of role play as a politician or administrator in a system where that role remains in a set group of people, in a box, is that rat cage scenario. Such a form can cause separation from reality. And the inner “ rats” in that cage forget about reality and become polarized in their desires within the immediate environment as the other humans in the environs. The very design causes the problem. Lao Tzu understood that the moment one has a government one is already lost. It is necessary for politicians and administrators to change, or rather to go back into the living existence outside of a petrie-dish because their groupie-group gets isolated and loses sight of the greater whole. The fact that we pay taxes and allow such a form to make decisions with that digitized value of labor and resource use, is astounding in itself. As I understand Ronald Reagan to have said, that there is a cap on what a government can “ take” being at 15%. If we look at all the things we pay for, it is well beyond that- hidden in numerous fees. Then when the digits are not enough, more is printed and the overall value goes down with those with their hands in the printing, purchasing up resources with those additional digits as the ones who do the actual creating of things losing out. We must begin to realize that nothing can actually be owned, we are stewards of what is here. How has a veil of misinformation become so rampant in our reality today that we argue for useless masks and ignore the greater numbers of humans and plants and animals that are starving, or even that Americans are starving in an illusion of food abundance?  I think these “ lockdowns” are that Rumplestiltzkin is being called out by name! The addicted-to-power/control are in great fear of losing their larping! ( larping means LIVE ACTIVE ROLE PLAY)  It appears that Biden’s larping is consuming his body to the extent he no longer has enough substance to maintain the personification! He is going into dysfunction mode.  From my local experience, the 80 something people I know recognize the decline because they have experienced it in their age group.  It also begs the question as to how many of our words are formed. How many of our words are acronyms of behavior where we cannot remember the origin of the word? Overall, are words the system of the mind? Simply an expeditious way of conveying information, where that conveyance has also caused separation because it allows for manipulation in itself? And yet words are structures in themselves? 

I realize that we build awarenesses of things. Our presence into a structure must be clear, as we build that pathway of connection because we sense the space. Words can help us structure such to convey that awareness, especially if that is clear within us, because that state of avoidance means we see. We must master words because of where we are at. If one’s inner awareness avenues are clear, we can share them with ease and patience. I find we have more patience when we are more clear in our awareness. We increase in our processing ability, to the extent we can exponentially cross reference our awareness and absorb the new. We can also fall into a trap of automation. In a way, it is to remain present, as in cross referencing our awareness with the known in every moment. That is what one does within a discipline - more visible when the trap of automation begins to happen - and yet, perhaps this happens often in our works today because there are boundaries in relation to opportunities. One must never allow one’s self to become bored. It seems like a conundrum but actually it is not. It is perfect in its function. 

Why am I looking at this? Because the contrast helps me realize the difference between using a constant and consistent cross reference without protection and instead more problem solving directives, or realizing balance, or sensing what would align in more solid and stable directional movement. Another way is to say to myself that I am allowed to be this and do this. No one will give this to me but myself. I remind myself of steering a rather large sailing vessel. This requires a constant attention to all the physical factors on the water. It takes a consistent attention - as I said. It appears difficult only because our present system is one that constantly scatters our focus, and yet we allow it - and, a lack of being focused on the physical is somewhat disconcerting at first because I think it must be like being placed in solitary confinement as what one has been, as allowed, becomes more obvious. 

It is like a person who encounters a spider and freaks out. If they were to attempt to focus on the spider and remain calm, the difference of their resonant beliefs would be realized and countering that would take will power. A will power that is so entrenched in the practice of a reaction that countering that resonance would appear to be overwhelming. Yet, one cannot really say a person has no will power, because it took a will to become that reactive fear full of projections - mostly of doom and gloom, as ideologies divorced from reality. It is one thing to say this, another to apply it. One must first realize what motivates one’s body.  Remember a baby must learn to direct its body. It has gotten to the point where I can actually say this to people despite reactions. I would have been terrified to speak up against one’s inner programmed directives because that is considered a “hurt” to be in disagreement. When in reality it is the opposite. Interesting enough, it is a disagreement of agreement, where no force is necessary, meaning no self-protection, or no self validation, or no agitation. It has a quality of great patience. 

This is that point again, as a pattern in writing these things out where shame comes up. It is a deep shame. As though a part of self was lost. It realizes so many losses, and yet behind that loss is also a tiny flicker of joy.  It is uncovering a cyclical nature of self practiced and mastered avoidance tactics. And yes, this is how we work. We cannot blame anyone for our own experiences. We must be the fool, and stand up once again no matter what has happened to us.  What I find most interesting within the African American community is the at an essential level, the human being that is the life within knows this too. Because of that, we know that the race game is one of distraction. 

Day 847 Letting go and letting be.

As happens at times, I will read an explanation of something that I have read before but my interpretation will be different. I will suddenly see another dimension of something. It is a process of acceleration in that one is processing what is here, be it a physical thing, or a piece of information. One recognizes the patterns or, requires less to process the overall form. In that moment something comes forward around the form. It is a process of being able to hold something and look at it from different angles while at the same time relating that to the greater whole. 

I can see where distractions in so many forms in today’s world can slow this process way down, that in itself consuming attention to the extent one is caught in maintenance and dealing with the outer world. It is actually a form of psychological war-fare. Demonizing one thing at the expense of others, is what we do when we ignore the physical, this earth. The illusion of some far off god is really a crime against life, especially when the principle in all religions is to give as one would receive,  which means to respect all things, to look at, or connect with, or recognize all things, which requires being present and here. Here is a physical reality. That reality requires the fabric of it to support it. The whole idea that we humans must pay to exist is probably one of the biggest slight-of-hands ever created!  Do trees pay to exist? Do deer pay to exist?  Are we paying to exist because we are participating in raping the resources without consideration of the environment? Are we actually paying for the abuse we are participating within? Like we are paying to rape this earth because we know we are raping this earth and as such our payment is basically a punishment for the rape we allow within and as every product we purchase without thought and recognition of where that product exists from in all the necessary steps of its creation? 

The extent to which we/I have created some ideology, resonant within, that there is some higher state of being, on/in/of some distant “ space” where a higher “ self “ will eventually come to be is an illusion, a distraction, a lie. 

I read a comment where someone was holding such a concept within them and speaking it out with such certainty is was astounding.  It is stagnant in a way, because it is a belief which has a bit of truth to it, that this person has a “ higher” self that is somewhere out there, and will eventually be the place this person will go to, meaning that higher self being  a state that can only exist somewhere else. I can just see the focus of the body and the attention in the eyes not being present, a huge resonant bubble of belief, in the form of a vortex and/or film around the body of this person writing. I suppose we cannot unsee what we have seen. To some extent, I remember my father having a dinner party with “ ghost busters” years and years ago, where it was said in a moment that heaven could not be trusted. A few years later, I experienced a moment where I realized everything I knew was a lie. Existence took up a lot of my time, and yet, in moments, I would purchase books looking for descriptions of my experiences. In once instance it took about ten years but I finally found it. That book became a treasure to me because I kept this part of myself to myself. When I began to speak up about it, I would shake so bad it was incredible to me. It brought forward other questions. Too bad this was not realized when I was young, yet I am thankful for some recognition at the moment. It is, overall, less painful to speak up than to remain in hiding. 

There must be very deep roots within me, as resonant constructions, of a fear of speaking against that imagined “ god.” There is also the realization that a steadiness can be created, or allowed to let be, as standing and speaking up in focus of reality here, and at the same time in recognition of the fractionalized separation into limited and stagnant processing of information - this which has a quality, or temper, or feel to it. The words must be aligned to the living flesh as this living resource called earth. This earth is the real magic in action. The over-use of the imagination into a layered picture show creates a vortex of separation from being focused here in this practical living reality. When I get to this point there remains a part of me that wants to weep in sheer shame of my own rejection of life. These cycles or time loops of belief within me. 

When my husband died, when I found him, a part of my inner statement to myself as what I was being was that something so magnificent could be lost. How could I have such a thought unless I realized it within myself? The next thought being that I could never tell a lie again and that the process of walking that would be very long and very hard! Had the pieces of space that had come through the cracks of my own resonant storm accumulated to the extent I had then accelerated the process simply in making the choice to do so? And how could one cause the same in others? Because ultimately the patterns are the same, and self realization is what each and everyone desires.

I am writing this out to realize more of what it means to stand as a living word. A relationship to what is here in the practical, as in realizing that I am life and that this life is physical - with some recognition at the same time that our systems at present, consume our attention through so many invisible ideologies. A virus is invisible, and in many accounts has never been seen. Our “ gods” are invisible. Our natural world is filled with some invisible evil - this a distraction from a realization that we are the physical, which cannot really be owned but by some idea. Our latest war was based on an idea of terrorism. Where to hide the truth but in plain sight, through projecting the blame onto some unnamed, anonymous entity? That gives a lot of grey area to play in. So many things are general instead of specific. Even our school systems base their program selections on studies done in isolation using practices established from other studies done long ago and that are unable to be duplicated. How many parents actually investigate this when looking at what their schools are doing in detail?  If one goes to a school committee meeting there is basically no one there - myself having been a parent who did not attend such meetings. The meetings themselves formulated in a way where a speaker has a limited amount of time to make a case. This a necessity because so many of us are emotional and our processing speeds are stagnant so it takes an effort to speak up. Emotional speaking is a lot like being in a soup. It is no wonder children begin to play with that soup and manipulate to no longer trigger a reaction from that resonant storm. I mean, compare this to the realization that children are not born racist or sexist or classicist ! Would such beliefs within slow down a natural ability of pattern recognition? 

As well, this contrast within being able to organize things, meaning to get all the necessary things in order to complete a task. We have all done such things, as cooking or gardening is such a process. 

When things become complicated most likely there are some unprocessed beliefs getting in the way of walking a process to accomplish a goal. What is necessary in such a situation is to purify and realign one’s words, to remove the polarized beliefs of value that exist in a form or protection and defense for manipulating that resonant state of ideologies separate from reality. They are there determining one’s movement and distracting one from realizing what is of stability and constancy,  what requires no remembering, what is an ease of knowing. 

If our words are clear, our intentions are more clear and as such, more able to be heard. This would take time and repetition, not so much to memorize the information, more to experience something that as I see it at the moment, to experience something that cannot be unseen. Something that enables one to recognize one’s attention to limited relationships, evident in the limited and stagnant moving utterances from a human locked in being way up their in an over-used imagination causing separation and fragmentation in their presence. 

What I ask myself is why I have had realization that nothing can define me but what I allow, mostly realized in moments with others where I suddenly realized what they were saying did not define who and what I am, and, even feeling incensed that such an attempt would be made, which is another form of distraction in itself! A deep anger at this, something I think I absorbed from my father - his degree of caring on another level being evident in certain moments of insight - funny how there is a correlation between the extent to which someone is reactive and the opposite potential of being incredibly insightful in other moments. 

There is space here, and that space allows one to process things. Within that space there is more space to realize an awareness of more than limited thinking as one’s shield of protection and defense in a moment. I supposed there is an underlying horror of becoming a spaced out, slow moving thing as a personality. Why this is coming up in this moment with such words, may be from some distant memory. Within my own anxieties is a sense of being strung out into some stagnant thing that has me feeling like I will be buried in a coffin, one of that same anonymous invisible design. And this before any value judgements where developed according to the environment in which I was born. 

I can see where understanding this would lead to greater patience, and allow more fun to be utilized in relation to standing more as a beacon of stability, of constancy and calm. I can see where this understanding would lessen a fear of facing limitation and realizing that an insistence and intensity in a focus of a person would be more realized as something that cannot define myself here, and at the same time realizing that buried in that is a potential that is projected outside of the self ( to keep it safe?) and to realize how to walk that back into recognition and self acceptance. This, done with a steady kindness, because it is understood into a form of knowing without an attachment of a fear of loss of such ability.  I look at kindness because in some ways, what i know as aggressive behavior is somehow not where I want to go. I liken it to playing a video game where one must become silent and watch the patterns before moving the figure through the revolving door in the video game.  It is like playing music, one listens, gets the tempo and joins - and not in a rushed or aggressive way. One just slides right in! 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being caught in a resonant construction of limited and spaced out and stagnant information.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being caught in a box, a resonant storm of energy, of and as an elevation of “thought.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separation myself from myself in relation to avoiding being stuck in a resonant box, making such a thing a huge thing, and as such running from such a thing, instead of standing in equality and oneness with and as my perception to see realize and understand that which would ground the moment in ways that diminish or dis-spell such a state of being.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear such a thing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to hide from such.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel overwhelmed in relation to addressing or being exposed to such a thing, making it larger than life, instead of standing in recognition of such a thing to dis-spell the spell that is a projection from within the physical body of the person.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be paranoid of the paranormal. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to run from such a resonant entity, and to then pretend I did not understand such a thing, when there within this I already knew that I had allowed this, and could therefore blame no one but myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to remember the desire I had that motivated such a movement to create such an inner resonant body that I pretended was following me yet knew was already within and from me, as the focus in the memory  was more of an idea of a holy ghost in the machine as a thing - to run from. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be occupied by these ideas, and within that to not see realize and understand that means of my own distraction, as I hide in fear of my own construction, as realizing what the motivating desire was within that initial movement.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand the extent with this, in and as a fear of confrontation, when in effect, I have actually seen this to the extent in a moment I realized that nothing could define myself here but what I allowed where in that moment, I realized that everything, everything I had been lead to believe was a lie, and within that to not see realize and understand what that meant in reality, in relation to the present system.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand and recognize that sense of what I call being “ loopy” which is telling in itself because that is in essence what i am doing, within and as looping around in a belief, instead of grounding myself here and speaking up in recognition that we are physical, that what is here is us, that nature is us, that it is creation, where this is realized because if this were NOT reality, why are the powers that be attempting to own this earth?

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I as life can be hurt, within and as the realization that only that which is life within us remains, which cannot be owned but by acceptance and allowance.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand, as my beingness, as myself that I am life here, and as such am able to cross reference all things and stand in recognition of all things, considering the consequences of every action within me, to bring what is constant and stable and eternal here where this focus of and as me speaks in ways that open acceptance and recognition of the physical reality as this is life here.

I commit myself to breath, to play, to slow down, to read here, to let go of resistances and process movements here, recognizing my own words and the word constructions of others, as we can only speak our experience.

I commit myself to letting go and letting be for a moment, and listening to what can with stand the test of time, here within and as a practical cross reference and investigation of all things building relationships equal and one in recognition of the physical as life in expression here.

Day 846 What does it mean to actually live a word?

What does it mean to actually live a word? It has to do with focus, yet not in the way we have been taught in many ways. We place so much of our focus into our imaginations losing a sense of the design and expression of the physical creation around us. That physical creation is stressed because it has been ignored at the expense of projections of ideas about how things should be. When we have a medical system that determines things in petrie dishes in labs removed from the living reality, we are not working with creation as the physical. We begin to force the physical into some design determined by what? By another physical creation overusing the imagination. What was religion after all but a consequence of separation from reality causing one to believe that there is something greater outside of one’s over-use of the imagination! As I mentioned in my last blog, the way I sense it today is a form of telescoping a focus into a projection. This does look like some vortex form flowing out from our eyes. We are attracted to one another resonances, both the real essence of the person but also, and more so, the projected belief systems. Our projections are also of that which we rejected within ourselves, meaning we chase our greatest strengths which has become our greatest weaknesses. We resist values. 

Imagine growing up in a home with adults who are doing this? It would be hard for a child to counter this, even if they spoke simply a clearly. That projection would get in the way, that emotional fire-wall.  The beingness way down at the end of the tunnel of projection would be spending all their time managing their projection, attempting to validate their construction, attempting to pull everything in in relation to their construction. 

People lie all the time, yet this is visible. It has a vacuous feel to it. That is a certain focus of the body. IN our innocence as children we must see this. After all, we then learn to not trigger that which upsets that vortex maintenance.  That vortex maintenance is so insistent and lost within itself. And one can see that the core is not focused in reality, it is focused on the projection. That would look somewhat like a momentary lack of real presence, with a quality in the moment of hoping no one noticed.That would have a thinner-ness to it.  It is a lot like being able to change qualities from intense and rapid, to soft and rapid, much like playing music.  The more one masters the instrument, one begins to play with so many different dimensions of intensity and volume. being able to change from one extreme to anther is really cool. How well one knows the structures, enables greater immediate change, which is basically being able to process with ease. Our bodies and how we focus are really no different. We have simply suppressed this.

I suppose that in communicating with others, it would be allowable to completely let things go and stand within another’s total state if being, and read the narrative, the pressures the imagery. Yet one would have to know the language of symbol. Or sense the strings of association to values. I could see where this would actually be fun and not something to fear. Nothing can actually define the self but by acceptance. The demons in existence could do nothing to anyone but by allowance. The media today is simply an outward manifestation of this that I speak of. As a consequence, we are all masters of this, we have simply mastered ignoring this! That is the level of greatness and creativity within each and everyone of us as life. 

I suppose my anxiety is a consequence of my own suppression of seeing this, of living being presence and focused with an ease. 

What would it mean then to live a word? It would mean to focus to define the space and where it, as humans, focus and do not focus. It is like a form, a thing. It is visual and auditory and tangible. How do I change to protect from what I perceive as an onslaught of a threat, which can only exist if I believe that something is attempting to change my own inner projections from an overuse of the imagination. Yet, nothing can be lost that is actually of life. Thus, nothing can really be lost that is real. 

It is like playing an instrument, being both big and small at the same time. Being able to move in counterpoint and remain stable.  I remember reading the Tin Drum when I was 12. I was fascinated by the perpetually screaming child. I thought the book had an answer, but it really painted a symbol picture of innocence’s response to a life out of balance. In reality that is what each one is doing, screaming to become what has been lost. Each one is screaming as that insistent protection of an overuse of the imagination to protect a construction of protection that is also believed to be a means to an end that is as itself spread way out into time lines of values causing a disconnect from being present. It is a huge game of distraction which is basically what our media is today. And, as well,  our corporate and government administrations. Administrations built of people doing the same thing. I meet many people who say they don’t get involved in politics and go home after work to do their own thing. That is probably one is the greatest evils in the world today, too - especially in America - that exists. It is an abdication of self responsibility, it is an abdication of self as life. It is a state of ignorance, a state of suppression which will accumulate and consume the flesh just as the means of the media in itself is consuming the flesh as the very fabric of the physical. It is a mis-use of resources. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to walk in a projection of mis-information, as limited story of imagery overall creating a separation from life, and stagnating a natural processing ability as such state of separation is distraction and a busyness of imagery in protection and defense of and as an awareness of an abdication of self as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that illusion of the present system, itself being a reflection of what each is being and doing within and as the very substance and the self as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that in reality all is in plain sight, within and as every small movement within the space of here, as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being defined as anything, when what I am is here as the physical as this earth as creation in expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take things personally, as though the projected belief of another, as a state of separation into ideas, beliefs and opinions creating wants needs and desires can have an effect upon me, when in reality nothing can define me but what I accept and allow.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into blame which is spite, as being lame in action, within and as self pity and guilt, as realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as living limited information, causing polarized values, which is a form of stagnation, thereby in living a lie, the maintenance of that lie-by-omission, distracts and consumes my attention slowing down an ability to process the living reality that is me and is all around me here as this living physical creation as life manifest called earth - as was said that a “ heaven” needed to be brought down to earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that in many ways I am able to stand equal and one in thought, word and deed to realize want need and desire as being an exposure of separation from self as life, and as that, the very beingness of self as life, wanting to become the living word, to realize one greatest strength in expression as connection with all things here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand in thought, word and deed, the living word and what that means in every moment here as life in expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be pulled into beliefs as thoughts as spoken words of ideologies that are abstracts about things, where an end game of and as some invisible belief system with a promise of a “ more” being something out there in the future, that is “ incredible” which as a word suggests some nebulous idea of what we are as being a more as a “ cread” when this in itself is a distraction from being present in a reality where resources are mis-used to transfer wealth into digits that are accumulated into the hands of a few, as those who cannot exist without the resources being manipulated and the many hands of humans interacting with said resources, I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize this simple fact and within that to stand up and speak even within and as facing resonant layers of mis-information holding this illusion in place, as just as it is to clean up a home so it is to “ clean” up resonant beliefs to stand equal and one to what is best for all here in respect of life that is physical. 

What would be a living word mean? It would have to have a quality of being eternal, something so clear, with such clear intent it would be readily realized - even within facing resistances to speak past that resonant storm of scattered information that has a quality of not being ablate sustain its belief? It would either cause interest or more reaction. This means a response of a reaction would indicate a button had been pushed that upset one’s inner construction!  Thus, friction means one has upset a belief, a self definition. Simultaneously,  that distraction would  slow down processing abilities  Using words in protection and defense of personalities would dis-tract hearing stability. Yet what would each seek but to remove the veil of this to live with self honesty and self trust, to use one’s ability to focus and understand form and function to the extent one creates, within and as realizing there are no problems and only solutions! This could as well be called balance. This balance manifest as the body being in a state of homeostasis, which can be done on earth. This would require a more respectful use of resources, and unconditional support within realizing basic needs in relation to what builds and supports the physical. 

Day 845 Beginning to see my own scattered intent?

There is this tension or pressure or tightness in my chest. I notice it happens as the patterns I have walked move through their motions, which means there are issues that have not been addressed.

These past weeks I noticed my reaction to “ big brother” once again came up. I notice I catch myself in my mind in imaginations or worst case scenarios with some revenge dramas playing out. This is not new to me, before I found desteni I noticed such things in relation to another situation in my life. I took a stance that was of “ who needs this!?” in relation to the thoughts moving within me and as me. I decided to change them by focusing on another way of seeing things. I actually changed the imagery and had a reaction as a voice coming up from deep within me telling me to stop. I actually forgot about this. What is cool about this is that it is a recognition, a cognitive movement, an understanding on a deep level that our thoughts are things, and that we can change them. If I can get to this realization myself, anyone can. Within this, I realize I did not apply this same realization to everything that was coming up within me! Such is the limitation of selective reasoning and as a contrast the degree to which I/we compartmentalize things where  something is valid in one area but not in another. 

Yesterday, I received a notice. I had inadvertently gone through a red light while driving around in NY. I actually remember the incident - and this I attribute to slowing down and breathing and listening to myself. I remember having passed the ample and noticed that it was red after the fact. I did not know the area very well and recognized that I had missed seeing the relatively obvious ample ! Why I mention this is because I got the letter from my mail box and read the words on the envelope and went into an immediate panic. I slowed down and recognized this and understood to open the letter before making a judgement. It was about that red light - the one I remembered. It was not something to go into a reaction about.

I watched the movements within me, being somewhat conscious of them from having paid attention to my own state of being. I recognize that even at this moment, I want to hold onto a fear of “ big brother” as a belief in our government being extremely corrupt at the moment. I hear stories from others. Yet, one person I know, involved in a government action, has behaviors that are so emotional they tend to trigger more discord than problem solving.I attempt to change this. One thing I say to them is that administrative bureaucrats are people who simply want their paper work in proper order, and will work with others to ensure that task is done. 

If I apply this same perspective to other areas of my life, where could I go? The situation where I changed my thoughts, and this reaction to paper work, and my experiences reveal to me that things are not as dire as I assume. And, I realize that were more people to see beyond their own emotional firewalls, where would we be? We would be more practical and realize the practicality of this existence, this creation. Being here in the moment, realizing we are physical and that this reality is in a creative FORM that when properly respected, could become a world where we as humans step forth as creators instead of emotionally reactive entities living in a spaced out thin set of images in a superimposed or hyper projection of ideas, beliefs and opinions. “ Hyper” means below. We are not “ running” on ourselves as life and it is visible, we can hear/here it. 

I also can see where being projections tenses up the body, as though the body is a telescope. What we are telescoping must be visible. Children must see this before they become a telescope themselves, that state of being that shuts down their natural constructively critical and creative ability to realize solutions, or realize balance in all things. That state that is lost by the third grade, because their words have become aligned to value judgements instead of being related, or associated to the living reality, the practical reality, the reality that lives providing basic needs to regenerate the living fabric of this life that is physical. This reality that religions and projected ideologies ignore at the expense of this means that is life in expression. 

I realize that limitation is stretching out into time, into limited value judgements as a story, shielded by justifications, all causing a state of separation and stagnation in the life of the individual. Time is separation from the living expression of reality. It is most probably why Christ said we have to become the living word, as opposed to being a self defining value judgement word. One slows down processing ability, the other is of an innate ability to see reality head on! And, I can more understand the argument for realizing the basic needs of all things here. Were basic needs met the financial situation would not be of such great inequality. And, our supermarket shelves would not have over-processed-dead-never-decaying food products. We most likely would not have obesity, cancer or any other disease. If one has lived in a resonant bubble of misinformation that is limited and of polarized value judgements it is a stress on the body and the body gets locked into what it practices - which is the movement of creation,  regardless of one’s actions. Time is like strings wondering off into some alternate reality where we hover above this reality like a balloon on a string, this is the nature of projections. Can all the parts be brought back into common sense to birth life back through the physical? It must be. It is the only way.

I see it at the moment,  that this is a practical conceptual thing. Meaning, one practices listening and standing equal to things, to then with few words, communicate with effect. Somewhat like opening up that ability to read things that jump out at one in a moment, like when I went through that red light and knew I had done it and that it would have an effect. Like an instant recognition of more than what was the immediate focus - that part of me that missed the red light over on the side of this rather broad cross section of parallel and angular streets. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to, as my beingness, see, realize and understand that amazing capacity of myself as life to read what it here, and within that, though through my own time-lines of belief causing separation, to be absent in listening to my own common sense, as the very presence of me, here as the life that is who and what I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to immediately go into doom and gloom, to envision a projected worst-case-scenario idea within and as me, before investigating the details.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to at the same time I realize my own inculcated ignorance, to also forgive myself for shutting down a natural ability to sense the many moving parts around me, and to within that, expand from and as that to realize in thought, word and deed what is best for all.

When and as I find myself reacting to words as things, on paper, or as beliefs within and as what is projected from within me, to breath, to slow down and to realize my own habituated time-lines of belief need not define who and what I am in a moment,  and at the same time, to embrace them, and enfold thumbtack into common sense within and as realizing that I am physical, I am here, I am life.

I commit myself to slowing down and breathing to remain more stable and quiet to see realize and understand my own orchestrations of beliefs, opinions and ideas, as reactions that are polarized into extremes appearing to be absolutes, to being them back to self and balance them into being practical and present within and as respecting who and what I am as life here, which is physical. 

I commit myself to accepting the gift go life that is me, as my beingness, and my presence, and within this to build an intent that can withstand the test of time, to live stability and share a focus into a consideration of all things here, to live in thought, word and deed that which respects and recognized the abundance of life that is here as the physical which is creation manifest. 

Day 844 Payperwork My allowance of distraction What is it showing

I realize that I have a fear of big brother. This comes up in moments when I am required as the system to fulfill paper work for the system. I have such an adverse relationship to getting paper work done, all those crossing of the letters and filling in the blanks.

It can give me a headache from overthinking about it. Usually, when I go and walk through the steps, it is never as bad as I anticipated. Within this, in relation to at times having made mistakes, usually there is some help to correct the mis-aligned information. The system workers usually wanting their own paper work to be complete and correct. So, why this resistance and anxiety in relation to paper work?

The other side of this is that I have recognized this, and walk completing it with specificity. I organize things in a way that I have the information at hand to quickly complete the task. It is leading up to this that the anxiety comes along, even despite my own organizing and completion.  I know to just do it, because if I don’t it is my own accumulating anxiety that will lead to more problems than not having completed the paper work! Though this is much smaller, I still get a headache in relation to doing such tasks and I still have some dread around this issue. 

IN effect, there remains issues within confrontation. Always, addressing limitation, or constructions of a narrow focus, the quality of which, for me, has this insistence to it, a constriction, a pressure. It is an anxiety of opening such things up. Or perhaps the opposite and realizing my own desires around this. And yet, what is real cannot be lost. Letting go is actually not that difficult when the outcome is realizing there is only one choice, and that is the choice to realize what will remain constant and withstand the test of time, so no baggage of covering a lie exists to be remembered to protect. That is not fun. Rather not go there. 

I also notice with all the hysteria on the news, I begin to feel overwhelmed, that sense of addressing an emotional fire-wall as being too difficult when often as I have experienced, and worked through, it means to repeat something, in same or different ways without any inner reaction, as though a FOCUS on a goal that is clear has an intent that can gather more attention even in the face of an emotional storm, but it does take patience and a steady pace. I have used this, yet am not yet consistent within this. There are probably moments in the “music” present, where key questions will move things closer to sensing a clearer intention/intension!  Someone can tell me about this, yet, like learning to ride a bike, it must be experienced. That takes doing, by the self, in real time. lol, in “ reel” time, meaning within the reeling emotions generating a movement in this present hyper tense reality while also realizing a constant within being equal to what is real and eternal on this earth. I liken this to realizing that a tree functions in so many giving and abundant ways, producing within pure giving and yet it pays no taxes, and requires no wage to be and do what it is in its form and function. The contrast may appear out of context but is it really ? No it is not. The gap between where we are as the present system and the pure giving function of a tree seems like too big of a jump. I have a sense that so many would react to such a concept, but in reality the difference is not so far fetched. 

The thing about being in an emotional fire wall of value judgements as reactions within poles of good and bad, is the un-complicatedness of realizing the simplicity of a tree because it would deny resonant beliefs that things need be complicated!  Once we know something, it is no longer complicated. As some doctors have said about how the body functions as “ it is not a rocket science, anyone can understand it,” so is it within and as most things. Once we understand them, we share because we realize it is understandable. It is a red flag when an administration or politician attempt to convince one that things are complicated -that simply means opening things up would expose self interest. This in itself reveals that hiding self interest exists in using chaos, hiding self interest exists behind a belief that things are complicated.  The complicated is being used as an end-game. The complicated has become god , as in the complicated has become normalized!  Repetition does not equal truth.  Recognize the red flags because they exist within patterns. Even a leaf on a tree has a pattern. Patterns exist in all structures, thus they are visible. Humans learn to walk all by themselves, thus we are amazing at understanding temporal/spatial geometry. 

It is one thing to  imagine a thing and another to stand with presence in the living movement and expression of what is real. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a sense of doom and gloom around doing the paper work of the present system.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be aggravated, to feel aggravated, to be an emotion of aggravation, and to hold onto that as a response of and as things should not be this way, of and as having a sense that the paper world is meant to consume the focus and presence and life of and as me, to distract from being aware of patterns in the greater whole, as the system, which in itself is a fear, a fear of believing that I cannot process the information and a “thing” that takes up my space where I would rather focus on other things, when in effect, and especially with some systemic computer software tools I can organize my expenses a little at a time, and remove the accumulation of doing paper work, as this is one of the advantages of modern technology, and thereby freeing myself to to focus on other things, or from another perspective be more aware of my own habits and attentions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that when and as I react to having to do paper work, I am reacting in a way of self interest, because I am aggravated that I am distracted from focusing on what i want to focus on, which begs the question as to what I desire to focus on, which I am not sure of because I have allowed myself to focus on the lack, to focus on what I have judged as a force or thing hindering my focus, which in itself creates a resistance to something which in itself is a state of friction that is taking up my attention and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand, even though I have organized the steps to get this paper work done in a timely and orderly manner, there remains this value judgement behind this, within this, as being aggravated by having to do this busy work, all of which could be automated today, to free myself to, as the human up to be able to focus on other things, like planting a garden, for example, yet I understand that any movement of resistance or aggravation, is a distraction, and thus I am making a mountain out of a mole hill, causing inner friction and separation from remaining simple and present as being in that space where the practical gets done, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, within and as realizing that reactions cause friction and by extension distraction even if slight and even if I appear to be organizing that which I deem to distract, in ways that gets things done with immediacy, there remains a focus on that righteous sense of injustice, most probably causing some occupation within and as being aggravated with the present system, and yet I in my aggravation and desire to not focus on something, which in itself is distraction, am within my own organization in distraction from being aware of subtle movements within and as how I focus as my human physical body, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as me, to the extent my intensions are clear, and easily to share, in all simplicity to the extent the focus of me as problem solving, is more constant and as such more readily conveyed because this is the extent of the ability of life within to recognize patterns, which create states of being, and as such can be transferred even within emotional storms, as this is the nature of life, and therefore, can be held and shared, of which to become and be in clarity, means to have the patience to live and express this, to the extent there exists no more states of being miserly, and for this I forgive myself.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself becoming a movement of and as aggravation, to stop and to breath and to slow myself down, and to recognize this as being in a way, a miser, as this is acting in self interest, which means a motivation of desire exists within and as being a state of an ideology, that is separation from remaining present within and as becoming steady within and as realizing there are no problems and only solutions, within and as understanding that becoming the living word means having a clear intention one that is able to be shared and as such will take standing with an emotional firewall to the extent that storm in a teacup expresses its limitations into a form of completion that could be called a burning out, where for a moment, perhaps through the gap something clearer will become an insight and yet this must exist within the environment  in a clear way in order to be recognized to allow a seed of another option to be sensed and thus realized on a journey to self expression as life here, to become as constant and giving as a tree here. 

Within this, I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize the beauty of this overall, and within this to not see realize and understand outside of allowing this distraction of aggravation to see realize and understand as my beingness, that within and as creating, or rather allowing the life that is here as me, to come forward as the expression or utilization of and as myself in focus that is usually of the simple, and that requires investigation, is more the will of life as me, and as such has a nature of lending patience, and realizing that nothing can define me but what I allow,  within and as realizing that the solution is simple and abel to be imparted because that is the nature of life.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that when and as I become aggravated, I stop and I breath, as my beingness, and I slow myself down, to ground me within and as respect of all things, to see realize and understand solutions that are visible within and as having an intention that as a state of focus as being, stand equal and one with and as a structural means to withstand the storms of friction and conflict as polarized beliefs as a loss of focus within and as who and what and where and how it is that we exist here on this physical earth of many trees, to in always, always live with an intent that shares what is best for all, as I am here. where there is only here.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding my capacity as life to realize the ordinary and to within that understand that nothing can define who and what I am and that the life that is me is a constant, and cannot be lost, thus within this, I am able to with great patience, stand and recognize emotional patterns and distractions of focus and to allow that expression as a process of self reflection and to and with that realize the simple that organizes and removes the complicated, to become more the living word within and as recognizing what is best for all in every movement to turn the tides and generate a momentum of expression that is aligned with and as what is best for all and as recognition of the simple as what is all around us as the physical reality that is life in expression here.

I commit myself to remaining here, and to move through the shame that comes up in moments in relation to all of this, to let go of and as value judgements of and as polarized beliefs to realize what is constant and as such can be stood with in a constancy that withstands the test of time, to become a steady pace of and as  the living word to the extent less is more, as my intentions are clear which transfers within and as being more present as being equal and one with the life that is what generates a tree that exists here and gives unconditionally in every moment here.

Day 843 #Words are structuring us!

I had an experience this week that I would call standing in a movement, an idea, a imagery of a value. I wondered from where this sudden “ state” generated from. It appeared to be suddenly around me. To some extent I, sensed this came as though through a thread, from a person that I had just met doing that moment. It is like stepping into something, or noticing a breeze within one’s environment.

I can see where when we move as energy, we live in a limited movement. Here, relationships would be defined by limited truths in a state of comparison within a singular value. It is a form or processing everything around us, yet we get stuck in that momentary form as a value judgement as an inform! A picture formed and picked up. It is somewhat like being in an orchestra where there exists counter musical dialogues coming up or emerging and developing in one moment. I supposed my more cultural oriented background is based on seeing things this way. My father a writer, my mother a painter, and myself having studied music. I was taught to draw and in turn taught my children. I also judge people by the paintings and imagery they have in their homes. I know … you can say it! lol Potential with only rudimentary development in relation to structuring one’s expression has somewhat become our present system. We focus on potential more than structural development. This means we are projecting ourselves, as those momentary bubbles of ideologies that have a truth but run in limited relationship. Meaning, a few values are hyper-realized and hyper focused upon, enlarging limited rationing which of course must be a super-imposed shadow when made larger than reality. This a projected state that the self can become lost within. IT is no irony that imagery becomes more and more infantile. Management of living in projected values consumes so much body substance, and attention the imagery must simplify like a disorganized file taking up space and using less to order the information behind it.  In reality, a simplified image allows for individual history or experience ( value judgement experience) to be filed behind the image, the attention requiring a simplistic image because as a projection, we can only focus on so much! 

Look at humans when they become very emotional. They use a more static form of language. They require many simple sentences to tell a story. Their story telling, or information relating is more drawn out! And, at the same time, filled with many trills, or filler words. Just look at how much we use the word “ like” when speaking to someone else! it has become normalized to the extent that it is expected. It shows a processing PACE within us too. 

This is made more visible as one improves language and reads. As one structures and practices one’s words, just as a musician practices notes, or a painter practices building a hand - eye coordination and gains trust in their ability to RELATE to their movement and the movement around them, their structural transmissions become tighter and more balanced. There is also more room for play.

Compare this to our present education system! We send this great sentience into a box, a petrie-dish education and have our potentials as our children, memorize a set body of information, where the competition is to do the regurgitation of this limited FORM lacking any real living application in real physical time! That generates competition within a narrow focus! It is mis-using the imagination! IT is FORCING a limited narrative, causing separation from a cross reference from reality! So, everyone becomes walking bubbles of value generated movements instead of remaining in a constant!

What are the corporations doing but moving to OWN that which cannot be owned but by a delusion as a movement as a form, as a construct written out on paper ( another tree thing) and place on an ALTER in a system that moves via information transmission from one closed box to another! That is insanity and a GREAT disrespect for earth. The patterns of this becoming clearer and clearer as one practices one’s measures, as words that FOCUS the body. A more FOCUSED body that has or is developing the tools of words, will open up a GREAT HUMAN ABILITY TO RECOGNIZE PATTERNS! At the same time I am astounded and ashamed of myself, I am also dis-covering a sense of awe at the fcking AMAZINGness of what we as humans can be and do! We can actually have fun catching ourselves being caught in resonant bubbles that inherent in the design, are limited information! 

This week, I also placed myself in a moment of “ four-sheets-to-the-wind.” Meaning, I just decided to go with whatever came up. I listened to someone and then related what I wanted to say through using their conflicts to tell stories of behaviors in living moments that I sensed would answer to their limitations, as them saying “ How can you help me?” I notice that is they become silent they are processing - and this can take time. It reminds me of a woman who has built a board of buttons on the ground that will sound certain words. Her dog uses this word-sounding board to communicate. IT takes the dog some time to process. It appears that the dog stands there with no intention of doing anything. The dog will stand in silence and then suddenly move towards the board and push some buttons. Because we are so used to living in our bubbled inner constructs of value judgement evident in taking a long time to say something, having many word fillers such as “ like” it will take acclimating to that strung out tempo that uses rudimentary imagery lacking real definition to speak. It is a slow processing ability, very slow at times. It has a quality of a loss of stability, of constancy, of “ getting things done.” It is all a math.

If we look at the media, it reflects this same measure. Just listen to the constant musical accompaniment! That same thing is used at sport games to sway building emotion in the audience! 

If we are moving as emotional value judgements we are easily triggered. The many police vids online show this. Like any system, it is not necessarily that the structural system is a “ bad” it is some “ bad apples in the systems that use this for control; either to move up in a system by creating scenarios that get that point to enable a person to move up a pay scale. Also, our insecurity is a consequence of this overall. There is not constant, thus self trust and self esteem are absent. And that absence of caused by dissonance covering it up because humans are great at pattern recognition! Even if that pattern recognition is being a system of causing discord and chaos, a well known divide and conquer mechanism. 

You are an instrument. The muscles and skeletal systems will hold the pressures of holding limiting information within. What you speak, what you focus on, and the development of tools to structure yourself, will determine the life you experience. The potential to be your best is always there, until a mis-use of this consumes the body. We can maintain a focus on this to the extent we sense the strings or threads of information having an effect on the body. 

The present system uses fear to create long drawn out threads of mis-information creating shadowy resonance as set-bodies of information, heavily polarized and of limited values lived in a slow movement as the processing of information! it is a math, a valley of smoke and mirrors! And, it has been normalized! And, it has a visible measure to it if one takes the time to begin to see around this normalized state of being. How can relationships be fulfilling if we are skimming the surface of what we are as life? 

When we as a collective begin to read this, everything is going to be alright. We will weep in the realization of the extent to which we shut ourselves off from who and what we are as life. While at the same time laugh in a state of joy. It will be a moment if sunshine and rain, those moments when the rainbow comes out and shows us the borders of the extent to which we refracted life and created an alternate reality dividing heaven from earth. It is time to bring heaven back down to earth to manifest our real potential as life. 

Day 842 Facing confrontation to bring what is potent forward.

There is this tiredness within me. It is a residual physical sense of wanting to escape , as though doing is too tiresome. 

The other day Iearned a new dance move. I had to slow way down and practice that movement very very slowly. I had to change up my focus and break down the moving parts to place them and then incorporate more and more of the movement. I know a certain focus can allow one to do this. In today’s world it takes one’s will to be able to change up perspective and change up one’s focus on things other than an automated movement generated by value judgements about the past. 

A thought can happen, a value judgement. Unless that value judgement is changed, it sits within one. IT must be resolved before one can take the next step. This is because a thought can accumulate. If one meets the same situation again, and this past comes up, and one does not immediately address it, it remains and then begins to build.

It is similar to recognizing something in the environment and then suddenly seeing it everywhere. One is focused on that, at the expense of seeing others things. If we are conceptually processing things very slowly, we can get stuck in that sudden acknowledgement of something in reality. This compounds because we limit our awareness, we shut ourselves down from seeing other things as well. We are focusing on a picture instead of being present. This happens because we ignore imbalances in the reality around us because we want to “ get a long and go along” ostensibly to survive. In the long run, this backfires. There is only once choice, the choice to do no harm. The human ability to recognize patterns is natural and great. Thus, to suppress that recognition takes a lot of work. That builds and causes more disconnect from reality, our choice to ignore. The choice of ignorance remains, and then we have to hold onto the lies, our ignorance, to maintain it, because we are ashamed to have hidden our ability to recognize patterns, because that is the same ability that can recognize the choices we make that cause harm. 

Of course it is good to focus on singular things for a moment, to incorporate them. Yet, in this temporal spatial reality, it is important to cross reference the greater whole. When I learned this new dance move, once I felt confident and focused in a way that I learned it pretty quickly, I took notice of other things beyond that rudimentary movement. I went to ensure that my head was not locked in one position, or that my arms did not move in one way only. I played with the movements of them, even exaggerating the movements of the other parts of my body to realize the extent of the boundaries. I purposely “ opened “ it up. I added some play to the dance move. 

Conversely, when facing a lie, or suppression is a great pattern recognition ability, that time and space, like playing music, has infinite space between movements! Thus when a person takes a long time to share a story, as the emotional value is bigger than the ability to see directly,  there is infinite space to play with the form. What hinders this is myself being the same, being spaced out in emotion - because this is what emotional feeling values are and do in relation to the focus of the body. The process of focusing through emotion, spaces things out. The process of practicing being more directed by emotion, leads to a compound effect of a feeling. That looks like a person is standing in what I call a state of constant shock. The management of the emotional practice compounding into the feeling that generates that loss of spatial ability or a real stagnant movement of conceptualizing, has this field of a tight resonance to it, where the focus of the body appears to be at attention, a stress ‘ ness to the field of vision,  that looks like all that sense that is great at recognizing patterns is focused on managing the emotions. The way a person speaks, probably down to the slightest detail, some I do not yet know, will show exactly to what degree a person is actually doing this. If one is answering to this, one is caught in this reductionist conceptual trap and will be swayed by that emotional attention. Interesting how the word attention sounds like a tension, because that is what it is. It lacks an ease - the focus of the body is on emotional maintenance. This is the outcome as a creation, of having told lies, of having ignored the physical practical living reality that is the means of this life. It is a movement in the space, a tension in the space, one’s innocence the absence of that “ a-tension.” If we practice ignorance, we can master this. It is somewhat like the behavior of sociopaths, or it is that sociopathic behavior. The first aggression is difficult, the subsequent aggressions get easier and easier. Pretty soon, one is locked into an emotional firewall, a resonant storm that appears normal, and with which one is comfortable. The problem is that this human state of being is destroying not only the body, but the physical earth as well. Transformation is the  option, because more of the same, as destruction, is remaining on the path that has lead to where we are today. 

We must begin to realize how we are using language, how we are forming ourselves as our focus, within the very sounds we are self generating from and with and as our bodies. This is why it is noted that it is important to be aware of our thought, word and deed. What we generate as each one, will determine our lives and the lives that are us in another life, as this physical creation called earth. Every movement is important.  One must recognize the patterns of the language. To do this, one must have a certain degree of mastery of the language, because language in itself as a form of dance with life. How we use our words will determine the very FOCUS of ourselves. A greater language development also helps us delineate the space and time happening around us. When we know it, we can open up our presence to incorporate more things, because we are not having to think about what we are going to say. And, by extension, we can catch our thinking, those things that we allowed and never stopped to correct. If we know something we no longer have to “ think” about it as much, we can expand.  Knowing the language helps is to recognize our focus, and by extension, help us to expand our presence. Would our presence open to that which existed before we built a resonant emotional/feeling body that consumes our attention and holds the cause of our separation from presence, that state of a child that learns more rapidly, that is eventually lost by the third grade because we isolate our children from reality within sending them into an isolated environment where the teachers themselves get lost in a political bubble of a school to the extent that the principle often spends a lot of their time attempting to manage jealousy between the teachers themselves? For example, if one teacher begins to show an effect in her students that surpasses the other teachers, the principle will suggest that teacher “ dumb” it down so that that principle need not have to answer to the complaints of the other teachers? Yes, this actually happens. I have personally experienced this. And yes, I was astounded - and realized that my own state of being astounded was an ignorance on my part. There are always solutions. The unacceptable is never an answer! 

Children who are not doing well in school, simply lack the practice of delineating time and space, of which language is a means to be and do. Already, if a child takes a long time to explain something, as they search for the words, the moment passes and the focus is lost. The consequence is a feeling of a lost opportunity. This is really about the overall focus of the body, because we have to focus our bodies in order to speak the words. Do we give our children time and space to do this, or do we rush them along, because we adults have forgotten that we ourselves lack security in formulating words? Do we expect our children to formulate our words, which involves moving the body, in the way that we as parents do because we are in a rush? They then become us, because this is what is experienced in their immediate environment. Then we wonder why they have not moved past us into a greater development!  While we learned, we lacked slowing down and assessing the moving parts into the greater whole. How can a child learn to do this if it is not shown to them and if the emotional fire-wall existence from a lack of recognition because of a self suppression of a natural ability is all that is in their environment? One must always cross reference the greater whole. Which is cool because it regulates the extent to which one has incorporated a new awareness which is more a movement of problem solving that moving into an ignorance that causes a rush of an idea of survival instead of developing real creative and constructive thinking skills. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that the moment I feel a deep tiredness is a moment when I allow myself to be overwhelmed.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that a moment of feeling deeply tired is a moment of believing things are too much.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand within this, that it is not so much what is said as how something is said.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the extent to which energy is motivating movement, which has a quality of limitation because of a lack of being grounded and present, here, in this reality, where one can reference the gaps of recognition of words, or DWORS, that open a more settled groundedness.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how stories are a means to an end, because within and as being separated from what is real, as this creation as this earth, involves separation held together by ideas, beliefs and opinions, composed in a pattern in itself, as stories, with a rise and a fall, a conflict within more than, and less than, good and bad, right and wrong instead of being present in creation, as the expression of life, as the physical, as humanity must respect the trees, a most perfect form that covers so many needs within and as a construction in expression that supports all life on earth, and of which is a means to further expression, thus what is here is us, and of a technology far greater than anything mankind has created, and overall why reinvent the wheel? 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and  understand that despite working on facing limitation, there exists within me a fear of confrontation, and yet again and again I have faced " confrontation" and moved myself towards addressing confrontation, within and as listening to the storied information, and realizing the expression as a form, and then moving beyond being in an end game, as a belief, towards grounding the story, using story to change up the focus, to lend structure, through realizing detail while at the same time, remaining present in consideration of all things here as this life, where life itself is physical and always here, in plain sight as life would be and do as life would have no reason to hide, in some alternate separate reality, as a construct called " heaven."

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react in anger, as anger is fear, anger is a rejection of problem solving, of being present, and realizing the energetic movements as a story of separation, or of a time spread out, a measure, where the focus is absent of recognition of the practical physical forms here that is the creation of life manifest, so evident in the present media system that is a constant, as management of separation must be a constant because this is how great the presence of life is and does, the distractions must remain constant, and even within this, seeing through the cracks to the life that is here as the physical is a constant opportunity.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move into shame, within and as realizing the extent to which I ignored life, and separated from being present and giving, in the recognition that I am life, and that life is always here in plain sight, as the very nature of life is for-giving.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the veil is indeed thin, and that it must be possible to realize the veil and the life that is here as creation as the physical, so great is the ability of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that a resistance to confrontation is fear, and fear is false evidence appearing real.

I commit myself to walk in breath, to slow down and to face storied emotional fire-walls, to for give the gift of life here, that which is creation and a constant here, which is physical and in plain sight - hence to  embrace constant distraction from what is known and simply covered, yet can be un-covered to the extent that earth is transformed into realizing all things, taking the good, and ensuring no harm.

I commit myself to moving within this, in every moment, as a pace, of and as being in awe of opening up what is natural and has always been here in plain sight.

I commit myself to within this, as another point has opened up, within and as a sense of a block behind my neck, where I can sense a stiffness, and a " force" as that moving me, as though, or as - without the though! lol- ( I am having FUN within this! ) I within this anger and fear-of-confrontation point, hold onto being suspect or cautious, within and as facing confrontation, which is simply like facing a new musical piece or ideology, a construction, of which without the hesitation or expectation-of-harm, the way forward is to let go and at the same time, expect the unexpected and the ability to face this and learn, or expand in awareness, even within and as making mistakes, to generate a pace that has fun letting go and finding solutions within and as realizing separation and refocusing into what is natural and always here as life in expression that is physical and in plain sight here.

I commit myself to move at a steady pace, within and as my beingness, here, to practice, step by step, every small move, to build a model of being present and in respect of this life here, as life, as becoming the living recognition of life, which is always here, in plain sight as life would not hide as the nature of life would be visible as that is forgiving in great joy.