Sunday, September 30, 2012

Day 161 Imagination of Childhood Event

Day 161 Self Forgiveness on Imagination based on emotional outplays of a memory from childhood.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear speaking, to fear creating and causing confusion, to have made this moment of confusion a nature as an object as a persona of what it is that I am based on the developmental existence of what is before me, as my parents within a system of inequality and as inequality as what the word implies, a separation from life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not face this storm of confusion, in the realization that this is not what I am as life unless I allow and accept this as a definitive of what I am here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear this definitive, to allow this definitive to become huge, creating an idea that overwhelms and separates, in and as energy as this is a separation from being one and equal as life here, as solution, as a living word is a directive word, as life in equality is absolute within a nature of being forgiving in and as expressing life, that which surrounds as nature here on earth that is forgiving without judgement and without any signature of ownership as what is the value is being life in expression.
I forgive myself for building imaginary scenarios of wanting escape from facing this confusion, where I desire to be saved from my own accepted and allowed confusion, where the role of the damsel in distress is taken on as a female, a story taken from tribal roles and placed into religious scenarios where the salvation becomes an invisible god and is no longer the tribal warrior but the white knight serving an imaginary god.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, instead of facing my confusion, as myself as a child having no understanding and development opportunities within understanding myself as life surrounded by adults of same development conveying all that they are as a product of a same system of separation from life, to allowing myself to become a character of wanting to run away and avoiding any scenario where I am asked to speak, and thus becoming a musician so I did not have to deal with speaking, as music was a way to not have to speak and use words, and thus a way to avoid becoming confused and facing the spite, blame, reactionary expression in and as energetic outplays of limited belief, opinion and idea, in and as ego, irritated by questions it cannot answer as the ego of self is a separation from life, as it is an energetic drama, energy game in separation from life fearing loss of what is the very thing that enslaves, a personification of values believed to allow self survival within an accepted system of inequality known as capitalism, where money determines who lives and who dies, and is used by a few to live this same life of separation in comfort while others live a life in extreme rapid physical diminishment and suffering.
I forgive myself for judging myself as being confused, where the drama lived is myself believing myself to be a cause of irritation when I speak, a difficult character when speaking, a person that does not have the capacity to understand.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have limited opportunities to speak, to learn to speak because I feared speaking.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have another memory come up in relation to this, where I had written a play to a fairy tale, and during the performance my castchanged the story line and my teacher came to me and yelled at me and I became the same confusion and could not answer to her, as I did not have an understanding of how the human as ego is the cause of the behaviors of characters of energetic games as persona that are a separation of life into and as fear of loss of self as life in fear that something other will become more than self, where self must not allow a more than self scenario as this leads to potential situations where there is the threat, in seeming to be less than, of survival.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I as a child, had not direction, through, within having the means and ways of being one and equal to the forgiving nature of life, to walk through what was not under-stood, one and equal to, as myself as life, and was taught to be in service to separations as what energy is, that are as a separation of limited design and thus negligent of supporting what is in fact what is real, which is this physical world as the manifestation of life, seen in that this earth givesfreely, where it is man as ego, within a system of survival where money determines who lives and who dies, that is the ignorance, accepted and allowed , created by those who accept, which is man, through rejecting equality and oneness as the gift that is the substance of what is here that is life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame myself, to be and become self blame, and self judgement, when and as I become confused, believing myself to be a source of irritation , impossibility and difficulty as what I am within not supporting ego, where I then become an ego of wanting to win in relation to the lack of understanding that is ego as man, through lack of oneness and equality with self as life as solution as man existent from self as life as the starting point of valuing life as what all that is of this earth consists of and exists as.
I commit myself to walking into the energy drama as mind of irritation, judgement as impossibility and difficulty , to becoming one and equal to this, and utilizing the principle of what is best for all, to directing through a fear of loss, and or a desire for gain, these energetic sensations of diminishment in fear of loss, and excitement in potential of gain, and bringing myself back here utilizing breath to equalize myself within myself as life, and within researching the very structure of the present capitalistic system of inequality, to within this speak in common sense of what is best for all.
I commit myself to realizing that behaviors of judgement, within and without, that are creating a belief that objects of irritation exist as the cause of demise as belief of , being difficult and impossible, is simply a behavior in and as fear of loss and desire of want, limited in development of the nature of life, of self as life, of this nature of life forgiving of itself, as how this earth is, these created objects being a cause of frustration, are a lack of self having the ability to direct self as life, as what exists is fear of loss and fear of death, an illusion made huge through how money determines life, and an idea of some invisible “more than” world, or “hand”, as a “determining object” that is the illusion and the separation from self as life, self as life able to direct as life, one and equal as what all that is here consists and exists in and as.

I commit myself to realizing that I can read words over and over again, but within myself these words must be physically realized, as what I have accepted and allowed within and thus without, as the human, and as myself individually, where to realize this as what I am allowing within I must breath, slow myself down and see the drama existent within, as myself asmind ONLY, other wise I cannot see this, as the mind is too busy being the characters of separation as the behaviors of ego, where I believe that I am always “right” and the other - be it object, animal, plant, collective entity such as government or supposed “god”, is “wrong”, not seeing realizing and understanding that I am the creator of these objects through a focus as mind where I spite through blame and label as what judgement is in fact, as the cause of my own demise.
Within this, being passively accepting of this, or aggressively enacting such behaviors , I an one side of the same coin, in that I am allowing this, unless I stop and I breath, and I direct within solution with every step and every breath, what is best for all, as what will support all life on this planet, where I realize that ego is separation from life, a cry of fear of loss and fear of death, where myself as life is not expressing itself as life, equal and one to and as life here, this cry creating objects to cling to as the ego is the subject of fear, in separation of self as life as being forgiving of self as life, this self forgiving being the nature of solution and thus direction as life, this gift of being and giving equal and one as the package of what self is here as life, complete and whole, as the gift.
I commit myself to realizing that when and as I become confusion, I am allowing and accepting myself to be and become a character of ignorance, and thus create my own being ignored as I accept and allow ignorance of life, here.
I commit myself to realizing, with and as the tools of, breathingwriting, corrective application, slowing myself down to pick up and utilize these tools with every breath, that the solution, as the substance of life is the solvent to and towards earth becoming life, where earth is one and equal to heaven, as heaven on earth, as walking through confusion and all cries of separation as ego, as the actions of ego, as desire for gain within fear of loss as the illusion, as judgement manifest as blame and spite, these energetic allowances that are non-directive and supportive solutions that develop awareness of self forgiving self as life as they are the acts that separate from being equal and one to how nature is on earth, the freely given support and substance of life, here.

To Continue with Back Chat, Reactions and Physical Behaviors.

Day 160 A Memory of Confusion

Day 160 A memory of confusion rises again.
I find I am always returning to a memory of myself as a child standing on confusion in front of my parents, it is both my father, or my mother and they are impatient and irritated with me, their voices are raised and they are telling me I am impossible, difficult, deliberately irritating them.
I can’t even remember what I had said, or how such a point came about. I am just standing there, looking up at them, because they are bigger than I am, are being completely confused, like I have no fucking idea what I said, or why I said what I said and why I am receiving such aggravated reactions and criticisms. And I am feeling overwhelmed, like there is so much in front of me I don;t even know where to begin.
Then I remember in second grade, my teacher wanted something and called my parents, and later there was a radio show for children starting and I was taken to some woman’s house in preparation, I refused, I did not want to do this. I remember really kicking and screaming to not participate in the children’s show. The woman had an old dog that smelled - as I later learned- like cancer and she did not open her windows. All I saw was the dog there at our feet. I never wanted to go back.
I become overwhelmed with speaking, get nervous and anxious, overwhelmed and terrified of what? It is not really clear, and I think this fear, is what is not really clear. And I think that this comes from this memory, where I am in confusion and voices are raised telling me I am impossible and irritating and difficult. So, I re-member myself with this confusion as to what I am in fact based on whatever it was I was trying to say, and what it is being told that I am with strong emotions backing the declaratives as to what it is that I supposedly am. All that is a “member” of what i am is the emotional voices of my parents.
Have I connected speaking with causing irritation, being confused/overwhelmed, being difficult/non compliant and impossible? Is this why I shake at the idea of speaking? Is this why I physically tighten within myself? Is this why I reject speaking, believing myself to be incapable of speaking ( especially when speaking is making sounds as words to describe and convey and thus something that is not scary as it is merely placing one word in front of another?).
Is my confusion, simply that, at the time, I did not have the language and understanding of what was here that I was unable to express myself? So, this resonant memory is a me more, as a character of being less than, meaning I am a more/moral/story/character of inability and or an idiot that does not understand and only causes confusion ( which I might have been doing but i don’t remember what I said- so I can’t base this emotional imprint on what was said, this imprint/label/judgement is not who I am as it was a moment in the past and will only determine who I am if I allow this to be what defines me) Within this i must stand and take this memory as myself and yet not allow it to be who I am here. This one moment within anemotional moment of no understanding is not who I am, as it is the past, and yet the emotional associations must stop directing me resonantly, the issues must be cleared, as in common sense this is not myself here, this is not what a person is, a human. This is actually a picture show of a human who is not being directed to clearly find solutions and learn to express themselves, this is a memory of judgement, self judgement and parental action with parents untrained as to how a child is programmed, as they were within the same scenario as myself as that child standing before them.
So many emotional storms and no real directive life. Name calling, judgement before solution and understanding of what is actually physically here. The confusion was that there was nothing being said. LOL There was nothing there, because there was nothing there!
So, I developed a relationship with that emotional storm moment of nothing as claimed it as a self definition. W T F!
So, it is ( and not “like”) I am judging myself based on a memory that really has absolutely no fucking value what so fucking ever! Actually, to put it another way, a memory based on a CRY!
In modern terminology a “boohoo moment” LMAO What else can one do?
I need a few minutes to laugh…. and cry.

Thought self forgiveness

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a memory, as an image of myself as a child existing in confusion and within this believing myself to be difficult, impossible and irritating as the emotional reactions from my parents being what I believe is what i am.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this memory the state of myself as confusion, has no clarity as a memory of what this confusion consists of, as it is only a picture of emotion being directed at me, as an image with no meaning other than being an event, experience of parents telling me I am irrational, irritating, impossible and difficult, thus I cannot base what I am on such an image of no clear understanding as it carries a limited incomplete description of a past event.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that myself as confusion is myself in a state of no clarity, which means I have no understanding or idea of what the emotions that exist as this memory mean, and since this is an image of the past, it bears no definition of what is actually here in this moment.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this memory has no real value or meaning, and thus is not a definition of what I am.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that a state of confusion is just this, a misunderstanding, meaning a state of not being clear, and thus not something as itself to be definitive as such a state of confusion is an unresolved situation where what is as the confusion is not being clarified.

Within this, I commit myself, to when and as I become confused, to see realize and understand that it is an indication of a lack of understanding and nothing else, thus it is not definitive and only needs clarification into understanding.
I commit myself to stopping and breathing when and as I relive this memory of confusion coupled with emotions of causing irritation, believing myself to be “impossible” and “difficult” simply because I am confused.
I commit myself to slowing down when and as I become confused, to see, realize and understand that the way out of confusion is slowing down, breathing, and using common sense to resolve what is causing confusion, as emotional reactions as becoming impatient because something is not being understood are not an action that will resolve what confusion is in fact, a state of misunderstanding and thus a lack of communication.
I commit myself to no longer defining confusion with being impossible, difficult and irritating.
I commit myself to seeing , realizing and understanding that a memory from the past is not what I am, as it is just a picture in and as my mind, stagnant and senseless, and thus cannot be significant with what is actually here in this moment unless I allow the imprint of this obviously limited picture to define myself here.
I commit myself to realizing the only message such an image reveals is that a state of confusion simply means a lack of understanding and communication as contextual details are missing and what the memory holds are emotional reactions of no real significance, thus is this memory of fear and not what is real.
I commit myself to realizing that standing in confusion was myself as a child having no understanding of developmental awareness of what I was as life, so my confusion, which probably was a sub-character as a starting point of wanting within a lack of understanding which would lead to confusion, thus this whole scenario as a memory of confusion and lack, taken in as a memory as a judgement of myself being incapable through lack and accepted as an idea of what I am, is simply a lack of development, a lack of understanding of what life is here, as this was not what is understood by parents within a system of inequality and energetic dis-play instead of equality with self as life existing within the very flow of life as being one and equal as the living word, here.
I commit myself to walking through confusion to discover myself as life, here.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Day 159 Letting go is only reformation

Humans learn ( takes in ) what is presented. If new presentations given, with more detail, the accepted presentations held/under stood/ conceived/ imaged will need to rebuild/ reconstruct/ re-image to include new details. This requires letting go of what was previously believed/ idealized/ opined. This “letting go” to reconstruct/re-imaged/ re- under stood/ cause a re-formation. This process of reformation - for what it is , if not realized as a process/reformation, will then seem/appear/feel upsetting / unsettling/ uncomfortable ( the communicated “ fort” “set at your table” as mind of belief!) as the will-ing to change previous insight as accepted/embedded belief was not including all details/awareness of the whole.
Within this, behaviors as reactions are a “not wanting to change”- as we do not realize including more detail - we hide from what is here in upholding our composition as belief ( ignorance) - and this simply means reforming belief, a process of reconstruction, as understanding an awareness of which is not taught or practiced or understood as a process in and as itself!
What is taught, is just taking in the presentation without seeing it as a formation that is mutable in that it is just a formation. The process of understanding within self of forming self is not understood or clarified and learned as how we work.
Thus, we cling to the formations as the collection of details presented. If these details - taken in as a mind, the tool, as a memory bank of pictures that are a text book-like computation ofknowledge and information, are accepted as ALL the facts - meaning an absolute- and we follow them/ move as them/become comfortable with them ( if they happen to work for us - which is a very few- and thus not absolute) changing them becomes more difficult. It has become habitualized/automated and change becomes a seeming threat to this habitualized driving set of beliefs.
Presenting a limited set of ideas/beliefs/opinions is a crime against life, it is a starvation of life, it is a with-holding of understanding of life, it is being given limited understanding of life, it is an inner starvation of and as life. Thus, most of the world is starving physically because physical support is withheld, and we in the west are in starvation of ourselves as life expression ( pushing papers is NOT life) and all the behaviors existent as supposed deviation from the norm - the norm being the limited presentation - reflect the frustrations, the starvation of life expressions, that cannot and will not - as the will of life - fit into a relation - limited/secondary/ non all/ absolute/ construct that denies understanding/awareness of what/how we work/ the system works etc.
This presentation of limited values distorts reality, and we, as in-printable humans accept the limitations as absolutes, not realizing the relative associations that our experiences are as the presentations.
This distortion becomes all that we know - and it is only a collection of knowledge and in-formation! In other words, fantasy is distortion; we as mind have made the fantasy - as the in-formation- real! A complete separation from life!
Thus, our fantasies, the dreaming, the memories, in and as the mind never tell the whole story, so when reality sets in, the dream - that is the distortion - as it is a composition of limited values- is the song of separation from what is actually here. It is a song in and as mind, composed - of not necessarily bad values- but of limited values to the point where we no longer are reading what is actually physically here!
Movies, dreams, imaging is a distortion of reality, a separation from being absolutely one and equal with what is physically actually here. And being here - one and equal to this physical world would fill the senses of self within the physical, as being in direct connection with this physical/actual/real world.
No secondary dreaming in pictures necessary. Within this, Equal Money is the “sale” of life. It is giving self what is real. This physical actual - fully sensational world - a gift of actual, physical, real enactment as life, HERE.

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Thursday, September 27, 2012

Day 158 What Is a Primary Source?

Within playing the violin, I must become aware of the physicality of the violin, and the “points” that are used to make the sound, produce the sound. And moving with these points and spaces, I produce.
It is the same with the human: an instrument, a physical instrument.
So, what I chose as “points” of reference will determine the sound I create. If my point of reference is a secondary point of reference, instead of a primary point of reference then I will miss perception of the primary point of reference.
This is what personification, as character, as what we are taught is, a secondary reference point and not direct interaction in common sense with what is primary, this physical world.
In other words, the human is presented with a secondary personification to “sound” as the starting point of self, and not taught the elements of direction from a primary as self as a physical instrument physically working with what is actually here. Thus, what is actually here is missed.
The sound of what is here as life is missed for the energy, as a relationship in separation from here, as secondary is what is propagated. So, we are playing character roles without ever having developed an awareness of what is primary, ourselves as physical instruments of life, self directing, self honest with self, self responsible, as we have abdicated our selves to dressing up as characters and personifications as what was taught to fit into roles that support a system where a few own the resources. What we have allowed and accepted is a masquerade in separation from life. And since this masquerade demands substance to exist, and is composed of a directive that is not of primary common sense, we are essentially a resource to feed a system of inequality, we are the characters that uphold the self interest of a few, and since this is all we know, we can no longer see what is primary, which what is the value, which is life. It is the movement of ourselves from this primary actual starting point of the physical in common sense, that allows one to become one and equal to this primary and thus walk with ease through “the eye of the needle” into becoming one and equal to life.
Thus, the desteni process is bringing self back to what self is as a primary element of, one and equal to, life, to realize the secondary relationship that is what a personification and character are as directives removed from a sense of actual physical reality. Since life is what is equal within all of us, and since life is creation - so to speak- the development of self as this primary source, is the strength, and once realized, equality is realized and this becomes obvious as the only choice within which to exist and that all that is here is to support the expression of life, one and equal, so nothing, no thing, can be owned, as it is one and equal to each of us as what we primarily are.
Thus, as how the physical works, all this water able to hold pictures, we become what is presented as the fantasies of the mind are the pictures, and they are of secondary steps as personifications of what enables survival within a system presented to serve a few. We have all become televisions of what serves a few, and are not directive within ourselves as life, starting from the primary element as life, as this is what is the value, life the primary thing that composes all that exists. And within this we have never lived as life, as self as life, as self directive as life, as self honest as life, as self response able as life.
This must stop, as this is consuming the earth recklessly unaware of the totality of what is here, as it has no common sense of what is primary. Instead a secondary, as profit for a few, a sequence of beliefs, ideas and opinions of a secondary ( ignorant of the primary source) nature, playing out through emotionsthoughts and feelings, causing distance and thus insecurity and thus fear and thus iratic destructive behaviors, that are the separation from what is actually physically real, as this cannot see, and thus is in ignorance of what is actually physically real.
We cannot blame anyone for these behaviors of destruction, as the primary is no longer seen, and no development of this has been given, thus all behaviors of destruction are accepted and allowed as long as we continue to be in separation from what is primary and exist within secondary relationships, as what our characters and personifications serve in separation from life, manifest as a profit based system of inequality. Inequality is a separation from what is primary, life, this that is the value.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move myself as a relation only within believing myself to ONLY be a female, woman as what I have been taught will enable my survival, not having seen realized and understood what is primary, myself as life, able to exist within common sense of life, as this actual physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to only see myself as a personification in and as characters that support the movement of myself in separation from what is primary, which is all that is here as the physical world, the real story, the real stage, and instead create relationships as primary movers and definitions of myself and thus separating myself form life, not seeing realizing and understanding that I have become a slave as a character and personification to serve a system of self interest for survival where money determines who lives and who dies, and within this allowing myself to be ignorant of what is primary and ‘one and equal’ as all that is here on earth, which is life, thus all resources are here as life in support of life, and cannot be owned, as this ownership is a subjective secondary belief placed on what is primary, that all that is here is one and equal as the very substance of life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the imaginations in and as my mind are all in service to secondary characters ignorant of self as life, ignorant of common sense of life as what a human is as life, able to common sense what is physically here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to be what I am as life, to direct myself in self honesty with what is primary as what is equal within all that is here, which is life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that personifications, such as my religious faith, my nationality, my social “level”. my educational“level”, my family role, my gender role, my race role, if allowed to be what directs me, as what is given value within comparison and thus judgement of more than and less than, I am in separation from what is primary, the very substance of what allows me to role play, as I have allowed an idea secondary to what is primary, which is life, to direct me, and thus creating values in separation from what is real, life, and should I look at what is here, I have no idea of how what is here is/was created and thus I have no developed awareness of what is actually physically here, as I have shut down/distanced myself from/ignored/ allowed a separate thing to determine what is the primary substance of myself as a physical instrument as life here, thus I must be in total separation from life, and all that I believe myself to be as mind, -though as singular details not necessarily bad in and as themselves- it is that this definition and directive are limited and thus in separation from what is actually physically here as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that any thought i have is a product, as this is the mind, of the secondary development into and as personifications in service to divisions and thus separations into personifications and characters ignorant of what is life, as this serves the allowance of self interest within a game of survival, where limited roles serve the more than for a few, they themselves in separation from life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all emotions thoughts and feelings are thus showing me my own separation form life, and thus are the voice of fear, as this secondary object as what i project myself as, as memory as a belief in me more, serving a system that creates values of more than and less than, determining survival, is how I participate within this secondary stage place that is destructive as it ignores what is primary as it no longer is able to see what is primary, which is life, and thus ignorance is not bliss, it is destruction and abuse.

I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that the allowance of myself as a personality and character, as the stories I tell again and again and again are the movement of myself in separation of life, as this was what was taught by parents and society within a system of inequality, ignorant of what is primary in all existent on earth as the source of what we are all one and equal to and as, and within this, this personification consumes the physical just as this system consumes this physical world as this ignorance of this primary substance ignores the nature of life, and thus does not know how to work with what is here as no common sense of what is real, physically here exists.

I commit myself to no longer utilize a character as what I am as label, as role play, to direct myself here, as I bring all this back to self, through self forgiveness, writing and corrective application, to become one and equal to and as life, through a development of common sense of life, this physical world, to take these secondary directives and realign, in oneness and equality, utilizing breath, to what is primary, the very substance of what all exist and consist in and as, which is life, one and equal to all existent on earth.

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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Day 157 The I am vulnerable character

Day 157 The I am vulnerable character
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am vulnerable.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that because I am a woman alone I am vulnerable.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the voices in and as my mind where I have been told by the establishment that I am vulnerable in remaining alone.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that yes, within a profit based system of inequality to life, life as value before profit, creates a survival system of greed instead of support, and within this all life is vulnerable, thus in one way, it is an illusion this one idea that a woman alone is vulnerable, as all that is here has no real stability, as what is stable is not respected which is the substance as what we all are one and equal to which is life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to follow the dictates of limited value as to what is stable and what is not stable, as nothing is stable within this present allowed andaccepted system of money determining life, a determination created in separation from life by man. Within this, I realize in common sense, that many create the whole, just as the many cells create the physical human form, thus it is not to allow myself to react in and as a belief that I am vulnerable but to use common sense and walk as solution with the life that is here, and join with others to support a system that does not allow subjection to abuse in any way and a constant caution as protection/defense of a possibility of abuse.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that focusing on a belief that I am vulnerable, allowing this to cause horror films in and as my mind, is not a solution, and will cause irrational reactions and choices made, not a being of myself that will remove a sense of vulnerability but only allow it to compound and consume which is not an expression of life, but an expression of fear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a character of doom and gloom in and as worse case scenarios, as dramas played out in and as my mind, where I imagine myself as being poor and alone, or living in my car, as some woman do in America, as they do not have enough to support themselves in any other way, and some of these woman lived lives as professional working people, as i should know, my father was fired as a big corporation bought out the newspaper he worked at and laid off the older workers close to retirement so as not to pay full pensions, thus, a hard working person has no real stability within and as this system where money determines life, and we are all to blame with every moment we do not actively support a change to a system that supports all life, that values all life, until it is done, Period.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that we are all vulnerable until we use ourselves as life, and face our personas of fear as what we are, as what we have been taught, as what supports the few who own the media, and a subjective ownership of freely given resources, that is dominating through fear, which we allow in participating in all emotionsthoughts and feelings, desires, wants and needs that are more than what is actually needed to live as a human in dignified support, in very basic terms, for all here, until this world is organized as a system of life support, where what we can become as life will be realized, this that cannot be done until all stand within the realization that life is the value.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I am only as vulnerable as the collective allows, as it is the collective that creates the whole and thus it is the collective that determines life on this earth and not some invisible god, or invisible hand, the real “snake oil” sold to the people, the human who has had not self directive development as the very life substance of what we are, as this would allow the smoke of illusion to be seen for what it is, a separation from life.

I commit myself to no longer allowing and accepting a belief, taught by parents and friends that I cannot walk in common sense because I am a woman alone and must perpetually fear because as a woman alone I am vulnerable.
I commit myself to realizing that I am only alone if I ignore what is actually physically here.
I commit myself to stopping any and all gloom and doom scenarios in and as thoughts, emotions and feelings playing out as voices in and as my mind based on an idea that “ a woman alone is vulnerable” which is a distraction and a separation from common sense of this actual physical world, where, yes, one must remain careful within a system where money determines who lives and who dies, yet this cannot become an energetic reaction in fear, ignoring what is here.
I commit myself to realizing that I am only alone if I accept and allow an idea of what being alone means within the established roles promoted by a system that does not respect the value of life, and moves in self interested desires, wants and needs upheld as fulfillment where it is obvious that such is never fulfilling and only possessing the need for more and more and more, becoming an obsession and not a directive developing awareness of life, where all are able to realize that obsessive compulsive behaviors are repetitive behaviors and as a repetition - as what they are- do not, and thus cannot create awareness of life, of self as a repetitive action is limited and non expanding, which is why it is called obsessive compulsive. Within this, given the amount of sexual action of self interest where fucking children is repeated again and again, children abused and a repetitive action of no awareness acted upon, what the human has created and allows is not a behavior of self direction and expansion and development, but a system of ignorance of life into and as behaviors of extreme repetitive abuse, thus do we show ourselves our own accepted and allowed creation.
I commit myself to realizing my own repetitions as outflows, in and as the continuance of the same worries and fears, in and as my mind, and to utilizing self forgiveness, writing and corrective application to gain objective of my own compulsions based in fear, and to self correct in alignment with life, as what is best for all where the value of myself is realized as life, and respected through actions that are best for all so that I am no longer a walking repetition in and as fear, and am able to stand as life and expand in awareness of what is here and how it functions to become a solution with every step and stop a reaction as the repetition of fear.